First Installment: Meet My Sister
Second Installment: The Functioning Years
Third Installment: The Maelstrom
Fourth Installment: Like Sunlight Burning at Midnight
Fifth Installment: Stepping Out On the Water
First, from Beth…
Last week in our staff prayer and devotional time at Living Proof, we talked about restoration. I told them that it had occurred to me afresh that, for the word “restoration” to technically (or perhaps literally) apply, something had to have been lost that was re-found. I, then, asked if any of them wanted to share examples. For the next fifteen minutes we got tears in our eyes over one story after another and also erupted into raucous applause. It was such a powerful time. I know my coworkers well but, with the theme of restoration re-framed in its most technical sense, so much sounded brand new. I have no bigger personal testimony of restoration from the last five years of my life than that of my own beloved big sister. Someone asked me a few days ago how often I talk to her. I shrugged my shoulders, looked at the person a little blankly and said, “All the time!” We are in touch in one form or another – text, email, or phone – all the time. Or without such generalizations: most weeks, multiple times a week. Just like we used to be. (Not just when we were growing up, but when we were young wives and young mothers.) It is a miracle. And not one I have taken for granted for a single second yet. Gay and I tried hard to hold onto one another through the years she described. Never think for a moment that we gave up easily. Life’s just really hard at times and circumstances complicated. I had my own trash. My own issues. And even in the midst of them, I missed her terribly and with much turmoil. Anyway, humans prove inadequate saviors and demons prove relentless. On every side. But they did not win. Praise You, merciful L0rd. I love you wildly, Gay. And, because I do, I will now shut up and hand you the microphone.
Hi Sisters!!
Praise God, Jesus in Heaven, that in this particular story, my story, we are finally on the road to recovery, right?  Whew!!  As I reread my own words in the last installment about my having to “do something different,” I was reminded of Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson.
Chapter 1:
I walk down the street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I fall in.  I am lost.  I am helpless.  It isn’t my fault.  It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2:
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I pretend I don’t see it.  I fall in again.  I can’t believe I am in this same place.  But it isn’t my fault.  It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3:
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I see it is there.  I fall in … it’s a habit … but my eyes are open.  I know where I am. It is my fault.  I get out immediately.
Chapter 4:
I walk down the same street. Â There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. Â I walk around it.
Chapter 5:
I walk down a different street.
I love the growth in ALL of the chapters and I am encouraged that each fall I took, although unbeknownst to me at the time, brought me closer to a different street and ultimately closer to God and His perfect will and purpose for my life.  It has been that way stumbling forward as well …
At New Hope I sat with Great Hope in literally hundreds of meetings and as I applied everything to my life and situation, there were two things that I heard loud and clear.  I heard that if I wanted to stay sober I must be willing to go to any length and I heard that I must enlarge my spiritual life, heavy on the must.  Without those two ingredients, I would surely fail and I was not about failing, not THIS TIME.  To fail was to die or wish I was dead.  At this point, neither was acceptable!  I had committed my life to God and although my freedom from the bondage of addiction had come divinely from AA and the 12 Steps, I had a yearning within my heart to return to the Jesus of my childhood.  I had an unquenchable thirst to know more of this God who had saved me from underneath the bridge.  I had MET Him there and had grown closer to him as the chains of addiction fell but, like a good addict, I wanted MORE!!  When I had gotten to New Hope just weeks before, I could barely form a thought much less a sentence.  I was so sick and tired and broken in all ways, not just physically.  Through the fog though, wafted a scripture that Beth had given me during my first stay in treatment years before.  I couldn’t even begin to quote it but I remembered that it was a promise of hope and a future.  As soon as I could get a Bible, I flew across the pages of Jeremiah and rested on what became my signature verse, my mantra.  I ate, lived and breathed these words.  Man shall not live on bread alone …
Jeremiah 29:11-14
New International Version (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
At 5-1/2 months of sobriety (wow!), I moved to a beautiful, well-established, highly-respected transitional living facility called The Women’s Home.  Ladies, I was 54 years old when I walked off the street on that sunlit night in April 2009 and I had lost everything.  I not only needed sobriety and a whole lot of God in my life, I needed to recreate my life and I could not do it alone.  The Women’s Home is an 18-month, whole life (emotional/mental, physical, fiscal, social, vocational and spiritual), 3-phase residential (dormitory, transitional housing, independent living) program and it gave me a new life.  As I dealt emotionally with leaving New Hope where so many miracles had happened that I don’t have enough space to list them all, I knew that God was leading me elsewhere.  I could feel His warm favor at what I had done in response to His call at New Hope and I could feel it as I continued to step outside my comfort zone onto the living water of faith.  I was not afraid.  Not one bit.  I was able to work through such issues as divorce, loss of family unit, childhood trauma, grief, guilt and immense shame through group and individual therapy and lots more step work!  Although sobriety remained my number one priority, I was able to delve deeper into what had made me what I became — what the “father of lies” (John 8:44) had pampered and watered and nurtured for a half a century, trying his level best to bring me down.
