A few months ago I wrote a blog called “Keeping it Real and Reverence for God”. There I admitted that even though I resonate with my generation’s passion for spiritual authenticity, I find myself uncomfortable with some of the crass and colloquial statements that we sometimes use to express our feelings of anger or confusion toward God. It wasn’t just a coincidence that I had just finished reading Leviticus and gotten the feeling that perhaps many of us had forgotten the awe-inspiring nature of the God at whom we are hurling these comments. I made the following statement there that summarizes the tenor of my blog-post:
“The hard truth is that we are going to endure times that we feel God is absent or even that He is forsaking us in a certain situation but we should be careful how, when, and to whom we verbalize it. Perhaps, in smaller matters that mostly have to do with out distrust in God, we may need to repent of our unbelief. In matters of great disaster that leave our heads completely spinning in devastation, perhaps we should first confess our anger and grief in our personal prayer lives or maybe even with an individual and very trusted accountability partner. He obviously knows when we are angry with Him, so we should confess this to Him, plead with Him, and pour out our hearts to Him in truth, butmust we always publicly express our displeasure toward God?”
I tried to make a distinction between comments we make to God privately in prayer or whatnot and what we say to God or about God in a public forum (for example, a blog or a sermon, etc). And then I made a qualification that I hope you caught. I said, “Perhaps you have better answers and solutions than I do.” This was my attempt to warn you that I even though I felt fair enough warrant to say what I did, I also knew there was much more to the story.
And there is.
And I’ve been doing a lot of reading in that direction because I never want to get too stuck in my theological viewpoints that I miss out on allowing Scripture to knock down my tightly held interpretations. I think sometimes we search Scripture in order to look for support on viewpoints we already maintain, when we really should expect Scripture more often than not to confront and destroy those viewpoints- after all, we are human and we’ve been wrong before, right? So we can be wrong again. I have on occasion seen people maintain viewpoints that are so obviously contrary to what Scripture says in effort to defend a position that they have held for many years. To see this sort of behavior firsthand is astonishing. It is also one of my greatest personal fears. So I did more study because I felt there was more depth to this tension that we experience as Christians- this tension of fearing and showing reverence to God while at the same time maintaining confidence to approach Him and voice our despair and unbelief to Him.
In addition to looking through some of Jeremiah, the Psalms, Job, and Lamentations, I’ve read two things that have caught my attention lately: a book called “The God I Don’t Understand: Reflections on Tough Questions of Faith” by Christopher J.H. Wright and an article called “If God is Good and Sovereign, Why Lament?” by Nicholas Wolterstorff (published in Calvin Theological Journal 2001). Both of these publications have me thinking a whole lot about the literature that reflects a voice of protest and lament in the Bible itself.
So, What is Lament?
To use Wolterstorff’s explanation “The lament, at its heart, is giving voice to the suffering that accompanies deep loss, whatever that loss may be. Lament is not about suffering. Lament is not concerning suffering. Lament does not count the stages and try to identify the stage in which one finds oneself. Lament is the language of suffering, the voicing of suffering. Behind lament are tears over loss. Lament goes beyond the tears to voice the suffering. To voice suffering, one must name it- identify it. Sometimes that is difficult, even impossible. The memories are repressed so that the suffering is screened from view. Or one is aware of it, in a way, but in naming it, identifying it for what it is, would be too painful, too embarrassing. So one resists. Then, one cannot lament. One suffers without being able to lament. Lament is an achievement. Lament is more, though, than the voicing of suffering. The mere voicing of one’s suffering is complaint, not lament. Lament is a cry to God. This presupposes, of course, that lament is the action of a believer” (42-43).
Wright also made a comment that hit me in between the eyes. I hope you will read it all the way through:
“In the Bible, which we believe is God’s Word, such that we find in it is what God wished to be there, there is plenty of lament, protest, anger, and baffled questions. The point we should notice (possibly to our surprise) is that it is all hurled at God, not by his enemies but by those who loved and trusted him most. It seems, indeed, that it is precisely those who have the closest relationship with God who feel most at liberty to pour out their pain and protest to God- without fear or reproach. Lament is not only allowed in the Bible; it is modeled for us in abundance. God seems to want to give us many words with which to fill in our complaint forms as to write out thank-you notes. Perhaps this is because whatever amount of lament the world causes us to express is a drop in the ocean compared to the grief in the heart of God himself at the totality of suffering that only God can comprehend” (50-51).
