Hey, You Darling Siestas! (*Precious Ones, comments now closed on this entry because the number got so great that I would have more than I could read. I am profoundly moved and prayerful over what has been shared and will write back to you soon about it. You have given me tremendous insight and I pray the gracious and powerful ministry of Christ Jesus all over you. I have been where many of you are. Our God reigns, Dear Sisters! Do not lose heart because you cannot lose Jesus. This is what He came for. Isaiah 61:1-4)
Before I tell you what this post is about, I want to tell you something that tendered my heart then brag on you and encourage you. I so enjoyed the Titus post and all your comments! AJ and I had talked about what a fun post it could be and it was! She and I, like many of you, also had a sharp pain go through our hearts that some of our single siestas either felt left out of it or, or worse yet, like losers because of it. When I posted their comments (AJ was on a roadtrip so I moderated many of them), I kept a very careful eye on the communication that unfolded. I watched you respond to one another and minister to one another. I saw the Body of Christ at work. I was so thankful.
You know, Siestas, we don’t always know how to say the right thing and sometimes our comments may even seem thoughtless or inconsiderate, but I am convinced that our hearts in this blog community truly are to love one another and encourage each other. We want and need the diversity and have so much to learn from one another. Now, I’m grabbing my megaphone and yelling this part really loudly: WE WANT YOU SINGLE SIESTAS IN THIS COMMUNITY! FIGHT FOR YOUR SPOT! KEEP YOUR COMMENTS COMING! KEEP REMINDING YOUR MARRIED SISTERS THAT YOU ARE THERE! WE ARE THE BETTER FOR YOUR INFLUENCE! WE NEED YOU!
Sometimes the blog posts will be blatantly family-oriented because it’s sponsored by a mother and daughter team. It’s just a way we share the personal side of our lives with you and that’s what makes the blog stream unique to everything else we do here at Living Proof Ministries. This blog is the friend, mom, and sister side of what we could offer, God willing. It’s partially meant to be a big fat celebration of Girl World. Nothing could be more appropriate in a world system so demeaning to women than to rejoice in the dignity Christ won for us. Sometimes we just want to make you laugh because we love to laugh. Other times we want to share with you what made us cry. Blatantly above all and through all, however, our highest and hottest passion is to encourage fellow sojourners of all kinds to live fully and freely the life Jesus Christ offers…and to offer a little practical help with implementing His explosive power. We love you so much and we’re so honored to be your servant. Your friend. Your sister. Your mom. Even your Mama Beth. Don’t mind a bit. As my grandmother used to say, I could mother a fence post. Love it.
NOW, on to what I’m requesting from some of you. Your input was priceless to me in the Esther series and I’m betting you could really lend some insight now. As you know, I am now working on revising the series “Breaking Free” and will be attending to it for months to come. Here are my two questions and I’d like those who feel compelled to respond to answer them ANONYMOUSLY and by including the numbers “1)” and “2)” so they’ll be easier for me to read (you don’t need to include the questions):
Please note: ALL COMMENTS NEED TO BE ANONYMOUS THIS TIME IF THEY’RE IN RESPONSE TO THESE QUESTIONS. PLEASE DO NOT ATTACH YOUR BLOGGER NAME OR PERSONAL NAME. PLEASE ALSO KEEP IN MIND THAT YOUR WILLINGNESS TO COMMENT IS ALSO YOUR PERMISSION FOR ME TO QUOTE FROM IT IF IT MIGHT BE HELPFUL IN THE STUDY. KEEPING THEM ANONYMOUS IS CRUCIAL TO THAT FREEDOM. PLEASE KEEP YOUR ANSWERS SUCCINCT. NO LONGER THAN TWO EASY TO READ BRIEF PARAGRAPHS SO THAT I CAN READ THEM. THANK YOU!
1) What one thing threatens you most with bondage? Try to be specific. If your answer is intimate in nature, then use code language. I’ll get what you’re trying to say.
2) What is your biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ? (Please don’t give the answer you think you’re supposed to give. Really share what you think holds you back.)
Thank you for your help, Siestas! Please don’t feel like you have to comment. Only comment if you really have something to share about bondage and your biggest obstacle to freedom. You’ll know if it’s not that big a deal to you or you really have to think about it that you’ll want to leave the room to another Siesta this time. I AM CRAZY ABOUT EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!
PS. No time to proofread this time! Sorry for inevitable mistakes!
1. Materialism. I want it all and will do whatever it takes to get it all. Even if that means living in deep debt.
2. Feeling like who I am is actually what others see on the outside. I am very insecure about myself and feel that the only way people will like me is if I have it all on the outside.
1) Fear. It constantly threatens to control my mind.
