I’ve been thinking about something since a week ago Saturday that I’m not sure I can articulate well. I’m going to give it a shot, though. Over the couple of years we’ve shared this community, I’ve seen enough of you refer to teaching Bible studies or speaking at retreats or to various groups that it may, should God care to use it, answer a few questions. Or, then again, it could more likely save you the energy of asking them. Some things are just a mystery.
Like callings.
And grace.
And how much of an accomplished work has anything to do with human vessels or are we of no consequence whatsoever. The question is not, could God use anybody? We know that’s a yes. It’s not even, does God prefer weakness so He can show Himself strong? That’s also a clear yes. What’s less clear is how much that “weak-anybody” has one iota’s bearing on what God does with him from then on. And, what are the differences between the times we are called upon by God to labor intensely toward a victory with every last ounce of energy we have (Colossians 1:29) and times when we just stand there and watch God do the thing like we weren’t even there. Or maybe we see nothing happen at all and go home in near despair, only for somebody to drop a note to us and say, “God spoke the word to me that day that I’ve waited all my life to hear.” Sometimes they quote what they heard and you know good and well it wasn’t you who said it. God talked around you instead of through you.
So, what part is God and what part is man? Twenty-five years in, I have no idea. And, I’m just weird enough to be strangely exhilarated by the fresh pulsation that I don’t. Yes, of course, we’re told to walk worthy of our callings (Ephesians 4:1) but could we walk worthy enough to enjoy a consistent, full-throttle Presence and anointing?
I doubt it.
If these are simple questions with simple answers, you may not have been around this bend often enough yet. Ask some folks who’ve spent decades at podiums like Kay Arthur, Anne Graham Lotz, Louie Giglio, James McDonald, and a host of others the devil hasn’t yet harassed into quitting and they might agree that some things get more mysterious with time. Not less.
There are too many things that don’t make sense. For communicators who give one whit about being honest-to-God (I mean that literally) Spirit-led, filled, and anointed servants, there’s no finding a formula. There’s no learning how to hit and not miss. There is no exact list and order of Spiritual disciplines to practice. Fasting every Monday, for instance, may seem to be the key attraction of God’s favor for a while but it soon wears off and you consider whether or not to add Tuesday. Nothing “works” every time. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in fasting. I’m just saying that, if you think you can use it to induce God’s unwavering favor, you’re probably going to get pretty hungry. There is no secret PIN number for His ATM. It’s God’s safeguard for keeping us from being more committed to our disciplines than to Him.
Here are a few other things I’ve learned about gifted speaking. There is no physical condition or best mood to be in. There is no amount of self-abhorrence, self-flagellation, competence or confidence to make you best suited for a mighty work of God. There is no perfect place, format, or group where “it” happens without fail. There is no type of message that never falls flat. Or, there hasn’t been for me. There’s simply no outsmarting it. Absolutely no mastering it.
We’re splitting hairs here so stay with me until your mind gets good and muddled and only then will you get what I’m trying to say. To be sure, there are some basic ways we can cooperate with God for consistency and fruitfulness. Thank You, Lord. There are ways we can intentionally live our lives to His great glory and serve and love in His beautiful name. Bless You, Father. If not, in our earthbound wanderings, how ironically lost would we, the saved, be? But, as those who have the gall or call, responsibility or culpability to stand before a group of listeners, is there any way to insure that God will bless a message with a significant work of His Spirit?
I’m not talking here about manipulating God or trying to make Him behave. I’m not talking about trying to get Him to make you look good. I’m talking about the sheer attempt to prepare well enough, pray thoroughly enough, be humble enough (and not be proud of it) or do it all right enough in His eyes for Him to always perceptibly bless it. Honestly, there are just times when we disagree with God about what is best for Him.
What I’m talking about here is almost indefinable. I’d more easily be able to tell you how it feels than tell you what it is and yet sometimes it’s there and there’s no feeling it at all. Muddled yet? The closest I can come to naming it is God’s anointing and, if that’s the long and short of it, no wonder we can’t tame it or formulize it. The very nature of divine favor is that it is unmerited. And the very nature of God being God is that He is sovereign. As the Psalmist says, Our God is in the heavens and He does what He has pleased.
For the life of me I can’t figure out the common denominator tying together the times God really shows up. Two things are for certain. Sometimes He shows up without us even knowing it. Other times we’ll be positive He’s coming and later think He must have googled the wrong address.
This speaking thing is baffling. Beyond mastery. It’s not for the fainthearted or the full-of-themselves. Unless a person is certifiably clueless or narcissistic beyond all hope of recovery, he or she will soon discover that what ego it builds, it also tears down. What wins out at the end of any given year is a total toss-up. In human reckoning, you could be brilliant one moment and a drooling fool the next. You can give the same message three times and the Holy Spirit hit like a lightning bolt, give it a fourth time with the same passion and authenticity and have it fall, to quote my grandmother, flatter than a flitter. I’ve never known what a flitter is but I am more than sure I’ve been flatter.
Think twice before you beg to be up front. This is the kind of thing you only want to do if you can’t keep from it. If God ever throws you up there, best to just keep your ego out of it. You can either be crucified to self or let God give you a good killing right in front of everybody. You better learn quickly and repeatedly that it’s not about you and that self-loathing is as self-absorbed as inordinate self-love. And, whatever you do, don’t get into the rut of letting your personal devotional time with God get supplanted by preparations to speak or teach. The enemy will put few subtler temptations in front of you. Every decent Bible student knows we reap what we sow but the tricky part is the sizable time gap that can occur between that sowing and reaping. When it stretches over a considerable amount of time, we think we’re getting away with it. Maybe God’s even blessing it. In His strange way, you may not see the fall-out of the loss of lively, daily relationship with Him for months but make no mistake. It’s coming. It’s a slow bleed and often you’re not aware that the lifeblood has left you until you are stone-cold dead. Thank goodness God has a penchant for resurrections. You better guard your intimacy with Him like your dying breath.