And then he says something even more striking:
“It surely cannot be accidental that in the divinely inspired book of Psalms there are more psalms of lament and anguish that of joy and thanksgiving. These are words that God has actually given us. God has allowed them a prominent place in his authorized songbook. We need both forms of worship in abundance as we live in this wonderful, terrible world…I feel that the language of lament is seriously neglected in the church. Many Christians seem to feel that somehow it can’t be right to complain to God in the context of corporate worship when we should all feel happy. There is an implicit pressure to stifle our real feelings because we are urged by pious merchants of emotional denial, that we ought to have “faith” (as if the moaning psalmists didn’t). So we end up giving external voice to pretended emotions we do not really feel, while hiding the real emotions we are struggling with deep inside. Going to worship can become an exercise in pretence and concealment, neither of which can possibly be conducive for a real encounter with God. So, in reaction to some appalling disaster or tragedy, rather than cry out our true feelings to God, we prefer other ways of responding to it.
It’s all part of God’s curse on the earth.
It’s God’s judgment.
It’s meant for a warning.
It’s ultimately for our own good.
God is sovereign so that must make it all OK in the end” (52).
And then comes the real clincher. Wright says, “But our suffering friends in the Bible didn’t choose that way. They simply cry out in pain and protest against God- precisely because they know God. Their protest is born out of the jarring contrast between what they know and what they see” (53).
Wolterstorff gives two main parts to a lament: First, lament is a cry to God for deliverance: “Deliver me, O God, from this suffering” (see Psalm 22:19-21a as an example). Second, lament is a cry to God of “Why? “Why, O God is this happening?” (Psalm 22: 1-2 as an example) I don’t understand it…I cannot discern your hand in this darkness” (44). It is crucial as believers in Christ that the “the cry occurs within the context of the yet of enduring faith and ongoing praise, for in raising Christ from the dead, we have God’s word and deed that he will be victorious in the struggle” (52).
Now I’ve never uttered a lament in my life. I’ve complained, don’t get me wrong but I’ve never composed or verbally expressed something of my own in the form of a biblical lament. If I am to be honest, I must admit that my personality tends to want to err on the side of reverence for God and unwavering trust no matter the horror of the situation rather than choose the route of raw authenticity. I don’t say this to boast, for I am obviously numbered among those “pious merchants of emotional denial” who lay pressure on people to stifle their real feelings that Wright so eloquently rebukes. And I am openly grappling with Wright’s words. I think he may be right about me. Just like those who I think have stepped over a boundary and offended God in their attempt to be “authentic”, I think in my attempt to “reverence” God I may have been emotionally aloof and callous toward real human suffering. In this I have ignored my own Savior’s haunting words, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Over the past few weeks of studying lament and protest in the biblical text, I’ve felt a humanness that I don’t always feel. I haven’t felt as dismissive of suffering or brokenness. I feel a little more in touch with reality. So this is me being theologically vulnerable with you today. And it ain’t easy.
Now back to our previous issue- the paradox. The paradox is something like this- we have confidence to voice our despair and our confusion to God but at the same time we must remember to whom we speak. Now in this blog post I am trying to come clean that I may have swung too far on the pendulum, but there is of course the polar opposite extreme. There are a couple of passages that draw a line for us concerning our protests and laments to God that I think we must keep in mind. Psalm 73 is a passage that often gets my attention. The Psalmist Asaph compares the righteous and the wicked and he despairs that the wicked are carefree and prosperous. Why do the faithful exert so much energy when there is no advantage for them over the wicked? He then lets us in on something- he wouldn’t speak this out loud to others because he knows he would betray God’s children. He refrained from speaking disturbing words to the people of God because he knew they could cause serious and perhaps lasting damage. This is profound. In addition to Psalm 73, there is a fascinating passage in Jeremiah where Jeremiah says something absolutely SHOCKING:
“You understand, O LORD; remember me and care for me. Avenge me on my persecutors…When your came, I ate them; They were my joy and my heart’s delight, For I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty…Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? Will you be to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails?” (Jer. 15:15-17)
Okay, so Jeremiah has just asked God why his pain is unending even though he has lived faithfully and in painful isolation for God’s very name, and then he says to the Lord, “Will you be to me like a spring that fails?” This is bold, Jeremiah, very bold. This is Scripture, mind you, and I am getting uncomfortable. God then says:
“If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman” (Jer. 15:19).