2) Selfishness. What will I have to do if I truly surrender? What if I don’t want to do it? What if I can’t make myself do it? Then I will have failed. And it feels like failing is worse than not knowing what could possibly be if I surrendered. This thinking makes me complacent and lukewarm instead of free and full in Christ.
1)i’ve been blind sided several times. didn’t see that coming BAM! you’re left there with your jaw to the floor. yaaa…can’t say i want another BAM… oooh is that fear?!
2)no brainer here…”myself” i have to recite and believe Phil 1:21. His ways are perfect and if i die to myself i am able to see that or i am able to be still and know He is God.
1. My fear of being wrong/perfectionism. This leads me to secretiveness and thinking I can handle things on my own.
2. Truly believing what I say I believe. I don’t know that I always believe God will come through on his promises. I feel guilty praying because I don’t necessarily believe He will answer or care.
1) There are so many, but you asked for one, so I was thinking – what is the one that is standing between me and my Father? Food, and taking the issue of food and food addiction seriously. God has been dealing with me about that for – wait for it! – 30 years at least, and I’m still with my fingers in my ears going, “La-la-laa, can’t hear Youuu.” Ouch.
2) Self-absorption and self-adoration. I’m really not kidding, sad to say. I was my older parents only child, and they unfortunately confused me with the Hope diamond. The good news is that it’s easy for me to believe I’m loved; the bad news is that it’s easy for me to believe that what I want is what God wants, deep down, if He’d just admit it.
I am so grateful for Beth’s voice in my head, saying that God had said to her, “I AM NOT KIDDING HERE. You can either bend your knee to Me, or (sweetly), I can break your legs.”
1. I feel like I fail at everything. I really struggle to see myself as God sees me. I can put myself done faster than you could say go. I get encouragement from my hubby all the time just can’t seem to get it.
2. Believing God, taking Him at his word, trusting God and pride. I mean why would God love me. I know what his word says in my head I just can’t seem to get it to my heart. I really want to get it, I really want to see myself as God sees me. My husband really is great at points me in the right direction . I guess ungratefulness on my part would fall in there as well.
1. Fear that I am not being the best I can be for God. Always self-doubting, questioning my role in this world…for my family, my job, for friends.
2.Not being able to accept and believe that I’m truly the apple of God’s eye. Allowing Satan’s destructive thoughts to create self-doubt, worry, anxiety, and at one point in my life…even thoughts of suicide.
Thankfully, through immense prayer,2 studies of BF and 2 studies of Believing God, those suicidal thoughts are gone, but I’m still working on the anxiety, worry, and inadequacy. Work in progress!
1. Absolutely my weight. It is like a huge cocoon that protects me from ever being hurt again, and holds in all the hurts from my past (sexual, physical, verbal, emotional abuses). Also this perfect future that I dream of. If only I were thin, I would be so much more happy. I would have a closer relationship with God, my husband and I would be more in love, my children would behave better, etc.
2. Fear and perfectionism. Fear that I won’t be successful. Every step I take toward freedom has to be perfect, or I turn around and run back to my cocoon. Jesus help me, I want to be free!!!
1) In this season the biggest threat and battle for me is having mine & my family’s character attacked. LOTS of familial turmoil. It is hard to walk in the Spirit and not get in the flesh with family members who don’t particulary see your regeneration/heart fully.
2) My biggest obstacle is my MOUTH and the need to counter personal attacks. Even when you know it’s the world acting like the world. Please Pray for the salvation of my brother-in-laws.
2) Pride/self-centeredness with out a doubt. The way this looks specifically in my life can change depending on the season of my life, but it always seems to be lurking. Everyday I have to put myself in check by abandoning myself to Jesus. I could tell you some specifics but they really change a lot. It’s a battle to truly live Christ-Centered!
Sitting at my computer this Saturday morning, when I read the questions I just busted out crying!
1. Fear – very rarely do I let people see/know the “real” me. I’ve been hurt too many times – I don’t “fit” in anywhere so I come across very in control and self-confident. Not being able to have a child still hurts at age 60 – another reason that I don’t “fit” in. Everyone wants to know how many children/grandchildren you have and give that “look” when you say you don’t have any!
2. I so love the Lord and try to stay active in Bible studies but I still feel so unworthy and shallow.
I’ve been a Christian for many years, I should have a deeper relationship. What is wrong with me?
It is so spiritually therapeutic to know that everyone struggles and that we all can relate to one another in this way. Even this step is kind of freeing…
On the other hand, this concept also frustrates me because this is an online forum. We can’t sit face-to-face and give hugs and pray with one another. And after reading all of this that is precisely what I wish I could do. But I’m here, and you’re there.
