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*Last call for comments! We will close the post at 9:45 a.m. central time so that we can keep the comments at a number we can manage. Thanks so much, ladies!*
You, my darling Siestas, have become an invaluable resource to this teaching ministry and outreach to women. I’d love to hear from you again on something God keeps talking to me about and going way out of His way to show me. It’s the issue of insecurity in women. I’ve mentioned it in several Bible studies and at various events but I’ve never taken concentrated time (never had it to take!) to pounce on it and really explore it as a topic all by itself. I’m very impressed in my spirit that the time has come. Below you’ll find the answers I’m looking for and if you’ll simply number your responses accordingly, you won’t need to repeat the questions. Two of the most important things to keep in mind:
ALL RESPONSES MUST BE ANONYMOUS.
ALL RESPONSES NEED TO BE BLATANTLY HONEST! Please don’t answer like you think a Christian woman ought to answer. It won’t help.
OK, here goes: (Women only please)
1. What age-decade are you in? (Teens? Twenties? Thirties? …Sixties?)
2. Single? Married? Divorced? Or widowed?
3. How big an issue is insecurity to you personally? Respond with one of the following answers: None at all; A little; Enough to bother me; Pretty big; HUGE.
4. What do you see as the 2 leading sources of insecurity in your personal life? (Use brief answers please)
5. Give this one serious thought: How much would you say a man or men play into your insecurities? (Use only a few words.)
6. If you have something to share and particularly if you feel your pulse rising a bit at the subject matter, write one BRIEF paragraph describing specific impact insecurity has had on you. (We will not be able to post lengthy ones. Please keep these a length many people will read. I think women will be interested in this topic and want to see what everybody has to say. Personally, I can’t wait.)
After I see your responses, I may come back and ask a few more things if that’s OK but this will at least get us off the ground on the subject. Thank you so much, Siestas, for taking the time and going to the trouble to lend your insight! YOU ARE A WEALTH! And you are making such a difference in our lives here at LPM and the lives of those we have the privilege to serve. I love you like crazy. Jesus is life.
Oh, P.S.!! Do us a huge favor! See if you can get some of the young women in your life who are in middle school or high school to hop on the blog and take the survey. They would lend priceless insight. The same is true for college-age so if you have access to young women, we’d so appreciate you asking them to consider helping us out. Thanks!
Tags: surveys
1. 50s
2. married
3. pretty big
4. feeling like I’m not lovable (feel unable to truly believe what God says about me) and being fat
5. a little — mostly it’s women
6. rejection that began in the womb, adopted at a young age, emotional abuse and controlling by adoptive Christian mother–huge ongoing issues of never being quite good enough for her, passive father, compounded by being left by first husband for another woman after 10 years together. I remarried on the rebound but God has blessed me with a loving and supportive husband of 20 yrs!, yet I still feel I never fit in, say the wrong things, just can’t do anything right no matter how hard I try. I think it’s mostly in my own mind, but I’m never sure.
6. My first Blog post and it’s such a significant one! Funny that earlier today I called one of my “safe” guy friends and began by telling him he was getting a phone call from “Insecurity Girl” today and I needed a date to an upcoming party. She doesn’t come forth too much anymore because I have been focusing on dealing with my root rejection issues and “Breaking Free” but it is apparent how much insecurity affects my life when I find myself friend rather than just allowing the Lord to sustain through all circumstances. I only put a name to this huge issue in the last year of my life. I have a fear of rejection because of my insecurities. The thoughts I feel at times looking back at my life do not accurately reflect the girl people see on the outside. Interestingly enough, though today may have been a day for Insecurity Girl to rear her silly head, it was also a day of victory. I ran on the tradmill at the gym today! This is a first for me – I have always been too insecure to run in front of people because I am afraid of what they’ll be thinking as I am running since I am a heavier girl. I know the Truth and it should set me free but I am realizing I so often take back what I have surrendered to the Lord.
1.twenties
2.single
3.pretty big but dealing with it
4.not feeling beautiful/rejection
5.HUGE – guys I’m still single…guys aren’t taking the bait so it validates the lies sometimes…I feel as if I can never be free from judgement.
I’m in my early twenties.
Single.
