The Identity Crisis of My Life

I think it’s time to say something. I’m going to keep it pretty short because I’m not ready to go long on it. Still processing it. Still trying to figure things out. One day maybe I’ll write on it with some length and depth but not until God has done a longer and deeper work in me.

I’ve been through the identity crisis of my adult life in the last year. No exaggeration. It has been one of the most excruciating things I have ever endured. After a lifetime of belonging – which, in itself, betrays a certain privilege – I tumbled into a season marked by the most alien sense of unbelonging. Some of it was imagined. Some of it was startlingly real. Some of it was temporary. Some of it painfully endures. I disappointed people I’d so wanted to please and I was disappointed by people I demanded to be heroic. In some very painful respects, I’d given the benefit of the doubt where I shouldn’t have and withheld it in a few places worthy of it.

Numbers of us who’d previously aligned and agreed – not on everything but on enough – were cracking and crumbling. Some people I thought I knew felt like strangers to me and I, to them. Each of us Christian, some of us would talk and talk and truly attempt to understand one another only to hang up or walk away exasperated, incapable of grasping the other’s view. New teams were forming and I felt like I was slipping on ice, scrambling to find the right one.  The one that would always be right on everything.

A fog had cleared that I couldn’t cloud back up.  I saw things I couldn’t unsee and, for a while, a dark cloud descended where that fog had been. I had the unshakable sense that, though it was dark, I was not to shut my eyes. That I’d see more in that dark place than I’d seen in years of sun-up.

Still navigating some of it. Still trying to keep my eyes open.

And mostly to things that need changing in myself. Ways I’ve been kidding myself. Ways I’ve been part of the problem instead of the solution. Ways I’ve been a coward. A people pleaser. A crowd pleaser. Ways I’ve been acceptably Christian in many circles maybe, but not Christlike. Make no mistake. There can be a wide gulf fixed between those two things.

My entire identity has been steeped in the church. In a people, not bricks and mortar. Started serving the church in 6th grade when I’d graduated out of VBS and began helping the grown ups. Church has been good to me, a harbor amid the stormy unstable home life of my upbringing. I have no horror stories about church. I’ve known love, acceptance, forgiveness, grace and growth in each congregation and never loved a church more than the one I’m presently part of. I can’t imagine life without church. I will serve it till I die.

But my identity is having to be reshaped in Christ alone. He alone cannot change. He alone remains unswayed. He alone is Savior. He alone can take the pressure of being adored. Everyone else we set up high is just another Humpty Dumpty waiting to fall.

I am sanguine to the bone. I love a group. I love my friends. I love my associates. I love familiarity. I love knowing what to expect and getting it. I love being able to fill in a sentence like this with confidence: I am a ____________________.

But the only label I know for certain I want to wear is this one: Jesus-follower. I want to go with Jesus. When pilgrimage gets to be a group fare, fabulous. Nothing is more fun to me. But when pilgrimage with Him requires more aloneness or more traversing with unfamiliar sojourners who make me feel awkward, that has to be just fine, too.

I want to do people good. I want to go to those margins where people need the gospel most. I want to love. Sacrifice. Wrestle. Change. I don’t just want to go where I feel like I belong. I just want to go where Jesus points.

Months into this ridiculous identity crisis, it turns out I didn’t lose as many friends or as much community as I feared. But what I lost was my naivety.

Good riddance I guess. Good but hard riddance.

I want to be brave for the sake of the gospel. Too much is at stake and too many people dying and suffering to take the cheap route. This was meant all along to cost us something.

Maybe fitting isn’t the point. The fact is, we don’t fit here. We fit someplace we’ve never been. Maybe the holes we feel in our lives aren’t all supposed to be filled. Let them sit there awhile and ache. Let them sit there awhile and speak. Maybe they’ve got something to say.

 

 

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431 Responses to “The Identity Crisis of My Life”

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  1. 51
    Lynda says:

    Love you,Beth! I just finished your Entrusted bible study and it is changing my life. I feel a bit like you have just written about in your identity crisis. I am feeling like I am wallowing… too much inside my head…a bit crazy. I am reminded of a time when a mentor told me that the devil will try to mess with you and confuse you. Especially, when you are struggling to do God’s work. Something you know all too well. I am praying for you and thanks for being such an encourager! You are a treasure…God Bless you!

