I’ve got some water boiling on the stove for lunch. We’re having reduced fat Velveeta Shells and Cheese. Yes, very nutritious! It’s been years since I’ve had Shells and Cheese and I couldn’t resist the temptation when I saw the box at the grocery store. Since a watched pot never boils, I thought I would come and blog for a minute.
(Pause to cook and eat.)
Mom and I had a very interesting conversation last week in which I was telling her that Curt and I had been at each other’s throats for a couple of days. She suggested that if I would go and “tend to my ministry” (wink, wink), maybe it would help things. At that point we both busted out laughing because, in our family, Mom is known as “The Titus Woman From Heck.” She gave herself that name, actually.
Titus 2:3-5 says, “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
(Pause to wipe cheese off my child’s body and put him down for a nap.)
We got to talking about some…
(Pause to change his diaper.)
Ahem. We got to talking about some of the more unusual, humorous, or even downright good Titus advice we’d ever given. When I shared mine, my mom laughed really hard about it. It might have been a little funny, but I tell you what! It was needed!
So we thought it would be fun to share some Titus advice. Whether it’s your best, your worst, your funniest, or your most unusual, as long as it’s family friendly, let’s hear it. I’ll share mine in a comment. Let’s hear from some single sisters as well as married ones!
This wasn’t given to me as a piece of advice, but it’s a comment I’ll never forget. At my aunt’s funeral, the pastor commented on how in the 50 years he had known my aunt & uncle, he never heard either one of them say a cross or negative word about the other. As a newlywed, that comment hit me like a ton of bricks. I had already made negative comments about my new husband! So many people have commented on the “sharp” tongues we gals can have. I try to remember this pastor’s comment anytime I feel frustrated or angry at my husband because I would love for someone to say about me that they never heard me utter a cross or negative word about my husband.
I think the best advice that I’ve been given was from my mom who said to “start the way you want to finish.” This can apply to many things, but my application for my marriage was, if I wanted my husband to be doing the dishes 6 years into our marriage, I needed to let him do them starting from day 1. Not only let him do them, but also not tell him HOW to do them. It’s hard to let things go and not complain about how they’re getting done, but be thankful that they’re done and I didn’t have to do them!
Amanda!The Lonely Loser post broke my heart. I too was single for what I considered a very long time..til I was 29. Please post for the single ladies that you won’t find your King Salmon in the sewer!! That was my Titus advice when I was single and feeling very desperate to find a mate. I’ll pray for her today!
Be your husband’s wife, not his mother. Love and accept him for who he is, not who you think you can make him.
Your job is to love him, not make him good. Conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit not a spiritual gift.
This advice comes from experience. BEEN THERE DONE THAT!
Wanda in Georgia
The best advice my momma ever gave me was to find ways to “praise” my man in the small things. I make a big deal over all the little things he does for me and around the house. This absolutely makes him feel like a stud. 🙂 I praise him when he folds the towels, when he cuts the grass with perfect precision, when he catches a moth that flies in while the door is open, etc. I have found in 9 short months of marriage that this goes a LONG way in keeping him happy and quarrels at bay!
Early in our marriage my husband tried very hard for a job and did not get it. He was crushed, and my best friend told me “Make him feel like a man tonight.” I’ll never forget that, and it’s something I remember 12 years later, especially when I know he’s feeling down about work. Ladies, we can help him overcome many things by making him feel like a man! Love y’all and so appreciate this blog.
I’ve learned over the “years” that putting down your husband only makes you look bad. After all, you are the one who chose to be with him. We should always guard our words. The more we criticize each other, the less likely we will be to feel love toward that person. I have often had to pray that God would take my hateful thoughts and my anger away, because I could not handle it any longer. God took it and gave me back a peaceful, loving attitude that did more to restore my marriage than any points scored in who was right and who was wrong. Our husbands don’t deserve to be “pushed away” when they need just the opposite.
Signed- a wife for 31 years and Titus woman for 10 yrs
I guess the good advice I gave was to an unchurched girl who had accompanied her friend to church camp. At church camp the girls were not allowed to wear two piece bathing suits unless there was a dark tee shirt over it. This infuriated the girl. After spending day and night with her for several days and being in several Bible classes and chapels, she was finally ready to listen and ponder to the explanation of why this was a rule. I gave her the advice of keeping a little mystery about her body…dress modestly even when you have a va-va-va-voom body. Plus, as we know, men are usually led with their eyes and appreciate the womanly form…so by covering up the goods, you’re helping him keep his mind on God, especially at church camp. 🙂
I don’t know where that girl is today. She probably has her own family by now. Hoping that the seed planted has blossomed and thrived.
I was told by a very wise Godly woman, who is now the dean of women at my old bible college. She said ‘DeDe, if you want your man to be a man of the Word – YOU be a woman of the Word, if you want him a man of prayer – YOU be a woman of prayer’. Excellent advice. Who we are really does contribute to ‘who’ others are, by example.
After my freshmen year in college and after a series of relationship heartbreaks with guys, my Titus woman, my older sister, encouraged me to ask Jesus to hide me until I was ready. Granted, I was never one of those girls who had guys knocking at her door, it tended to be the opposite. But I felt that the way I was going, giving away my heart to those that asked (and those who didn’t ask), by the time THE guy came around, if he did, I wouldn’t have any piece of me left to give. So I prayed the prayer. I faced a lot of doubt during that time, wondering if it was just by default that no guy was coming after me or if it was REALLY God hiding me, but eventually along the way, God showed himself to me as my True Love. He turned my face to him, helped me lose my baggage, and restore that which I had destructively been giving away. Crushes along the way never worked out and I eventually learned how to trust him better. 6 years later, God opened the door and I met the man of my dreams and was pursued in a way I never thought possible. My sister’s wise advice helped put my life and my heart on the path AWAY from destruction and towards LIFE!