God’s love for us and our value before Him are insurmountable and unwavering. Our daughter-ship or son-ship is unconditional. His worthiness is unquestionable. Let me say that again. His worthiness is unquestionable. These are the things that must occupy us. These are the underpinnings of our security as His laborers in this harvest of souls. Things like our fitness or spiritual performance or numbers don’t just ebb and flow. They shake like a bottle of oil and vinegar duct taped to a jackhammer.
I’ve thought about this off and on for twenty years and two hundred reasons but I’ll tell you what brought it all up on this blog.
Remember last weekend’s simulcast? Those of you who participated may remember me saying that I’d had such big plans for it. As well as I know how to decipher it, not selfish or temporal plans. I honestly believed that so many women giving up their Saturdays were worthy of much deliberation, study, and preparation. And it goes without saying that God was worthy of those things and more. I felt like He must have been up to something strange and remarkably eternal to have put together numbers of women none of us could have anticipated. My plan was to give a profuse amount of time to preparation and illustration so that I could actually be familiar enough with my material not to do my usual thing. My normal approach is something like – let me think of a delicate word for it – regurgitation. I seldom hit a platform unprepared but no one is going to accuse me of being impressively organized. For the most part, a thousand bites of information are swirling around like butterflies in my stomach and I just get up there and throw it all up.
The simulcast was to be the exception. I got home late the Saturday night before from a Living Proof Live in Florida and headed to church only to get a text from my firstborn, Amanda, telling me that her husband, Curtis, wasn’t feeling well and suspected something could really be wrong. In no time at all, he was in surgery with what his surgeon called an appendix that had gone off like a grenade. After sitting with Amanda at the hospital through the surgery, I moved into her house with my two beloved grandchildren and she moved into the hospital with her beloved man. That’s the way we spent the better part of four days.
Just like yours, our family comes first so I can honestly tell you that I had no second thoughts and, needless to say, not the least resentment. I wouldn’t have missed it for anything nor would I want to miss the next round. I have no intention of forfeiting my grandparent rights and responsibilities. I love Jackson and Annabeth like I love my own two daughters. Every minute I spent with them was my honor and joy and, yes, delightfully hard work. Every now and then I’d look up at the heavens and say something like, “Lord, I sure hope you’re preparing for Saturday while I’m keeping babies!”
And He was. He’s always faithful.
By late Wednesday night, Amanda took back the reins and her in-laws arrived first thing Thursday. At that point, my thoughts shifted totally to the simulcast. By Saturday morning, the Lord had graciously helped me prepare the two lessons. I was fine with them. Not fabulous with them but at peace. They were meaningful to me and appropriate for the occasion, I think, but, alas, not what I had planned. (Please don’t think I’m fishing for encouragement here. It would deflect severely from the point.)
This is where you come into the story. A few hours after the simulcast concluded Amanda called me and told me that comments were already coming in on the blog and that I ought to give them a glance. She thought I’d be blessed. I did and she was right, I was so thankful to God and was absolutely certain -100% – that anything of value was His doing. Then I came upon a comment I will never forget. It was posted at exactly 6:29. It said something like this: “I will always remember that we studied Ephesians 4:24 on 4/24.” (April 24th) Somebody may as well have hit me in the head with a sledge hammer. I went completely slack-jawed and stared at those words over and over. It had never – not once – dawned on me that God had given me Ephesians 4:24 (which was our primary verse and the whole theme of the simulcast) for 4/24. He’d given that verse to me several months earlier to memorize then I began to feel that it was His leadership toward our gathering. Still, I’d never put the reference with the date. I wasn’t that clever but God surely was. Here’s the verse. See it from the point of view of the person who has decided to put her insecurity behind her:
“put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
He’d had it all along. Planned it to a tee. Didn’t mean for it to be complicated. Wasn’t interested in a flawless delivery. Didn’t even need it to be great. Any jar of clay would do because anything happening on the visible platform was virtually incidental…as long as it didn’t quench the Spirit. All God had in mind to do was cut through the layers of technology until we could see straight into the beating heart of the Gospel: Jesus Christ can change your life.
That’s it. Plain and simple.
I love the mysterious side of God. I love that we can’t figure Him out. I love that He honors us by choosing us and humbles us by not even needing us. I love that He is wholly beyond formulas and manipulations, because goodness knows I’m not.
I love Him.
So, what do we do with all of this since we don’t know one iota more than we did? Just keep doing what we’re called to do. In season. Out of season. When we feel good. When we don’t. Believe Him to do something huge. Trust Him when you can’t even tell He did something small. Keep your heart in it and your big head out of it.
He’s the only one who can make it happen. As for us, we don’t even know what “it” is.
