A few months ago I wrote a blog called “Keeping it Real and Reverence for God”. There I admitted that even though I resonate with my generation’s passion for spiritual authenticity, I find myself uncomfortable with some of the crass and colloquial statements that we sometimes use to express our feelings of anger or confusion toward God. It wasn’t just a coincidence that I had just finished reading Leviticus and gotten the feeling that perhaps many of us had forgotten the awe-inspiring nature of the God at whom we are hurling these comments. I made the following statement there that summarizes the tenor of my blog-post:
“The hard truth is that we are going to endure times that we feel God is absent or even that He is forsaking us in a certain situation but we should be careful how, when, and to whom we verbalize it. Perhaps, in smaller matters that mostly have to do with out distrust in God, we may need to repent of our unbelief. In matters of great disaster that leave our heads completely spinning in devastation, perhaps we should first confess our anger and grief in our personal prayer lives or maybe even with an individual and very trusted accountability partner. He obviously knows when we are angry with Him, so we should confess this to Him, plead with Him, and pour out our hearts to Him in truth, butmust we always publicly express our displeasure toward God?”
I tried to make a distinction between comments we make to God privately in prayer or whatnot and what we say to God or about God in a public forum (for example, a blog or a sermon, etc). And then I made a qualification that I hope you caught. I said, “Perhaps you have better answers and solutions than I do.” This was my attempt to warn you that I even though I felt fair enough warrant to say what I did, I also knew there was much more to the story.
And there is.
And I’ve been doing a lot of reading in that direction because I never want to get too stuck in my theological viewpoints that I miss out on allowing Scripture to knock down my tightly held interpretations. I think sometimes we search Scripture in order to look for support on viewpoints we already maintain, when we really should expect Scripture more often than not to confront and destroy those viewpoints- after all, we are human and we’ve been wrong before, right? So we can be wrong again. I have on occasion seen people maintain viewpoints that are so obviously contrary to what Scripture says in effort to defend a position that they have held for many years. To see this sort of behavior firsthand is astonishing. It is also one of my greatest personal fears. So I did more study because I felt there was more depth to this tension that we experience as Christians- this tension of fearing and showing reverence to God while at the same time maintaining confidence to approach Him and voice our despair and unbelief to Him.
In addition to looking through some of Jeremiah, the Psalms, Job, and Lamentations, I’ve read two things that have caught my attention lately: a book called “The God I Don’t Understand: Reflections on Tough Questions of Faith” by Christopher J.H. Wright and an article called “If God is Good and Sovereign, Why Lament?” by Nicholas Wolterstorff (published in Calvin Theological Journal 2001). Both of these publications have me thinking a whole lot about the literature that reflects a voice of protest and lament in the Bible itself.
So, What is Lament?
To use Wolterstorff’s explanation “The lament, at its heart, is giving voice to the suffering that accompanies deep loss, whatever that loss may be. Lament is not about suffering. Lament is not concerning suffering. Lament does not count the stages and try to identify the stage in which one finds oneself. Lament is the language of suffering, the voicing of suffering. Behind lament are tears over loss. Lament goes beyond the tears to voice the suffering. To voice suffering, one must name it- identify it. Sometimes that is difficult, even impossible. The memories are repressed so that the suffering is screened from view. Or one is aware of it, in a way, but in naming it, identifying it for what it is, would be too painful, too embarrassing. So one resists. Then, one cannot lament. One suffers without being able to lament. Lament is an achievement. Lament is more, though, than the voicing of suffering. The mere voicing of one’s suffering is complaint, not lament. Lament is a cry to God. This presupposes, of course, that lament is the action of a believer” (42-43).
Wright also made a comment that hit me in between the eyes. I hope you will read it all the way through:
“In the Bible, which we believe is God’s Word, such that we find in it is what God wished to be there, there is plenty of lament, protest, anger, and baffled questions. The point we should notice (possibly to our surprise) is that it is all hurled at God, not by his enemies but by those who loved and trusted him most. It seems, indeed, that it is precisely those who have the closest relationship with God who feel most at liberty to pour out their pain and protest to God- without fear or reproach. Lament is not only allowed in the Bible; it is modeled for us in abundance. God seems to want to give us many words with which to fill in our complaint forms as to write out thank-you notes. Perhaps this is because whatever amount of lament the world causes us to express is a drop in the ocean compared to the grief in the heart of God himself at the totality of suffering that only God can comprehend” (50-51).
And then he says something even more striking:
“It surely cannot be accidental that in the divinely inspired book of Psalms there are more psalms of lament and anguish that of joy and thanksgiving. These are words that God has actually given us. God has allowed them a prominent place in his authorized songbook. We need both forms of worship in abundance as we live in this wonderful, terrible world…I feel that the language of lament is seriously neglected in the church. Many Christians seem to feel that somehow it can’t be right to complain to God in the context of corporate worship when we should all feel happy. There is an implicit pressure to stifle our real feelings because we are urged by pious merchants of emotional denial, that we ought to have “faith” (as if the moaning psalmists didn’t). So we end up giving external voice to pretended emotions we do not really feel, while hiding the real emotions we are struggling with deep inside. Going to worship can become an exercise in pretence and concealment, neither of which can possibly be conducive for a real encounter with God. So, in reaction to some appalling disaster or tragedy, rather than cry out our true feelings to God, we prefer other ways of responding to it.
It’s all part of God’s curse on the earth.
It’s God’s judgment.
It’s meant for a warning.
It’s ultimately for our own good.
God is sovereign so that must make it all OK in the end” (52).
And then comes the real clincher. Wright says, “But our suffering friends in the Bible didn’t choose that way. They simply cry out in pain and protest against God- precisely because they know God. Their protest is born out of the jarring contrast between what they know and what they see” (53).
Wolterstorff gives two main parts to a lament: First, lament is a cry to God for deliverance: “Deliver me, O God, from this suffering” (see Psalm 22:19-21a as an example). Second, lament is a cry to God of “Why? “Why, O God is this happening?” (Psalm 22: 1-2 as an example) I don’t understand it…I cannot discern your hand in this darkness” (44). It is crucial as believers in Christ that the “the cry occurs within the context of the yet of enduring faith and ongoing praise, for in raising Christ from the dead, we have God’s word and deed that he will be victorious in the struggle” (52).
Now I’ve never uttered a lament in my life. I’ve complained, don’t get me wrong but I’ve never composed or verbally expressed something of my own in the form of a biblical lament. If I am to be honest, I must admit that my personality tends to want to err on the side of reverence for God and unwavering trust no matter the horror of the situation rather than choose the route of raw authenticity. I don’t say this to boast, for I am obviously numbered among those “pious merchants of emotional denial” who lay pressure on people to stifle their real feelings that Wright so eloquently rebukes. And I am openly grappling with Wright’s words. I think he may be right about me. Just like those who I think have stepped over a boundary and offended God in their attempt to be “authentic”, I think in my attempt to “reverence” God I may have been emotionally aloof and callous toward real human suffering. In this I have ignored my own Savior’s haunting words, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Over the past few weeks of studying lament and protest in the biblical text, I’ve felt a humanness that I don’t always feel. I haven’t felt as dismissive of suffering or brokenness. I feel a little more in touch with reality. So this is me being theologically vulnerable with you today. And it ain’t easy.