God is so good! Through many wonderous blessings, God has called me to help begin a Titus 2 mentoring ministry at our church! It’s preparing to officially begin February 23rd! God, you are glorious to share “Moore” encouragement with me! I needed it today! I surely have been mentored by some tremendous women! My mother died when I was 17, and the Lord used my sweet friend Debbie, who was in her late 30’s at the time, to bless me. She and I are still close, calling each other nearly every day! We both love to share our lives with others. She is a true treasure to me!!
Last Sat night the news was talking about ice own the roads, my husband said your not going to try to go to church Sun ok. I usualley get ypset with that , your not, but I didn’t I said ok, as it rurned out the raods were ok, but I had a nice day with my husband,made him an outstanding(his words) baked chicken dinner, special things to go with it that he loves & I don’t .It was a very nice dinner together.Now many ofus din’t go Sun, but I let my husband tahnks for takeing care of me.I knew that is what it was because he don’t go to church but has no problems wuth me go all I want.I felt so specail because he was so worried about me going out & getting into ice & who knows there may ahve been something out there own the way I go.I missed church but I had a very specail day with my husband that I have very little of.He was my man that day.In fact its been a great week.He just was worried about me going out & getting hurt.I love that
To the lonely loser:
You are not a loser just because you’re single. I was single until I was 28, and it you would’ve thought I had three heads on my shoulders with some of my family…I guess the best advice seems cliche, but it’s cliche for a reason, I guess: be content where you are…you are enough in Christ. Once I realized that and kept coming at Satan with that fact, that I was enough in Christ, my time being single seemed to fly by.
Here’s some things I learned while single and after being married and having difficulty conceiving a child:
1. NEVER ask a single person, dating or not, when the wedding is.
2. NEVER ask a couple when they’re going to start having babies.
Both can be hurtful. You never know where people are in life and the struggles and difficulties they face. Now, would I ask a close friend these things in private – yeah, but never would I go up to an acquaintance in public and do it. I had it done to me too, too many times, and I left the room with a plastered smile, but I cried in my car all the way home and cried some more there.
Can I just get a big old AMEN from all the siestas that there are this many posts of women encouraged to be encouraging one another to be Titus women?! I find that it is harder and harder to find women who embrace the gift the Lord has given us in being women and instead scoff at the Titus principles. Thank the Lord for this community and all this wonderful advice!
I also want to echo what many women said about getting your deepest needs met by the Lord and the Lord alone, and how that will only improve your marriage tremendously. When we put a tremendous burden on our husbands to fill all of our needs, or to be perfect in order for us to be happy in our marriage, we really miss out on the joy of allowing Jesus to meet our needs and then have every good thing from our marriage seem all the more a blessing.
I’ve been reading since the beginning, but I don’t normally post. So here goes! I am married w/children and I loved reading all the Titus advice offered, but I had a tinge of pain reading about moms and Titus women.
I lost my mom when I was a very little girl and the past few years have been the hardest. I just turned 30 and have been married for 8 years! But it wasn’t until the past few years that I realized how much I missed out on without her in my life. I have so needed her advice and her help. At times, I’ve felt lost in the world of marriage and mommyhood, especially having moved far away from family & friends. Although I did have some wonderful Titus women in my life growing up and along the way, I’ve still grieved her loss as a mother.
Thanks Ang and everyone who is praying for us women out here who don’t have a Titus woman in our lives right now. What a great idea this was!
So my best piece of advice would be to love your momma (or whoever is like a mom to you) and thank God for her. Go and tell her how grateful you are for her today!
To the lonely (you are most definately not a) loser: My heart was so sad this morning at the affect all the Titus posts have had on your sweet heart. I want to apologize to you on behalf of all of us married (and sometimes insensitive) gals. Both Disco Queen and amy beth@ ministry so fabulous! gave shouts out to singles. You may be single for now, but that does not in any way mean you are alone or a loser. You are valued and needed and totally accepted here, in my book! We need your advice regardless of whether you are married or not!
Ok, ONE more comment! To my single siestas, most of my peer girlfriends are single, and I really do understand the way single girls can feel left out with all the talk of marriage and family, as if you aren’t a Christian woman unless you have those two things. As a married woman with no children, I can relate in some way to those feelings.
But I would encourage all of us to go back to Titus 2 and see what the Lord is saying here. The example that older women are to be in the church is valid regardless of whether you have a husband and children or not. We are all called to be reverent, not gossiping, not enslaved to wine (but filled with the Holy Spirit!), to love children (even if they aren’t our own like in my case!), to be sensible, pure, kind, and honoring the word of God. So, married or unmarried, God’s “titus” advice applies to all of us Jesus women.
Also, I would point us all to a beloved passage to me, and that is 1 Cor 7:32-35. This passage is crucial for all Christians, married or unmarried, male of female. What Paul is stressing here is that the truth is, when we get married, there is a big potential stumbling block in front of us, our desire to please our spouses (and I would argue the desire to be pleased by them!) over our devotion to God. Paul’s point here is clear: married or unmarried, our primary devotion must be to the Lord, so that we can do His will and fulfill the purposes and the ministries,whatever they may be,that He has put us here to accomplish in His name.