  2. 52
    Tina says:

    Thank you for your transparency! Interesting that I too have been feeling some of the same things. Praying for God to give clarity to each situation, for growth, understanding and complete dependency on Him as you wade through this time. Blessings on you.

  3. 53
    Sally Quick says:

    Sometimes you are miles ahead of us, sometimes only a few steps in your walk. But I’m thankful there are monuments to follow from you and so many timely voices in the Christian community. So many of us feel like we don’t belong – ANYWHERE. Maybe that’s our good company. 🙂

  4. 54
    lois says:

    thank you, I needed to hear this

  5. 55
    Kristen Lucas says:

    Great post from Beth. I feel God sifting his people to grow deeper and look harder at their lives. We are in perilous and confusing times and I think he needs his people to be sifted and rooted in their faith!

    • 55.1
      Lisa Hyman says:

      I agree. Been hearing this word “sifting” over and over. I keep coming back to Matthew 7:22-23. Now is the time for us to really, truly identify what it looks like to follow Christ and that’s not going to be easy for some.

      • Lisa Hyman says:

        Beth, you will always have a student over here, BTW. Your teachings have explained Jesus to me in a raw, honest, deep way and I thank God for the gift of your leadership.

  6. 56
    Peggy says:

    I hear you!!! Having grown up the daughter of a Southern Baptist pastor, I HEAR YOU! So much has changed in what I know to be Truth in the past five years it frightened me to death! God is growing us out of our shells and into His presence more and more. I know that I am just one of thousands who will respond to this but I know that I know that I know, God is doing a work … even in ministers like you and me!

    Blessings and joy and peace to you!
    Peggy

  7. 57
    Deanne Moore says:

    I appreciate these words and their authenticity. I told someone this week that sometimes I feel as if I’m walking on a wide city sidewalk on a busy day where all the people are headed in the same direction, except for me. It’s hard to walk against the grain but sometimes it’s necessary. It’s usually not true that we aren’t the only ones walking the other way. It’s just that we can’t see them around us in the din of the world we have awakened. Yes, we are waking up to reality. We’ve learned from the Holy Spirit and the Bible and now we are seeing things more clearly—even seeing in the dark. I say these things to encourage you, Beth. It’s happening for you in a big way because God entrusted you with a stage but there are others out here who get what you testified to.This is our story as well. We are living it. God is moving. We can trust him. Keep leading us…He is preparing you for such a time as this.

  8. 58
    sandra deleon says:

    Beth,Thanks for sharing your heart with us.Sometimes GOD puts us in a place that is not easy, so we could be in fellowship with him only. I have been going through a kink in the road with my indentity in Christ. Keep me in prayer,I will be prayinf for you too.:)

  9. 59
    Amanda says:

    I am in this place as well. You have once again stated the feelings in my heart with eloquence and truth that only our Lord can speak, uniting us with His purposes, as well as with each other. Thank you. Love, hugs, support and prayers.

  10. 60
    Gwen Pew says:

    Thank you so much for your words! This is exactly where I am at this point in my life. I am asking those very questions and looking at my life. I desire to live for Jesus Christ but find myself to be a people pleaser, looking to people to fill voids in my life instead of Christ. I am in a very challenging place in my life. I am seeking to live for Christ, but I have to say being comfortable and liked is very entiicing. But it is not fulfilling. I will lift you in prayer as you continue on this journey. Your wisdom, honesty and Bible studies have so blessed my life and the lives of so many. God bless You!

  11. 61
    Cynthia Shemwell says:

    Beth, I’ve been attacked personally for participating in your studies, and a beloved pastor I’ve trusted for years denounced you. I’ve quit trying to defend you or my own study choices. It changes nothing. I have never heard a word from your page or your mouth that I disagreed with. That’s all I go on. I feel I have discernment and will continue to support your ministry. These are trying times but they also toughen us up and grow us up for what’s to come. Don’t stop. Don’t give up. There are thousands that love you. I still do. Prayers and blessings. Cynthia

  12. 62
    Sandra Hicks says:

    “Follow Me”. I can still hear Him say soo many many years ago. Time and space aren’t enough here to allow for the “rest of the story.” It’s been a bumpy ride…and yes I went through an identity crises several times…but over 40 years later, I’m still here! Never regretted a moment of following Jesus!