“The Lord our God has secrets known to no one. We are not accountable for them, but we and our children are accountable forever for all that he has revealed to us.” Deuteronomy 29:29 NLT
Beth,
These words mean a lot…
For some reason I have been sinking deeper and deeper into a pit. I know I need to get out but I don’t really know where to begin though I have before…I want this to be the last time…I am tired of making my way out (with God’s help of course) only to lose my footing and sink back down into it…and usually deeper. Your simulcast and this blog have inspired me but I am afraid to move forward in fear that when I fall back into it things will again, get worse…any words of wisdom or prayers or direction you could give (not that you haven’t already) would be so appreciated…
In Christ,
Amber
Amber, You are in my prayers and I hope you will be encouraged. God is our hope and strength day to day.
He is our Help when we wake in the morning and when we go to bed. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. Be thankful and trust in Him. Keep pressing forward and not look back. God will heal your heart.
You are special!
Praying in Christ, joyce
THank you SOOO much Joyce!!! Today was a better day…and I know it is because I have friends praying and a Holy Spirit that expresses what I cannot…
I blogged a little about my day if you want to read it! God bless!
Amber,
I am in the same boat as you and I don’t know what to do either. My question is how can God love me?
Why does he love me. I don’t get it from my head to my heart…..Rebecca
Rebecca,
I am sorry that you are questioning God’s love…I literally had that conversation with a friend yesterday…pretty much, she told me I was being selfish. That God gave it all and if I am not willing to accept it then I am doing an injustice to Him and what He did for ME…AND YOU! Harsh words but they are what I needed at the time! I will say a prayer for you and I would appreciate one in return! Be encouraged!
God bless,
Amber
Amber and Rebecca,
I totally identify with what you are feeling. I have a LONG history of depression and related issues.
My 2 cents:
1. Get support – counseling if needed, spiritual,and especially prayer support.
2. Get in the word – your scripture memory verses, read passages about how much God loves you. Read 1John every day for a week. Renew your mind. I have been doing better recently and I can only attribute it to spending a lot time in the Word – especially Eph 3:14-21.
3. Speak the truth – Instead of just questioning, thank God for loving you. He says he does (Is 43:4). Take that statement to him, and ask him to help you grasp it. And don’t wait for your feelings, thank him based on your belief that he says it and means it. Act based on the truth, and eventually your feelings will follow along (although I readily admit that those crazy emotions can swing all over the place before they get it right). Say to yourself that God loves you – say it OUT LOUD – every day until you believe it.
4. Turn on some worship music! The beat will pick you up and most of it is right out of Scripture.
I’d offer to send you my exegesis paper on Eph 3:14-21, but it’s not done yet. 😉 You might want to look through the LPM store, I know Beth has materials that can help.
YOU are God’s child and NOTHING can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus!
Great advice!! (Read this in an incredulous voice) – And you struggle with depression??
Haha, yes, I sure do. I’ve even taught classes on depression. My pastor reminds me that it’s not supposed to be a “how to” class!
Depression is a powerful thing. God has done a LOT in me the last few years, but he’s obviously not done yet.
Thank you so much…I am working on these things…I have a great support group of friends and have been in counseling, the prob is I moved and none of them are around…I am starting over…so, His Word is what I am relying on and needless to say I haven’t been as faithful as I should be at reading it…soooo…I am working on improving that and just keeping on…
Thanks for the encouragement!
God bless!
Amber
Amber, Your heart is on the right path. Keep your eyes focused on your Father in Heaven. God’s love is just bigger than we can even comprehend and it is out of that love that He poured out His life for you. You will find your strength. You will persevere. You’ll find rest in the radiance of His light. He doesn’t want you in the pit. He knows you. He loves you. He forgives you. Always remember that the thoughts that cause us to fear stepping toward God do not come from Him. I always try to remember that in my own life. Obstacles never cease, but I’ve learned God is always present. Even in the darkest hours. When I’m stuck I always begin in scripture. Sometimes the Psalms. Anywhere. Start with His words if you’re not sure where else to begin. I find great comfort in reading our Father’s words. Lamentations 3:22 says Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. Will pray for you! -Marlys
Thank you everyone for your encouragement and prayers. I have been thinking of you Amber.
I have had 2 GOOD days.
I have had help for the abuse I suffered.
I listen to christian music and a christian radio station only. Depression is so debilating. I’ve had one good night sleep this week. Thank you so much for the advice. Hearing other people say they struggle with God’s love is helping me cope….Rebecca
Rebecca,
I am so glad to hear things are improving for you…it boils down to taking our thoughts captive before they can expand to becoming bigger…something I have been working on lately…the past few days have been improved for me as well…so I am praying I can continue in His word and His way and that everything would continue to improve and that I wouldn’t fall back into these stupid pits! God bless ya!
Hey Beth: WOW!! Felt your HEART while reading this today and so needed to hear it! Thank you for being so authentic and doing what the LORD calls you to do. You’re such a blessing to this community of women who are just trying to do it right for HIM and to HIS GLORY! Luv ya mucho!
Carmen “with a smile” :o)
Wow, that is so stunningly profound – I always think when I listen to Ravi Zacherius that it is so dripping with wisdom that I need 5 days to process every paragraph he speaks. That’s how I feel about this. My bed is the only place 4 little boys are not clamoring for my attention so I am going to take this with me there and ponder it till I drift off.
God is so awesome and you inspire me to want more and more of Him and to want to make much of Him in all I do.
Thanks so much!
This is such a great and timely word.
I had the honor of being at Woodstock for SLI Simulcast. I’m making the changes necessary to lose the insecurity, and to walk in the calling of the Lord on my life. I just want to please Him, and honor Him. I’ve such a long way to go–but I’m taking baby steps daily.
Thank you for serving us–you are an incredible example of a humility and grace.
