I think it’s time to say something. I’m going to keep it pretty short because I’m not ready to go long on it. Still processing it. Still trying to figure things out. One day maybe I’ll write on it with some length and depth but not until God has done a longer and deeper work in me.
I’ve been through the identity crisis of my adult life in the last year. No exaggeration. It has been one of the most excruciating things I have ever endured. After a lifetime of belonging – which, in itself, betrays a certain privilegeĀ – I tumbled into a season marked by the most alien sense of unbelonging. Some of it was imagined. Some of it was startlingly real. Some of it was temporary. Some of it painfully endures. I disappointed people I’d so wanted to please and I was disappointed by people I demanded to be heroic.Ā In some very painful respects, I’d given the benefit of the doubt where I shouldn’t have and withheld it in a few places worthy ofĀ it.
NumbersĀ of us who’d previously aligned and agreed – not on everything but on enough – were cracking and crumbling. SomeĀ people I thought I knew felt like strangers to me and I, to them. Each of us Christian, some of us would talk and talk and truly attemptĀ to understand one another only to hang up or walk away exasperated, incapable ofĀ grasping the other’s view. New teams were forming and I felt like I was slipping on ice, scrambling to find the right one. Ā The one that would always be right on everything.
A fog had cleared that I couldn’t cloud back up. Ā I saw things I couldn’t unsee and, for a while, a dark cloud descended where that fog had been. I had the unshakable sense that, though it was dark, I was not to shut my eyes. That I’d see more in that dark place than I’d seen in years of sun-up.
Still navigating some of it. Still trying to keep my eyes open.
And mostly to things that need changing in myself. Ways I’ve been kidding myself. Ways I’ve been part of the problem instead of the solution. Ways I’ve been a coward. A people pleaser. A crowd pleaser. Ways I’ve been acceptably Christian in many circles maybe, but not Christlike. Make no mistake. There can be a wide gulf fixed between those two things.
My entire identity has been steeped in the church. In a people, not bricks and mortar. Started serving the church in 6th grade when I’d graduated out of VBS and began helping the grown ups. Church has been good to me, a harbor amid the stormy unstable home life of my upbringing. I have no horror stories about church. I’ve known love, acceptance, forgiveness, grace and growth in each congregation and never loved a church more than the one I’m presently part of. I can’t imagine life without church. I will serve it till I die.
But my identity is having to be reshaped in Christ alone. He alone cannot change. He alone remains unswayed. He alone is Savior. He alone can take the pressure of being adored. Everyone else we set up high is just another Humpty Dumpty waiting to fall.
I am sanguine to the bone. I love a group. I love my friends. I love my associates. I love familiarity. I love knowing what to expect and getting it. I love being able to fill in a sentence like this with confidence: I am a ____________________.
But the only label I know for certain I want to wear is this one: Jesus-follower. I want to go with Jesus. When pilgrimage gets to be a group fare, fabulous. Nothing is more fun to me. But when pilgrimage with Him requires more aloneness or more traversing with unfamiliar sojourners who make me feel awkward, that has to be just fine, too.
I want to do people good. I want to go to those margins where people need the gospel most. I want to love. Sacrifice. Wrestle. Change. I don’t just want to go where I feel like I belong. I just want to go where Jesus points.
Months into this ridiculous identity crisis, it turns out I didn’t lose as many friends or as much community as I feared. But what I lost was my naivety.
Good riddance I guess. Good but hard riddance.
I want to be brave for the sake of the gospel. Too much is at stake and too many people dying and suffering to take the cheap route. This was meant all along to cost us something.
Maybe fitting isn’t the point. The fact is, we don’t fit here. We fit someplace we’ve never been.Ā Maybe the holes we feel in our lives aren’t all supposed to be filled. Let them sit there awhile and ache. Let them sit there awhile and speak. Maybe they’ve got something to say.
Lori says,
“Thank you for your beautifully crafted words which echo my heart. He alone is worthy. Thank you for the reminder. I stand with you as we all run to Him.”
We have never met but I sure do love you! I have watched you on this journey. I have prayed for you so often this past year. It must have been tough. I appreciate your willingness to share. Love you so! God has good things planned! Praying for you as you walk in unfamiliar places. You are loved!
God bless your candor and authenticity. Praying for your peace as you walk through this season of epiphany .Thank you for sharingHIS message in truth.
