I’ve got some water boiling on the stove for lunch. We’re having reduced fat Velveeta Shells and Cheese. Yes, very nutritious! It’s been years since I’ve had Shells and Cheese and I couldn’t resist the temptation when I saw the box at the grocery store. Since a watched pot never boils, I thought I would come and blog for a minute.
(Pause to cook and eat.)
Mom and I had a very interesting conversation last week in which I was telling her that Curt and I had been at each other’s throats for a couple of days. She suggested that if I would go and “tend to my ministry” (wink, wink), maybe it would help things. At that point we both busted out laughing because, in our family, Mom is known as “The Titus Woman From Heck.” She gave herself that name, actually.
Titus 2:3-5 says, “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
(Pause to wipe cheese off my child’s body and put him down for a nap.)
We got to talking about some…
(Pause to change his diaper.)
Ahem. We got to talking about some of the more unusual, humorous, or even downright good Titus advice we’d ever given. When I shared mine, my mom laughed really hard about it. It might have been a little funny, but I tell you what! It was needed!
So we thought it would be fun to share some Titus advice. Whether it’s your best, your worst, your funniest, or your most unusual, as long as it’s family friendly, let’s hear it. I’ll share mine in a comment. Let’s hear from some single sisters as well as married ones!
The best advice I ever received was to become like a Jew. My husband is jewish and my marriage was on the rocks because of my recent conversion to Christianity. A teacher from a seminar I was taking who was a messianic jew advised me to take Pauls advice and become like a jew. Out of sheer desperation I did. It worked. My husband and I are now united in Christ.
Some really good bits of advice I have gathered along the way or I learned the hard way:
1) When speaking to my husband, would I want him to speak to me the way I speak to him sometimes? I would be a puddle of tears with a broken heart if he did (which he never has)!
2) God tells couples in the Bible (paraphrased)….men are to LOVE their wives and women are to RESPECT their husbands. This doesn’t mean that men aren’t to respect and women aren’t to love. Then why did God put it that way? Because He created women to more naturally love others and men to more naturally respect others. The Bible tells us to focus on those things that are NOT as easy for us to do. Women need to be shown LOVE but that doesn’t come as easily for men. Men need to be shown RESPECT but that doesn’t come as easily to women.
3) Husbands and wives are setting the example for their children. If you want your children to have successful marriages, to love and respect their future partner, then you need to shown them what they should expect and how to behave. You don’t want little girls to learn how to nag their husbands and you don’t want little boys to learn how to ignore that nagging wife! Hold your marriage up to a mirror…..would you want that life for your little ones? Marriage is also supposed to be an example of Christ and his bride, the church. Are you showing that example in your marriage? If not, repent and ask God to help you in your marriage…even if you are the only one doing it! Be blameless before the Lord.
4) Never speak badly about your husband in front of others and definitely NOT to your mother!!! You should always build your husband up in public AND in private, no matter what he has done. Always pray for him and ask God to show you areas of your husband’s life that need God’s attention….not what YOU think needs a change.
However, if you are in an abusive relationship, RUN to the nearest shelter or authorities for help!! Things will NOT get better until he has received some professional help and HE has made the choice to change. YOU CANNOT change him…only HIS choice to change with God’s help will make everything better.
Great subject, Amanda. Thanks!!!
Well, most of the young women in my church know that the first thing I’m going to tell them if they complain about things at home is to make sure that they are “wink wink” meeting their man’s needs. They tease me about being “dr.ruth”, but the truth that touches my heart is how many of the young gals have come back to thank me later and tell them that their husbands will forever be grateful for the encouragement I gave their young wives. It’s a priviledge to be a part of the body of Christ, no matter if I am now an older woman. (Sort of a bummer sometimes…where does the time go? I remember when I was the younger woman 🙂
I am just going to be real and short:
With 5 boys (all middle school!), work, church, small groups, Bible study and extended family here is our simplistic plan that is working for us in this season:
*take lots of baths together
*eat lots of chips and salsa together
*do our 20 min. Turbo Jam workout together every morning followed by our Bible reading
the key word is TOGETHER!
Christ is at the center of our TOGETHER and it is working!!
