Long before I darkened the door to type one word on this blog, I tapped the keys and typed many-a-word on my own personal blog. It would be perfectly legal for me to say it was a thing of the past because I haven’t actually seen the blank screen of my own blog in a mere six months.
Do you see the single tear falling down my cheek?
I miss my blog.
You see, there was something so easy about blogging in my own little corner. I know that blogging is a form of publishing, so while I was careful about the topics I approached, I was also carefree. I could write about the egg I demolished, my lack of cooking skills, being single, a weekend update, my family, my friends and post pictures galore. For the most part, I knew my reader audience and I came to love them. In fact, a handful of them were some of you.
No one asked me to give up my personal blog, I was actually encouraged to keep it, but when the day came that I was asked to write on this blog, as a part of my job mind you, I just wasn’t sure how to keep up with two blogs. I tried, but failed miserably. I can feel my stomach turning again as I remember the first time I ever hit “publish” on my first post here. I stepped into very uncharted waters, and although I’d read the LPM blog for many years and even participated by commenting, I think we can all agree that commenting and publishing are two different things.
Mentally I had to ask myself what was so different about blogging in my own little corner as opposed to blogging here, and I came to the conclusion that I felt very exposed here.
Not only did I feel exposed, but I also realized the weight of whom I was representing. In my little corner I represented my ideas, my thoughts, and me. Here, I represent my boss, this ministry and most importantly, Jesus Christ.
And let’s just get real, my reader audience not only changed, but it grew exponentially. I was comfortable with my mom, dad and best friends reading what I wrote on Lindsee Lou. Since they knew me so well, my blogs never came as a surprise or shock to them.
I’ll never forget the first time I read a negative comment directed right at me over something I had said. It hurt. But that’s the sacrifice you make in sharing your life, not everyone will agree with everything you say, nor do I expect them too, but it was still very personal. I then received another, and another. At some point, you start to develop thick skin and not let it get to you in the flesh like you’d think it would, but I finally had to stop and give myself a little self-talk. Was I representing this ministry well? Was I speaking truth? Was I representing Christ well? If the answer to all of that was yes, then I had to keep writing.
In my effort to protect my heart and guard my identity, I wanted to stop writing because it wasn’t perfect. How disgusting is that? But that’s just the perfectionist coming out in me along with a mountain of pride. Truth be told, I did the same thing with singing. I grew up singing in choir, but squirmed at the thought of singing a solo. Why? Because what if I messed up? What if I didn’t do it perfect? What in the world would people think of me?
Again, being exposed rose up in me. Leading worship and writing, two very intimate things to me. That was until the Lord pushed me out there without my begging or asking. In fact, I even said no to singing at first.
But then I had to come to the conclusion that playing it safe, to protect my identity and what you may or may not think of me, was to actually play it really boring, and quite the opposite of living by faith.
I’m into genuine, sincere writing. And I feel like sharing my life is the most genuine way to go. The good, the bad and the ugly. And you too. Have you seen the encouragement and life-giving words that have been breathed onto this blog? We have the chance here to clothe people with dignity, love them where they are, and cast no judgment.
God is searching for hearts that are devoted to Him. If my heart is devoted to Him, I have no doubt He will return the dignity to me and support me. His word doesn’t return void, and it will accomplish its purpose.
I read this quote yesterday and it stuck out to me like a sore thumb, “The more intimate I am with God, the less intimidating people are to me.” Ouch and amen.
Truth be told, this community has become more and more dear to me everyday.
As I sat in Bible study a few weeks ago, I about had the wind knocked out of me when Beth shared a scripture with us that I have not, nor do I ever want to forget.
“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” 1 Thessalonians 2:8
In the middle of my throwing a fit about feeling exposed, the Lord gently reminded me why He’s called me, for such a time as this, to share my life with you. Or, as The Message puts it, we wanted to give you our hearts. And we did. Because you have become so dear to me. To us.
So, here’s my heart, my life, for you.
At the risk of feeling exposed, yet delighted to share my life with you, even if the gospel isn’t proclaimed word for word in each blog post, I pray you get a taste of Jesus Himself here.
Thank you, sweet friends, for letting me take a risk with you. The good, the bad, the ugly, the funny, the serious, and even the mundane.
