Keith walks through the door gruffly and slaps a plastic bag on the kitchen counter.
Him: “You wanna hear something awful?”
Me, bracing myself because I really didn’t want to hear something awful but my man was clearly disturbed: “What is it, Baby? What happened?”
Him: “You can’t even get a Moon Pie at Kroger anymore. You can’t get the danged thing at Randall’s. You can’t even get one at Amanda’s fancy HEB. Not a Moon Pie on a single shelf. Good grief.”
Me: Silent. Staring. Baffled.
Him: “Do you know the only place in this town you can find a Moon Pie anymore is Bass Pro Shop?”
Me: “I had no idea.”
But, thought to myself that it might explain some things. However, I didn’t say that. He was too raw. Been through too much. This was no time to speak the truth in love. This was the time for lies.
Me again: “That’s awful, Honey. I’m so sorry.”
There was only one thing that was going to make my man feel better. Our spirits intertwined, we both seemed to know. I nodded toward the bag and he opened it. He pulled out a chocolate Moon Pie. I pulled out a banana Moon Pie. And we ate them in total silence.
But in my heart I felt that inner glee bloggers feel when you know that you’ve just had an encounter that is destined to become a spectacular blog post. It’s a rush of sparkling, clean adrenalin. Keith was just about to head to the ranch so I said, plotting, of course, “Honey, do you want me to just send you with a couple of these and save the rest?” (He’d gotten a large bag full. After all, they’re hard to find.) So, he said, just as I knew he would, “Yep, that’s what we better do.”
So he headed out the door and down I-10 with a ration of one-a-day and I headed to work with a bag of Moon Pies. On my way, I called AJ and said, “Bring your camera to lunch. I have some pictures I need you to take for a blog post. It’s going to be great.” Only, when she came to lunch, between the baby and all the commotion of the restaurant, she didn’t have time to take the shots.
Her: “Can I take them home with me and do it there?”
Me: “Yep, and then be sure to give them to Curtis.” And that was the exact moment the plan went totally awry. MY MEANING WAS: GIVE THEM TO CURTIS SO HE CAN BRING THEM BACK TO WORK AND I CAN RETURN THEM UNSCATHED TO THE KITCHEN OF KEITH MOORE, MY MOON PIE MAN.
Thinking we clearly understood one another, I promptly forgot.
Until last night after Keith got home from the ranch and I heard the biggest ruckus in the kitchen followed by colorful choices of words.
Me: “What on earth is the matter?”
Him: “I can’t find my Moon Pies!”
Me, but only to self: “Oh my gosh. Please, no.”
So I text AJ: “Your father is tearing the kitchen apart looking for his Moon Pies. Where are they?”
Oh, the painful finality of her response. At times of crisis, all you can do is turn to Scripture.
“She took of the [Moon Pie] thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her, and he did eat.”
And swore I’d told her to.
It was a rough night at the Moore house. Sometimes a man doesn’t need his woman. He just needs his Moon Pie. The man has the taste buds of a ten year-old.
Thank goodness, the sun came up again this morning even after a moonless night. But there will be a reckoning at Bass Pro today.
Here are the moon pies before things went wrong – very, very wrong.
And the bag from Bass Pro.
So, OK, Siestas. So it made me think about you. What treat from your childhood do you still long to have?
Okay this sounds just like me. LOL!! Only in my case it’s chocolate chip cookies! One of my friends got me to do the calorie-counting thing about a month ago. Today was one of my splurge days, and I was going to get a cookie when i got my frappucino from Starbucks. Long story short…they said I’d get it, they never gave it to me, and I didn’t have time to hang out and get it. Sooo before we went home tonight, we went to the store to get sushi and a bag of cookies. (that will probably last me a month)LOL!
That was hilarious! Love the way you told the story…as I have said many times before..you are one funny woman, Beth Moore!
Little Debbie Swiss Rolls are my all time favorite! I also loved when we had Coke in the bottle and would pour our salty peanuts into the bottle and drink the Coke and then eat the peanuts out the bottle. Yum yum yum!!! Can taste it now! Did y’all do that?
I love me a good Moon Pie, too. 🙂
Honeybuns…..the sugary ones wrapped in plastic. YUM!!!!
So funny Beth! I used to love banana Moon Pies – but the childhood treat I think I most love is Sixlets. I can still find them at the Dollar General – that’s about it!
Amanda,
You sweet thing. You have got to go out and get some Coke and salted peanuts. Girl, it is awesome. You won’t be sorry, maybe addicted, but not sorry. This post is so fun. I forgot about striped fruit gum, mmmmm.