PS- Siesta Beth, give us some morsels from your Deeper Still that a few of our fellow siestas are commenting about. Please do tell more about “ministry”
I can not wait to read all the comments on this one!! I see a Titus advice book in our future!
Ok, I have 2. The first is from our very own Beth in the Wising Up study. When it comes to our “ministry”, keep your hands moving at all times. I know that sounds a little blunt, but it makes a big difference!
The second is from a woman whose parenting skills are amazing. When my first son was getting to the age of wanting everything his way, she told me “Don’t give your child a choice until he can handle having no choice at all. Being able to choose (socks, clothes, toys, etc) is a privilege”. That one piece of advice saved me from a lot of tantrums!!
When I was getting married, a woman shared this with me: When your husband offers and/or does a household chore, let him do it his way, and be thankful!! Very practical. Still comes to mind after 14 years…
“Daddy’s ways are not always YOUR ways, but they work none the less and your child is not complaining one bit!!”
To this day my husband has and cared for our 4 little girls (at one point aged 3.5 and under) with ease and without my butting in. He is hands on and equally qualified in all areas of our parenting. I have never given a bath when he has been home! Talk about a keeper.
I counsel young”ish” women many of whom are further along in their “spiritual walk” than their husbands. These women so want their spouses to love God as much as they do and I often advise them to: 1. Submit to their husbands with a humble heart
2. Do not try to change their husbands and love them the way they are 3. Pray without ceasing for their husbands relationship with the Lord.
Our Soverign, Mighty, Deliverer ALWAYS shows up to these husbands in a powerful way (often through the wives’ loving attitudes). Praises to the One who saves us!
BTW, I learned these lessons the HARD way myself!
For generations in my husband’s family, priority was always given in a marriage to get away once a year as husband and wife. This has been so meaningful to us to build memories together — we look forward to the time away in planning our retreat times together, try different kinds of places (bed and breakfast, hotel, different towns, etc.), and always bring along games, books, and different ways to refuel together. It is so refreshing!!! Then we remember our time shared and feel refocused in our marriage so that we can be better parents too.
Romantically, it helps me to listen to some favorite love songs together (some that are upbeat and happy for dancin’ and flirtin’ with my man, some that are tender and affirm lifelong commitment, etc.) take a little time to freshen up, make it a priority to have fun-smile-laugh-flirt-look good for him. I feel more connected to him when I prioritize those things, and it mutually helps both of us.
We enjoy being together — which is held together in hard times by our friendship and commitment to each other, to help each other, support each other, and make it a priority to listen. We have walked some hard roads in 16 years and four children, but these things have blessed our marriage and strengthened us to walk together by the grace, power, and love of God. Glory to Him!
The first few years I was married, I really struggled with the whole concept of submitting. I reminded my pastor husband often that I was saved before I met him and didn’t need him telling me what to do at church. I also told him that he wasn’t my daddy. (I know, who talks to a preacher like that??) =-)
What helped me get my heart right on this issue was when the Lord gently spoke to my heart and told me that my husband didn’t tell me to submit. He did. WOW! That was different.
We still dealt with the normal things couples go through in a marriage, but submission didn’t sound like an ugly word anymore!
And 25 years later we are more in love than we have ever been!
Our pastor told us in our pre-marital sessions to “keep the lines of communication open”. I had no clue to the work that would be or how intentional we would have to be. But it is worth it! I also read that it is good to find out what my man wants before he asks for and do that. It is so fun!! And it helps in taking every thought captive and in thinking on what is “good”!! Thank you for all the grat advice. . . gotta love it!!
I have TONS of Titus 2:3-5 friends. For pretty much all of my marriage I’ve been one to spend more time with my friends than my family. Well, in the last couple of weeks God has been screaming in my face to STAY HOME AND TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY. Last night a very good and loving friend, who is one of my Titus friends, told me in a very firm, but very loving way that I need to be spending more time at home with my family. I’ve been crying all day, but, not cuz I’m sad, but because I know that she’s right. So, my husband and I talked and my home life is going to change dramatically from this moment on. Thank you to all my Titus 2 friends. Especially Eileen, Karen and Karen. I love you all.
