OK, Siestas, we’ve had an intense couple of days so let’s lighten it up a little bit! As a bunch of you know, I’ll hop on a plane Monday and head to New Orleans to tape the updated version of Breaking Free. I’d love to have some input from you and, goodness knows, nobody can tell a story like a siesta. I can’t wait for you to see how much I used your survey comments in the Esther Bible study. I’ve already got some great stuff from you for Breaking Free from a post several months ago where I requested testimonies about captivity or freedom. This time I’m asking you if you have some fun stories I might want to use for illustrations. You don’t have to worry about how they’ll fit. That’s mine to worry about. You just spill the beans.
Here’s what I’m looking for: CLEAN stories of something funny or amusing that has happened to you or someone you know really well that wouldn’t mind you tattling. Here’s a perfect example: Travis and Angela Cottrell’s youngest son, Levi, recently wrote his kindergarten teacher a thank you card for showing a particular kindness to him after his surgery. You know how every little boy gets a crush on his teacher. Levi’s just wild about her so, unbeknownst to his parents, he got into Angela’s wallet and pulled out the stash she’d just cashed at the bank and sealed it in the card. It wasn’t until the teacher called that they realized the money was gone. It gave a whole new meaning to trying to repay someone for a kindness. That’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about but it doesn’t have to be sweet or about children. It can also be stupid and embarrassing as long as it’s CLEAN!
The real challenge is going to be keeping them short enough to post and for all of us to read. I’ve noticed something in blog world. Most people are so pressed for time that they pass over really long entries and comments so, unfortunately, some of the comments that took the most time to write get read the least SO, just one paragraph, everybody!! I think we could all use this today!
Thanks, Sisters! I can’t wait to read them! I can always count on you guys.
You are loved here at LPM!
Beth
PS. OK, I have laughed at your stories until my stomach is killing me. (Maybe I can blow off my sit-ups tonight.) This is the latest one that nearly killed me:
Don’t know how you can tie this in to anything but here goes. Years ago I had a toothache late in November and went to the dentist. He and his assistant were examining my tooth when the asst. said, “Did you see all that food in there?”. I, of course, can feel the heat in my face and am thinking, “oh, I forgot to floss!” Then my dentist said, “Yeah, it’s a real smorgasbord.” At this point, I am just mad but voiceless because of all the equipment in my mouth and the assistant says, “Yes, the receptionist really out did herself this Thanksgiving.” 🙂 God knew how long to leave the equipment in – perfect timing.
November 6, 2008 10:56
Okay, my husband (who is reclining at the moment) reminded me of a funny story that happened about 18 years ago. Our oldest was a toddler and I was singing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” to him. (this is so embarrassing…) When I got to the chorus I sang, “its FLEAS were white as snow.” My husband listened and asked me to sing that part again. I sang it again. He pointed out the correct lyrics– which are, “its FLEECE was white as snow.” For THIRTY years I thought her lamb’s fleas were white!
What can I say? I am a visual learner…
Checking for fleas here in Arkansas,
Jan
I’m a school teacher, and I’m always terrified of acquiring lice on the job! There was an outbreak of the nastiness a few days before I was to be a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding. I was scratching my head like crazy out of paranoia. I was terrified that the beautician would discover lice when she did my hair for the wedding. Sweating, I timidly sat in her chair. “Oh no!” she proclaimed, as I leapt up from the chair! “What is it?!” I exclaimed, horrified. “Oh, honey, I just broke a nail,” she said, looking at me as though I were a total nut! Fortunately, there was no lice…just a broken nail.
My husband was leading the music in a revival at a church where his friend was the pastor. During the invitation at the end of the service, the pastor’s little 5-year-old daughter came to him during the invitation. We were all so touched – it was a precious sight…until he told us what she had said to him:
“Daddy, tonight after church, can we go to Chuck-e-cheese?”
He has used that story to relate our ever-present access to our Father – just like his daughter had access to him!
Love y’all,
Georgia Jan
Oh just one more short one:
— My 4-year old daughter so badly wanted this pair of fabulous pink super-sparkly shoes. She told me that God told her spirit that she should get them, and that she needs to obey it!