  13. 63
    Kathy P says:

    Thank you for your honesty and wisdom. You will always be my favorite Christian speaker and writer.

  14. 64
    Sarah says:

    Anyone who has lived through the last year without changing in some manner has not been paying attention! Bless you.

    • 64.1
      Lynn says:

      I SO agree with this statement! I am starting to put the pieces together a bit. These are the times of the Great Shaking. You’re either with Him or against Him. I’m seeing that NONE of us are able to withstand this world anymore as it gets darker and darker unless we are in His LIGHT. There is a “Great Divide” happening in our country right now–politically, racially, “religiously”– and I have seen it come between me and people I thought I had so much in common with! I’ve seen it come between me and some family members. And co-workers. Sometimes I question myself and wonder why I just don’t stop fighting this uphill battle? And then I remember that this is my “race to run” and if I have to run it alone, I will. But more often than not, God points to church members for me to join and relate to. Don’t mean to babble.. Beth’s post and some of these responses remind me that this all is happenin (this Great Divide), because God is sifting His wheat.

  15. 65
    Debbie says:

    I’ve been in a foreign place myself this year. I have no idea from your post whether we are traversing the same mountainous region, but I know mine is painful and prickly. Yet, Jesus. Yet, Jesus. Yet, Jesus is all. I will persevere. I will love. I will attempt to love just as Jesus did: whomever, wherever, whenever, how ever. Just love.

  16. 66
    Pam says:

    Dear Beth, You have changed so many of our lives by being obedient to your call. So look many women love you. I have been in a similar season but one of your DVDs helped me thru it. I’m praying for you, dear sister. God has so many wonderful surprises ahead for us. Saddle up your horses.

    • 66.1
      Julie moore says:

      Well, said! Don’t ever doubt, Beth, that no matter where you are on your journey, your continual pursuit of Christ, and keeping it real with your spiritual children (or at least, we feel like we are)is making a difference. We all have bumps and bruises, mistakes, hurts…..you are making a difference.

  17. 67
    Brenda says:

    Thank you for your honesty. We moved from Oh 2 yrs ago settling in IN a year ago. I don’t belong, I feel lost. We live 12 mins from our daughter and family. 3 beautiful babies. We love every minute of their time. 2 we just picked up from school and they are playing in front of me now. Love ❤️ them to pieces. We haven’t found a church to call home. Something is missing in each we’ve attended or is it me? I miss my church, pastor, my church family and everything about it. I’m driving to Toledo in September to attend your services at the Huntington Center with my Calvary church family. I’m going to be 65 yrs old in Dec. I just feel a void and I guess it’s me. A prayer please that I find that void and fill it.

    • 67.1
      Melissa Ford says:

      renda,
      I am praying. Our family moved 2 states away at Christmas. I left my home state (born and raised) with 4 kids, husband and cat in tow. We are closer to family but it has been so HARD to find our niche. Praying God’s peace over you and that you are truly able to find love and identity in Him alone. And of course, that He sends wonderful friends your way very soon.

    • 67.2
      Audrey says:

      I don’t know where you live in Indiana, but if you’re anywhere near Lebanon (about 30 minutes northwest of Indy), we’d love to welcome you to Lebanon Christian Church Here’s our website: lebanonchristian.org
      Walking in His grace,
      Audrey Howie

  18. 68
    sarah says:

    Dear beth

    firstly you are an incredible powerful woman of God. You are his daughter who has given you an incredible gift and he loves you so so much.

    Secondly I can so identify with the identity crisis and how painful it is when we lose friends or the dynamics change and sometimes the people we adore and thought would be there with us fighting our corner are no longer then oh boy does that hurt! I know first hand what it’s like to be let down by church leaders other Christians and family members. People fall off their pedalstools we put them on and i learnt early on in my life not to do this (especially with leaders)

    thirdly you have a whole load of people right around the globe who love you and are here for you. A whole company of women a sisterhood who are cheering you on and saying you go girl, go kick some enemy butt! Trust me if the enemy is attacking you then your doing something right. I had the pleasure of seeing and hearing you at colour conference London
    a few years ago and i was so blessed. Don’t give up. Keep pressing on and know we are right behind you.