Kristi
Oh my thank you Amanda–Titus woman…as I read the blog I am struggling to breastfeed my two-week old son and reading your words was just the encouragementI needed. Thank you…and I’m still dying over Nana’s wedding advice too.
These are so fun to read through!
My hubby came home from work and I met him with a nice tall glass of iced tea. I’ve been spoiling him in little ways like that all evening. Finally he asked…”What in the world have you been reading on those blogs today??!!” Oops, I got caught. I don’t think he’s complaining though!
Anyway, my biggest Titus advice would be to encourage godly friendships for your husband. Mine has a group of 4 men he meets with every other week…they have a great time of fun and crazy fellowship, but also an important time of prayer and accountability. I can’t tell you the difference it makes in him after he’s had that guy time. It’s awesome. Guys don’t tend to seek out such friendships like we siestas do, so encourage it as much as possible!
Blessings to all,
Kelli in Ohio
I’m getting down on my knees right this minute for all of us who do not have a Titus woman in our life! I thank God I have many Titus friends, but my heart goes out to the many women who don’t! This blog is such a gift to women from all around the world who need this connection!
Much Love,
Angie xoxo
Recently I told a good friend of mine who is engaged that when she is married to seek out a few older women whose attitudes towards marriage she knows to be Godly, and develop a relationship with them that in her toughest, towel-biting, tear-jerking, “why did I marry this person?” moments she can go to them for good, sound Titus advice and have someone to pray with for her marriage.
What’s more, I told her once she finds those few strong Titus women, to not open up her marriage for much discussion with anyone else (in a serious manner, of course). I encouraged her to always respect her husband in front of others, even when she is frustrated, and never give into the temptation of bad-mouthing her spouse or her marriage with women who do not have a Christ-centred and Holy Spirit-led view of marriage.
I have found that abstaining from the temptation to gossip about my own marriage with others, and my relationships with a few Godly women who will give me sound Titus advice, encouragement, and prayer when I really need it, has been indispensable.
Great Idea, ladies, thanks!
My best girlfriend is five years younger than me (as she has always been quick to point out to anybody who would listen!) but was born to be a wife and mother. We had been friends for a couple years when my marriage got in serious trouble. I called her in tears and she advised me-in a loving, best friend kindof way, that I had the wrong idea. She told me that I shouldn’t expect my husband to just BE a good husband; it was my job to train him. She explained that men come in different varieties and that I needed to figure out what variety of man I had married and behave accordingly. She affectionately referred to it as husband training. Over the next few years, whenever I called her with a complaint she would say “He just needs an adjustment” or “You need to rethink your response”. Her advice was always: 1)in tune with God’s plan for marriage 2) given only when I asked and 3)put things in perspective, making my mountains into the molehills they were. She wasn’t the older Titus woman, but when it came to instructing on loving my man she was mature beyond her years.
I usually like reading this blog but find this one very discouraging. I am single, don’t have a husband, and don’t have kids. I feel like the only advice worthwhile is if it refers to these two things. What about us who aren’t married. We would love to “tend” to certain things. Makes me feel pretty much worthless because I dont have a family.
the lonely loser
Taking a nice soak in the tub at night can be a great time to transition from “mommy” to “wife”.
While you’re there, shave those legs.
Always wear something pretty to bed.
~married 23 years, and lovin’ it
To my girls and guy in my college ss class I try to dish my best Titus 2 advice. I have also tried to teach this to my older brother who took a while to believe me when I say…
If he/she will cheat with you, then he/she will cheat on you!
If he/she treats you badly when you are dating, he/she will treat you worse as a husband/wife.
#1 truth…
Date one, marry one.
(You can insert alcoholic, abuser, cheater, poor money manager, ect in place of One)
I unfortunately used to be friends with a bunch of losers. We always compared our marriages as to who had the best husband. Since my husband’s talent was drinking beer, I was usually the loser. So, I got some new friends that were a bit more encouraging. Suddenly I had lots of nice things to say to my husband (and about him!) I also like buying him cute boxers for Valentine’s day. Have fun in your marriage. God knows there is enough things to be serious about in this world.
I’m single, amd been somewhat wounded in my past…as I’m sure lots of us have, right?
