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You, my darling Siestas, have become an invaluable resource to this teaching ministry and outreach to women. I’d love to hear from you again on something God keeps talking to me about and going way out of His way to show me. It’s the issue of insecurity in women. I’ve mentioned it in several Bible studies and at various events but I’ve never taken concentrated time (never had it to take!) to pounce on it and really explore it as a topic all by itself. I’m very impressed in my spirit that the time has come. Below you’ll find the answers I’m looking for and if you’ll simply number your responses accordingly, you won’t need to repeat the questions. Two of the most important things to keep in mind:
ALL RESPONSES MUST BE ANONYMOUS.
ALL RESPONSES NEED TO BE BLATANTLY HONEST! Please don’t answer like you think a Christian woman ought to answer. It won’t help.
OK, here goes: (Women only please)
1. What age-decade are you in? (Teens? Twenties? Thirties? …Sixties?)
2. Single? Married? Divorced? Or widowed?
3. How big an issue is insecurity to you personally? Respond with one of the following answers: None at all; A little; Enough to bother me; Pretty big; HUGE.
4. What do you see as the 2 leading sources of insecurity in your personal life? (Use brief answers please)
5. Give this one serious thought: How much would you say a man or men play into your insecurities? (Use only a few words.)
6. If you have something to share and particularly if you feel your pulse rising a bit at the subject matter, write one BRIEF paragraph describing specific impact insecurity has had on you. (We will not be able to post lengthy ones. Please keep these a length many people will read. I think women will be interested in this topic and want to see what everybody has to say. Personally, I can’t wait.)
After I see your responses, I may come back and ask a few more things if that’s OK but this will at least get us off the ground on the subject. Thank you so much, Siestas, for taking the time and going to the trouble to lend your insight! YOU ARE A WEALTH! And you are making such a difference in our lives here at LPM and the lives of those we have the privilege to serve. I love you like crazy. Jesus is life.
Oh, P.S.!! Do us a huge favor! See if you can get some of the young women in your life who are in middle school or high school to hop on the blog and take the survey. They would lend priceless insight. The same is true for college-age so if you have access to young women, we’d so appreciate you asking them to consider helping us out. Thanks!
Tags: surveys
1. Just 40
2. married
3. Pretty big bordering huge
4. afraid others won’t like me and lack of friends
5. this one is not an issue for me
6. over the years it has taken its toll on associating with co-workers and just having friends
1. 30'S
2. Married with two kiddos, 16 & 3
3. Enough to bother me
4. a) Being looked up to as a Christian mentor, but not feeling worthy to be one. b) Fears about the choices my kids will make in the future, and their security in Christ in this increasingly deceptive world.
5. None.
6. I fear a time when God's Word may not easily accessed in the near future, and how much of His Word I've hidden in my own heart. I want to be a woman who is able to follow the TRUTH always, who won't be deceived, and who will help others to find and know Him. Satan speaks lies over me in this regard all the time, sabotaging my resolve and confidence. Ugh. This is my greatest insecurity … my own mind.
1. 30s
2. Married.
3. Huge.
4. My outward appearance and the feeling that I am never good enough, there is always someone better than me.
5. Men haven’t really played a part in it.
40’s
Married
Enough to bother me
– body shape, wishing I was smaller here and different there…
– mediocre performance in all of my responsibility etc. In other words, doing lots, but not feeling I do anything as well as I would like.
I keep this to myself because I feel it has nothing to do with the male relationships in my life, dad, siblings, husband. I would never want them to feel they contributed nor would I want others to question their relationship to these insecurities.
A big part of what bothers me is that while this is all very real to me, I know others would find it hard to believe and would scoff at either insecurity.
1. 40
2. married
3. HUGE
4. Father, husband
5. The men in my life are my insecurity problems.
6. It is an authority issue. My constant thought toward my daddy and my husband is “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?” They make the DUMBEST decisions that affect their families without even consulting anyone, mostly financial but other areas as well. My husband does not even want to hear my opinion, and he is so unwise in so many areas of his life.
