A few months ago I wrote a blog called “Keeping it Real and Reverence for God”. There I admitted that even though I resonate with my generation’s passion for spiritual authenticity, I find myself uncomfortable with some of the crass and colloquial statements that we sometimes use to express our feelings of anger or confusion toward God. It wasn’t just a coincidence that I had just finished reading Leviticus and gotten the feeling that perhaps many of us had forgotten the awe-inspiring nature of the God at whom we are hurling these comments. I made the following statement there that summarizes the tenor of my blog-post:
“The hard truth is that we are going to endure times that we feel God is absent or even that He is forsaking us in a certain situation but we should be careful how, when, and to whom we verbalize it. Perhaps, in smaller matters that mostly have to do with out distrust in God, we may need to repent of our unbelief. In matters of great disaster that leave our heads completely spinning in devastation, perhaps we should first confess our anger and grief in our personal prayer lives or maybe even with an individual and very trusted accountability partner. He obviously knows when we are angry with Him, so we should confess this to Him, plead with Him, and pour out our hearts to Him in truth, butmust we always publicly express our displeasure toward God?”
I tried to make a distinction between comments we make to God privately in prayer or whatnot and what we say to God or about God in a public forum (for example, a blog or a sermon, etc). And then I made a qualification that I hope you caught. I said, “Perhaps you have better answers and solutions than I do.” This was my attempt to warn you that I even though I felt fair enough warrant to say what I did, I also knew there was much more to the story.
And there is.
And I’ve been doing a lot of reading in that direction because I never want to get too stuck in my theological viewpoints that I miss out on allowing Scripture to knock down my tightly held interpretations. I think sometimes we search Scripture in order to look for support on viewpoints we already maintain, when we really should expect Scripture more often than not to confront and destroy those viewpoints- after all, we are human and we’ve been wrong before, right? So we can be wrong again. I have on occasion seen people maintain viewpoints that are so obviously contrary to what Scripture says in effort to defend a position that they have held for many years. To see this sort of behavior firsthand is astonishing. It is also one of my greatest personal fears. So I did more study because I felt there was more depth to this tension that we experience as Christians- this tension of fearing and showing reverence to God while at the same time maintaining confidence to approach Him and voice our despair and unbelief to Him.
In addition to looking through some of Jeremiah, the Psalms, Job, and Lamentations, I’ve read two things that have caught my attention lately: a book called “The God I Don’t Understand: Reflections on Tough Questions of Faith” by Christopher J.H. Wright and an article called “If God is Good and Sovereign, Why Lament?” by Nicholas Wolterstorff (published in Calvin Theological Journal 2001). Both of these publications have me thinking a whole lot about the literature that reflects a voice of protest and lament in the Bible itself.
So, What is Lament?
To use Wolterstorff’s explanation “The lament, at its heart, is giving voice to the suffering that accompanies deep loss, whatever that loss may be. Lament is not about suffering. Lament is not concerning suffering. Lament does not count the stages and try to identify the stage in which one finds oneself. Lament is the language of suffering, the voicing of suffering. Behind lament are tears over loss. Lament goes beyond the tears to voice the suffering. To voice suffering, one must name it- identify it. Sometimes that is difficult, even impossible. The memories are repressed so that the suffering is screened from view. Or one is aware of it, in a way, but in naming it, identifying it for what it is, would be too painful, too embarrassing. So one resists. Then, one cannot lament. One suffers without being able to lament. Lament is an achievement. Lament is more, though, than the voicing of suffering. The mere voicing of one’s suffering is complaint, not lament. Lament is a cry to God. This presupposes, of course, that lament is the action of a believer” (42-43).
Wright also made a comment that hit me in between the eyes. I hope you will read it all the way through:
“In the Bible, which we believe is God’s Word, such that we find in it is what God wished to be there, there is plenty of lament, protest, anger, and baffled questions. The point we should notice (possibly to our surprise) is that it is all hurled at God, not by his enemies but by those who loved and trusted him most. It seems, indeed, that it is precisely those who have the closest relationship with God who feel most at liberty to pour out their pain and protest to God- without fear or reproach. Lament is not only allowed in the Bible; it is modeled for us in abundance. God seems to want to give us many words with which to fill in our complaint forms as to write out thank-you notes. Perhaps this is because whatever amount of lament the world causes us to express is a drop in the ocean compared to the grief in the heart of God himself at the totality of suffering that only God can comprehend” (50-51).
And then he says something even more striking:
“It surely cannot be accidental that in the divinely inspired book of Psalms there are more psalms of lament and anguish that of joy and thanksgiving. These are words that God has actually given us. God has allowed them a prominent place in his authorized songbook. We need both forms of worship in abundance as we live in this wonderful, terrible world…I feel that the language of lament is seriously neglected in the church. Many Christians seem to feel that somehow it can’t be right to complain to God in the context of corporate worship when we should all feel happy. There is an implicit pressure to stifle our real feelings because we are urged by pious merchants of emotional denial, that we ought to have “faith” (as if the moaning psalmists didn’t). So we end up giving external voice to pretended emotions we do not really feel, while hiding the real emotions we are struggling with deep inside. Going to worship can become an exercise in pretence and concealment, neither of which can possibly be conducive for a real encounter with God. So, in reaction to some appalling disaster or tragedy, rather than cry out our true feelings to God, we prefer other ways of responding to it.