I just feel like I’m in a weird place in life right now. We attend a fairly large church with many couples our age (although most have kids and we do not) and yet we have not found anybody who is willing to be THIS transparent, and although I’m not looking for a pity party session, I know that true fellowship can only happen when we open up like this so we can specifically bear one another’s burdens. But so far I’ve only found this online. And I love that…but don’t we need this also with those in our own neighborhoods and churches?
I tend to share myself more openly through written word, and it seems everyone else here do as well. But why is it so difficult to be real with others in person? I crave that so much. This is the only real “girl time” I have in my life, and while God has used you all tremendously, I also wonder if He wants me us to truly “live where I’m at” and also cultivate these relationships with those in my little corners of the world. But why is that so hard to find? Even just one person who is on the same page. I know they are out there. You all proved that.
Is anybody else lacking this? Is this also a huge reason why we’re still in bondage…because we are hiding our hearts from those who could be walking alongside us and with whom we could mutually encourage? Anyone resonate here? Anyone else feel alone in this?
1)I have allowed roadblocks to halt my spiritual growth in Christ. I think satan uses simple, foolish habits and addictions to take our minds off of other, more crucial issues. Wine has been a roadblock for me. I don’t really think drinking an occational glass of wine is sinful, but I had gotten to the place that I was pouring a glass to relieve my stress, rather than go to the arms of my loving Father and casting my cares on Him. But the point is, I couldn’t get past the wine. The whole time I was doing the Breaking Free study, drinking wine was in the forefront of what I wanted to break free from, but I continued to do it, make deals with myself, give myself boundries and rationalize. I knew God wanted to deal with several other areas in my life, but couldn’t hear him because of the roadblock. I have since stopped drinking wine for a time of fasting and am feeling such blessing. I may never pour another glass again! The benifits of being obedient (I feel this was a personal word to me from the Father) far outweigh the temporary lul I got from wine. He is answering prayers. The guilt is lifted. I have a clear road and feel that God is really taking me somewhere! I guess the Lord deals with one area of our lives to get to the next one, but praise Him that He has allowed me, through obedience to something He personally called me to do, to break through the roadblock and enjoy a journey of freedom and fresh revelation and instruction from the Holy Spirit. I am not sacrificing anything, I am obeying.
2) Not obeying what He has personally asked me to do, either through His word or through a conviction in my heart through His Holy Spirit.
1. Anxiety, Fear, Worry (gosh you name it… I fear it.. worry about it) People Pleasing…
**next part long (sorry) please read I would love to hear your heart on this…**
2. ” Legalistic Christians” “The Church”… feel as if I have been burned by “supposed evangelicals” in my life… grew up Episcopal and I loved God and prayed… but I remember in High School a group of High Schoolers told me I wasn’t “saved”… broke my heart b/c I loved God… about 12 years later…I went through a similar time like you talk about going through (thought I was losing my mind… panic and anxiety…) God used this time to so bring me to Him… (so thankful) couldn’t get enough of Him immersed myself in Bible Studies…I think 5! Fell in Love with Jesus… but was so saddened when I went to these studies and girls would say “where do you go to church?”… when I told them… you could tell they were like Oh (like I wasn’t a true Christian)… I did change denominations… but now I feel as if these “Evangelical Churches” focus so much on “sin management” and not just falling in love with Jesus, judging others (I guess I am judging them too) Pharisees (won’t drink a glass of wine in public, but will in private)… (won’t sleep with their boyfriend, but do everything but…)… (as long as I keep these rules then… on and on… but where are our hearts in all this (isn’t that what matters!) when I start worrying about all these does and don’ts… I take my eyes off Him… I just want everyone to be real… authentic… transparent… none of us have it together girls… we need HIM! My heart just breaks for Homosexuals… can you imagine their struggle… how hard that would be… how shunned they are… if they sat in my church for a second they would run for their life away from Jesus…I think how hard it is for me to break free from my fear and anxiety… That is why I love your ministry so much Beth… you are the REAL DEAL! (gosh sorry for the length… think I need to Break free or What?!?) such a wound… such bondage… I want to run to His commands because He set my Heart Free! (not b/c it is what you are “supposed” to do!)
1) biggest thing that keeps me in bondage is the desire to have a perfect marriage. my hubby and i have been married for 6+ year but have endured a lot. at one point, he kissed my best friend about 2.5 years into our marriage. i forgave both of them and moved on, and it was dealt with quietly in our church (we were/are key leaders), but i still feel like secretly our church elders don’t think we have a good marriage. but we do. really good. except for one thing, our intimacy. i have a past history of abuse and this is my biggest area of weakness. i know we need to work on it, but i worry about bringing it up b/c i don’t want people to think we have a bad marriage because of the other stuff. i know its in my head and i need to deal with it and get help, but that’s my constant struggle.