1. 30’s
2. Married
3. A little bit
4. Fitting in with Christian and non christian friends.
5. My husband treats me in such a way that boosts my self esteem. As a result, very few things seem to make me insecure.
1. Thirties
2. married, 2 kids
3. enough to bother me
4. not valuing myself, weight
5. a little, I find that men are highly attracted to smiles and that includes my husband
6. I find that the things I feel most insecure about are the things that don’t even matter to my husband. They are the things I think matter to him, based on the fact that I am conditioned to think that men are only interested in sex. So that’s where I put my own value. But all he wants is for me to be happy, to smile and laugh, be carefree, and let him be the man! To say it plainly, I feel insecure about being insecure…
1. Mid-forties
2. Married (20 yrs.) 4 children
3. Enough to bother me
4. a. Raised by overpowering Mom
childhood feelings were
never validated. Outward
beauty was always praised
in my family, never your
character or abilities.
b. Father abandoned me at 3,
step father “dropped” me
when my sister was born to
he and my Mom. As a teen I
began drugs/alcohol and was
very involved in sex.
(distorted my view of men
and self)
5. A large part, because of
circumstances never felt good
enough or loved
6. I know my insecurities have
kept me from things in my life
While I love to teach God’s
word and have a love for
writing and have taught many
women’s classes, there was
always this nagging feeling,
you aren’t good enough. My
insecurities almost destroyed
my marriage, I suffocated my
husband and He was miserable!
Praise be to Jesus – we were
both introduced to Him in 1990
and He saved not only our
souls but our marriage as well!
Through God’s word to me and
through study of word and
prayer, I am getting better.
Meditating on His word reaffirms who I am in Him. Pressing On…
1. 30’s
2. single
3. enough to bother me-pretty big
4. 1. Physical appearance (weight, hair, makeup, dress – mostly weight),
2. compare myself alot to other women in alot of ways, how they look, dress, act, lead their spiritual lives
3. my singleness is a source of insecurity at times..”What’s wrong with me?”
5. I think both men and women play into my insecurites. I am a woman..I know how women think…and alot of my self judgement comes out of how I might think another woman views me. We are not the nicest gender at times! 😉
6. I have wasted so much stinkin time wallowing in stupid insecurities! At times I have been strangled almost to death by the cares of this world! Truth constantly before my eyes is ALL that I need and I am ok!
1. 40s
2. Married
3. HUGE
4. Being molested as a child and being overweight.
5. I believe men played a HUGE role in this. It made me feel ugly and I have never felt “good enough.”
6. I know I have over eaten so as not make myself appear attractive because in the back of my mind if I’m unattractive I will not be sexually assaulted again.
1. 30s
2. Married
3. HUGE
4. 1) My appearance 2) My personal success — not in the sense of making money or having a big career — but succeeding at the tasks put before me as a woman – motherhood, being a good wife, friend, daughter, etc. I constantly feel I am failing in most of these areas. Or at least that I don’t measure up to other women around me — that’s a biggie with insecurity too — constantly comparing myself to others.
5. My insecurity is hugely impacted by men – particularly in the area of appearance. Men in my life have had the ability to make me feel more beautiful People magazine’s sexiest woman of the year on one end of the spectrum, but on the other, uglier and lowlier than a discarded, slimy piece of trash. Their words, their glances, their snickering — it’s all extremely powerful.
6. I believe insecurity is often exasperated by women as well. We constantly compare ourselves to one another, but yet we don’t really talk much about it. If we would tell one another when we start feeling jealous or insecure about a particular thing, we’d eliminate a lot of grief in our lives.
40’s
Divorced 2 kids
Enough to bother me
being overweight and not doing enough just the way I am
Not so much anymore but when I was younger I would have done anything for a man and did… I let them brow beat me until I had no self esteem left.
I think if I had not been so insacure in my own life I would have not stayed in two really horrible relationships. I also think that my teenage kids would have things a little easier if their momma had her act together.
1. 30’s
2. married
3. huge
4. weight and acne.
5. not much really.
6. I feel like people treat you differently when you are overweight and the hormone acne is terrible, I just want to cover my face. No matter how nice my clothes and hair are, I still feel like a fat girl with zits. It’s embarrasing when I see people I haven’t seen for years and the last time they saw me I was thin with beautiful skin, I hide from people in the store. The only comfort I have is that Jesus doesn’t see me like I see me, I pray that he will help me see myself through his eyes one day.
1. 50’s
2. married
3. a little
4. Mother, Father, brother
5. Shallow relationship with father, older brother was jerk growing up
6. One of the most important things for a young girl is to have a good relationship with father and brothers. Having strong non-sexual relationships with males prepares girls in how to relate to guys during dating years and beyond. A shallow father who never discusses anything deeper than the weather and a mean hearted brother really makes a huge batch of insecurity. A good and patience husband is a God sent remedy.
Just turned 40.
Married, 2 kids.
Enough to bother me.