Now back to our previous issue- the paradox. The paradox is something like this- we have confidence to voice our despair and our confusion to God but at the same time we must remember to whom we speak. Now in this blog post I am trying to come clean that I may have swung too far on the pendulum, but there is of course the polar opposite extreme. There are a couple of passages that draw a line for us concerning our protests and laments to God that I think we must keep in mind. Psalm 73 is a passage that often gets my attention. The Psalmist Asaph compares the righteous and the wicked and he despairs that the wicked are carefree and prosperous. Why do the faithful exert so much energy when there is no advantage for them over the wicked? He then lets us in on something- he wouldn’t speak this out loud to others because he knows he would betray God’s children. He refrained from speaking disturbing words to the people of God because he knew they could cause serious and perhaps lasting damage. This is profound. In addition to Psalm 73, there is a fascinating passage in Jeremiah where Jeremiah says something absolutely SHOCKING:
“You understand, O LORD; remember me and care for me. Avenge me on my persecutors…When your came, I ate them; They were my joy and my heart’s delight, For I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty…Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? Will you be to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails?” (Jer. 15:15-17)
Okay, so Jeremiah has just asked God why his pain is unending even though he has lived faithfully and in painful isolation for God’s very name, and then he says to the Lord, “Will you be to me like a spring that fails?” This is bold, Jeremiah, very bold. This is Scripture, mind you, and I am getting uncomfortable. God then says:
“If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman” (Jer. 15:19).
Here God’s words to Jeremiah show that even though we have a voice with Him, there is a line that we can cross when we protest and lament. Jeremiah may need to watch his mouth at this point. The Lord has deemed Jeremiah’s words to be worthless, though of course He allows him the opportunity to repent. There are boundaries to our protests.
The point of this blog was to take you through a theological journey I am going through- one of dealing with the paradox of the Christian life. As Wolterstorff pointed out in his essay, there have been many in our theological tradition resistant to following the biblical writer’s example and fully partaking in lament (Augustine, Aquinas, and Calvin are just a few examples). And they had their reasons. Some of them are pretty good reasons. For example, Calvin would have voiced his suffering but would not have cried out “Why?” since he believed he knew the answer to that question: suffering is sent from the hand of God for our good. As Wolterstorff says, “We must choose, then, between the massive weights of our theological tradition, on the one hand, and following the psalmist and permitting ourselves to lament, on the other. Should we choose against the tradition, that choice must not be quick, or glib…We must know what we are doing when we make the choice; we must realize the consequences” (50). Wolterstorff who wrote in the wake of the early death of his own son chose to lament but he is careful to caution us to make our choice intelligently.
Be assured- these are theological questions and I know they’re tough. These are questions concerning how we apply and interpret biblical texts, whether or not we feel that we have the freedom to speak in the same way the biblical authors spoke. And if we believe we do have that freedom, then just how far is too far? Where is the line? So, faced with the paradox and the promise that some amount of pain is inevitably coming your direction- how will you respond? Will you swing toward the direction of refusing to verbalize your deepest questions and uncertainties or will you lament like the Psalmist or like the prophet Jeremiah? And beyond that, do you think lament should be used more commonly in corporate worship contexts?
As far as I am concerned these are very difficult questions without any simple answers, but this doesn’t keep me from asking you where you stand in the midst of all of this and what insight you may have.
Praise the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph; the God of David, Solomon, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, Peter, and Paul. Praise the God who carries His people through a dark and broken world and grants us bright hope for an everlasting tomorrow. The God who will one day light the beacons of heaven, sound the trumpets, and until that great day scatters glimpses of triumph for us through all the tragedy.
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Melissa,
You have written such a thought provoking post. Thank you for your transparency and insight. I have come to understand that my heart is layed wide open to God. He knows if I am needing to be blunt and cry out my fears and doubts to Him. The times when I have been totally honest with my feelings to Him have been the times of my greatest renewal and spiritual breakthrough. Our issues keep us humble before Him. I know He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him. He is always ready and willing to restore us when we need restoration. I think He wants us to be honest and tell Him what He already knows anyway, so He can bless us with an answer. Beauty for ashes.
“…a drop in the ocean compared to the grief in the heart of God himself at the totality of suffering that only God can comprehendâ€
That is profound.
Your post brought to mind the first time I read the Psalms and truly realized the tone and weight of the words being used. I was faced at that time with a painful situation and the freedom and awe and permission I felt God gave to me to put voice to some of those groanings rocked my world- very unlike my conservative Baptist upbringing. In response to your questions, I concur there are no easy answers. As I ponder scenarios, I think there might be a balance achieved by the leading of the Spirit. I don’t say that flippantly or tritely. And now I’m going to chew on it some more. Thank you for your example and encouragement and challenge to think.
Check out Job- I was thinking about it, and his life is a big example of this paradox. The chapter I find especially interesting is chapter 13, where Job is defending himself and God before his friends. He goes back and forth from defending God to defending himself and begging God for a chance to plead his case before Him. In the middle of the chapter he states amazing faith in God’s character saying “Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him”,trusting that he (Job) will get a chance to defend himself before God. The interesting part throughout Job is the fact that it says over and over that Job did not sin with his mouth before God. He laments with all his soul, and verbally claims his innocence in front of his friends, yet he never once says something that is untrue of God’s character, and in the midst of his confusion he still defends and hopes in Who God is. Perhaps that’s the part of the key. No matter what happened that seemed to contradict his idea of what God would do, and what is just, he still clung to the knowledge “I know my Redeemer lives,” and that He is just and true and holy. When God spoke to him afterward, it was to show him that he can’t always understand God’s ways, but he can know that God is in control and He is worthy of praise and trust. He also blessed Job for his faith. Several women have already said something to this effect in their comments, expressing that while they lament, they still know that He is Who He says He is. I don’t know, I still have to think about it more, but maybe this is part of the key to the paradox. I pray that when I come to a time of lamenting I will be able to stay strong in the knowledge of Who He is, even in my grief and confusion, and even as I voice it to Him.
Melissa,
I really enjoyed reading this all the way through:)
I had often noticed David’s “lament” in the Psalms, and how much He would try to remind himself of who God was..it was really cool to see him go on his own ” faith journey” so many times, and that was so encouraging to read:)
Personally, I have had about a year of trying to get it ” back together” and it took awhile, after some ” distraction” in my life, but that ” colorblind” faith is no longer apart of me…sometimes its a process of going through a LONG wilderness, because shows us what He needs to.