May we all be encouraged that where ever we are, the Lord wants us to have HIM as our most beloved and wants to use us for His glory.
Love you siestas!
As a mother to be my mom just recently told me that throughout the journey of parenthood, my husband and I may not always agree on how to raise our children, but make sure we pray about it asking for God’s guidance and ALWAYS present a united front in front of the children!
And I never thought about praying scripture over my breasts but with some of the stories I have been hearing from other mommies, the girls need some lifting up (well just in prayer for now!) 🙂
Here is some advice for our single sisters….
First of all, I don’t feel like I need to be giving advice to anyone, but my heart goes out to single people; because I have a special person in my life who is single and truly desires a Godly mate and family. So, here is how I pray for them, and it may make sense to ya’ll too. (Amanda, you feel free to run this by your momma, and delete this if I’m wrong..just email me and straighten me out).
As you are praying for a mate, Ask God what HIS will for you regarding marriage is. Earnestly AND Honestly ask him to change your desires If a spouse is not included in God’s BEST plan for you. Then, after some time if you’ve honestly asked God what his will is and you’ve given him the opportunity to change your desire so that it matches HIS; and you still strongly want a spouse. THEN, Keep praying. I consider that method carrying out Ps 37:4 that says “delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” It goes on to say in verse 5…”commit your way to the Lord and trust him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of YOUR CAUSE like the noonday sun.”
Girls, I can’t say its easy because we are still praying for that special person in my life to find a mate. And, I sure hope I have’t offended you at all. Its just that the first few years I prayed, I was praying about what “I” wanted for my friend and did not acknowledge God’s plan. But, I must also add, if you find yourself still just praying and praying, employ Beth’s believing God principles.
I sure hope my heart has shown through and ya’ll don’t feel any judgement.
Shana
Right now, I just feel like I’ve done everything all wrong. I’ve nagged, I’ve argued, I’ve set a bad example for my daughters. It’s all a mess. I wish I could get back the last 20 years and do it differently.
I know there have been a ton of wonderful comments already and maybe noone will see this, but my heart says share this: A lesson it has taken a lifetime to learn- put the oxygen mask on yourself. It’s the quandry about if the plane is going down, do you put the oxygen mask on your child first or yourself? Most of us would say our child. If you pass out then what? There’s always a balance and I have erred on the side of giving away too much more often then not. I find when I can breathe, I can love and give a whole lot easier.
Siestas, you all crack me up! I’m a (almost) 27 year old single mom to a spectacular 4.5 year old son. The Lord has been my refuge and my rock during some pretty tumultuous years. But He has brought me into the most amazing relationship with HIM! And from that relationship, I know He’s growing me into the wife my someday-husband will need. I may be a momma, career-woman, and Bible study leader today… but the day the Lord allows me to be a wife… watch out! You women have armed me with wisdom and advice to keep a marriage sacred, and fun! 😉
Oh lonely (not a) loser.
I’m so sorry you feel that way. The ladies at Deeper Still spoke directly to the single ladies at the conference as well and had the most encouraging words. They talked about the ministry that single women can have that married women can’t because our devotion and time is divided in different ways (I’m paraphrasing here). Their words to single people were just as profound as the ones to married ladies.
I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds by responding to you, but my heart couldn’t take you feeling left out.
I have learned something in my Bible studies over the last year and that is the meaning that Psalm 37:4 has begun to mean to me. I have a 31 year old friend who lost her husband to a heart attack in August (he was 31 as well), she is pregnant and due next month. Also, another guy, who is 30 passed away this very week, in our town. We have endured much tragedy, but these words ring true, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. I now know the HE is the desire of our hearts and when I delight in Him, He is my source of joy, and peace in times of trouble and happiness. My friend, who lost her husband is teaching me that more and more each day. He is the only constant we will ever have in our lives.
Sorry for the long response. You definitely were not left out at Deeper Still though, or in this post!!
I am so thankful for this opportunity to read about all kinds of people, with one love for Jesus.
Stephanie
I love reading all the comments!
What I have learned over 18 yrs of marriage: 1) Marriage is a ministry – have a servant attitude/ giving as Christ would. Marriage is a tool God uses in our life where we learn to die to self.
2) Communicate & make time for one another.
3) Pray
4)Forgive, forgive FORGIVE and then don’t bring it back up!.
5)Control your tongue & tone of voice.
6) Take care of yourself and how you look/dress. Someone else may be trying to catch his attention.
7) Find a common fun thing to do together — outside of kids. I think watching sports is a love language in it’s own right!
Funniest advice given to me:
1) never sleep w/ your back to each other. Well….DH is a mouth breather & I am a nose breather. I can’t stand to be facing him and vice versa (mostly b/c I snore!) That advice went out the window!
2) Working in the nursery is the best form of natural birth control!
What a wonderful idea! No matter what stage of life we are in, we can all learn from one another. I praise God for the Body of Christ!
As a pastor’s wife, I have been on both the receiving and giving end of advice. Here is some of the best advice that I’ve given or been given over the years:
1. FOR SINGLE WOMEN: Love God first! He has created you in a wonderful way. You are like a pearl necklace, pure, clean, and radiant. Every time you give of yourself to a man before marriage, it is as though you are giving him one of your pearls. Before long, all you will have is a dirty string. Would you want to present that to your future husband? So guard your purity, and on the day of your marriage, you will present him with the best gift of all: yourself, a pure and beautiful creation of God!
