WOMEN: Want to help me out? Get as many men as you can to (anonymously!) answer this survey! Since I am studying our culture as a whole, I’ll welcome any man’s comments regardless of his religious affiliation. All I ask is that they respect the nature of this blog and watch their mouths a tad just like I’d want you to do. By now you’ve probably figured out that I am researching and writing on the hot button of women and insecurity. Many months ago when I surveyed you on the topic, I told you there would come a time when I’d want to ask the men some questions. The time has come. Perhaps you’ll be a little more motivated by the fact that I am actually going to post their answers (anonymous ones only). If they shoot straight with us, it should be pretty insightful. I only need to say this to a very few of you so the rest of you overlook this statement:IT WOULD BE THE LAMEST THING EVER TO POSE AS A MAN AND POST ANSWERS TO THIS SURVEY JUST TO GET A KICK OUT OF YOURSELF. Totally dumb. Refrain. (I’m no longer blogly naive.) That aside, thank you so much for your help! I can’t wait to see what we learn!
MEN: For the last 6 months I’ve been researching the topic of women and insecurity for a book I’m feeling prompted by God to write. Though I know that men have as many insecurities as women, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist (male or female) to know that they differ, and often dramatically. I’m hoping in the book to offer a little insight to women concerning those differences and, of course, any similarities where they exist. Here’s the most important part before we ever get to the survey:
You need to know that my expressed purpose is to gather research for writing and speaking. By giving answers you are giving me complete permission to quote you in full or in part in any format that I find helpful. Due to the survey-nature of this blog and the way I need to use the material, ONLY ANONYMOUS POSTS CAN AND WILL BE POSTED. I would, however, love to have your age if you don’t mind putting that in your answers. That’s optional though.
If you’re still game, this is all I ask: that you’ll be completely honest and tell us anything you wish you could say if you could stay anonymous. Say as much as you can without crossing a line into something blatantly inappropriate for a blog like this. I’m so grateful, guys. OK, here are the two questions. Try to keep your answers limited to one average length paragraph each. You stand to be a really great help to us. I commit to you that I will try my best to be fair as I represent your gender in the material that results from your answers.
1. What are your primary areas of insecurity and how do they tend to act on you? (In other words, how do you normally act when you’re feeling insecure?)
2. What is the most common way you notice insecurity in women?
That’s all there is to it!
PS. Don’t expect the answers to get posted right away because I’ll need to read through them pretty carefully and I’ll also let them stack up a while so that I can post them in chunks. I appreciate all of you so much and don’t take lightly that I have access to this kind of information. If you’re willing, please say a prayer for me as I write this book. It is a topic I feel very strongly about and I want so much for people to be significantly helped and for God to be pleased.
1. I am, at 28, most insecure in my professional prowess, my social aptitude, my parental competence, and my sexual performance. I find myself turning inward and/or becoming defensive when my insecurities flare up. At the end of the day, once I’ve dealt with the emotional aspects, I just try to work harder to make those things better, and try to remind myself that those things really have very little significance on my self-worth.
2. I see women as often insecure about their attractiveness or their maternal capabilities.
I am 47 years old. My insecurity lies in large groups and I tend to be a listener instead of participate. One of my biggest insecurities is also when our finances are crazy and out of control. I am very quiet and pray a lot!
I don’t always notice other women’ insecurities because I am married but I sometimes see them in women who are in bad relationships or don’t like the way they look.
#1. Attention and affection, from the one person I cherish, adore and love the most in this world. I am a romantic at heart and it hurts me when I want to show my love and affection, (even something as small as a hug or cuddle), because of her insecurities, just doesn’t have the same affect. Prayer and just space is usually how I deal with it.
#2. Isolation… lack of desire for many things, i.e., romance, sex, fun, sex, going out, sex…Not feeling or seeing the woman God had created. Always thinking she has to be better, thinner, prettier when I’m already seeing the most beautiful woman in the world. “I just want to love you, so just let me”!
Thanks Beth!!
A 53 year old whose been wonderfully and magicially married to the most beautiful girl in the world for 33 years.
Hi Beth, I’m 36 years old and am privileged to give you my comments. My wife has been very blessed through your ministry. Also, saying a quick prayer for you as you write this new book.