I am doing the Believing God study with my friend from work. We meet at my church, and its just the two of us, but its awesome:)
Very articulately written Melissa:)
-Angie (LSOF)
So the real question is, When is Melissa going to write a Bible study? 😉
I think the balance is not in corporate Lament, but in getting real with God, allowing Him to heal us and then using it as a testamony AFTER that time shared with our Lord. You speak (and do so wisely) of the CHristian Circles, if we share with all of them our “laments” somehow “blow our testimony” that in our belief system “all should be well with us 24/7” HOwever i also believe that GOd wants a deep intimate relatiionship with each of us, and how can you truly be real with someone you wish to be intimate with if you dont share ALL of you including when you are upset or in deep despair?
In my deepest darkest periods my God knew of them even BEFORE i poured out my soul to him he wanted it,He needed me to be honest with HIm so he could heal me, as i poured out my soul to HIM (and only HIm) and allowed Him to speak to me and heal me all the while doing what He has called me to do, Be the face of Christ, and then and only when promted by the Holy spirit, when ministering to someone who may be suffering I share that “realness” that occured between me and my God, One Christian Friend was appalled i would speak such a way to THE FATHER, when i gently pointed out, God knows the hearts of man so what i was saying to Him was not a surprise, as it was at His promting that He asked me to GET real with Him, and it was the sweetest moment i had with My Lord ever. He needed to have me Lament or purge all my angst to Him (about HIm and Trusting vs Non Trusting Him) so he could heal me in that area to move to the next level of Faith. Did i tell others in my “chirstian circle” at the time noooo… but i used it w/ other sisters during their time of sharing burdens not knowing what GOd was doing in their lives. We have got to start getting real with our LOVING Father and not hide behind rules and “politness” for fear we too become the Pharases that annoyed our Jesus so much.. He knew their hearst just as He knows ours.
Thanks for the comment, Melissa! Yeah, I feel like I “know” most Moodies, even if we never met at Moody. I think my closest connection with you is that Pete Barber was my good friends at the same time that you guys did Europe together, and I know he so appreciated your friendship at that point.
Yes, my hubby and I are in Dallas while he finishes up a ThM at DTS… I’m hoping to get my MA in counseling after that. We’re in the waiting room for real life, and trying to intentionally invest and take advantage of our time here until our next steps.
Melissa,
Thanks for the insight. In my walk I have finally learned to bring my pain to the Lord. To question and tell him my innermost hurt. Fortunately, this has always brought me back around to praising and loving HIM even more.
Melissa, such weighty material on the blog!!! Who woulda thunk it?? I am no theologian and have had very little college level Bible teaching. However, I think that when we’re crying out to the Lord about our pain and suffering, when we’re running down that long list of disappointments in our life and how we feel like He has failed us; we must be very careful that we don’t talk ourselves into a pit of unbelief. Perhaps the answer would be for every heartbreak or disappointment we lay before Him, we need to give Him a praise for something marvelous that we know He has done in our own life or in the life of someone close to us. We serve a good God, and our Lord is sovereign. In the midst of all the turmoil in my life, I cannot even tell you or begin to describe how much that one word, sovereign, comforts me.
Tracie in Fairfield OH
I’m just wonderin’ if I dare make the leap from God as my earthly Father to application I can relate to as a parent…In my parenting, I never want my kids to get respectful obedience tangled up with unapproachable.
I wouldn’t begin to compare God to my fickle parenting, but I’m just wondering is all…wouldn’t the Lord love the chance to hear about my hurts and draw me in close through His Word, through the power of the Holy Spirit in my times of deep disappointment? You bet He would. I’m just wondering if what I’m grappling with is as simple as the word “mannersâ€â€¦remembering good manners when I approach the throne…
Why is it that we think in order to be Godly we must always be “up”. Thank you for this very insightful message. I have often wanted to cry out in lament to God and I always find it very difficult. I believe now I will find it much easier. Cudos to you, Melissa!! You are indeed very gifted.
Hmm. I am one who is apt to go the “God is Sovereign” route. Maybe out of reverence. Maybe out of self-preservation. But your words have caused me to think that perhaps I should wrestle and grapple with the possibility that maybe my pendulum has swung too far to one side.
I have never – ever – been a part of a worship service where songs of lament were sung. But the quick image I had of that while reading your post caused me to long for it – like there would be some great healing of souls in going through that valley and coming out the other side.
Hmmm. You’ve got me thinking. Thanks for such an in-depth look at this topic.
Blessings.
Shannon
Nederland, TX
Melissa:
This was a profound lesson.
You quoted:
“It is crucial as believers in Christ that the ‘the cry occurs within the context of the yet of enduring faith and ongoing praise, for in raising Christ from the dead, we have God’s word and deed that he will be victorious in the struggle'”
This is right where I’m at right now. I have an ongoing physical issue with my spine – I have cried out to God over it – asked why it is happening – yet at the same time totally trusting Him that He wouldn’t allow it unless it was for my ultimate good and for His glory. He’s promised HEALING to me over and over – asking me to trust Him alone – and I don’t mean through doctors. I’m out on a limb with God over this. There are some people willing to pray with me – and Believe God with me – and others look at me like you are nuts for thinking that I could actually trust JESUS to heal me! HE is the God of ABRAHAM, ISAAC and JACOB… and the list goes on. He is the LIVING GOD – the same yesterday, today and forever.
If HE wants to heal me HIS WAY – as HE has said to me – “then may it be done unto me as He has said…”
and all that being said – “Lord help my unbelief!”
I hear many people complain about things – saying: “When I get to heaven I’m gonna talk to God about…….. [with an attitude that they knew better]. Well, I’d like to suggest they read the book of Revelation 5 – or Isaiah 6 – and see what actually happens when a man is taken before the throne of God. REVERANCE?? AWESTRUCK?? UNDONE??
Questioning God at that point won’t be an option or even necessary.
Lamenting has its place as long as the focus remains on the GOOD GOD who allows it!
May all the PRAISE and GLORY be unto HIM. HE WILL BE VICTORIOUS in MY STRUGGLE!! All because of His sufficient GRACE!
Looking UPward and Choosing JOY,
Stephanie
[Time to FLY]
Proverbs 19:3
The foolishness of man ruins his way, And his heart rages against the LORD.
New American Standard Bible
This one has so spoken to my life
Melissa,
Thanks so much for this blog. It made me want to do my own “research” on this matter, and I thank God that He gave you the desire to study this and share with others. I would like to see more of these on subjects that you are studying because it allows us to learn along with you.
Good stuff.
Part of lamenting is coming to terms with our own brokenness.It is a cry for healing. The more aware and cognizant we are of that, the more empathy we are able to feel toward others. For me the process occurred after I had children and realizing how my brokenness impacted my ability to parent.
Job lamented, wrestled, and , finally, acknowledged.