Warmly,
Teri
Romeo, MI
You have been a part of my life for over 10 years… God has used you and your ministry to change my life…that is a mystery that someone I have never met could play such a big role in my life (I know I am just one of many)… But that is our God..
Love you so, and thanks for putting yourself out there for us…pouring your life out as an offering.
Wow! So many thoughts on this subject. I can tell you I started out thinking pretty highly of myself when I started to teach. I loved it, God blessed it and I thought it was all going to be so good.
But Oh MY! did God have some lessons to teach me. There was the year I had to teach 8th grade SS with all the yawns and the vacant stares and the slouched bodies. Then there were the classes where only 1 or 2 women would actually come. Then there was a time where God told me to STOP and not teach at all. I had some very serious lessons about dying to self. And getting rid of the pride.
Let me tell you one of the biggest lessons I had to learn. God told me to come close and LOVE him. I mean “look me in the eye and let me look at you and pour out your little heart into mine” . I remember in a Priscilla Shirer class I took she challenged us to love God and not do it for anything he could give us. Just love him. Just get to Know him. I took that very seriously. I have pursued that.
I have not become another Beth Moore. the Lord has given me some women to teach but since I have been focusing on him and not on me or on “my ministry” he has been opening womens hearts as he has never done before. Mind you, I don’t teach, I encourage women to go deep after God and I give a little devotional. We then listen to a teaching CD of your’s Beth. Right now we’re doing the names of God. But I see women crying. I see women absorbing his word like vacuum cleaners. I see Joy on their faces as they study and write…
They are being met by him. I’m just the vessel. Or the leaky garden hose that the water runs through. I get blessed in the process..
So much to think about here. He is AMAZING!
Heidi
Leaky garden hose!! That’s me!!! Oh, Thanks for that analogy!!!
Beth, enjoy those grandkids. I just returned Friday night from burying our first grandchild who died at two days old from an undetected heart problem. I’ve never experienced grief like that. I’ll never understand why, but God has managed to give me a few “nuggets” of good that has already come from precious little Ryan’s short life. I had just been the emcee at a Women’s Retreat the weekend before and had my cell phone on in my pocket during the whole retreat and mentioned it several times so I have a whole slew of wonderful ladies to cry with me and listen to me and hug me since they felt such a part of this with me.
I was a missionary in Ukraine for 9 years and never was able to have children. When God did give me a husband at 42, his sons took me on and have been wonderful to me and I’ve truly developed a love for them and now, my daughter-in-law. I never expected to be a grandma so that is a double blessing. But the Lord has chosen to delay this blessing a bit longer (maybe forever, but I’m hoping not since they are both young and will most likely have other children.)
Thanks for the reminder. I have spoken several times at conferences and I lead Bible studies pretty much year round. It never gets “easy”, does it? I’ve not managed to get to the point where I feel like I know what I’m doing. I always feel as if I’m muddling through, yet women keep on coming and it’s growing. I thought it would get easier as time goes by, but it just doesn’t work that way, doesn’t it. Speaking and teaching doesn’t get easier (oh, sure, techniques can be learned), but we are always choosing to allow God to speak through us and live His life through us and we cannot possible do this (not for very long) on our own so it’s not something we “learn” how to do and then perfect it. The learning is in the giving up of ourselves and turning our lives completely over to Him.
What a wonderful thing you just wrote. Appreciate it,
Becky
Becky
I’m so sorry about your grandson. Your words are very encouraging: that it never gets easy to teach but people continue to grow. I really needed to hear that. I’m praying for you and your family.
Two things came to mind as I read this post. First, was an incident regarding my husband who preaches the gospel at funerals as if everyone in the place were going to die themselves before leaving. There have been quite a number of lasting new believers born over the years that since he started doing this. Because of the small but consistent harvest, this “funeral ministry” even has its own prayer team that intercedes for each event. Well last year, my husband did a funeral for a large academic audience that was so appalled by his gospel message (which had been requested by the deceased atheist’s christian mother), that many guests walked out, some called to complain later, and one went to the district superintendent to object. I knew in my spirit that funeral was a divine appointment for my husband to experience rejection, failure, and a frigid atmosphere. Didn’t know why though. As we know, warm fronts do blow in eventually, and his next funeral was about six months later. It was for a firefighter, so the place was packed with not only local leaders and other fire personnel, but also with the police and emergency workers who had been become acquainted with my husband through our chaplaincy outreach to these two departments. When the appeal for salvation was given during this funeral service, nearly every person in attendance accepted Christ. It was so overwhelming, he couldn’t even give me details about it for days because every time my husband started to speak he would weep. The moment he got home and told me about the souls redeemed that day, the Lord impressed a link upon me so strongly, I couldn’t even elaborate. And if you’ve ever heard me talk, you know that in itself is miraculous. “They’re linked, you know,” is what I had to tell him. “The funeral at the college and this one. After experiencing what you did at the atheist’s funeral, you were still willing to get up and speak the truth and offer the good news. God honored that and let you experience this today.” He was scared to death to get up and do it again, but he did. It was all in God’s plan. I remember God did this with him once before when he had a school assembly program. One assembly a disaster. Terrified and insecure, he did another, and it was a wonder. Everything else was identical… preparation, rest, prayer… he even wore the exact same outfit. The only difference was the reception of the audience. I figure, Jesus and his disciples experienced the same thing as they spoke, so my spouse (and you, Beth) are in great company. What was the second thing? I’ll post it separately. By the way, the atheist died by suicide.
