Forgive.
It’s time to let it go.
That thing’s gonna eat you alive.
Wasting time.
Taking too much energy.
Emphatically, deliberately, bull-headedly – put every weighty ounce of it in the ready hands of God and let Him deal with it.
AND DEAL HE WILL.
Every time you’re tempted to pick it back up again, thank Him out loud that He’s busy handling it and that, once the battle is won in the heavenlies, you’ll see it evidenced on Earth. Prepare to become that evidence.
Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matthew 6:9-14
He forces the point for our own sakes. Otherwise, what on earth would ever motivate us to forgive what seems unforgivable? He is the immortal, invisible Only Wise God. Trust Him with it.
Forgive.
Or maybe it’s just me.
I love you guys so much. Let’s do the brave thing.
PS. I had not yet had a chance to read the comments from the previous blog post (Deeper Still video) because I’ve been so busy with Tuesday night Bible study. I just read them and wait till you see an excerpt I found from one of you and how it goes with this one. You even said that you knew it didn’t have anything to do with that post but you just had to write it. SO WILD. Girlfriend, God prompted you to make the comment so I’d see it and add it to this one. Here goes:
I have been holding onto unforgiveness toward my dad for leaving me as a little girl, and for continuing to hurt me into my present adulthood. I have fake-forgiven him, held onto it with one hand and to my First Love with the other. And let me tell you, the poison that my divided heart has let into my life is unreal…
No more.
NO more.
NO MORE! PRAISE YOU, LORD! THE KING OF KINGS!!
Pretty powerful, huh? SO, anybody else ever “fake forgiven”? It’s time we did the real thing.
I so struggle with this with my in laws. When we got the autism diagnosis on my son, they abandoned us. They ran because it was easier and left us to deal with it. Now that he is older and we have done all the hard work, they want to come back. I want to keep them out.
But it is all unforgiveness. I am printing this post and letting go!!!!
NO MORE!
Beth, I know what you mean. I struggle with this one, too. Laying it down, permanently. I believe I have forgiven, but what happens when the situation is a continual hurt? What do we do? Sometimes, some of these situations are ongoing and when the hurt happens, the temptation to get angry and "feel" unforgiving, sometimes even unloving, is at the surface. I know I do love them, because, surely this wouldn't hurt as bad if I didn't care a snit about them, you know what I mean? So it makes me think that I haven't forgiven them and am still trying to carry the weight of it on my own. I don't know.
If I really trust God over everythhing, than at some point I should realize that He sees this too and is allowing it for reasons unbeknownst to me, right? But where do I put that hurt? How do I leave that in His hands, when its continual? Or will hurt continue to happen, but trusting God to handle it, doesn't mean that the hurts will automatically disappear?
I have been wondering about this one for a long time.
Always,Beth, thank you for sharing and encouraging all of us. We love you a ton and pray for y'all!!
Siestas, thanks so much for sharing, too! Not that I am wishing lots of situations on y'all for forgiving or needing forgiveness, but there's just something about knowing that you are not alone, that others struggle with the same things, too.
Thank you…and just one more word:
WOW!
Love you all!
I sooooo needed this right at this very moment in my life. Thank you so much Beth. And I thank my dear sister in Christ, Diana for forwarding this to me on this day, as I had not yet checked in with you today.
Love, Nancy
This post was meant for me too. I've gone through a difficult situation with a family member recently and knew it was time to start forgiving…real forgiveness not fake. Thanks to you fellow Siestas I know I'm not alone in this today! You all have been such an encouragement to me. 🙂 Blessings to all!
Been there, done that. Recently the point that did it for me was to make it a sacrifice on the altar. Then I asked Him to BURN IT UP, then I would not even be tempted by it. (I can picture it all in ashes.) So FREE!! Love Him so, so much for making a way for me.
Forgive….sure that's easy right? Forgive and forget, that's the world's saying right? Does that mean something's wrong with you when you can't forgive and forget? The world seems to say yes. Jesus says, "NO! I want you to lay it at My feet, and let Me show you true forgiveness".