Pretty big – somedays it’s HUGE
I have a tendency to compare myself to others and to belive lies from the devil about who I am.
I think about 30-40 percent.
The way that I look at it, insecurity is one of the biggest things that Satan can use to cripple women and to keep us from being exactly who God wants us to be and from doing exactly what God has called us to do. Once Satan gets into our heads and we belive the lies that he is telling us either through other people, or media, or whatever he’s got us. We feel like we are no longer good enough to be used by God because we don’t see ourselves as having any worth at all. And that’s such a lie. God has crafted us to be exactly who we are and we just need to live in that. (And yes, I am preaching to the choir! I’m just saying what I’ve been learning and what I’m constantly trying to remind myself of.)
1. forties
2. Married
3. HUGE
4. a) feel like I have screwed up my life, the life God intended anyway
b) weight
5. HUGE, I live with constant negativity
6. While I love my kids, and I know that if my life had gone the planned way, that I might not have them…I feel so much a failure for throwing everything away. I have become a spineless blob, and I hate myself for it. It seems that everyone else has been able to obtain their dream, but that I was not. I also worry that I might not measure up to God’s standard…Yes, I know I am saved, but sometimes the enemy gets ahold of one of the touchy subjects and yanks my chain…then I feel stupid because I fell for it …again!
1. 40’s (for only 1 month so far–boy is that a bit strange to type!)
2. Married (second time)
3. HUGE
4. My weight and body image.
5. Previously–HUGE; Now–not so much.
6. While I could say that I have “trust” insecurities because of men (father abandoning me as a child, sexual molestation at a young age by a neighbor and my first husband’s unfaithfulness), I am so very, very blessed that my Abba Father has so lovingly healed me in this area. I am whole and complete because of my God. Because of Him, I am no longer insecure that I will be cheated on and/or abandonded by my man. Now I have to work of my weight and body image issues. I do not see myself as beautiful and am disgusted in what I see. It is so very, very difficult for me to get past the outward image and work on the inward–thus changing the outward.
1 – 40’s
2 – married, 4kids
3 – enough to bother me, but has been huge at times in my life
4 – 2 sources – being raised in a church that put too much emphasis on works (you had to “do” all the right things) and moving around a lot with my Dad in the military I always had to try to fit in all over again
5 – a man – yes, I married a perfectionist and feel I never measure up, though I’m letting go of that bit by bit
1. What age-decade are you in?
I’m in my mid 20s
2. Single? Married? Divorced? Or widowed?
Married
3. How big an issue is insecurity to you personally?
A little bit
4. What do you see as the 2 leading sources of insecurity in your personal life? (Use brief answers please)
Body Image, Abandonment Issues
5. Give this one serious thought: How much would you say a man or men play into your insecurities?
I think my husband is an incredible encouragement to me with the insecurities I have.
6. If you have something to share and particularly if you feel your pulse rising a bit at the subject matter, write one BRIEF paragraph describing specific impact insecurity has had on you.
My insecurity has caused me to be very self conscious about my weight and the way I look. I am very hard on myself. Because of my abandonment issues I need a lot of affirmation in my relationship with my husband.
1. 30’s
2. Divorced
3. Pretty Big
4. I feel insecure and unworthy of being loved, and physical appearence is the other.
5. Because of my abuse back ground men are a big insecurity.
6. Insecurity has made it hard for me to love and to trust, because of that I have a hard time trusting God to take care of my hurts, which leads me to the pit because I allow satan to take over.
20s
Single
A Little
1. Having to wait…for a vision…a calling…a vocation…a man….waiting. The questions that plague my mind as I wait.
2. Thinking there is no plan for me really. That there really isn’t a destiny to my life and this pursuit of the Lord is futile. Gosh I didnt know my heart owned that until I typed it.
Men are only a factor of a larger issue.
1. Early 30’s
2. Single
3. Enough to bother me.
4. A. Still worrying “what will/do he/she/they think of me”
B. Meeting others expectations of who they think I should be.
5. Can’t even tell ya how much men play into them. It still surprises me.
6. I remember being at a point where I was completely consumed with insecurity. I constantly worried about how I came across to people. Things have gotten better but this’s the biggest thing I still deal with.