2) obstacle for me is moving past people pleasing! i need to stop worrying about what others think and start living for God alone!
thanks for giving us a chance to share. i need to do breaking free again, i can tell already! thanks beth! i love your family and ministry, you are a blessing!
1. feelings of rejection especially from my father which leads me to seek approval from men. I am happily married but still will look to see if men are noticing me. In my mind the enemey makes me think this is innocent but I know it is absolutely a pit.
2. Insecurity (battle of pride) along with fear that I don’t deserve all that God has blessed me with and I will lose it all. Or anger at God that I feel like I have always struggled for everything I have. Nothing has ever come easy. Financially, etc. Never can get ahead and if God loves me why won’t He fix this stuff. Then back to guilt b/c I am so in love with my life and so blessed with a wonderful hubby an amazing son and one peanut on the way. How could I not be so grateful? Then back to guilt for questioning God. Ugh.
1. Fear….fear of something happening to one of my children…fear of something/someone destroying my marriage…fear of disease…and on and on
2. Feelings of guilt…some are true guilt but a lot of it is false guilt…just feeling like I could not possibly be affirmed by God because of sin and not living the life He wants me to live. The more guilty I feel, the less I go to Him and then the more guilty I feel and so on.
Keep fighting, Siestas.
Fight for your relationshsip with God. Fight for strong ties with your famiy. (Try not to fight with them!) Fight for your sanity and self-control. The best weapon? His Word.
You probably won’t see the answers as soon as you want…but God is always there with you.
I’m almost 50 now, and I recognize many of these strongholds and obstacles. He has helped me walk out of many of them. Praise God that He allows us to learn to walk and run in small, stumbling steps…just like a child.
And when you fall…get up. Reach for His hand. It is ALWAYS there.
1. Fear of everything; that there won’t be enough money, that a job won’t last, that my husband or one of my childre will be hurt or die…
2. An inability to trust Him completely.
1. My worst fear is that my husband would know my evil, sinful thoughts. I love him dearly.
2. Being 100 pounds overweight is my biggest obstacle to living free and fully in Christ. I have not one minute of peace about this ever. I will lose alot of weight and then sabotage myself every time and gain the weight back. I have no clue why I do this over and over again. What could I do for Christ if my mind was free of all this garbage. Who will free me from this body of death?
1. when life is hard I overspend on books,magazines and cd’s when I don’t have the money.
I also will eat tons of sugar to make me feel better.
2.My biggest obstacle is feeling empty and nothing feels me up.
1. My biggest area of bondage is this vicious cycle in my head of “you need to exercise and eat better”…”I know, but I hate it”.. “but you need to because your body is a temple”.. “but I still hate it and I would rather be…” and guess what never gets done.
2. I tried to post something yesterday for this one, but it didn’t show up and this morning I realized why. Yesterday I put that being married to a nonbeliever is what keeps me from living freely and fully in Christ. Well, this morning God spoke to me in my quiet time and it is actually my fear. Fear of what my husband might do.. would he still love me like he does? (and he is a wonderful husband.) Would he stay with me? He thinks I’m “religious” enough now, so this is where my fear comes from. I keep praying for the pinpoint of light to shine on my husband! I do love him. Thank You, God, for Your message to me this morning!
Beth- First time blogger,long time siesta. I love your bible studies, God has used them greatly in my life. Just beginning A Woman’s Heart, God’s Dwelling Place.
1)Perfectionism linked with identity. This bondage has been pervasive though hidden but touching all areas, woman, wife and mother. God is bringing the light to the darkness and I am on board for the journey. Who we are in Christ as a mother, wife and woman is crucial to freedom from this. God has given many scriptures to who I am in Christ…my favorite I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. Rev.12:11. He is also beginning to speak to me specifically about how He made me to be, who I am through his eyes not the world, my parents, friends. In doing your study, God shared that to learn another part of my identity was to learn what His rooms are in my heart.
2)The hiddenness of this concept, and the lies that I have bought along the way from childhood to adulthood about who I am, good news is these are breaking and truth is coming everyday I choose to believe God, that I am who He says I am.
I am 29 years old, single, and near the end of my second trip through Breaking Free.
1. The primary area of bondage in my life has been sexual sin, beginning with internet erotic literature and progressing to plain old pornography. I lived in some form of bondage to lust from the time I was 12 years old and first discovered self-gratification. Because I often felt like I never stood a chance of being free, I often looked at myself as a helpless victim.
2. About a year ago I was praying about the idea of freedom, even saying, “God, set me free!” and the answer was so simple. “I did.” In my head, I pictured myself sitting in a rudimentary jail cell, bars open, chains broken, but I was trying desperately to fasten them back onto myself. I understood bondage; I couldn’t conceive of freedom. Since that time, I’ve been asking the Lord to teach me how to walk in the freedom He’s already provided. It’s been a journey I never expected, and I am thrilled to say freedom is becoming a greater reality to me every single day. The biggest barriers to my freedom were unbelief and prayerlessness.