But God …
I arrived at The Women’s Home on Monday, October 5, 2009, and as I was also on a mission to enlarge my spiritual life, I got on the church van the following Saturday night like a first-grader waiting for the bright yellow school bus on the first day of school.  Remember I had been “raised up” in AA and I had a deep love and respect for the steps and the fellowship.  I was not too keen on abandoning what had “brung me,” as my Nanny used to say, and just diving off into Bible study!!  (That would come later.)  I had prayed many times something like this, “Lord, can’t we put the two of those together somehow, You and me?  I need the steps in my life but I need Your Word in my life too.  Please God.”  I stepped off the church van and walked through the doors of a very unique, yet warmly comfortable and inviting “church,” or better yet “community,” so appropriately named Mercy Street.  It was held in a traditional Methodist church yet the hallway was hustling and bustling like no church hallway I had ever been in before.  I can barely describe it!  Maybe it was what was going on inside of me; maybe it was both.  First of all, NO ONE was dressed in their Sunday best; quite the contrary, everyone had on jeans and shorts and flip-flops (it was too hot yet for leather!), some sporting Harley Davidson shirts and some baring the most beautiful tattoo art I’ve ever seen, although modestly dressed.  They, or should I say we, weren’t all like this.  There were the Nancy Wilfongs too — actually there is but one Nancy Wilfong.  Nancy is the epitome of the traditional church lady all the way from her beautifully salon-coiffed do, not a hair out of place, to the tip of her pedicured toes. She has a smile as big as Texas and sits happily on about the 10th row of Mercy Street every Saturday night without fail with all the rest of us ragamuffins.  I think there must be some ragamuffin in Nancy somewhere.  I think there is some ragamuffin in ALL OF US.  We are all in such need of God’s grace, aren’t we?  In need of His mercy.  I was just right comfortable at this place called Mercy Street.
I browsed through the bookstore and spied a daily meditation book entitled Breaking Free Day By Day which was written by my first favorite author whom I had just spoken with for the first time in over a year just a few days prior to that.  The wounds that I had gouged during The Maelstrom were more than my family could bear and they had the same fears that I had, that I would REPEAT yet again.  They had not been on this journey with me this time thus far.  They had not seen me do something different.  God had a very nice surprise in store for all of my siblings but most especially for my littlest sister with whom I had played Barbies, shared secrets long forgotten, raised children beside, adored and admired as an upcoming leader in women’s ministry while I was bursting with pride yet green with envy. One whom I had also lost in my plunge to the bottom of the pit.  Beth and I had finally talked (major milestone) just 5 days before I was standing at the bookstore cash register with her book in my hand. While I was waiting impatiently to check out, I thumbed through some key chains on a display close to the register.  Hanging on that display was a round key chain with “29 eleven” on it.  Twenty-Nine Eleven, 29-11, Mmmm, 29:11!!!!!  I flipped it over and my MANTRA was on the back of it.  My mantra, nobody else’s mantra (haha), MY MANTRA!!  God’s promise to ME.  I was in the right place.  I knew that without a shred of doubt even before I entered back into the buzzing hallway toward the service.
I found an empty seat close to the back and, although much healed in comparison to what I had been, I still felt a little out-of-place, not quite together, not quite good enough, stained, soiled, UNWORTHY.  The lights soon went down, the band started to play and I heard Richard (but didn’t know his name then) sing to me, “You bring hope to the hopeless and light to those in the darkness and death to life, NOW I’M ALIVE.” And he sang them straight to me and the tears streamed down my face.  Because I was dead and now I’m ALIVE.  I saw people from all walks of life, both rich and poor, more together and broken, black and white, addicted and non-addicted, tattooed and non-blemished, walk up to a microphone and celebrate things that we only whispered about, judged and ridiculed in the church I was raised in.  I saw the pastor’s son celebrate a period of sobriety right there in that room.  I heard people celebrate that they were getting their children back, getting jobs, serving in their communities and STAYING SOBER against all odds.  To this day, Ladies, I still cry during Celebrations because it is Mercy Street at its best.  Because at Mercy Street we have the freedom to be WHO WE ARE, just as we are, past, present and living into our God-given futures.  No frills, just AUTHENTIC.  It’s beautiful.