2. FOR MARRIED WOMEN: The issue of “our ministry” is one that is vital to marriages, but often not talked about in Christian circles. What a shame! I believe that Satan wants nothing more than to break up our marriages, and thus our homes. Keep your husband as a priority in your life. Love him intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and relationally. Make him your best friend.
3. FOR PASTOR’S WIVES: Adrian Rogers once told me, “A Pastor’s Wife can either fan the flame of her husband’s ministry, or quench the fire.” May we be women who fan his flame! Make your home a safe haven for him, one of encouragment and love. His job is hard enough!
4. FOR MOTHERS: Your children will more easily love Christ if they see you model it. “Things are easier caught than taught.”
I have loved reading everyone else’s advice. Thanks for such a fun blog!
Much love to all the siestas,
Tara in NC
A tidbit or two that I have passed on about being a Titus woman and marriage (which can be very hard in the early years)would be
You don’t love him because, you love him in spite of. (took me a looooong time to learn that one)
If you want him to change, start with yourself. (that was the hardest lesson for me to learn.) You can’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor because most of what I saw in him that I didn’t like, God had a way of putting me before a mirror to see it 100X’s as much.
Set your expectations at zero, that way you won’t be disappointed.
Not sure if those fall under that category but its’ good advice I’ve used to help me become the woman God wants me to be.
My “titus advice” came from my grandpa who cried every morning as he dug into the Word. He asked me when I was very young if “I know Him?” And he told my mom, who passed it on to me, that men love care-free women; the ones who like to laugh and smile.
When I was in jr. high (a rather unfortunate time for all of us) she told me the most beautiful thing you could wear is your smile. Sometimes I think we forget how powerful it is to smile.
Ps 43:5 from the message says “Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God – soon I’ll be praising again. HE PUTS A SMILE ON MY FACE. He’s my God.”
Tulip–Have you been reading “Love and Respect” by Emmerson Eggerichs? Your post sounds like a summary of that book. It’s basically a FANTASTIC “how-to” commentary on Ephesians 5:32…and from first-hand experience, I can say that applying the Truth from that book can pretty-much save an even “almost-over” marriage. It is definitely near the top of my “recommended reading” list.
For mothers (especially of the stay-at-home variety), http://www.gingerplowman.com has some fantastic resources. Through Ginger’s Ministry, Preparing the Way Ministries, you can get a great book called “Heaven at Home” that has tons of fabulous “Titus 2” tips, and you can also get my favorite tool–a chart called “Wise Words for Moms.” This chart lets you look up applicalble Scriptures, according to the specific wrong behaviors/attitudes of your children, so that you can correct them using a Biblical reproof–since “The rod and reproof give wisdom,” (rather than just “the rod” alone).
Apart from written sources, here are some great Titus 2 Tidbits from the women in my life–
From my pastor’s wife (no kidding)-save your wildest side for your husband–if someone else (other than God) is getting a better part of you than your husband is, then you are putting your marriage in danger and making “temptation” more tempting for your man; and “It is more than okay to throw away or give to Goodwill any nightclothes that your husband doesn’t like–even if they were gifts from your lingerie shower.” (This is the same sweet woman of God who gave me a box of bath salts and some “personal lubricant” in a pretty little box just before I walked down the aisle.)
From my friend Laurie–if you have small children who make you “good for not-much” at night, and you use a mother’s morning out program, be sure to invite your husband home for “lunch” at 11 before you pick up the kids at 12. He’ll appreciate your creativity!
From my mother–never let your daughter think that you are disappointed in her husband…encourage her that HER response is HER responsibility, and she is to respect her husband as God commands. Your daughter may not have listened to you much when she was 13, but now that she’s married, she listens more than you realize…and you hold tremendous power to encourage her to either become bitter or to make things better.
Also from my mother–during childbirth, pain is not the real issue–FEAR is, and that is a spiritual battle that our God has given you the weapons to overcome. So my dear, by all means–use them! (No, I didn’t have a pain-free labor, but it wasn’t more than I could bear–and by using her advice…finding specific Scripture about the Lord’s protection and strength and having friends read them aloud as I labored…and having praise music playing in the background… I was able to birth two big babies in relatively short time without so much as a heparin lock–GLORY to GOD!)
From my Nannie–when you get to be 80 years old and very tired, if your husband seems disgruntled, I suwannee–I naked nap can do wonders! (Yes–she grossed-out quite a few grandchildren with that comment, but I thought it was hilarious).
From my five year old, Mary Beth–we need to straighten up the playroom, fix our hair agaian, put on our lipstick, and be sure we smell good when the clock says five-O-O. AND–If you love Jesus, you’d better not wear a shirt that shows too much skin up here–people might see your “milkers!”
The thing that comes to my mind is when the wives/moms of husbands and sons in our church did a study on “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge. He talked about not “taming” our men. So many of us try to control and tame our men. When we do this, we are trying to squelch the wild/warrior side of their nature that God created in His image.
So I try not to tame my man and I also now call him “My Warrior” to remind him and ME – that he is a warrior for God and that he desires to be a warrior for me. I think it not only encourages him when I call him that (because he always smiles) but it is a great reminder for me to let my husband be who he is and let God work on the rest.