Anyway, I’ve had this issue with trying to protect my own heart. However, I’ve found that limits the Holy Spirit in the work He can do through me. God has charged me with loving the man I love with Agape Love…it’s super-hard. I thought it was easy and such a pleasure for a while, but the devil didn’t let that last. He’s such a booger. So, as I have pushed through, it has taught me the distinct difference in Agape and plain ole human love. Our human love will only take us so far, it so easily faints and fails…love from Above demonstrated through us will not only endear us to our men and vice versa, but also endear our Savior to our men! And that is a set-up for something extraordinary!! Right?! At least, that’s what I feel like He is teaching me and I’m super-excited about. Can you tell?
I remember Beth saying one time to treat your man like that man you want him to become, and you’ll see him become that. I think of that so often. I actually think I remember her saying an older woman passed that long to her.
His name is Benjamin. Lift him up if you have a moment.
Hugs…
HMMMM. I would say the best I have for wives is. Love your husbands the way you want to be loved, even when you dont feel it, or if you’re not recieving it. Love them like you hope to be loved. And dont try talking to them when football is on.
And since I am single (now) I can tell you I wish I had done it that way.. For the single siesta’s pray for God to send you some busy work while (or if) your waiting on a husband. God knows who or when to put in your life, but dont wait to live your life his plan starts taday with you as you are.
This quote has meant a lot to me because this is the kind of witness I hope to be.
“Preach Christ. And if you must, use words.”
–St. Francis of Assisi
I have learned a few things the hard way. Honesty IS always the best policy, BUT kindness is Godly. Too many times I have said what I thought to my husband, because, of course I was just being honest. I could see the look of hurt on his face. These wounds go deep and stay long. Men need encouragement!! I’m convinced there is nothing more important to them, than knowing that they are appreciated.
I know, no one says thanks to you for fixing dinner, raising wonderful children, looking like a beauty queen….but what if they did?
I have failed many times to be the encouraging wife my husband needs. It is God’s grace and my husband’s Godly tolerance that we are celebrating our 25th anniversary next month. It breaks my heart to think of the times I have broken his.
You’ve got to just let some things go. Pray, pray, pray. You CAN’T do it on your own.
Melana in Wyoming
Best Advice Given To Me:
1. Don’t make a joke at your hubby’s expense in front of others.
2. Treat him as your best friend — who is in for a visit.
Best Counsel From Me So Far:
1. Learn to cook a chicken dish that doesn’t involve a cream of “something” soup. LOL! (I believe I saved a marraige with that one.)
My former Pastor’s wife gave me this bit of advice when I was a newly wed and I’ve passed it on to my daughters-in-law. Never complain about your husband to your friends. Long after you have patched things up and forgotten the whole business, your friends will still bear the burden of that information.
I hope you won’t think this too bold of me, but I have given you a little award at my blog. It was given to me and I have passed it on to a few others – just because you really do speak Jesus to me.
A very special (older) lady in my life once told me and I’ve never forgotten it. Her husband of over 50 years got sick and died. I told her like Amanda I was picking at my husband and she told me ” How would you feel if you looked up and your husband was no longer there?” Like how she feels with her best friend gone. Now when I feel snippity I think about what she told me and I change my attitude.
Blessings sarah
here is my own advice…
When I first got married I read every marriage book under the sun. While that is great and there is wisdom to be had…the people who normally write them have been married a long time and you can get wisdom from them…but you aren’t going to have a perfect marriage the first year and so on. I would drive myself crazy trying to do and be and the Lord really wanted my focus to be on Him and not so much what I thought my marriage should look like. I began to be enslaved by bars that were too high for me to reach. The Lord wanted me to be still and know. No marriage is the same and God can use even major dis appointment with marriage for us to also see that He is our groom.
Again I am not saying no one should read the books but you should tread lightly on trying to be the perfect wife and trying to fit your husband into someone else’s mold. It was so frustrating. When I stick mainly to the Word He changes me even if nothing else changes in my marriage.
I am so blessed to have had several Titus women in my life (I am 41).