Gregg Taylor, Mercy Street Pastor (and my sweet, sweet friend) did a sermon that night, or in his words, a Talk entitled “Awake.” It was the first sermon I ever heard Gregg preach and I’ve heard many since but few have impacted me like this one.  God meant for it to be that way.  He meant for it to GET MY ATTENTION, for me to know that I had been delivered by none other than the Deliverer, Jesus Christ, Son of God, and for me to know exactly where He intended for me to enlarge my spiritual life!  Gregg preached that very night on Jeremiah 29:11 and, oddly enough, he preached again on it this last Saturday night just two days ago before I’m writing this installment.  I heard him say that very first night that our wildest imagination cannot fathom the dreams and plans that God has for us.  I heard him say that I am more than they think I am; I am more than I think I am; I am more than I think God thinks I am; I am who God thinks I am, who God says I am!  Since then I heard Gregg say that we humans do not have the capacity to forgive some wounds, that only God has the power to put that forgiveness in our hearts if only we will receive it.  I heard him say that I was created just below the angels and that God loves me with a love that is jealous and furious and shameless.  I heard him say that the greatest display of God’s glory is the human being fully alive. (Quoting Irenaeus) I heard him tell us just a few weeks ago to look around at who was sitting next to us if we wanted to see Jesus.  After all, we are the Body of Christ, this church, this community, are we not?  I kept coming back week after week after week until I believed what I heard and it began to sink in all the way down to my toes.  I heard it and I received it and I saw it in others right there in that very room.  I was home.  I LOVE THIS CHURCH!!!
At Mercy Street we desire to create a safe harbor for the hurt, the lost, and the seeking so that we might experience the radical grace of God.  We believe that our “believing is conditioned by belonging.” We “come to believe” within a relational environment of shared experience.  Our community forms a mosaic of people diverse in our experiences and backgrounds but common in our desire to seek a closer relationship with God and with each other.  Whether you have faith, struggle with your faith or have lost faith, a place like Mercy Street opens its doors to everyone seeking a spiritual roof over their head.  A lot of us are involved in recovery from addictions or bad church experiences, and the stuff of life that has left us bruised, battered or broken.  We believe Jesus is the healer and restorer of our hurt, pain and brokenness and invites us into a safe community where the progress of healing and growth occurs.  Our gatherings are filled with live music, authentic faith journeys and practical messages set in a casual, come as you are environment.  We extend a gift of Christian community to everyone, no matter what faith, religion, addiction, or experience.
I walk down a different street … a street named Mercy.
Thank You, My Jesus. Â Amen.
PS from Beth. Many of you unfortunately don’t have access to a church like Mercy Street but any church can learn to extend authentic Biblical love, mercy, and grace even amid our human imperfections and inevitable trials and errors. Churches are not made of bricks and steeples. They are made of people. Any street could become a mercy street if we’re willing to stand on its curb with humble feet, open our arms wide, and welcome wanderers in Jesus’ Name. There on that “street”, no matter what their background or previous belief, we get to show them the way to the one and only Savior, the living Lord Jesus Christ. May they “taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” Psalm 34:8
Oh my goodness, what a triumphant rally. I am so proud to be a sister in Christ with you. I too, celebrate a huge victory today. Yesterday, I attended my last Probation visit with my P.O. (very dear friend today). I had been on probation for 5 years due to my lifestyle and choices. This month also, I will celebrate 4 years of sobriety and peace. I can’t tell you how encouraged I am to continue on in the race to know our Lord more intimately. Gay, you and your sister, Beth, have shown more love and appreciation for the struggles and pains that we go through than any others I’ve met to date. Your transparency and raw emotion can only be from years of struggling and hitting the bottom of the pit. Thank God, we finally laid down the shovel. Thank you for being so obedient in sharing, and letting others in to see the real Jesus. Bless you both!Your sister in Christ!
