This past Saturday a sweet woman and a friend I’ve known for some time invited me to a birthday tea she hosted for her 13-year-old girl. Before the celebration, she asked a few ladies to write down a few things to encourage her girl as she is stepping boldly into her teenage years. As I sat and stared a blank document all last week, these ten things came to mind that I wanted to share with her. But as I read them aloud to her Saturday afternoon and handed her the letter for good, I had the desire and got the blessing to share these ten things with other teenage girls if they had ten minutes to put down some homework, and read a little blog. So, here we are. Of course, this list is just scratching the surface of things we need to be teaching those younger than us, but we have to start somewhere, right? The only thing that is coming between us is a computer screen, but imagine us sitting across a quaint little table from one another sipping on some hot tea.
Dear _________________,
Life is learned as you live it, but as my mind started spinning, my fingers slowly started typing the things that I wish someone would have told me at 13 years young. And although I’m sure someone did tell me these things, I probably didn’t listen because I probably thought I already knew everything. Grin. So I’m praying that even if these words seems useless or boring to you today, that you would keep them tucked away and read them when life seems confusing or hard.
For years I’ve loved the word becoming. It’s one of those words that I’ve latched onto for different reasons and at times have even desired to start a ministry called “Becoming Ministries”. Don’t tell me you don’t think things like that, too. And if you don’t, well, just humor me. I really latched onto that word in college because I remember thinking that that season would either make me or break me. That who I chose to become in college would influence the rest of my life.
That is true, but what I realize now is that it starts long before college.
The choices you make affect who you are becoming long before you ever get to college.
You are always becoming. You never arrive. That is, until you meet Jesus face to face. Until then, it’s one long (or short the way you look at it) journey of becoming more like Jesus Christ. Because each circumstance and situation we find ourselves planted in is another opportunity to respond like Jesus would.
Hence my love for the word, becoming.
So, as you are becoming a young woman devoted to the Lord, here are a few things I’ve learned on my own journey of becoming who God has called me to be, for such a time as this:
1) God is the author of your story, not you.
That is so much easier said than lived out, but it is the Gospel truth. He has a plan and a purpose for you that is greater than you could dream up or imagine. If you think your dreams are big, imagine how big His dreams must be for you! If He is the author, He knows the beginning, the middle and the end. Nothing is too complex for Him, no detail is left unnoticed, and His timing is perfect. Sometimes life can be complicated, hard and confusing, but that’s why we have to remember that we have the God of the universe in charge of our story.
2) You are beautiful.
I want you to hear that with fresh ears. God made you unique. He made you, you. And He made you in His image. Since you bear His image, I am praying that as people see you, they would see His face shining upon you. Beauty really is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
Side Note: Yes, it’s okay to like cute clothes, just don’t let that be your measure of beauty. (I mean, let’s be honest, some girls like to shop. Hand raised!)
3) Know the Word.
And know what it says about you. If I’ve learned one thing, I’ve learned that if I can’t always believe what I think about myself, and I can’t always believe what people are saying about me or what the internet says about me, I can believe what the Lord says about me. I can rest in the truth of His word and the promises He gives.
4) Life Consists of Seasons.
Just like the four seasons come and go, so will different seasons of life come and go. Don’t despair! “This too shall pass.” is true in both sweet and bitter seasons of life. While you don’t need to wish any of it away, remember to savor the sweet seasons, take the joy when it comes and stay faithful during the bitter seasons. Worship in the good times and bad. Jesus will be faithful over and over and over again. It’s in the valleys that God develops your character.
5) Be Humble.
At church my pastor always tells us to “go low”. Going low means being humble, staying humble, becoming a servant instead of searching for the spotlight. Serve, serve, serve. Invest, invest, invest in people. Never get too comfortable in your routine that you can’t go out of your way to help somebody else. Work quietly with your hands and your Father in Heaven will reward your faithfulness. Be faithful in the small things. You’ll never be too good to do something “meaningless”.
6) Be bold.
In a world of social networking, we can hide behind our computer, our phones, or our iPads. Be bold. Learn how to communicate face to face. It’s a life skill that’s becoming extinct, especially to our teenagers. Refrain from posting things online that you wouldn’t say to someone in person. Passive-aggressiveness (posting something for all to see when you only mean it for one to see) is not attractive.