Here God’s words to Jeremiah show that even though we have a voice with Him, there is a line that we can cross when we protest and lament. Jeremiah may need to watch his mouth at this point. The Lord has deemed Jeremiah’s words to be worthless, though of course He allows him the opportunity to repent. There are boundaries to our protests.
The point of this blog was to take you through a theological journey I am going through- one of dealing with the paradox of the Christian life. As Wolterstorff pointed out in his essay, there have been many in our theological tradition resistant to following the biblical writer’s example and fully partaking in lament (Augustine, Aquinas, and Calvin are just a few examples). And they had their reasons. Some of them are pretty good reasons. For example, Calvin would have voiced his suffering but would not have cried out “Why?” since he believed he knew the answer to that question: suffering is sent from the hand of God for our good. As Wolterstorff says, “We must choose, then, between the massive weights of our theological tradition, on the one hand, and following the psalmist and permitting ourselves to lament, on the other. Should we choose against the tradition, that choice must not be quick, or glib…We must know what we are doing when we make the choice; we must realize the consequences” (50). Wolterstorff who wrote in the wake of the early death of his own son chose to lament but he is careful to caution us to make our choice intelligently.
Be assured- these are theological questions and I know they’re tough. These are questions concerning how we apply and interpret biblical texts, whether or not we feel that we have the freedom to speak in the same way the biblical authors spoke. And if we believe we do have that freedom, then just how far is too far? Where is the line? So, faced with the paradox and the promise that some amount of pain is inevitably coming your direction- how will you respond? Will you swing toward the direction of refusing to verbalize your deepest questions and uncertainties or will you lament like the Psalmist or like the prophet Jeremiah? And beyond that, do you think lament should be used more commonly in corporate worship contexts?
As far as I am concerned these are very difficult questions without any simple answers, but this doesn’t keep me from asking you where you stand in the midst of all of this and what insight you may have.
Praise the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph; the God of David, Solomon, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, Peter, and Paul. Praise the God who carries His people through a dark and broken world and grants us bright hope for an everlasting tomorrow. The God who will one day light the beacons of heaven, sound the trumpets, and until that great day scatters glimpses of triumph for us through all the tragedy.
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I am wondering if the reason you have not lamented is the fact you haven’t experienced enough pain and/or suffering. If God really wants to teach you on the subject, well get ready. It seems nothing makes me lament more than excruciating physical pain of one form or another. One of the reasons I lament to God, however, is I know what a powerful God He is and can change any situation at any time. I do not lament from unbelief but belief in the knowledge that He can help me in my distress. Often I think the “why” question we ask of God is really us asking God what He wants to teach us in our suffering. There is always something to learn or some sort of character builder God is after. I for one must be able to go before the throne of grace (in my imagination) not only to lament before Him (on my face if necessary) but also to crawl up in His lap when I am done and lay my head on His chest so He can comfort me.
Melissa-
It is so awesome to see your thoughts and honest holy wrestling matches in print. I love reading Philip Yancy. The minute I started reading yours, his name popped in my mind. You have a dynamite gift of writing that causes readers to dig deeper, ask more questions, and think. I believe that is what this “faith thang” is all about. I look forward to more posts and one day seeing your name on a book! Thanks for sharing with us!
I had the chance to actually witness a lament as part of the Formational Prayer Seminar at Ashland Theological Seminary. Powerful. Caregivers were there for follow-up with the person who had offered to write and do their lament in front of the group. It was beautiful and healing in its own way as the person communicated their heart to God.
http://www.ashland.edu/seminary/ifc
Thanks for making us think beyond ourselves.
Kim
Melissa, I just love your mind! I’m at work right now and read through about 1/2 of your blog. Want to soak it in later. I wanted to make a request. You guys asked us what books we have read, but I would love for you especially to list your favorites. I’ve been into alot of topical/reference bible studies and have stayed away from authors for a while. I Love to think deep, what would you recommend?
This is not addressing your questions directly, but it was on my heart as I was reading your post.