Driving. Never a strong suit of mine. Within my first year of driving my tiny 92 Subaru Legacy I had backed into a wall, had my brake line bust on a busy highway, and unknowingly driven ten miles on a flat tire. On Christmas Eve, my younger brother and I were driving on the interstate to visit some family. I got into the turning lane, and as I attempted to cross two lanes of the busy interstate, my car stopped. My brakes wouldn’t work. The gas wouldn’t work. I was stuck in the middle of the two lanes with traffic approaching. Scared to death and not sure what to do, I yelled to my baby brother “Get out of the car and run!!!” (Seemed like a good idea a the time.) So, we jumped out of the car and ran across the lane as my poor little car drifted across one lane, two lanes, the median, and the two right lanes, and landed in a ditch nose down in the ditch. We stood in awe as passerby’s looked at me like I was crazy. That car looked like a bird (both doors wide open) crossing the interstate. It didn’t hit one other car, thank God. I called my parents in a panic, and when they arrived they were confused at how my car got all the way across the interstate. My destination was across the left side of the interstate, and here is my car on the other side. They still make fun of me! My car needed some serious work because the door was smashed, but my brother and I were ok. Later that night, after my parents retold the story for the hundreth time that night (to my dismay), my cousin said he was at the Go-mart and heard that some guy saw two kids jump out of a car on the interstate. Surely they must have stolen it. Word sure travels fast, huh? I guess I had my own Christmas miracle. By the way, the culprit was my axel, which had broken right before I started to turn!
Years ago I was going to a Halloween party as Minnie Mouse. I made a tail with wire so it stuck out. I lived with my sister and when she got home I showed her my outfit and we decided to run to the store to see what Minnie’s shoes looked like. She had changed into comfortable(ugly) shoes. I was giving her a hard time about them, saying I hoped we didn’t see anyone we knew because of her ugly shoes. As I was checking out I heard her laughing. I turned around and realized I had been wearing my tail the entire time. We had a hard time getting to the car without wetting our pants and we still get the giggles when we talk about it!
Ginna
My sister-in-law, who lives in the South and has a strong southern accent, worked for a company whose clients were service departments of car dealerships. All the men in these service departments gave her a hard time whenever she would call them to arrange consulting business. At times, they would put her on speakerphone in order for the other men in the room to hear her talk. One day the service man that she was calling didn’t answer his phone and she had to leave him a voice mail, except that she forgot what she was really doing and ended her voicemail with, “In Jesus name I pray”
Hi my darling Mama Beth! I have a story to share about my sweet Jenna. She was about three years old at the time and had gotten into a situation which called for me to discipline her. After her tears had subsided, I held her on my lap, telling her that it was my responsibility to teach her right from wrong. With a smug look on her face, she said:
“Well, Mama. God spanks big adults, too. And His are way worser than yours.”
“Amen to that, sister!” I thought with a smug smile on my face!
Love you, Shawn
Driving out of the gas staion one harried afternoon, I noticed all these smiling and waving folks…smiling at me! (mind you, it was every single car that past mine). I noticed, that at the next stop light,(a very busy main intersection),low and behold! cars were honking and waving at me there also!, Waving back enthusiastically, I thought wow! what a great day! a little slow… alot of peroxide, I started thinking. Turned around wildly, visualizing one of my four kids hanging out the back of the suburban, or goodness knows what. A yellow flash out side the car caught my eye. I quickly pulled over to check it out…I had one of the kids pop their heads outside the car, and I heard a belly laugh that I will never forget from my little nine year old screaming, “mom, you took the whole hose from the gas staion!” needless to say, pulling it out of the car on the side of the verrrry busy road (all screaming yellow, six feet of it) and returning it to its rightful owner was, well…another “blonder than I pay to be” moment we will never forget.
When my daughter was about five, she asked the inevitable "where do babies come from?" question. After I gave her a brief (& age appropriate) answer, she stood silently for a minute and then said, "Wow, I wish we laid eggs."
Last summer, my elementary grade book group read “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” I had dressed in green pants and a purple jacket like Willy Wonka wore. There were about 10 children in the group and a 7 year old boy came with his mother. My first question while I was holding up the book with the picture of Willy Wonka on the cover was “What do Willy Wonka and I have in common?” The 7 year old excitedly waved his hand in the air while his mom looked on proudly. His answer: You’re both old! I thought it was hilarious but his mother was mortified.