Wow!! So good to read these words!! So often I wish there was a formula to really seeing His Holy Spirit work through me, but it is comforting to know that I should not seek formulas (did not even realize I was til I read your post!!) but just trust Him alone!!! I love that He is so big and so unpredictable in so many ways!! Don’t we all love a little mystery and He is forever surprising me in the most amazing ways!!!
Kimberly from Northern Michigan
I had to read this beautiful message twice. I needed it to sink in and take root. I needed to open my ears and really hear. I thank you from the bottom of my heart to speak so truthfully, clearly, and honestly.
There is stuff to learn from here, and I am praying that God will take it into my heart and mind and make it prosper to a point of it coming out through my calling.
How do you thank someone for bringing a fresh drink to a thirsty soul?
Thank You Father in heaven for blessing my life with a woman I think of friend, whom we have never met, but has touched my heart greatly.
Thank you Sister Beth!
Beth,
You are truly precious…..a Word in due season. God loves you, my friend. He knows you, and He loves you.
Keep sharing………….
Becky
This is why I respect you so.
Thank you for pouring out your wisdom on the topic for all the women felt called in this area.
amen and amen.
All your questions show you are still as baffled, blown away with the Living Lord as you ever have been. Keep asking because that keeps you always in contact with His purpose and will, but I think you know the answer–He’s so much bigger.
The closest thing I can parallel this to is God giving me three so very different children. I always said it was His sense of humor to not let me get anything too figured out. No real formulas and you get one chance at walking the tightrope without a net. No dress rehearsals. Just plenty of prayer, and a lot of placing the whole lot in His capable Hands. Whispers of “Lord, You know” and gulps of humility and tears when He rescues them from their own mother’s mistakes. He is amazing and so wholly other, thanks be to His incomparable Name.
I love you, Beth, mostly for some of your heart’s outpouring and honesty such as this post. And keep doing it “unorganized.” For a linear thinker like me, I spend a lot of time predicting the next point for speakers. But with you, we go for a sprawling walk, only to land at the bullseye of my heart’s condition. Predictable? no. Effective? In myriads of miraculous ways.
p.s. you wouldn’t waste a prayer on Tennessee right about now. major flooding in Nashville and all around there.
What an amazing post…the heart of God shown through your own.
“I’ve been thinking about something since a week ago Saturday that I’m not sure I can articulate well.”
I love the first line of this post in relation to the rest of your splatter-painted cool thougths, realities, wonders, and shocking sledge hammered revelations.
I am not sure I can articulate anything well most days either. All I can do is pray that I remain in a posture of clinging dependence on His plans and purposes so I don’t miss it. Whatever “it” may be. And “it” is never what I think “it” is. Not really, ever.
Standing in the gap with you Beth, in agreement and wonder at the mystery of this side of eternity and His crazy idea to make us part of “it”. However big, or small.
Kim B. – Florida
Weeping —– touched to the core . . .
God is good! It amazes me at how he works in our lives, right in front of our faces, and yet we don’t see it sometimes until it is finished. God always shows up in ways that never seem to amaze me! You are so right everyone is not called to be up front, but you were and you have blessed so many people! I pray that God continues to give us a word thru you! 4/24 was a day God chose to reveal a lot to me and i thank him for that!
I.hear.what.you.are.saying!!!!!
Simply profound, profoundly simple! Something I heard from Pastor Jon Courson.
Honestly, I love that HE is strengthening me in not figuring out “the formula.”
I am group leader in Bible Study at our church…and when it dosen’t feel right – I get nervous, preoccupied, after all I have experienced the unbelievable presence of GOD – so what am I doing wrong?
I pray I learn and my ego gets out fast. PRIDE! ICK!
Beth – Thank you for being obedient to God!!! Everything this entry said how very very true!!! You have taught me so much with the Bible studies you teach, books and this blog by allowing God to use you!!!
Beth, I have been waiting all week to hear from you. I so enjoyed my day last Saturday. I knew God was up to something amazing! I know He truly changed me through the powerful message of the book and the simulcast both.
Your vulnerability and honesty about this subject are so refreshing. As a pastor’s wife I see my husband struggle with this issue on a weekly basis! There is no rhyme or reason. Just to hear someone else verbalize it helps so much.
You have my utmost respect and love! May God continue to be glorified through Living Proof Ministries…
Beth…..that was a very Melissa-like post. I mean that in a deeply profound and thought-provoking way. 4:24 and 4/24 cool
“Think twice before you beg to be up front. This is the kind of thing you only want to do if you can’t keep from it.”
I hear what you’re saying, Beth. Do you know, I hear you talk about being flat and off but I’m waiting for the day that you are? It has nothing to do with loving you that much. It had everything to do with being find your messages address every SPECIFIC thing that I am going through. I mean, if the ladies at bible study are getting the same quality messages that I’m getting, they would have to BE ME. It’s more than amazing. That’s what makes people say “She doesn’t just love Jesus. I think she’s in love with him.” I can’t describe it! Here is my attempt: It’s like watching an elephant skate gracefully on thin ice! I don’t know if it’s the elephant’s faith, the skates, or the ice, but it’s WICKED AWESOME and I want me some of that!
I love that analogy Jessica!
Adrienne
It’s amazing to me how God continuously does things in ways where only HE can get the glory. God certainly used the messages from last Saturday to reveal several truths to me … I’m so thankful that HE was in control of your week leading up to the simulcast and knew exactly what needed to be shared!