It's a verb, one the world does not define like God the Father does. It's an action that can ONLY be long lasting with Jesus as the epicenter and the Holy Spirit as the guide of your forgiveness journey. There's always some (or several) time(s) forgiveness in our life is a journey not a single event.
As we age, we see that more evident, just when we thought we forgave our daddy for his constant absence growing up, it comes. In the blink of an eye the rush of fear and/or anger takes over our heart. As one request to come home and visit become sweet words to you turns you into a frightened little girl ready to do what gets you his approval. And you ask, Where did that come from? I am a married woman with my own family, I cannot just drop everything?
Ah, a new path Jesus wants to take me down for healing. Sweet Jesus we continue this journey as You meet my needs, and fill the holes my life has left in my heart that weren't filled when they should have been.
What a Savior who is sufficient to meet my every need, known and unknown! Praise Him!
I, over the last couple of years, have lost a very close friendship with a girlfriend due to this challenge. Many, many months later I was told "of course I forgave you" but words and actions confused/confuse me. I understand this idea of "fake forgiving." I feel that is what I'm still getting; the hard part is it is justified in their mind – pretty obviously.
My challenge to her was to broach the idea of forgive and forget. That's what God does. Hardly something a human can do.
So, while I wish for my girlfriend to be a friend with me again, I go on as maybe it's not time for her to accept forgive and forget.
God is good all the time, regardless. I ask God to make sure I know when He's answered my question.
Thanks Beth. I need to remember to thank Him….instead of dwelling on "that thing" again.
Thank you. I have been in the Word and praying for God to show me. I moved away from my family several years ago, followed a guy I was madly in love with, married him, have 2 beautiful children, been blessed beyond imagination. God has opened so many doors and for that I give Him the praise! But, since my mom passed 4 years ago and my dad is in his 80s, I have been plagued that I have abandoned them, not taking care of them as I should. I did not do that intentionally. There were other circumstances at the time as well. Satan has been attacking me – and in the middle of the night especially, waking me up in panic attacks. I am so far away if something happened to my dad or his wife (CA to OK). But I can't ignore the blessings! I want to leave it with God. I can't keep dwelling on it. I have to let God take it!
Leaving the past in the past is often not easy. Our family has had one of the hardest years ever. Spiritual warfare is REAL! God's Word is our weapon of choice and we are learning to wield that Sword. Our children are memorizing scripture so they can fight back too. My scripture index cards are in my purse and go wherever I go. God's Word has become so precious and powerful to me. I am drinking it in daily. It's why we are surviving these difficult days. Isaiah 43: 13 "I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."
Mighty is our God!
julie
I am trying hard but every day the abuse of this person grows. I even apologized if I ever hurt her and the abuse continues. I just want peace.Maybe my faith needs to grow a bit. I will not quit trying! Thank you for this blog, Beth!
Amen.
I think I accidentally put that I moved from CA to OK in my blog entry when it was from OK to CA. It's traveling from CA to OK now.
My fiance called off our wedding this summer. He was right that we needed more time, but I was so hurt and embarrassed. Now he wants to get back together {the answer to my prayers}. I told him I forgave him, but it has been fake forgiveness. I KNOW need the real deal for this relationship to work.
Thank you for the Esther Bible study!!! I started it immediately after our cancelled engagement & I have grown closer to God everyday since. {I'm now on week 4 of "Believing God!"}
I was so mad at God. I was 9 months pregnant and my mom had a stroke and went into a coma. I had to enter a new chapter of my life without her. I was expecting to have a new baby and have my mom to come stay with me and pour out her maternal knowledge on me so I would be a great mom like her. I still tear up when I think back to that season of my life. Spiritually, I was numb for over year. Then I went to Deeper Still in Nashville, TN. Satan had thrown several roadblocks in my way to keep me from attending my divine appointment (guilt for leaving my little one overnight, a husband that didn't want to keep a little one overnight alone, money, etc.), but he did not succeed. That weekend I heard a sermon on David bringing the Ark back and how he got mad at God when the man touched the Ark and died. I felt that night that a spotlight had been put on me and that God was speaking directly to me. I had not even realized that I was mad at HIM. I was completely and utterly broken. I truly forgave God that night. I left Nashville a new woman.