Ok I just got home from the park a little while ago. I went to walk a mile around the track very quickly while my daughter was at piano lessons. I am a highschool English teacher and one of my students’ mother and sister ( a former student) where walking along behind me. I am about 5’9 and have a very long stride when I walk so I was quite certain that they were totally blown away by how agile and swift I was on the track! Hehe!!! Did the Lord ever decide to humble me! I got to the 3/4 mile marker and thought I would really impress them with my athletic prowess and jog the last 1/4 mile (I am some kind of running machine aren’t I?) When I noticed that something felt funny around my ankles and upon looking down noticed something was actually coming out of the bottom of my sweatpants! When I had walked the day before I had tights on under my sweats (helps keep things from bouncing places they should not!) I guess I pulled off my sweats with the tights still in them and lo and behold they fell out of my pants on to the track!!!!!!!!!! Mortified. Please join me and pray that the daughter of the lady behind me will NOT be at school tomorrow!!!!!
Okay… I have another story. This one a little more nonsensical. So, make up and hair have been a big thing all my life. GO figure I grew up in Texas, which might just be the hair and make-up capital of the world if Hollywood, New York, Paris, London and more recently Sweden did not exist. But come on, Mary Kay is a Texas Girl!
So… My husband and I get dressed and go out for a Saturday afternoon of shopping and dinner. Now, I have to confess – my eyebrows – they are only partials. As a young adult, I found that I had a number of hairs in those brows that had blackheads and looked unsightly so I plucked nearly all of them out (both sides) only to find – they never grew back!
I have a very light think line that arches above my eyes with two larger patches right near the middle of my brow… looks pretty normal when I pencil it in. Which brings me to my point.
That day, for some reason I ended up in a hurry. My husband, who is typically oblivious to most things, and I were out all day. I got home, looked in the mirror and realized I had a full face of make-up and no EYEBROWS!
I said, “Why didn’t you tell me I forgot my eyebrows?”
My husband said, “What?”
“MY EYEBROWS” I pointed to my face… “They’re missing! You let me go out of the house without my eyebrows.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t notice.”
GREAT! This happens often with earrings as well. I will absent-mindedly put on my jewelry attaching only one earring.
Thank goodness God only looks at the heart.
We were at a evening church service at our church and one of the elderly ladies had just went to the rest room and was returning to the pew. She had a fairly long stream of toliet tissue hanging from the back of her skirt. As she made her way back to her seat the tissue went across every lap in the pew. As it went across the laps of people you can’t imagine the ways they tried to avoid the tissue touching them and the faces they made. It was hilarious. I did feel bad for the woman but not sure she ever knew.
Our Grandson Andrew found a nest with two little baby birds that had been knocked over and blown around in a storm, he and his mom Kimberly tried to save the birds but they died. So Andrew said, “mom lets get some raisins and raisin them from the dead.” Andrew is 4 years old and along with his parents and two brothers, live in Papua New Guinea. They are tribal missionaries with New Tribes Mission.
I have thought of another one…
My nephew and niece have always spent their summers camping on the beach in So. California. During their camping trips, the kids would spend part of every week at me and my mother’s house.
My niece, who was probably 7 at the time, absolutely loves our scripture cards we keep on the kitchen table. She would always seem to pull out scriptures and lay them on each place setting. She was particularly drawn to Proverbs 29:22. The first time she went to read it was priceless.
after she read the verse, my mom asked, “where is that found in the bible, Michelle?”
“Proovbs!”
My mother and I looked at eachother, “where is that in the bible?”
My mom finally looked and said, “Oh, darling, that’s Proverbs.”
MUST READ! THIS REALLY HAPPENED!
While I was backing my car up my gear-shift broke off the stearing wheel and the “safety” mechanism on my car locked up and I couldn’t turn the car off. My car was stuck in reverse and I rolled down a hill onto my school’s practice football field….AND THEY WERE HAVING A PRACTICE!!!! Those boys parted like the red sea as my car came barreling down the field. I was screaming for them to stop me and the team coach yelled “go get her boys.” the team ran down to the other end of the field and huddled up waiting to stop my car before I rolled straight into the ditch at the end of the field. Luckly my car had slowed down enough for them to catch me, but they had to hold my car until the tow truck came and could get me.
