Long before I darkened the door to type one word on this blog, I tapped the keys and typed many-a-word on my own personal blog. It would be perfectly legal for me to say it was a thing of the past because I haven’t actually seen the blank screen of my own blog in a mere six months.
Do you see the single tear falling down my cheek?
I miss my blog.
You see, there was something so easy about blogging in my own little corner. I know that blogging is a form of publishing, so while I was careful about the topics I approached, I was also carefree. I could write about the egg I demolished, my lack of cooking skills, being single, a weekend update, my family, my friends and post pictures galore. For the most part, I knew my reader audience and I came to love them. In fact, a handful of them were some of you.
No one asked me to give up my personal blog, I was actually encouraged to keep it, but when the day came that I was asked to write on this blog, as a part of my job mind you, I just wasn’t sure how to keep up with two blogs. I tried, but failed miserably. I can feel my stomach turning again as I remember the first time I ever hit “publish” on my first post here. I stepped into very uncharted waters, and although I’d read the LPM blog for many years and even participated by commenting, I think we can all agree that commenting and publishing are two different things.
Mentally I had to ask myself what was so different about blogging in my own little corner as opposed to blogging here, and I came to the conclusion that I felt very exposed here.
Not only did I feel exposed, but I also realized the weight of whom I was representing. In my little corner I represented my ideas, my thoughts, and me. Here, I represent my boss, this ministry and most importantly, Jesus Christ.
And let’s just get real, my reader audience not only changed, but it grew exponentially. I was comfortable with my mom, dad and best friends reading what I wrote on Lindsee Lou. Since they knew me so well, my blogs never came as a surprise or shock to them.
I’ll never forget the first time I read a negative comment directed right at me over something I had said. It hurt. But that’s the sacrifice you make in sharing your life, not everyone will agree with everything you say, nor do I expect them too, but it was still very personal. I then received another, and another. At some point, you start to develop thick skin and not let it get to you in the flesh like you’d think it would, but I finally had to stop and give myself a little self-talk. Was I representing this ministry well? Was I speaking truth? Was I representing Christ well? If the answer to all of that was yes, then I had to keep writing.
In my effort to protect my heart and guard my identity, I wanted to stop writing because it wasn’t perfect. How disgusting is that? But that’s just the perfectionist coming out in me along with a mountain of pride. Truth be told, I did the same thing with singing. I grew up singing in choir, but squirmed at the thought of singing a solo. Why? Because what if I messed up? What if I didn’t do it perfect? What in the world would people think of me?
Again, being exposed rose up in me. Leading worship and writing, two very intimate things to me. That was until the Lord pushed me out there without my begging or asking. In fact, I even said no to singing at first.
But then I had to come to the conclusion that playing it safe, to protect my identity and what you may or may not think of me, was to actually play it really boring, and quite the opposite of living by faith.
I’m into genuine, sincere writing. And I feel like sharing my life is the most genuine way to go. The good, the bad and the ugly. And you too. Have you seen the encouragement and life-giving words that have been breathed onto this blog? We have the chance here to clothe people with dignity, love them where they are, and cast no judgment.
God is searching for hearts that are devoted to Him. If my heart is devoted to Him, I have no doubt He will return the dignity to me and support me. His word doesn’t return void, and it will accomplish its purpose.
I read this quote yesterday and it stuck out to me like a sore thumb, “The more intimate I am with God, the less intimidating people are to me.” Ouch and amen.
Truth be told, this community has become more and more dear to me everyday.
As I sat in Bible study a few weeks ago, I about had the wind knocked out of me when Beth shared a scripture with us that I have not, nor do I ever want to forget.
“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” 1 Thessalonians 2:8
In the middle of my throwing a fit about feeling exposed, the Lord gently reminded me why He’s called me, for such a time as this, to share my life with you. Or, as The Message puts it, we wanted to give you our hearts. And we did. Because you have become so dear to me. To us.
So, here’s my heart, my life, for you.
At the risk of feeling exposed, yet delighted to share my life with you, even if the gospel isn’t proclaimed word for word in each blog post, I pray you get a taste of Jesus Himself here.
Thank you, sweet friends, for letting me take a risk with you. The good, the bad, the ugly, the funny, the serious, and even the mundane.
I sure love you.
Lindsee,
147 comments later tells me you are doing a marvelous job blogging. This blog really spoke to me in ways that I cannot express fully right here, but just know you touched my heart.
Keep up the phenomenal work!!
Is there anything risker than being you?! Me?! That is: being ourselves? Again this morning this is where I am: feeling like I took too big a risk being myself. Nothing to repent of, just not someone else’s idea of acceptable; and here you are giving a genuine word of encouragement about this very thing. Thank you Father.
I just want to echo what I read already: I really enjoy reading your posts and sometimes think it is Beth 🙂 then see it is precious YOU.
If we could only practice what we know and preach: grace and truth is where we live now. Give folks room to be them and not us.