7) True Love Waits.
I don’t mean that in the way you hear it in church all the time. Staying pure until marriage is a gift, by all means, yes, pursue purity. It’s much harder than you think in the sex-saturated world we live in, but whether you believe it or not, it’s possible. What I mean is, wait for a man that will pursue you, not confuse you. (And be careful not to be the one doing the confusing, either. We girls certainly know how to manipulate.) Wait for a man that will protect your purity, not use it. You are responsible for how you present yourself; so present yourself in a way that’s worth protecting. Sex doesn’t equal love, so wait for a man that loves and respects you enough to practice restraint towards you instead of giving into temptation before marriage. Building a relationship and romance takes time, something we’ve lost the art of in a world with technology at our fingertips, so don’t feel pressure to rush things. Remember, before you are someone’s wife, you are first their Sister in Christ, so don’t settle for less than being treated like a Sister. Your future husband will admire and value you. But also remember, there is forgiveness in Christ. You are not your past; your future spouse is not his past. The Lord redeems and renews. Praise God! But be patient in the waiting. (That’s coming from a girl whose story is still being written. It’s not easy at all. Not one ounce is easy. But Jesus is good and He is better.)
8) Pursue Your Calling.
You may not know what the Lord is calling you to do today, and that’s okay. But pursuing your calling is a bold and courageous thing. Run after the things that make your heart swell. Ask questions, ask for wisdom. Be friends with those younger than you, older than you and in the same season as you. Do things you love to do. Make a plan, but keep in mind that you can make all the plans in the world, but the Lord is the one who directs each of our steps.
9) Your Words Matter.
Speak kind words to, in front of, and behind your friend’s backs. And make sure your words and your actions line up with each other. Be honest. Be loving. Be kind. Be generous. A lady named Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Make people feel loved with your words and actions. In a world of email and text messaging, don’t loose the wonder of snail mail.
10) Laugh.
You are never too old or too young to simply stop and have fun on this journey of life. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Laugh with your friends. Laugh with your family. Enjoy life Savor it. Journal about it. Talk about your experiences. Visit places you think are interesting. When all is said and done, you don’t want anyone to remember you as a Negative Nelly. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom and joy! So own that joy, live it out and share it with those around you.
You are dearly loved, my Sister in Christ. This I know, the Lord has a plan for your life that no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no mind can comprehend or imagine. Believe it. Believe that Jesus is better.
“No one has ever seen, no one has ever heard, no one has ever imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9
“3 So trust in the Lord and do good.
Live on your land and be dependable.
4 Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you whatever you ask for.
5 Depend on the Lord. Trust in him, and he will help you.
6 He will make it as clear as day that you are right.
Everyone will see that you are being fair.
7 Trust in the Lord and wait quietly for his help.
Don’t be angry when people make evil plans and succeed.
8 Don’t become so angry and upset that you, too, want to do evil.
9 The wicked will be destroyed,
but those who call to the Lord for help will get the land he promised.
10 In a short time there will be no more evil people.
You can look for them all you want, but they will be gone.
11 Humble people will get the land God promised, and they will enjoy peace.”
Psalm 37: 3-11
What a beautiful word!
The world shouts out to young women all the time with lies, lies, lies.
We need to shout out too because we have the truth.
Thank you for this wonderful post, Lindsee. The Lord has good plans for You!
What wise and beautiful truths, Lindsee! I hope you don’t mind if I print this off to send to my daughter and granddaughters. So timely and encouraging!! Thank you for being a true servant of Christ.
Lindsee Lou – I love you! I am mom to two sons, but I tell you this – my sweet daughters-in-law were raised with these truths, and I’m saving this for my two grandgirls who are 3 1/2 and 1 right now.
You’re a treasure!
Love you,
GJ
Thank you so much! I will be sharing this with my 13 year old daughter!
I loved this and wish I had read something similar when I was 13. How well I remember longing to look like the models in “Seventeen” magazine — not even close!
Thanks for posting this. I plan to give my granddaughter a copy of this in November when we celebrate her Birthday and have our special one on one time.