It’s all part of God’s curse on the earth.
It’s God’s judgment.
It’s meant for a warning.
It’s ultimately for our own good.
God is sovereign so that must make it all OK in the end” (52).
And then comes the real clincher. Wright says, “But our suffering friends in the Bible didn’t choose that way. They simply cry out in pain and protest against God- precisely because they know God. Their protest is born out of the jarring contrast between what they know and what they see” (53).
Wolterstorff gives two main parts to a lament: First, lament is a cry to God for deliverance: “Deliver me, O God, from this suffering” (see Psalm 22:19-21a as an example). Second, lament is a cry to God of “Why? “Why, O God is this happening?” (Psalm 22: 1-2 as an example) I don’t understand it…I cannot discern your hand in this darkness” (44). It is crucial as believers in Christ that the “the cry occurs within the context of the yet of enduring faith and ongoing praise, for in raising Christ from the dead, we have God’s word and deed that he will be victorious in the struggle” (52).
Now I’ve never uttered a lament in my life. I’ve complained, don’t get me wrong but I’ve never composed or verbally expressed something of my own in the form of a biblical lament. If I am to be honest, I must admit that my personality tends to want to err on the side of reverence for God and unwavering trust no matter the horror of the situation rather than choose the route of raw authenticity. I don’t say this to boast, for I am obviously numbered among those “pious merchants of emotional denial” who lay pressure on people to stifle their real feelings that Wright so eloquently rebukes. And I am openly grappling with Wright’s words. I think he may be right about me. Just like those who I think have stepped over a boundary and offended God in their attempt to be “authentic”, I think in my attempt to “reverence” God I may have been emotionally aloof and callous toward real human suffering. In this I have ignored my own Savior’s haunting words, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Over the past few weeks of studying lament and protest in the biblical text, I’ve felt a humanness that I don’t always feel. I haven’t felt as dismissive of suffering or brokenness. I feel a little more in touch with reality. So this is me being theologically vulnerable with you today. And it ain’t easy.
Now back to our previous issue- the paradox. The paradox is something like this- we have confidence to voice our despair and our confusion to God but at the same time we must remember to whom we speak. Now in this blog post I am trying to come clean that I may have swung too far on the pendulum, but there is of course the polar opposite extreme. There are a couple of passages that draw a line for us concerning our protests and laments to God that I think we must keep in mind. Psalm 73 is a passage that often gets my attention. The Psalmist Asaph compares the righteous and the wicked and he despairs that the wicked are carefree and prosperous. Why do the faithful exert so much energy when there is no advantage for them over the wicked? He then lets us in on something- he wouldn’t speak this out loud to others because he knows he would betray God’s children. He refrained from speaking disturbing words to the people of God because he knew they could cause serious and perhaps lasting damage. This is profound. In addition to Psalm 73, there is a fascinating passage in Jeremiah where Jeremiah says something absolutely SHOCKING:
“You understand, O LORD; remember me and care for me. Avenge me on my persecutors…When your came, I ate them; They were my joy and my heart’s delight, For I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty…Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? Will you be to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails?” (Jer. 15:15-17)
Okay, so Jeremiah has just asked God why his pain is unending even though he has lived faithfully and in painful isolation for God’s very name, and then he says to the Lord, “Will you be to me like a spring that fails?” This is bold, Jeremiah, very bold. This is Scripture, mind you, and I am getting uncomfortable. God then says:
“If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman” (Jer. 15:19).
Here God’s words to Jeremiah show that even though we have a voice with Him, there is a line that we can cross when we protest and lament. Jeremiah may need to watch his mouth at this point. The Lord has deemed Jeremiah’s words to be worthless, though of course He allows him the opportunity to repent. There are boundaries to our protests.
The point of this blog was to take you through a theological journey I am going through- one of dealing with the paradox of the Christian life. As Wolterstorff pointed out in his essay, there have been many in our theological tradition resistant to following the biblical writer’s example and fully partaking in lament (Augustine, Aquinas, and Calvin are just a few examples). And they had their reasons. Some of them are pretty good reasons. For example, Calvin would have voiced his suffering but would not have cried out “Why?” since he believed he knew the answer to that question: suffering is sent from the hand of God for our good. As Wolterstorff says, “We must choose, then, between the massive weights of our theological tradition, on the one hand, and following the psalmist and permitting ourselves to lament, on the other. Should we choose against the tradition, that choice must not be quick, or glib…We must know what we are doing when we make the choice; we must realize the consequences” (50). Wolterstorff who wrote in the wake of the early death of his own son chose to lament but he is careful to caution us to make our choice intelligently.