One more!! My first year of marriage was awful! My man would say the same…anyway, I wanted to make sure I “held him accountable” like some of the marriage books said 😉 so you could sort of call me the bible police. Can you see me with my sirens on about to write a ticket? I would be like “so, I have noticed you haven’t been reading your bible…and etc.” This would only push him away and in spite he would read his bible when he was away from me just so I wouldnt know it because I was going to force him to do ZIP! Anyway, how annoying was I? I crack up to think about some of the idiotic things I have done. God is BIG enough and doesn’t need me policing my man and trying to control!!
1 Samuel 2:2-3
2 “There is no one holy [b] like the LORD;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.
3 “Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the LORD is a God who knows,
and by him deeds are weighed.
Lots of “Titus” advise comes flooding into my mind as I begin thinking of what to share! Do I share the bean in the jar theory about the first year of marriage vs. the rest of your married life?
Do I share about kids, friends, family?
After much contemplation, I think I have chosen my top two!
1. My Forever Friend told me once, as I asked her for advice in my marriage, that I should not seek the advice of “man” (in her case woman) until I had first asked my Lord for His direction. While our friends and family love us, they can’t see the big picture like God can and we must seek His face first! It has stopped many phone calls I was in the process of making (and probably saved lots of money in long distance charges!)! 🙂
2. My dad gave us this wisdom as we were growing up…I still use it today (not as often as I should, unfortunately!)
If you don’t want it read, don’t write it.
If you don’t want it heard, don’t say it.
If you don’t want it seen, don’t do it.
May God bless each one of you–who have now become my new Titus Women!
These comments are all so wonderful and cover so much ground, now we need to put them into practice, deliberately…as Beth has taught. I’m 56, married for 30yrs (2nd marriage), and a qualified Titus woman. Here’s some advice not mentioned so far, but it has helped my marriage greatly. Engage yourself in what interests your husband, his hobbies, passions etc. My husband loves science fiction and computer games. I constantly made fun and criticized him for it until I recieved this advice and it changed our marriage. I made the decision to stop the criticism and “join him”. Now we watch “Battle Star Galactica” together and I actually enjoy it, he gets excited to watch it together, and explain it to me when I don’t get it. Show enthusiam for what he likes. I do this with my grandchildren too and it works so wonderfully. I get a cup of coffee and sit with my grandson as he plays video games, cheering him on. We are close and he loves to share it with me. We have built a friendship, and he enyoys it as much as I do. This works girls, try it! Love to all, Betty B
Thanks Amanda for the great topic.
To Anonymous that Signed off with the lonely loser: you are not a loser. Every woman has seasons of her life that should be treasured. I was married later in life. I can relate to the path you are walking. Even feeling like a loser…when in reality, I am a victor in Christ. Titus advice comes from women of all ages and stages…not just for those that are married. AS one poster said, so much of the sage words of wisdom we hear do not become fruitful until we are older and in practice of certain things. That season, for most women, is usually once they become mothers.
I struggled to begin my family. I had a heartfelt desire since I was young child playing with dolls to be a mother. My struggle hurt so badly when I was single, everyone else was married, marrying, had found the one, starting families, raising families, completing families, etc. I understand where you are. I don’t “know” where you are, I just understand it.
Take the season you are in and enjoy where you are. I see so many women everyday who are unhappy with where they are…b/cause they didn’t enjoy the season of singleness. They did not walk the path to learn about themselves, to listen and hear what God has/had for them, and suddenly wake up after making choices…and then start questioning.
Please know that you have struck a chord with me, and I’m sure several who remember the days of where you are. That place still tugs at my heart. I have said a prayer for you and will remember to pray over you. And honestly, I wish for myself that I had trusted in the Lord to provide the desires of my heart. He knows those desires. He does long to give us those desires. He wants to see us happy and complete. We have to learn to REST in Him…nothing we do will speed the process up.
Take care. Keep checking in.
Kristi in TExas
My best friend says, “Occasionally (smiling) even when you know he isn’t “right”, let him “win” (don’t correct him)”. At times, I really struggle with this one. You would think that after being apart for 3 years, I would not have such a hard time! Before my husband & I met, he was at the wrong place, with wrong people, wrong path (you get the pic) and was arrested. In the 2 1/2 years that followed, we met, fell in love, turned our lives around and got married. Then, he was sentenced to 3 years in prison. During this time, our MIGHTY God used him to witness to so many! While I was waiting, my precious Savior did some MIGHTY work in me!!! Happy to announce that he has been home for 3 months! Praise God!!!
My “Titus Advise”: If you are going through a similar situation or know someone who is, remember that each day that passes is not one more day apart but one day closer to him/her being home!!
FYI: I didn’t plan on sharing so much today but heard that sweet small voice telling me that He calls us to be transparent! Oh how I love you Lord! God bless each and everyone of you!
Amanda: Good girl – another awesome LPM Blog Idea!
Years ago, a precious older woman in my church shared two things with me about marriage and men:
#1 – Our husbands have a great need to be respected. (I didn’t say they always DESERVE it, but they DESIRE it.) I can assure you that your man will respond to you in sweet ways when you respect him. Specific ways to do this are by not embarrassing him in public, treating him with honor, and keeping a quiet heart and MOUTH.
Ruth Graham once said that if we felt the need to say something negative to or about our husbands, “tell it to Jesus” for He is the only One that can do anything about it! And WE are the ones who are changed after the telling prayer time.
#2 – Let your husband off the hook and remember that only Jesus can meet ALL your needs.
Philippians 2:3-4 “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
A good word from THE WORD – applies every day.
And now I am that older woman! I’m young though – just 50! 🙂
My favorite age group to mentor are those your age, Amanda! You are a doll – so genuine.