Beth, sometimes it makes me sad when I think I would give anything to have a chance to sit and talk with you over a good cup of coffee. It truly is God doing the “thing” when you address things that baffle, distract and discourage me. His mysterious nature and ways can clog my understanding of a relationship with Him, where it seems that you’re able to rest in that sovereignty. I love that He’s above ANY little human being’s ability to figure Him out, yet I struggle in the “walk by faith, not by sight” thing. Thank you for letting me see Him through your eyes.
“Think twice before you beg to be up front. This is the kind of thing you only want to do if you can’t keep from it.”
I hear what you’re saying, Beth. Do you know, I hear you talk about being flat and off but I’m waiting for the day that you are? It has nothing to do with loving you that much! It has everything to do with your messages addressing every SPECIFIC thing that I am going through. I mean, if the ladies at bible study are getting the same quality messages that I’m getting, they would have to BE ME. It’s more than amazing. That’s what makes people say “She doesn’t just love Jesus. I think she’s in love with him.” I can’t describe it! Here is my attempt: It’s like watching an elephant skate gracefully on thin ice! I don’t know if it’s the elephant’s faith, the skates, or the ice, but it’s WICKED AWESOME and I want me some of that!
I love that even with his faithful, you, he wants to show you how amazing He is and how completely in control of the situation He is. Starting a year ago with placing this issue of insecurity on your heart, gathering thousands of woman together on one day, pulling you away to care for your family then giving you Eph 4:24 on 4/24. Awesome.
Thank you for your unashamed love and obedience to Him who makes all things possible.
I love you Beth.
Oh Beth. What great words. Words I have felt but couldn’t articulate in a million years. God has been sooo good to me over the years. But, in the last 2 years He has become my best friend. Our relationship has grown and deepened so much. I can’t tell you. In the fall of 2008 I could have walked away from my faith. It just wasn’t there anymore.
Then Believing God changed my heart and opened me up so much. My relationship has totally changed. Yet still today, I long for more. I want to hunger for Him the way you do. I want to hunger for Him the way I desire my diet coke or chocolate. I want to know him the way I know my sister and my closest friends. I want Him to work throug me. Then I realize He does work through me, when I keep my ego and pride in check. Those Sunday School lessons I just couldn’t get into, that came across so powerful. Not me I assure you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and challenging us to a deeper faith and relationship. I am blessed indeed.
Jan
What an awesome God we love and worship! Thank you for being you and sharing your heart. God has perfect plans for each of us and it is so exciting to be a part of His Kingdom work. To Him be the glory for all the wonderful things He does each day in our lives. Trust and obey always. In Jesus love.
Siesta Mama, thank you so much for your honesty. Your thoughts could not have been more timely for me. I was sitting here looking over surveys just conducted today for a new women’s ministry at my church. I was actually getting stressed that “I” didn’t know what to do and how to provide for all these ladies. I needed the reminder that it has nothing to do with me and I am not really doing it!
Although for some reason God has allowed me to hold these precious ladies’ thoughts and needs in my hands and pray over them. I guess it’s really just about obedience to what he has asked us to do, even when we doing have all the pieces or can see the big picture.
I totally got your muddled thoughts…they made sense to my own muddled brain! Thanks!
my head is swirling!!! but I *think* I understand…maybe…I wasn’t able to get to the simulcast.
But what I do know is that I appreciate His working through you so very much. I’m so glad that you’re faithful to serve us and Him in the ways that you do. And I also truly believe what you said about not wanting to be “up front” until He puts a body there.
Another thing that really rang true with me is when you wrote about not letting intimacy with him go…there will be a sowing. My 4th baby is now 12 weeks old and I’m feeling the lack. Add a move to the West coast on top of that (with my man already there and it’s just exhausting!) I’ve let my time with him slip due to lack of sleep and the things that must be accomplished and taking some “me time” to just vegg. But, praise Him, it’s coming back. And I’m so glad. Even if it’s just a few verse and 3 minutes of silence, I’m grabbing for it. The peace in my soul is so necessary…I’ve seen the lack show up in my children. Amazing how they’re my mirror. And it’s not pretty right now.
Anyway, it’s later than usually and I’m pretty sure Baby will need to eat in a few hours. Must get some shut-eye!
much love,
~rachel~
This right here is ONE of the many reasons I love you so much. Your transparency and tenderness. God knew He could trust you with a message for 300,000 because you still “stand amazed in His Presence.”
How could you say any more than you had already spilled out in the book itself? Yet the use of a simple acrostic has spoken to my heart and mind many times this week – and I KNOW that I am exceptional in life – and I’m going to continue to be exceptional as a wife, mother,mother-in-law and Gran Jan, because I am upended by grace and rebounded by love. That has gripped my heart this week.
Thank you for this: I love that He honors us by choosing us and humbles us by not even needing us.
Baffling indeed – and thrilling to my heart. I just love Him so. And I love you too.
Sleep tight sister,
Jan
Wow…I sit here almost in tears but my baby girl is still up and I prefer not to lose it in front of her. Long story short…today I gave up teaching a womens class that I had prayed about and received definite confirmation from the Lord that this was the direction I was to go. I can’t help but share what I learn even if no one wants to hear it. I have been reading “Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus” by Ann Spangler and it has totally rocked me…I have been sharing that book all over the place. Then today in the car on the way to church I just knew that I was no longer to teach that class. So, I submitted to that. A few years ago it would have all but killed me to give up something that I loved so much. Yet I am not the same as I once was and I for sure do not want to stay where He isn’t going with me. For one of the first times today I knew in my spirit that God, the God of the Universe, who made me, and loves me and knows where I live, He is able to call me where He wants me to go without me manipulating anything. I am quite frankly nauseating to myself. Ten years ago I would have thought I was going to tour the world and bless people with all 10 of the verses I knew…LOL!! Now, I just want to believe Him and rest in Him. I want to cease striving in my own strength.