Primary area of insecurity:
When we don’t have money for things we need, I feel like I am primarily responsible for making sure the bills are paid. I get very edgy and sometimes respond more angrily to my family than I should. At one point when I was in a career transition and our bills were piling up, I was also getting migraines. It is always an amazing blessing when my wife says “You don’t have to do this on your own, I can work or cut back on expenses, etc.” It has also helped me to write my prayers in a journal and meet regularly for prayer with my wife. Also, there have been some close guy friends with whom I was able to share my struggles and they prayed for me and checked up on me regularly.
2. What is the most common way you notice insecurity in women?
In their looks “Am I beautiful?”. In their relationship with their husband “Am I loved?”. In regards to their children, “Am I a good mom?”.
Question 1 – Insecurity for men seems to stem all the way back from the childhood arguments of, “my dad is stronger than your dad.” Seems the only difference is that I am in the place of dad these days. At work it seems the question is: is there someone who works better, harder, is smarter, and more capable. In a topsy-turvey economic time, I don’t want to hear that so-n-so is anything better or more than I am. How do I act when feeling insecure? I look for things and people that make me feel secure. I come home and “take care” of my wife and kids. Doing things for them that only I can do. Fix that sink that has been on the drip. Wrestle with the kids and love on my wife by taking out the garage and mowing the lawn. Dad things! Husband things! MAN THINGS! It’s not a perfect answer to the insecurity, but I am reminded that I am okay in areas of my life and there are definately safety zones of security. Question 2 – My wife on the other hand isn’t so stealth in her hiding her insecurites. Perhaps that is a good thing! I don’t know. She is quick to comment on how “this” she is and “that” she isn’t! She seems to have a bundle of insecurities ranging from her body, to parenting, to how clean the house is, and if she can handle the ministry she is in… etc. To sum it up, everything in life seems to draw some insecurity out of her. When she heads out to teach her Women’s Bible study, she changes her outfit 5 times, often returning to the original before heading out the door. I am not even sure she realizes the outfit changes are insecurity. Maybe that’s it! I realize when I am not feeling very secure, but women face insecurity everywhere they go, so perhaps it has become second nature. My wife and my family are my security, God is my security. However with my wife it seems even these things can be a source of insecurity. I run to these constants in my life for source of security. My wife seems to have no place. Although, I am sure that she would say her God and family are sources of strength for her. Her life is so wrapped up in the family, I think she always wonders if she is doing enough. I want to scream it from the roof-top – SHE IS and SHE DOES. I think I think I will end here and go confirm these things in her!!
Beth – hope these comments help. Thank you for your ministry. My wife is crazy in love with Jesus because of your Bible studies. God Bless you – Jason, Montana
Question 1. Primary Insecurities:
A)Spiritual health of spouse and children.
In a culture laden with addictions, some deadly (Pornography, drugs, illicit sex, unbelief, dishonesty, theft) and some not so deadly (TV, internet, texting, laziness)our journey is fraught with dangers on the right and on the left.
When I am insecure about this, I react in both appropriate and inappropriate ways. Appropriately, I am driven to Christ in prayer; I engage my children frankly and honestly in good discussion; I teach-on-the-spot when an issue comes up along the way. Inappropriately, I have never struggled with swearing in my life until I had teenagers! During a power struggle, I succumb to sin by distrusting the One who keeps them from shipwreck.
B) Financial.
Sometimes decisions can be made with excessive fear underlying them. This is heightened with the present economic meltdown and great caution and wisdom is needed.
Question 2: Insecurity in women:
-Immodest dress.
-Loud, obnoxious, pushy.
-Competitive (even with husbands)
-Jealousy
I am 42. Happily married for 21 years.
Age 52
My insecurities show up in my relationship with my wife. As I get out of balance and put my expectations on her instead of God my security of who I am is more fragile when she doesn’t react in the way I am expecting. My most common reaction is self pity.
The most common insecurity I see in women is the way they view their appearance. In today’s culture, with platic surgery and lack of modesty, there is a lot of pressure on women to look a certain way.
Primary areas of insecurity are:
Fear of making mistakes.
When I don’t feel in control of social situation.
Normally act:
Get quiet.
Avoid social situation.
Insecurity in women:
Suck you dry.
