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You, my darling Siestas, have become an invaluable resource to this teaching ministry and outreach to women. I’d love to hear from you again on something God keeps talking to me about and going way out of His way to show me. It’s the issue of insecurity in women. I’ve mentioned it in several Bible studies and at various events but I’ve never taken concentrated time (never had it to take!) to pounce on it and really explore it as a topic all by itself. I’m very impressed in my spirit that the time has come. Below you’ll find the answers I’m looking for and if you’ll simply number your responses accordingly, you won’t need to repeat the questions. Two of the most important things to keep in mind:
ALL RESPONSES MUST BE ANONYMOUS.
ALL RESPONSES NEED TO BE BLATANTLY HONEST! Please don’t answer like you think a Christian woman ought to answer. It won’t help.
OK, here goes: (Women only please)
1. What age-decade are you in? (Teens? Twenties? Thirties? …Sixties?)
2. Single? Married? Divorced? Or widowed?
3. How big an issue is insecurity to you personally? Respond with one of the following answers: None at all; A little; Enough to bother me; Pretty big; HUGE.
4. What do you see as the 2 leading sources of insecurity in your personal life? (Use brief answers please)
5. Give this one serious thought: How much would you say a man or men play into your insecurities? (Use only a few words.)
6. If you have something to share and particularly if you feel your pulse rising a bit at the subject matter, write one BRIEF paragraph describing specific impact insecurity has had on you. (We will not be able to post lengthy ones. Please keep these a length many people will read. I think women will be interested in this topic and want to see what everybody has to say. Personally, I can’t wait.)
After I see your responses, I may come back and ask a few more things if that’s OK but this will at least get us off the ground on the subject. Thank you so much, Siestas, for taking the time and going to the trouble to lend your insight! YOU ARE A WEALTH! And you are making such a difference in our lives here at LPM and the lives of those we have the privilege to serve. I love you like crazy. Jesus is life.
Oh, P.S.!! Do us a huge favor! See if you can get some of the young women in your life who are in middle school or high school to hop on the blog and take the survey. They would lend priceless insight. The same is true for college-age so if you have access to young women, we’d so appreciate you asking them to consider helping us out. Thanks!
Tags: surveys
1. 30
2. Single
3. Pretty big
4. Fear of rejection or abandonment,
and a past of victim of child sexual abuse
5. So much. Sometimes I feel like a object or something to use
6. I’m psychologist now, and I work mostly with women and childs, and I’m in shock to see so many of them who been victim of sexual abuse. It’s so painful, because it cause a deep insecurity!
We need GOD so much!!
1. 30’s
2. married
3. a little bit (only in my job)
4. My man has only made me more secure and lifts me up so, not a factor.
5. I’m insecure in my job thinking I don’t know enough or am not smart enough to keep people at work happy. I’m in public relations, it’s pretty important to keep people happy.
1. fifties
2. married
3. pretty big
4. being overweight and having no friends.
5. the death of my father at age six caused years of insecurity but most of that is fixed now-thank you, Jesus. My husband is the best.
6. My insecurities keep me exsisting day to day and not really living the good life God has planned for me.
-40s
-married, one daughter
-pretty big
1) my weight 2)Scars from the broken friendship w/a dear friend 7yrs. ago
-a man does play into my insecurities
-I’m a former fun-loving, easygoing, adventurous and humorous girl who has turned into a self-conscious, self-loathing loner. I’m afraid to take risks in life and am “playing it safe.” I can’t get hurt again if I don’t let anyone in close like I used to. No more opening my heart to deep relationships!
1. 30’s
2. married, 2 kids
3. insecurity-pretty big issue (used to be HUGE issue)
4. lack of confidence in myself, feel invisible; and feel like I’m not good enough
5. I have a supportive, caring dad but our conversations are surface level only. My husband is wonderful, supportive, gentle, encouraging, and we have a great marriage.
6. Insecurity has gotten so much better over the years, I can see the Lord growing me to be more confident in Him (instead of me). But insecurity has caused me depression, feeling like life is not worth living, overspending, and overeating to deal with it.
-30’s
-married
-enough to bother me
-body issues and personal relationships
-a man can make me feel insecure, but I think more of my insecurity comes from how women/my peers view me
-my insecurities can lead me down a road of manipulation…no one knows the battle that goes on in my mind
40’s
married
Huge
not in men, but women, especially the women in my church.
insecurities have kept me from stepping out and doing things i really want to do, even answering your questions in this survey! that my answers are not good enough,or right……….