1. Thirties
2. Married
3. Pretty big
4. The importance of appearance/weight other women put on themselves……I feel they must be looking down on me. No validation or encouragement from either parent. You would think a person could move past this by the time they are an adult, but it is so hard.
5. My dad plays a part in my insecurities. Not my husband, though.
6. My insecurities burden me and affect my home and relationships everyday. I so badly want to give them to the Lord and leave them there with Him, but I just don’t know how to do it.
1. teens
2. single
3. a little
4. thinking that nobody likes me or wants to be around me. which I know is not true. Especially right now. 🙂
5.not anymore than a female would.
20’s
married
Enough to bother me
Comparision which often leads to jealousy.
Not at all. Women are the ones who make me feel insecure.
I’ve been insecure all my life. Jesus showed me through scripture that a lot of this (for me) was rooted in comparision. I’ve always measured myself against friends and other women. My differences would then be magnified as shortcomings in my head. This would then lead to jealousy b/c I wanted what another had. When I did this study I was lead back to the 10th commandment.
1. 40
2. Married 19 years
3. Huge until around 35 now enough to bother me.
4. Fear of people not liking me. Fear of not being attractive to men
5. Very large part.
6. So insecure I was diagnosed with an eating disorder (& hospitalized). Dabbled in an inappropriate relationship with another man while I was happily married and in love with my husband all for approval. Went into financial ruin spending money on credit cards just to feel good about myself for a moment.
1. 40’s
2. Single
3. HUGE
4a) my unemployment/lack of finances
4b) physical and neurological health issues;
4c) grief over my father’s passing 8.5 months ago
5. my father had the gifts of encouragement and mercy, and I think that has caused me to feel less secure about myself without him being near me every day, which causes my grief to be worse too
6. The amount of time that I’ve been praying and waiting upon the Lord to show me where He wants for me to work, [with these newly acquired disabilities], has seemed to make my insecurities worse. And, being “rejected” over and over again, even though I have a bachelor’s degree in my field really hurts me. Thus, trying to be “patient” during this time has been EXTREMELY difficult for me. And, without the love and sincere encouragement of my father, during my job search, [even though I know my father accepted Christ Jesus before I was even born, however that does bring me peace that he is in Heaven for sure].
This last part almost makes me want to “give up” on life in general at times, though. Yet, I know that is Not what Jesus wants for me, so I just have to hang in there and wait, “believing that my promised land is lurking right around the corner, when the timing is ‘right’ on God’s side”. [Sorry, knowing that I am trying to follow God’s will for my life to the best of my ability, I cannot help but answer this question from a “child of God’s” perspective]
1. 30
2. married, 1 child
3. a little
4. motherhood and my appearance
5. my man might play a small role, but I think I do it to myself more.
6. Insecurity makes me not trust God that He made me who I need to be…I realize this, but I forget it sometimes! I know that insecurities keep me from being the woman God wants me to be and accomplishing all of his purposes for me. 🙁
1. Late 40’s
2. Divorced, for 16 months, after 25 years of marriage
3. Probably alot.
4. That I don’t see myself as a good person; Body image
5. Most of it
6. I found it hard during my marriage to feel like I was a priority and that my husband really loved me. Then when he said he didn’t love me anymore and told me all the reasons why, I believe the things he said about me are true. I can still hurt about the things he didn’t like about me. I am trying really hard, but I still find myself thinking that people don’t really know who I am, and if they did, they wouldn’t like me at all.
1. 50’s
2. divorced/remarried
3. a little insecure
4. extended family problems
finances
5. My wonderful, loving 2nd husband makes me feel loved, appreciated and cared for in sharp contrast to my father and 1st husband who were abusive and undependable.
6. Being able to use my spiritual gifts to serve the Lord in my profession is a source of deep satisfaction and confidence and helps me feel secure in knowing I’m doing what God has called me to do.
1. 30’s
2. Married
3. Enough to bother me.
4. Believing I am worthy.
too much time to think.
5. none
6. i have the most amazing husband. i am a stay at home mom. since my life is in the home and his is outside the home, i find myself questioning his fidelity.
1.Forties
2.Married
3.A little
4.Jealous Women (friendships suffer)
5.Not too often any more
6.At one point in my marriage, my husband confessed to being unfaithful. God restored him (and our marriage) and he truly repented. During that season, I struggled with my self image, jealousy, anger and all kinds of things that are fleshly.
