Forgive.
It’s time to let it go.
That thing’s gonna eat you alive.
Wasting time.
Taking too much energy.
Emphatically, deliberately, bull-headedly – put every weighty ounce of it in the ready hands of God and let Him deal with it.
AND DEAL HE WILL.
Every time you’re tempted to pick it back up again, thank Him out loud that He’s busy handling it and that, once the battle is won in the heavenlies, you’ll see it evidenced on Earth. Prepare to become that evidence.
Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matthew 6:9-14
He forces the point for our own sakes. Otherwise, what on earth would ever motivate us to forgive what seems unforgivable? He is the immortal, invisible Only Wise God. Trust Him with it.
Forgive.
Or maybe it’s just me.
I love you guys so much. Let’s do the brave thing.
PS. I had not yet had a chance to read the comments from the previous blog post (Deeper Still video) because I’ve been so busy with Tuesday night Bible study. I just read them and wait till you see an excerpt I found from one of you and how it goes with this one. You even said that you knew it didn’t have anything to do with that post but you just had to write it. SO WILD. Girlfriend, God prompted you to make the comment so I’d see it and add it to this one. Here goes:
I have been holding onto unforgiveness toward my dad for leaving me as a little girl, and for continuing to hurt me into my present adulthood. I have fake-forgiven him, held onto it with one hand and to my First Love with the other. And let me tell you, the poison that my divided heart has let into my life is unreal…
No more.
NO more.
NO MORE! PRAISE YOU, LORD! THE KING OF KINGS!!
Pretty powerful, huh? SO, anybody else ever “fake forgiven”? It’s time we did the real thing.
yep, that post coulda been written by me. beth–remember in greensboro deeper still when you talked about a troubled relationship but you're the only one who knows it (talking about your dad)? i was nodding my head like a bobble-head doll. i'm going to have to pray on this one for a while… thank you for sharing it!
When I had a hard time forgiving, I decided to practice "fake it till you make it." In other words, I fake forgave until I actually could totally forgive for real.
Hugs,
Melinda
Hit me right in the heart. I need to have some carpet time soon–I know holding onto unforgiveness only hurts me. Even something that I have just reason to be angry about–still only hurts me. There is such bitterness in my heart, I know it, it shows in my attitude, it comes out as cynicism and it's ugly. I need to go to the hard places-I know it, I'm just afraid of the pain.
Amen and Amen!
Something I have definitely been learning a lot about this year both when people have asked for forgiveness and the relationship has been healed and better than ever (praise to Jesus!!!) and when it seems that will never happen and I still choose to forgive and ask God to bless those who have cursed me!
The second instance was not easy and not "natural" but something I had to choose to do. I had to leave them in the Lord's hands and ask for him to help me forgive because the only person that hurts from unforgiveness is me… and I had already hurt enough without adding that to it!
Thanks for this great word to cut to the heart of it all!
Angela
Real forgiveness is definitely hard for me. I've had such a hard time forgiving my mother for things in the past. Even after I've "forgiven" her (and other people) for something it's so easy for me to just pick it back up. It was so good to see this blog post today. God has really been showing me that forgiveness is something that I have to consciously choose to do. I have to give that feeling of anger to God and let Him deal with it.. and I know that He can and will. I don't want any bitter or angry feelings to take a bite at my delight. I don't want to fake forgive anymore. 🙂
Thanks for the reminder/encouragement, Beth. Hope your day is wonderful 🙂
Love you!
Emilee
Oh yea, I hear your 2 minute broadcast on the radio each morning. I've really been enjoying them this week.. and every other week too 🙂
Hey,
Just wanted to give Melissa a shout out and let her know that she is missed on the blog. I love the subjects she brings up. I know she is busy studying but let her know we're praying for her. No pressure to respond at all just a reminder that we're thinking of her while she is working hard at her studies.
I did a lot of fake forgiving before this summer. Dear Lord I forgive them, but please if you don't mind… run them over with a herd of elephants.
That's not what Jesus wants from me or for me!