    Xx

  19. 69
    Maureen Chabot says:

    Beth…it’s something I have to remind myself of again and again and again…this world is NOT my home! And you’re right…fitting in is not something to be grasped in this life! Thank Jesus for His kingdom…at hand and eternal!

    Thank you for sharing your heart…I can certainly relate!!

  20. 70
    Melissa says:

    Beth,
    I started doing your studies in my 7th year of marriage and 1st year of parenthood. In Entrusted, you ask us to write names of people who have mentored you. You are on the list. Yes, I get teaching from other teachers. Something you recommend often. I agree and love that about you. I love that you are honest and cannot stand an elephant in the room. I love how you share your testimony without shaming your parents or family. You share, to extend a hand to another woman who can identify.

    God, has definitely got you in His hands. He has you on a journey. You continue to wake up each day and start it with Him. Thanks for seeking the Lord and teaching me how to study His word.

    Make some pies and eat some bbq. That always makes me feel better.

  21. 71
    Keith says:

    Beth . . . I respect you for trying to say something that’s certainly heartfelt. Someone thanked you for being transparent here. But with all respect, I don’t think you’re being transparent at all. I think you’re talking all around whatever it is you’re trying to say without just saying it. So just say it. Be direct. Don’t be afraid. Don’t try to make it pretty. Just say it.

  22. 72
    Paula says:

    I am 58 years old and was saved by grace when I was 7. This last year has been the most difficult of my life. I have been married for 38 years. We moved 19 times for my husbands career. For 37 years I have been thanking God for all His undeserved blessings throughout my life. A husband who was always by my side when he wasn’t at work. Calling me multiple times a day to tell me how much he loved me. 3 daughters who never caused us a moments worry. They all led abstinence groups in high school. They have all grown to be women of great faith. But last year my husband enlightened me that he has always been a sex addict. He didn’t use pornography he used strangers and prostitutes. I was blindsided. While our sweet daughters were speaking and teaching abstinence, he was scanning his environment for who he could use. I say all this to let you know my identity has changed. There is only one relationship that is eternal. All others are temporary. Jesus is my true husband and the lover of my soul. He has never betrayed me or left my side. He has never disappointed me. I owe my all to Him. My faith has grown in leaps and bounds this past year and I am so thankful!

  23. 73
    Julie Bates says:

    A classmate posted this. I turned 55 on December 26th of 2016. This was to be my sabbatical year. It has proven to be quite a difficult year, but I’ve come to some of the same conclusions. I seem to no longer belong, but I too just want to follow Jesus. I know a bit about you, from what others have shared, but if I might share with you a thought, there is an identity crisis for women my age going on out there, at least here in the U.S. God is moving amongst and within us. Please do keep listening and following where He leads, as I think a number of women especially are waiting for God with a great sense of anticipation. Thanks for your article. I think I was meant to be connected to it today.

  24. 74
    Ann Trowbridge says:

    I can relate to your struggle. Throughout 2015-2016 God sent me into the desert for a time to strip me of things that had become more important to me than Him. I hit rock bottom near the end of last year and He has been taking me on a journey this year that has radically changed the way I look at Him and myself. I can truly relate to what John meant as he said “He must increase but I must decrease.” Things that were important to me before have no value anymore. And I want nothing more than to do what He wants me to do when He wants me to do it. Recently He has me focusing on my priorities to make sure I’m aligned with Him. My prayer is that I am like Mary and not like Martha – that I chose what is better so that it will not be taken away from me. There are still many uncertainties in my life right now, and a year or so ago those uncertainties terrified me. But today I am trusting in Him for whatever He wants to do next. I don’t know what that is, but I know He only brings good things, so I’m excited to see what “next” will be.

  25. 75
    Pam Durr says:

    SAME!!!! I too love my church family. I feel safe in my church and with my family there. I was shown that I was TOO comfortable. A Jesus follower is ALL I want to be! That requires being UNCOMFORTABLE! I told the Lord that I was tired of being safe and comfortable in my pew. I was not furthering the gospel by being comfortable. I am still working on all of this and trying to figure it out. I’m a chicken when it comes to putting myself out there for the gospel. But, little by little, God is leading and I’m trying not to be timid. Prayers for you through all of this. Greater is He who is in you!!! Blessings!!!!!!!!!!