Demand your time and energy.
Expect answers
I want to run away from them as fast as I can.
When my wife asks me what makes me feel insecure. Having Beth Moore want to know what makes me feel insecure.
Age 40:
1a. What are your primary areas of insecurity
Three main areas (A) Not being able to _______ (failure to deliver on whatever) (such as failure to…provide for my family, protect my family, complete work projects thoroughly & quickly enough, disciple my children, be the spiritual head of my home, show strength without dominance or anger or frustration, love my wife in such a way that she knows it and draws strength from it. These are somewhat magnified as I age because I am forced to recognize that someday I will possibly be a lot more dependent on others and therefore less able to provide & protect and may actually need some of both. (B) Also, insecure about my acceptability to other men (not validated by my father much); struggle with whether I measure up…whatever that means (income, athletic prowess, professional standing, academic credentials, etc.). This gets in the way of building healthy friendships with other men of God. (3) Sexually insecure at times due to some very early (and then continued) exposure to hard core & graphic pornography. I know it was fiction, but the images are so imprinted that it has been a life long struggle to be comfortable with true, honest, open, holy intimacy with my wife.
1b. ..and how do they tend to act on you? (In other words, how do you normally act when you're feeling insecure?)
Anger, frustration, melancholy, fatigue/exhaustion (especially if also under stress at work), and increased need for solitude (prayer, reflection, decompression). Sometimes a desire to just leave, run, evacuate, escape. I obviously don’t pursue the latter…but find the former happen quickly and often before I realize what is happening…especially if also under stress at work.
2. What is the most common way you notice insecurity in women?
Nonverbals: eye averts (either won't maintain eye contact or eyes dart), pupils or eyebrows (out of norm), posture (tense/tight or slumped if coupled with depression), voice trembles or the tone or pitch or rate of speech becomes inconsistent with norm, nervous gestures with hands or fingers (ex: twisting jewelry uncharacteristically) or legs/feet (how crossed/placed or how still/active).
Verbally: ambivalence towards things about which normally interested or excited, expresses desire to leave situation / environment, not conversational (huge tip off).
1. What are your primary areas of insecurity and how do they tend to act on you? (In other words, how do you normally act when you’re feeling insecure?)
Primary areas are of insecurity is having the image of not being a provider and not being a leader while maintaining a level of discipline sufficient enough to run an orderly house hold. Again, the keyword here is having the “image”…
2. What is the most common way you notice insecurity in women?
Appearance and all things related.
Age: 32
As a man I become insecure when I have to make a decision.When I was young my parents made decisions for me. They never taught how to do it myself.Growing into adulthood it carried over into my marriage and caused many problems. Through counseling I have been able to overcome much of the anxiety connected with this issue.
I see insecurity in my wife when she is frustrated, demanding, and angry.
1) I usually do not feel insecure (I guess that’s just my male ego) but this current economic climate I sometimes feel insecure about being able to provide for my family. My daughter will be attending college in a few years and I fear I will not be in a position to pay for it. In addition, I fear a reduction in our standard of living. A major difference between men of my generation and our fathers’ generation is that our fathers had a lot more security in the workplace. My generation has less security but more opportunity. This leads to more insecurity for men but my generation also has greater potential for success.
2) Regarding the issue of women and insecurity, I find that women’s insecurity are in two areas. One, insecurity in women tends to show itself where they lack control over a situation. For example, women tend to feel insecure about the safety of their children or other family members when travelling or when the children are at school – times when they can’t be in control. They are fearful of their children driving or playing a contact sport much more than men.
The second area where insecurity shows itself in women is the area of physical appearance. What I’ve noticed is that after a women is married it seems like she dresses more to impress other women, rather than her husband. I think women care much more about their appearance than men do, this explains why there are so many more plastic surgeries among women, they wear make up and spend a lot more on hair dos. By the way, I am glad women want to look good! It does reveal a certain amount of insecurity when a woman wants to go under the knife to enlarge her breasts, get rid of cellulite through liposuction, flatten her belly, inject botox to get rid of signs of aging, etc. I understand some men do this, but those are men I classify as being “feminized”. Age 43
Age 29
2. cleavage
My primary area of insecurity is speaking or praying in front of people. I stutter, start sweating and lose all train of thought.