I think often of God’s words to Cain in Gen 4 – to paraphrase – if you do well, it will go well with you, but sin is lurking at your door. Means different things to me at different times. In this context it means – lament, cry, wail. express your brokenness, your anger, your frustration. And at the end of the day – know. Be still, and know that he is God. (PS 46) kae
Thanks, Melissa, for being vulnerable and opening up about this journey you’re on.
Personally, I’ve thought about this topic, though have not studied it as intensely as you obviously have. I fear that my opinion won’t have specific Scriptures to back it up, though, I believe it is Biblical.
Basically, I believe God calls us to be authentic in our words with Him, and it seems that if we aren’t we’re missing out on a seriously important piece of our relationship with Him. HOWEVER, I agree that there is a line that should not be crossed.
As a daddy’s girl, I have a wonderful relationship with my father. I have to say that I believe him to be an amazing earthly example of what our Heavenly Father is to us. I truly feel comfortable going to my dad with any question I have – and have done so frequently. My dad wouldn’t have it any other way! Even still, there are certainly things I would say very carefully, words that would not be appropriate for the respect he commands, as head, leader, and father of our family (I still feel this way as a 26 year old mother!)
In the same way, I believe our Heavenly Father, our Abba, wants us to come with him whether happy or distressed, and wants us to feel that we can come to him with anything. If our earthly fathers deserve respect in the way we speak to them, how much more do we owe God our respect when we speak to Him! We can’t forget WHO He is, simply because of our adoption into His family.
It isn’t a well thought out analogy, but I think it’s appropriate – if you wouldn’t whine like that to your dad, why would you whine to God like that? OR, if you wouldn’t say things against your dad to someone else, why would you say things against God?
Only the beginnings of my thought process on this topic…
In thinking about the “line” we can cross, when I look at Jeremiah’s words, I think I see where the line is. We are free to question “Why” God would do something, even encouraged to. We are free to question “How” He’s doing something, we are free to question “What” He’s doing. It is when we question “Who” that we are in danger of crossing that line. Jeremiah questioned God’s character- a faithless spring. We cannot say, Who are You, God, to do such a thing? When I look at Psalm 77, the psalmist cries out and says, “has your loving-kindness failed?” He’s reaffirming that God’s character is full of lovingkindness, and can’t understand the situation in light of that truth. Lament should drive us to affirm God’s character, and believe WHO HE IS, even in our darkened understanding and situation, because He never changes. That’s where I believe Jeremiah needed to repent. Instead of affirming God’s character, that He is a faithFUL spring, so why does it seem like it is failing, he says, “Will YOU be to me a deceptive brook, a spring that fails?”
The question, Who are you, God, to do a thing like this? is a moot point. God is God, and perfectly within His right to do whatever He pleases. That is the whole point of the last chapters of Job, Who but God did these things? Who are YOU to question Him?
We can bank on God’s character. Trust in it. But He allows us the room to grapple with the tough things in life, when it doesn’t seem like our circumstances match up with what we know of His character.
Oh to love Him more…I am so thankful that my God corrects me when I step outside of faith and belief that He is in all things and can do all things. His gentle, but direct words to my heart are received now with such love and care for me; that drives me to reverence Him and to believe more today than I did yesterday no matter the heart-rending circumstances. I am so comfortable with the fact that He wants authenticity and He guides me in conveying that to Him. Although, it has been a journey. We don’t always learn the pure ways of God from past generation’s “religious ways”. But as I daily journey entering His presence those misconceptions of what I thought He wanted from me are replaced with His heart for me and mine for Him. He is all-consuming me!
Melissa,
Thanks for the deep post. Here are my thoughts:
1. I think God loves it when we grapple with deep issues like this. To take the time to think about these things means we care enough to put effort into seeking and knowing Him.
2. There are times for personal lament in prayer, even small group prayer, or even in a large group if a catastrophic event occurs. Lament and pain shouldn’t be prayed from the pulpit, but I think its okay to preach about it.
3. I think God wants us to be as open and honest in prayer as we can be, dumping our purse to Him. The important thing here is to do it with a humble heart, and spend just as much if not more time asking God what He wants to show or teach us in the situation. Whether it’s something we need to submit to Him, or learning patience, whatever – if we are open to hearing how He wants to use it in us, He will tell us.
4. Sometimes situations are so painful that all you can do is cry out. Like Jesus on the cross. When the reality of my childhood victimization came to light when I was 35, I was so hurt and angry. I cried to God, “Why didn’t you protect me?” I had to let that emotion out. Then I had to accept that God let it happen, He is still sovereign, and I had to decide to trust Him through it.
5. Sometimes we have to train ourselves to realize that some things are not worth getting upset about. That everything – everything that happens is under God’s control, and we trust Him (this means sometimes saying it until our emotions believe it).
6. As we grow in spiritual maturity, we will be able to handle more things without getting distressed.
7. The key, as you know, is to spend time with God. A good book to read is “Shaped By the Word” by M. Robert Mulholland, Jr. It talks about not reading the Bible to learn facts, but spending time in the Word and letting it work in you – Formational reading instead of Informational.
Sometimes I just ask God to “wow” me, to show me more of himself. I think your mom taught before about Moses saw God because he asked to, so why don’t we ask for more of Him.
Hope that helps someone.
Peace in Christ,
Michele
Liverpool, NY
How about this? I feel we must of course open our hearts completely to God to truly engage in the relationship that he wants for us. How far is too far? Why not ask Him? He is the only one who knows! Right? He taught us how to pray, “Our Father, in Heaven, hallowed be thy name….” So let’s go to our Hallowed Father and make our request….that we want to bear all while still acknowledging the greatness of who He is.
Thanks for sharing! Sometimes I think I’m going crazy and lacking in faith when I ask “How long, Oh Lord, how long?” I praise my God for the good and struggle with feeling like He is mad when bad things happen…..
another thought…being raised Catholic I learned and maintain a reverent, quiet prayer life along with the sorrowful repentance of “formal” confession. When attending an evangelical megachurch..I came to understand worship. If only our denominational divisions were not so strong we might merge the two…seeing the profound value in both…perhaps the dependency of one on the other. The only church where I’ve seen this exemplified in a powerful way is the Brooklyn Tabernacle. The Holy Spirit moves there in roof raising joy and the notes on the altar are laments to rival our dear David. I tell myself if I lived in NYC I’d be holier. Perhaps just shepherded in a more balanced fashion. God bless the Cymbalas.
Applause! Applause! Thank you for voicing what I could not say. My heart is heavy. He knows it and I need to lament. Thanks for reminding me how far I can respectfully go. My spirit knew this but you confirmed it. Thank you Melissa. Your God given wisdom is a mighty blessing for me.