1) My past and what I know has happened to me with sexual abuse. I am happily married and have two great kids, but no one knows except me, the guilty one and my Heavenly Father. I was young and it is almost like it really did not happen, but I know it did and the enemy would love to make me feel guilty. I struggle every day with the attack and the temptation to hold back from my husband. But, God is helping me work through this even after thirty years!
2)The past
1.) On “bad” days I go back to a root of rejection from my mother as a child–I start to anticipate rejection from others, look for it, and sometimes even create it. Recalling very poor choices made from this viewpoint do two things. Sometimes, it makes me dwell on the negative, and the pain. At other times, it motivates me to push beyond the pain and feel God’s loving embrace.
2.) My mind is the biggest obstacle I face in living freely in Christ. I know that I must renew my mind daily in His word and in prayer–just being in His glorious presence. Sometimes the negative thoughts are hard to overcome. It is spiritual warfare. Having the encouragement of loving friends with whom I can be both totally honest and honestly encouraged by is a gift from God.
1. Living in the moment and distraction with worldy things. Watch tv now…clean house later. Play on computer…read the bible later. And on it goes. Unfortunately later never comes.
2. Inability to put aside Self and live for God. I place more importance on myself…my wants and desires. I put myself above God, my husband and my child.
1) A childhood filled with violence against my mother by my dad. A childhood filled with the impacts of that and the resulting mental illness my mother developed due to all the beatings and my dads eventual abandoning the family. It set a tape in my head that no one can be trusted and I will never be loved.
2) Satan tells me that I must put on the mask so no one will know. Pride holds me that it is no ones business that pain can be so deep. Fear tells me that my husband will be like my dad – hurt me and leave me. It’s that tape in my head that plays until I shut it down with scripture.
1. Feeling like I have to be perfect at everything I do, how I look, and how I act for me to feel truly accepted and loved.
2. Letting myself be vulnerable and living without the mask….
1) Money
2) Money
It would have to be the same for both becaue we depend on money to survivie in this world and lack of sufficent money leaves us in bondage and leads us to stay there.
Money is the biggest obstacle to overcome bondage. We think if I just had enough money I could stop this, I wouldn’t have to do this…I would be able to break free.
Hi Beth,
I have been reading the Siestaville blog for over a year (and consider myself to be one of you) but have never commented. As I prayerfully pondered your questions, I feel I am led to comment. I also want to tell you that God has used the Bible studies He has given you to begin my journey down the Freedom Road. I have been delivered from much bondage — HALLELUJAH! And so the journey continues… here are my answers:
1) Believing the lies of the enemy. I am learning much about the battlefield of the mind. God has shown me that this is where all bondage begins and begins to end. It seems all my bondage to various addictions (now free from all but food!), what others think, selfishness, pride, control, etc. has its basis in lies. Sometimes they are lies I have believed since I was young and was not even aware it was a lie. The enemy makes sure all evidence makes it seem true to me. As I seek to know my Lord’s heart, he exposes the lies as I am able to deal with them, trusting Him more and more to do all He says. I love that He is so gentle and patient with me.
2. Unbelief — not believing God. Just early this morning (4 am) as I was praying about this question, the Lord once again reminded me that freedom lies in surrendering control (I don’t really have it anyway!) and believing what He says about Himself, about me as His child, and about life in this world no matter what the circumstances or others say. In turn, such belief results in obedience. He has already given us everything we need to walk free and live a life of godliness. Why then, do we not take hold of it? Unbelief — I believe all obstacles to freedom have their root in unbelief. We doubt…even if it’s just a little it gets a foothold and can grow from there into bondage if we fail to stand firm in truth. We believe the lies of the enemy that tell us we can’t be different when He says we are new creatures; we think we’ll never be really free when He says He will complete the work He began; we feel rejected and alone but He says over and over that He loves us with an everlasting love and He will never leave or forsake us; we are afraid, yet He tells us perfect love casts out all fear. I believe God’s Word has a response to every single area of bondage … and that at the root of it is believing satan’s infecting, debilitating, life-sucking lies. Wholly believing God brings light, cleansing, healing, life, freedom. My continuing prayer is that I will become a woman of the Word and that all of us, who are stumbling toward heaven, “…being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Amen.