To me women seem to withdraw into themselves when they are feeling insecure.
here is an answer that i received in regards to your questions.
“As a 25 year old new husband and newer father, the most obvious answer is that I am afraid that I will fail my family. Having had a broken and distant family growing up, I read that I am to love my wife as Christ loved the church. That sounds fantastic and impossible. How do I take Ephesians 5 and appropriate that in to daily living? Knowing that I will be held accountable for my family, and that my decisions will not procure salvation for my children, but will provide or abolish fertile soil for the working of the Holy Spirit causes me to despair of ever surmounting the obstacle in my own strength.”
“As far as women, it depends on who you ask. Those that are eternity focused will say that they fear the carry out their part of the curse and seek to dominate the man in their present or future marriage. Or that they will be forced to take over because a lazy or unsaved husband. But I am not a woman so how much do I really understand about their fears?”
I’m 48 and don’t think I struggle with a lot of insecurity. When I feel some financial insecurity, I probably get very conservative and react negatively to spending.
I worry that my wife is not interested in making love. When it doesn’t happen as often as I want it to, I get a little insecure. (I tend to “sull up” and just head out to work when I think this is the case).
Women and insecurity:
Wondering if people are interested in them – if they are interesting enough to be listened to?
And also being attractive enough.
I am 50 yrs old. The most common areas of insecurity is not feeling manly or intelligent. I usually bost myself or try to make myself look better than others (bragging or telling a bigger story).
For the women it would be gossip, dress and make-up.
1. I would say that my primary area of insecurity is social situations with people my age that I don’t know. I react by withdrawing and waiting for someone draw me into the conversation, and often wonder how I am being judged. This only seems to happen, however, with groups where the people involved are close to my own age. I don’t react this way with younger children, or adults much older (15+ years) than myself.
2. Irritability, or sadness, depending on the nature of what is causing the insecurity
35 years old, and happily married (10 years) to one of your dedicated blog readers (she’ll be seeing you in Pittsburgh!)
I’m 38.
1) I feel insecure when I don’t know what I’m doing. If I have tasks before me that I feel like I should know how to handle- but do not in fact know how to handle them, I feel terribly insecure. As a man I feel like I ought to know how to do the things that present themselves to me. I usually respond to these feelings by either ignoring the issue altogether or acting as if I know what I’m doing.
#2) I think that I can sense insecurities in women fairly easily. When a woman is insecure, I see her either withdraw and appear mousy and timid, or go over the top with bold assertions (both verbal and non-verbal) of her accomplishments or prowess in the areas of insecurities. I also see them concentrate on an area that they are actually very secure in. e.g. a pretty woman finds ways to show off or highlight her beauty to compensate for her lack of security in other areas.
The area of insecurity that I notice most involves women being insecure about how well they are liked by other women.
1. When I don’t feel in control of a situation.
I withdraw/ get quiet.
2. Women, worry what people think about them.
They verbalize this with feelings.
53 years old.
I feel insecure at work when I am expected to know something that I have not even been given time to research. The management puts unrealistic expectations on us and in an economy where people are losing jobs, it can be stressful. It causes me to strive harder to learn everything I can.
As a culture, I see women settle for men less than they deserve because they don’t feel they can do better.
Many women feel they have to dress provocatively to be noticed and compete in the marketplace. They are insecure in who they are as a person.
I am 32 years old…
1. I am not insecure.I hope not to a fault, but I just don’t understand what there is to be insecure about. We are who God made us and I try hard to do the best I can, and in that I find security. I am probably different than most people, but my job is a family run business so I don’t struggle at work cause I know my family knows I do the best I can. My wife and I stayed pure till marriage so she just doesn’t know any better 🙂 And most any time someone says something to or about me and a area that I might lack in I usually just don’t care what they have to say cause at the end of the day I don’t let them affect my life negatively.
2. By far the major one is in the way they look. With main stream media they feel they have certain looks they need to meet and most of them just don’t. Of course us men don’t usually help with that but also I think women need to realize there are more beautiful women out there, but that doesn’t mean us men love them any less. Just because some woman is smoking hot doesn’t mean that I would want her to live with me or be the mother of my children. There are so many other things in life that are more important than having a great body and I think more women need to understand this.