This has been a huge season of forgiveness, the real, life changing kind. I forgave my exhusband and my (once) abusive Stepfather… and I called my first X to Ask for forgiveness. Sometimes we think we just need to forgive others. I learned that I needed to receive forgiveness too.
Blessings, C~
Psalm 138:8 The Lord will fulfill his Purpose for me.
Everything I "happen" to read and study shows me God is working and digging to get this "cancer" out. I'm thankful for HIS incomparable power (Ephesians 1:18-21). Beth, the Esther Study was so encouraging and motivating.
need lots of bravery
sometimes i just feel fake
need a lobotomy in my mind
in my heart. Need Christ's mercy to meet me where I can't find where I am at? Take the muzzle off of my mouth off of my mind, off of my heart, so I can do the brave.
This is an awesome post. Does fake forgiving yourself count? I feel like I have a harder time forgiving myself than anyone else in my life. I am going to re-read your post over and over again until it truly sinks in. Thanks so much!
thank goodness you still have your archives on this new site…. i thought i'd lost Melissa's swiss choc cake recipe! thank you july 2008– what an index-that was the best cake!!! thank you, Melissa and hope you are staying dry and studious!
Having made "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors" my favorite stopping point in the Lord's Prayer, I didn't think I had an issue with unforgiveness. Yet, Beth's post showed me that it's not enough for me to stop fixating (as she has encouraged us to do at Bible Study) on when my boss and our client will recognize that it's MY turn to go to Angola and not just the men on our team or to bounce between righteous indignation and earthly wisdom (selfish ambition & bitter envy — Jms 3:17?). Rather, I need to stop whining to my coworkers about "injustices" and "let go" those offenses from myself.
The more I forgive perceived wrongs, the easier it is for God not only to show me what's really going on but also to bless me with the very thing (or better) that I felt I so deserved.
This even pertains to my relationship with God. 40 years of singleness had bred resentment at times towards our Father for keeping me lonely. I battled it out with God just before I turned 40 in late July and finally let go my perceived offense towards Him in this area. Wouldn't you know it — God introduced me in early August to the man of God who asked me to marry him last Saturday (talk about a revelation, siestas)!
Let it go, girls! Let's not hold onto any offense, real or perceived, that would prevent us from receiving all the blessings God has for us, through us, and between us!
Praise Him, praise Him, praise Him!
Emily
Yes…fake forgiveness is something that I've done before. Sad to admit that I've done it many times. No more though! True forgiveness equals true freedom….and I want FREEDOM!
Wow, I was about to call it a night, and God called me here. I needed this reminder. Here recently, like just this past weekend, my family had to break away from a church we had been attending for the past three years due to some unGodly conduct from leadership. I'm living your post today, and feeling such relief from my Father in heaven! It helps knowing he sees everything and also will judge everything. I'm called to forgive and leave it, and I'm following that call.
Thanks for letting God lead,
Amber
Fake forgiving….. wow, that is really 'messing in my business…' Sigh. But how very true. Okay then, here goes……..with my hand in my Father's.
karen:):)
WOW!
That is powerful!
I am in a healing group right now, dealing with
childhood sexual abuse. All night, I kept thinking, "I wish Beth Moore were teaching this because she gets it." I was actually in grief to be re-living the grief and then in a new grief in the new moment because these teachers couldn't completely meet us. Make sense? Beth, I wish there were DVD's on the healing of childhood sexual abuse.
what a word!!!! been battling some junk in the mind today. it has even gotten into my dreams. I need to put it down. take those thoughts captive. and trust.
Sometimes hard to know the difference between 'fake forgiven' and still feeling the hurt.
Easy to say, hard to do. Many times, I have thought I had forgiven someone only to reveal later that deep down in my heart, it just wasn't true. Much loss, hurt,and anger buried there. Stuck in the grief process. Asking Why did they or why didn't they and I am scum because I couldn't forgive them. I am not alone. But because I love my Lord, I said I would do it for Him. That He may be glorified. Perhaps now, it is finished.