1. Self-doubt, self-loathing, shame, bitterness and feeling like a hypocrite. How’s that for a laundry lists of unwanted baggage?? I was raised in a humanistic, atheistic home, and was taught that “…you’re on your own in this world kiddo…” and it’s hard to shake those doubts. My dad was indifferent to his family – I don’t think he ever really wanted kids, he had lots of them before he knew it. He basically emotionally disengaged frrom his family when I was a young child, and my parents finally divorced when I was 14. I sought male attention everywhere – I was desperate for someone to love anf affirm me, and as you can imagine, that’s a recipe for disaster. I was molested, basically raped by my then boyfriend, and was pregnant at 15, but had a miscarriage. My parents never knew what I was doing or going through; I thought my Dad wouldn’t care and my Mom just wouldn’t have believed me. The shame from all this was just too much. I became a Christian at 24, and the healing has been a long, slow, gradual process. I don’t talk about my past much with people. I blamed my Dad for all of this for years, and it is only in the past few years that I have been able to truly forgive him. The bondage of self-doubt, self-loathing, shame, and bitterness beckons me – not daily like it used to, but every now and then.
2. Fear of people seeing that I don’t have it all together, and I think that’s selfishness; if there is to be ANY good that comes out of my past, it will be in helping others, and yet I am reluctant to reveal my past.
Beth – I remember when you spoke on Life TOday about the story you read of the momma dog and her puppies – from Gilda Radner’s book. That meant so much to me; I was struggling so hard to get free of my bitterness and unforgiveness, adn that story was such a motivation for me.
Love you
1) I would say the coping skill I learned while secretly dealing with being raped at 16 years of age. I had boyfriend during those months and I was on a downhill spiral – one day I confessed to him that I wanted to die without telling him the reason why. The next day he left me. I learned that I couldn’t share the real me with anyone – not even people who were supposed to protect me. I could put on any mask I wanted – a chameleon. Tough and invincible in the bar, tender and sweet with the kids, until I met my man – but still I find myself living in the dark deception of hiding without even meaning to. It is a daily battle for me to stay in the light after nearly ten years of being lost to hiding in my life because the enemy wants me to believe that I will not be acceptable as I am. NOTE: Today, I find myself walking out of the chains. It started when I recognized the lie that I believed and God gave me Ephesians 1 – that I am truly accepted and acceptable in the Beloved. I am the righteousness of Christ and He came to set me free.
2) What is your biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ? (Please don’t give the answer you think you’re supposed to give. Really share what you think holds you back.)
Oh Beth, past failure looms large. The labels that enemy throws out there that I am supposed to wear like badges of dishonor. He replays the words of my mother when I was young, “She is my problem child.” He replays the words of my children cast in anger when they didn’t get their way, “You are a mean and bad mother.” He replays the words, “Place your hands behind your back, you are under arrest.” He replays the words, “You’ll never change.” He plays all the tapes that others have given to me because of choices I have made, and he has even tapped into a few of the things I tell myself. Shame and guilt are garments and chains. I put them on even when God says they no longer belong to me. Beth, two nights ago I had a life changing experience. I went to a speaking event where the woman who spoke talked about this very thing. She had us representationally take off the garments we were wearing that weren’t us, because we are not what we do – we are who we are in Christ – Before the service during worship, I sang, “Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out, bring me to my knees Lord I lay me down…” (Hillsong, Robin Mark) I went to the floor and representationally tore my garment at the chest – I cried out to God in worship and said “My heart is bare Lord before You, I surrender and confess to you that I fall into old patterns and ways all most daily. I pour all of me out before You tonight, just the way You have poured all of You out for me so I did not have to live in bondage anymore. Fall on me tonight, I surrender God. I surrender and I am humbled by Your grace…” By the end of the night I felt lighter and freer than I ever had in my life. I am deeply digging into His Word discovering freedom in new and magnificent ways. A woman told me that night that I was headed in a new direction and I claimed it – she said, “Hind’s feet will be on high places…” Oh glory… I know God’s voice has the power to change everything! I just have to humble myself, submit and let Him work sanctification in me.
I am sorry to go on so long… but few words could not encompass all that God is doing. I so long to be more like Him and to be completely free.
Love you.
1. Sometimes I feel that there is something holding me back from showing my love to others. Somedays I can feel God’s love in my heart and I want to share it with a friend so I just go up and give them a hug. But I end up feeling guilty later because I’m wondering if they think I’m needy. I’m not that! Just have an over abundance of God’s love to share!
2.I would have to say that I let “doubts” hold me back. I know to trust God fully. He is in control of everything but I sometimes forget that if I’m in a difficult or stressful situation.
1) right now, as a mid 20’s single, its the desire to be so badly married that i pursue guys and stay attached to them long after theyve made it perfectly clear they dont want me bc i want a relationship so badly. it becomes a very obsessive addictive thing.