I can give you one from just today…
My dear friend and I were on the phone, rejoicing over some things that God has been doing in our lives. She said, “Oh, my husband must be home. Wait, now he’s knocking on the back door.” I listened while she went to the door, and she said, “Now that’s weird. I swear I heard the door open, and then knocking. It must have been a woodpecker outside.” We continued our conversation, when she burst out laughing! (not at a laughing moment) She explained that she had taken her laptop into the office to hook it to the printer, to print something. The squeak that she thought was the back door, and the knocking that she thought was a woodpecker, were nothing other than the sound of her printer! She completely forgot that she had started it printing until she walked into their office at that moment. 🙂
She is full of stories like that…
But Beth… I want to hear the one (I got it from Cindy Beecher who heard it from you) about the story of washing the neighbors rabbit… umm, and drying it… I know we woudl all LOVE to hear that one so I won’t give it all away!!!! 🙂
Love and God bless,
Heather
when we lived in the city, we had wonderful christian neighbors across the street. We got along very well and kept in touch at least several times a week. Whenever either of us needed help, we knew where to turn. One summer evening my husband and I were enjoying the evening when we saw our neighbor tear out of his house and run down the street at a dead run. My husband was very concerned by this unusual behavior and, thinking our neighbor needed help, he quickly ran after him. He caught up to him 3 or 4 blocks down the street where our neighbor informed him that he decided to take up jogging and was just out for a run.
This really happened too!!!!!! Must read!
I was a terroist suspect at the age of 8. I had half of the LAX airport shut down and flights cancelled/diverted because I put a rock from the beach (which my mom told me I couldn’t keep) into my carry on bag and tapped it to the back of my toy alarm clock. I did this so when my mom looked through my travel bag and moved my stuff around she wouldn’t see it that I had kept it. The bells went off as my bag went through the detector and the police even came and with the bomb squad!! I got in big trouble!!!
When my daughter was barely three years old I woke her up one morning with kisses and hugs like any other morning. This particular morning she wrinkled up her nose and drew back from me with the most humiliating words you could ever hear from a toddler…”You smell like you got poopee in you mouth.”
I still turn red thinking about it!
It had been a long day and my nerves were shot. My husband and I prepared to climb into bed when I saw him kneel on the ground and pick something up. Apparently the girls had been playing in our room and left some evidence behind. Calmly, without cracking a hint of a smile, my husband held up a lone marble and said, “I believe this is yours!” To this day I cannot help but think of this story when I hear of someone “losing their marbles.”
Okay… this might be more than a paragraph, but it’s a classic. When I first moved to New Zealand I didn’t know the first thing about sheep, so my good friend took me to a sheep and farm show where they explain all about the sheep dogs, how they round up the sheep, etc. As with most of these kinds of shows, they have things you can volunteer for mainly so the host makes you look like a fool, but it’s a good laugh for everyone. After I watched the first couple of things you could volunteer for (like telling them to milk a bull) it became apparent to me that if you allowed them to make fun of you in some way, you’d get a prize at the end. I’m pretty competitive, so my hand started flying up to volunteer. I got picked to demonstrate how to turn a crank on a machine that separated milk from cream. Of course they told me to turn the crank the wrong way, for a laugh. I did it… knowing I was headed for a prize so it didn’t matter if I looked dumb. We got done, they thanked me, I got a clap from the audience, but NO PRIZE. So, the very last thing they asked for was 12 volunteers for the grand finale. I was there, hand flying, and got picked AGAIN! YES! So they have us all line up facing the audience with our backs to the outdoors, and they hand us each a baby bottle with about 1/3rd of it full of milk. I glance at the competition to my left and right with a little smirk on my face thinking – You may as well not even try, cuz I’m all over this! The hosts say “Okay… get ready… bend your knees…” and man am I ever in position! The intensity on my face was set and I was winning this one no matter what. I WOULD get my prize today! “Ready… Set… GO!!” I slammed that bottle in my mouth so fast and took THE BIGGEST suck any human being could have sucked – only to have the hosts jump towards me yelling “NOOOOOO!!!” I yank out the bottle, kinda dazed, wondering why they stopped me when I had such a great lead… everyone’s laughing… I’m still focused on winning… knees still bent… and in the middle of my confusion… they let out these cute little lambs we were all supposed to be FEEDING. Yeah. It wasn’t a contest. And there I stood with sheep milk dripping down my face and shirt and my little baby lamb looking at me… and I said, “sorry little guy… guess you won’t be as full as the rest today!” haha But here’s the kicker – after all that – I still did NOT get a prize!!!