Kels
I'm really working on this Mrs. Beth. I know my ministry and my testimony depend on it. It is my own lack of humility that prevents me from complete forgiveness. I have sinned in the name of self-preservation, and taken up my right to be angry as readily as one who does not know the Lord. The Lord's ways are higher than the ways of man therefore we Trust in the Lord, in His Word and His promises.
Pro 16:6 By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil.
Pro 3:3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.
Pro 16:7 When a man's ways please the LORD, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Oh.
Oh my.
That's pretty much all I have to say right now.
Some days it feels like I'll I've done the past few years is forgive. Finally I've realized that 1) some times "loving one another deeply" means keeping healthy boundaries and distances. It seems incongruent – but when your journey intersects you with those who have an amazingly high track record of being unable/unwilling/ not knowing how to maintain healthy long-term relationships – and letting friendships grow, breathe and change without destroying them – then guess what? There's a real strong possibility I'm not going to be the first one to model healthy / mutual / peer-based (as opposed to "leader/congregant" based) friendship with them.
I've had to let myself off the hook on this.
So, part of forgiving this past season for me has included: forgiving people when their skill set or their character doesn't seem to match the position they've been entrusted with; forgiving those who were in oversight positions for seeing the damage being inflicted but for whatever reason/s choosing not to address it; and forgiving myself for not being able to call a spade a spade years ago (loyalty can be a bear sometimes); and on and on it goes.
Who knew that forgiveness could so dominate so much of our lives? My gracious – it hasn't always been such a dominant area of my life. Sure, it's always in the mix somehow/ someway – but to so dominate it. I've had to wise up and say: "If you are closely sharing life with people who have such an astounding track record of destroying relationships – then yep, you're going to be circling the wagon again and again and again on forgiving them." And then finally, "God, I love these folks, but can I and my family move along to another place where everything isn't somehow about messy, messy, messy – and me (and so many others – most of whom wised up and graciously left long before we did) so completely consumed in forgiving?"
Heaven is going to be a lovely place for so many reasons, not least of which is that those we dearly, deeply love, but who seem to suck the life blood right out of the air – it will all, finally, be alright. We will be able to "love deeply" and love "closely" – not from safe, but necessary, distances.
I finally started writing down what the Lord was teaching me and where my head and heart were at in the process (I thought this was a much smarter economic option than going to visit with a therapist – b/c honestly, that was my first choice – but you know, in rough economic times, women have to get creative with their "processing" needs).
And here's what I've titled my musings so far ('cause there's nothing I love more than a good title…): As We Forgive Those.
It's the "As" I have to keep holding onto for dear life. As – as in, this is a journey. Some of the deep pain others live in, when it sloshes onto me, requires me to position myself right at the foot of the Cross – not a few feet back, but rather clutching and holding on for dear life. Knowing that the One Who hung on it had the word "forgive" on His tongue and in His heart.
(Thanks, Siestas, for listening. If you were here, I'd promise I'd make you a fresh pot of coffee for your kind ear — and I'd even give you the leftovers of the moose meatloaf we had tonight. And that's saying something, because moose meatloaf leftovers are highly prized in these parts).
Warm (and wordy tonight) in Alaska.
How right you are. It's so hard to forgive someone who has wronged us yet Jesus died for ALL of us. Seems so senseless not to forgive someone for whatever reason when you actually think about what Jesus did for us. Thanks for always making me think. Ya'll are the best. Love ya.
"fake forgiving"-appearing on the outside like I have forgiven my preceived "wrongs" that have happen
during my lifetime, but inside holding on to them until like a tea kettle the steam starts coming out along with a whole lot of noise. I really struggle with this. When I "backslide", I make the excuse in my mind what does it matter if my perception of the "world" has changed if the "world" is still the same. Sometimes the journey seems so long and I want to conform to this world. Romans 12:2
God is so faithful, My mother is on her death bed and I have been a physical and mental wreck and couldn't understand why, being a Christian for many years. When I opened your blog this morning it was like a gift from God. I realize I have to forgive my mom, even though I thougth I had years ago.
thanks for you faithfulness to this blog. I don't often wrtie in but i read it and always ministers to me.