Too funny!!!!!
Rootbeer or banana popsicle, and old fashioned Pop Shoppe soda/pop.
My Mother was a sugar-holic..she made us be sugar-holics too….we ALWAYS had Hostess Ho-Ho’s and Ding Dongs and Twinkees…but my favorite day was going to the Dentist (yes, all of my teeth are filled)…because the prize for enduring the dentist was…you guessed it…a trip to the Bakery which was right across the street! Donut holes and bear claws abounded…and the cycle began again…a few months and we would be back! Yeah!
Bottled Dr.Pepper with peanuts for the main course and Rice Krispies squares for dessert.
Believe it or not I love a moon Pie every now and then. Keith is right you can’t find them. So when I do find one I usually treat myself!
Great story!
my papaw took me fishing alot and my dad said teh only reason I went was for the moon pies and RC Cola lol but those were the days.. I got one years back and they just don’t taste the same as in my papaws boat
Deb From El Dorado, AR
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Oh my goodness, that is hilarious!!!!
Wow…. I was cracking up!!!!
I miss those wax bottles filled with a fruity liquid. Also cow tails. Although I’m pretty sure those are still around. Just not sure where.
Love y’all!
Screaming Yellow Zonkers. And if you think Moon Pies are hard to find, try Zonkers. They’re manufactured in the Midwest but not sold here. I could always find them when I lived in the Seattle area. Now I live in S.D. and when I get brave enough to ask if a store carries Screaming Yellow Zonkers, they look at me like I’m an alien. 🙂
Cocoa Krispies…and when i was pregnant i craved Cocoa Krispies (are you ready for this?) with sliced canned peaches on top!!! YIKES!
We just finished the Esther study here in Oak Harbor,WA and had we known you were in Portland we would have all made the trip down…we adored Esther!!! It was our pastor’s wife’s last study with us as they have been called to a district position…it was perfect to study fulfilling ones destiny.
It is 4 am here in good ol Ga and I am trying so hard not to wake the others!! You thought you had a post but girl you really have a post now. I think HE(the Lord) loves this blogging stuff cause HE sure does give you some great things to Blog!!!
I loved the Little Debbie Nutter bars. The were cookie crisps with peanut butter and then dipped in chocolate and my mom would put them in the freezer and we would have them with milk. OHHH I feel a craving happening!
My whole family was so tickled when I was hooked on huge dill pickles as a kid (like you get at a carnival/fair or movie theater) that my granddad once brought me an industrial sized jar full of those things. He thought he was soooo funny and his jaw dropped because I got mega excited. I ate ’em all!
This post is so funny (and blog-worthy) that my comment here in response is too long! I want the rest of the script telling Mr. Moore what happened to the moon pies and why AJ had them to begin with – for blog pics! “Yes, honey, blog photos. Well, she couldn’t take the pics at lunch; that’s why she had to take them home.”
I truly enjoy all of those nostalgic foods that are reminding me of stuff I hadn’t thought of in years. And seeing some geographic specifics – did anyone say Blue Bell ice cream (although obviously not kid focused only). How do we indicate to those northerners who aren’t familiar that it is pronounced “moon p-AH-ie“?
Nostalgic sweet tooths (teeth?): I saw a website once offering gift boxes of many various candies that you ordered by decade so you’d receive candies that were very popular during that time. So funny and clever. Check out Dylan’s Candy Bar too for nostalgic treats.
The most hilarious part of these comments is how many people are being so helpful in offering where Moon Pies can be found. Gotta love it!
Lynnette in Houston
This is my first time reading the LPM Blog. I read the Citizen Link interview about it and so I could not wait to get a morsel of your teaching. Moon pies… hmmmm.
LOL! I love it!
I love moon pies too, but can’t get them anymore either. My chldren can’t have them due to food sensitivities…hate to mention this, but they can be made. I don’t make them often, but when I do, the kids are thrilled and my man is quite grateful too.
I will gladly send a batch down to you Miss Beth, if it comes to that!
Love,
Maryellen
Dear Beth,
You are just too funny! I love when you share your stories with all of us.
My man has to have his ice cream. And with a house of boys it is hard for him to have his ice cream and there be some left when he wants some the next time.
I have tried hiding it for him but the boys always seem to smell it out!
As for me it is a whoppie pie which is probably somewhat like a moon pie. Only I really like the homemade ones.
A little happiness this side of heaven.
You are the funniest writer Beth! Sheer genius!
The best story! Too funny! Never laughed so hard!
