Hey Siestas! Do you have a question for Curtis? I’ve been thinking it would be fun to do a Q&A with him. If you want to ask him something – about men, ministry, marriage, family, the Bible, etc. – leave your question in a comment and we’ll get him blogging!
Ask Curtis
126 Responses to “Ask Curtis”
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Dear Curtis,
How can I get my husband to stop being so insecure?
He thinks that every time I even talk to a man, there is "something up." Even when I talk to a married man.
I have never done anything to give him any reason to think I'd be unfaithful to him– I love my husband very much. And I don't mind that he has women friends.
I have tried to reassure him, I try to show him I love him, I have talked to him but he just gets mad, etc. I can't ask him questions about this– he gets angry & upset and says he's doing nothing wrong.
So what can I do to help him?
What can I do to 1)get my husband to grow up and 2)help him feel more loved?
Hi Curtis,
I have a question about the Bible.
David practicing polygamy really bothers me. I understand it more with Jacob (consequences of his own "trickster" traits & it was pre-Mosaic law). But I don't know if David practiced polygamy purely because it was readily accepted in the culture (especially in royal circles) or if it was just a sinful choice that no one talks about. It seems to me it's in direct violation of Gen 2:24 "one flesh"–not one flesh here, one flesh a few years later with someone else, etc.
Thanks for your insight! I know it's an off-the-wall question. I hope I can clear this up before I lead the ATR study in a couple of weeks.
Stefani
I’ve noticed that many young men of high school and college age seem to be in a role reversal. By that I mean that they tend to let girls dominate them during a dating relationship and then grovel for months after the girls break up with them. Do you notice that and if so, how can we encourage our sons and daughters in the dating years in their respective roles?
Thank you,
Linda
Hey Curtis – Do you like fishing? And, if so, what’s the coolest (size, species, tastiest, best trip – whatever) fish you’ve ever caught?
We’re getting our lines, rods, reels, boots and nets ready up yonder.
Just curious,
Warm in Alaska.
After reading through the prior comments, I just want to say how helpful this blog has been to me. I see reocurring themes quite often when we gals comment about what we’re going through or struggling with, and while it’s sad to think we are all sharing the same struggles, it definitely helps me not feel so bad about myself knowing there are others going through what I’m going through.
As for my question for Curtis, I just want to know in what form will he respond? 🙂 Via podcast or one big post or random comment responses? 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to respond!!
well amanda,
you really openned up a can of worms — didn’t you! 🙂 i love it! This is great! I don’t have a question though because any question i might have had has been covered — well i just thought of another. how would be the best way to reach out to a father? he is a good man, but rarely goes to church. my mom would really like him to like to go, but he doesn’t. even growing up we would attend sunday school as a family, but usually not church. communion always made him nervous for some reason — going down to the front i guess. we were raised methodist, so it wasn’t like it was an every sunday event. i bought him a Bible one time — not sure if he reads it or not. i just don’t know if he has ever prayed the prayer of salvation though i am sure he prays at least occasionally. i want to see him in heaven — what is the best – least offensive way to approach him. my husband is like many of the others – goes to church, prays, will pray with me if i ask, but never opens his Bible (so looking forward to your answer to others’ question on that). i say this to say i don’t think he would be comfortable approaching my dad, but my sister’s husband who is in the word and close to my dad might. should i go that route. can’t wait to hear your perspective. i have found other times you have blogged to be truly insightful!
thanks!
How do you think men deal with shame?
What’s the best think your mother-in-law has ever done for you?
My husband is a wonderful man, a respected spiritual leader in our church and I love him very much. Six years ago he had an extramarital affair. We’d only been married 6 years. Although we talked it through and went to a weekend-long marriage conference together, we jointly agreed against seeking professional counseling. I have forgiven him and have never brought it up since. It was heartbreakingly hard on me, but God has been faithful to heal. Even though I felt like I had failed as a wife somehow for my husband to seek comfort somewhere else, he insisted that was not the case. Now 6 years later, some inner warning light in me has begun flashing again that he may be having another affair. I’m a forgiving person and want to honor my husband. We jointly decided to remove “divorce” from the table when we got married 12 years ago. But I honestly don’t know what to do if this renewed warning light turns out to be true again. A godly marriage cannot be a revolving door. As a man, can you offer insight on how I should respectfully approach my husband?
What is your favorite book of the Bible? What is your favorite devotional?