I am 41, married for over 20.
1. Primary areas of insecurity: The biggest area would be my over-40 body. I want to look good for my wife and to others, but I got behind on the ole physical fitness routine. Also, I sometimes get insecure when I think of all the responsibilities of raising a family. There are other areas that I know I need improvement, but that is just an awareness, not an insecurity – big difference. My response – try to prove otherwise. For my appearance I start a new diet and workout routine and try clothes that look better. For my family, I make extra efforts to make them feel secure with my position as dad, husband, provider, and spiritual head. Feedback is my barometer for success.
2. What is the most common way you notice insecurity in women? Without a doubt, I would say the need for affirmation. Appearance, image and acceptance are common areas I see insecurity in. And so they “seek” someone or something that will make them feel better. Even tho I sometimes sigh when my wife shows insecurity, I also love it that she comes to me for the needed affirmation. Then, I realize that she is seeking it because she wasn’t getting it. That’s my bad as her husband. I should be the first one to provide the comments and looks that give her the warm fuzzies in those areas. I also know that warm fuzzy needs vary based off a large multitude of factors that go way over my head, so I do my best and apologize often.
1. This is rather subjective as I’ve tried MANY tactics to overcome my insecurities, and I like to think that I’m better off each time somehow. Confidence was a serious insecurity for me a while back, and I simply repeated to myself- be confident. That and lots of prayer helped. I’m much more confident now, moreso in my relationship with GOD than anything else, but that’s all that matters anyway.
2. This is harder as I realy don’t like to judge others, that’s not my job and is hard to stick with sometimes. It seems that, just like men, women are insecure about anything that affects them, or has affected them in some way in the past at a very formational point in their lives. This inadequecy gets turned inward and manifests as an insecurity later in life. The best self-help book- the Bible.
1. My primary insecurity is finances. I hate trying to balance our checkbook because we barely make ends meet. I wish I were more frugal but that is not who I am. I’m not wasteful but neither am I frugal.
2. Women seem insecure about their bodies and appearance. I know my wife is. I’m spoiled because I have a wife who loves me, always speaks highly of me, respects me and loves having sex. That means so much more to me than what her dress size may be.
1. I am, at 43, most insecure in my ability as a spiritual leader. I’m fairly sure that my wife would be better than I, but respects my God-ordained role. This insecurity is often paralyzing (I don’t lead my family or wife spiritually).
2. I find womens’ insecurities baffling, but I see them as insecure in their friendships with other women; i.e, wishing they were a better friend or wishing they had a better friendship with someone, maybe anyone.
46 years old – new situations make me feel somewhat insecure. I tend to be defensive, which I usually am not.
Women – feel insecure about appearance,marriage – wonder whether husband is still in love with her, and motherhood. They either withdraw or talk too much, go to extremes (plastic surgery, etc.), or become very self absorbed.
Dear Beth,
I am 34 years old and mostly find myself insecure in situations where I lack knowledge about something I need to do or discuss. Usually I become stressed, and quickly change the subject (when in a discussion).
In women, or at least my beautiful wife, I see self-doubt show up. We have had many battles with this and have learned to pray diligently about this area. With two boys (6 and 1), and a full-time teaching job, my wife has insecurities about her performance as wife and mom. Although she is all but perfect, she deals with this regularly, and we will continue to pray through it and love our God!
I am a 38 year old white male. My biggest area of insecurity is in the area of Biblical manhood. Learning in my study of Ephesians that I am responsible to love my wife the way Christ loves the Church seems like an impossibly large task. To be at least partly responsible for her holiness and sanctification sometimes makes me feel totally inadequate for the job. If it were not for the knowledge that I can do none of this apart from Christ working in me, I would just give up and hide somewhere.
With respect to women’s insecurities, I have to admit that I am not the most perceptive guy. I really don’t notice it in other women. Or maybe I just assume they are introverted or shy, which is not the same as insecure. I know my wife’s insecurities revolve around being the Proverbs 31 woman. So I frequently tell her honestly that she is “far above rubies!”
Hello I am 37 and my wife told me I ought to post to this.
1.Primarily I think My main insecurity is, “Am I doing enough for my Wife and Children”?
In the Bible (and in our society) we men are constantly being told that we are to be the protectors and leaders of our home/s.