You made my day…
OH, now I love some moon pies!! You can now buy the chocolate ones in mini-size, so that is what I usually get. My youngest grandson (age 3) tried one last night for the first time and he loved it!!
Favorite?? Cotton Candy! That was always a specialty…one of those candies you only got when you went to the local fair….I still love it!
This post was hilarious!
M&M's and Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. One of my favorite memories is when my dad would decide to take us all for a ride and we would stop at an ice cream stand to get a cone of ice cream. Back then most of the ice cream stands were at farms that made their own ice cream. Yummy!. My favorite was chocolate chip! I can taste it now, and feel it, dripping down my arms and onto my shoes! Don't you remember when your family would just take rides, driving all over the place with no special location in mind, just driving and enjoying the scenery! I loved doing that. The M&M thing was as a teenager we girls would buy a whole big bag (1/2 pound) and sit around munching them, talking about boys, school, listening to music and just being teen girls.
Thanks for the memories today!
Lori
I meant to tell you, you can buy Moon Pies at the Cracker Barrel!
I have loved reading all the comments. I had forgotten about the peanuts in a coke bottle and Astropops and the snow cones at the ballfield!
One more thing, Goo Goo Clusters. 🙂
I must confess that I have never had a Moon Pie. I think I may search one out today just so I can relate!
My fav from childhood has got to be the edible necklaces. Now I do not believe that the recipe is still the same, now they come with hearts and such but when I was little and got mine and the Penny Candy Isle at Ben Franklin they were just the little pastel rings and my girl friends and I would slip them around our necks and start to nibble away and yes our little necks would get all sticky and colored but who cared! We could still play softball, ride our bikes and have our little bits of goodness wrapped around our necks and not worry about it falling on the ground while we played it was the best to go treat!And you didn’t have to share cause who would want that slimy thing from around your neck anyway….ok looking for one today at Wal-Mart!!!
Moon Pies are my favorite too…When we were in the process of moving from Ohio to Texas, we were in Southlake, TX looking for a house. I was 6 months pregnant and craving a Moon Pie. My husband still remembers me asking him to please find one. We stopped at quite a few gas stations & finally found one in Grapevine. I was a very happy woman!
These comments are making me hungry for things I shouldn’t be eating! It is so interesting how many like peanuts in their Coke. And, Amanda, I can’t believe you never heard of this until now (over-the-top fake gasp)! Your momma is posting about Moon Pies and those ‘rents didn’t teach you about putting peanuts in your Coke (exaggerated fake sigh, head-shaking and tsk-tsk-tsk)? My dad put some in his Coke during a road trip when I was in Jr. High. I asked him what strange thing he was doing and I think he was surprised by his own temporary parenting absentmindedness that he had not passed on this gem to his children for so many years, so many lost years…(tee hee).
I’m so filled with glee about how many little girls posting here were spoiled by treats from their grandfathers! So cute – I love it!
cspann, were you writing about cherry sour balls?
~Lynnette
Would you believe I actually bought a Moon Pie this week?! Haven’t had one in about 10 years, but I saw them at the grocery store and had to have one!
What a classic post! LOL! So funny…Love the tale, and the humanity of it all. Did the guilty perpetrators have the tell-tale obligatory chocolate smear around their mouths? I thought Amanada and Curtis were above this sort of thing. They nearly pushed their Dad over the edge with you in hand! We just found out that you can buy the most delicious treat that are just like moon pies at Korean Grocery stores. Do you have any of those in Houston? My honey loves “Ding Dongs” and we’ve had alot of hilarous times and jokes over those little darlin’s. He’s addicted. The big problem is you can get Hostess Ding Dong’s anywhere you go, even gas stations. They are too readily available. (He will sneak them, even behind my back, and that is a major problem). All I’m trying to do is preserve his life and breath and cholestrol count. You’ld think he would appreciate me for caring.
My favorite treat I remember growing up was a 5 cent Frosty Freeze cone down at the corner of my street. Perfect for a little kid. Yep! It was 5 cents up until about 1960 then things went very wrong.
Any word on Melissa’s safe arrival? I’ve been up since early and lifting in prayer for their journey mercies, that’s why I checked the blog so early, and got such a good laugh from your hilarious post on Moon Pies!
P.S. I can’t resist this play on words: “someone got caught with their pants down!” LOL! (I hope I haven’t offended anyone with that comment…if so, please forgive!)
Hugs,
Pam H.
Buena Park, CA
Oh, I could go for a Little Debbie Brownie right about now!
Thanks for the good giggle!