Just read this in my homework:
“Those who attribute due praise to the omnipotence of God
thereby derive a double benefit. He to whom heaven and earth belong, and
whose nod all creatures must obey, is fully able to reward the homage
which they pay to him, and they can rest secure in the protection of Him
to whose control everything that could do them harm is subject, by whose
authority, Satan, with all his furies and engines, is curbed as with a bridle,
and on whose will everything adverse to our safety depends. In this way,
and in no other, can the immoderate and superstitious fears, excited by the
dangers to which we are exposed, be calmed or subdued.”
John Calvin
Institutes of the Christian Religion
Melissa–
Tough stuff.
I can only speak from my own experience so here goes. I grew up in a very functional Christian home where I had almost no challenges to my walk. God was good, because life was easy. I had solid Biblical teaching from both my church and my parents and so had solid footing.
I rebelled somewhat (at least in my behavior)in college, but always felt compelled to return, confess, and get on with my walk.
Enter marriage at an almost “on the shelf” age–31). Enter a very tough season. Two years in to marriage, I miscarried and had an ovarian tumor. Three years later, breast cancer and pregnancy at the same time.Two very lamentable times in my life.
I remember after my miscarriage (early on Easter morning BTW), my mom came to be with us and I had spent the morning on the deck crying, folding clothes, and reading my Bible. That’s where she found me and I remember her looking at me and saying, “You’re going to have to have it out with God, and then He will give you peace about this whole situation.”
And she was right. Because of my strong roots, I knew somehow in the middle of all the heartache, that God was good, all the time, even if I didn’t understand how that could be, I had to have faith in that situation. And I remember going to my room, sprawling face down on my bed and weeping to my Father in heaven, asking why, how and all those questions.
When I was done, I got up and felt like He and I had just had an amazingly intimate conversation. And I felt peace.
I don’t know how to explain it except maybe in relationship to a spouse. I’ve had times when my husband and I have had a time of conflict and then when it came to a head, we had a big fight. After the fight, when we had straightened out all the miscommunication and misunderstandings, there is a time of greater intimacy, because the hard things have been said and sorted out.
Because of my earlier experience with trial, my breast cancer experience was difficult, painful, and tested my faith, but I can’t explain it other than to say I almost physically felt God’s hand on my shoulder through the whole thing. He provided scripture to comfort and encourage me. My time doing radiation was perhaps some of the sweetest times of prayer and relationship that I have ever had.
I do agree, that our Christian culture tends to be out of balance. Because while God is Love, and my Abba, He is also Just, Jealous, and Lord. He cannot stop being One, just because He is the other. I am reminded of Isaiah “Woe I am a man of unclean lips”. We need to hold God in his proper position of authority, while remembering He wants relationshp and intimacy with us. I’m not sure if this is where you were going with all of this, but it struck a chord in my heart.
Thanks for the opportunity it gave me to reflect upon God’s faithfulness in my life during some very difficult times.
Melissa,
I wanted to comment on this yesterday but did not have enough brain cells left after midterm exams to form anything more than a grunt, know what I mean? I was in the boat of I can’t really tell God, the creator of the universe the one who could splatter me like a bug on a windshield how I really feel. Until 2005 the year from the pit of you know. It was my second semester of seminary life was good and boom my father dies at the end of January. I am good with that I sufficiently buried it and went on about life. Then at the end of August here comes sweet Katrina(bless her heart)and totally turns my world here in NOLA upside down. Had to move back in with my mother(which no adult child should ever have to do for a long extended period of time) I lost my community here on the seminary campus, it was not fun.
During that time I heard lots of stories of the storm being God’s judgement which would make sense if the storm had destoyed Bourbon Street instead of homes and a Baptist Seminary anyway I digress. Long story short I found myself on the back row of the worship center one Sunday all alone and I a tried to worship and put on my happy minster face, and instead I started to cry and wail I left the sanctuary found a quiet hole and for lack of a better term pitched a fit. I began to cry out to the one I had been so afraid of telling how I really felt for fear of not being reverent and at the end of it all what He really wanted to hear was that I was mad, sad, and completely confused.
It is like a child who is venting with there parent and all of a sudden they see the look that all parents have and they know oh snap I have gone to far. I think it is the same way with God, we can vent and tell him our feelings but there may come a point in the process where in our spirit we have that same oh snap moment and we know we have just crossed the line and maybe we need to back up. Bottom line he wants to know us and us to know him on such an intimate level and to do that we have to be willing to share the good and the bad.
Girlfriend I like your deep post, keep’em comin.
Carrie
Thanks Melissa,
Extremely well done AND powerful. A great question that needs addressing. My favorite songster of the day, Brian Doerksen, says the church doesn’t sing enough laments in our worship services, it might put a ‘negative’ bend on what is popular and and go against the ‘political’ correctness of the day. Check out his song on iTunes, “Psalm 13.” My husband and I were praying this morning about the condition of our world right now and felt the need to up the discipline of memorizing scripture. I’m sure as the day approaches, those laments will be powerful to quote as we deal with everyday reality.
Thank you so much Melissa for your eloquent writing. This post is something I will read again just to get make sure I got everything you wrote. I have gone through times of lamenting, and as one other sister who commented…..it was more “how long, O Lord?”. I have felt free to voice those things to God, mostly because He already knows what I’m thinking anyway, and speaking or writing it out loud helps me get through.
I do feel like we somehow need more room to express lament in our corporate worship. I do feel like most people are so uncomfortable with any open sadness in worship, or expression of unbelief with the intention of being honest with God and asking Him to help our unbelief.
During times of my own lament, worshipping God with tears pouring down my face, on my knees, with the Word was a big part of my healing. (which is still going on!!!) I would express my unbelief, and fear and doubt to Him, then lay it down and choose to worship Him because my mind knew He is God, and He is good, even if my heart and my emotions hurt.
Thank you for this honest insight. God is indeed good, and He has never yet failed me. My voice will ever be in praise before His throne.
Jessica
About 9 yrs ago my niece had to have brain surgery. She had some condition, can’t recall what it was called where her brain was literally outgrowing her skull. She had sleep problems and other things that led my sister-in-law to seeking to find out what was wrong, and this was the cause. My niece was 3yrs old and could not comprehend the seriousness of the situation. All she knew was she did not like what all the drs. and nurses were doing to her and it hurt! She had to have some painful proceedures done. The night before her surgery my brother came by my house and he was just in tears. He told me how he held onto her tight as she fought and cried and screamed, and how he cried too, knowing that he could not explain to her in a way she could understand at her age why he was letting the doctors do this to her. He said she just screams and I have to let this happen. He was saying to me how much he loves her, and he was not angry with her at all for all her anger and frustration and fighting. I cried with him that night as i told him he just gave the most wonderful word picture of our Father’s love for us. When we turn TO God in our pain, remain “on his lap” and do our screaming, crying and fighting….i believe with all my heart that He says…I know child…but one day you will understand. I believe that my tears touch his heart but yes…this “lamenting” must be done with my face turned upward and trusting in his love for me.