I sure love you.
Lindsee,
Such a beautiful post, a representation of the sincerity that God craves from our hearts that is made perfect in its imperfection. Your post brings Hebrews 10:22 to my mind: “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.” This verse is a reminder to me that a SINCERE heart is not a perfect heart, nor does it need to be, because the Lord will sprinkle it clean. Thank you so much for this post. You encouraged me to leave my first comment on a blog that I read and delight in regularly 🙂 Thank you for such precious reminders. I needed every word of this as I continue to remind myself of the courage it takes to be imperfect. You are an an Ironwoman! This is a term a dear friend of mine coined that I’ve fallen in love with. It refers to Proverbs 27: 17. So much love to you in Christ!
Christine, Leawood, “I will call upon the Lord, Who is to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.” Psalm 18:3 Amplified
Dear Lindsee,
As you become more visable to others, the first critical words really do hurt but at the risk of exposing your weakness the wrapper opens to reveal a very strong “self in the Savior!” When Apostle Paul pleaded with God to remove that thorn God’s words were never truer “my grace is enuf for you my power is made perfect in your weakness!” 2 Cor 12:9
When our voices falter when we are addressing a large group or we used a poor choice of words when we penned an article, or when some other weakness we struggle with (even an addiction) seems to get in the way. We suddenly just know we blew it again we wanted to be His perfect witness and our human-ness failed us again.
Somehow when our weakness is exposed we become stronger than we ever thought we would be! Our pride in our accomplishment takes a back seat and He takes over. He knows the way to other hearts much better than we ever could so we just keep trusting Him for the outcome.
I enjoy that you are exposing your human side kiddo! Do not worry you are among a sisterhood here!!
Love Ya,
Betty M
Love this. Beautifully written. I have thoroughly enjoyed your posts on this blog so far. I love how REAL you are. Authentic Christianity is a genuine blessing. Thank you for seeking to display it.
Oh Lindsee,
It’s so wonderful to hear someone (much younger than I) who has a heart for the Lord as you do. In my 20’s and 30’s I worked for a Christian ministry. I loved those I met, I was thankful that I was apart of spreding the word. Now I still do my Bible Study Classes but I’ve seen fewer and fewer young people interested in a relationship with the Lord. I’ll keep you in my prayer and the entire LPM ministry; it seems your work to reach this young generation is needed more than ever.
Lindsee, your words hit me right where I am at. I love to write on my own little blog, where I know my readers (family and friends) know of my tendency to misspell words, or mess up verb-tense, etc. Even as I write this reply now, I wonder what kind of grammar guru waits to pounce on my imperfect punctuation, or spelling ‘bea’ waits to sting me for my lack of phonetic prowess.
When I had no clue what I wanted to do when I “grew up”, I wrote with ease on my blog. But as soon as I decided to actually submit writing for publication, and *writers* and editors started noticing my blog, I became paralyzed.
Every sentence scrutinized. “Am I ending this sentence with a preposition? How would I know if I did? Is there any way I can flag this in the future that I haven’t thought of?”
(Yes, I wrote that on purpose. Stand down, grammar gurus! However, appologizes to Spelling Beas who have probably caught several typos. Remember, I keep editors in business. That’s how I like to think of it.)
I wanted every sentence to be perfect. (And do you know how long it took me to train my brain to write ‘sentence’ instead of ‘sentance’? Dunno why – guess it’s the Texas/Georgian drawl in me.)
But I lost my voice and my heart when I wrote to impress. The sentences might have looked pristine…
…but my insides felt like a wreck.
I love authentic writers who bear their hearts – even ones who occasionally misspell a word, or flip grammar, or write in long run on sentences like I tend to do. Cause what I “hear” is their hearts with God’s grace pouring through.
And I agree with your friend above who said that fb is killing that kind of genuinte blog writing. After a friend of mine lamented that she was depressed from reading glowing fb status updates, I reminded her to think of fb like a never-ending-super-sacharine-Christmas-letter.
Have you ever read that kind of letter? One where the family lives in a place called Perfect, life is always sunny, the dog is always well behaved, and the children are as bright the future they will inhabit?