2) probably not fully realizing that the Lord wants that for me, and that it is possible!! and the fears of:
-change
-growth
-and me not getting what i think i want and need
1. I honestly think the thing that has the strongest hold on me is pleasures of the flesh. I’m talking ALL of the pleasures of the flesh. I am a healthcare worker, but love to smoke. I am debt-free, but LOVE to spend money like it grows on trees. The scariest bondage though, is physical pleasure. I’m single, but have recently been engaged in an illicit relationship with a man. There’s no love there, not even any feelings of attachment, it is only for satisfaction. I feel so imprisoned by my lustful nature that sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel and just giving over completely to that side. But the more I want to give up, the harder I fight not to. And I know God will win eventually. Oh, there’s so much more I could write about it, but I don’t want to take up too much space. Just real quick, remember the Jacob wrestling with God lesson from The Patriarchs (video session 6?)? That’s me. To. A. TEE!
2. The biggest obstacle to me living freely in Christ is myself. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I’m often too lazy to fight for it. I know I’m missing out on so many blessings, but I’m just too lazy to work harder to live in Christ. It’s what I want though, more than anything in the world.
Beth,
You may want to post this or not. But our dear sister who posted she feels bondage in being solely responsible for family finances and wishes her husband would develop the passion for the Lord that she has… Oh sweet friend, Two things… 1.) I too am solely responsible for our finances and I have no one who holds me accountable when I spend. I have all but demanded my husband take it from me when I blow it big, but guess what – he never does. I belive he is no more disciplined at it than I am and he is quite happy to leave me holding the bag because it protects him from a sense of failure. My constantly demanding he take it from me is selfish and controlling – I want him to be responsible for the failure I feel because I will not surrender and change what I do. I have come to a place in the last 25 days where God has revealed to me through an accountability partner and my own time with Him that my husband is responsible to Him and not so much to me. It is up to my husband to take up what God has given him to do and my demanding and controlling everything by overspending when I feel out of control to demanding he take it when I am living in the consequences of that reality is self defeating. I am grumbling and complaining and quite frankly that lacks maturity. So… what do I do… I trust God, hope in God, surrender to His principles and hold myself accountable to Him. I do this even if my husband never changes. I also tell my husband I release him from my expectations. Why? 1.) because I have been Lording them over him and pushing him away from God, and 2.) God’s so busy dealing with my interfering that He cannot get through my husband because I am standing between my husband and God trying to be the Holy Spirit.
So… To conclude this story. A few weeks ago we attended a service where my husband prayed in a group to grow closer to God and to be in His Word daily. The very next morning his company truck was broken into and $15,000 worth of equipment was stolen from his truck. My husband had to handle the entire situation himself, because it was his work truck. He called the police filed the report, contacted them about picking the report up and returning it to his work. I on the other hand helped him calm down after the firt realization that the truck had been broken into, helped him decide what to do first – contact his supervisor or the police. I made him some coffee and went into our bedroom, closed the door and began to pray for salvation and conviction in the lives of the people who had robbed him, I prayed for him not to wear shame or guild for he did nothing wrong and I prayed for him to have favor with the police and his company in the situation… Every moment of it made him stronger until he got home from work that day. We were supposed to attend the conference again that night, I went and he did not because his neck hurt. On the way home I asked God to give me insight about what was keeping my husband from keeping his committment to draw nearer. God showed me a picture: “A man opening the door of his home to a person and inviting them in, and that person at the door is there to take him hostage, to destroy his family and steal all that is his.” I had chills. I told God, “I am not telling my husband that.” Once I was home, I kept seeing that picture as I did the dishes, and my husband was in the recliner defeated and sullen.
I argued with God in my head for a good 30 minutes about the vision I saw. I did not want to tell my husband he was opening the door to the enemy. I finally heard God say (not audibly, but in my spirit), “Ask him if you can tell him about it.” So I did.
My husband listened to every word. I release him from my expectations and told him that I believed we were doomed to fail no matter what happens because of this fact and that I cannot change it only he can. I told him I had only to work on myself. I also shared with him the two Scriptures that say the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy and Beth’s analogy of Peter’s description of Satan as a roaring lion. I told him God required me to release him fully from what I desire for him and allow God to work His own will in my husband’s life. I told him I could only do my part which was to pray.
The next night at dinner – my husband asked, “So where would you begin reading the Bible if you never read it before -” I almost leapt for joy, but I tried to exercise restraint as I said, “John… read John then Acts and then John and Acts again…. John shares the most personal account of Christ and Acts shows you the truest identity of the church and its start.”
I got him a NCV Bible and encouraged him to read it because it was easier to read in style and wording. Praise the Lord He just finished Chapter 15… he doesn’t read it everyday, but most every day reads a chapter a day – sometimes two. God is so good.
God wants us to hope in Him, to trust in Him no matter what happens in our marriages, our finances and circumstances… and know that He will act even if we cannot see evidence. Okay… as for the finances, I don’t want to change, but I am realizing I have to or it will always be an area of defeat in my life. So… I am seeking change in how I handle our money. It is all I know to do.