1. 50’s
2. Married
3. A little
4. A belief I formed growing up..I
had to look and be perfect to be valuable, acceptable.
5. Tremendously
6.The one and only that I really care about being acceptable and valuable to is my husband. He shows me constantly that I am, but deep inside I wonder what would happen IF I did not measure up in my physical appearance as I age.
1. 30s
2. Single
3. Enough to bother me a bit each day
4. Physical appearance and approval/worth in the workplace
5. Since my bosses are both men, I find myself constantly worrying I am performing my job at the highest level and wondering what they think.
1. Forties
2. Married, with 3 kids (18, 16 and 11)
3. HUGE.
4. One is the males in my life. Past and present. Exception being my sons. I crave my husband to say I’m beautiful. I’m a little overweight. Had trouble with that all my life. We have been a couple 26 years and he has never once said I was beautiful or told me that he loves me no matter. He is kind in every other way, never says negative things but never says positive to me. Secondly, fear of failure. I think that I try to be perfect to please people.
5. For me a lot.
6. I think it has a huge impact. My insecurities hides who I truly am.
1. thirties
2. married
3. pretty big
4. (1) fear of not being liked
(2) lack of self confidence
5. alot in my life.
6. parents were divorced when I
was about two years old. I
never really knew my father
well. I guess I’ve never really
been comfortable around men.
30’s
married
a little
I’m insecure about being able to lead. Starting to overcome those. Used to be HUGE, fear kept me from overcoming it. Now, lead ladies Bible studies and women’s ministry.
USED TO BE: relationships, and yes, men played big part in that, but I have been broke free from that and am now very happy and blessed in my marriage and in relationships! AMEN!
60’s
married, 7 children
Huge
finances and relationships
and my relationship with Christ
Because of my past after i became a Christian. no reconiliation with family members. Finances are good, but always concerned.
Marriage is great but when i blow it, i am walking on eggs again. fear, insecurity, unsure of myself. No I am not a basket case!
I know God is in control. My past is much like yours.
-40’s
-single professional
-a little
-mostly insecure around Christian women and how they view me…but that’s from the enemy, I just have to fight it a lot…
1. 49
2. Divorced
3. HUGE
4. (1) Fear (2) Crippling self-consciousness about appearance, primarily but not limited to weight.
5. I want to please desperately, probably because I felt I could never please my dad. I am terrified to make decisions, because I am afraid of making mistakes, which when I was a child, I believed would make my dad love me less.
6. In a word, for me insecurity is PARALYZING. Imagine being nearly 50 and waiting for your life to start because you’re too afraid to move. Imagine staying with an abusive, adulterous alcoholic for 20 years,believing you deserved no better; then finally escaping and eventually meeting a wonderful man but being too afraid to marry him because it involves following his career across the country and you’re too afraid to leave your college student only child. Imagine seeking God’s guidance with all your heart but being completely unable to hear him because you’re too afraid you might be wrong about what you’re hearing. Imagine being so repulsed by your own 200-pound body that you don’t want to leave the house and be seen by anyone.
early twenties
single
a little
1. my dad has always had something critisizing to say about my looks
2. lack of knowledge of what the next guy i date or marry will find beautiful, scared as we get closer he will realize he should have stayed away
my dad was the bigest source
My family didnt mind hurting me. My God didnt mind defending me.
1. 51
2. Married, 2 kids
3. A little
4. a. Concern that someone might not know my true heart, that I might have said or done something that offended them without realizing it.
b. Insecurity that my clothes and my house aren’t nice enough.
5. Men aren’t an issue; it’s more wanting to be accepted by other women.
6. Insecurity used to plague me in my teens, twenties, and thirties. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve really learned to accept myself more, even though it still is there sometimes.
What’s helped is finding friends who accept me for who I am, learning to accept myself, and most important, realizing God created me just the way I am for a purpose. To be honest, your Bible studies over the years have been an immense source of encouragement in that area.
And I can honestly say that I’m glad I’m older. Even though I don’t have the body I had at 20 or 30, I wouldn’t trade it for the inner peace I have now!
1) Twenties
2) Single
3) Enough to bother me
4) Relationships (based of fear of rejection) and Physical Appearance
5) Now – I allow them to play into my insecurities more than I should, however, I think my insecurities were kick started by relationships and friendships with females.
1. Thirties
2. Married 12 years, 2 kids
3. Enough to bother me
4. My body (overweight) and the way I was raised, emotionally.
5. Some, not much. I recently had a breast reduction and before my surgery I felt like eye candy to some men. Praise God my husband was fully supportive and encouraging in this decision.