My mentor and I were having lunch the other day. I was going on and on about how I didn’t want to make a mistake and get something wrong. Mostly with the raising of our kids, but also in relationship with my husband and my Lord. I am growing in intimacy and he is stretching my paradigm in regards to understanding His divine love and longing for His bride.
My mentor related to me that because she didn’t have the upbringing I have had, she has had to rely on the conviction of the Holy Spirit and God’s grace a lot more.
I have had the privilege of having seeds sown from a child, but where I go wrong is needing to get and understanding without listening to the Spirit for a conviction. Understanding is my comfort zone. Your mom’s studies have helped me incredibly in discerning conviction vs condemnation.
I would encourage you to search for answers and give the Spirit lots of opportunities to have things jump off the page. I would also encourage you to continue to press in to the LORD who will reveal His secrets to those who fear Him. Then you have done all the work, but He gets the signature. He loves that mark of grace because it takes the control out of our hands and puts His blessing in its place.
I hope this made sense, Melissa. I respect your passion for the Truth, and I relate to the sense I have of your jaw set as flint. I do believe that when God helps you find that sweet spot of His divine revelation and your intellect and discernment, He in you will be a force to be reckoned with! You are already a force to be reckoned with, but I think it will increase exponentially
Blessings,
Jina
Dear Melissa,
I thank God and thank you for your honesty and integrity in approaching His Word…all of it, both the easily grasped as well as the portions over which must needs be wrested to seek a right understanding.
I think you are correct–I think our generation forgets God as God far too frequently and carelessly. I also think that those who fear for those who forget God as God sometimes ignore very real and vital and necessary portions of His Word.
Actually, I liked your summation, perhaps, best. "Praise the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph; the God of David, Solomon, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, Peter, and Paul. Praise the God who carries His people through a dark and broken world and grants us bright hope for an everlasting tomorrow. The God who will one day light the beacons of heaven, sound the trumpets, and until that great day scatters glimpses of triumph for us through all the tragedy."
This is our God–the God of the people of the past and the God of today. The God of every future moment and as such, the God Who gives hope in the ugly and beautiful reality of the now.
The ugly is no less real for the future, but our God Who can take the worst event in the history of the world, the sin-infused death of His holy, perfect and righteous Son and turn it into the best event in the history of the world is the God Who gave me the examples of those who approached Him in Truth and in Hope…the same way I am to approach Him today.
Thank you, Friend, for being a woman of Truth.
~Deborah <3
Dear Melissa, Thank you so much for sharing this with us. There is so much to comment on and so many sisters have already done so admirably!
I feel almost too overwhelmed to be able to put into words what is going on inside. But suffice it to say that I am going through the book “Wounded Heart” which is for sexual abuse survivors; and I am realizing so much denial inside of me and so much emotion that is coming to the surface – well, I have been struggling what to even do with them.
What an encouraging post and comments for me today. Beth, thank you for reminding me that it IS healthy to come to the Lord to allow Him to turn my mourning into dancing!
Sorry this doesn’t address all the theology issues but it sure was what I needed today.
love
mk
Melissa,
Thank you for being willing to revisit this. It takes a humble and faithful heart – and a true love of Scripture over self.
As someone who has been told point-blank “you’re sinning if you’re suffering,” I have to admit I took parts of your first post hard. All of my life I’ve been taught or told to hide the hurt and anger because it isn’t appropriate or acceptable to express it – that I would dishonor God if I ever showed anything but unwavering joy and faith. So rather than turn *to* God in my hurt and anger, I turned from Him.
I’m learning though… that being joyful does not mean I have to be happy, and being faithful does not mean my soul never cries out in confusion over God’s plan. I can love and revere God with all that I am and still bang my fists against the wall as I ask Him when the suffering is going to end. I can say, and mean “I know that You love me and have Your best in mind for me” while at the same time saying, “but God, why, WHY can’t I feel it?”
I have also learned that people can’t see how God has lifted me up if I am not honest about how low I have been. Yes, there’s a line (shown very clearly, I think, in Job) but no one is better equipped to handle my hurts than my God.
:::plink, plink::: my 2 cents.
Blessings,
Bethany
Melissa,
I am a wrestler also-and a lamenter. I appreciate your exposition, and agree with you on all conflicting points. That’s the wonder, tension and beauty of a God who is beyond our understanding. If we are in the business of searching for understanding and wisdom-we will never be out of work.