Be assured- these are theological questions and I know they’re tough. These are questions concerning how we apply and interpret biblical texts, whether or not we feel that we have the freedom to speak in the same way the biblical authors spoke. And if we believe we do have that freedom, then just how far is too far? Where is the line? So, faced with the paradox and the promise that some amount of pain is inevitably coming your direction- how will you respond? Will you swing toward the direction of refusing to verbalize your deepest questions and uncertainties or will you lament like the Psalmist or like the prophet Jeremiah? And beyond that, do you think lament should be used more commonly in corporate worship contexts?
As far as I am concerned these are very difficult questions without any simple answers, but this doesn’t keep me from asking you where you stand in the midst of all of this and what insight you may have.
Praise the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph; the God of David, Solomon, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, Peter, and Paul. Praise the God who carries His people through a dark and broken world and grants us bright hope for an everlasting tomorrow. The God who will one day light the beacons of heaven, sound the trumpets, and until that great day scatters glimpses of triumph for us through all the tragedy.
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Melissa,
I am not anything close to a thelogian, but I did want to share something that I have learned by simply living life.
If I don’t give myself the freedom to lament to my Heavenly Father, in private (I don’t know WHAT I think about the corporate lament), then how will He be able to touch and heal my heart?
Sure, He already knows everything, He is in control, and He has a purpose in all things whether or not I understand it.
However, if I can’t come before Him and bare my soul (which no matter how much I wish it were not true, includes powerful emotions), then I cannot have a true intimate realationship with Him.
Not only that (and this is the point of my rambling), but I cannot have authentic relationships with others, either.
Tami from LA,
I can’t tell you how many times I have cried out to the Lord and experienced what you are talking about (the answer) that very same day. I agree with you, it’s like He wants to hear from us, but also desires for us to move past issues to more of Him. He takes care of us and just wants us to believe in Him.
Thanks for the post!!
just finished reading Courtney’s post and it invoked in me the feeling i always get around people like your Mother….i see God’s Glory and am so full of “comfort and joy” but when i ponder this beauty i fear how much “lament” it costs….funny, the lament part doesn’t show….the resurrection body is not a lamenting one….the joy shows…the life shows…when i hear a gutwrenching lament in a church service it weakens me to the core….it is Holy….like the Revelation song….that is a lament…that is what God as i understand him hears(the earth groans until). “My Soul cries out” is a lament – it can’t not CRY OUT! Tears of Blood is a lament which Knows and feels the Depths from which God hears us. And your man, N.T. wright would say we have both,”tears and joy”. However much of either it takes to remove this heart of stone will be our measure…there is an abundance of both and we choose how much we will receive…i don’t mean of painful occurences i mean of how we handle them – lament or denial and a more pragmatic outlook…but i’m rambling and not doing your kind of researching so i’ll hang up now and do some journeying of my own…Thank You for bringing us into this discussion between you and your Father…p.s. i think of something that Ann Rice said about the difference between the Christmas Christians and The Passion Christians…you might, like her be a Chritmas Christian!Thanks again it is always SO Good to hear from you!!!!
I believe the answer lies in the words of the Lord’s prayer in Matt. 6
We go to him as Father (and this is the relationship we intimately have with Him)
we acknowledge Him as Hallowed, or Holy
the balance is right there in the opening of this prayer, and prayer is our conversation with the Lord God Almighty, our Heavenly Father
The very fact you are being transparent in this theological journey is complete refreshment.
I find your thinking process quite amazing. Thank you.
Personally, I have been on both sides of the spectrum. In my earlier years with my relationship, I was the one who pretended my emotions were not there out of reverence and respect to God and to be the “Christian” I am suppose to be. As I get older and older (approaching 40), my intimate relationship with God demands complete rendering of my heart. Laying it all bare for He sees it anyway. And He is the Master Fixer, Healer and Friend. What my Father wants from me is truth in the inner most being–and my emotions go right along with that. And the solution for me and my walk (I can only speak for me) is to speak, shout, praise, lament when needed as it is the whole package of relationship.
May God bless you Melissa in your ministry and journey with HIM.
Shelly in Fl.
Melissa, thank you for your honesty. However, too much theology and trying to think through everything would be damaging to my faith. I need to know that I can always, always come to God. I’m so thankful that He doesn’t require me to have it all together to do so. I come in faith.
Reverence for God – absolutely. But in the dark hours I need to know that I can go to Him, cry, share my heart, and receive His love and healing.
I think one reason we don’t lament is we are trying to come before God in our perfection and try to be somewhat holy before Him. We forget Rm 8:1 “there is no condemantion to those who are in Christ”. And also, wherever it say’s “His grace is sufficient for us”. He already knows what’s bugging us before we come to talk to him. Lamenting teaches us that He is God, We need Him, His grace can handle it in a heartbeat, and We need the truth in ourselves more than we need the perfection. We will never be perfect before God, in what we do or say, whether in or out of prayer. Yet perfect in His eyes because of His grace. Sometimes we just need to lament and admit how bad it hurts. And sometimes I see the selfishness in me as I cry out to God over something I thought was huge. I would have never seen it until I gave it a voice. God in this way has saved my own disgrace of selfishly lamenting before others and feeling like a fool. Oh, and let me mention pride, jealousy etc. If I take to Him first, He shows me the truth in it and loves me anyways.