Love you,
Gina Kelley
CT
Right now I am waiting on someone to forgive me. And it is hard. Knowing that you hurt someone long ago, confessed it, repented of it, laid it before God and now I wait. Waiting on someone to forgive you for an extended period makes you wonder if it is forgivable. I know that it is – but in those brief moments . . .
Kim . . . who is
Grafted by Grace
People in this world will think you are weak and stupid when you choose to forgive and let it go. But you are not. Not only do I choose to forgive, I actually pray for that person and their family and I am a healthier person because of it.
whew … my daughter's teacher/principal really ganged up on her last year (5th grade) … she is not a rules girl, she asks questions, smart as a whip and friends have described her as an old soul ever since she was 3 … she didn't fit their mold, and every time she turned around she was blamed/shamed for the littlest of things .. by the end of the year, she was a broken girl … we had a great summer, but school is no longer a place she wants to be, but she does it. Bottom line, I can't find it to forgive them, I pray about it, and I agree … it tears me apart. I know the blessing of letting it go, which makes me mad at myself. Sigh … thank you so much for this post, you changed the trajectory of my prayer time this morning.
I LOVE LPM … you guys truly rock and are a rock in my spiritual walk!
Kim
What if you think you have forgiven the person and yet what if you are wrong? I have seen the deceitfulness of my own heart at times! My mother and I, never really bonded. She has a difficult time displaying emotion toward me…I have heard I love you one time from her as an adult. She has many sisters, who she spent a lot of time with, so maybe you only need so many close friends! Who knows…I believe I have forgiven her for all the wasted time that "might have been", and the coldness she has toward me as a child, and then toward my own children. Those six wonderful beings are the highlight of my life! And now with seven blessings in grandchildren, my cup runneth over with joy.
Yet, my mother and I still have never been able to connect and over the years have lost touch. I still hear how she is doing from my younger brother, who is very close to her. And rarely from my older brother, who is not very close with her either. Does this mean I have not forgiven her? When I examine my heart I don't have any ill feelings…I just don't feel anything toward her. I never really knew her, she worked nights and my father raised me. He loved me soooo much…oh how I miss him! He died when I was pregnant with my last child. But he is with Jesus! I can't wait to see him some day soon!
I spent many years at the feet of Jesus laying down the feelings and memories of abandonment, neglect, and hurtful words I had received from my mother. After what must have been the zillionth time, I finally never needed to return! Jesus indeed set me free from the pain and thoughts of ill treatment and neglect from her! Yet after all these years later and the loss of contact, I wonder…could it be I haven't forgiven?
It would break my heart to think I would hold something sinful close to me and offend the Lover of my soul when I meet him face to face! Just wondered if anyone else has insight into how you know you have truly forgiven someone else.
Blessings to you all in Christ Jesus!
~Jennifer
So often I hear that the forgiveness of Christians is weakness! This Christian knows it takes a great deal of His strength to break the strong hold of unforgiveness.
I think I need to needlepoint "LET IT GO" and hang it where I'll see it everyday!! I'm a YO,YO! Oh, I like that too……. "don't be a yo yo, let it go go"! Thanks Beth for your comments on this subject.
Wow. Just in time for me to figure out I do not hold the forgiveness card, He does. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the post. I love Him and love you Beth. Today, I forgive for realsies!
AAAAAAA-MEN!!! I gotta run. . . . got to go lay this burden DOWN and forgive. Thanks!
I am currently in therapy dealing with all sorts of abuses from both of my parents. I like to think I have forgiven them, but am not sure I have. I do know that I really want to write my mother and tell her the way of salvation…she won't take it seriously as she is at the church every time it opens, but in my opinion, no one can do to a child what she did to me and be saved. She is out of state along with 3 of my sisters so I have had no contact with them in years, yet when my mother dies, will I discover I have to forgive them if they suddenly contact me?
Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping it will kill someone else. – Ken Sande
Amen, makin' my way.