Blessings to Melissa as she prepares to be a bride…
Love from Georgia Jan
Wow, I haven’t been here in a couple of days. Wow.
Amanda you are a cutie pie! And so are the Tods. I spent a few days with a couple of Tods while their mommy was having #3. They are my precious grands and I had a ball with them.
I have loved this post. I have laughed so hard I’ve cried and then I have cried! There is always two sides isn’t there. The good the bad, the happy the sad, the pretty and the ugly. And I would venture to say that most marriages and single lives have experienced it all! It was a joy to read all of the Godly wisdom and advice. This was a great idea Amanda.
One piece of advice I was given many years ago and have given over the years of being involved in teaching younger married women is that “one of the best things you can do for your children is love their dad and build a solid marriage.” This is quite a task when you are in the throws of motherhood but it is worth the effort.
Dear anonymous with the 20 years of failure: God’s mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. I have claimed this verse most mornings of my life because in one way or another, we all experience failure. You have just been given enough Godly advice to get you and your marriage jump started! Praise the Lord for He is our source of new beginnings, our do over. Micha 7:8 says,”Do not gloat over me, my enemy, when I fall, I will arise.” Get up siesta, get up and get started again, you are in my prayers for a victorious marriage.
Here is the best Titus advice I was ever given. My friend Holly is married to a wonderful fellow, who is active in politics. It is his passion. Sometimes his job would consume his mind. So Holly, rather than nagging him about issues that were important to discuss, would pray: Lord, will you talk to my husband about this issue?
Sure ‘nough, he would come home and bring up the issue. Holly would wink at God and thank Him for bringing up the issue. Her husband would feel proud that he thought of it!
My grandmother and grandfather were married 61 years before he went to be with the Lord in 2007. I asked my grandmama, “What was they key to staying together so long?” Her reply, “We just stayed together.” They were in love.
I have to second Cherbears comment. I am also in MN, and it has been below or just at zero all week. However, I have three words that will help your ‘ministry’-SMALL SPACE HEATER! You aren’t trying to heat the whole house, just the bedroom!
My other advice, not necessarily from any one person in particular that I can remember, is to continue to ‘date’ your spouse after you have kids. They will move out one day (hard to imagine when they are little), and you still have your relationship. Someone else said it too, your relationship will speak volumes to your children.
ok, there’s currently 205 comments and I have been reading them off and on since this morning. I have not taken the time to form a response as I’m too ENTHRALLED in all these posts from my beloved siestas!! I am determined to read every one, which I rarely have time to do. I’ll work on it over the weekend because I believe this is the BEST post to date on this site! How sweet this one is and how dear the love of Christ to mold us as He does and encourage us through each other! I’m loving it!
The best advice my Godly Mother ever gave me concerning marriage was to “praise” my husband in the little things. I take every opportunity to “praise” him when he folds the towels (even though he folds them wrong :D), when he cuts the grass with engineer-like precision, when he cleans out my car, etc. It makes him feel like a total stud, it makes him appreciative of all the things I do for him, and most of all it keeps petty quarrels at bay! I also agree with the Siesta that said that it is hard to fight Naked 🙂 Anytime we start to argue about something silly – I will just walk right up to him and give him a big kiss. It puts a smile on his face everytime!!
Well, Mrs. Amanda… I would have to say that my best Titus 2 advice would fall into two categories…
1. To a dear friend who is struggling so with wounds between she and her husband. I just gave it to her this morning. She fails to trust God because her husband is untrustworthy, she refuses to hope because her husband has disappointed her so many times, she refuses to love because forgiveness is not necessarily release, and she wonders if she is somehow unworthy and that is why God does not answer her prayer.
I told her: I heard you say three things that need to change right now – you put on things that don’t belong to you and you need to take them off and where what God has given you. 1. Unworthiness – wear the garment of Worthiness – because God deemed you worthy when He sent His Son to die on the cross for you. 2. Rejection/Disappointment – You must where the garment of acceptance. You are accepted in the beloved, and no one on earth can take that away from you. 3. Hopelessness/Lack of Trust – you must wear the garment of Hope and Trust in the Lord, because what you are saying right now is God can’t be trusted because your husband is not trustworthy and you will not hope in the Lord because your husband has let you down so many times.
If you don’t then you deny God the freedom to sustain you and provide for you even if nothing ever changes with your husband – He wants you to trust Him and Hope in Him no matter what your husband does or does not do. That will free Him up to work His will in your husband’s life. She told me she was not even sure she should talk to him about the most recent drama – and I told her (based on a conversation we had about 2 Peter 3) that she absolutely should not speak to him about it, but give God a wide berth to speak into her husand’s life apart from her and pray like everything all that God would will for Him in this time. Then ask God to give him a broken heart and a contrite spirit, and when he comes to you do not respond out of hurt, respond out of brokeness… but you must wait for God to move.