Maureen Ross
Siesta Maureen,
Congratulations! Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Blessings 🙂
As I read this latest installment, I have a huge lump in my throat and can barely keep from crying. My big sister relapsed again just this last Wednesday and my father had to make her leave (she was currently living with him). She doesn’t have a home now and I don’t know what she is going to do. She has struggled with this terrible disease for the past 11 years, in and out of treatment 6 times or more. I always have hope for her coming to know Christ and living a life of sobriety, however, these posts have given me more hope for her. I praise God for your testimony, Gay. I KNOW our Father in Heaven has great plans for my sister. There have been one,too many times with her relapses that the doctors have been baffled by her still being “here”. I have been praying, praying, and praying some more for her over the years. The struggle I face is not knowing where God wants me to help, what I am to do, or if I am to do anything at all. Again, thank you so much for sharing your story with us all. I will continue to lift you up in my prayers and praise our Father in Heaven for your inspiring testimony.
Your sister in Christ,
Christie
GOD bless you !!! LORD Father, we pray healing and sobriety and salvation soon for her! IN JESUS NAME Amen
thanks for posting Christie…I’m praying for you right now!
Thank you so much for praying!
Christie,
I am praying for your sister. My son is incarcerated and because of that he is sober right now. He has struggled with addiction for 8 years now, multiple rehabs, multiple suicide attempts, one overdose that caused his heart to stop (it took 17 minutes to get his heart beating again), and is now facing quite a few years incarcerated. I am so sorry you are in such pain and I know this must have been so difficult for your dad. Knowing that God loves my child more than I do has given me so much peace. Gay’s story has given me so much hope also. I am copying each blog and sending it to my son. GOD IS GOOD AND HE IS FAITHFUL….He is more powerful than our loved one’s addictions!!!! Satan wants them, Christ is the KING….we fight this battle with prayer!!! I will pray that Psalm 25 becomes the cry of your sister’s heart!!
Praying for you and your family!! In Christ’s loving name……karen
Thank you for sharing this. It is encouraging to know that I have sister’s in Christ that are praying for her and my family. That is so encouraging. I will be praying for your son also, Karen. Thank you so much.
Christie
I will pray that God speaks to her and shows her the path…and for your heart.
Thank you for your prayers! They are so greatly appreciated! I cherish my Sister’s in Christ on this blog!
O how I pray and pray that my church will become Mercy Street!!! Thanks Gay for sharing your journey with me. It has helped me so much and always encourages me. Beth is blessed to have you for a sister.
Wrap it up, slap a hard cover on it and call it a book!! It will sell a trillion copies and change as many hearts!!
Thank you is not enough!!
I hope to visit Mercy Street one day…I think I’ll put it on my bucket list!!
Tru dat!
I agree with Maureen! This should be a book! It could be a tiny book – just as it is – to minister grace and truth – and HOPE to people!! Do it!!
I’m always so sad that the installment is over when I get to the last sentence. I could read these every day for forever. There was lots of amen-ing on this side of the computer!
Dearest Gay
Thank you so much for sharing your life. I wait for each installment, for you see my brother dances with the same demons. I must confess that I have become numb to his yearly rehab. Last year while he was in detox, our father was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He lived ten more weeks, while my brother was released during dad’s final days, he certainly wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with all life was bringing. He never said the words he needed to say to my father. Daddy passed nine months ago. No shock, my brother is in rehab again.
Gay, God’s Word spoken through your story is bringing healing to my heart and a new compassion for my brother that I have not had for a long time. Our family lives with the peace that Daddy is with Jesus and pray for the restoration of my brother so that he can have that same peace and promise to see and speak to Daddy again one day.
I can’t thank you enough for being honest and giving a perspective that I don’t always want to see. I pray that the Lord will continue to use you to His Glory!
Wendy
There is such supernatural power in each one of these posts, Gay. I find myself thinking about the things you say off and on for weeks after. Thank you for listening to God, being vulnerable, and sharing this amazingly wild and Spirit-filled story.
There are plans for you, oh yes there are!
Dear sweet sweet sisters,
Beth and Gay, you have been such a blessing in my life! I thank God for each of you and for His love and mercy He has chosen to show through you and your lives. I am so grateful for the blessings you each have been to me and so many others and will be praying for you both as you continue to run the race and fight the good fight.
I’m not gonna lie, I cried like a baby when I read this before work today. My brother struggles with alcohol and I’ve been asking God for a creative way to get your story in front of him. Thank you for being bold enough to share and for being so beautifully authentic. I’m thankful you found a community of believers that are authentic and focused on the gospel as well. I go to a “mercy street” type church and I’m thankful for it. I may not struggle wtih the same challenges you do, but I’m no less broken and have had no less trauma.
I’m so thankful for a Savior who not only loves me and redeemed me, but actually LIKES me! Despite all my flaws, He LIKES ME. That is some awesome truth right there. God bless you for sharing this story and for Beth giving you the place to put the words. God is really stinking amazing!