I was so mad at God. I was 9 months pregnant and my mom had a stroke and went into a coma. I had to enter a new chapter of my life without her. I was expecting to have a new baby and have my mom to come stay with me and pour out her maternal knowledge on me so I would be a great mom like her. I still tear up when I think back to that season of my life. Spiritually, I was numb for over year. Then I went to Deeper Still in Nashville, TN. Satan had thrown several roadblocks in my way to keep me from attending my divine appointment (guilt for leaving my little one overnight, a husband that didn't want to keep a little one overnight alone, money, etc.), but he did not succeed. That weekend I heard a sermon on David bringing the Ark back and how he got mad at God when the man touched the Ark and died. I felt that night that a spotlight had been put on me and that God was speaking directly to me. I had not even realized that I was mad at HIM. I was completely and utterly broken. I truly forgave God that night. I left Nashville a new woman.
Too many fake forgivings in my life from me and toward me from others. Fake forgiveness is bad no matter what side you're on.
Real forgiving is hard work but so worth the journey. Great side benefit, you spend a whole lot more time talking to the Lord when tempted to pick up fake or unforgiving again. We get to talk with Him more than maybe we nornally would.
Thank you Beth.
Oh my!! I feel God talking straight to me. Last night, I asked for prayer in dealing with my dad and today I read this post.
Most people who know my dad tell us "he is a wonderful man", "you are so lucky to have him as a father". But in reality we never considered ourselves lucky. In my childhood my father was abusive (physically and verbally) and in jr high he shot my mom and then shot himself. By the grace of God they are both alive, but this left my father with limited ability to care for himself. 30 years later he is still verbally abusive but now he is also physically very feeble, only pinhole vision in one eye and has a degree of dementia. For the last 15 years the only people left to care for him are his kids.
Over this time I have laid him before God many times. But I always come back to the questions -Will he ever be happy? Will this ever end? Why?
With the dementia added it has become even harder to be around him. We each try to do what is right for him regardless of the heartache he causes. I know in God's hands all things are possible so as I lay my dad before God, I pray I keep my medeling hands off and by God's awesome power I will forgive him.
Pray God's love will be in our every word and our every touch.
I think the area where I have had the worst issue with faking forgiveness has been with myself. I tend to be so hard on myself. No pitty parties here, just the honest truth.
The more I see the truth about the root of pride, and the way Satan has twisted pride toward self hatred, the more I can see the root clearly and claim it under the redemptive power of Jesus. Oh praise His name He even saves me from myself. Thank the Lord the enemy has chinks in his armor. Thank God even more that He knows every chink and moves the Holy Spirit to reveal them to us!
Blessings to you as we draw closer to the protective wing of the Father. Oh how I need it!
Jina
Years ago, I would hold on to offense and anger, pretending to forgive…never dreaming the harm I was doing myself as I lived out don't get mad get even. I am so thankful I accepted forgiveness and can freely give it now.
I am ministering to a baby Christian now in this same area, they will benefit mightily from this post.
I read tht twice. Once this morning and now. I am slowly learning that what God sais is the way to do things. Absolutly . The more I step out and actually do the hard stuff ( like be the helper to my husband and not the leader ) The clearer and sweeter everything is.
Love you.
So true. You don't realize it has stolen things from you until you figure out that little by little every action, every thought, every relationship is somehow directed to or associated with that person. That you are better than them, they hurt you and you don't need them. and so you spend your life and your energy trying to prove to yourself that it's true. Instead of taking it to the Lord and stubbornly sitting at his feet unwilling to budge until you can let go of it. I am so there right now…Beth, I just started "Esther" in my small group and when you said "It's tough being a woman living in another woman's shadow" I almost choked. Thats what I have been struggling with…I can't seem to measure up to her shadow and I hate that I spend most of my time trying to. I can't forgive her for shadow, it isn't even something she did to me!! That was yesterday, and today…your post is about forgiving the things that are eating you alive. Like you say in the bible study? "Coincidence? Or just God being in the everyday trivial things we think don't matter." I think so. He knows me so well its scary.