Some of the best advice I got from one was to find the right time to bring up sensitive issues with your husband. Don’t think on something negative all day long, get stirred up about it, and blow up at your husband the minute he walks in the door. Find the right time, and be in the right mood to deal with issues.
Also, think of the good things about your husband that blesses you. And let him know what you appreciate about him.
back to nana’s comment from Heather…my grandmother actually gave me the advice to “try everything” with my man before hand. I was mortified and was like oh thank you wise one for that bad counsel. LOL
This is somethiong very dear to my heart. I am always gleaning “Titus tidbits” from the ladies I know who have gone before me. Since I work with kids, I family-watch and parent-watch and always ask questions of those I respect. One of my favorite bits of wisdom came from a Mom of four when I was agonizing over the “girl/friendship drama” with my daughters. She told me that the things I want so desperately to protect my children from are the very things that will make them stronger people and will grow their character. Ouch!
Also, just an idea to pass on..a friend of mind and I hosted a “Heart to Heart” chat in my backyard this past summer. We invited four women we highly respect (and in four different decades of life) to come and share their wisdom with us. Each lady spoke for 15 minutes. We invited our friends and told them to pass it on and ended up with over 70 ladies, even on a night that was pouring down rain and we had to move inside my living room. We packed everybody in and even had people sitting on my stairs!! It just showed how much of a need there is for this type of ministry and how desperate women are to hear from those who have gone before!!
I’ll have to think about the advice part. But, I will say, the post Beth wrote about her twenty-ninth anniversary really helped me. Just reminding me, in some very simple ways, to love on my man. Sometimes, the advice is just really simple and little things that can be done…its just the living it out part can be easy to forget…especially in the moment!!
Being raised in church from the day of my birth, it was a little hard for me when my new husband didn’t share my passion for attending church. While burdening my Bible study leader with a little whining….she gently reminded me of a nursery rhyme from my childhood…she said “Hun, just leave him alone and he’ll come home, wagging his tail behind him.” I still laugh till this day when I remember that story and yes, it worked!
While growing up, my dear Mom, once gave me advice about how to deal with “rude” people. We all know one or two or possible three people that can be rude on a daily basis (and may not be aware of it… or simply don’t have any JOY in their life.) Well, my Mom told me to “kill them with kindness”. So, as a Christian, I have been putting it into practice. Wow! You will be amazed in how quickly a frown can be turned upside down!
Once, my son was having to see a Ear/Nose/Throat doctor to have his tonsils removed. The receptionist was not always…what should I say… receptive of people!? Anyway, she would basically bark, “What can I do for ya?” I must admit that I was defensive at first, but then I promised that I would “kill her with kindness” on our last visit. So, for our post-surgery appointment, she gave her usual bark, and I replied with,”I sure do love your blouse!” (It truly was pretty). I couldn’t believe how quickly she had a 5 second face lift! She looked so beautiful with her smile! In my heart, I hope that I, with Christ, a planted a seed that day!
when whining to my Godly momma about my MIL, she reminded me that my MIL did raise the man I love and she deserves my respect and admiration for that.
she also told me that whenever possible (illness aside of course)to always fulfill my husbands intimate needs. he is much more open to talking, sharing and romance once his needs are met.
lastly, my hubs and I learned early on in marriage that it is hard to argue naked. : )
Just this summner my sweet niece shared with me a Titus Trainee moment that I didnt even know I was having! She and her cousin (my other niece), were planning the baptism of their boys and after praying for thier families decided they were there because of “Auntie” who included them (okay dragged them) with their cousins on many trips to vacation bible school, youth camp, and Sunday school. I was so humbled when she said “We could have turned out different, but you influenced us allot” and now we are here with our families to dedicate our childern. WOW I had no idea that in some small way I was a Titus Woman. Thank you for giving me a new name!!! Blessings to ya all from Sacramento, CA!
Don’t take him for granted. Which seems to happen most often when I feel taken for granted myself.
If you need to talk through the bad stuff with someone, make sure you tell them the good stuff, too – especially when it’s about resolutions to the bad stuff. Otherwise your confidante (mom, sister, mentor) may carry a grudge against your man long after you’ve gotten over it.