God is good and His mercy endures forever.
As for the Siestas who are single… please, please stay – fight for your place just like Beth said. I was once a single mom and very broken – I needed this sort of encouragement in my life. God is a God of redemption and He will redeem your difficulty and the rejection you feel… The enemy wants you to wear rejection and discontent in your circumstances – he wants you to feel defeated… God is bigger than all of that… ask Him to show you how He sees you when you feel that way. You are precious to Him and us. We love you.
Blessings.
O God, early in the morning I cry to you…
Help me to pray.
And to concentrate my thoughts on you:
I cannot do this alone.
In me there is darkness,
But with you there is light;
I am lonely, but you do not leave me;
I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;
I am restless, but with you there is peace.
In me there is a bitterness, but with you there is patience;
I do not understand your ways,
But you know the way for me.
Restore me to liberty,
Enable me so to live now
That I may answer before you and before me.
Lord, whatever this day may bring,
Your name be praised.
— a saint’s prayer for freedom.
1.) overindulgence in food and being overweight
2.) Fears
1. Exhaustion
2. Not feeling truly saved
1.) Pride – I am constantly held back by my desire to please others..and I’m not talking about my husband or my family. Years ago we married young and I went to work to help support us while my husband finished college and through hard work became successful in the work place and worked my way up the ladder. It felt good to do good and be rewarded both emotionally and finacially. Because of my pride I have a hard time saying no to anything work related and yet I can justify letting my family down regularly becuase I don’t get enough “praise” for a job well done at home.
2.) Fear – Christ has put such an urgent pressure on my heart to reevaluate and focus on home. My husband and family need me. I play what if scenarios over and over and am so fearful of letting something go I don’t change anything. I hate it and I hate my lack of faith.
I struggle with lack of connection with others; people say how wonderful I am, ha. But it seems they always pick someone else to be their best friend. (I am middle aged now).
I was divorced before I came to a relationship with Christ, have been single well over a decade now. And I fear being alone for the rest of my life, without arms to hold me at night, without all that He designed marriage to be. My parents always treated me like I was a burden, and so did my husband. I did BF before and truly believe I am healed…… but it is not seen in my life.
1. fear. crippling fear and anxiety. overwhelming fear…of everything. i am even afraid of fear! my biggest fears are highways and airplanes, robbers in the night, losing my child or spouse, getting an illness…oh nevermind. you get the point. i KNOW God is in control, so what is wrong with me?
2. i wonder and wonder why i am so afraid. i think when it comes down to it, i don’t feel worthy of blessings and goodness. so i wait for God to allow a horrible thing to happen to me. or maybe sometimes i just doubt. i wonder if bad things just happen.
1) Having others in my life who want me to stay in bondage. Perhaps not intentionally, but my freedom reminds them of their bonds, which they aren’t releasing.
2) Guilt. Feeling not good enough.
1. Fear
2. Unbelief
1)Useing food to comfort me instead of turning to the Lord. I also struggle with impure sexual thoughts that I can’t seem to control.
2)Fear that even if I devote everything I have, (all of my strength, all my determination, all my time…), to this struggle to break free, I still won’t reach victory and then I have lost even the hope of victory.
Beth,
I am praying for you as you go through this list. I’m praying with a heavy heart at the pain my fellow Siesta’s are going through.
I love them all for being able to share their heart. I love you for being tender to all of it.
I have been so heartsick and then angry at the enemy for every thing he does to defeat us.
BUT, WE WILL be victorious because of the one who lives in us and GOD is always pleased with HIM! Praise HIS holy name!
This verse so comes to mind: James 5:16 (NASB) “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”
Prayers, Blessings and Love,
Teri
Don’t these comments just break your heart?! You never know what deep hurts and bondage are buried beneath the surface of those around you. This proves even more what a gift from Above, a true angel from Heaven, that you are Mrs. Moore. I can’t imagine my own life without the message of Breaking Free. Thank you for allowing God to use you in such a powerful way.
1.Feeling unworthy. It is something I must battle every day. I have to remember what Christ has to say about who I am in HIM! Not what the world is trying to shout at me!
2. In a word unbelief. With everything that follows that. I grew up with such negitivity and abuse that I need to remind myself just how capable our Father really is. Thank you for the Believing God series. That is always my fall back when I start to slip back into bad mental thoughts. Yes, I still do the hand motions! I’m beiliving God!
1. Fear – mostly fear of my children getting sick or of myself getting sick. Most of the time this fear is unexplainable, with a very distinct feeling of it washing over me.
2. Lack of self-discipline in my walk with Christ. I know what it takes and what to do, most of the time I don’t do it.