But what we readers tend to forget is this…
…no one can smell farts on facebook. 😉
***************
Stay true. Stay you.
What is fb? Sorry, but am sooo late (68)understanding the meat of blogging. Broke up laughing about the farts. Youfunnygirl….yahoo!
Thanks Dee! You made my day. 😀
Ohhh “FB” – my shorthand way of writing ‘facebook’. 😉
Girl, putting your heart/feelings/soul into what we do is exactly where the Father wants us. It does hurt at times and at other times the taste is so sweet. You’ll get your feelings hurt again, no doubt. There will be victories, there will be struggles. God knows this. He only asks that we’re willing. We aren’t called to be a sidelined Christian, not sharing the gifts HE has given. You keep doing what you’re called to do, until HE calls you to do something different.
Thank you for being that precious one who shares her heart, who is not afraid to show her true colors, who shares her joy and her sorrows.
Thank you for being the one who stands in this world in the dawning light and shares the voice of our Lord.
The one who shares her failures and triumphs, when the winds blow in the raging sea of everyday life.
The one who lifts her hands in song and cries out for His deliverence of a fallen world.
The one who worships our Holy God and holds on to the hem of His garment,
The one who writes the burning desires of her heart and captures the grace and beauty of God’s Word.
Thank you for being the one who encourages and presses on as God reaches down to take the broken pieces of our lives and restores us into His presence.
the Lord bless you…for writing with passion, grace, and His love!
Awesome Lindsee! Thank you for being so willing to share with us and encourage us! 🙂
I appreciate your honesty in this post and in all the others before it. Authenticity is highly valued today and you model it well.
May I encourage you to keep it up?
thank you, Lindsee, for being so transparent with your heart and life. I admire you. What you shared today through your written thoughts spoke volumes to my heart. And of course, Jesus sat here with me, nudging my own heart, and exposing pride. (ouch and amen, again)
Carry on!
Sorry for the pain you have recieved on behalf of others who profess the Name of Jesus!
Lindsee, you remind me of young girls who get bullied…such sorrow and pain! and for no good reason!
I am also sorry that your personal blog is suffering for the sake of serving Christ and us! May GOD bring you such satisfaction here, that you find rewards for the cost of personal space!
Little sister, keep perservering and place 1 foot infront of the other, and soon the journey will be glorious, in Christ Jesus!
Thank you for sharing your heart, yourself and may love come through and destroy the hurt!
Praying for you and other bloggers.
Lindsee. Thank you for this post, you sweet woman. I have been praying about blogging for a couple years now (don’t want to just jump into anything you know 🙂 ). Actually, I “think” that this is something God has been directing….but then again…And I am not prepared to do this if it is just my “thinking”. The closer I come to actually making some “committments” to this the “scareder” I get. I’m down right nervous and shakey. What if it isn’t God’s direction, what if I don’t contribute to others growth but am a stumbling block in some way, what if. I don’t have the discipline to follow through…what if…what if…what if… Well, I guess you could say this was a post that came at “just the right time”. I had just finished reciting all my “should I’s” “what if’s” and “I don’t know if I can thises” to my husband.
Bless you, dear one.
Debbie
p.s. I sooo enjoy reading your posts by-the-way!!!
…apparently I should also be adding in some “what if’s” relating to grammer and punctuation… 🙂
Wow! I can not thank you enough for posting this! I have been struggling with some of the same emotions you have described. I’m scared to do things because I feel like I can’t if it won’t be perfect. Oh my! Who on this Earth is ever going to get it all right?
I have been held back so much by these fears and feel God calling me out. Right now I’m praying about a calling I feel God has placed on my heart. I just don’t know what exactly it is or how it will work out. I’ve been given other opportunities I need to follow while I still feel there is something else God will be calling me to. These other opportunities still need to be followed so I can grow and learn not to be afraid of the imperfection in myself. Other people see things in me I don’t see and I need to get my eyes open to what they and God see in me.
I am printing this blog post to read over and over. So much of it applies to me right now and I know it will be something I can use to help friends too! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Danika from little ‘ol Tulare, CA
Dear Beth, i watched your sermon on affliction, you happend to describe the mental anguish i feel time to time, and all the emotions that go with it…to a tee, as if you were in my shous….it helped me to find hope again, and know that someone else is dealing with the same affliction…i even used the same verse from the Bible about “thorn “in a flesh…and suffecient grace God gives us to deal with it….thanks, again Rada D.