Because I was so deeply hurt by him, it brought our my distrust in him and that produced jealousy. For the first time, I started noticing just how immodest some women really dressed. I was so insecure everytime a woman walked by (that dressed to be looked at).
I found myself becoming angry at these women for being so insensitive to all the husbands in the world. I felt betrayed and insecure everytime a woman with a lack of discresion in her dress would cross my path.
1. 30's
2. Single
3. A little to enough
4. The past & being accepted
5. ?? not sure – sometimes, I guess.
6. I’ve been paralyzed by my past and have recognized that it stems from a faulty upbringing. However, I’ve made mistakes and I don’t know how to get past it. There’s much fear of being accepted again by the ones I hurt or who have hurt me. My insecurities arise when I know I may be seeing those people again. Sadly, many are Christians which causes me to stay away from church also. I don't blame them, I just fear them.
1. Thirties
2. Married
3. A Little
4. Body image and critical statements that were said to me as a child.
5. Not as much as when I was younger.
6. At this point in my life, my feelings of insecurity seem to hit a peak when I feel that I going to lose something of great importance to me…or I think someone has a bad oppinion of me…whether that situation is real or imagined. On a truly secure day I am camped out right in the middle of Psalm 27:1.
1 – 50’s
2 – married 36 years
3 – a little bit
4 – Not believing God for who I am in Him. Wounded by powerlessness – rejection as a young woman involving sexual abuse from my father in law.
5- Jesus has been my total healer, we are still in the process, this is a battlefield for me, freedom in forgiveness – and much loving support and trust of my husband…at this time I would say men in my life contribute to my security – PTL!
6- Victory is found in Jesus and spending time daily in the Word – hearing directly from our God. A special thanks to you, Beth, for your timely step out on the stage of God’s calling – your message was instrumental in my personal healing journey. Praise Him!
1. Early twenties
2. Single
3. HUGE
4. (1)Having the idea that I have to be beautiful in figure appearance and everything I do – and if I don’t people won’t like me. (2) Needing for affirmation from guys and not receiving it.
5.Unfortunately, I look to men for everything, though I’ve stayed pure, I look to them for complements, who I am, what’s my worth; I define my value by the attention or lack there of that I get.
1. 50’s
2. widowed, 8 yrs now
3. maybe a litte
4. finances not fitting in
5. I dont’ think any. been there done that. 🙂
6. Since I lost my husband I totaly rely on God. He is my everthing. When my husband was first diagnosed with cancer I went to the Lord and told him I could not even do this, and ask for His help. I’m telling you I would not even want o think of not being with out Jesus in my life. When you hear of people that say they completely rely on God and wonder how that works. It works very good. 🙂 He helps me with every part of my life. Any insecurity that crops up in me I do always give it to God. I think it is just a naturul flesh thing that feels that, because I know that I know that God is in control in my heart. All of this didn’t happen over night, but God is patient 🙂
1. 50s
2. Married – 2 grown children
3. Pretty big
4. a. The essence of me(lacking) physically, emotionally, socially; AND b. financial – have struggled all my (our) married life. Hate having to think, wonder, worry, fret about if and how the bills will get paid this month (and this month, and this month, and …). I know God provides for me/us in the big picture, but need daily/monthly help with taking care of the financial pressures.
5. Men play some part in it, but I wouldn’t say a significant part. I feel as or more insecure with attractive, bright, funny other women around as I do men. Financially, my husband plays a part in my feeling insecure, as I wish he could provide the same security I had with my father and grandfather caring for me. (Not fair I know.)
1. 40s
2. Married
3. Enough to bother me – on rare occasions HUGE (when Satan brings up old wounds and I inwardly panic instead of keep my eyes on Jesus)
4. My husband’s affair; media
5. Huge (specifically my husband who has fully repented and loves me dearly)
6. When I take my eyes off Jesus (which isn’t very often thankfully) I start fearing the worst about myself, my husband and my marriage. I also have a hard time feeling acceptable physically with all the media coverage of young, “perfect” women, and because my husband sought someone else out.