My husband shows me no attention or affection and does the same with our sons. He says he is a Christian, but has never stepped up to be the spiritual leader of the family. He does not read the Bible nor does he pray (that I am aware). I am concerned for what examples and messages this is sending our sons. How will they treat their wives and children when they are grown? Will they be the spiritual leaders in their homes? Etc. What can “I” do and say to help place them on the right path?
my husband and i have trouble communicating sometimes. we have arguements that don’t seem to ever get truly resolved. i think it is a lack of really understanding the other person even though we really try. he says that i don’t respect him, although i really do. i verbally encourage him and tell him how proud of him i am often — and i really mean it. he doesn’t take compliments well at ALL, but i still do it because i have got to believe he really does appreciate it deep down.
on the other hand – i stay at home with our kids and try to maintain things on this end and i don’t feel he respects me or appreciates anything i do. it seems he only has negative comments when he sees something he doesn’t like. otherwise if things look good or right or whatever he rarely says anything. (and to be honest if he does i kind of resent him at this point because i feel patronized.) when i get upset about this and go to him to try to communicate with him about it, it always seems like he turns things around and trys to point out how he believes i don’t respect him. so we never seem to resolve anything. in addition, in an arguement he always seems to list all the things he has done to help out, but never recognizes anything i have done. i never list my “deeds” because i think that is silly. i guess a good dose of christian counselling might be good for us, but i am a little scared of that for some reason. it really makes me upset just thinking about it, and i know he would be upset about having to go even though he would go — he would resent having to pay for it.
this makes our relationship sound horrible — it really isn’t – just some kinks and maybe a little mars vs venus. i just can’t seem to understand him and i guess he can’t seem to understand me either. as hard as i try to communicate, words just don’t seem to do the job. and if he isn’t listing his deeds or pointing out how he doesn’t think i respect him he just withdraws. i am always the one that either brings something up or drags it out of him — which i usually regret.
sorry so long! thanks in advance.
Curtis,
Have you read the controversial book “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young?
What did you think?
okay, here goes.
when we got married 9 years ago i was a virgin and he was not. although he is faithful to me, he is not really interested in sex. he says he really just doesn’t think about it much. i also don’t think he knows how to approach me for sex. i guess it is like you are dating and you not going there, not going there and then you get married and all of a sudden it’s time to go there. this may be too much for the blog. if so i am sorry. i have just always felt so inadequate in this area. i have no experience up until marriage, he does, but he isn’t interested. we do have 3 young kids so that can make time difficult, but it has really always been like this. i have approached him about this, but i never get anywhere. he said he would get his testoterone — however you spell that– tested, but i feel bad pushing that. i like sex and feel like i am missing out, plus i feel alot closer to him in the few times it has been more regular. just so i don’t sound nuts, we have averaged less than 6 times a year. your insight would be helpful. i think he allows his thoughts to always go to providing for the family, his job, college tuition — in the far future, cars for the kids, etc and he can’t seem to think about anything else. having said all this i will take this anyday over a nagging sexaholic husband. i love my husband i just wish things could be better in this specific area of our marriage.
thanks in advance for your advice and again sorry if this is too much for the blog. i have just always been too embarrassed to even bring this up with my sister or a girl friend.
What did your parents do right in raising a godly man? I am a first generation Christian, with no godly parental examples. I have 2 sons and 1 daughter, and always fear I am not doing something I should be, because I just don’t know about it.
Hey Curtis:
Praying for you buddy…bet you are feeling like you need one of your father-in-law’s moon pies right about now.
I grew up with three older brothers, all of whom love Jesus dearly – but I am laughing out loud at the conversations that we would be having if they were faced with the questions that your beloved Amanda just opened you up for with this blog post!
No pressure…Praying for you bud
: )
Shawna
Shawna
Just wanted to say hello. I think any and all ?’s I can think of have been asked. Can’t wait to read your reply.
I would love for my husband to be more of a leader in our home. I love and respect him, but I do feel like he has let that area slide. HOW do I encourage him to be the head of the household when he doesn’t really seem to want to be, (without making him feel like he’s failed)?
Single girl here, so I will ask a normal single girl question:
How do we, as girls, guard our heart, but at the same time let a guy know we’re interested without pursuing him too much? How much do men really want to pursue? Every little detail?
Where are the godly men these days? They seem very few and far between. Want to hook a Houston siesta up? Haha!
I’m not in this situation at the moment, but could always use some future wisdom. It’s just so stinkin’ confusing.
Also, thanks for being a Godly example for us single girls and what we can look for in a husband. It’s nice to have a high standard!