Dear Melissa,
My dad has cancer. My precious, Godly, 62 year-old father who has served His Savior as a Southern Baptist minister for over 40 years has a deadly brain cancer that has an extremely poor prognosis. The diagnosis came out of nowhere. My husband, kids, and I had come home for Christmas and instead spent the holidays in a hospital watching my dad recover from brain surgery and begin chemotherapy and radiation treatments.
I had to come back home a couple of weeks ago and at at that same time, Dad hit a major bump in the road and ended up being hospitalized. A few other life events that felt totally undeserved blindsided me after we got home. A prayer that I had praised God for answering was suddenly unanswered. What?! Blackjack, no trade back, God! No fair taking stuff back!
Up until a couple of weeks ago, I think I had piously patted myself on the back because I hadn’t been “mad” at God. All of my friends had given me permission. They’d said it was a “stage of the process” that I’d likely encounter. But not me. I didn’t ask, “Why?” I asked, “Why not?” I considered myself a realistic optimistic. Sure, the prognosis was bleak, but God would carry us through whatever. I told all my friends that I was too much of a chicken to go through this on my own. No way was I leaving God’s side. I’d ride on his shoulders through the unknown, trusting that He knew the way.
But somewhere along the way, I climbed down off His back, sat on the side of the road, and pouted. I felt very “picked on.” What did He expect from me? If I trusted Him, He couldn’t just change the rules right smack dab in the middle!
I knew it was okay for me to pour my heart out to God and be honest to Him. I knew He knew my heart anyway. But I was very uncomfortable overstepping my boundaries with Him. No matter what I think, or how I feel, He is God. He is sovereign. He deserves respect and reverence.
For a few days, I couldn’t even pray. I have a circle of friends whose fathers either have or have had cancer. It’s the most horrible blessed club I’ve ever known. And you don’t get to join; you’re chosen. But I texted and emailed those friends and, without going into any details said, “I need you to stand in the gap for me right now. I can’t talk to God and I need you to intercede for me now.” They did. I know not only because they told me that they did, but because I felt the difference that their prayers made. Honestly, I did.
At first, I turned on my praise music again. I had stopped listening when I hit this wall. I read a few of the Psalms that spoke to my heart. I used others’ words as my prayers until mine could come freely again.
I had the kitchen computer set to K-LOVE online and I was listening to it while I was on my hands and knees cleaning the breakfast junk from the kitchen floor. Selah’s version of “You Raise Me Up” came on the radio and the wall I had built around my heart to protect it crumbled into dust. There on the floor, I wept and cried out to Jesus. I apologized for doubting Him and for not following His lead. I told Him that I’d realized that I’m okay with Him being in control as long as He goes the way I think He should go, and that’s not trust. And I poured out to Him my hurt, my fear, my doubt, my anger, my feelings of injustice. And I asked Him to heal my feelings. If I can ask Him to heal my dad of a physical disease, surely I can ask Him to heal my heart.
This post cried out to the very spot I’m standing on this road right now. I, too, am concerned that our culture’s “intimate relationship” with God puts Him on our level as a peer or an equal. He is not my equal.
All analogies break down at some point, but it reminds me of what I tell my children. “You can say anything to me. I want you to always be honest with me about how you’re feeling. But you have to learn to say it respectfully because I’m your mother.”
It was not my intention to hijack the comments section. I needed to voice this, but maybe I should have just journaled it instead, but I did want to thank you so much for validating what God has been teaching me for the past few days. I’m sure this post spoke to so many people, but you’ll never be able to convince me that God didn’t have you post it for such a time as mine. 😉
Thanks,
Amy
WOW! What a thought provoking, insighful post. Awesome!
I’m not certain that there is a completely right, 100% correct way to lament that could be “taught” to any one person. However, I firmly believe that everything in the Word is there for a reason.
The portions that deal directly with lamenting are all so varied based on the individual’s personality, the circumstances the individual finds themselves in and so many other factors that they all have a different lesson to teach us. They teach us “how” to lament, “how not to” lament, what happens when we cross the line lamenting, etc…. the list goes on and on. But never do I see that they discourage lamenting, either in personal or corporate context. I’ve certainly not studied them all in depth but will do so in the future.
I can say this; God is very approachable. There has never been anything I’ve felt I couldn’t approach Him with. There have been times when I’ve need some correction on the approach itself but God has been patient and kind because, let me tell ya, if anyone had approached me the way that I’ve approached Him on occassion, I’d have smacked ’em and felt pretty dang good about doing it!!! :0)
The Lord has me doing a study in the book of Acts right now and I’m realizing how far the church has come from where it started and have been under GREAT conviction about the way I treat church and the way I see others treating church that I’m going to have to put “lamenting” on the list of things for future study.
Thank you again for the though provoking, insightful information.
Yours together in service for Christ,
Stephanie Barnes
Douglasville, GA
I know the times that I have been so upset with God for what was going on in my life, angry with Him, questioning Him and wondering “how long will this be?”, I most of the time was laying down face to the ground in tears…ultimately knowing that through all that emotion it was He alone that could help me.
Wow…
I want so badly to understand what you have written here, but its a little too profound, and over my head for me…
But I am SURE it is very meaningful!
Do you have a Reverence for God Revisited for Dummies” edition of this?
I really, really want to understand… maybe if I read it a few more times….
Dear One,
I tried to take in your words yesterday, but had so much (lamentable stuff) on my mind, as we were headed to file chapter 13 bankruptcy. I couldn’t even understand what I was reading! So I determined to come back fresh today.
You asked some good questions. I don’t stand in an endpoint place to answer–still journeying with God.
But here is my attempt, because I respect and love you enough to try to grasp your questions and respond well.
We have faced many trials and hardship this past year–big, hard ones. This is what I have done and what I do.
First, before I come to the LORD with my lament, I am silent (like I was yesterday in so many ways). I may read His Word. I may just be still and know. But I am silent.
Then I make sure my heart is aligned with God. I dare not come before Him without being soft-hearted and moldable before Him. This means that I have emptied myself of self. And I have said and meant, “not my will, but Thine be done.”
Then I fall face-down before God with a ready heart. I may lay there for many moments before speaking. I may even point at my hurting heart, and pray that He would read what is there…still not uttering a word.
Then I may begin to cry. And I cry out. I pour it all out: how I feel, what hurts, what my heart’s desire for the situation is and even how it is affecting our family, our children. I DO ask why. Sometimes, He answers. And that response from Him is what has CARRIED this child through some hard days. Just to know that there is purpose from His hand for us and for others. It changes my response in such a miraculous way!
I lament for a good while, until I have poured it all out. Then I begin to speak aloud what I know of His character and of His love and heart FOR me. I remind Him that even though I hurt, that as long as He is with me and for me, I will go to any length to rightly walk it out before Him.
I end by listening some more…and by reading His Word. I write the things I hear down.
For me they are generally one word or two. I have written such things for this particular bankrupt journey as “advocate,” “reorganization” and “declaring.” Each word to me had significance, as God revealed and is still revealing how and where to walk.