Sincerely, Angela
Refreshing words for this deep thinker. My heart and mind would like to ‘thank you.’ 🙂
Totally awesome.
As a young woman who deals with a lot of doubt – I can tell you that I felt such freedom in finally opening up about my unbelief. For years I disguised it – allowing people to think that I was stronger in my faith than I actually was. Having people know about my struggles with faith has been so freeing. I feel more raw – a bit more vulnerable – but real. I feel so much more authentic and honest when I appropriately share where my heart is.
Thanks so much.
Blessings to you,
Kate 🙂
GIRL! I feel you on this one! I’m such a speak-before-I-think kind of girl and such a feeler that I spend much of my time repenting for rash words…Scripture about being held accountable for every word uttered can send a wave of cold fear through me.
So often I find myself thinking-I know God will work this for good and I really DO trust Him to do right by me, but this really hurts my feelings. And I want Him to know about it.
I can make myself sick worrying about the unholy heart inside me–which is when I HAVE to believe love covers over a multitude of sins. As a counselor once told me-God expects us to sin, He is concerned with our relationship. I just have to do what’s in front of me and trust the Holy Spirit to lead me to repentance when I need to.
I think communal lament should be much more a part of our worship as a way of acknowledging the brokenness of our world and crying out for redress. I’ve read some great writers on lament–Brueggemann, who I know you’ve probably read; but also Emilie Townes, who is an African-American womanist theologian, and Denise Ackermann, who is a white South African theologian. And no one has had more cause for lament in the last 100 years or so than African-Americans and South Africans, so they’re very worth reading.
Townes argues that lament is meant to be done in community. Lament forces the people to acknowledge the crisis in their midst and to face head-on that “something is fractured, if not broken…we are living in structures of evil and wickedness that make us ill.” The naming of those ills becomes extremely specific, giving rise to some of the most wrenching poetry in Scriptures, as in Psalm 22, in which the author writes that “I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me.†There is no idealization or stoic heartiness in these texts; rather there is a recognition of the brokenness of things as they are. This state requires the participation of every member of the community and therefore requires making every member aware of the injustices at hand; it is, therefore, the beginning of advocacy.
Naming the crisis then allows us to move to the next step: a demand for redress. In the psalms of lament, God is cast as the ultimate arbiter and enforcer of justice, and after excruciatingly detailing their suffering, the psalmists turn to God, demanding that He put things to right. This approach suggests a belief in God’s commitment to justice and to the plight of the vulnerable, and that He hears when we cry out to Him, and we have stories in Scripture that bear that out, most notably God’s statement to Moses that “I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows; and I am come down to deliver them†(Exodus 3:7-8). Brueggemann suggests that one of the purposes of lament is that it introduces an element other than mindless praise and doxology into the relationship between humans and God, and that God in fact desires this, as it helps people develop into mature covenant partners who can enter into serious communion and conversation. I think of Abraham bargaining with God for the city of Sodom (could he have kept going? Would God have spared the city for 5 righteous men? For one?); Jacob wrestling with God and demanding a blessing; Moses cajoling God out of destroying the unfaithful Israelites; and the Syro-Phoenician woman who argues with Jesus. God gives all these advocates an audience, suggesting that He does indeed take people seriously. In turn, we must reckon with the idea of a God who is, in Brueggemann’s words, a “dangerous, available God.”
The litany of remembrance is another element of lament. The prophet Joel reminds his audience to tell these things to their children and grandchildren, so we can retell the stories in which God has been faithful to us, both individually and corporately, and draw hope and sustenance and a renewed sense of calling and possibility from the old stories in which, through God’s agency, Christians acted in transformative ways.
I think it’s key to remember that when you read the psalms of lament, they usually end with an affirmation of God’s power; they come back around to praise.
So many thoughts are going through my mind as I ponder this post, Melissa. Hannah and her personal and public cries at the temple…the weeping prophet, Jeremiah…even Paul and his call for believers to be content no matter what state they are in. We do see through a glass darkly, but one day face-to-face…I love that verse (1 Cor. 13:12). Our faith allows us the luxury of waiting for our clarity.