Great story! My huband and my boys also love Moon Pies (not me!) and can still get them after hunting at the Myakka City, FL grocery store. The closest Bass Pro shop is 2 hrs away, so they are grateful the Myakka City store still carries them. Oh, woe is me, when they are no longer available!
My favorite treat leftover (not literally) from childhood is sadly cotton candy. And I can’t deny it when I show up with blue teeth and fingertips!
Oh my goodness Beth.. this is so funny! I laughed and laughed.. and enjoyed it again!
I loved and still do chewy candy.. Laffy Taffy was one! Especially the banana flavor.
A Mallow Cup and Cheerwine.
Hands down..favorite all time childhood treat….mallo cups. 🙂
I shared the “moon pie” story with my co-workers…It was a wonderful oppurtunity to open share my experience with our Esther Study at church…and invite them to join us on Monday nights. Thanks for sharing your very funny story!!! I will not see a mooon pie the same again.
This is a simple one . . . chocolate chip cookie dough. Loved it then & still eat it now.
Oh Beth! I laughed so hard that my sides hurt. Poor Keith. Poor you. Poor Amanda. I would have to say that my favorite childhood treat was DING DONGS hands down. They were the forbidden food. It’s a long story. To this day, I love Ding Dongs and they are still a forbidden food.
Kels
I’m thinking, this gal needs to write a book! Oh yeah, you are an author. Please write a book on this same line. Hilarious. You certainly pick us up!
I know alot are writing where you can find moon pies, but none of them are convenient as in a grocery store.
Too funny! Aren’t these moments the stuff life is made of?!?! Sounds like a scrapbook page to me!
moon pies of course!!!! only the chocolate ones, and never microwaved. i am a purist. and you can get them by the case at sam’s…
don’t even get me started on banana laffy taffy. i have robbed many a halloween bag for those delectable delights…
My sisters and I were raised without "junk" food. Never knew it existed…
But on sister weekends the hotel bed is covered with double stuff oreos, bull's eye candies, peanut m&m's-yummy!
Also, when my Keith starts rustling around the pantry I quickly head on up the stairs…
Loved the blog!
I forgot to tell you that the new design of your blog site is fabuleous! The font is one of my favorite! The lighter colors are easier on the eyes and the side-bars with the graphical fonts are fun! Also, the quick click boxes make it easier to be informed. Whomever did it, thank them for me! It’s much ‘easier and friendlier!”
So funny! I too must admit, that I loved a good moon pie with a Dr. Pepper. There is another story behind it. But that was it. Couldn’t find them anymore as an adult in Southern CA. My husband travels alot and came home one night with a moon pie he’d found for me in an airport. You would’ve thought he’d brought me roses! I squeeled. Unfortunately, they didn’t taste quite like I remembered. 🙂
I’m almost 30 (I know for some of you it’s not a big deal . . .but I’m struggling with it!)
When I was little my dad would take me to McDonalds on Saturday mornings and they had a cheese danish that was amazing. If I had only known they would no longer make them I would have bought them out and froze the things. I can still remember how sweet and gooey they were. :::sigh:::: Unfortunately I haven’t found the first thing that comes even close. . .
My grandfather is 83, a diabetic and only a couple of his real teeth, but he still eats his Moon Pies! I’m pretty sure that you can buy them at Sam’s and they come in bulk size!!
LOL! I read this to my own sweet, Moon Pie loving Keith. He listened and laughed, even though I was interrupting his watching of “Field of Dreams.” Our poor boys. They are made to grow up and become men and then they take away the few things that remind them of their childhood and allow them to safely become a boy again.
Hands down, the stretchy “Macintosh” taffy that came in the little red box. Ahhh…isn’t it amazing how soothing a certain food can be? Although I’m not sure these would qualify as “foods”…. 🙂
Fountain cherry cokes and chili dogs (made fresh at Hersheys soda fountain store) How I would love to have that meal again
Rejoicing
In PA we call them Whoopie Pies…you can find them all over PA Dutch country…just made some for my son’s birthday…get some for Keith next month when you’re in Lancaster!
Marathon bars and the candy bar, Peanut Butter, No Jelly. Or maybe is was just called No Jelly. I can’t remember now…..
The thought of them now makes me gag but I loved when I was sick and could miss school and go to work with my mother. She was a church secretary. For lunch we would have cream soda and pork rinds!
OH mercy! I am a Texan by birth, though I have not lived there for some years. Moon Pies must be a true Texas phenomenon, though, but they are even harder to find outside of Texas!
Moon Pies and snowballs, though, are my all-time favorites!!