Hi Gay, I feel like when you are telling your story that were in a cozy room with a fireplace. I am on the floor with my arms wrapped around my knees looking up at you and taking in every word about how Jesus rescued you. I just want to keep hearing you talk about how he is loving you, and speaking to you, continually showing up where you go, and even a sweet gift of his word on a key chain!! He really is our ‘Prince’ of Peace! I pray one day I get to run into you somewhere, hug you and sneak off to a coffee shop and just talk about our Jesus!!
Love you for sharing your story with us!!!
Maria
Was just reminding myself of ‘I am who GOD says I am’…when I read over your phrase of just that.
Such a profound and needed encouragement by my Father. I love hearing from you on this blog!
P(RAISE) THE NAME OF JESUS!
Loved the word picture you drew with, “…Our community forms a mosiac of people diverse in our experiences and backgrounds but common in our desire to seek a closer relationship with God and with each other.” Whew! Powerful, sister!! I hope and pray that sticks with me. What a big huge blessing you continue to be 🙂
WOW! You are just tearing it up Gay! I love it…you are on point, you really “got it”, you know what freedom tastes like and you LOVE it. I can hear the passion in your voice and I know you are typing out your heart. Thank you so much for sharing. I love this, love, love, love your entries…
I’m an addict…almost to alchohol, more to defensiveness, self-righteousness and having to have the last word. Thankfully God loves me enough to surround me w/ PATIENT people that never pointed it out…just prayed for me, and loved me. And then God…heard my cry that said..”I cannot keep doing this, it isn’t working and it’s destroying my family..”
Thank you so much Gay for letting us “peak” into your “safe place” Mercy Street. Here’s a link to a church plant that was started in Spain and has plants all over Europe now w/ a new one in Ireland run by a friend and her husband that is reaching out to down and outers…maybe a mission trip for Mercy Street peeps??
http://www.betel.org.uk
Gay, have a great day…you keep soaking it up girl..soaking up His love!
Bless the name of our Great and Merciful God! Love, love, love reading your installments of how He has never let you go! What relentless, lavish & redeeming love! So thankful you are humbling basking in it while boldly proclaiming it!
Bless you,
Cindy K
I love it.
But God…
God has such big plans for you, Gay.
Dear Gay,
Thank you so much for telling your story. i am in constant awe of the work God does in our lives! you are Living Proof.
Jackie
Beth,
How did you get through the years when you didn’t know where Gay was or if she was dead or alive? My son is a drug addict. After several years of rescuing and 3 different rehabs, we had to let him go. It got to the point where our help wasn’t helping. We were just making it easier for him to stay addicted. We haven’t seen or heard from him in over a year. I know God is bigger than his addiction. I know that God CAN, but some days are so hard. Some nights I struggle with despair, fear and worry. How did you hold on to your faith, believe that God could heal and still detach enough not to loose your mind?
Gay,
I want you to know that when I read your last installment, (number 5 I think) where you told us about finding AA and really working it at New Hope, I think I actually heard God say to me “here’s your hope”. I had been asking Him for a reason not to give up and He sent me your post. Thank you.
Cindy,
My heart was so touched by your post. I’ll pray for your son – and especially for you. Any of us who are moms can imagine the depth of your pain. Any of us could be in your shoes. Love to you.
Dear Cindy,
I was so moved by your post. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through. You, your family and your son are now added to my prayer list.
Don’t ever give up on him or God.
I’m not sure if it’s the same as Mercy Street, but there’s a program called Celebrate Recovery, and most towns seem to have it now. This ministry was born out of the heart of Saddleback Church in California. The weekly services sound very much like our CR services, and it’s called “The Mercy Place”. There are also step study books and classes available based on the 12 steps, only with Biblical backup. Totally Christ centered. It’s for everyone with habits, hurts or hang ups and has been such a blessing for me. Hope everyone who needs this finds one close to you.
Debbie, I had not read your comments yet, when I posted mine below, about CR and The Landing. Yes, Wonderful program! I am glad it is has helped you, too!
Amazing story, Gay – praise the Lord for Mercy Street, and it’s ministry in your life. Jeremiah 29:11 has great meaning and provides daily hope to me as well, even though our lives are about as different as night and day from each other – we both have our hurts and our wounds. I praise the Lord for healing you and for giving you the power to share your story to bring Him the glory! 🙂
I relished every single word of this, and cannot wait for the next installment.