Beth, your studies are anointed. I have to share a story. My sister had been addicted to drugs about 30 years, went to prison twice and was very much affected emotionally, mentally and spiritually by that life. She went through a drug program in prison and has been clean for at least 6 years. When she got out God answered my parents prayers to see her clean and changed. The Lord made a way for her to take care of both my parents [retired pastors] through hospice care. She spent two years caring for my dad after my mother passed. During this time my father fed her the word of God. When he passed she was so hungry to learn more. I got 7 of my family members together and we studied David a Heart like His. Your anointing came through those videos. My sister could not contain her aloud verbal praises. She still has a way to go but you came in and watered the seed that had been planted in her since childhood, but never listened to because of the devil’s lies. You Mrs. Beth are a mightily used woman of God. Your personality echos God’s plan in action. Thank you for answering to your call. I have learned so much from your studies.
I am so surprised yet so thankful to find I’m not alone in feeling like I’m alone, and frankly, a little lost. I love Jesus so much and want desperately to follow Him wherever, whenever. He must be preparing His kids for the next phase. Dearest Beth, I’m of the opinion you’re dead on and God is preparing you for something bigger. Dearest sisters, I pray we lift each other up in prayer and love and support each other. Jesus is coming.
Thank you. I have connected with each of your studies and have seen you in person a number of times. I appreciate your vulnerability. What you say has deeply resonated with me
Beth,
Two movies I want you to watch this weekend. Risen – I’m sure you’ve seen it. There are 2 scenes in the movie that I have watched over and over. The last third of the movie Clavius asks one of the disciples why they follow. As Jesus touches and heals the Leper, he says, “thats why.” Then the last scene with Clavius and Jesus conversation. Powerful words, Clavius, ” I cannot reconcile what I see with the world as I know it.” Jesus response, “know God.” Second movie, Return of the King – Again, you’ve probably seen it. First the scene when Frodo and Sam’s eyes meet after recovering from the last great battle. It is a look of unspoken understanding when you’ve fought in the battle together. And at the end, Frodo has a pain, a scar that is a reminder of the battle. Visuals to what you’ve expressed in words.
Your voice matters. You are not alone. We follow because Jesus touches lepers, still. There are many whose eyes would meet yours and share the pain of the battle. You are right, there are just things you cannot unsee. We are changed forever. I have learned under your teaching for decades, and fought the same battles in my own church, and various ministries for 35+ years. I resonated with this post and your recent months on Twitter more than ever before. I hear the shift in your voice. Stay in the game, stay brave. Your sisters are with you. Jill Briscoe’s words from the If Gathering this past year… again worth the watch, it’s on Youtube. All the way home, all the way home, all the way home. How I wish I could take you out to coffee and encourage you. Thank you for your transparency. My heart was encouraged greatly. Love you, sister! Kath
Wow can I relate to this. I have been in the same place for the last 9 months. Friends and family have taken sides and I have found myself having left the belonging of the familiar church and spent time in the unbelonging. I too find myself hanging out with people I never expected to hang out with. Jesus has changed my heart and I can’t and won’t change it back to be comfortable again. I feel like in many ways that I was drifting and not paying attention to God’s heart of mercy and now I can’t see anything but that. I am afraid for the American church as it is currently being fractured but I trust God that this is needed and that beauty will rise from the ashes.
Beth, people with disabilities live most of their lives feeling the way you have been feeling….even in the church. I know you will not let this experience go without learning from it. I hope maybe you can use it to open the eyes of the Church to the need to belong for those with disabilities. We are commanded to love them in Like 14…the great banquet.
Praying for you, sweet sister!
Over the course of (especially) this past year, I think a lot of us felt this way. So many dividing lines. Truth twisted. What we thought we knew of people, in a blink of an eye changed. Certainly a wake up call for me as well. I’m with you on Naivety. I haven’t had the words. But one thing for sure in this season is to Remain. Remain faithful to “what we have heard in the beginning.” Abide in Him. Rest within His confidence that He abides in you, has anointed you, and you know the truth. “No lie is of the truth.” Remain faithful. Plant those feet firmly in the truth of the Gospel and keep going in Him. 1John 2:20-27. Thanks for letting us know we’re not the only ones feel out of sorts. Xoxo
Makaela
Bethie, you are right… The ONLY ONE who can handle all of this is Jesus. Praying for you as you continue to navigate the hard stuff….Remember: His yoke is easy and His burden is light…. Put it on His back. – Bitsy
Oh my goodness, you have done more for my identity than anyone on this planet! I have done so many of your bible studies and am freely living as a child of God because of your great work. When I get lost, I always turn to one of your studies to point me back to the Lord! Thank you for doing what you do and inspiring women like me to be authentic because of your authenticity. You have done so much for the kingdom of God. Rest in the truth that you could retire right now and you will have done more for the kingdom than anyone. You’re life’s work has been amazing! Thank you and I can’t wait to see what you do next!