Much love,
Sarah
Wow. Last night my husband and I had a discussion which led to a real argument. I felt bitter and unforgiving all day today, been trying hard to get over it, but I found myself re-playing it in my mind and saying the things I wish I could have thought of last night–not blessings. All day I have been praying to GET OVER IT. Then I open your blog.
Thankyou Lord for speaking loud and clear. I get it!!
Mama Siesta:
I think the real freedom from any weight carried around on our backs is true forgiveness. But oh did it ever take me 20 years to really forgive the one who did a ton of damage. But once I laid him on the foot of the cross for the last time… how much lighter did I feel. God is so good to hang in there with me while the fake forgiveness turned into the real deal.
Thank you Beth for reminding me of what is truly the right thing to do!
Love you and no it's not just you!
Lichelle
Thank you for this post. I needed to hear this. God can do this work in my heart. He has done it before. He can do it again.
Apparently, a lot of us needed a fresh word about forgiveness.
About two months ago I started going to counseling to "deal with my stuff" and this morning we focused on me forgiving myself. She gave me a whole slew of scriptures to study and meditate on for this week. So, that is precisely what I will do…meditate on TRUTH and not lies! Praise God for his HOLY WORD!
WOW!!!! Something to ponder.
How about when we fake-forgive ourselves? I have tried for years to "fix" myself first and forgive my "flaws" later without seeing that, in truth, I am powerless to do anything but thank Him for everything I am. I'm starting to really grasp that God does not want perfection, he REALLY wants ME exactly as I am right now. The calm quiet of forgiving myself for not being what I think I need to be, and accepting that I am precisely what he made me to be is something I desire enough to finally lay this behemoth at His feet and not want to pick it up again. Thank you, Beth. I so needed this today!
Perfect timing as usual!! Trying to forgive myself for leaving a bad marriage and for the poor choices I made because of it. It's harder to forgive myself than forgiving others!
What's been hard for me to forgive is people in church leadership who were abusive and never dealt with – never had to own the behavior. Having to forgive them, and then oversight groups (ie. elders) who were very aware of what was going on but didn't address it. Maybe they didn't know how to. But forgiving church "leaders" and forgiving oversight boards, and forgiving myself for staying in a place for so long when I should have left. It hurts to watch the abuse continue from afar – but what can one do?
Beth – do you think it's okay to decide that if a person – or a group of people – is systemically always in the middle of drama/trauma and just messiness – that is brought on by their own actions and inactions – do you think it's alright, even if you've journeyed closely with said person or group for a season – is it alright to determine you have to keep yourself in a place of healthy and safe and stable?
It hurts to "move away" from an unhealthy environment – but it hurt so much more (and was very depressing) to stay in it.
I just feel like on this issue – of abusive leaders / church environments – there is precious little teaching for God's people. One can end up feeling damned if they leave and utterly depressed if they stay. God help us.
(Hey – can this be your next book?? Now that insecurity is a wrap, can you move right along and tackle forgiveness???) (Smile).
(I posted last night – but under the name I use on the blog- and my comments weren't posted. Perhaps you thought others might view them and they would be damaging to others. I would certainly not want that. One thing I've watched a lot with forgiveness, or the lack thereof, is that Satan apparently loves no sandbox more than offense. Goodness knows I've lived a season or two so covered in sand it's coming out my ears, eyes, nose and mouth. Anyway, sorry if my original post was written in an unkind spirit. I felt like I was dredging last night.)
Bless you, Beth dear, and LPM sisters. It feels so good to get to be honest, even if (or perhaps esp. since) I can do it anonymously.
I want to do the REAL work of forgiving once and for all.
I was just reading "Weight of Glory" by CS Lewis and he states very much what you did–there's no other way.