1. Thirties
2. Married
3. How big an issue is insecurity to you personally? HUGE.
4. What do you see as the 2 leading sources of insecurity in your personal life? Weight, being a parent
5. Give this one serious thought: How much would you say a man or men play into your insecurities? Men as a society I think plays a huge part. They see these airbrushed pictures and society tells them that is what we are supposed to look like.
1.Late 50s (59)
2.Married 42 yrs
3.Enough to bother me
4.Overweight and finances
5.Very much, I have never been the size my husband would have liked for me to be. After our farm suffered the devastation of Katrina, his many health issues following a bout with cancer, & a wreck that he miraculously survived, we need an act from God for the farm to survive. I praise God that I was able to stay home, raise our girls, and be his help-mate for all these years. Now that he is in such bad health Satan is doing a job on me for not pursuing another career when the opportunity was there.
6.My size that was a big deal at one time is never mentioned but still on my mind for my own health reasons. My faith has been strengthened through all his sicknesses. I now have a daily walk with God and my prayer is that I learn all he has for me to learn during this season of our lives. Blame and bitterness would be the easy attitude and I have to fight it minute by minute, hour by hour.
1. Thirties
2. Married
3. Enough to bother me
4. Whether I have made the right decisions for myself (marriage, career, etc.); Comparing myself to what others are doing and trying to improve; Trying to live up to my own high ideals/standards and not doing very well.
5. Very little
6. What I feel is the most insightful about my own insecurity is that ironically it is the main thing that holds me back from becoming what my insecurity tells me I CAN’T be.
For me, insecurity is a cage I hold myself captive in… and the crazy thing is, I hold the key to let myself out, but it is insecurity that doesn’t allow me to free myself. Big time irony.
mid 50’s
married 33+ years
pretty big
repeating thought-patterns and believing things about myself that are not true
men – not much influence
my mother told me at a young age that I was not like my sisters – not athletic or talented or strong or smart. I believed it for most of my life and when I lose sight of myself as Jesus sees me, I go back to that place and play those lies in my head, over and over and over.
1. 40s
2. married
3. a little
4. ~getting older
~now that my kids are grown, not having a job.
5. not much
6. I don’t need or want a job, and have a college degree and good profession, but feel looked down on because I’m not employed. I spend many hours with or talking with my children, and have a small ministry, but I feel insecure at times that the world doesn’t get it nor think I’m contributing anything significant. I assume people say, what a waste, what does she do all day, and yet I am never bored and never caught up.
1. on the cusp of forty
2. single, never married
3. pretty big
4. physical appearance and having never been in a single romantic relationship in all of these forty years
5. more than I’d like, since I’ve always equated lack of a boyfriend to my own physical appearance; i.e. I must not be attractive or someone would have chosen to love me by now
6. My insecurities have given me an excuse for every missed opportunity, every broken friendship and every personal failure. If I feel unloved, I blame it on my appearance. If someone doesn’t warm to me, I believe it’s because of my own shortcomings. My insecurities have led to constant fear of rejection which has kept me from pursuing anything that will put me in the spotlight or force me to step out of my shell.
30’s
divorced
a little bit
physical appearance, opinion of others as I raise my boys alone
a little regarding physical appearance; I am thin but not fit
40’s
Married
Enough to Bother Me
How others see me and if I do ‘well enough’ as a role model for the Lord since hubby is a Pastor
Focus on the Outward Appearance as opposed to matters of the heart in churches today. People who treat newcomers to church as ‘sinners’- looking down on them- when they can’t bother to look in the mirror and see what the Lord had brought them out of. (both having to do with insecurity)
37
Single, never married
Pretty Big
Weight issues (the world considers you plus size if you are not under size 10); having to justify why I am single to others who are insensitive.
Somewhat – I feel unattractive because I am not married & get rejected by guys. Most of the men my age are so set in their ways that it seems pointless to date them.
Insecurity over the years has kept me from discovering my true potential & God-given talents. I wish I wouldn't have cared so much about what people thought of me. It can lead you into a pit of anxiety and depression.
1. 30,s
2. married
3. A little
4. physical appearance & academic intelligence
5. Women play the biggest part of my insecurities
6. I feel like I'm not good enough to perform in my studies, at work and at church. I know its a lie but I fear that someone is gonna blow my cover and yell: cat's out of the bag!