My sister in law was teaching Sunday school to 3 & 4 yr olds and it was on "Jesus Feeding 5000". She kept emphasizing how many pieces of fish they had and how many loaves of bread they had, and still fed ALL those people. I believe she even had a basket with examples. Anyway, she said that one of the little boys had a look of frustration, so she asked him what was wrong and he said "Well, did he bring drinks??"
I grew up a PK. One snowy Sunday night after church, I hid behind a bush and threw snowballs at the members as they left for home, smacking them right in the back. Most thought it was fun and no big deal. But one member got mad and told my mother. And I got in trouble. However, when my preacher dad finally arrived home and heard the story he thought it was a great idea. He had been wanting to do it for years!
My sister has a whole host of “airhead moments” that make me howl. Years ago she worked as a receptionist for a physical therapist. A patient struck up a conversation with her and, commenting on her dark skin and hair, wondered what nationality she was. My dear sister could not think of the word “caucasian,” so she said, “I’m just a regular person!” I am weak with laughter just typing this! Wish I had been there to witness it in person!
Renee
I taught kindergarten for 17 years and I have SO many funny stories, but this one comes to mind…
The teacher in the adjoining room had brought her grandmother’s false teeth with her and they were in a clear bag on her desk. The teacher was planning to take them to the dentist (or somewhere??) on her break.
She had stepped out of the room and I was watching both classes and a couple of kids were up by her desk and I told them they needed to go away from the teacher’s desk and one little guy asked me about the teeth. I told him they were Ms. L.’s grandma’s teeth and his eyes got really big and he said, “Wow…she’s gonna get about a million bucks from the tooth fairy.” TOO FUNNY!
I am a first grade teacher. When teaching six year olds, you take NOTHING for granted. One day I was one paper short for a lesson. I ran to run one more copy. During the 68 seconds or so I was gone, the classroom phone rang. One of my students answered the phone and told the caller, ” Our teacher is not here and we have no idea where she is or when she will be back”. “Well, who was it?” “I didn’t ask: it was a stranger!” Guess I missed delivering that lesson on not answering the classroom phone. And giving false information to strangers. I know there must be a note in my permanent file somewhere…
My 80 year old preacher father recently had a stroke which complicated his speech. Nevertheless he wanted to pray with our friends who were ready to depart after a fun visit. Dad meant to pray, “…and thank you for bringing Jim and Kimbo this evening…” What he actually said was, “…and thank you for bringing Jim and Bimbo here…” All of us burst out laughing, including him! Kimbo commented that “Bimbo” was a first from a preacher.
My four year old was taking a can of chicken and a can of peas up to the front of church for the food offering. He took especially long and church was especially crowded. As he made his way back I noticed he was carrying the can of chicken back with him. As we made eye contact he proceeded to yell across the aisles of people, “I’m a gonna keep this one. We don’t have any of it left at home.” I shooshed him back and told him to take it up right away. He yelled back, “No, I like this stuff and I don’t like the peas. They can keep em for all I care but I want this stuff.” After a bit more back and forth he walked up (now alone) to the front and said to the Pastor “Sheesh, Moms, what are you gonna do but love em”.
My husband, two sons and I were shopping in Lowe’s when an announcement came over the loud speaker asking for assistance. My three-year old son, Drew, quickly responds speaking up toward the ceiling and says boldly, “Okay, God!”
I giggled and said to him that it wasn’t God, but it was good for him to listen for God. Sometimes people forget to listen, like me, and we just talk to God. We also need to listen for Him, too. Drew responded as if to scold me, “Mama, you need to L-I-S-T-E-N to God.” With that, another announcement came on the loud speaker. This time, Drew responds loudly for the whole store to hear, “Okay, God, I’m LISTENING!!!!”