Beth,
Thank you so much for your words. I, too, am in this spot. It seems so many are feeling the same way. It was so comforting to read your words that confirmed iwhat God is doing in me. It’s hard for me to imagine someone in your position in life and Ministry would struggle with this. Thank you for your transparency and obedience. I believe you will be greatly rewarded!
Oh that is painful. I like the way you ended.. maybe some holes weren’t meant to be filled here on this earth. I want to be a Jesus follower too. Thank you for sharing
Beth
just read your august 7th post and didn’t see a way to reply. I was in the kitchen last night saying…LORD I’ve heard of your fame: I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD. Renew them in our day, in our time make them know…Hab.3:2 Lord there has to be more power to draw wayward children…to heal diseases.. to see God act.. To see the power of God draw people to Him…His power hasn’t changed… What am I doing? what do I need to do??? Fall on my face an cry out to God and pray for revival in my heart and in this land… Love you and Thank you for speaking my heart.
Sharon
Thanks, Beth, for your honesty – this articulates a lot of my own thoughts and feelings at present. I love your reminder that we’re meant to fit somewhere we’ve never been yet. Bless you.
Thank you sharing your heart, which amazingly describes the season I am walking. God does care more about our identity being solid in His Son than all the other. Sometimes it can be a lonely place but it is the best place to be walking in step with where God is leading us as individuals. He calls each of us in different ways and at different times. James 4:8
Conformity to Christ versus identity crisis: I wonder how alike they are? Surrendering to God means He increases we decrease. Doesn’t that mean we have to have an identity crisis because somehow we lose ourselves in that process? We are to gain CHRIST but we lose self. Ttere’s a crisis, a loss there. ? Questions I don’t know maybe without answers. Or questions without the answers we really want to embrace or feel comfortable receiving.
Very thankful you’ve had a good church experience. My experience has been very mixed: some very positive and Godly and some extremely negative and crushing… Hard to recover.
Thank you for sharing this blog I came at an important time for me as I again face my own mortality in hospital with heart and brain issues and mysterious causes: I ask WHY IS Happening? I sense in an epic battle of proportions I cannot imagine yet I still question my identity, my purpose. Feeling so unloved, so devalued, life ebbing away and who really cares? Crazy stuff.
Only God knows and because He knows and Has not revealed, I struggle the most in that truth. It is all in the trust and sometimes the ruthless ness of trust causes an identity crisis for me! Just saying.
Love you Beth, In Christ, thankful for you, believing and working to be happy in Jesus, Deb
SVT! God revealed an answer! Getting help!
You just said everything I have been feeling over a very long year of changes, illness, and feeling so alone. I just need God to change my heart ……. To smooth out the rough edges and trust HIM for everything! I love your wisdom and you always get it right as far as I am concerned!
I just mostly want to thank you for your dedication to discipling women. I have heard the rumbles of complaining and negativity and this saddens me. Maybe I am wrong but I feel a lot of the problems have come because less and less women are teaching their own women in their local church. They have come to depend on packaged Bible Studies and not doing their own studying and teaching. Don’t take me wrong I love your studies, but I don’t think the local church should just depend on yours or any other packaged study all the time. Be strong, stay in His Presence.
Beth – Could it be that it is not enough in this day and age to just be attacked by the world? What if there are spiritual battles being brought from within the christin community? It’s hard to understand how theological issues could somehow now become such a point of contention, but maybe scripture is being used as a weapon amongst us. Satan has used this tactic before…..We need to know the Lord and Scripture and what we believe now more than ever. Thank you for recognizing there is a problem and sharing how it affects us all the way to our self identity.I will pray for strength and clarity as you work through this.
Thank you for sharing! I think I can relate to some of this and need to be just a Jesus follower myself.