2. The second was to my daughter on two occasions: She and I went to see One Night with the King last fall and when we got home we talked about boys, relationships and why she could never seem to find a guy who did not think she was too good for him while her bad girl gone good friends all had seemingly godly relationships with boys at the time. I told her that I would rather see her wait for God to bring the right young man into her life, and that she would wait and pray for God to prepare her heart for him than to see her going out and “trying boys on” (dating around) to see if they are a “right” fit. This past summer, a very godly and devoted young man walked into her life and captured her heart in a patient friendship for months before he began to woo her in courtship and now is planning to work toward her goals and dreams right along side his own. Recently they had occasion to have their first disagreement which made her sick and quite frankly worried me. When she confessed the whole mess to me, I was able to share wisdom from experience. She told me a boy who had hurt her – a “Mr. Right Now” kind of guy – was still her friend and they often commented each other on Myspace. Well, her boyfriend does not like this young man because of the way he abused the love of his life, and is threatened by their friendship because he recognizes how vulnerable my daughter is to his persuasion. When BF admitted he was monitoring their comments to one another and did not like it, my daughter got angry and accused him of not trusting her. I lovingly told her that trust needed to exist both ways, but if this young man who is by any means merely an acquaintance to her now is a threat to her reationship because there is the slightest hint of impropriety – even in friendship then it was up to my daughter to end the friendship with the boy who is a perceived threat. It is necessary to demonstrate her commitment to BF and if he is indeed the man she believes he is for her (“ordained by God”), then she must protect that relationship at the cost of the other to honor her BF. I apologized that it was not what she wanted to here. A few days later, she was in a situation where BF and she were out on a church group outing when an old beau who she was crazy about and who was in college pursuing his calling in ministry seemed to be flirting with her. My daughter called him aside and confronted him about the matter telling him it was completely inappropriate and he should stay away from her if he was going to act in such a dishonoring way right in front of her BF. I was quite proud of my girl’s unction since she is so non-confrontational.
Blessings upon blessings…
I’m a newlywed, but here’s some advice that I have received (either corporately or personally) that I’m finding to be helpful:
When getting married, put plenty of things on your registry to make things easier on your guests. And put things on it you wouldn’t normally buy for yourself, like holiday dishes and such.
Be sure to have a casserole dish with a carrier to keep things hot or cold to take things to the many potlucks you’ll be invited to as a couple.
Before talking to your husband about a change you want him to make, talk to God about it first. The results may surprise you.
Find someone other than your mother to talk to about your marriage issues, because you’ll forgive your husband much sooner than she will. I would even say find someone outside of your immediate family because gossip can fly through a family quickly.
Be willing and expect to give things up (even ministry) if it benefits your marriage. This can be really difficult, especially if it’s something you’ve poured your heart into, but you won’t be sorry.
Keep your hands moving. (Thanks, Beth) 🙂
And something that I’m discovering for myself – God will speak to my husband rather than me about certain issues that affect our family (including solutions to problems), even if I’m the one doing all the Bible study. So I’m learning to always _ask_ my husband first what he thinks instead of _telling_ him what I think we should do. Knowing this forces me to show respect for his role and position as head of our household.
Drats on you, Amanda for posting this! I have a huge book deadline and NOW I’M GOING TO BE READING ALL THESE!
Okay, so I just can’t pass up an opportunity to give advice, so here goes. Mine is actually the result of someone else’s Titus advice… Many years ago, I attended a women’s conference and one of the speakers did a workshop on what it was to be a true “Titus woman/Godly wife.” Of course, I came home feeling like pond scum and burst into tears telling my husband, “she said that we should be organizing your sock drawer according to color and our stupid socks are in a pile on the floor at the end of the bed! I’m a horrible wife!”
To which my sweet husband replied: “Honey, blow off that advice. There’s only one drawer I want you to worry about and that’s your lingerie drawer.”
Hah! you gotta love it! And yes, over a dozen years later, the socks are still in a pile on the floor at the end of the bed, but my lingerie drawer is in order!
Oh, Siestas — this is just priceless – I am so glad to realize that in some way, shape, or form, we all experience trials – better known as little foxes. . . (Song of Solomon 2:15) I cannot tell you all how I needed this today! Since we are on the subject, I just have to share with you . . . last week, a friend of mine (singer/songwriter Melanie Hart) gave me an incredible resource – Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Some Christian bookstores carry it – but I know Lifeway has it. It has made the greatest impact on my life in such a short time. The concept seems really simple, but yet it is so profound in every kind of way. Women – “respect” your husband and you will receive the love you are desiring. Respect, even though you may not feel it – Ephesians 5:33 . . . each one of you must love your wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Don’t argue which comes first the chicken or the egg – just do it. Trust me on this one, hands down – it is a winner!!! Ultimately, everyone wins. Especially Christ and isn’t that what we are really after?
Melissa, I really appreciate your sharing about the jacket tied around the waist. Sometimes our young people learn more by example a lot quicker than someone commanding all the time. How utterly wonderful! I thank God for all of your advice!
Love you all so much! Alisa
Hey all… Just wanted to clarify that since I have been married nearly 10 years.. I knew what “tending the ministry” was talking about! 🙂 I was joking, hence the winks. 😉 Thank you Nicole for messaging me and explaining some more!! I can’t post what you said on my blog because it is my business blog.. so I hope you will read this.
And, my heart goes out to the single siestas who are feeling lonely. The best advice I recieved as a single gal was to deepen my relationship with God so that my God shaped hole would be filled. That way, when the man came along, it was a gift and not a necessity. 🙂
great post amanda!
we started this 1 with our girls at Bible study (most likely prompted during one of Beths studies) when a gal starts to share how life is rollin down hill we can give her/eachother a simple priority check by sayin in love…
Go
Have
Coffee
Often
AKA…
God
Husband
Children
Others
so quickly those 4 can get jumbled.
the best given me came when my physical health was failing. a dear Titus 2 woman came up to me and said the same thing everyone else did…but added an “extra” i’ll never forget.