Thanks so much, Lindsee! Printed this off and will share with my daughter when the “time is right.” haha She doesn’t always appreciate her Mama’s “input” into her life. But praying for a soft heart as she reads your words.
Thanks again!
O, bless your beautiful and sweet heart, Lindsee!! My youngest daughter will be 13 soon.
I will certainly pass these wise and insightful truths onto her – quite possibly in handwriting!!
Thank you so much for this! Perfect timing!
Quite inspiring…
Wow… what a sweet word. I have a daughter that is turning 13 in January. What a wonderful idea to have special women in their life to share some life truths with them. Would I have permission to read this to her, perhaps in the same kind of setting? I think it is a wonderful idea! Thanks so much for sharing!!
Amy, you are more than welcome to use these words and share them in the same format, yes! Many blessings to you and your girl.
Lindsee! I have a 12.5 year old daughter! I’d love to hold a “Birthday Tea” for her! Can you tell me if it was all mentor-type friends and family that were invited? Or were there other kids there too? what was the format? Sounds amazing! I’m going to print these words of encouragement for her.
Hi Hallie! For the tea she only invited older woman that had been a part of her life up until then, and then, because she was turning 13 after all, she had her own birthday party with a bunch of her friends. There were about 10 of us, we gathered at her house, had tea and cake, then spoke blessings and prayed over her. I hope that helps!
Such wise words for our young girls. I printed this out and took it to church for our girls pre-teen leader last night. Thank you for this Lindsee.
Beautiful… And I am taking them to heart at 43, I don’t think it’s just a word for teens.
Every young woman should read this and I believe if some of the wording was changed it could apply to young men as well.
I actually saw the link to this from a friend on Facebook, and clicked on it, just because I have a 13-year-old granddaughter. So . . . I read on . . . and LOVED IT! Such good advice. Thank you for sharing, and I’ll be back!
What translation is that at the end? I can’t find it.
Hi Mandie, I’m pretty sure it’s the Easy-to-Read version. I looked it up in several and landed on that one! Blessings!
Thank you, Lindsee. What an amazing word! We have a secret sister program at our church (Where an older woman gets matched with a younger woman to give little gifts and notes of encouragement throughout the year — until the big reveal in Spring). I will be sharing this with them, I hope, in the coming weeks. So gracious of you to share. Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful letter. My daughter will be 13 in a few months, and these are all things I want her to know and remember. I’m printing this to give to her.
I do wish this had been shared with me as a teen. I am blessed to have it as a grandmother.
This is great advice even for older teenage girls, I think this is phenomenal.
Thank you SO much for writing this! This is such a good reminder even now as a 22 year old of where my priorities are and even a good reminder of how I need to wait patiently on the Lord. This post was such and needed blessing and message in my life. Thank you!
What a wonderful post. I am 27 and was probably told the same at 13, but it’s never to late to listen once again and take note. Thank you.
What a wonderful post. I am 27 and was probably told the same at 13, but it’s never too late to listen once again and take note. Thank you.
This is one of the single best posts ever! Kuddos to you for lifting this young woman up to the Lord – for encouraging and empathizing and steering. You’ve served as inspiration for me to do the same exercise for my 12yr old boys 13th birthday. I plan to put them into a book of “Wisdom” as he enters the teenage years – asking family and friends to speak truth to him. Thank you so much! God’s blessing to you!
These words of wisdom may have been written for young teenage girls, but this 57 year old lady will also take them to heart. Thank you Lindsee!!
Excellent, Lindsee! Thank you for sharing that! There’s a big heap of wisdom in that wonderful letter. I wish someone had written a letter like that to me when I was that age. But you know, the truth is still the truth – we are “becoming” no matter what our age or season in life. That’s one of so many reasons why the life in Christ is so meaningful.
Thanks for blessing my Friday morning.
What a good word for the 13 year old – and for this 53 year old! We all need to be reminded of these things as women and ladies! Thank you Beth 🙂
I’m going to share this with my pre-teen granddaughters. Thanks for thinking of us Lindsee!