6. I love my Mama dearly, but growing up she never encouraged me to do the things that I loved and was passionate about. Whether it was teaching a Sunday School class to 4 year olds at the age of 16 or pursuing my dreams. I believe because she didn’t have that support growing up she didn’t know how to give it to me. This makes me doubt myself and I pray that I can always give my daughters the encouragement and support they need.
1) 30’s
2) married
3) Enough to bother me
4) Parenting
Being “good enough” for
whomever is watching/keeping
score
5) much more than women
6) I feel so discouraged in my spirit on this issue as I feel that, “by this time,” I shouldn’t be so caught up in others, but totally taken away by our Lord who never means for me to be insecure. How can this still be a stronghold?
1. thirties
2. married
3. A little
4. Feeling that I am never a good enough mom; insecure with my looks as I get older
5. Not much, I think the insecurities are my issue, in my head.
1. Thirties
2. married
3. huge
4. physical appearance (my weight)
5. EVERYONE plays a part. Maybe women more than men.
6. I am convinced that my insecurity is the most significant source of sin in my life. It has made me almost useless for Christ…as I don’t have the confidence to follow through on what he’s called me to do.
-20’s
-married
-enough to bother me
-I’m insecure that my young husband also in his 20’s will realze that there are other women out there who are more attractive, more into him, and so on. I’m also insecure of how others view our marraige, like we have to prove so much more since we got married young.
-my insecurities keep me from truely being me. I don’t even know who “me” is anymore.
1. Twenties
2. Married
3. enough to bother me
4. my weight and my weight
5. a little more than half
6. After having my boys, I haven’t lost all the baby weight so people who have only known me for the last 4 years only know me big or pregnant. I am still not used to the stigma that comes from being overweight — and every single day I wish to be back in my size 6 clothes. So much, that I always feel like I have to apologize for my weight in conversations, even if the subject hasn’t been brought up.
We are a VERY verbal group!!! I’m disappointed that there aren’t more in the 60’s range and above
1.60’s
2.married for 32
3.big deal
4.husband’s response and physical appearance
5.men,men,father, brothers, husband, sons, pastor,men, men
I don’t even know where to begin!!!
1. 40's
2. Divorced for 3 years-Single
3. Enough to bother me
4. opinions of others & failure
5. Very much
6. My parents were divorced when I was 5 and I hardly saw my dad. I have a step dad that treated me good but not much emotion in him. Mom was Wonderful!!! I looked for a man's approval all my life until now. God is really dealing with me on this and YES I am growing. I would never step out before and be a leader in anything. I was always behind someone. I am different today because of the things I have gone through in my divorce. It has not been easy but it has been interesting to see the growth in me. Praise God!!!
1. 18
2. Single
3. A little.
4. Pride, Self-consciousness
5. They heighten it a bit
6. It tends to make me analyze myself more when guys are around; I’m more worried about how they perceive me and how important I am to them than about finding my worth in God and living for His glory. Of course I find flaws, then I hate myself and forget who I am in Him.
1.) 20s
2.) Single
3.) Enough to bother me
4.) Fear of what other people think about my actions, words, and exterior appearance; my singleness
5.) Men don’t play into my insecurities very much at all; actually I’m more worried about how other women view me.
6.) This issue is HUGE in my life and it daily brings me to moments of choice between the ways of the Lord and the ways of the world. Sometimes it is silly stuff like wanting to wear clothes I don’t even like because I feel it will make me more acceptable to my friends/classmates/co-workers.
1. Thirties
2. Single, never married.
3. Pretty big.
4. Fear of rejection and not believing I am worthy of love.
5. See #2 :-)–It’s struggle to feel feminine when you haven’t been chosen by any man.
6. I hate that it keep me a prisoner and makes it so that I can’t be used by God in the way I want to be. I have to trust that He still can use me, but probably not like He could if I were at rest in Him.
1. 20’s
2. Getting divorced
3. HUGE
4. I am escaping an abusive marriage, grew up with an abusive stepfather
5. See above
6. See #3
7. Being insecure for me, stemmed from a childhood full of abuse… and made a self fulfilling prophecy of more insecurity; more abuse. The enemy has lied to me all my life to say I’m not good enough, not strong enough, not worthy of love. I’m on my face before the throne begging grace and mercy to stop the cycle now for my children, but my heart is bleeding for the shame of choosing this divorce.