“This is hard. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single great injury. But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life—to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son—how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night, ‘forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.’ We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions, and God means what He says.”
He concludes: “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
May the authentic work of forgiveness be done as He desires in each of our souls.
Beth,
Even as I write I have tears of regret for a time I absolutely said I forgave my husband of an offense and I had not really forgiven him. We went to counseling (i'm all for it), we did the husband wife thing and mom and dad thing but the underlying tone of my unforgiveness was always there. We fought more than ever, said things to each other we had never said to each other in 19 years etc. God finally got me to a place where I could see that I had to trust Him with every hurt I had (and there were many) concerning the matter. I literally got on my face and gave it over to God. I mean I layed on the floor and pushed my nose into the carpet and bawled my eyes out to God. When I got up I knew then that healing could begin and as only God would have it, restoration began to take place in my marriage and my home. I am so glad I gave into God and truly forgave my husband. I had to understand that God has forgiven me for just as much sin and probably with just as many tears. I love God so much for gently showing me what needed to happen in my own heart and it was and still is the most freeing experience I have ever had.
Much love to you,
Royana
So amazing. Recently I was face to face with the very person I have to keep laying before the Fathers feet. It has been nearly 20 years since I have seen this person and still the hurts run deep.
But I have to say God has helped me so much. Even though this person took the oportunity to try and tear me down, God had forwarned me and I was able to walk in dignity. The very thing this person didn't want me to have. Thank you Lord. Praise your holy name.
"Forgive.
It's time to let it go.
That thing's gonna eat you alive.
Wasting time.
Taking too much energy."
OH. MY. GOODNESS. The timing on this one is no less than scary. Okay, maybe I shouldn't say scary but an unquestionable GOD thing. Really.
My husband and I have been experiencing a lot of pain in the past 2 1/2 years over a situation with a family member who is an addict. A few weeks ago the situation escalated and it's been a tiring, sad few weeks. Worse than the sadness when things first started to go south.
Earlier today, while driving somewhere (and before I read this post) I was wondering how do I forgive him and the other family members that continue to handle this situation inappropriately? How do I forgive when I know fresh wounds are coming?
I wish I could say I could just lay it down and never pick it up again. But, like the quote I took from the "Sum Up Your Life In 6 Words" post back in January says, "By God's grace . . . second chances allowed. (I added my own "and 3rd and 4th and 5th…") So, every time I pick it up, I'll lay it down again. And, then, someday, hopefully soon. I'll just leave it laying there for God to deal with once and for all.
2 Cor 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." His Spirit dwells in me and so I can trust . . . I CAN be free from unforgiveness of this family member.
Thanks for this post, Beth. Thank you to the person who inspired it. So timely.
I think I'm going to lay it down now. Pray I don't pick it up again.
Laura P.
Pleasant Hill, CA
I love this and needed to read it today.Just yesterday I learned the true meaning of what "your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven"
I will add my voice to the many that said that this post was for them-it's for me!!! I've also been blessed by reading through what all the siesta's have shared. God has taught me ALOT about forgiveness through the years and healing from the past. Now is the struggle of living in the consequences of anothers' sin. The consequence effects us daily even though the sin is long since done and been repentened of. So daily I wake up and start the mental battle. I was struck by the reminder to let God deal with it. I guess I still have alot more to learn, Praise Him for His Mercy! God cares so much about all of us and what we are going through He used you Beth,and your blog(as He has so many other times)to give us a word in due season. In Jesus' Love Kathy Knoblock
Thank you! As with many others – I need to hear those words! I think I have been holding onto some level of unforgiveness that I have been justifying by saying that I can forgive but do not have to trust (the man that I allowed for too many years to be verbally and emotionally abusive to not only me but my kids as well; my second husband). I'm pretty sure God wants me to start working on this marriage after a year of separation and my heart is torn. But I am feeling the poison as well and it is not fun. So I'm trying to let go . . . and trust Him. So, thank you!