1. Twenties
2. Married
3. A little
4. Finances and friendships with women
5. Men don’t affect my insecurities
1. 37
2. Married
3. a little
4. intelligence
5. not really
6. I don’t think I sound smart enough sometimes since I am not well versed therefore, I feel people judge me as not being smart.
1. late 30’s
2. married
3. a little
4. intelligence, my body
5. not really
6. I am well educated but I am not well versed therefore, I think people see me as not being too smart. I hate my cellulite I can’t get rid of it so I hardly wear shorts but I love the rest of me!
1. 50
2. Married.
3. Huge.
4. Relationships; appearance.
5. Yes. My parents divorced when I was 10 and then my mom went through 2 more divorces and my dad another divorce also…….
6. Always feeling eveything is my fault somehow, and it is my responsibility to fix it so everyone is happy, to take care of things, control things…….. but reminding myself that God is my Fortress, my Deliverer, my Abba… and living coram Deo, sweet relief……..
1. Thirties
2. Married
3. Enough to bother me
4. Physical apperance past childhood experiences
5. Men and women equally
1. 30’s
2. Married
3. HUGE
4. Fear (rejection, not being pretty enough)
My ability to parent well
5. Men play into this somewhat, but women do more.
6. It can paralyze me…make me feel I am not up to par as a mom, wife or friend. I too often fall prey to seeing myself through the world’s eyes rather than through Christ’s.
1. 50’s
2. married
3. Pretty big
4. Unhealthy childhood,
marriage, and shame.
5. A major role.
6. Poor choices, fear, people-pleasing, not having strength and wisdom to leave a bad marriage. I am paying a big price for my choices in the lives of my sons and daughters. Outwardly, I probably come across as doing alright; I have a broken heart and without God I couldn’t face another day.
Your studies have been a lifeline drawing me close to my Heavenly Father. Thank-you for caring.
1. 50
2. M
3. big issue!
4. I spent lots of time on these answers. I had them all typed out and I just deleted them. I am so insecure that I think someone might recognize me by what I post, so I took it off. How is that for being insecure? And for heaven’s sake, it is supposed to be anonymous!!! I’m praying someone else will write what I am feeling. Thanks for doing this survey, Beth
1. fifties
2. married
3. prety big: used to be huge
4. overweight & not feeling good enough in any aspect of my life.
5. a lot! an abusive relationship with father as a child and married to a man who is a perfectionist.
6. hate the way being overweight causes you to be obsessed with how you look. Puts all your focus in that area and when you feel like a failure in that area, makes you measure everything else you do against it. sets you up to thinking you are a failure in everything else you do.
40s
married
enough to bother me
being critical of myself and comparing myself
my first reaction was that men in particular wouldn’t but that anyone close to me would. however, the more I thought about this, I realized that the one who shredded my security was my father (physical, sexual, mental abuse) and the one who restored it (by God’s grace) was a godly man. Not christian but a godly man nevertheless. I was blessed to work for him for 12 years and he became my real father in my eyes. In my relationship with my dh, as much as I would hate to admit it, he does have the power to make me see myself as a worthy or unworthy person. Could this be part of the curse? I don’t feel that close friends have as much power in that area as my dh but then again I don’t have any close friends so can’t speak from experience. Now, if we’re talking about men in general, then, no, they don’t contribute in any way to my security nor my insecurity.
1. late thirties
2. married almost 14 yrs
3. Enough to bother me;
4. (#1)relationship w/ my dad growing up and (#2) listening to advertisers
5. quite a bit
1. I’m 20 years old.
2. Single.
3. A little.
4. Fear of abandonment; Past experiences.
5. Very much so. My biological father is a drug addict and only comes in to my life occasionally. My stepfather has emotionally abused me all my life. An older cousin sexually abused me in my own bed. These experiences with the men in my life have caused me to have trust issues with men and make relationships difficult.
6.
1. early 30’s
2. married first baby due anyday
3.HUGE
4. My ability to please others and my looks
5. Once I found the man that God had planned for me, my insecurities went away very fast. However, I never want to embarress him or make him look bad.
6.I can be very defensive at times even when it’s not called for.