But public lamentations? In worship services? Can the church allow this and maintain flesh-and-blood, face-saving empathy through personal valleys? I say yes. Plain and simple, when Lazarus was dead and Christ witnessed the tears and sorrow of Mary (John 11) he wept. Proof solid that He weeps over our sorrow even in His total sovereignty and all-knowing. Isn’t that love? To me, compassion is what sets believers apart from nonbelievers. We should be full of compassion as Christ is full of compassion. That tug on our heart to love the unlovely…it is Christ’s Spirit in us. He loves us through our lamentations and weeps right along with us, even knowing the outcome is God’s promise. John 11 is so rich in this.
But to shake our fist at God and lose our faith? To publicly cry that God is NOT Good? That is not what Christ did, nor SHOULD we. But God will allow us that freedom and woo us back into His Wings of Shelter.
My quick thoughts are just that, nothing more. May we all be willing to learn more on this subject as the Spirit of God reveals.
I appreciate this follow up post. Your original post caused me to deeply question my approach to God during a time of deep suffering.
We are called “children of God” and so we are to approach him as a child would approach a parent. I would never rebuke my child for sharing her sorrow or pain with me. I welcome it because of my deep love for her. And God responds to our pain because of his love for us!
To suggest we can “cross the line” with God suggests we can exceed His grace, which is not true (Romans 5:20). We must interpret Scripture in light of other Scripture.
Thanks for sharing these two books. Very good thoughts.
I was raised that it was a horrible sin to ever ask God “WHY???” It was your precious mom who taught me that God can take our honesty, questions, and pain.
I totally agree with you on expressing ourselves in a respectful manner. I believe we need to take our complaints straight to God and not talk bad about Him “behind His back” so to speak.
But this is the thing that really gets me – God wants us to be REAL with Him. I think that’s astounding. I was brought up to be a good little Christian girl and discovered many years later that God doesn’t demand my best behavior, He desires my heart, no matter its state. That just makes me love Him even more.
Thank you for sharing – I love hearing from you!
Cristina, thank you for your comment. While I do think it is possible to cross a line with God, and by that I mean that I think we can disrespect God to a point that we would need to repent, I would never have said this in a context of going so far as to never be able to obtain grace. Jeremiah is a great example of that because while his words were interpreted by God as worthless and in need of change, he was of course given opportunity to repent.
Shannon, I tried to make clear that lament must be done in the context of the “yet” of enduring faith and ongoing praise. I doubt that I was very clear about that, so I apologize to everyone if that is the case. By the way, is there a particular book of Brueggemann’s that you are referencing? I would love to get my hands on that. And I have never read Townes so I will have to look there as well.
The righteous live by faith. Even when we lament, there is to be a certain measure of faith we stand in. The faith that He hears us, or the faith that He cares, or the faith that He will move..the lament needs to involve faith to have balance.
And girl you are deep. That can be good and that can be bad. Knowledge puffs up, but I trust that the Lord who teaches you is able to make you stand. You will do it.
“I feel that the language of lament is seriously neglected in the church.”
So totally agree with this line. I believe the point of lamenting is very much missing in my life and churches. Shielded from being real. Yes, in my own personal life He has pointed his finger on my life. The light coming to the darkness in me. “Me!” I’m that bad!”. “How dare you!” (that is the truth) I should be saying, “How dare me!” I was talking to a friend in an event one night and she commented on my lack of the commitment I was committed to. I could relate that to God and my lack there. I could feel the anger of my lack of commitment to Him and the issues I have not settled. Comfort zone. One morning I cried to God about things in my life out of the hurt and anger and during this crying out there was music from the radio from KHCB and there was a sense from the music I was hearing on the radio a tenderness and understanding that I believe was from Him. Maybe it’s just being very real because He is God and we are not.
Personally, because of the economy we are in I think every church, every church, synagogue before starting anything, anything have the Pastor ask that we all as a congregation bow to our knees if we can, come to the front if you want or sit where you are and spend 5-10 min in crying out to God for His mercy and help in this time. At first it would be uncomfortable I am sure but if it was done each Sunday in seeking His face with the congregation involved, I think it might break up things hardened in many and bring brokenness and healing. I say this because I don’t have a full-time job and then I realize everything I have, the car, shoes, clothes, a place to stay, a little money, the internet to explore for work, to blog, to drive, the roads we drive on, the signs on the sides of the road, the bed I sleep in, the water that comes from the shower, the hair on my head, the eye that lets me see, the hands that let me type this post, the ability to blink, the ability to breath, to imagine, to think, to sing, to pray, to appreciate, to paint, to eat the food I eat. And…..the list is endless….all belongs to Him, we are just borrowing it.