The problem we face, especially now, is that we also have to “let them be strong individuals” but there are very few people out there who will tell us what is the best way to bring these together. We are in a major learning curve out here and there seems to be no one to help us through it.
We are being told in other words that we have to be strong and care for our women but we also have to let them be themselves, not interfering in their lives.
So we feel nervous… do I try to tell my wife we ought to go to another church because I do not feel this one meets our needs? Or do I let it go because she is her own person and I mustn’t try to “control” her?
Also I would like to add, How do I assert MY OWN individuality and needs without “inflicting” my issues on her? Further how do I do this without being “selfish” or labeled as such.
2. I notice that some women (especially in the church) occasionally tend to be a little less communicative.
I think this might be also due to the conflicting nature of the messages pushed on us by society and the church*.
I have heard many women who seem to feel concerned about what their husband is going through but uncertain how to approach the spouse with the mixed signals they are getting.
*in this case I mean the teaching that is or isn’t being taught in churches because the church(es) is(are) more concerned with what society thinks than what the Bible says.
1) I am 27, husband, and father of a two year-old son. My insecurity lies in that at some point I may fail. Fail at being a husband, a father, or at being a minister. I am insecure in the failure but also in the lack of grace and mercy others may give in that failure. I normally act in two ways and they are two different extremes. One is I shut down and seclude myself. Once it builds up the second extreme comes out and that is a hot temper; if there is no other way to get the point across then yell.
2) I find that the insecurity in women show up in their lack of control over the situation. Such as wanting to be in control of the marriage, the parenting, and even the church. It shows up in the immodest clothes they wear, the gossip, and many times the out right disceptive nature some women can have. I believe that this is an attempt to compensate for their lack of strength in other areas and also it points back to the curse.
Question 1. I don’t feel I struggle with insecurity. I have been a believer since I was 8 years old and learned through Christ how to be an overcomer. I will admit to struggling somewhat with the aging process. At 61 years old I am not able to do physcially what I used to do with ease, but rather than fight this, wisdom dictates I must accept this as a normal progression of life.
Question 2. My wife has been in ministry to women for many years and as a result we have many close friends who are women. So many of these women have suffered with broken relationships, and I see they struggle with insecurites from day to day worries, finances, loneliness, hope for the future and it seems more pronounced as they age and their beauty fades.
My own wife of 38 years is a very secure woman in who she is, her relationship with me, her relationship with the LORD, our family and others. I do not see insecurities in her, but I will say that when she was younger, she wouldn’t step out of the house without her makeup on. Now, she can go all day without makeup and not be insecure. To me, she is always beautiful. I still see the young woman I fell in love with. Maybe age has something to do with being “real.”
1. The area I am most insecure in is if I’m man enough; husband, father, coworker. My behavior when I’m feeling insecure is quiet.
2. What I notice in women when they feel insecure is they need verbal approval. Asking questions like: do I look ok? is the dinner ok? are you upset with me or is something bothering you? Those kinds of questions.
1. My primary area of insecurity is fear of shortcomings as a “provider” and parent. If I am feeling insecure, I may withdraw somewhat from others around me.
2. Insecurity in many women is around their place in the world. Some that work outside the home, full or part time, often feel inadequate on both fronts of work and home.
I am 40 years old and I am most insecure in situations where conflict with those that I am closest to erupts. I am typically very opinionated, but tend to become insecure rather than risk a break in fellowship with someone that I care a lot about. As far as insecurity in women, their appearance is usually the thing that tends to cause the most insecurity. Rather than being happy with how God designed them, many women and teenage girls feel pressured by our society to live up to the culture’s standards rather than claiming the statement of God’s word that says -“You are fearfully and wonderfully made…”.
1. My insecurities revolve around living up to my responsibilities. My identity is wrapped up in taking care of my family and doing things the right way, and I always desire to do better than I can. I am also insecure about my relationships with women, driven mainly by my wife’s jealousy. These feelings lead me to be overly sensitive (I’m already putting lots of pressure on myself!), being tempted to give up (how long can I keep trying?), and desperate for reassurance and affirmation.