Let him fix stuff. He knows I just sometimes need to talk it out and don’t need him to fix it. But sometimes he actually has good advice, if I’ll listen.
And the wife of one of my pastors once told me that sometimes you just have to pray that God will love your husband for and through you when you don’t think you can- because HE can and He will.
One of the greatest blessings of my life is the woman I call my own personal Titus 2 friend … most of my Titus 2 revelations have come from pondering things with her … after a time of much struggle with my husband –
I have two pieces of Titus 2 wisdom that has come out of those sessions (I even got to share the same two thoughts with some other homeschool moms while we were up on the mountain with our kids today) …
1)The Lord transformed my heart when I began praying FOR my husband instead of praying ABOUT my husband …
and
2)My obedience to the Lord has nothing whatsoever to do with my husband’s obedience to the Lord … I’m commanded to do some things as a wife that I aren’t negotiable. I don’t get to NOT DO THEM if hubby doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain. That is a hard one to swallow and follow siestas!
It was our first wedding anniversary and I was looking forward to receiving flowers or having him demonstrate his love for me in some romatic way. I don’t know why I expected it he had never really been romantic during our three years of courtship. Well no flowers came and I was so disappointed that I cried like a baby. He did not know what to do. Well the next day he came home from work and told me that my flowers were out on our front porch. I ran down the stairs to find two flats of flowers ready to be planted. He is such a practical man!! His explanation was that they were so pretty and they would last longer!! Although I was not immediately impressed, rather I think I was angry and depressed, I have become an avid gardener and have also come to love the practicality of my husband. We have been married 22 years now. I also know he is sorry he started this practice as my two flats of flowers have become about 20 now!! I guess the Titus Woman Advice is to not expect our beloved husbands to become something they are not (romantic) but to truly appreciate them for what they are!!
I love reading all of the other blogs… you all make me laugh!!
Thanks for the Titus words of wisdom. Lori
I teach young children as well as having two of my own. My favorite advice-and theirs too-is, “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit!” We say it in a sing song voice and they can’t help but say it with you and the mood changes…well…..most times!!!!
Okay here are a few tidbits off the top of my head that I have learned along the way.
1-Praying is better and makes things happen better than nagging anytime! I have seen mountains move in prayer and mountains built higher in nagging.
2-If you are going to make a meal for someone else you should take note of what you are feeding your own family! You should not feed the feast to the other people and then give your own family the scraps! 🙂
3-Marriage relationship is like a dance. Let him lead it is his role and go with it. It can be beautiful or you can step all over his toes making it a big mess.
4-Study your mate. Know them and remember how to love based on 1 Corinthians 13 not on FEELINGS!
5-Only let kind building words come out of your mouth they really do have the power of life and death.
6-Realize the value of your children. They are priceless children of God. Raise them up as the princes and princesses they are!
7-Love, love, love-Grace, grace, grace-Forgive, forgive, forgive.
I am loving reading all this advice!
Also this may be cheesy but I have a blog award for you all at my blog!
Much love,
Angela
When I was engaged to be married, a Titus mentor made this statement to me I’ve never forgotten: “Before you are married, Satan will do everything in his power to get you and your boyfriend INTO the bedroom. Once you are married, he will do everything in his power to keep you both OUT of the bedroom. Choice words of wisdom for both singles and marrieds!
Some advise that I have given and been given.
A friend always tells me, when I worry about what others are thinking that “It is none of your business what others are thinking.” meaning their thoughts are private and they have not made them public to you.
One more we tend to look around and think that we need to do things just like everyone else. Like keeping a cleaner house, having perfectly kept kids, or whatever may come to mind. I have learned that often time the things I tend think I must do to make my husband happy is way off base and gets my focus off what really matters to him. So if you are not sure ask because what maybe important to mine hubby may not be to yours. Now girls there are some things that most husbands would say is important to them that would be the same across the board. Like you know Wink, Wink. I hope this makes sense.
Now I have to confess that I am a little ignorant about the whole Keep the hands moving thing (lol, I am sure an explanation could get a little awkward. At least that much I can figure out.) And I echo the request for more explanation from the Deeper still conference.