Lindsee,
Thank you for being real. Your blog post really brought encouragement to me today. 🙂
Lindsee, Something that God is teaching me right now is that my identity does not/ should not lie in school grades, my family, sports, jobs, or even where I serve at church. My identity has to lie in Christ alone. So, even if someone says something hurtful to us, that is not our identity. Our identity is in Christ and his sacrifice for us and his grace toward us.
Amen, sister! Something I tell myself daily.
I am a very new, casual reader on this blog, but I happened to catch this post and wanted to say thanks so much for sharing it! I can sure identify with what you said: “I wanted to stop writing because it wasn’t perfect. How disgusting is that? But that’s just the perfectionist coming out in me along with a mountain of pride.” Although I’ve known a long time that I perfectionistic tendencies, I thought I had simmered on that and thought really it might not be an entirely bad thing anyway. After all, didn’t it spur me on to do the very best that I possibly could? But lately, the Lord has really been dealing with me about perfectionism and revealing how deep-seated it is in much of my personality, behavior, activities, choices, even sin. I really think it does equate to pride. Well, I guess I could keep going on but I won’t. Anyway, thanks!
Lindsee,
I loved reading your blog. So good to read what God has typed on your heart :-). I read your blog while in Houston and now I read while living here in the Fort Worth area. It is so cool to see God from your perspective. Yay!!
Dear Lindsee,
May I say that I am sincerely sorry that your journey on the blog has at times been a bumpy one. I’m glad you didn’t let it discourage you. I’m so glad your here. I have been so blessed by your transparency, your love for our Lord, and your wisdom beyond your years. I will also not forget your compassion toward me as you kept me in prayer when I lost my best friend in a mass shooting. Please keep sharing your heart with us. I hate to think what those of us on this blog would have missed if you hadn’t come…Sending much love and blessings your way.
Lindsee, thank you for sharing your life with us. I love your post and Beth’s and everything about LPM. God Bless You all and May God continue to use you to spread his word. you are Loved very much by the women out here who are so hungry for God and and fellowship with women who love God and His word. Love You, Sharon
I love reading your blogs because they are honest. Your words have helped me to understand what some of my friends go through and they help me to look at my own heart. Sometimes it takes someone else saying something for us to see truth. Don’t stop! My verse this two weeks is “we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved” Hebrews 10:39. Debbie
This was a very nice blog. I too am there with my blogging. I have very few followers on my blog which at times I wonder why I keep doing it. Then I get one or two people from within my church family or people I use to work with that will facebook me and tell me I need to keep doing it. Then I get to where I am so busy worrying about the stats of wither people are even checking out what I post. When you wrote this it just kind of gave me the reminder that God lead me to blog for a reason and He will tell me when it is time to stop blogging.
Thank you for sharing it seems like God used you to reach a lot of people on this topic
Beautifully said Lindsee and I love the scripture you shared from I Thessalonians.
I love that you share your life with all of us and even though I’m old enough to be your mother, you always encourage me and give me reason to reflect. God has graced you with words of wisdom far beyond your years. I sure love you too!
Girl. I know. “The more intimate you are with Him the less intimidating people are” because the FREE-ER I am! When I’m walking with Him and in Him there’s less of a chance that my communication and sharing of myself has the first bit of pretense or ulterior motive or guarded-ness. Authenticity flows. Loving that 1 Thess verse!
Lindsee, I love your statement that God is searching for hearts devoted to Him. We all must keep our eyes on Him. We are here to please God first…and in doing so we will bring joy to others. Thanks for encouraging my walk with our Lord. Blessings to you!
Lindsee ~
I needed to hear your words today! The humility, vulnerability and longing shone out through your words.
My son has been in the hospital for some time and has faced and is facing serious medical issues. I have been asked to keep his blog page updated. I could make it clinical but the heat of what God is taking us through has included a prompting for me to share the faith walk, fears and struggles with the facts.
I have felt so fearful…like i’m standing on a stage naked and people I have never met can peep into my world and I can’t see them. It’s an odd experience and a humbling one.