In the midst of hard days, I may still cry out in pain. But that time of lament had already laid a foundation of trust in God and holding up my hands for Him to grab them and show me how to walk well.
I love your heart of seeking and desiring to know Him more. May He give you everything you need, dear Melissa, for life and godliness. May you bear much fruit and be blessed. Then may you bless others and pour out every good thing God grants you.
Love you dearly!
Holly
IS IT POSSIBLE??? –
In the future or at some point to have a part of the blog for Melissa to discuss what she is grappling with and to have her wisdom and insight into those passages?
Maybe she could do it once a month if her schedule is tight (I love how I’m assuming Melissa is all for this idea)…or more often?
I would love to have Theology and Tea with Melissa…big huge hint.
Love and prayers,
Teri
I believe that we serve a God who loves us more than we can humanly understand and who has created our inmost being .. so that in any situation He longs to hear our hearts. Just as i , a mom, long to hear the hearts of my children as they struggle with “life” .. so my loving, heavenly father , longs to hear my heart. I know that when i turn my lament to Him — i give it up,i trade my yoke in and i take on His yoke, as it is light and gives more freedom than i can truly understand. I want to praise Him through the joy and cry to Him through the pain — but always remembering who He is and who i am not. Thank you for making me think — once again about who i serve and how i serve Him!!
Thanks, Melissa. This is a very timely message in light of my having to deal with the suicide of my cousin’s 20 year old son. I have been lamenting and trying to keep in perspective that God is good all the time and only He can provide comfort in this horrible situation. It was very encouraging to read your note.
God bless you for writing it.
Good points, Melissa, GOOD POINTS.
Thanks so much for sharing yours thought.
You’re absolutely right!
Lulú,
CHILE.
Melissa,
What a concept to wrap our minds around! I need to know for me personally that my God wants me true to him, to have an honest in depth relationship that involves my honesty as well as acceptance of his supremacy(sp). Thank you for the fresh outlook as well as your refreshing honesty. This blog has become a dear friend during this time of un-rest in the world. Blessings to you all at LPM for the light that you share via your blog page.
Cindy
Hey Melissa,
Thanks so much for these deep thoughts. God asks us to cast our burdens on him, all of them. It was easy about a year ago to not understand why people got upset at God, I never used to get those people that spent their entire life knowing God’s promises and yet still be complaining. Didn’t the Israelites in the wilderness teach us anything? He has given us eternal life! But then, I lost my third child last february and everything changed.
I don’t think I wanted to be angry, or complain, but in the moments of grief so painful and real, the first question for me wasn’t anger towards God, but rather, why are you doing this? I would be called a Calvinist ,and for me, the toughest part about believing in the sovereignty of God is knowing that God has allowed this to happen. So we wrestle with God. We ask him why, we lean on him, we “lament” because it hurts. This world hurts sometimes. We are to call him Abba and trust him, he wants us to come to him and cry out. But, there is a difference in laying your burden down and leaving it there, and wallowing in complaints. Refiners fire, it hurts, its painful, but in the end it gives us a clearer view of our Great God. It brings us closer to him. We can bless the God who gives and takes away when we understand who he really is.
Job cried out, and God replied with who He was and who Job wasn’t. It took lamenting to God in my case, to understand who God really is and who I am in him.
The pain is still there and it hurts, like Jeremiah said, he can still taste it in his mouth, he goes on through one of the most painful laments but ends this way, but (God’s) your mercies are new every morning, Great is your faithfulness!
Sorry so long, thanks for making me think!
Because I KNOW that my Father GOD KNOWS anyway and loves me more than I can imagine, I pour out my hurts one-on-One to HIM.
I am not at all comfortable with asking “why”, although I have asked Him that very question at times. But the “why?” brings thought that I am questioning Holy, Omniscient El Elyon…
Had to share a “lament” with you that was hilarious. At our women’s retreat this past weekend, one of the women testified to what God was doing in her life. She said how she came to the bible study I was leading (Esther) and how HORRIBLE it was. She said she came back the next week and it was EVEN WORSE – JUST HORRIBLE!! Then she talked about how Beth just went on about something and she never felt bad about it until then. Well as God would have it, He was doing a mighty, mighty work in their family and was about to show up GLORIOUSLY the following week.
But to hear her tell the part about the bible study, you would have thought between Beth’s teaching and my leading – someone had done something hideous to her.
So much for recruiting new women to the bible study. LOL!
Kim . . . who is
Grafted by Grace
Wohh, I had to read this twice girl to get my heart around it. Not sure I even fully understand but certainly can relate. While there seem to be things I refrain from lashing out at God with, there have been times when I did not. Conviction seemed to quickly come and repentance was inevitable. However, it always comes with sort of a “light bulb” moment. Kind of like when the Lord actually uses your own words to teach you:) As soon as you say something you know it was God allowing you to hear it more clearly? I find that when I am transparent even with the Lord He is able to heal and work with me more easily. Mainly in my own life because I am very OCD and my mind tends to rehearse things and failures and issues and hurts and the enemy can gain quite a stronghold with me there. So, I have learned the Lord’s way with me is for me to work through it verbally with Him. Once exposed to the light, the enemy loses ground with my issues that were revolving in darkness. While also I do have an amount of fear for the Lord (the beginning of wisdom) that does not allow me to say certain things. I am sure I have failed miserably on more than one occasion. But even then He seems to glimpse so deep into my heart that He knows it’s out of pain and not really directed AT him. That is why I love him so girl. He knows me better than I know myself, you know?
Wow! That’s a lot to chew on. I definitely lament, but not so much publicly. Only with a few close friends. But mostly just with God. Right now I’m struggling with how to communicate God’s love and what He is capable of to a dear friend from high school who knows my past all too well. Thank you for your honesty Melissa. It is always so refreshing.
Melissa,
You post was a little over my head. But I think I get the drift. I think some of the most real beautiful laments come a soul who knows without a doubt that God is the only comforter – a soul who trust God even through the feeling and words of the mouth want to shake a fist at Him or more importantly at the situation, event or tragedy – the only way to really get this is to experience it – you will never be able to get it by reading books – Go to websites that deal with children with DIPG or go spend time in a hospital with REAL sick people and you will see and witness real – authethic laments – and people to spend some time praying for!!!!!
Okay so what are these terrible boundaries then? Who has been so smart to teach this? Who is so rich to impress all that? What “deep†teachings do you fear? You mean like blowing the political minds of most reformed people by telling the truth about Calvin: he was the first champion of socialized medicine? No, there must be something more you fear. This is not about any of those inherited idols. I see it is deeper. But telling where it hurts is the first step… you are already leaving your-self behind. Celebrate that!