  26. 76
    Lynnell S. says:

    Dearest Beth,
    It was my privilege to serve as a Prayer Encourager for your Fort Collins LPL. Our group, and I am sure many others had been praying for you before as well as after. Your message was just what our Devine Doctor ordered. For far too long, we attended a very legalistic church and were scolded into fearing the evils of “happiness”. I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my heart! You are such a blessing!
    I don’t know specifically what you are going through but I will double my efforts in prayer. Our sweet Abba will minister to you in times of quiet and times of noise.
    With love and respect,
    L.

    • 76.1
      Laura D says:

      Oh how I relate to this. You put into words the way I’ve been feeling for the last 13 years! What a long road! I still don’t know exactly where the Lord will take me and the title i carry isn’t of ultimate importance as long as I just cling to my Savior’s Hand and know that HE knows who I am and Whose I am. Thank you for sharing!

  27. 77
    Wilma Watson says:

    Thank you for this post Beth. You will never know here on earth what your ministry has done for me and the timing God has used to walk me through some of the most difficult days. I would not have been able to navigate those times without your Bible studies God used to prepare me. Thank you for your faithfulness to His calling. I have felt so confused with all the talking heads in today’s climate. But God is teaching me to focus my all on Him. I pray daily for wisdom and discernment. I too only want to be a Jesus follower wake up each day loving him more.
    America needs salvation and His church needs revival. It has to start with me.
    Prayers and love sent your way❤️

  28. 78
    Judy Gandy says:

    In CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND, ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND….
    May your FAITH in JESUS CHRIST, not in systems, people, or ideology , but HIS WORD MADE FLESH, plant your feet solidly upon HIM! In Jesus Name!

  29. 79
    Tara Lawrence says:

    The truth is that many leaders today have disappointed me…they disappoint us still. They always will. But girl…you love Jesus. You’ve inspired me to seek that deep, profound love that comes from leaning in to Jesus all the way. So keep struggling with this stuff and like every other leader we watch from afar, we will extend you the freedom to find the truth in and through the struggle. It’s ok to not have it all figured out. No judgement here. All I need is a girl who really loves Jesus and His word and I’m going to trust the rest to God. He’s got the shoulders for it. Love you to pieces Miss Beth.

  30. 80
    Elizabeth says:

    Mrs Beth,
    Thank you for sharing that. You have no idea how timely this is. You and this post are an answered prayer in a season of change, growth, struggle, tears, confusion and heartbreak. Thank you for your honesty and boldness to step up and admit hurt. Thank you also for being a Jesus Follower and being sensitive to the Holy Spirits guidance. Praying specifically for you during this time.

  31. 81
    Alex says:

    Hi Beth
    Hello from NZ.
    I also have been through similar – 3 of our 4 adult children left home, having to sell our beautiful family home and now living in a caravan, ministry I hoped to develop and had spent 3 years training for, has not eventuated, and on top of that retirement years are approaching, and there are no savings, but much invested in Christ’s cause. All these things have been very scary. I have felt scared, verging on terrified for 5 months. All that I have had has been taken away, all the gunk in my heart and false gods have been exposed. And at the end of the day – is Christ enough? Am I willing to live an obscure life of servant hood, and not being a big splash anymore? The agony of living has caused me to look at what is my purpose in life? Christ must be my all. Lord I believe, help me in my unbelief. Blessings and thank you for sharing with us all.

  32. 82
    Van says:

    Beth – Thank you for your openness and sharing your vulnerability with us. The more we grow in Christ the more we see relationships shift and more. Some may move farther away for a day, a season, or forever. And that is OK. Because there are relationships at the same time that may move closer together. Life is a journey. When my parents passed into heaven, I realized that at different level of view. It is only with God’s grace we take one step at a time. That continues to be as God moves us onto the next road we travel. Blessings to all.

  33. 83
    Janel says:

    Oh, my goodness, YES. I’ve struggled with identity and insecurity before – this is something different. When you’re looking around desperately for someone to link arms with, and there just isn’t anybody, or the ones who want to grab hold of you don’t look like ones you want to link up with, it’s frightening! I have never done so much asking “Jesus, what should I think/do/say/pray about this?” I don’t even know myself – but He knows me. I’ve linked elbows with Him, and that’s where I most need to be connected.