1. Twenties
2. Married
3. Enough to bother me
4. Appearances: my home & my body
5. Men play a BIG role in developing insecurities in those around them. My husband gives me great security but my biological father gave me hurtful insecurites.
6. The times we live in practically teach us to be insecure as women. The world doesn't want us to be satisfied. Contentment could lead to security. True security won't conform to Satan's agenda, but it does with God's will.
1 Peter 5:6-7 (The Message)
1. 40’s
2. Single (never married)
3. Enough to bother me
4. Sexual assault as a child, distance/struggle with men since then.
5. Men have played a HUGE role in it- feeling used (over and over) and feeling no one wanted a relationship with me- only physical. I gave up eventually. But, I am very insecure when it comes to relationships with men- still- never measured up.
6. I have become more secure with age :)…..but, I still feel I can be brought down so quickly by others words or actions. I try to find my security in Christ- alone- but, I still feel like that fragile child inside can be brought down so quickly.
1. Twenties
2. Single
3. Pretty big!
4. My weight/body & just plain ol' fear… of failure, rejection,
not measuring up, etc.
5. Men (or lack thereof!) play a
part… I desire attention from
a man, in the form of a
husband. Since I don't have
one, I feel a bit like
something is wrong with me.
Other than that, the men in my
life currently don't make me
feel insecure. It's all in my
head!
6. One way that insecurity has
affected me is in friendships
and relationships with others.
I am afraid (though less now
than in previous years) of what
people will think when they get
to know the "real" me. My
insecurity also comes out in
the things I say and the way I
react or overeact to things,
causing me to often be reading
into things too much or being
overly sensitive. This can
harm relationships, from dating
to friends to family. Another effect is that because I'm critical of myself, I also tend to be very critical of others. I expect perfection from myself and others, but really, it's a drive born from insecurity with being who I am.
1. Early 20’s
2. single
3. a little bit
4. physical appearance, money
5. A little. I don’t worry about it too much but I am 22 so I have begun to worry about where and when I will find the right one for me. It’s not that men make me feel insecure, it’s the thought of not having one in my life that creates the insecurity at times.
6. Even though I don’t have a huge struggle with insecurity I feel that Satan uses my small insecurities to occupy my thought life at times. When I worry about my physical appearance or finances my thoughts are consumed and I’m not able to think on the things that God would want me to think on. Phil. 4: 6-8
1. Forties
2. Re-married
3. HUGE.
4. Rejection, Neglect and Abandonment from parents… (and first husband). Parents unable to love me well. Body image, feeling inferior and not smart.
5. I was going to say men don’t play into it, but my mother treated they boys in my family better than the girls, so I guess they do! But I am more insecure about girlfriends’ rejection and abandonment…and honestly, my current husband, too!
There were 520 comments above mine, so obviously this is a HUGE issue for all of us! I love you all and think you are beautiful inside and out! I’m praying for some big-time healing!
1. Forties
2. Single-never married
3. Enough to bother me
4. Unhealthy parents whose divorce began when i was 10 and the lies that resulted from that.
5. Very little
6. Insecurity used to be a much broader brushstroke across my past. Imagine feeling like a 12 year old (15 on a good day) most of your life. Ugh! Even though my faith matured over the years – the little girl in me did not. I praise God for revealing my severe depression at age 40 which led to seeking medical help and counseling for the last 18 months. He’s healing and growing me–I’m in my 20’s now and life is beautiful! =)
1. thirties
2. married, 3 kids
3. huge
4. fear of rejection, fear of failure
5. men play no more of a role in it than the women in my life do.
6. i struggle with fear and anxiety A LOT. It keeps me from doing things like dramas and singing at church, which I love but can’t get over the stage fright (going back to fear of rejection). I think my anxiety might be biological but I have never been evaluated for that. I fear that too, and what people would think of me if I took medication for the anxiety.
30’s
single
enough to bother me
leading cause is my weight. gained a lot after several hard years (lost both parents) but came to the Lord through it. however, i have no self confidence when it comes to men.
1. 40’s
2. married
3. Enough to bother me.
4. My biggest sources of insecurities stem from wanting to be 90 pounds even though I know it wouldn’t be healthy and the fact that my job was eliminated a few years ago and I haven’t been able to find anything equivalent so I feel like a failure.