Wanting to please people, wanting to be liked and accepted.
Not men, just with other women and how they perceive me. It all goes back to being liked.
I am too worried about how I appear. I compare myself too much to others. I know I am loved by God just the way I am, but I do find myself trying to measure up at times. I’m getting better though. At times, but still struggle too.
1. twenties
2. single
3. pretty big
4. comparing myself to others and physical appearance (weight)
5. not very much, i struggle more with comparing myself to other women and worry about their opinions of me
6. my insecurities have cause me to feel very inconsistant, around some people i feel i can be “me”, outgoing, bubbly, fun and around others i shut down, become very quiet and don’t enjoy myself.
1- fifties (love it)
2 – married
3 – pretty big
4 – forgiving myself for not looking 20 something anymore;
use of time for all those i love
as well as my passions in life
5 – huge, his opinion affects mine
6 – early in marriage he threatened to sell the washer/dryer if i quit work to stay home w/ our child. have worked for 30+ years, i now give myself permision to make myself
happy with or without his ok –
but it makes me sad in my heart.
I’m in my forties. I push through insecurity all the time in order to serve my family, serve God as a Bible teacher, and to live the God-life. I feel that my strong convictions and years of depending on Jesus have separated me from close relationships with people. (They don’t get me.) This is such a disappointment to me because I never feel I can be who I am because I am afraid I will be misunderstood and ultimately lonely. Who am I kiddin’, I am lonely. Living with eternity in your soul and living on earth is hard. It’s not about men or women, it’s about me and I can’t figure it out. I tell myself Jesus is enough and keep trying to find the joy.
1. I’m 28.
2. Single.
3. Enough to bother me
4. Singleness aaaand Singleness
5. Men from my past definitely play into my insecurities, i.e. a dad who wasn’t a spiritual leader, and an unhealthy relationship with an ex-boyfriend. I’ve come to terms with these, but I never know when Satan may decide to bring them up and use them against me again.
6. I think insecurity keeps me from living and loving fully.
teens
single
enough to bother me
i dont know where it comes from. sometimes you just feel left out or insecure about how u fell dress or act around others
now that i think of it, alot
unforunately since im insecure alot, im always thinking of ways to fit in or make people like me better. i like to please others and make them want to be my friend.
I just wanted to mention that there are two books (and since you love words and stats) that I have gone through recently and have really changed my thinking on some things:
“Unchristian”, what a new generation really thinks about Christianity by David Kinnaman and
“Created to be his Help Meet” by Debi Pearl. This book in particular has addressed some real issues, one being insecurity. Winning your husband back through being playful and other things. It was very refreshing to me. I don’t agree with all of it but there were some very practical ways to change a marriage and not what the world tells you to do either!
1. 30’s
2. Married with 2 children
3. Enough to bother me most of the time; Pretty big sometimes
4. What the “world” thinks/expects (aka not renewing my mind in Christ enough) and my own unrealistic expectations (see previous parenthetical)
5. Sadly, a lot…it started with my father growing up, he always wanted me to do more and better to have a better life than him, but I was already driven, so the added pressure was too much and made me insecure…now when I face any criticism, constructive or otherwise, from my husband I have to fight feeling like a failure
6. During my last pregnancy, I was insecure about my 8 month belly, large and complete with stretch marks. My insecurity was enhanced by I had a friend who was due at the same time as me and much smaller. One day after seeing her, I came home and cried before God. I knew that I shouldn’t care so much about what I looked like, that I was blessed to be with child, etc. I just wanted to hear what He had to say about it all. After I poured my heart out to Him, He replied “You’re Beautiful” and told me all the reasons why. How sweet. That’s Him.
1. 40s
2. Married
3. A little
4. Approval of others
?
5. Men play little to none
6. Older I get, less insecure I am. While on an annual summer mission experience one of my native friends nailed my insecurity issue when she blurted out “you have an approval addiction”. She took my breath away with her dead-on assessment, and we laughed until we cried at how God works through the body of Christ.
1. 50’s
2. divorced
3. a little
4. childhood emotional and sexual abuse
5. men were very significant
6. Abuse left me worthless and filled with shame. In turn, this caused me to make a lifetime of bad decisions. It also made it very difficult for me to trust God (a male figure). But God led me through years of Christian counseling and now I can say that, for the majority, I AM FREE!!!
30s
married
enough to bother me
physical appearance, not being liked
not that much
1. 30’s
2. married, 2 kids
3. enough to bother me and seek counseling
4.mother’s death during my teens and distant father
5.alot, I want my husband to make be secure by doing that I place stress on him and me. I am placing him in a role that only God can truly fulfill.