Karl Barth kept a picture of Mozart up in his office until the day he died. Not just because he liked the old long-haired drunk’s music that made woman exhaust themselves in the vapors like Elvis, no, the orthodox hero and theological raconteur of socialism always had one quote he shared with every student, what Mozart had claimed centuries before “Protestants keep their religion in their heads.†So what do a lush and a commie have to do with sufferings of good people today? Besides telling the truth about Protestants and especially their Anglo-American Imperial apotheosis is… let it go…
They were pointing to the irony of their own “great-ness and stigmata†simultaneously. That empowered them to say, no matter the way the world has marked you, no matter the extent of its insidious seduction, even if you have gone Lewinsky on the Little Horn and begged to mother the waste of the world, leading innocents astray by the thousands. Beloved, I beg of you do not believe Satan’s lies about all that… get out of your head; turn your heart and change your mind. No crime overcomes jubilee, no wound is beyond healing! Our Father who art in heaven has done things you cannot imagine in places you cannot yet see, so you will never have to. To answer Jeremiah’s secret, what is the point, why make the Word of God too redundant? Haven’t you been told form Genesis 1 that the Lord slain dragons just to bear creation? So what are these lines you feared crossing? What are these boundaries and idols? I’ll tell you; they are no-thing to the Lord.
Getting honest, shedding the vestments of self to cloth one’s being in humility, like changing from priest to sacrifice, is the start to leaving the lies behind, the lie of self it-self behind. Don’t blaspheme the Spirit. Saying I know the Truth must be this or that way always leads to saying ‘if I return to God He will not forgive me.’ Once you’ve begun don’t turn back. Saying I know my place already is like following the enemy’s assault upon the throne, for good or bad as both values come from hubris. Like arguing who will sit to the left and right of Lord Jesus. Strike out on the narrow path between pride and moral hazard, the only way to keep a firm footing there is in humility… stomp on the terror not the earth. Our heads are programmed by the age to be sure, as though things are always one way or another.
Have you considered the sand s as they shift? Or gazed within a star’s breast as it throbs? Is a mindset greater than these creations? Turn like the seasons and leave folly behind. What you have been told is no more permanent than the labels of shame and guilt that the world shackles you with. Lies, it is all lies. Repent with your whole heart and the shackles flee like shadows surfing the dawn. The trap is that the very ways you’ve been taught were the only answers are, in fact, most often the same forces that have consigned you to chains. Truth is Salvation already happened and while no one is struck holy, rest in full confidence of temporary sufferings. To be a partner in Christ’s pains writes out the affidavit of Heir-ship. The rich man and beautiful woman are cursed in their comforts; they are rewarded by the world and cannot bow to enter the Kingdom. They are who everyone wants to be but none have been Called or Advocated to be. Avoid much of this world just to boldly proceed on a little of the Kingdom, and before you know it you will be more than redeemed or rescued, you’ll see yourself reflected in the Lord’s eyes.
You’re on the path chica, rejoice!
1 Cor. 3:10-14
Dear Melissa-
I am new to your blog site and I have just finished the Esther study which was my first of your Mom’s that I have ever done, although I had heard about her for years. I came across this blog as I was trying to find how I could send a message to your Mother. Not only do I need to thank her but I also feel that the L-rd has asked me to try and get to her an interpretation to a dream she spoke about the other day on our video for Esther. It was a dream that Christy Knockles had.
Melissa, I kept asking G-d, (I leave the letter out as a symbol of reverence for His name you understand), if I should just call the ministry but when I started reading your post today and you had just read Leviticus and were making comments on “reverence” for Him that we may not “get” in this church age, I just had a feeling He was telling me to write to you here. Amen sister. First I will address this. I love the subject matter of your post. I lament most assuredly to Him as I see the examples in the O.T. that you have so eliquently pointed out!! How important though that we do it without crossing that boundary of respect to Him. And you know what? We gotta be reading the Word and pouring over books like Leviticus so as to know ALL who HE is so as to not disrespect HIM!!!
Now, Please let your mother know that I LOVED the Esther study. I love her and I thank her so much for sharing from real life experience what it feels like inside the heart of a woman to STEP UP, take COURAGE and walk through sheer terror to DO WHAT G-d wants us to do. I thank you Beth for sharing your real (bigtime) life and it’s terrors. Not every one and his brother has experienced this. For me it was invaluable knowing it was terrifying for you too. Adonai used my Esther study to take me hand in hand with Him, and prepare me to take courage and approach the King in My life. AS I WRITE, the sweet reversal of destiny is sprinkling down over me like flower petals in shocking awe. I have tears as my new life opens up before me. I will work for Him always. He is calling me up.
Now for the dream. I worship at a Messianic Jewish congregation. I am sure you have heard of us that you have been to Israel and you seem to be fascinated with the Hebrew roots to our faith as well. In fact there were a couple moments during my study that I wondered if your maiden name might be Cohen or something! Here is what I felt the L-rd wanted me to tell you although you might already know this. Before I enrolled in Esther, I had just been listening to my CD of WATERMARK for a week or so. It is from the year 2000 when I used to buy a lot of CD’s. I poured over the music relishing the beauty of it thinking, what an incredible beautiful, worshipful woman of G-d. How G-d inspired is this music!! So the other day in our tape, when you wanted to read that letter you got from Christy my heart did a flip as the 2 of you were my most recent impressed with, women of G-d. Who knew you were even friends! What good you both do for Him! Santa in the sky above all the people in the auditorium. I think He wishes you 2 would, if you don’t already, begin to learn to celebrate and teach keeping His real ordained holidays, (Lev:23) instead of accepting squeezing Him into pagan ones!! The Passover coming up we celebrate our deliverence from bondage by the Passover lamb, the risen Messiah, Jesus Christ, Yeshua Ha Maschiach, the last sacrifice. Etc. Etc. etc. Yes, and the kids in my church DID put on an Esther play for Purim. As people grafted in, as spiritual Israel. We do it. I will show you irrevocable!!!
Okay Melissa, this brought tears to my eyes. (You get that from your Mom.) “As the G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, our forefather David and our Savior Jesus Christ, let all glory and honor be unto our King. Amayn. Love You All!
Melissa, When you first mentioned “pious merchants of emotional denial†I said to myself, yes that is what I call “them” and my advice to “them”. But as I read on I suddenly understood that “I” am a pious merchants of emotional denial. I so don’t want to dishonor Him by complaining that I think I don’t even trust Him with an honest relationship of my loving Father and CRY when it hurts. I act tough and “it is for my own good” mean while I feel very alone in my human suffering.
The bad part is, I lay this burden on everyone else and count it toward their “immaturity” if they do lament. Forgive me Father…
I don’t think my loving Father wants that either. I don’t have scripture to back up what I about to say but I do think this should be in our private time with God.
This was most certainly a “ah ha” moment for me. And I am sure that everything I hear and read for a while will have something that helps me come to a better understanding. Cause that is just how God works. Don’t you just love it….
Thanks for the blessing today.
Much to ponder.
Thanks.