Ps 51:6 “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.”
Thanks Melissa,
Suzanne
I am a Christian Counselor and work in a counseing center at a church. One of the most difficult things I encounter is that most Christians feel guilty for hurting and not understanding their pain. Therefore, they never truly face and wrestle with the trauma and wounds in their past in light of the Gospel.
We are taught so often to trust God at the expense of being truly honest. (which obviously shows our trust is shallow.) From now on I will give my clients the link to this post.
Thank you!
~S
the whole earth quaked at the death of Jesus…..Does our Father not know Lament? God is the supreme sacrifice /lament for our salvation
Ever since somewhere in early college (15 years ago), I have loved the Psalms. And I do not think you can read them (and Job for that matter) without realizing that God can handle our complaints. I think one of the greatest gifts the book of Psalms gives us is the personal insight into David’s prayer life with God.
However, Eccl. 5:1-2 has always reminded me that there is a line. And honestly, I think for most of us American, western thinkers we do tend towards hiding the emotion. I’ve been reminded recently from Ps. 31 that the Lord knows the troubles of my soul…and it’s okay for me to have them and dialogue with Him about them. He can take my stuff.
However, we are wise to remember that though He can take our stuff, HE alone is sovereign over that stuff, and reserves the right to come to us, as He did Job, and put us in our place, so to speak! And then our response becomes repentance.
As for corporate lamenting, I’m clueless. I’ve never seen a good example of it and would categorize myself much like you in public “among the pious merchants of emotional denial” and at times callous to the suffering of others. My reaction tends to be: “It’s fine if they want to lament in public, but no way Jose am I going to do that.”
Thanks for the thought provoking post. May we all continue to come before the throne of grace with confidence…and receive the grace we freely find there.
Blessings…
Wow, Melissa. This is heavy reading for a Friday afternoon! 🙂 Thanks for provoking my thoughts.
I think God absolutely wants us to be real with Him, and that includes our laments! I think sometimes it should be in the privacy of our relationship with Him, and at others it should be in a more corporate setting. We should be able to learn from one another through this practice.
We absolutely need to remember Who we are talking to when voicing our laments, just like Scripture shows us in Jeremiah. I don’t think at all that God wants us to just sit around, take it, and be quiet about our suffering. He is indeed my Master, but I think more importantly to Him, He is my Father. He treasures our relationship and there’s a huge part of it that would be missing if I didn’t voice my laments to Him.
What a complex situation. Being a Christian certainly isn’t boring!
Have a great weekend.
I think the Lord loves when we work things out with Him and He meets us right where we are with that struggle. We can lean too far either way in thinking God is to be revered without exposing any of our darkness, or believing He is our best bud. He is God alone and the only able One to manage all of our messes and our joys. Thanks for a thought-provoking post. Hope Atlanta is having a prettier day than Houston. Love, Annette
Melissa and Anonymous,
You are right. I look back on that season of pain and suffering now and I KNOW He is who He says He is. I know I’ve had an encounter with Him.
I look back on that situation that was one of my worst fears, and I realize that not only did I survive it, but it has become an eternal treasure! It has more value to me than anything on this earth. And that alone is a miracle!
I’ve been amazed at how He has used this testimony in others’ lives as well.
Thanks for the encouragement and the opportunity to share what He has done! To God be the glory!
Melissa, I do think with all my mind that our God wants us to share our deepest emotions with Him(although He already knows)God invites us to have a real life one on one relationship w/ Him. I do believe we can cry out to God in our times of trouble and in times of joy. And yes I have to agree that we much watch the way we come before our Lord in anger. But it is wonderful that he invites us to repent-and wants to so graciously forgive us. Thank you God that you love me so much andI know that I can never do anything to end your love for me.
It is a part of the learning isn’t it? I mean, being relational with God. Holding your head back and just screaming at him for the first time and nothing happens to you–no lightening bolts, no immediate death of you or your loved ones. A moment of pure authenticity before him, just telling him, you know what, the buck stops with you and you didn’t stop it. Why not? And yet, you find yourself still alive…not punished beyond measure. What a relief that is the first time you do that.
Sometimes, my children have to just yell at me because the world is too big and too hurtful and they come home and I’m the one they can yell at. On those days, I think I love them the most. I have often wondered if it isn’t those days that God doesn’t love me the most. I don’t scold them on those days, I hug them. Hug them hard. I think He does the same for us.
Oh, to let each other just learn at the feet of our God who can bring it all to fruition and not feel the need to control it.