  34. 84
    LaRena W. says:

    Thank you, thank you, Beth, for sharing your heart. You have spoken my words. I don’t know where I fit in right now. I just want to follow Jesus and live out his truth. Continue to stick with us….please.

  35. 85
    Melissa says:

    Thus is how I have been feeling as well but could not put it into words or even explain it to myself……but you did it…i don’t feel so alone now

  36. 86
    Shannon says:

    To my beloved sister in Christ, Unbelonging is the most intimate place you can be with Jesus. In this season he is further setting you apart for greater purposes which have yet to be revealed to you. Keep listening, keep looking and keep yourself guarded from the accuser. I will be covering you in prayer and praising God for all that is going to arise from this season. Hugs.

  37. 87
    Suey Caldwell says:

    Beth!!!
    Super thank you for this post!!
    I’m feeling this with you… not kidding…
    You said it!! I feel so much better now since you posted this
    In what I’m feeling too.

  38. 88
    Dee says:

    I cried with recognition and relief at reading this, Beth, just to realize I’m not alone. I’ve been going through a major sense of deep disappointment and utter un-belonging this year. And I’m a pastor’s wife. (Fortunately for me, my husband can relate to how I feel.) I have no idea where this is headed. All I know for certain is that the Lord himself has never, ever let me down. You are in my prayers, sister.

  39. 89
    Teresa julian says:

    I will keep you in my prayers.

  40. 90
    Tiffany says:

    Beth,
    This simple but transparent truth spoke volumes to me. My mind has thundered with conflicting feelings for the last several months after experiencing a crisis of not only my faith but my entire perception of life itself. My only anchor is Jesus. If I’ve ever believed that I don’t fit here, it’s right now. After reading Rachel Held Evan’s “Searching for Sunday,” I began to identify with some familiarities that I could cling to. Your LPL classes have helped spur me on in what I can only label as “my walk.” Thank you for not holding back! You are brave! Keep pushing sister.

  41. 91
    Debbie says:

    This wrecked me! Your words make me feel like I’m not alone. I have been waiting for a while to hear someone speak with clarity about this. At some point in the last couple years I have discovered that “church” has been the major idol in my life. I am a PK who identified heavily with my father in temperament and passions. Looking back, it feels like a cruel set-up for a woman in my “tribe” but I have to own my part in it. I feel as though I’ve been slung in a ditch and all I want to do is curl up and stay there. I know I can’t, but I also don’t fit anywhere.

    Also, I have often wanted to be just a straight-up Sanguine but I guess God saw fit to sprinkle in a fair bit of melancholy. These difficult days and my age and stage of life make that temperament bite unmercifully hard sometimes.

  42. 92
    meg. says:

    Thank you for this. I have felt lost in a similar situation and this provided guidance.

  43. 93
    Jennie Sonnier says:

    Do you have my house bugged?? My phone? This is so where I have been this past year! After a “simple” gall bladder removal surgery that turned into a trauma surgery,(where I came very close to death) that turned into months of wound care that ultimately led to another major surgery, this has been my struggle!! I naively and somewhat pridefully came out of the trauma surgery thinking “I almost died, everyone is showing such concern, so everything is going to change” and I remember after all the hupla laying in bed three weeks later and realizing that my near early demise had not changed one thing. However, without realizing it, my eyes were wide open! No more sweeping things under the ” eyelids” this was my new reality. I never questioned why me, instead I wrestled night and day with why did you let me live only to return to this ” reality” and not knowing who I was anymore or where I fit in. It was like a virtual rug had been pulled out from under me. Strangly enough, forgiving my physician for his mistake was the easy part…which was even more unsettling to some degree because forgiveness is not supposed to be easy, sarcasm here. The hard part was learning who I was,where I fit in in the big picture and the disappointment in others I was suddenly having to come face to face with, like a head on collision. There are so many other things I could share, but the bottom line is I have relied more on my sweet Heavenly Father than ever before. It has been a struggle and I am still finding which pieces of me go in which puzzle and which pieces are a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. The journey is not over, yet a new one has begun! I appreciate what you shared today, my prayers are with you and I appreciate your total honesty! Now, please take the ” bugging” devices out of my home…heehee! Love you Beth Moore!