At times I will feel like I just can’t do the vulnerable thing any more and then God once again gives me a powerful nudge and I know it’s time to spill forth my life on the page while looking to Him for the faith to do it.
I have enjoyed you many times in this place and many times when I made no comment but took away something to comfort/contemplate.
May God continue to give you great courage in what He has called you to do
Thanks for being willing to be “exposed” for Christ’s sake! Growing up I had a lot of pressure on me to “perform and be perfect”. A friend gave me a book with 31 different versions of I Corinthians 13. I spent a few months reading one version a day! It was amazing what God did and continues to do in my heart through that time period in my life meditating on I Corinthians 13. Then and now – everytime I sense that God has me “on stage” so to speak and I too am being exposed, the Spirit whispers to me “Love never fails! Don’t have your eyes on whether you will succeed or not – just love – give them MY love – for love – MY love NEVER fails – just love Leslie – just love them!”
Just love those you write to Lindsee – and His love through you will never fail!
Learning to love through the exposure!
Keep up the Spirit led work!
Leslie Crawley
I began writing my blog almost six months ago. I love blogging, but because I am working hard to represent Christ and speak truth, I can almost feel a heavy burden at times. Knowing God has called me to write does help to lighten the load. He has called you, too. And He is using you mightily.
Thank you for the honest words. I love reading a transparent heart.
Lindsee, thank you for sharing that verse. It sums up exactly how I feel about my BFF. Such a wonderful reminder that sharing our lives is vitally important.
Humility how God loves it..it plows up our hardened hearts ready for the rain of the holy spirit to fill us. like you said it’s not about us it’s all about Christ.
“But then I had to come to the conclusion that playing it safe, to protect my identity and what you may or may not think of me, was to actually play it really boring, and quite the opposite of living by faith.”
Thank you for these real, from the heart words. They resonate through my very being. I only need to be concerned with what my Father thinks of me and I know that He loves me just the way He made me!
In Christ I am,
Michelle
You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. Rev. 2:4,5 (NIV)
Oh Lindsee! I have tears pouring down my cheeks right now as I think about a couple of areas in my life where I’ve been “playing it safe” because I don’t want to expose myself.
I am confident that God requires more than “safe” from me right now. I so “get” the statement “How disgusting is that?”
Thanks so much for your transparency and willingness to be exposed.
May God bless you for your honesty! I can relate to your writing so easily! I feel as though I am the most misunderstood person in this world! God is showing me, you are not alone, “I am with you, who can be against you.” That is our Savior speaking, but I have heard with different ears lately!
Yes, as Christian I too believe in your life being told in a geniune way. How else will others know when we are hurting, happy,or need some one to love us!
So thank you Lindsey for your honesty!! God knows our hearts, we can hide from Him!
The world can be a harsh place, but thank God we have Him to always run too!
As a pastor’s wife I know about being exposed:). I don’t know why but your blog reminded me of a funny story. One Sunday morning after rushing to church with my two kids (5,3).I opened the case to the song I had prepared and instead of having my CD to my surprise there was a veggie tale in place of my sound track. So I quickly prepared a hymn and shared the story with our congregation.I think it’s good to be open and laugh at our mishaps. When others see our genuineness it makes us more relateable, more approachable. Thanks for being open.
Melodye
Thank you, Lindsee, for sharing your thoughts and words with us. This meant so much to me, because I have been thinking about starting a blog for a couple of years now and just haven’t gotten the nerve up to do it. But the desire to do so just won’t leave me. Like you, I’m concerned about the “exposure” issue but also I’m quite a bit older and wonder what in the world am I thinking that anyone would want to read what I might have to say and what do I know about writing? But, it’s the sharing of my thoughts that I want to do so the Scripture from 1 Thessalonians so ministered to me this morning. Thank you so much for sharing it and all your thoughts and for being brave and showing us how it is done – with God on our side. I also loved that quote about the more intimate we are with God, the less intimidating people are to us. So, I think I am going to start blogging 🙂
Thanks, Lindsee, for being real and transparent. I can’t imagine what an adjustrment this has been, but you are doing great from where I sit. What a great job you have (I only say that because you have before). Focus on the opportunity God has given you to reach out to the younger group in the LPM Blog audience (not me – I’m about 40, so nearly double your age!!) 🙂 But someone needst to be able to relate to these sweet young woman, and The Lord has chosen you. He will give you the strength for the task for which He has called you. Thanks for your service. Bless you! 🙂
Thanks for being you, Lindsee.