“How are you…(lookin me straight in the eye)…in your soul?”
ooooh…good one. she gave me a soul check right then & there. that’s healthy! she knew what refining looked like and wasn’t afraid to love thru the tuff stuff. i love that gal!
lovin life in Him-lisa
My husband is an unbeliever.During one particularly hard season I spent the better part of a year asking myself and God “what was I thinking & why did you allow it?” God revealed several things to me that year about His sovereignty and His love.
I was in Beth’s Fruit of the Spirit study at the time and during one segment she looks right at the camera and says (my paraphrase) “and if you’re wondering if he’s the one then let me tell you he is, now that had to be from the Holy Spirit b/c that is not in my notes , someone needed to hear that!” Well it was me. God brought 2Chronicles 21 to me over and over and I learned that like King Jesoshaphat this battle is not mine it is the Lord’s. I need to do what God tells me to do and He will do the rest. In v 22 the choir goes out before the army and praises God for the victory. So here is my Titus wisdom, every day in my quiet time I thank God for a husband who loves me and I do know beyond a doubt that he loves me. Even if he doesnt know the Lord (yet) his love for me is something to praise God for today.
After 20 years of marriage (and this is my second marriage, lest you get the wrong idea), I have learned on thing through my sweet husband’s example: fight fair. No personal, derogitory comments allowed – never.
(I don’t always live by his example, but I do try. We have out moments of disagreement, but we try very hard to stay on topic.)
As a single gal, I appreciate those of you who reached out to lonely (but by no means, loser) anonymous. especially Tulip, your comment blessed me personally.
I am ok as I am for now, and quite honestly a husband would slow me down. I have too much I personally want to accomplish before becoming one with someone else. I am meant to pursue my masters, which I am doing, I am wanting back pack, and travel, and I am only 24. Only in the South are you an old maid at 24! In NY, women often wait until their 30’s to get married, and that’s ok. I used to play that mind game with myself, until it hit me that my plan is not the same as others, and that’s kind of cool.
Who am I to compare myself to others, and what makes there way better than mine? Who am I to negate the individual and unique plan the Lord has for me. Some of my married friends call single women selfish, and I kind of think that has more to do w/ her than actual reality. I can pour into others, and I can love on others and have a sweet season to just go with it, becuase there will come a time where that won’t be the case. I won’t have regrets, wishing I would have done this, or tried this path, and I will be firmer in my walk with Christ. I have grown and changed so much since college, so for me personally, I see God’s hand prints all over my “singleness” right now.
I also understood the ring thing, and how you’re claimed, and you’re someone’s. That is hard, but it’s harder when you surround yourself only in that environment. Surround yourself with girls or women in the same boat, to encourage, challenge and uplift each other. That way, when you’re with your married gals, you won’t be looking at them, thinking you lack something, or aren’t complete. Marriage isn’t what completes you, God is. And you know what, if you’re single, praise God that He is wanting to work all the junk out of you so you can have a trully healthy, and happy marriage. You will know who you are, and most importantly, who you are in Christ. It’s valuable, and precious, and in some ways will make it that much sweeter.
There is no right or wrong path. Many of my married friends say they have changed and grown and are working through tough stuff right now in their marriages. I know those things will grow them, and make them stronger, but their lives aren’t perfect. Some are getting divorced, and then some are swept off their feet in love and doing well. Same goes for single gals, some are battling it out with God and their flesh, some are defeated because they’ve believed the lies that they aren’t pretty, or cute, or wifely enough, and then some are working in NYC for magazines, or oversees doing missions, or going out to fun restaraunts with friends, taking trips, hanging out with the singles groups at their church, etc.
The grass is green, muddy and dead and both sides, let us all remember that and also, let us not wait around for our life to start. Marriage doesn’t = life starting, life has already started, LIVE IT and know that the creator of the universe adores you, and whether you’re married or single, or both or whatever, He wants to be your enough, and He wants to be first.
xoxoxoxoxoxo to all! 🙂
-M
As I’ve read over the comments on this Titus advice subject I’ve really enjoyed so many of the things shared and I’ve cut and pasted some of the advice in my Word for Windows folder of favorite quotes that I wanna keep forever.
But, I am struggling with some of the “ministry†comments made because as we’ve seen from our recent Roll Call column that we have a lot of women that frequent and enjoy this blog.
My concern is that statistics indicate that 1 out of 4 women have been sexually abused prior to the age of 18 and we more than likely have a few ladies here that are struggling with this area and I am certainly praying for you!
I personally think our advice to them regarding the “marital ministry†should probably be addressed a little differently than: ( keep your hands moving and it takes more time to make excuses than just take the dang 5 min and “minister”). These dear ladies have been wounded deeply and need to be healed deeply as our dear sister Beth completely understands!
I attended the Nashville Deeper Still conference when the concluding remarks addressed our “ministry†to our husbands and I was grieved in my heart as I thought of how many women in that huge arena must struggle in this area because of past abuse. I’ve learned in my own life that just “ministering†to my husband will NOT make the pain experienced go away.
Satan certainly doesn’t want any of us healed from our struggles because he knows how dangerous we could become if we are!
My best Titus advice is to just pray for God’s healing and since He is such a personal God, only He knows how to heal each of us as our personalities require Him to! He may require me to seek professional counseling and someone else He might provide them with a wonderful godly mentor to walk them through the struggles. He knows your needs and wants each of us to be DANGEROUS for Him!
I know God wants all to enjoy the “marital ministry†and I just challenge each lady that reads this to begin praying for our sisters on this blog that might be struggling in this area.