Oh, my friend, how I needed this today. Thank you so much. I sure do love Him (and you.)
Precious,
Nikki
Great post! Reminds me of something read to us in Bible study this week. It was specifically addressing forgiving our spouses, but it can translate to all people.
In essence, it said that when we are unwilling to forgive someone not only are we being self-righteous, we are also placing them on the cross. It said that we need to take that person off the cross, because Christ already died for their sins as well.
That really hit me this week. I have thought of it everyday since. I often think about Christ dying for my sins, but I hardly ever think about the fact that He died for the sins of those committed by others against me too. I was humbled and grateful to be convicted by that this week. Thanks for the post!
Chrystie
Awesome!
Yes – I have fake-forgiven and it always comes back.
And I have really forgiven and I was FREE! Praise HIM!
love you Beth!
Sister Lynn
GIRL!!! Each time I begin one of your studies I ask God to change my name thru it and He has been faithful. When I did "Breaking Free" God showed me that I not only was an unforgiver but that I came from a L O N G line of unforgivers! I mean L O N G!!! It just blew my mind how I could look someome in the face and tell them I loved them all the while my heart was doing flip-flops of fury. Thank you God that He makes ALL THINGS NEW!! That His mercy is new every morning! That he can "bara" in me a pure heart!!!
Sister's if you'll let Him, if you'll ask Him to help you take captive those thoughts I can tell you with the story of my life that HE WILL!!!! HE IS FAITHFUL!! Praise you Father!!!
(sorry for the yelling but I just gotta testify!!)
Val
Guilty!!!! I have never heard this before. Please forgive me Jesus. I have done this so many times!!!
Great post. Sometimes it's so hard to forgive.
I was hurt so bad, and they never acknowledged that they hurt. But when I finally did forgive and let it go, it felt so much better!
Oh yes, I have "fake forgiven" my mother in law at least 1,000 times. I know its fake because everytime she hurts my family again, I quickly recall every past hurt and the ugly pile grows and grows til it almost chokes me. I want to really forgive, OH LORD HELP ME.
Yes…I recently talked to my family on the phone. I moved to the other side of the country to get away from it all…not have to face the pain of loving them so much, but knowing bc of past sins done to them, they would only hurt me. I want to forgive…and I have forgiven, but I physically can't bring myself to allow them back in my life other than holiday phone calls. How do you allow someone back in your life if you're not sure they will break your trust again?
O my! I can't believe this is the post for today! I am dealing with this right now! When I pulled this up and saw the word Forgive I almost died!! God spoke that straight to my heart!! It is TIME!! I'm doing it! It is done!
Thank you so much!!!!
Oh my. Do I ever need this message this morning.
My wedding day in 1997…my husband's father (married man) was his best man and my sister was my maid of honor. On our wedding night they began an affair that lasted years.
The hurt and anger and bitterness took root DEEPLY in our hearts. Yes, we eventually said we forgave them…but did we really? No, of course not. I still held on with one hand and never really let it go. I lay it down and snatch it right back and I exhaust myself in every way because I don't let go of that thing. If I could just leave it and know that my Creator, my Father, my Almighty God will deal with it…Never pick it back. Never return to it…
And I suppose while I am at it, I need forgive myself for my own self-destructive behaviors. Even though I have stopped doing them. I still carry it around with me.
And maybe I should do the same with the person who sexually assaulted me as a teenager. Oh if I could forgive and never return to that… I can. With God's help, I will. Today. Lay. It. Down.
Thank you. Perfect timing.
Love,
Anne
I may have to go back to Him every minute of the day – but go back I will, and lay it down again, and leave where it belongs – in His hands.
Thanks
rebecca
Timely post for me. Two relatively minor and unrelated infractions yesterday had me all stirred up. Thanks for reminding me to let it go and forgive!
Love to you,
Allyson
THank you!!!!!
I was just lying in bed praying the Holy Spirit consume so that I would not hold hatred toward someone who has hurt me. This post was the Lord speaking to me.