Beth, I too have gone through an identity crisis and after two years of suffering found myself at the steps of the Catholic Church. After these years of searching for truth I am coming home to the true church founded by Christ and held together by his Holy Spirit for two thousand years. I beg you to consider Her claim and discover the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist (communion bread and wine). I found Jesus more intimately, more gracefully, and more present there than the past decades of of my Protestant life. I love you and your teachings. I have done most of your bible studies and am thankful for your loving heart. Please now look for truth in Christ. Ask him to open your eyes and ears. The church cannot stay divided as we have known. We are wounded and need unity. Healing and identity is found in the unity of the bride of Christ. I pray for you often and will continue to do so. The road is hard; Jesus’ path was filled with suffering, humiliation, rejection and death. He says if you wish to come after him; pick up your cross and follow him. There is so much more I want to say, but I trust the Lord that this opportunity to plead with you will be brought to your attention.
Beth,
I can not thank you enough for revealing yourself and saying what I have been feeling/going through especially within this past year.
It was my mother who first told me of GOD at a very early age, and brought me to church (Catholic). I had a church home from birth to college years (in the Northeast).
After I went off to college, I strayed from Our LORD, got married, had children, moved to another state in the South, right smack in the middle of The Bible Belt (I believe GOD was getting ready to lead me back home to HIM). My mother then passed and I felt completely lost and alone. More so then, than when I went through a divorce 10 years later. I joined a church (Baptist) and started to fill the GIANT hole in my heart. It took me 20 years on my own, without HIM and lost, before I was ready to be part of a church again. I’ve been a member of this church family for 13 years now, I am so Thankful Our LORD is determined and has never given up on me.
But lately, rather than feel as though I am part of a family, I’ve been feeling as though I am a foster child, an alien, a foreigner…someone they’ve welcomed into their home (temporarily).
My love for Our LORD is real and I believe their love for HIM is just as real. Which leads me to be lost and confused for outside of our love for The LORD, our love for our “neighbors” differ. Our views and opinions differ from one another…and it hurts.
My heart hurts, truly because as I see it, as Christians, one must follow JESUS, HIS Ways and HIS Commands…therefore, I can not understand how one can say they “Love GOD first”, but do not “love their neighbor”.
I have kept my silence regarding my views and opinions with exception to my boyfriend who like everyone else in my circle, has opposing views from mine…it has been difficult, to say the least.
This morning, as I read in HIS Word, I came across HIS Message to me…”Whoever does GOD’s Will is My Brother and Sister and Mother.” (Mark 3:35)
Then I wondered, am I doing HIS Will by remaining silent;
– and not speaking up for the “love of thy neighbor”,
– and not ruffling feathers
– and avoiding fear of alienation from the ones I’ve loved and have called family
Or am I putting my fears and selfishness before GOD, HIS Will and HIS children?
“those also who suffer according to The Will of GOD shall entrust their souls to a Faithful Creator in doing what is right.” (1 Peter 4:19)
Am I to yell from the hill-tops and expose what I see to be wrong/evil? Or should I cower? Should I be a “howling” lone-wolf or is it not my place (to judge)?
Again I ponder, would I sit idly by if I were to come across someone brutally abuse a young child? NO! Then, how is it different? Our neighbors are children of GOD, how can I sit idly by, knowing they are being abused. Sadly, being abused by someone who has been brainwashed by the ultimate deciever, himself.
Why can they not see, what I see?
Why am I alone, in my little corner of this world for which I thought was home and was comfortable in? Is this GOD’s Way of telling me…don’t get too comfortable, “this is not your home”? But in the mean time, “I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”. (Matthew 5:44)
I will also be praying for you, Beth.
And everyone else whose heart opposes the masses, and feel alienated.
In HIS Name, GOD Bless!
Oh Beth, this has been my story for the past few months… and I cried as I read this, because of how identical the struggle has been – it’s like you took pages out of my journal, and suddenly I feel understood. Raised in the church all my life, I didn’t think I had it all figured out; but I was sure my relationship with God was solid, and there was always such a sweetness and closeness. And then, things I had clung to my entire life – good things and relationships, began to shift and change and fall around me. I learned things I didn’t want to know. My heart was broken in a hundred different ways. Confusion and darkness became my daily covering, and it seemed useless to fight them because they would quickly settle back in. In fact, it seemed ingenuine to fight them, because they were suddenly my reality. I felt like I was in a boxing ring, being pummeled over and over. Every time I came up for air, I’d get hit again; and finally, it was like one giant blow slammed me up against a wall and left me crumpled on the floor in a heap. I know that sounds dramatic – it was. And now I am slowly picking my faith back up in pieces, trying to put them back together. It will never look the same. I will never be the same. But like you said – the naievity is gone. I just want Jesus – the real Jesus. I don’t know what that will look like for me, but somewhere way deep down I can still hear Him… barely. And I know He will never leave me. But oh, how reality hurts. Love you, Beth. You are a precious soul. Thank you for hanging in there.