5. Men play an almost inperceptible role. The big players are women.
6. While it’s so much better, there have been times when insecurity played such a huge role that I was practially paralyzed by it. I wouldn’t go anywhere in my 20’s unless my hair and make-up were perfect (yeah, right) and if I wasn’t pleased with the outcome, I would stay home. I found myself judging others harshly because I was certain they were judging me equally as harshly, if not more. It was almost debilitating.
1. Fifties
2. Married
3. HUGH
4. abandonment issues and low
self esteem
5. men play a large part
6. I think my insecurities have deep roots from my childhood sexual abuse. While I have healed a great deal at times I find that I sometimes fall into old behavior, which become self- fulfilling.
Thirties
Married 2 kids
HUGE
Being a good wife
Getting attention from every other man but mine.
For over 12 months – I have barricaded myself to church and home in hopes to get my husband to love me and restore my marriage. Have had numerous male coworker (friends) that have turned sour on me. Was never able to bond with other women at work.
1. 40’s
2. Married
3. Enough to bother me
4. Physical appearance… weight, hair, clothing
My abilities compared with other women
5. I rarely feel insecure around men… 95% of the time
it’s other women that intimidate me
1. Teenager
2. Single
3. Pretty Big
4. Selfimage, perfectionist
5. i dont get this one… = )sorry
6. School is full of things to compare yourself to, its almost impossible not to be jealous of one thing or another
1. 57
2. married 37 years, 2 kids,
3. Enough to bother me
4. Fear and Fear
5. very little as I have been really loved well by the same man for 37 years
6. Anxiety has seemed to take over my life. On the outside I appear to be fine but on the inside I am fearful of so many things. I have so many reasons to feel totally secure and yet I never do.
1)mid-twenties
2)single
3)HUGE
4)the size on the tag of my jeans; living up to other people’s expectations of me and who they think i should be (or at least that person i create in my mind that I THINK they are thinking i should be)
5)a LOT.(probably equal w/women depending on subject matter)
6)dad w/ a joking personality started my self-loathing in middle school (worrying about the size of my back-side) which led me to be obsessed with my size compared to other girls…and eating issues that lasted through college. i HATE that i wasted so many years believing in God, but not BELIEVING HIM.
late 30’s
married, 3 boys
Pretty Big
Awful Fear of not fulling God’s purpose for my life. Fear of failing Him.
Quite a bit
Care too much how others view me. My passion usually comes out all wrong and I am misunderstood and tortured for days after I spoke. When I am a size 8 more secure than a size 14. Usually in middle and hate it. Women bug me bad, but I love them. I want godly, respected men to like me and find me to be smart and genuine. Bad relationship w/brother and father.
OK, here goes: (Women only please)
1. Thirties
2. Married
3. Enough to bother me.
4. My parenting, my physical attributes (looks and weight), and my abilities (or lack there of). Sorry, I had to list three – I couldn’t leave one out.
5. I actually think that my relationship with my husband decreases my insecurities. I have a lot more confidence now (due in part to knowing how valued I am by him) than I did before he was in the picture.
1. 30’s
2. married
3. a little
4. ~motherhood and myself allowing me to be limited by that, I allowed that to define me for so long that when I started being in a professional setting again, I personally underestimated myself.
~comparing myself to friends who are beautiful and together and have the kid thing going too!
5. Men and my insecurities; my husband is incredible, wonderful Dad and provider, I just need him to recognize and I guess value all I do. I don’t verbalize that too often, but it’s true.
6. I usually don’t think about my insecurities much. I think I push them away usually. BUT, odd this questionaire comes today…I was offered a job promotion of sorts w/ the local community college and immediately my thoughts were, “I am not together enough, I’m not good enough…” As I drove to pick up the teenagers from school I thought, “WHY AM I NOT MORE COFIDENT?” Why don’t I believe in myself, the person who offered me the job does.
40’s
married,2kids,2 grandkids
enough to bother me
my own view of myself when compared to others; past hurts and betryals by others
pretty big because I was treated ugly and wrong by men in my life that I cared about early on in my life
as I began dating at 16, I found that men were after 1 thing and since I felt so low about myself anyway I took it as they wanted me really cared, and did matter to someone after all.
1. 30’s
2. Married with kids
3. Enough to bother me…sometimes it bothers me HUGE
4. Finances and Not knowing what other people think about me
5. some – only because men are not always the best at communicating their thoughts…
6. I worry a lot about what others think..such as “did I say too much” or “Am I doing this right.” The hardest thing is knowing what God has called you to do..and those whom God has put in authority over you life, never communicating any type of affirmation or encouragment about what I am doing. Makes me second guess myself and the ministry.