Lindsee
My husband and I have different idea of what our church should look like. How do I honor where he feels God is calling us to attend without compromising where I feel God is calling us.
Hi Curtis…I have a question. The church I attend now has a very active women’s ministry but the men’s ministry is not active at all. I know this could be unhealthy so could you give me some ideas that would be encouraging for the men to start taking a more active role in the church?
Is there any man left who isn’t an absolute slave to internet porn and lust? I’ve certainly jettisoned one Christian fiance over that, and recently two (what we all thought were) God-fearing, Christlike, old old friends (and missionaries!) are finally divorcing after one hellish decade of marriage, child molestation being the final straw. From my stand point the situation has shot way beyond hopeless in the Christian world. In fact moreso with Christian men than with non-Christian men, because of the fact that they hide it, making them exponentially more dangerous than guys who don’t hide it. It seems at this point that women would be better off finding some new man-free planet and slowly dying out. I would rather die painfully than end up with a porn addict. You’re an insider, C, are there any men left whose virtue has consistently stood the test? What do you think the ratio is among Christian men?
How do you get your Husband to quit looking at porn and not wanting to have sex with you ? How long do I continue to pray with out consulting a divorce lawyer?
Curtis- my husband grinned at me last night and said, “there’s a fine line between encouraging and nagging”. What’s the best way to encourage a man… to read his Bible, to take care of himself physically, etc? I care about him so much that my ‘passionate plea’ makes him want to do the opposite. Why is that?
Other people have asked cool questions and I look forward to hearing from Curtis! I just wanted to tell him “hi” and “welcome!”
I, too, would like to touch on the issue of pornography, but maybe not from the typical angle…
My husband, too, struggles, and has since before we met, I’ve learned in time. We had a very rough patch last year that resulted in my consulting a lawyer after months and months of deceit, half-truths about “getting over it”, etc. Thankfully, the Lord restored our marriage and has brought our family closer together. We saw Fireproof as a couple earlier this year, which felt, to me, like it was written about our very situation. We had begun praying that, in God’s timing, our family would grow, and after our “Fireproof breakthrough” as it’s called at our house, I found out I was pregnant with our second child.
My angle/question is something like this: How can I, as a woman, put the insecure feelings aside and learn to fully trust my husband again? I want so badly to know that those demons are behind us, and most days, I do, but there are insecure days where I see the computer lying around and am compelled to check the history “just to be sure…” We were mentored by a friend and staff member at church who gave me “the talk” that said that none of this was about me- it was about sin and Satan using something horrible to attack my family, but as a woman, I must say that I find that extremely difficult to process. It had to be about me at some point- something I did or didn’t do made the temptation or thought a reality. I say this knowing that I CANNOT be the only woman out there that stuggles with feelings of insecurity as a result of this horrible act that has so shaken our society.
Understanding that much of what has been discussed here is personal and must be dealt with between me and my Father, who sees me as the Princess He created and nothing less, I would greatly appreciate any thoughts from the male perspective on this issue. I think it’s “hot-button” enough to reach many women who feel the same way. Beth’s insecurities study will surely answer some of the same, but a male perspective could help, too.
Thank you for opening your heart and soul to us as you prayerfully answer and discern your words. You are in my prayers!
My son is 19 yrs old and he's been raised in a Christian home and in church.
He's wandered. Main problems (that we know of) is cigarette & pornography.
He was saved at 9 yrs old and says he's rededicated his life to Christ but I don't see the fruit of it.
Suggestions???
What are your thoughts on birth control, as well as, the arguments of God controlling the womb vs. financial ability to take care of the children one procreated?
wow! Are there enough questions for you? Well, here’s one more.
What do we wives/girlfriends do about husbands/boyfriends who are online gamers ( Halo, WOW etc.)
Is there evil there? They just don’t see it.
Why are Christian men so afraid to pursue a Godly woman? Me and my friends love Jesus and are attractive if I do say so myself. But Christian guys can’t or won’t pursue. They expect us to or they pursue through text messages and facebook. It’s weird and I don’t understand it 🙂
Curtis,
I am a new bride and just before I got married, a friend gave me the book, For Women Only. I found most of it helpful, but one chapter talked about how men literally have a catalog of images in their head of women they see / have seen recently and if their mind isn’t controlled, they will refer back to those images multiple times a day. This has literally captivated me in thinking my new husband is thinking of other women rather than me although he assures me he is not and I always see him make the effort not to look at anything he shouldnt. So, I’m not sure what I’m asking- is it true that men have this “catalog”…how can I help my husband, and how can I be assured?!