Blessings to you dear sister. >
That’s a good word, Heather! “Is there anything riskier than being you?” Amen. I submit that there is not. Blessings on this Monday!
Lindsee, you are beautiful. I love your heart.
Jesus isn’t just in the grand and spectacular. He’s in the humble ability to give of yourself, which you do, through this blog. Thanks for sharing, sweet girl!
Well said, sweet sister! Cheering you on and thankful for your heart to serve Christ here on this blog.
Lindsee,
Thank you so much for writing this. I really really needed to hear it. I started a blog a few months ago. I was in a “blue hue” after a difficult move for our family. I decided I needed to make a change in my life and came up with an idea to do something positive every day – one month at a time – throughout this year. I hoped it would help me make that change – a positive change. I planned to blog occasionally about my project with the idea that blogging might help me to stick with it. Sometime in December, I realized God was calling me to make it more of a ministry and that has been a bit uncomfortable for me. I could really relate to your post today and it was so encouraging to me as well. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing this! It’s like you knew exactly what I was going through and said just what I needed to hear. And I’m clinging to the verse you shared. Again…thank you.
~Rosemary
So I hope you don’t mind, Lindsee, but today I blogged about how this blog inspired me!
Rosemary! Not at all. So thankful it spoke to you. Blessings, Sister.
I am so glad that you share your heart with us…Much love to you sister! May the LORD bless you especially !
Lindsey, I just want you to know that I so admire you for serving the Lord through constantly allowing yourself to be exposed in this way. I know how you feel, which makes me feel so much better about my own fear of vulnerability.
Anyway, very proud of you, my sister! And I love how you write, might I add 🙂 It is fun.
Lindsee- your heart just hits home with me over and over again….so thanks for being transparent and real. YOU have blessed me. Thanks for living life with us via this blog. I really wish I could have coffee with you. 🙂
“Confessions of a Special Needs Mom”
Lindsey,
I love your posts….your insights…your realness…..and your maturity!! Keep on blogging!!
Cheering you on Siesta!! I started a blog, but really find it hard to keep up. Bless you for what you do for our little community here. You really are a blessing! Love ya lots:))
Lindsee,
Thanks for being so transparent. I had an ouch moment with you as I read your very real sharing- thanks again. God must be moving in similiar waves among His women. I have been in a similiar experience (but with NOWHERE near the influence and exposure you have) and it came to me that my hesitancy to be exposed would limit my ability to grow and serve.
We can’t grow in isolation – that is a lesson I’m still learning. Apparently I will not grow if I try to self-protect. I need God so badly.
Anways- thanks for sharing. I like you so much. You are so fun and while you are completely you you also sound a bit like your spiritual mama 🙂 SO cool!
Keep making a difference.
Lindsee, I am grateful for your heart to be open, honest and exposed. The Lord and your love for Him are seen in every post. Be confident in His calling on your life. He never calls the qualified, but always qualifies the called. Rest in the fact that it is Him at work, His truth, His presence, His love. Be faithful during this season and He will bring about a harvest. Love you!!!!
Lindsee,
How precious are you?! Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your life with all of us. I know it’s scary and negative comments hurt, but you are doing the right thing and doing what God has asked you to do. I know He is blessing you for it and will continue to do so. 🙂
Hi Lindsee
Just keep being all that you are and all that God wants and intends for you to be. I know that can be easier said then done at times…. I am new to the whole blog and have enjoyed your posts and thoughts that you take the time to share. I would venture to think, that there is really not one person that gets a bit nervous when you are sharing what is on your heart with others and wondering the response it will get. Just remember in a world that is striving to keep our mind off things that have a eternal difference, it is also a world that has a hard time being real with people. We have such a need to be wanted, loved and fulfilled that sometimes that is all that is thought of and chased. You Lindsee are being real and you are doing it to further our Fathers Kingdom. Thank you for taking the time and blessing us with what is on your heart. Have a blessed day!
Psalm 91:1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I have been feeling fearful lately and this scripture comforted me greatly.. also if I wrote a book, it would be entitled – BREATHING BETWEEN LABOR PAINS!
Kelly, Lexington, SC -“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14:1
Lindsee,
I finally had the chance to read this post…what a blessing you are! Thank you so much for your honesty that you put out here and what a wonderful verse you shared.
Lindsee – Your words hit me right where I am at. I have been leading a BIble study for a couple of years now and still have such insecurity about it even though I know I am called to it. I can’t imagine not doing it but I still sometimes wonder why me? There are others who are surely more called to this than me. But the fact is that you, me, we were called to do something that may not always be comfortable but by the grace of God, we are being obedient and may He get all the glory from it! Keep doing what you are doing…you are making an impact.
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
Hebrews 10:24 (NIV)
Penny, Cincinnati. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. Philippians 4;13, NLT
“For I am not ashamed of the Gospel if Jesus Christ…” ~Romans 1:16 KJV
Stephanie
West Haven, CT
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
Cheryl’n
West Haven, CT
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Cor 5:7 NKJV