6.Thanks to Christian Counsel, I am learning to take my insecurity to Christ. It is my “thing”, some people struggle with addiction, homosexuality, anger, you name it. Insecurity is something I most bring to Him daily and cry out “Help me”, You alone Father make me secure and I want to believe only YOU!”
30's
happily married – 11 years – 2 kids
a little
the environment in which i was raised. parents always pointing out my flaws. now i strive to be beautiful and presentable and i exercise to keep myself healthy and at a managable weight. nothing obsessive. no surgeries or anything.
i am secure in myself NOW, thank you BREAKING FREE & LIVING BEYOND YOURSELF. i know that i am loved by Christ and that is all that matters. i love the insecure women and tell them they are beautiful. i find something to fuss over them for. my man loves me through and through.
i have been insecure my whole growing up, i'm done relying on others to make me feel secure. i love me for me.
1. 40’s
2. Married
3. A little
4. My confidence, fitting in
5. Not much
6. insecurities keep me from stepping out and letting people know how I feel
1. 30s
2. Married
3. Huge
4. Fear and Doubt
5. Men played a huge role in my insecurity
6. My father left our family when I was 12 years old. Instead of feeling that security in my heavenly father, I searched for it in my earthly father and was let down. I tried to replace it with boyfriend and was scarred badly. It has affected me even into my adult life.
1. 20’s
2. married
3. enough to bother me
4. not being what people expect spiritually and physical appearance
5. little, it’s more other women’s opinions
1. 40’s
2. married
3. a little
4. *when my marriage ~ which is really great ~ hits a bump. If there is any conflict, I start feeling insecure. Not sure why.
5. not a lot ~ like I said, except when there is a problem. I don’t like conflict.
1 – late 40’s
2 – widowed
3 – a little
4 – primarily weight issues
5 – somewhat from the past that hangs on, but nothing currently
1. 20’s
2. single
3. HUGE
4. lack of dating, decided awhile back that i was going to stop the boyfriend to boyfriend thing and wait on a husband, God is taking his SWEET time. – my dependence on other people defining me
5. HUGE, and not only to me but to my family. They are all so concerned that I haven’t gotten married yet.
6. I have a voice, It’s God given it sure isn’t me. And for years I got on stage with our choir behind me, and sang solos no biggy. Then one day I got asked to do a solo without the choir, I thought I could do it. Then I got out there – and shook. To the point of almost falling down. Our worship leader came and stood behind me with her hand on my back and held my mic for me because it was shaking so bad. I’m a pretty good faker when I have back up, but I’m not comfortable with me. I’m not worthy.
1. Thirties
2. Married
3. Pretty big
4. Mother-in-Law; Working full-time at a job outside of the home
5. Not as much anymore (after healing) but it rises when I feel my husband chooses his mother over me
6. I recently realized there is a foundational crack in our marriage that started after a comment was made about my cooking by my mother-in-law when we were first married. She also said that the Bible says a man is to leave his father and mother but it does not say that a mother is to leave her son. She is a very sweet, generous, loving, godly woman so I’ve been torn with my feelings towards her. Regardless, her comments have caused big time insecurity in me as a wife and new mother.
1)40’s
2)Divorced
3)Pretty Big
4)Abandonment of father and husband and weight issues (that I know are from the abandonment issue)
5)almost completely-I am pretty confident around other women.
6)My insecurity has changed who I am at times. While I used to be very social, I have become more of a people watcher in situations where I don’t know people. It ultimately has effected my work and inhibited my ability to mingle and meet people, a big part of my job. I am ok once people know me though.
1. 40’s
2. Married, 2 teenagers
3. Enough!
4. Pride and men
5. A big part. Husband is great at making me feel secure…sometimes that is one of my downfalls…I feel he is “doing his job” at making me feel good, loving me unconditionally. As you can see, always questioning deep down if the love is real and how long can this last? (This from somone married to the same man for 25 years, which proves it’s my insecurities and nothing he’s done.)
6. I have stepped out and taken chances at times, but many times sit on the sidelines waiting on someone else to take the lead.
1)20s
2)married
3)Pretty large, if I am honest with myself
4)Fear and shame
5)pretty greatly
6)abuses of my past that I buried for years are the core- I didn’t realize that I desperately seek approval of father-like figures (father, husband, bosses), and if I don’t get it, I either feel such anger that its undeserved, or such shame that criticism is deserved. Only recently has God taken me into his arms while he let me be sifted and see that it is a sick cycle; and I am to be steadfast in his grace and love, not in insecurity.