This is probably kind of boring, but it was funny and cute to me. You might have had to be there to appreciate it, but here goes. My husband shaved for the first time in years the other day. He usually just trims his gotee once in a while. And anyway, he was leaving to go to work one afternoon after lunch and Chloe, my kindergartner turned to say good-bye to him and then turned back to me and said, “Dad looks weird with his not-mustache.”
While potty training my little boy, he would sit for hours on the potty to no avail. At my lowest, I was literally begging him to please potty and he said with a straight face, “Mommy, my pee pee is broken…needs batteries!”
Kristin H.
I was a preacher’s kid growing up so you know how we had an image to uphold. 🙂 When I was four I fell in love with the show “Barbara Mandrell and the Mandrell Sisters.” My mom didn’t really like me watching it, but she thought it was cute that I danced around. She forgot I had a mind like a sponge. In Sunday School we would have talent shows where we could sing in front of the class. My mom was walking in the hallway when to her horror she heard me belting out Barbara Mandrell’s song “Sleeping Single in a Double Bed.” Of course, I had no idea what it meant. Let’s just say I didn’t see that show again.
I have been absent from the blogging community lately because of health problems but I did have kind of a funny experience during my colonoscapy.
I woke up before it was over and the tech and the doctor were talking about going to Las Vegas and I said “I BET you didn’t know I can hear you.”
Also, I didn’t know I was “so full of it” until I had to prepare for the colonoscapy.
Whew talk about being “pooped” aftet that experience. O.K. I will stop. But you have to laugh about that paticular procedure.
I will be praying for you and everyone involved with the taping!
If you think of it I could use your prayers too. I may have ulcerative colitis or Chrones disease. The doctor also mentioned today that he may consider removing my colon. I will have another colonoscapy in a month or so then the doctor can do more biopseys and he will make a decision about surgery.
It has been a good time to be covered by The Word!
Much love as always!
Kristi B.
I will share a couple of short sayings:
Saturday afternoon my young friend (6)and I were taking a drive to see the fall colors. We were going down a steep hill and she said “I’m only going to look because I have eyes that see”
A few years ago this same young friend’s family was talking about preschool. She replied “I don’t need to go to preschool because I already know everything I need to know and what I dont’ know granddaddy will teach me.”
Quite a few years ago my now adult niece was three years old living in West Berlin Germany. While visitng them for three weeks I had the hiccups very frequently. Sam would put one hand on my upper chest the other same place on my back and squeeze saying “there now your hiccups are all gone” It wokred every time!
Last story
A little over a year ago I lost both of my parents exactly one month to the day apart. My great niece (not quite seven)and family were visitng me for the weekend. One night she looked over at me out of the blue and said “Who’s going to take care of you, you’re all alone”? We assured her that I had a wonderful church family and I had her and she wasn’t too far away to call to come.
I’m a sixth grade teacher, and as you probably well remember, this is the age when boys and girls do not necessarily care for each other’s company. One day after school, all the girls were talking about Lane, who had already left for the day. One of them said, “None of the girls like Lane.” I said, “Girls, I’d like you to try to say something more positive.” So Morgan pipes up with a grin and says, “I am POSITIVE I do not like Lane!” I couldn’t help but laugh.
Renee
My husband is the principal at the school where I work and my son goes to school. When my son was in kindergarten I was on my way to our home which was about 15 miles away from the school. My cell phone rang and a good friend of mine said, “Dena, who has Cooper?” To which I confidently replied, “Kirby (my husband) does.” She laughed hysterically and then informed me that BOTH OF US had forgotten him at school and that she would bring him home.
The next day there were milk cartons advertising our missing son and parent of the year ribbons adorning my room. Now, every time Cooper is concerned about something and I say, “Now, Coop…has mom ever let you down.” He reminds me about the time I left him at school.
Jenny, Stephanie, and I thank Patty for the shoutout on the ole LPM blog for the beautiful gift mixup at the PJ party!! HA HA HA HA! I could still cry about it (in complete laughter) over that dern mix up. We were slightly delirious by that point!!
These stories are fabulous!
Love,
Fran, Jennyhope, and Oceanmommy
i am a nurse by trade. One day i was explaining to my then 4 year old daughter that i had cared for a child the night before that had had heart surgery. She asked how do you do heart surgery. i explained how heart surgery was done on children. i added that doctors had to cut into the heart to repair a hole that could be in a child’s heart. She replied with great concern “Mommy, did they take God out of her heart?”