I don’t comment as often as I did in the early days of the blog, but I still read every one. And I have often thought after reading one of your entries,”That girl is making her Mama and Jesus happy!”
Oh Lindsee…I sure do love you, respect you and thank God for you! What a gift you are to this community! He shines gloriously through you.
Xo
My memory verse for 2-15-13 Better late than never!
Romans 8:15 – For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba Father!”
My dear Beth….no one I know shares JESUS with the rich truth and grace that you offer. Remember his wonderful disciples and what happened to them. You are no less his disciple in this age. It’s all worth it sista!! Revelation 21.
it matters not
if the world has heard
or approves or understands….
the only applause we are
meant to seek is that of
nail-scarred hands…..
Thank you for these vulnerable words! You have spoken directly to me and encouraged me! I have been blogging for five years now and have only told my family and a few close others. My blog was strictly to show out-of-town relatives how our kids have grown. But since January I have felt God calling me to make my blog less about us and more about Him, and to begin using it as a ministry tool with a wider range of women in my church and life. But, it is really scary to think about other people reading my thoughts and to realize that the things I say could be influencing them. Several times I’ve changed my mind and second-guessed if I should share the blog with others, even though I know God has asked me to make it a ministry. But its scary and intimidating. Your post really encouraged me to keep pressing on with the calling I have received! Thanks for being real! 🙂
I love that you are real with us, Lindsee. This blog group gets more and more dear to me everyday too. I come here for perspective, refreshment, and encouragement. A good dose of pure Christian reality and exhortation, because I really need it! I’m praying that the Lord is using me to be some kind of encouragement to others on here too. Thanks again for sharing your life and heart with us…love you too Lindsee:):)
Dear Lindsee,
I think I understood very well what you are saying. I think I would have had a lot of similar feelings and emotions if I were in your shoes. I want to tell you though that I have enjoyed reading your posts and I think that you are doing a good job. There will always be people who like everything you write but there will be some critics too and often constructive ones… It is just a part of life! I sure can say that I see a young, bright godly woman in you and I am glad that I can be your friend – through this blog community. God bless you and keep up the good work!
Lindsee,
We are all so blessed by your words, your heart and more than anything, your love for our Lord and Savior. He shines through you, we see Jesus in you…Oh yes ma’am, Woman/Child, He is glorified by you!
I have a 27 y/o single daughter myself, I referred her to your post when you first came to LPM. We are both so encouraged by your words, wit and wisdom! She has in turn, told several friends about your post…and so, His word goes out…seeking those that are seeking Him.
Lindsee, thank you for loving us so well with your words!
Oh yes, indeed! May His word go out. Thank you for sharing that with me. Blessings!
Lindsee, I so enjoy reading your blog posts, from the “just for fun” to the deep, soul-bearing ones. Thank you for sharing your heart and your life.
Enjoyed reading the blog.
Thanks for sharing your life and love.
Can you tell me who said
“The more intimate I am with God, the less intimidating people are to me.”
Thanks so much,
Pam
Thank you, Lindsee, for sharing with us and being ever-so-willing to be vulnerable; used as a vessel for Christ. It is for these reminders I will continue to press on and lay my feeling aside. Your words are encouraging to me and only help me in my walk with the Lord. Thank you so much!
Lindsee-
THANK YOU for being willing to risk so much by writing on the blog! I can’t begin to imagine the weird and negative comments you (and anyone in your type of position) must deal with. I can only guess, and geez! That can’t be easy. Your heart and willingness to walk through that is something I am extremely thankful for and highly respect. And as much as I’ve loved Miss Beth over the years, having someone my age and stage of life active at LPM has been a huge breath of fresh air & exactly what I need in life at this season. God brought you just when I needed, and I’m incredibly thankful and blessed by your presence in Siestaville. My only regret is not being able to physically hang out with you. I have a feeling we’d be good friends 🙂