2. The often CONSUMING need to compare themselves with other women, to “look good” in the broad sense of that phrase. Men do this too, but in ways that seem more substantive to me, and I think women generally have their lives dominated by this to a greater degree. In Christian women this often pulls them into conformity with the world’s standards as they try to meet someone else’s expectations. I’ll mention jealousy as a close second. How often it seems exaggerated! I cannot convince my wife how commited I am to her. Giving her my life is still not enough! It’s about something inside her.
I’m 38 and have been married for 15 years.
I am most insecure when I feel others see me as a failure. I want to be the best dad, father, son, Christian, employee etc that I can be. When my children mis-behave, I don’t want others to see it and think I’m a bad father. It depends on what I am insecure about, but sometimes I withdraw, other times I explode.
2. What is the most common way you notice insecurity in women? The one I notice that bugs me the most is when they cut others down to make themselves look better. Gossip.
1. My biggest insecurity is financial – do I make enough money? do we have enough money? will I earn enough money?
2. women who throw themselves at guys or have to have a man –
I am 44 y.o.
1. A fear of rejection is my primary area of insecurity. I push myself to be the best employee, servant, friend, father, and husband, so when I either anticipate rejection or experience it in any of these areas, I tend to draw away from the situation and throw up a wall. This wall can include many different faces of seclusion including both physical and emotional. If I feel the rejection is unwarranted, I can get defensive and can push back. I pull away, eat more than normal, get frustrated at myself and also talk in self-deprecating ways. My confidence is undermined. I am just a man who tries to do the right thing, but my feelings affect everything that I do.
2. I don’t typically notice insecurity in any woman other than my wife. Her insecurities tend to surface in all things associated with her appearance.
At 43 years old I can say that I don’t really have one specific area that I am insecure about but insecurity does flare up from time to time. I am most insecure when something effects the harmony between my wife and I. When I am not in perfect harmony with the one I love, I can feel those insecurities creeping in.
Beth,
Thank you so much for your ministry to my wife and women all over the world.
My wife just sat me in front of the computer and asked me to answer your questions on insecurity. As I think about it (and I don’t think about insecurities often) I am a pretty secure guy. The worst that can happen to me is I fail, die, and go to heaven to be with my Lord and Savior for eternity. Not so bad. I would say I can be insecure about being a good daddy. Am I guiding and teaching my children well? I pray about that a lot.
The question on women. I find women are often insecure about other womens opinion of them, especially their mother. I have seen generational envy effect many women. This typically comes out in insecurity on appearance and mothering.
I am 33 years old.
2. I notice insecurity the most in women who talk about their life and make it sound like everything is wonderful. Boasting and going on and on non-stop about their life is usually a sure sign that they really are insecure.
62 years of age and in a profession that went from manual tasks at work to computer tasks at work. Know how to do what is required within the profession, but without what is termed formal education and just OJT, I feel as younger ones come into the profession with the formal training seem to have a jump on me. At 62, that can be scary. You know lets get rid of the old guy. My faith in God and my marriage, could not be any more secure so those thoughts are smoothed away as I come home and get renewed for the next day.
Insecurity within women I see is how other women will perceive them as far as their looks and weight are concerned.
No my wife is not overweight or unattractive, but quite the opposite, but as most women think she does too. Beauty as most husbands have found out over the years is made up of a whole lot of other qualities. They are their faith in God, Love for their husband and families and I got one of them.
Beth, I appreciate the difference you are making in the Kingdom by your ministry to women. My wife is encouraged greatly by you. I am 42 and will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this summer.
1. I had to really think about this one. I think it is hard for most men to admit insecurities because we are supposed to be strong and confident. My first thought was, “I’m not insecure!” But as I search deeper I feel I have three primary insecurities. The first one is in my job. I sometimes wonder if I am really qualified to do the job. Am I the right person? What if I’m not the person for the job and I lose my job? This is the type of insecurity that I think Satan enjoys to use in his attack against us. It is important to guard against this and seek God’s strength. Secondly, I want to be the spiritual leader in my home. I often feel inadequate and just don’t do anything. Too many men are passive in this area and I believe that it stems out of their insecurities. Finally, I am insecure in my ability to show my wife how much I love her. I fail so often. I allow the business of our life to waist away the time we should be spending together. I don’t do a very good job of dating her. I have never been the most social person where she is very social. This creates a lot of insecurity and passiveness.