I am not married but am in my late 30’s and seriously dating a man. He has an issue that I make more money than he does… I get the feeling he would like me to get another career so this won’t be an issue. Why is this such a problem?
Hi Cutis,
I’m wondering what you think would be the best way for a wife to encourage her husband spiritually in a way that doesn’t seem preachy, disrespectful, or naggy. How do you like to be encouraged in the Lord by your wife?
Thank you for your ministry to all of us through LPM!
Lacey
I love "We Long for You" Did you write it? If so what inspired you?
It's one of my favorite songs & everytime I listen to it, I'm encouraged.
Do you and Colin ever talk about what it’s like being part of the Moore family? Was it scarry meeting Keith Moore for the first time?
Is there anything I can do to get my son (he’s 13) interested in getting back involved with his youth group at church? His Daddy doesn’t like to go to church anymore so now he just wants to stay home with him. It really disturbs me that he is just dropping out of church like this.
Thanks! God Bless!
Ok Curtis –
Is Texas really that HOT?
How (w/out getting too personal)does your day go with your family? Do you always have morning time with God, or do you spend time with God at another time?
Lastly, how did your parents encourage you in the faith?
My husband has been struggling with depression for some time. Part of it stems from our ministry which has been struggling. We are recent transplants to this area, and he has not connected with any men from our church due to work obligations. I don’t know how to help him. I feel like if I say anything it comes across as nagging at best, disappointment at worst. I’m not disappointed in him at all. I just want to see him happy again. Any suggestions on how to help?
Hi Curtis,
My sweet daughter and her wonderful husband are expecting their first child (a little boy!) any day. As parents-in-law what can we do to support this new dad? We have done plenty for the mom-to-be but not much for Dad. What have Beth and Keith done for you (and Amanda) that brings you the most help and joy with your children? We are nine hours away so have to do things long distance.
Thanks a bunch. God bless!
I don’t have a specific question, but after reading some of these, I’d LOVE to be in on the answers!
Hilda in Houston
I second this question:
Why are Christian men so afraid to pursue a Godly woman? Me and my friends love Jesus and are attractive if I do say so myself. But Christian guys can’t or won’t pursue. They expect us to or they pursue through text messages and facebook. It’s weird and I don’t understand it 🙂
Curtis-
I was fascinated when I read that one of your responsibilities at LPM is “cultural research assistant” – what does that mean exactly?
Also, who are your favorite Bible teachers, theologians and commentators?
Thanks!
Hi Curtis,
Thank you so much for being willing to answer a few questions. My church is blessed with a wonderful Senior Pastor and Youth Pastor. They both have young families and I often wonder how I could bless them. What would be a gift that a minister and his family would really appreciate? A night of free babysitting, a gift certificate for dining out?
Thanks for much
Thanks for this opportunity to ask.
Whenever I bring up a spiritual topic, try to discuss something I have learned or read, my husband immediately starts telling me why that is so and what he thinks about it, in a word, lecturing, even before I am done explaining. We just do not seem to be able to discuss things. Why?
Thank you!
What do husbands need/want from their wives, i.e. respect, etc, more than anything else? Also, what do we as wives do when the husband is not living up to his leadership potential and role in the home???? How can we encourage you to do that (besides nagging of course). 🙂 I so want to honor my husband and he is a wonderful Christian man but it is hard when he doesn’t “step up”. There is nothing like hearing your husband say your name when talking to the Father in prayer. Awesome, but unfortunately doesn’t happen often enough. How can I encourage prayer time/devotional time together as a couple without sounding threatening?
Hi Curtis,
Why do men feel threatened when their wives become more spiritually aware of things than they are?
How can we convey spiritual thoughts without making them feel less than in charge?
Do you think women assess spiritual maturity based on what we perceive as such, and really men will live that out differently than we might expect?
Thanks much!
My gracious. What a load of questions we’ve managed to send your way! I guess we need you to write a book: The Siesta’s Guide to Understanding Men in General and Their Husbands In Particular by Curtis Jones.
I’ll buy a copy or two.
(Smiling – but I really will pray that you’ll have wisdom to address some of these concerns, too).
Warm in Alaska.
Yea!!! It will be great to hear from Curtis.
Tell us about how you knew you were called to ministry. I love hearing how God works in people’s lives!
Sister Lynn
How can I encourage my husband to be the spiritual leader of our home, without making him feel that I don’t think he is?
Thnkyou
Susan
England,U.K.
These are great questions!! Looking forward to hearing the answers!