I love you, Beth.
More than anything, I just want to be a follower
of Jesus too.
( from another Beth).
Thank you for your post. Isn’t He something! Just when you get comfortable with, who YOU think your are in Christ….He shake things up..opens your eyes..and takes you deeper. Praise Him for His faithfulness and His truth endures forever. Grab hold Sister, it’s a roller coaster life.
Dear Beloved: I have been struggling with many health issues, but none so devastating as 15+ years of clinical depression. Coming out so it, I find I’m not sure who I am anymore. You see, until the age of 18, I was raised in a very legalistic church. I was also saved at the age of 6 there, so I’ve learned to be thankful for what I received there as I’ve dealt with the aftermath. I committed spiritual and emotional suicide as I withdrew and wallowed in my pit. I started out by asking God to make me willing to be willing….then willing…then to doing. I knew if I got in His Word again, He would comfort. But the lie of legalism is STRONG! My heart was both shattered and hard as stone. So, I began my journey back. To what/where is in God’s hand and timing. Praying to yearn for Him has become my prayer. I’m still so far from where I want to be. But, Beth, I’ve been watching your studies and events on YouTube and your app. You speak peace, joy and blessedness….but make no mistake, You speak truth and have turned ever so slowly my mind back toward the only One I need. No one can question your heart, and your openness here is a witness to those of us still in an identity crises (I’m not who I was before the stronghold of depression and not sure who I’m going to be on the other side of it) And assurance that, at 53, I am still worth something of great value to God. In Your series, “The Most Talented People Under the Son”, you gave this acrostic:
Releasing Increase Safe Keeping. Thank you for your vulnerability in teaching and in living and in allowing your faith to put you in the “risk zones” and letting us share your coming victories with you. You have meant more to me than I can explain this side of Heaven. You are prayed for and much loved! Karen in Tennessee
All the worth I have before Him
Is the value of His Blood;
I present, when I adore Him,
Christ, the First-fruits, unto God!
Him with joy doth God behold,
This is my acceptance told.
Ter Steegen
Beth –
Thank you for your honesty. I have been going through this same process since April and I understand it all.
After my ‘identity’ having been steeped in church, I felt God very clearly call me away from it all. I believe it was so I could only hear His voice.
I bought tickets to “Living Proof” in Toledo in September a long time ago (as soon as they were available) and I considered not going because I didn’t know how what would be presented would fit into what God has for me now. Your post encouraged me that maybe it’s exactly what God has planned for me. And for you.
You are encouraging others. Keep up the honesty, we’re not alone in Christ and we’re not alone as the body of Christ.
Beth, as one who has sat under your teaching for over 25 years and is blessed to be part of one of your publishing families, I have never been prouder of you than I am now and that’s saying a lot. Thank you for continuing to put into words what so many of us have found it hard to express this past year. If you have come under attack for having the gospel courage to speak up, it’s because you’re out front running interference for the rest of us. Redoubling my prayers with tremendous gratitude for who and Whose you are.
Beth, Several of my friends and I have listened to and read the vitriol that has been spreading about your growth as well as others. And, like you, from Christians and leaders we respected. I am still asking God how the enemy has been able to blind these people with chaos and fear.
Then I praised The One who Guides me for loving us enough to comfort us in crisis and uses the opportunity to grow our faith in Him … to continue to listen to the Holy Spirit and trust His discernment.
You are loved, trusted and respected by so many. Not just for your fearless teaching but your living example of Jesus at work.
Thank you Beth for conveying what many believers are feeling. A drawing to Jesus and away from human entities. I so love the church as well, but have seen man being elevated to idol status. It is hard to choose to be an outcast when you are a people pleaser! But I unequivocally choose Jesus! Keep fighting the good fight!