I’m absolutely in awe at what God has done in your life and giving Him praise! Just so happens, I was looking in Jeremiah and studying this book, especially verse 29:11_now that has to be God.
I pray God will help me to have the compassion and love that those people at Mercy Street have_to reach out and be a blessing to others_to not just talk a good talk, but walk the walk and to let God use me to help those in need.
Thank you for sharing your story, Gay. Love you as a sister in Christ
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I think no matter what our demons may be to see someone elses redemption put into words gives us hope. God bless you for having the courage to put your heart out there for all to see so that we too may feel the power of God through you.
Dear Gay, (Beth-please see note to you, right after this.)
Thank you so much for being so gracious to share your story (God’s story in you) with all of us. I will continue to keep you in my prayers
Dear Beth,
Thank you so much for your words about restoration, and I am filled with joy for you that your relationship with Gay is restored.
My relationships with my brothers wasn’t completely lost for very long. . .well, too long, almost a year, and is not completely restored, but they will be. (if that makes sense) I think that grown up sibling relationships are very vital to our well being, and I thank you again for sharing from your heart about the importance of yours.
Also, thank you for what you said about churches. I belong to a “FBC” that is home to Celebrate Recovery and The Landing-CR for teens, which I help with. Our church definitely has many ministries that reach out to help those in need of restoration.
Thank you!
Praise Him! Praise Him! Praise Him! I cheered you on from the first installment and am cheering you on through to this one. Might I say what a talented writer you are! You have a gift that you must share with an even greater audience than this, and bless lives in the way that you have blessed mine. Thank you Gay. I am praying for you.
So, so VERY blessed by your testimony Gay! You are SO precious! You and Beth are both remarkable women! Like Joseph, what the devil intended for evil, God intended for good!! We don’t know why we have to endure some of the things we have to go through, but Thank God, He sees the big picture, and all the while is equipping us to minister to a hurting world, in a way ONLY we can, because we’ve lived through it!! Not just survived, but CONQUERED! What an AWESOME God we serve!! You are in my prayers! Thank you for opening your heart and sharing!
Donna in Iowa
Great story of grace and mercy. My husband and I are starting Recovery Church in Tampa to bridge the gap between 12 Step meetings and the traditional church.
Thank you for your story Ms Gay. Congratulations on your sobriety, glory to God! As I read your story I think of my son-in-law who is on his 7th month of sobriety. To God be all the glory!! I pray he continues. You have a gift for writing as your words move me to tears, relief, joy, anticipation etc. Don’t be envious of little sister Beth. God has great things in store for you Ms Gay! 🙂
Love you. –Grandmamitz
You have blessed me again- I pass your messages on to a family member who may well consider sobriety as a result of your beautiful writing- Blessings to you and yours
Thank you for walking back threw those hard times to share the love of the Lord with all of us . It has to be hard but very healing . You an your sister are awesome . Keep up on the Good work for The Lord an all His Children
Wow. Just wow. I continue to be amazed and strengthened by your story, Gay.
So proud of you, Siesta!
Awesome post! As I read the “autobiography 5 chapters” part it took me back to the time when I sat in the counselors office with tears streaming as she told me that story. I am so thankful for your willingness to share yours. Much love in Him!
Hi. I’m Catholic, born-again Christian. Went to 1st Bible study last night, 25 women, “James, Mercy Triumphs,” just the intro–forgot my Bible (duh). Expected the usual rote kind of Bible study, follow along mechanically and answer dumb questions, but I was blown away. She says she’s a survivor, and everybody goes “Awwwww,” and I’m going YIPPEE–ANOTHER ONE !!! If 1 out of 5 of us were abused, then (doing the math) 4 of them were lying, LOL. Then she describes, to a T, what is going on since Mom died with my siblings. I fell in love w/JESUS, and they’re all determined atheists, 1 older sister, 2 younger brothers. So Beth went on talking 200 mph, and I’m in my own bubble, JESUS is standing right in front of us, telling me something is about to GIVE in my family, and I’m between laughing and crying w/the other women consoling me and wondering what on earth is my problem. Sigh.
Dear Gay,
I have been reading your story and have been humbled, challenged and convicted of so many things as I read this. It has been so refreshingly honest. WOW! My uppermost thought as I read this, is that GOD is writing a letter to us, the bodynof Christ, being written on your heart! 2 COR 3:2-3.