2. Women are insecure when it comes to looks. They want to look nice and want others to think they look nice. They can pick themselves apart and are often very insecure in this area. However, there are aspects of this besides their own physical appearance. They are insecure when anything is a reflection on them. Where men are more interested in others appreciating the job they do, women are more concerned with how others see them. A woman thinks, “When others see my house they see me,” or “when others see my children, they see me.” They want to look good to others so they are constantly concerned about how they look in all areas that are a reflection on them.
1. I am 28 years old. The things that I’m most insecure about are usually the things that I’m naturally not good at. Since I’m naturally introverted and a quiet, people have tendencies to question my traits as a “strong” man. Since this bothers me most, I tend to get defensive and explain why I acted in that manner and try to prove my actions to the other person. Then I dwell on the situation and determine if the person criticizing me had any validity or if their perspective was just not biblical. If their perspective is not biblical then I get over it quicker. If it is not as black and white, it’ll take longer for me to get over it.
2. I see many woman have an issue with their self worth. It can stem from their relationships with their parents, significant other, friends or children. The way I see them respond to this insecurity is to cater to the object they are trying to get their self worth from. If that object is not God, it usually ends up in heartache.
1. I am 36 years old. Provision for my family, financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, is my primary area of insecurity. While I may have all other sorts of issues, as a Christian man I know that my primary duty to my wife is to provide for her spiritual development (after loving her, of course!). God wants me to bring her closer to Himself so that she can also reflect His glory, and when I’m not doing that, I’m insecure. I also want my children to know Him, and when they aren’t acting according to the principles I’ve taught them, it really hurts. After spiritual development, I know that I’m to provide for their safety – both physically and emotionally – and if they are ever threatened in these areas, then I need to provide for them. When I can’t, it affects me deeply. And finally, being able to provide for them financially is an area that leads to insecurity when I cannot fulfill their needs. When all the bills are paid, as just happened the other day, and there’s not much left to spend on enjoyment and day-to-day things, I feel inadequate.
2. Women seem to just be insecure in their skin. So many women, no matter how physically, spiritually, or mentally beautiful they are – they worry about if they look as good as the women in the magazines and movies. Even though we men (I should just speak for myself but I know all men think this way) are turned on by a physically attractive woman, those of us that are really aware of ourselves and our roles as Christian men realize that it’s more than just the physical beauty of our wives that draws us to them. Besides, we all know that everyone has junk, and usually those stunning supermodels on the magazines have lots more of it than we could ever handle. So it is hard to see women so focused on the outside when that is only one part of what makes them beautiful to us.
I am 60 years old
1. My primary area of insecurity is to be honest in the proclaiming of the Word of God regardless of how others might receive that truth.
The other area is “do I express the way I feel adequately to those that I love?”
When I am feeling insecure I tend to be nervous and withdrawn. I back off from everybody and basically shut down.
2.I commonly notice that insecure women tend to be submissive and blame themselves for everything that happens. A lack of self confidence.
Ms.Beth
1–
I wanted most to be loved even if I am wrong or fail. I fear unforgiveness. So I forgive, knowing at least God will forgive me then, one day.
I wanted only a faithful love. I fear being ignored, abandoned, and abused. So I pay attention to those who are present to love, even in silence.
I wanted always a last love, never a first. I fear it is too late for me. So I love those put before me today and look for tomorrow.
2–
Talks ceaselessly but never communicates: she fears being “known” despite her bravda to the contrary– kills relationship.
Sets me up for failure and then judges/punishes me for failing: she fears her feelings so pursues control, always– destroys trust.
She never apologizes or makes amends: she has grown up around people that spoke of grace but judge her mercilessly; none worse than herself. So now she recapitulates that unconsciously– suffocates romance.
She doesn’t know me but thinks she does– if she did know me she’d act different; she is just playing out her own bad tapes… I forgave and loved her but she doesn’t know what that means; if she did she would have acted differently. Wouldn’t all of us acted differently if we knew then what we know now?
@42– ps139col317
1.Lack of confidence in feeling I can be successful in business and socially- I have to force myself to do things in business and socially that people think come very naturally for me.
2. Women seem insecure to me who fidget and their eyes look down- I think they are most insecure about their looks