Dear Beth. As I sit here early in the morning on my porch it amazes me how God uses you I’ve read many of the comments and am just in awe! I thought I was the only one. At 55 I feel so out of place everywhere it seems. I once heard you speak on feeling like a Misfit I’ve often gone back and pondered on that teaching. I ache for the younger generations as I know how hard life truly is. I think sometimes God removes my false securities so I will come to him. And only him. But this season is so lonely I keep praying for a friend (moved 6 yrs ago). Which reminds me of a story you told many years ago about a little boy who New God would bring him a friend. I can’t express enough how My Journey has been Miraculous with Jesus. Which began with Breaking Free 2004 Maybe it’s new day to start a New thing! Thank you for this post somehow it’s made me feel accepted!
Thank you so much for your trust to share such deep issues and concerns with us.
“Shining like stars”. For years I reflected like a planet. I was everything everyone needed for me to be, but in reality there was no inner fire, just reflected light of real stars around me. I moved to Fort Wayne. A woman taught stepping up, psalms of ascent. I started to get it! In September 2011 I was baptized. I am insatiable for God’s Word! In 2013 you cane to Fort Wayne. God blessed me wonderfully. I bought several studies so they could be taught, but in 2013 I finally took your challenge to study and then teach a study to others. I had room for 13 women, but 21 wanted to take Sacred Secrets! I ended up teaching 14 ladies in that study!in 2015 I had some cancer cells and had 3 procedures. I got more studies! This past year I have completed and then taught another group of women Abundant faithful true; Stepping Up; and Breath. I just completed Entrusted.
All I know is this, God has used you to teach me in such a way that I felt gently lead to teach and mentor and gently lead others. And I personally thank God for you everyday!
Someday I will sit down and share my life story with you, but not now. But know this, God uses you to accomplish His mission. Trust God…when I see you or hear you, I see and hear God’s Word and I always see just a sliver of what heaven is like!
Identity Crisis!?! Lol, God knows the number of every hair on your pretty head, and He knows the dye lot number….hehehehe. He knows you and knew you before creation! He knows your name!!!!
Published books have library of Congress numbers! God named the stars!!!! You shine like a star and God named you.
I pray for you Beth Moore, but I will step it up. I pray that you see God’s plan, how He identifies you in His schema. And that God gives you His peace.
Just know you are loved.
Wow! Just spoke to my daughter this week about the crisis you have been going though. She is hearing God’s call to enter into ministry but was somewhat put off by what was happening to you.
I told her that we need to listen to God’s call in our lives and not man. God has used Beth Moore because she followed her calling and the result is that many now know and are closer to Him. This is what it is all about, love the Lord with everything and to love your neighbor. So, this is my first blog response in my life and it is because I woke up with the sense that you needed some encouragement. So be encouraged, you are favored by God and that is ok because God says it is.
Being favored doesn’t always mean life will be easy but it does mean God is fully and completely for you. By the way, this is the first time I have every read your blog. Blessings to you and your family, favored one! D.A.
Thank you for this very good message! All I can say is I think it is very good for us all to read this and learn from it. Yet I also have to say I can never thank you enough for all I have learned from you dear one. All the effort you have put forth in teaching had changed my life and others that I share your lessons with. Thank you, and even though this lesson you are learning is hard, we are all there at times, and if we do not learn from it, all it ends up is just something to get through. If we learn along that journey, then it is worth every hard time we face, for Jesus wants us to Trust Him in those storms. It is my desire to learn as I hurt. His example of Love on the Cross, is ever before me as it seems to have been for you too.
Oh thank you for this very truthful lesson. Know you are loved dearly. May God continue to work through your life as He surely has in the past! Hugs and prayers ā„
I so get it. A couple years ago, God had taken me out of the house church I was attending and led me to a lot of privacy with Him and also to building deep one-on-one connections with people I was in contact with (quite a few of them in cyberspace, as they live in different states from me). I had tried to get involved in different brick-and-mortar churches, but things just never worked out.
I finally accepted that, while He wanted me to continue to learn, study, and grow and build relationship with Christians (mostly older women) He didn’t want me to spend this particular season of my life as a member of a brick-and-mortar church. I went through a lot of heartbreak and struggled with guilt feelings over it, but I eventually agreed to obey.
I didn’t understand until I read this post WHY He wants me where He wants me right now. So He could keep me with HIM, and still loving and ministering my personal church community (spread out though it is) through all the polarization and anger and, yes, even hate that occurred through the last election and beyond. So when He brings me back to a brick and mortar church, I can go without the baggage of this season I’d otherwise have carried.
And also, like you, to learn that my identity is still in Him.