1.Thirties
2.Married
3.Enough to bother me
4.Physical appearance/comparing myself to others. Finances.
5.Not much, I have a wonderful husband who loves me very much and honors me in many ways.
6.For whatever reason I struggle with being insecure around other women. Constantly comparing myself, physically, spiritually, financially,…..
30’s
Married
Pretty big
The past abuse makes me insecure coupled with the going to a small christian school where I felt like an outsider just because of who I was related too.
The insecurities with men are not as big but since I am married and have been through counseling but sometimes when things are not going well they definitelty come back full force.
1. 20
2. Single
3. Pretty Big
4. Weight and other physical attributes
5. Men and women play a huge role in my insecurities. Men seems to only one that perfect picture of a woman you see in magazines. Girls are always trying to perfect that image for them and if you aren’t that you feel judged. Especially in high school, but college isn’t much different.
6. It really holds me back as a person. I want to be strong, but something always seems to be there to break me back down.
1. 30s
2. Single, raising my nephew
3. Enough to bother me
4. weight, being single
5. not a certain man, but men in
general because I can’t seem to
catch the attention of one!
6. Sometimes I question how God
could love me as much as he does
1. Leaving twenties and entering thirties this 2009.
2. Single.
3. A little.
4. Not trusting God and feeling like I’ll never get married or have a family.
5. Unfortunately more than it should. I continually struggle to remind myself that I don’t need a man to make myself happy.
6. Most days I feel like a failure because I do not have a man that loves me and I’m not in a committed relationship. I know that it’s rediculous but it is very hard to not compare myself to others my age and to not feel like there is something wrong with me.
1. 50’s
2. married
3. a little
4. criticism from critical mother
5. Not significant at all
6. Pulse is not rising. I am secure in Christ! Praise God!
1. I’m 20
2. Single
3. Enough to bother me
4. My weight, my clothing
5. Somewhat, but women play in as well
6. I feel huge pressure to look my best because everyone says that youth is beauty. It’s really hard to think that it’s all downhill from here just because I’m young, and I don’t really ever feel adequate when it comes to the way I look.
40’s
married
HUGE
childhood,childhood
very little
I lead study (We just finished Psalms of Ascent) and the more seasoned members of the group at the end gently suggested I figure out with God why I feel so inadequate. I already know why and how special I am to God…BUT..Now I feel insecure as a leader!!
1~30’s
2~single, no children
3~Pretty Big
4~words that have been spoken to me, unbelief
5~Men play about 50%,
6~I am afraid of failure, i am such a dreamer but when it comes to taking a step forward i freeze. its like commitment phobia.
1. Thirties
2. married, 2 little ones
3. Pretty big
4. My weight, my inability to be who I want to be(perfect)
5. Men have been a big part of my insecurities. I never had a father figure and have never felt like I knew how to act with men. I was also molested as a teenager. My man does play into them to because of his own issues, he wants me to be thin wonderwoman. He fights it, but it comes out.
6. I think the biggest impact insecurity has on me is my ability to relate to people. Always feeling inadequate in who I am keeps me at a distance. The best cure I have found for my insecurities is a big dose of God’s love for me, but I still forget and turn away and the cycle goes on and on.
1.40s
2.married, 3 kids
3.HUGE
4.weight, self confidence
5.men play a role, but the competitiveness of being a woman more
6.I never feel like I belong anywhere. Painful to be in group situations – though i long for intimacy – i can’t get close to anyone
1. Late 30’s
2. married
3. a little more than a little
4. just not being as good as others, not wanting to be left out of antthing
5. women, not men
6. I see it affecting how I want my kids to ft in. They do, but I’m crazy about them being part of the group and having the right friends. Their ‘popularity’ doesn’t matter to them, but to me.
1. 30’s
2. Married
3. HUGE
4. My obesity which started with low self esteem…it affects everything I do. I also do not trust my own thoughts because when I was growing up everyone told me what I was “supposed” to think.
5. Men are the reason for my insecurities. My beauty was used against me by them.
6. Insecurity has kept me from LIVING LIFE. Insecurity robbed me of my joy and stole my God given path. Insecurity kept me in complete fear and paranoia while I was stalked by a ex. Insecurity lead me to believe the lies that my 115 lb body was fat…which lead to the obesity that has robbed me of 14 years of my life and good health.