  44. 94
    Connie Smith says:

    I love that you said, “This was meant all along to cost us something.” I have been trying to avoid the cost, but I wanted too much to go deeper, and now God has ripped the rug of my comfort zone out from under me and put me in a very uncomfortable place. He exposed my self-centeredness, and for too long a moment I didn’t want to let it go. But He reminded me of everything that made me follow Him, and He reminded me that my happiness is not as important as a lost soul finding an eternal home in heaven. It hurt and I was mad. It still hurts, but I am learning to accept the pain. It is nothing compared to what Jesus suffered, after all. Keep pressing on, sister, and one day we will rejoice with all those He is sacrificing our comfort for.

  45. 95
    Marty Vaughn says:

    I’ve been alone in my marriage for many years and often wondered why God permitted this. “Maybe the holes we feel in our lives aren’t meant to be filled . . . Maybe they’ve got something to say.” Meaningful words for me.

  46. 96
    Paula Frazier says:

    I have no idea what it is that you went through in the past little while, but…He is bringing us all closer and giving us the gifts of reflection, discernment and sight of the heart in these last days. The changes are always for the better even though they may feel less than that while we are going through them.

    Sounds to me like you are weathering His storms just fine. We need those storms to help us move forward or to let go. Those that you have had to let go of were with you for a season, and those who enter your life now are all part of His best plan for you.

    I do believe that we are in a transitional phase of our Christian walk. Many eyes and hearts will be opened and many will come down off the walls of indecisiveness and make the choice for light.

    It is the right time for us to ready our lamps, carry extra oil, and continually wear our armor of protection.

    God Bless †

    Come Jesus, Come

  47. 97
    Suzanne Waters says:

    Thank you for sharing from your heart . I am amazed at all the sisters experiencing this same season. My husband and I left our “home church” a year ago. I thought I would have found a new place to belong by now. That sense of unease , lack of belonging, longing for a place to fit in have become my new normal. Beth please continue to share your vulnerability and your journey. God is using your experience for His glory and our blessing.

  48. 98
    Jenifer j says:

    Sometimes its the undoing that results in the becoming, and no other path could make it happen but to place our hand in His and with one breath say, “Lead me, Jesus.”

  49. 99
    MarlaMae Beyer says:

    At the ripe old age of 66 (soon to be 67) I am feeling the pangs of an identity crisis also…I suppose these come at different intervals for different humans. I’m not known to be a fan of change of any kind but have in this particular year have decided to simply embrace what I’ve been feeling and through continued prayer have decided to just BE. God made me, He knows what’s going on, I’ve surrendered control (finally) and have had a few days of distinct peace and acceptance. Just know that you are an inspiration, Beth, my sweet sister loved by God and me, and you will continue to be as you lay it down once again and keep moving forward! Love and hugs from an Indiana Siesta Sister

  50. 100

    I have facilitated many of your studies (Breaking Free – my favorite, which I recommend in my up and coming book) at my church and know how brutally honest you can be. I totally understand your identity crisis, because I have endured several over my lifetime, even as a child. Sometimes, it’s just that when we are deep thinkers, especially when it comes to our relationship with the God-man Jesus, most people don’t get it. It’s not that they are not a Christian – it’s just that their entire being is not yet wrapped up into him and maybe it never will. I’ve learned over the years to find joy in my identity crises, because it’s okay. And you’re absolutely correct that we don’t belong in this world and the world we long for isn’t in our own timetable, but God’s. Jesus suffered for us – sometimes we suffer for him and an identity crisis, large or small, is a perfect way to process it and get a fresh grip on the realities of what this crazy world is really about. I pray that you will, at some point, be energized by the realities of who you are. I have 8 grandchildren and 5 greats (another on the way). Some of their mothers, my daughters, aren’t married and have no intention of getting married. In my disappointment over their choices, which have shook me to the bottom of my soul, is not something I can change. Still, it describes my identity crises if I let it. But Satan will not make it so that my relationships with them are spoiled, because in the end, God will heal my soul. I’ve gone on too long… but I hear you and empathize with you. God bless you Beth Moore and hang in there!
    Carol Flohr Giles, an admirer of your dedication to God and His Word.

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