While other Christians may say and do horrible things that embarrass me, I don’t need to be ashamed, only because Christ is not shameful. While I may be a part of them, of that body, they don’t OWN me anymore than my physical body owns me. I am still His and no one else’s.
Some of these thoughts are painfully familiar. I’m not sure I even thought them and certainly haven’t put them into words. So I may borrow your words as I continue to walk and talk with our Savior. What would we do without Him?
Judy
Oh sweet Beth! You have so spoken to me with this! I’ve been struggling too. Seems I end up in the not fitting category more than I’d like. My difference is I’m melancholy to the bone. I do aloneness but I do like my small group to be with. Yet I want to fit in, be accepted and right now I’m feeling on the outside looking longingly in. Thank you for saying it’s ok to sit in this season and let God work. My identity has to be in Jesus. Thank you for being vulnerable with us. May the Lord bless this time for you; may He bless it for all of us going through such a season.
Hi Beth!
Wow and wow! This is such an unbelievable testimony. I would not have been able to say it better and the fact that you said it validates the things that have milling around in my heart and soul for so many years. In a 28 year marriage that struggled with sin and after 3 children and 2 grands, I find myself alone. Yet not alone in that I make new friends all the time and miss my old friends that are still married so much… More the times that we all shared, but in the change of the marital status the status of my friendships changed and well, I have been single now for 5 years. I belong to a wonderful church of Pastors and people. I go and connect, but yet am looking for that connection again that allows me to be God in Christ in me. I am and he is. This is just too simple. If I could give you the biggest hug ever, I would. After attending many of the bible studies you have taught, the last one something seems amiss. I believe that you have discovered the “Breakthrough” that was needed all along! <3 May you continue to be bless in Christ our Savior through our faithful father God! š
We need to have coffee together! Need to hear more. When can you come to Phoenix???
He is doing a new thing! and He loves you and needs you. Be strong and courageous. He prepares a banqueting table in the presence of your enemies. he anoints your head with the oil of the Holy Spirit, and your cup will overflow! Thank you dear one for hearing His call.
Thank you for sharing this Beth.
Thank you for your brave words of TRUTH. i was deeply touched by “though it was dark, I was not to shut my eyes”; as i can relate to that in my own journey. Blessings and Love to you Beth!
Thank you dear Beth for articulating (as you so often do) what many of us are experiencing. I expressed to someone recently that God has been transitioning me – shifting and sifting – this past year. Looking to Jesus to direct and heal – Looking to Jesus to bind up and push forward and upward. Knowing full well that His grace is sufficient.
Thank you for sharing…I have also had such a year. The Lord has put me in multiple leadership roles and through them has used me AND grown me. To rely on Him alone, to want Him alone…to not project my fears/thoughts on others and then be exasperated that they fall short or worse, judge them based on my projections!
Everyday is a new step. Everyday I ask Him to help me be content in my want or my plenty. To submit fully to His Sovereignty completely, that I don’t have to try and have fruit…that it just comes from Him in me. Not a popular stance in my Christian circles (relying on Christ alone and not on the things of the world(including people!!)), but the only stance that is my heart’s true desire and one I will continue to speak in gentleness. To be the earthen vessel that shines in the middle of the darkness with only One Name Known: Jesus Christ, Lord of All.
Shine on sister, He is worth every second!
Oh Ms. Beth, I feel the emotions behind your words only because it is something I’ve walked as well. From the Facebook comments, once again you’ve put words to emotions and experiences many of us are facing but think we’re “the only ones.” So appreciate your willingness to be authentic in today’s Pinterest world. I am so excited to see what messages God’s brewing through this season of your life that will undoubtedly resonate in thousands of women’s hearts and minds. Praying the edge of the wilderness is in sight and until you’ve crossed the threshold I’ll be praying (so let us know!). Ange (LPL Boise 2015)
Beth, you are so beautiful and precious! I hear and feel your pain, while I can’t imagine the depth of personal difficulty you have trudged through. I believe part of the longing for heaven in our hearts is to be unified. It is grievous when we find ourselves divided. I love you and have enjoyed many years of growth and blessing through your teaching. I have found your teachings solid and trust the Holy Spirit for discernment. I continue to pray for you, sweet one! I praise God for His Sovereignty! All we can do is play our part. Looking forward to “The Quest”. ā¤ļø
All I can say is Come, Holy Spirit, Come!