Amy in CT
I struggle with forgiving my Dad!! and I work with him. He always makes me feel worthless. Today was an overwhelming day and I had fussed about it as I went to get my lunch. As I sat at my desk eating and still fussing I read your post! It brought tears to my eyes and immediately turned the computer off. This evening I reread the post and know I need to forgive and leave it at His feet. But, it is so hard!
As someone else said I struggle with the forgiving and forgetting. I also struggle with the honor your Mother and Father command.
I went to Deeper Still this weekend and I want to thank you. It was great. Every part of it. You are all amazing.
Thank you!
Oh Beth….I'm 51 years old, and I'm not sure I'll ever truly understand what "forgiveness" really means…..
I'm posting anonymously, because I'm too ashamed for anyone to see my name….
I think so often we live in a world that teaches us to fake forgive. My parents always made me say I'm sorry and you're forgiven even when i wasn't sorry or wasn't ready to forgive.
That pattern followed me to adulthood. I still fake forgive. I fake forgave a pastor who screwed up my view of the world and emotionally abused me. And years and years later am i only finding out that i didn't really forgive and let God but carried that grudge the whole time.
What really helped me was once when you said (can't remember where or when) that God did not ask us not to get revenge because He was trying to deprive us of the right to get even but rather that He was trying to relieve us of the burden of having to somehow make it right or even. Right then, I was able to let stuff go more than I had before. It is a process though – just when I think I have let go of the hurt I find another way I am holding on to it.
Thank you, Beth, for the reminder that the battle is in the heavenlies. That helps me so much. When I remember the battle is there, I remember it's not my battle but the LORD's and that He will surely win it. "I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry." Ps. 40:1
So, I totally needed this post right now. There's someone who used to be in my life who hurt me pretty badly and every once in awhile, the pain comes back and I have to keep reminding myself to give it all to God and forgive her before unforgiveness, as you said, eats me alive. These last few days, the pain has been back, and this post is a much needed encouragement to hand it all over and let Him handle it. He's much more fit to do so. Thanks, Beth! God bless! Love ya!
I'm wondering about the Breaking Free study I've just started, since we are on the topic of forgiveness. If God pulled me out of something years ago, will Breaking Free dig up those old bones and make me feel depressed or like it's unresolved, when really, it is? I love Beth's studies, but am a little concerned about it….
I want to forgive, I just don't know how. My dad left me when I was little too and I've only seen him a handful of times. I invited him to my wedding to walk me down the aisle despite hardly knowing him and he wouldn't come.
I got married and my husband cheated on me. Twice.
I am hurting. I want to forgive but I have tried and I can't seem to get past it.
ran into my husband and his mistress the other day. rage, fear,panic filled me so I honestly thought I would faint. went over to confront them but…sweet Jesus pushed me to the side and spoke through me. I hugged her, told her I missed her and I forgive her. the flood of peace was unreal. Jesus!!!!
my Lord in Heaven; praise be to the HOly of HOLies, deliverence is done, for me and my loved ones , especally all those I have truly now forgiven, my mom, stepdad and so many others ,and especally myself. He has set me free, and has dealt with me bountifully!! I am seeing God change my sweethearts life and heart right before my very eyes, the HoLy Spirit is doing the work, I am a quiet, humble vessel, slow,steady,and tender Jesus is calling my sweet man home to make his heart right with the Lord, and it is so beautiful to see the softening of his spirit grow, praise God, He has his hand on this one, and Jesus will not let him go!!!!!! Comfort to all who just may need to hear that a miracle is goin on, Angels on the Wing!!!!In Jesus name I Praise,amen…Susiexoxooxoxoxoxoxox
Truly forgiving someone changed my life!…it was a painful and HARD thing….but GOD'S WORD IS TRUE…and people who didn't know a thing said, 'Boy, you've really changed in the past few years…'…..GLORY TO GOD…if He can change this ole' hard headed lady, He can change anyone's heart!!! (Of course, now He is working on another thang..ouch)
Thanks for the reminder!! I am in a time of unforgiveness to someone that doesn't even know it and it is torturing me. Lord, help me to forgive…..