I just read this post today and have found it very interesting. I think I lean towards not wanting to question God and just say that He had a reason for whatever has happened or what I might be going through. But I realize after reading your post that maybe I react that way more out of fear of making God angry with me. I’m reminded that God knows our hearts and our innermost thoughts. Nothing is hidden from Him. He wants us to share everything with Him. I also heed the warning that we should be very careful how we approach Him. He is God after all! He is our King of Kings and is very Holy! Yet I’m so glad He is a very merciful God!
God Bless!
I so need prayer, but I need to be willing, ok…
I don’t like the darkness deep in me and is so much of confrontation that i am not comfortable with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Melissa, As I read your blog entry yesterday I decided that this 64 year old had gotten in over her head. I need to read it several times to get the full impact of it. I had no idea that I would be writing a comment on it until today. I referred your entry to two friends today because of a tragedy that happened to a family here in Eldorado. Last Friday, a brother and sister, attending A&M and living together, were shot and killed by a young man the sister had dated. These young people were from a Christian home and very close. They have a 15 year old brother at home who idolized his big brother and sister. One friend that I referred to your entry works with the Mother of the slain. She said that several had suggested the young brother seek counseling and was hoping that he would know that grieving was okay. When she said that, your blog came to mind and I told her about it. She is very much familiar with your Mom, of course. Melissa, this is one of those times that we cry out to God and say, why have you allowed such a tragedy to happen? I lost my only child a few years ago and that was a nightmare to get through. I cannot imagine losing two at once…and to such a seemingly senseless way. Our small town is still in mourning for the family and their loss. I also referred your entry to my good friend because of what happened and because of some things she is going through with her family. (FYI…we are doing Esther together) As Esther says, "who knows but that you wrote this article for such a time as this."
Oh my word sister!! Wow!! But In my personal quiet time just this week I read the Ask, Seek, Knock passage in Matthew. I believe that this doesn’t just mean stuff, this means answers, too, and that He wants us to ask. And if HE chooses not to answer, then so be it, but we must lament to Him. We’ve gotta bear all to him so he can heal/fix/transform.
Gulley
This was some great food for thought and personal testing. Thank you for being vulnerable!
I’m headed to Mexico tomorrow on a mission trip but I didn’t want to miss out on the Siesta Memory post so I thought I’d get it done in advance.
NIV – 1 Peter 3:1-6
It’s the same verses I was working on last round. I had difficulty mastering all of them this time.
If any of the Siesta’s would like to join me in praying for God’s hand to move during the mission trip, my team and I would be greatly honored. We’re going to Nuevo Laredo, Mexico with a team of 24 ranging in age from 14 to 60. We’re partnering with a local church to do evangelism throughout the city. My heart longs for the beautiful people of Mexico to give glory to God in their uniquely created expression of worship. I can’t wait to see what he’ll do!
Here’s a link to check out pictures and trip updates while we’re there:
http://awestar.wordpress.com/
This internet community is such a blessing!
Dearest Melissa,
Thank you for your honest heart…I too struggle with “theological questions” and yet when my heart is tender after a night of crying out to the One who wraps His arms around me…I know that it is FINALLY okay to be open and honest with Someone Who truly loves me. Praise God for a Father who loves us and desires to commune with us no matter what we present to Him…no matter whether good or bad….He is always there. Praise God that His mercies are new every day… Lam 3:22-23
This is probably a repeat of something that someone else has said but I need to tell you what came to my mind. Brokenness, confession, restoration. At least in my life this is how these words have played out. At least I think this is the jist of what you are saying, Melissa. Thank you for this thought provoking post.
Kels
Melissa,
Both rich and deep! I find great comfort in knowing that my God grants me access to Him with all spectrums of my emotions. God is technicolor where emotions are concerned while reverence is black and white. We can “pour out our complaint” before God while never losing awe for His position of authority over our lives.
He is amazing and full of grace.
Thank you for this article, my friend.
I don’t struggle with this quite as much because God has been so incredibly faithful to me on this issue. I have a deep brokenness and much of my healing has come through times of lament. When God has brought me to my knees and to a place in which I can do little else but cry out. And then come the tears of healing. This is not to say that I have never crossed the line, but that’s where His faithfulness comes in. He is quick to rebuke me and reveal my wrong thinking or irreverent attitude. I am greatful for His guidance because without it, I’m sure that I would be a “pious merchant of emotional denial.” and still so very broken.
Melissa, i think you touched on something very profound (or it touched you) when you said:” …I’ve felt a humanness i don’t always feel. …” That whole thought idea feeling is over my language skills to convey or my theological understandings to unpack BUT i do know it reaches into my soul to something very basic and fundamental… what have we lost and what have we gained? i’ll be reading this post often.
Good job, Melissa! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Oh, Melissa,
What a timely Word.
I have found words to what I have been feeling.
I can’t tell you how many times over the past 7 years I have said to myself, “Getting through the pain of the unexpected death of my sweet husband would be so much easier if I weren’t a Christian. Now hear me out….I’m not saying I wouldn’t want to be a Christian, no way.