This isn’t a letter just about your journey through alcoholism, it was about ALL of us who are lying to ourselves – myself included, about areas that are under the control of our flesh. the LORD was speaking to me loudly as I read this. To start being honest and transparent, and STOP judging every one else. The Lord Jesus wants to bless us with HIMSELF and the only thing in his way, is my will.
Thank you dear sister for sharing with us. I’m praying for you and I’m so excited for what the LORD has next for you…. Because it is going to be so good!
Love, Heidi
I hate alcohol. HATE IT! It has destroyed my family. How can a Christian drink it? Shouldn’t we be abstaining entirely because we see what it can do? What’s wrong with a little legalism if it saves a life? If I tell others it’s not good to drink they act like I have a problem with my faith.
Thanks so much for sharing. I know it has to be difficult to go back in your mind to those places and events. God is The Great Physician, isn’t He.
Don’t ya just love the fact, also, that God uses us to help others who have struggles too. The enemy tries to destroy us, but God takes those efforts and turns them around for our good and God’s glory. Simply amazing.
This is just a PS to the previous note I left…God gave me this verse today and I just wanna share.
Yahweh, You are my God; I will exalt you. I will praise Your name, for You have accomplished wonders, plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness. Isaiah 25:1
Thank you Gay for your transparency, honesty, and courage to share your story. It has truly blessed and encouraged me personally!
Hugs and blessings to you!
WOOOWEEE! Dearest Gay and Beth, We are walking on “Mercy Street” around here…after 2 years without work, my sister was offered a “miracle job” in her field, at 62 years old! She starts on April 1st! (Her home of 15 years was going into foreclosure…in the 11th hour, God has moved!) He gave her a word: “Now glorify me with your body which is your reasonable service!” Praise His Holy Name! When your installments first started Gay, I cried out for prayer for my sister who was a “functioning alcoholic”…never, in my wildest imaginations did I expect God to move in such a way! To our God belongs the escape from death, setting us free! I sent my sister Jeremiah 29:11-14 this morning, as she pushes through to a new beginning in Christ! I just want to shout out! GLORY TO THE LIVING GOD WHO MAKES ALL THINGS NEW…Amazing grace.
Restoration. It’s a word that has been ringing in my ears for the last few weeks. To be restored…is so much of your journey Gay. I ask for MANY MANY MANY prayers this weekend. My husband and I have been separated since October 25th, and we are attending Family Life’s Weekend to Remember in Minneapolis this weekend. Pray for restoration in our lives..in our marriage…in our home…in our hearts….
In Him,
Andrea
I’m praying for your restoration Andrea.
Hugs,
Adrienne
“I had committed my life to God and although my freedom from the bondage of addiction had come divinely from AA and the 12 Steps, I had a yearning within my heart to return to the Jesus of my childhood. I had an unquenchable thirst to know more of this God who had saved me from underneath the bridge.” Wow! My exact story, too. And yes, I wanted more, as well!
I didn’t have a Mercy Street, but I had contemporary worship in my United Methodist Church where blue jeans and flip flops are just fine, especially in a beach town. The contemporary praise music sang the scriptures to me and was (is) an oasis in the desert that I had come from. And I discovered Beth Moore Bible studies- my very first Bible studies ever- and I attended every available one and then began to facilitate them when they were not available. Beth freely spoke of a broken place, a pit, that Jesus pulled her from. I so related. Jesus saved my life through her studies coupled with AA.
Gay, your story puts that spin on AA recovery that so many of us crave. 29:11 was(is) my verse, too. If I had a tattoo, that would be it! 🙂
Grateful,
Fran
Gulf Shores
I think it is amazing that the beauty of God’s healing is that He restores us to better than before, so evident here!
We are all His restoration projects, and what the enemy means for evil, He can bring to our good!
Gay,
What an inspiration you are! Thanks so much for sharing all you have been through. My little sister who I dearly love is so close to loosing everything that it just breaks my heart! I have pulled away from her until she can get it together. I pray it is soon. I miss her so much. Last time I was around her drunk, she kept begging me for a hug. Makes me cry every time I run that scene through my mind. Alcohol is a hard addiction to break, and I am so proud of you. I don’t know if you really understand how much hope you have given to us that stand back and watch the distruction that alcohol does to our love one. God has a great plan for you and I for one am excited you and your family. I agree a book is a great idea. Love you and Beth so much. God’s blessing on both you
Oh Gay, once again I marvel at your courage and praise our God for His marvelous mercy and grace! I especially resonate with your statements that there is a little ragamuffin in all of us, and that you still felt a little out of place, and still unworthy the first time you went to Mercy Street. We all have pasts, some uglier than others, but praise Jesus that His blood covers all our sin!!! And that even when we “feel” unworthy, or still not “all together”, God is right there with His arms open wide to embrace us and forgive us and love on us in a way that no one on this earth can. Thank you again for sharing your story of deliverance with us. Hope is a most beautiful thing.