Anyway, this just speaks a word to me tonight.
I have been loving this quote this week:
“Beware in your prayers, above everything else, of limiting God, not only by unbelief, but by fancying that you know what He can do. Expect unexpected things, above all that we ask or think. Each time, before you Intercede, be quiet first, and worship God in His glory. Think of what He can do, and how He delights to hear the prayers of His redeemed people. Think of your place and privilege in Christ, and expect great things!”-Andrew Murray
I know this sounds so elementary like preschool level but when you said what part is God’s and what part is man’s I thought… God’s part is providing and our part is accepting. You should know I’m not very good at comprehending what I read I’m much better in math and science. I know you were talking much deeper than that and I am so thankful for God’s calling on your life and the way He shares you.
I have been asked to speak 3 times. Twice with the “True love waits” talk and once at the emmaus walk. I really enjoyed speaking at the true love waits thing and lets just say God got me through the other talk. I would rather be singing I love to sing could sing all day could sing to a tree!!! I love you and I loved the 4/24 vs
I love the mysteries of God. His workings are beyond amazing.
P.S. Please be in prayer for the people of middle Tennessee. They are facing the worst flooding in history. We have been blessed in the area where I live. We are East of Nashville and are just now getting rain as I speak. I do hope that your worship team and the great people at LifeWay are ok.
Thank you so much for sharing this; it’s such a timely message for me. I’m honored to be called, but I have no clue why I’m called. Tonight was my night of “up front” ministry and I suffer from “sweaty-pit syndrome” when I’m nervous. (It’s real classy.) I was so blessed because there is nothing like feeling the anointing flowing through you and yet there is nothing more horrifying than thinking that you could step out on that platform without the power of the Holy Spirit.
I’ve been in mommy-mode for a little while and at times hiding behind my husband’s ministry, but God is bringing me out of the shadows. I just want my First Love to say, “That’s my girl with a heart after me.”
Tonight my little girl told me that she cried for the first time during worship because Jesus touched her heart while Mommy was leading worship. She didn’t know I was scared to death to be back up there. She didn’t know that I wished I had two fans aimed directly at my armpits. She just felt Jesus. And that just makes me weep because that had absolutely nothing to do with me. He is just that kind of God that shows up when I shut up. I just love Him so much!!
Much love.
That is so funny!! I sweat like I am running a marathon when I speak in front of the church! I actually had my sunday school ladies pray that no one would see my sweat rings!! But it’s so awesome when you get up there and know that God showed up!
This is why I love you so much. Thank you again and again Beth for your absolute honesty and pure heart. I don’t imagine the Lord will ever call me to do what you do, but your attitude toward serving and loving Him apply to whatever He has called us.
Beth,
Thank you for this “life” lesson, or maybe I should say “love” lesson. You’ve reminded us to look at Him, to trust Him, and believe that it’s all Him.
Thank you for being obedient in speaking what is laid on your heart. God is leaving a legacy through you. The words were anointed.
I just want to praise Him for who He is and how He works.
May He continue to work in and through you.
Beth, I love the way your mind works! And you articulated it so well…even when you did not, you did! I was asked to speak about a year ago and afterwards I cried all the way home and promised I would give up the thought of ever speaking again. About one year to the month, the same group of ladies asked me to speak again. I told them I would pray about it. I wrestled with God about that and fell more in love with the God of Jacob. I just KNEW He was saying “yes” to my very loud “no!” I struggled for weeks trying to put together a message. At the same time as this was happening, I was leading one of your Bible studies, it could have been Believing God but I was also showing your HE IS DVD to another group so am not sure which one. I was watching the DVD in preparation for the study and you said “your last victory does not guarantee your next victory”. I pushed the pause button and cried! I looked at you on the TV screen and asked you to please tell me that my last defeat did not guarantee my next defeat. After I dried my eyes so I could see, I pushed the play button…only to hear you say the very words I needed to hear! God was so very faithful. So – to read your attempt to explain God’s use of us is sweet. Thank you for attempting such a huge task. You ended with Deut 29:29. The verse the LORD gave me when I was struggling with the speaking engagement was Romans 15:18 – “For I will not presume to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me…”
I will end with the heart of Christ – “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.” John 17:24
May we see His Glory!
June
(BTW – my daughter tells me I Google the strangest things – apparently a flitter is a pancake)
I don’t speak but I do write and I “get” what you are saying. More than that, it was a fabulous reminder for me when I can get discouraged at times at what “I” might be doing wrong. Thanks for reminding me of God’s mystery and right to show up when and how He sees fit.
To date, one of the most heart-stirring, relevant and thought-provoking posts I’ve ever read here. Thanks for writing it; most importantly, thanks for living it.
peace~elaine
Oh Beth…love that verse in Deuteronomy. Thank you for sharing that. I think that all the time with my small group bible study. Sometimes I think things fell flat as a pancake and turns out it’s changing peoples lives. Then other times I share some amazing connection I’ve made in the Word and they look at me like I’ve lost a marble. I feel that way with prayer sometimes too. Some moments I can be overwhelmed by the weight and light of God’s presence and other times it’s very ordinary. I guess that is the consistancy. All His people experience His personality and presence similairly. It must be quite a trip to be interacting with so many people and getting so much feedback. Keep up the good work sister!