But oh my goodness, the expectations to say the right things (he’s in a better place, I know where he is and will see him again someday) act the right way (she sure is handling it well, she is a strong person) and respond the right way (I’m glad to see she is getting over this, she is still right there serving the Lord)has crippled me spiritually for 7 years. I never lamented.
While all the above statements are true and I do believe them and have for years there was never any lament. Never crying out to God.
Yes, I do believe there is a line that we should be wary of and I too tend to err on the “we don’t need to say THAT to God” side. So instead of identifying it and naming it I just stuffed it away. But praise God there it is in black and white — LAMENT!
I can’t wait to do a study of this on my own. Maybe this 7 year journey that has me stuck has just been kick-started. What freedom!
Thank You, Jesus for using Melissa and Living Proof. May God bless you all!
Melissa,
Thanks for being real and vulnerable with what God is teaching you. I like to refer to the book of Habakkuk when I think of the line with God. I think he was respectful yet voiced his concern. Also I love the Psalms because David was a man after God’s heart. I like how he seems to voice these things to God alone and then ends on a more positive note. I am alot like that because I am very emotional yet like you I respect God and take His holiness seriously. I think on your journey God will give you balance in this area that your heart will know. He will give you peace at what is appropriate. I cringe sometimes when I hear the throwing around of God’s name casually too. There is a fine line and it is all of the heart so really God only knows each person and if their expressions are appropriate or not before Him. It is a tricky thing. May He show you what it is that you need to see in this. YOu are a blessing!
Much love,
Angela
Such great thoughts that I too have been struggling with. I have had so many trying situations all at once in the past 10 years I cannot begin to name them all and as I had continued in my bible studies, church, seeking him with all my might, praising him in spite of my feelings, I was and am still struggling with a broken heart and sorrow yet and am bothered when I hear preachers talk of “who would want to come to a church with sad faces and gloom” and the insinuation that we should walk around with flattering dispositions that are not true (What a Lie)Even in my lament I have hope and great love and choose to remember His faithfulness and His promises but I still am broken and sorrowful. I love you Lord.
This so goes with my question I am pondering in the Esther study. I know that Beth mentions the Jews being in great sorrow for not going back to Jerusalem but I wonder if it was just great sorrow and grief for the situation that they were in in a place where they were about to be used by Him (Esther especially). They were both under wicked kings. One is Jerusalem who would not allow them to rebuild the temple and one in Persia who was caught in the sin of ego and pride. God had told them that he would scatter them in their disobedience but He would gather them back. Man gave the Jews a choice to come back but some did not go. Don’t you think that we have choices given in life and God can work with our choices one way or another but when He chooses to gather–He WILL GATHER! I’m still struggling with this and would love some response.
I love your posts, they make me think! I especially appreciate this one because it challenges me on a deeper level than you tend to come across. I think I tend to be a little too vocal with my lamenting, but thank to you, have a new awareness of that.
I really appreciate your open mindendness to the biblical texts, being willing to hear both sides. Thanks for not only being deliberate about opening your mind to different view points, but putting them in print for us all to benefit from your findings!!!
Melissa
Thanks – you and your Mom have given me so much thought material to grow from – perspective. I love Bible Study and have not had lots of opportunity to belong to study group. My husband and I do short studies together, but not “in-depth”, gut stuff. He is more basic in his theology and does an amazing job teaching “new believers”.( He has even written a study guide for n.b’s- great one!) I have found since following some of Beth`s teaching and this Blog (your own theological posts included)that my prayer life and also, my understanding God in relation to our relationship together has so changed and grown.
I have been more openly discussing my feelings with God in specific conversation prayers with Him. It has done something in regards to how I think about Him….and me.
Your post has really got me to consider this in a deeper way – as well as, I have just finished picking up a new copy of Beth`s Praying God`s Word. (I get a copy and end up giving it away – 6x at least – keeping this one!!)
So, maybe, next time you share such a theological perspective, my contribution will be more helpful. Meanwhile, thanks for the feed of steak and stirring up the desire to dig deeper on the subject.
Diane in Canada
Many are not broken people over sin. I’m not. I think if I was, my reverence for God would sore higher than it ever has.
Melissa,
Your posts are always such a blessing and so thought-provoking. The Lord has anointed you with some powerful gifts, girlfriend. And tomorrow at some time other than one in the morning I plan to reread your post and try to wrap my brain around this paradox. But now on to the kind of 1am chatter my brain can handle….did you see the Newsweek article in defense of your mama’s Snuggie? Just thought you’d get a chuckle. http://www.newsweek.com/id/189109?GT1=43002
Angela
I don’t know that I’d ever put myself in the same category with the biblical writers but I have entered my suffering, a door of hope (Hosea 2:13-14) to find my good God in the midst of my heartache and my world falling apart at times. My repentance has been far too shallow. What matters most is what rules our heart, isn’t it? What passion rules my heart in my lament? And for whom am I lamenting for? Myself? Suffering has been what God has used to draw me near. Suffering gives light—He turns my darkness into Light Psalm 18:28. My sin so surprises me at times and I can take it before my God to see what’s in my heart, if I’m advancing His Kingdom or my own. Loved reading every word of your beautiful heart. My daughters are alive in HIM just like you are but there is something about reading your heart here that is so deeply encouraging to this mom. God’s Hand is on your life! Your beautiful thoughts are so endearing, engaging, inviting, intriguing. This a.m. I read Exodus 33:13 – The Lord is pleased with you…teach me your ways, O God, that I may truly know you and continue to find your favor. You have. You are. You will.