Just last week I loaded the kids in the car, late for school, of course, sat down in the driver’s seat, and SPLIT MY PANTS WIDE OPEN. A big open split, no little discreet tear. As it happened, that particular day, I had to pull over, get out of the car and show my fanny to the world while I re-shut the car doors on the drive to school. Then my house alarm went off and I had to meet a police officer with my pants flapping open in the back! I actually wrote a more detailed version of the story over on my blog, if anyone needs a good laugh!
My cousin stayed all night with her grown daughter and her husband, and was puzzled that one of her fake fingernails was missing. At the same time, the young husband yelled because he’d found the painted nail in the peanut butter! You guessed it; a midnight snack gone bad!
While playing a game of UnoAttack with my 7 year old son and my mother in law… my son was having a hard time holding his cards so his grandmother could see them. At one point his grandmother said ” hold up your hand”…so my son raised his little hand in the air as high as he could. He was obedient but obviously didn’t understand.
oMy best bud Barb told me the other day that she had decided the night before to make a long overdue homecooked meal for her family. So she went straight to the grocery and got a rotisserie chicken! 😀
A couple weeks ago we were visiting Cleveland, Ohio because of a death in the family. Living in Florida we don’t really get to see the fall so the hubby took me and the kids to a beautiful park to go for a walk.
As we were walking along the path in the woods hubby starts telling our 7 year old daughter about how when he was a kid his sister once saw a gnome run across the path, so we should be on the look out and listen for a gnome. My daughter was NOT buying it and she told him that if we really saw a gnome she would pay him $50.
All of a sudden we hear this really loud, spooky, cackling laugh that echoes all around us. We all look at each other, then my daughter says… I don’t know if that was a gnome or not but I am only paying you $1, not $50, if we do see one.
Cara
Many years ago, when our son was young enough to be watching me put on my control top pantihose, he looked at me with great concern and asked, “Does it hurt, Mommy?”
When my nephew was 3 years old he was visiting my mother’s house, his Nana. On this particular evening, my mother was having guests over that included another 3 year old. Since my nephew was an only grandchild and slightly rotten, my mother thought it important to talk with him about sharing his toys before the guests arrived. My mother said to him, “You’re going to have share your toys tonight. You know about sharing don’t you?” To this the little tyke replied in a most serious voice, “I know all about sharing…and I don’t like it.”
-Karen Mc.
When I was a teen, I played the organ for our church service. It was a little console organ that we had to leave on during the service, because the tubes would take too long to warm up for the closing hymn. One morning, during a long winded prayer, the minister said, “in closing, Father, we so look forward to your coming again” and a voice crackled over the organ speaker,”Roger that, be right there!”
the gasps and giggles were hard to contain!!
It really did happen, I would never make up something like that, I promise!!
My kids earn chore money for things like doing homework, laying their clothes out for school the night before, being in bed by 8:00, etc. Each chore completed that day, they get a smiley face and each smiley face is worth 25 cents. They have the ability to earn 7 smiley faces each day. A couple weeks ago my dear husband was washing up breakfast dishes because I had to be at a meeting at church early that morning. My 6 year old walks into the kitchen and exclaims, “Dad, I’m so proud of you! Are you trying to earn chore money too?”. He said, “No, Hanna, I’m just trying to earn a smiley face from mommy!!”. I thought that was hilarious…that sweet little thing.
In His Peace,
Dana
I was a stickler when it came to teaching my two boys to use proper English. My obsessiveness was revealed after the boys returned from a weekend hunting trip. When my oldest son was about 6 yrs. old my husband took my two to the hunting camp for the weekend, a guy’s weekend. We had ATV’s there and Mike, my husband asked Michael, my son to go out and start the ATV up so it would warm up before they took off one cold morning. After a little while Michael came back inside and said “Dad, I can’t get the ATV started.” My husband,never wanting the boys to say that they couldn’t do something replied “Michael, what did I tell you about saying you can’t do something?” In which Michael said “O.K. Dad I can not start the ATV.” Needless to say my husband told me that I would have to back off a little on the whole proper English thing.
From Enjoyin’ Grace in Florida