Kim B.in Az
OOPS! (I am new at this blogging stuff!) I left off my Titus 2 comment to go with the “killing with kindness”. Along with the outer world, this advice works well with my husband! Especially if I have bought an outfit…and he isn’t happy with me! Okay…it isn’t manipulation,as long as you are being truthful with your kindness!
My younger sister 🙂 has always pointed me so clearly & directly to God. I praise Him for her and the encouragement towards Godliness that she is in my life.
One piece of advice she gave me that really stuck in terms of dealing with difficult people, especially those that I know I love and love me but with whom I frequently seem to find myself in conflict (family, friends, church) is that “Love believes the best”…that if I really love them and believe them to love me, to assume that they are not trying to “poke” at me, but think and act towards them with the benefit of the doubt–to think that they are speaking or acting out of love and kindness, and not to feel like they’re ‘out to get me’ and then to respond in kind.
I hope that made sense…it’s made a world of difference in my relationships with some of the more challenging people and I praise God that I can look on them with His love, instead of my (often falsely) assumed insult.
How thankful I am for a seven-years-younger sister who is an *essential* Titus woman in my life! 🙂
My mama told me when I was getting married 39 years ago that Southern ladies NEVER did the following:
1. Never mow the lawn!
2. Never iron your husband’s shirts
3. Never carve meat (Sunday roast)
4. Never clean fish, ducks, birds, deer … but cooking all of these is a requirement!
Hope this causes you to smile!
Blessings and love to all!
PS: I don’t do any of the above except the cooking part.
Something that’s helped to change my life was something my best friend said to me. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder since I was a teenager. (I’m in my early 20’s). I wasn’t a believer when it first started, I am now, and only in the last two years have I been able to slowly overcome it.
One day my friend (who is the one who led me to the Lord, by the way) looked at me and said “when you are there hugging that toilet- I want you to picture what was sitting there where your face is now pointing!”
She of course had more profound advice, and she’s prayed with me and for me more times than I can count, but every time I’m tempted to do it again- I hear her voice and picture… well, exactly what she was telling me to!
zloyI so wish I had a Titus Woman in my life. My mother has always been an emotional, insecure wreck who would NEVER give out any “Titus” advice. I just read “Get Out of That Pit” again and have come to a firm conclusion that she is the queen of the pit-dwellers and won’t stop until I am securely in that pit with her. It’s a struggle daily. I would love to have the kind of relationship with her that would allow Titus advice, but I’m thinking that’s not gonna happen. I have read every comment on this particular blog (twice) and have many emotions about it. 1. I’m so thankful for the “virtual friendships/advice/counsel/hilarious stories” that I receive on here. 2. I am jealous of many of your Titus relationships. 3. I really gotta find me that Titus Woman and realize the importance of being that type of person for a younger generation. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have an amazing marriage. I have loved growing with him and being the mommy to our 3 girls. I pray that I can have the Amanda/Beth relationship with them. I pray that we don’t turn out like my mom and me. Thank you, Amanda and Beth, for this blog, but for this “Titus Advice” blog especially.
I’ve read a lot of these and whew, I’ve had a LOT of advice…but I thought I’d bring out this point:
Pray for a Titus woman, yes, but don’t expect one person to meet all your needs. You aren’t marrying HER! You can receive Titus 2 instruction from just observing peoples lives, their commitment, their love for family, their love for the word, their perseverance in trial, their praying.
It doesn’t have to be a “soul mate” type Titus sister.
ASK! I have learned so much just by picking up the phone or sitting down during a pot luck and saying, “You know, I’ve really admired you in such-in-such area and I was thinking of working on that next, can you give me some tips, what worked for you, something you learned.”
Generally, when they realize you are “teachable”, they will ask you about it, and are free to offer other tips that may be useful to you in life as well.
Campus Crusade for Christ teaches that a disciple is FAT: Faithful, Available, and Teachable.
So few young women prove to be true disciples that one arrives, most are thrilled to spent time volunteering with them, working in the church kitchen, or teaching VBS with them. When you are willing to work, you learn things from others that help you.
Hope this helps someone.
And, a note to “Lonely”, please don’t wait until you are married to start working on Titus 2relationships! You have much more time for it prior to that time!