Good Stuff…Good stuff – This week i was pointed to John 12:41…the reason Jeremiah stayed faithful is because he saw the GLORY of Christ….Romans 8 speaks of us sharing in the Christ’s sufferings….for the GLORY FAR outweights those….
So, i like to keep it simple though these deep questions keep me Looking to Him to balance the paradox….it always (you know this) goes back to the beautiful living relationship…His patience (GLORY!) and love….and me inching closer and closer to understanding….and SEEING Him….GRasping His Love….journeying through this glorious terrible world….seeing the “unseen things”….being honest about the hurt….HE is with me in them…with me…GoD is With US. Jesus even went through abandonment —God turning His back on HIS Own SON…so we would NEVER be forsaken….WOooooooo-hhhooooooo…how AWESOME. Glorious.
love what you shared, how powerful….thanks!
Can’t touch that! Very thought provoking. I will spend some time contemplating your thoughts.
I think it is important to seek out answers to such intellectual, complex and worthy topics.
But, I believe that God really seeks a relationship with each of us and He can meet us where we are. He asks us to rely, depend, need, desire, hunger for Him. That implies that he expects us to be honest yet respectful, transparent yet discerning, weak yet hopeful.
And the most absolute truth, the one that sets Christians apart from any other faith is GRACE. His full and glorious grace!
So, even in the pouring out of a lament, or even a complaint, He knows our hearts already, He longs for us to seek Him. He can handle our emotions even when we can’t, and He can forgive and pour down grace.
Lauri
Melissa,
I definitely fall on the side of lamenting. We have had circumstances in our family that have been devastating and losses over the years that were heart wrenching. I must say, had I not been able to Lament during that time–I very well may have lost my mind to the grief. I felt perhaps the closest to Christ and the Father at that point simply because I was holding onto Him for dear life.
Having said that, I believe we can take it to far. (And I’m sure I have, like Jeremiah) Your post wise and balanced in my opinion. I try to keep in mind just Who it is I’m addressing. I think it may be easier to fall into the area of sin when we complain with the purpose of (whether conscious or unconscious) exclaiming our self-righteousness. Perhaps the lack of a humble spirit is the discerning difference.
With much affection!
Anna in MO
Melissa,
Wow. This is really “on target” with things I have grappled with myself. You have got a way with words, Sister. Keep it coming.
I myself have hidden my true emotions from the Lord in an effort to be reverent, fearing He would “smite” me if I spoke out in protest over what I believed He was dealing me in life. Yes, I WAS hiding my mourning from Him….
I’ve never thought of giving voice to our suffering as being a consequential decision. As Job did, he poured out the bitterness of his heart and all the while never “sinned and charged God with wrongdoing.”
I want to learn this. I need it.
Thank you for your words.
I am so thankful I serve a God who gives me freedom to take every burden, every load, every question, every joy & every praise to Him in prayer.
I'm also thankful I was raised in a balanced Christian home as a preacher's daughter. Just like God, my parents allowed us girls to talk to them and even ask questions in a respectful way and to express our thoughts. My parents were always honest with us and our home was very balanced.
Even in the difficult times in my life I've always known God loves me. I've had my share of questions for Him through the years and I truly always felt Him holding me close and listening during those times. I may not have received an answer right then, but always felt a peace after pouring my heart to Him. There have been a few times when I've complained or griped and then I'd hear His voice say…."Ok….are you quite finished?" 🙂 I'd have to smile and let Him know I was. I love that about my God though. What a friend I have in Jesus.
You mom's Bible studies and lessons have been key to my having an authentic relationship with the Lord. I was born again at age eight, but in my early 40's when I began to have the relationship. I remember several years ago when your mom was talking about asking God to delight her while on her hike. Just the way she would talk to God was so precious and I told God I wanted a relationship with Him like that. I appreciate the ministry your family has and thank God for each of you.
Thank you for this post. My prayer today is that all who are hurting will feel free to lament…feel free to talk to God as their Father. I pray each who prays to God sincerely will find peace.
Love,
Valerie from Oklahoma
I've learned in the passing of my dearly loved grandmother this week, how to bring those in lament before God in private prayer. In being honest with Him, He has given me taste of His Peace, & it is so sweet. He's also shown me His Presence & Strength in a way I've never known. He is so Bigger.
Melissa, my brain is sore. I do think God wants us to lay our hearts out as we engage with Him in our daily walk. It requires our trust to pour out our hearts sharing the good the bad and the ugly. Lord help us to pour out our hearts to you in love remembering to do so with awe and reverence for who You are…the great I AM.