Lindsee, I cannot thank you enough for sharing this with us! My 16 year old daughter and I are in what I would call a season of “lukewarm-ness”. Is that even a word? 🙂 We have had worse, we have certainly had better, and even best! I think the lukewarm seasons are the hardest for me, I like passion! My daughter and I have a history, like all mothers and daughters do, and the lack luster relationship we have had in the past has been transformed and renewed through the grace and mercy of Christ! So when the lukewarm hits our home it grieves me, I long to reach out with the right words, to ignite her, to ignite me! Just last night I prayed a sincere prayer for the Wisdom from above, to be gentle with my words, and patience to coax her out of these doldrums. Here in your post is His answer to me. What a gracious and loving God we serve, His timing and perfect provision amazes me anew every time!! Thank you and God Bless!!
Wow. I’m thirteen, and this totally made my day!Thank you so much for sharing this message! Every teenaged christian girl like me should read this!
Oh how beautiful, touching and truthful. I too hope its okay to share this in a letter to my 14 year old beautiful daughter who struggles in this mixed up world!
I started having a Girls’ Night Out with my daughter, with ideas from a book of that name, subtitled “Having Fun with Your Daughter While Raising a Woman of God” by Michaelann Martin and MariAnna Martin.
Another great source for reaching out to our young ones.
Thank you.
I absolutely love this. It is so true. I am soooooo glad you shared this and I wish I could share it with every girl in the world. I am going to start with my daughter and her friends. Praise the Lord!!!!!!
THANK YOU, Lindsay! I’ve got a young lady on her way to 13 this year….will save and share for her.
Bless you!
Printing this and sharing it with my 13 year old…..THANK YOU!!!! <3
I am 61 years young raising my 8 year old granddaughter. I want to share those words with her even now. My heart was blessed. I am going to share these with some of my peeps who are mentoring some young girls at our church. Thank you.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE write more for tween/teen girls! This is so needed! I have been searching for a good biblestudy to do with my 10 year old that would cover some of the issues above and I CAN NOT FIND ONE! These girls need truth and love! If you know of any resources can you please pass them my way? This article was a HUGE blessing! Thank you!
Thank you for such a wonderful list!! As a coach of high school girls these words offer real guidance on the journey of “becoming”. They are great for Mom’s as well!
Thank you, Lindsee. What a beautiful letter filled with awesome words of wisdom. I printed it off for a couple of my teen nieces.
Beautifully written thank you for sharing.
As a mother of four children 2 boys and 2 girls your letter is relevant even for my boys(change husband to wife ) I will be sharing this my children of all ages 24-11
Thank you so much. I’m only 63 years young, you are never to old or young to receive from Jesus, I’m saved and a member of Word Of God Min. I will pass this on, once more, thank you. Love in Jesus’s name. Amen
This is one of the greatest posts I’ve seen everyone with a daughter coming to their teens needs to give this to them God Bless you for this
I’m no teen but I’m soaking in your words. Never to late to start heeding this wisdom!
Thanks so much for sharing this. I’m 16, and this is speaking great truth into my life at just the right time. I probably have heard all of this before, since I’ve grown up in a Christian household, but it’s always good to hear them OVER and OVER again since we girls/young women always seem to forget and choose instead to believe the lies the Devil throws at us. So thank you for the reminder!!!
Just one note:
The need for purity doesn’t stop when we get married. In fact it becomes even more critical. Within marriage, a lack of purity impacts our spouse at the most intimate levels.
It is beyond alarming how our “sex-saturated world” has invaded our marriages and is destroying intimacy at all sorts of levels.
The statistics are readily available. Here are two: 47% of Christian homes say pornography is a major issue for them. 56% of divorces cite obsessive pornography as an element.
Yes, Tedd! You are so right. Thank you for sharing!
Love love love this! My oldest daughter is turning 13 tomorrow and I cannot wait to share this with her. Absolutely beautiful and perfect! Thank you!!
Lindsee, thank you. I’m late in commenting but this post has been rumbling around my mind since it hit my inbox! I have a 16 year old sister and some other young, vibrant, amazing women in my life I will share this with. (boy, it was a great checklist for myself too)
Thank you so very much for this. My daughter will turn 13 in November and I’m going to do this for her.
I understand the reason you wrote this for the Teenage Girl, but it is also very useful for the Teenage Boy. I wish someone gave this to me as a teenager…
Awesome. Thank you. =]