Praising God for your story. My hearts breaks though as my sister-in-law died four weeks ago. I prayed we would have a similar testimony, but it was not to be. My prayers may have been answered, just maybe not in the way I had hoped or envisioned.
Janice, I am so, so sorry. I am praying for you and your family right now. May He bring you all extravagant healing and comfort.
Oh, Gay! Once again, I love you so much! I’m so happy for you and your sister! I can’t imagine how happy she must be to have you back!! I remember hearing that Beth had a “loved one” steeped in addiction, and not having any idea that was you I was praying for you. How little I could have known how much you would later speak to me. I first went to a 12-step program with a little hesitation, because I wasn’t an alcoholic or a drug addict, you understand. I was just deeply depressed and sometimes found a little relief in alcohol. No big deal, right? I was told it didn’t matter, because Celebrate Recovery was for more than just addicts. It was for those seeking “freedom from lifes hurts, habits, and hang-ups” and I could admit that I definitely fit in that category. I entered that room without a clue what was really wrong with me and sometimes I’m still not 100 percent sure. I never did fully embrace the 12 steps while I was there. I went through step studies and half-heartedly worked the steps, so guess what, I still only have half a heart! I never got a consistent sponsor. It was a very new program at the time and didn’t have enough sponsors to go around. I’m still pretty particular about what I want in a sponsor. They must understand that the bible is way more important to me than their recovery books, though I love the books and of course, they have scripture in them as well, but I need some deeper study and memorization. I need a sponsor who’s going to encourage and support that. As I mentioned before I’m moving to Spokane, actually on Monday! We’re moving out of our house on Sunday, staying in a hotel that night and pulling out of here on Monday morning. I have no idea what God has in store for me in Spokane, but as soon as I get my family somewhat settled in I’m going to start making some phone calls and get back in recovery. I have so much going through my head that needs to be processed with someone or I’m going to lose it! I sure hope I can find someone who can deal with me and encourage all that other stuff! So far that’s been difficult. Most are uncomfortable with me, because of the very issues I need help with! I’m pretty awkward in relationships. I really don’t know how to have real relationships and it kind of has irritated me that people have expected me to act just like everyone else in relationships. I can’t. Relationships have damaged me, so I’m extremely nervous and awkward.
Also, I forgot to say that Jeremiah 29:11 has been my verse ever since I went to Celebrate Recovery. It speaks against every lie I believe! But I guess I’m willing to share 🙂
And Mercy Street sounds awesome! I wouldn’t exactly say it’s just like Real Life Ministries, but you definitely see a little bit of everything at RLM! I always go in jeans and a t-shirt, but you can dress up if you want. Anything goes. I love it! Those are the only kind of churches I go to. God sees me everyday dressed casually, so I don’t see why I should be any different on Sunday. Sometimes I just feel like dressing up, so I do, but I never feel like I have to! I’ve never felt like anyone looked down on me. The pastor isn’t real dressy either. He wears a lot of polo shirts. Whenever I see him he’s pretty much dressed the same way he dresses on Sunday morning. I like that.
Oh My!!
While I read this beautiful message I had music playing and the song “God will lift up your head” by Jars of Clay! How appropriate for this moment!
Jer. 29:11-14 was given to me by GOD when I was 19, it was on a pizza box lid! It has gotten me through many years of life and is still my favorite! My Mantra too!
Praise GOD for His Word to feast on!
Thank you Gay – thanks for being open to His use of your lifestory!
Dear Gay,
As I am walking through my own journey of healing your testimony has been such a drink of water as my heart at times has felt so parched. Right now my counselor is doing prolonged exposure therapy with me, it’s where you re-live trauma over and over again until it doesn’t hurt so bad. I feel like I am walking thru fire, but God has shown me He is right there with me in it. Your testimony has been such an encouragement of the healing and restoration power of God. I agree with so many others when they say this should be a book. As I imagine a book signing down the road I can’t decide which would shine brighter..the light of Jesus from your beautiful redeemed face or your sister’s when she’s standing next to you beaming with pride. Yeah, your right Jesus always shines brighter…Grin.
Beth and Gay,
Thanks for sharing. What impact!
Kim Feth
Apex, NC