God is so good. Thank you for allowing Him to use you to help some of us (I must say, alot of us) to see Him more clearly and helping us to want to know Him more intimately.
Thank you Beth.
I recently have felt God calling me into a leadership role within our new church. (Leading a women’s bible study on weekday mornings.) I’ve been struggling with this because of pride issues, etc. These words you have shared really hit a spot with me. I plan on saving this and keeping it in front of me as I go through this journey. It helps me to keep the right perspective.
Thank you for your willingness to be open and share your experiences and thoughts with us.
Beth, that post resounded with me so strongly. The power is certainly not from us, as you reminded us in SLI about 2 Cor. 4:7 “We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”
My husband and I led small groups to help couples work on their marriages for years, which was funny, since we needed the most work. Somehow God blessed it, and then we moved to another state and didn’t get back into that same ministry. One day we realized we needed a marital tune-up, so we went to a marriage conference, and proceeded to have the worst fight of our life on the second day. It was dreadful, and we barely could eat or go back to the next session, thinking we’d just sit there and be invisible.
And then at the end of that session, the leaders asked us to form small groups with other attendees, to get a taste of their small group marriage curriculum. The person with the biggest shoe size would lead the small group. Of all the criteria they could have picked–my husband wears size 15! We felt so inadequate, almost filthy and broken by the quarrel we’d just had. But we just did the best we could to be faithful and share how we had led these exact same small group studies for years, despite our needs. We could not have been more surprised when 2 couples from our little group went forward to commit to leading groups back in their own towns–I’ve never forgotten how much God uses our faithfulness, even when we are cracked, dirty vessels.
Dear Beth,
THANK YOU for your honesty, for sharing your journey with us, and encouraging me in my walk with Jesus.
I can’t wait to get the DVD from the simulcast since I wasn’t able to be there!
The following along with Eph. 4:24 so touched my heart tonight.
“Just keep doing what we’re called to do. In season. Out of season. When we feel good. When we don’t. Believe Him to do something huge. Trust Him when you can’t even tell He did something small. Keep your heart in it and your big head out of it.”
Water came dripping through the kitchen ceiling from the home above me this am, and so I keep putting one foot in front of the other with a big industrial humidifyer taking the moisture out of the air. At least I have one! And, at least the situation was able to be fixed today….I am also very sick with strep-Grateful for doctors, and antibiotics-This all wasn’t in my agenda for the weekend or for today. But as I was reminded earlier today-God already knew all this would happen today-it’s not a surprise to him. Now, I go to bed with a sweet smile remembering I get to continue to do what I’m called to-running the race God has for me-For tonight that means resting, and getting healthy.
Thank you!
You would not believe the timeliness of this blog post. It would take several hours and a lot of Starbucks for you to understand. Once again I am in awe of God’s timing and I am grateful that you are willing to be a vessel to share His Word with us.
I can’t even believe I have a comment, as I don’t look at myself as a teacher, but God has put me in a facilitator role and now mentor role that in my wildest thoughts I would not be doing if you asked me 25 years ago. Me, the quiet, shy girl who knew that it truly was spiritual to clean the nursery or bathrooms at church and I knew I was fulfilling my calling at that time and didn’t want to ever be in front of a group. But then God sent a Bible study teacher that took us out of our comfort zone and asked us to take turns leading. That’s when God started doing something that only He could do. I’ve spoken before Bible studies and truly love facilitating because I can’t keep from telling others of His great works. But it is not natural for me at all. Every time I share/facilitate I wonder if I gave it my all, could have I done more? I thank you for the “muddled” part as it is now clear to me that it doesn’t always have to be clear. He is sovereign and my calling is to be obedient and stay ever close to Him and to prepare as best I can. I’m feeling a bit muddled even sharing, but it’s all so much clearer to me, if that makes sense. Thank you for sharing as I feel so much more secure in what I believe God has called me to. Never to be so comfortable that I think I have it figured out, but to be so dependent that He will guide be through, even if there are those times I wonder what happened with what I prepared. I better stop because this is getting more muddled as I type. Thanks for your authenticity, we need that so much in the body of Christ.
Thanks so much for sharing this Mrs. Moore!! I have been thinking and praying a great deal lately about leading a bible study for senior high school girls. A few days ago, the student pastor mentioned something to me about leading one. It seemed like God was answering me. But I can’t look past this feeling of inadequacy that I have. I’ve never done anything like this before, I’m not prepared for something like this. This is a huge responsibility. What if I say the wrong thing? I can’t speak in front of people; my words get all jumbled up in my head and never come out right and I get nervous to the point of being sick. I have doubts and questions of my own, how can I be the right person for this? Is this really what I’m supposed to do? I’m just a college student still discovering an all encompassing relationship with my Savior. Thanks again for sharing this. I really needed to hear this today. Also, thanks to you and the entire staff at living proof for everything ya’ll do. This ministry has truly been a blessing to my life. It has helped me rediscover the excitement of bible study at a time when I most needed it. Ya’ll have the coolest job ever!!
We are all discovering an all-encompassing relationship with Jesus! Its the teachers that aren’t concerned with the responsbility and trust that scare me!
Remember, GOD gave you this opprotunity. It’s not like HE didn’t know going in. This is HIS group! He dosen’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called!