He will honor honesty.
“As a father has compassion on his children so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.”
Psalm 103:13
Thank you, Melissa, for causing me to really think about this.
Blessings,
Mary
Melissa – I wish you and I could get together for a cup of coffee and hours of conversation. You articulate what I observe and think about. Do you already have a book? What is it? Where can I buy it? If not, let me know when you do have a book. And let me know when you visit Boise, ID, I’ll buy you a cup of coffee. – [email protected]
so what are you saying? i got lost..
I by no means am a scholar of the things you wrote about, but here are my simplified and less scholarly thoughts about this subject.
I was one of those people who believed it was a sin to bring our questions and doubt to God. And heaven forbid you tell others you feel that way. God would surely strike you dead at that point.
I agree with you that we tend to say to others what we wouldn’t dare voice to God in an attempt to “keep it real.”
For me, I’m learning that God wants my sorrow. When I give him my grief, anger, disappointment, etc. I preface it with my trust in Him and acknowledgment that I don’t understand. I’m always careful to pray in the context of, “I believe, help my unbelief.”
I know this doesn’t really address an answer to your question. I guess the point is that we’re still seeking to Him. I’ve had to let go of so many beliefs that I held onto strongly growing up simply because, as I got older and began to seek God on my own, I realized those beliefs had no biblical basis.
As far as corporate goes, I have trouble picturing how that would work, but that’s not to say it isn’t appropriate. I think sometimes we miss out on so much as far as our experience with God is concerned because we’ve put God in a box.
I opened your comments this morning and I found that your subject was exactly what I had been reading about in my prayertime this morning from The Purpose Driven Life on day 14. God has such a wonderful way of reinforcing what He wants me to learn. I appreciate your honesty and have wrestled with those same things. Wanting to be able to say the right things to others when they are going through difficult times and usually missing the mark.
It seems to me that the people in the bible were usually talking directly to God when voicing their lament. The time to speak about those things in corporate worship I believe is when we are later giving testimony to what God has said and done to help us grow past the time of lamenting. We need to be aware that there are people of all spirtitual maturities and also people who have not yet chosen Jesus as their SAvior and children who may struggle with what we are saying or what we mean if we just stand up and speak out our laments to God in a public setting. I believe Paul speaks of this when he directs the people in 1 Corinthians 14:25-31. He is telling them not to speak in ‘other languages’ when there is no interpreter. That can be the case when we are lamenting before others who are not spiritually mature. It can seem as though we are speaking in another language that they don’t understand. Paul’s advice is for that person to speak to himself and to God.(Holman version)
God gives us close friendships with others who can encourage us and we don’t want to keep what He has taught us to ourselves when given the opportunity to testify so that we can help others know that when they are going through a difficult time of questioning God that is normal and others have experienced what they are experiencing.
I have rambled on and probably made no sense and as you said I may be proven wrong but that is what I feel God is revealing to me.
Thanks for your time and energy in expressing yourself to us.
I think I stand with the psalmists and Jeremiah on this. God knows the depths of the heart–a reverent lament or an unholy one. And if one goes too far, as Job did, God will correct. I would rather be corrected by God than remain silent and not hear from Him at all.
BTW, this hit me in the heart today. Just hours ago, I “almost” lamented to God but then felt that twinge of guilty and condemnation and didn’t voice it. I’m going to go do that right now.
Thank you, Melissa.
Melissa,
Thank you SO much for voicing the paradoxes that roll around in our heads, if only for a moment – that we too easily dismiss. I love that you challenge us to sit down and face these tough questions. I believe the process builds our relationship with the Lord, taking us to a deeper place. There is much about the newest faith movements that resonate with what I believe the church should be, but I too have been concerned with the lack of reverence, the “casualness” with which they approach God. I was firmly in your camp about the private complaining boundary, but your post has challenged me to rethink this. The prospect of bringing lament into corporate worship blows my mind and strikes me as something that would minister to many who come to church feeling as though they have to put on a mask. Thanks again Melissa – please keep up your good work. We need this!
“for GOD so loved the world that…” is the Supreme Lament…. can any of us ever get to that….no way – but we can taste it and it is bitter….God sees us lamenting before we understand it…We are still trying to cover it up with fig leaves . . if we are blessed by God who hears our cry before we do . . we can allow him to rescue us….we can receive his salvation through repentance….how many times does God lament our crazy mixed-up existence…knowing how much he has done to save us….knowing what is there for us if we will only open our eyes
Melissa,
I think it is very wonderful that you are a thinker and want to dig deeper and search. I really appreciate your searching and digging and thinking. With me I want to know why of things in life. Want to know what was meant in certain passages such as what your mom spoke on in Matthew 25 in the “Inheritance” study. (This has nothing to do with your topic). But why did one servant hide his one talent? The others had 5 and 2(I think) but that causes me to think on these matters, and what are other applications that could possible be there.
From just talking to you briefly on different occasions I want to say thank you for being just real and approachable.
Sincerely,
Allison