Allison
Thank God for souls that face the tough questions. I have a one-year-old son who had open heart surgery a few months ago. He’s had many hospital stays in his little life, the most recent ending yesterday. He spent the weekend in miserable pain, sleeping only 6 hours in three days. I rocked him and held him while he had needles, IV’s, tests, catheters etc. There are limits to morphine. The screaming was endless. I cried out loud to God for deliverance from the pain for my son,I prayed, rebuked, fasted, paced and finally screamed at God for not helping. I repented quickly but only because I thought it might get HIM to move quicker on our behalf. By my third night of no sleep, I told my husband I had to leave and as I rode in the car for an hour screaming and crying, I felt the presence of God. It was enough. No “chin up” speech, no “three steps to joy” sermonette…just the presence of the Lord and an image of Michaelangelo’s Pieta…depicting Mary with Jesus laying across her lap. It was enough. My only insight…cry out to Jesus…cry out to Jesus….do not withold intimacy from the one who sees, hears and bears all. His presence was and is enough.
Melissa- thank you for your great post. It is truly a question to be pondered. I can only speak from my experience- I call it the “Heat of the Moment” syndrome. What if despite all your good intentions to remain outwardly reverent to God that a situation arises where you lash out at God in your anger and pain because deep down you know He could have prevented it? I know this has happened to me- and then I was filled with such guilt and sorrow about my anger toward God. But, in His great mercy, He miraculously directed me to Psalm 103- and never have I felt so loved by God- especially verses 9-14- where He “does not treat us as our sins deserve.” And “He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” In fact, these are some of my memory verses for March with the Siesta memory group. So- in all of our ponderings and preparations, sometimes our flesh screams our pain, and then, our God proves Himself merciful.
Becky
Charlotte NC
Melissa,
This is SO deep! Thank you for making me think deep!
What a blessing.
Marilyn
Melissa, I had several friends e-mail and leave comments on my blog today, telling me to come visit here. Oh my friend, how I needed this post today.
I am currently in the middle of such devestation, and I’m not seeing God’s hand. Early this morning I wrote a post entitled, “Forsaken”.
This morning I lay in bed before turning on my light to have my quiet time, begging the Lord to give me something to hold on to today. Please Lord…please…remind me of Your presence. I don’t see You…I don’t feel You…I don’t understand You and my faith is taking hit after hit. It’s easier to not believe, than believe in a God who appears to be withholding His love and care.
I was reading through in Deut.1. I identified so much with the Israelites as they said, “The LORD must hate us. That’s why he has brought us here…” (vs.27).
This journey hurts. I don’t understand. My heart is broken beyond belief…I’m so frightened that doubt and anger will plant seeds so deep and take root that my faith will fail. I want my life to be giving testimony to my God who provides.
I’m asking,”Where are you, Lord? You have promised never to leave us. Do not forsake me. If I can’t hold on to You and know You are there, I have nothing”.
I don’t understand. I’m so frightened I’m disappointing the Lord in my reaction.
Do years of following Him mean nothing now? My questions scare me…I don’t want the evil one to take hold…Lord, I so desperately need you. I want to be “good soil”.
Again…His words to me this morning come…”Joy…you are lacking nothing”. Is it there and I’m just not receiving it?
I have felt awful all day, for not holding fast to the “all things work together for good” and simply trusting in this family crisis I am enduring. I have felt horrid for questioning God and being ‘real’ with my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for helping my heart rest tonight.
Searching and seeking,
Joy
Melissa,
I think you made it plenty clear, I just got carried away in my answer–reading a lot about lament lately too!
Read Denise Ackermann too, she approaches lament from the perspective of the sinner (white South African) whereas Townes is writing from the perspective of the oppressed. It’s good to read them in conjunction.
Brueggemann’s article was in Journal of Old Testament Studies, Vol. 11 Num. 36, 1986. “The Costly Loss of Lament.”
Joy, I went and read your blog “Forsaken” and your words there as well as your comments here really touched my heart.
Kelly R, I can’t imagine having a one year old who has gone through open heart surgery, etc. Oh my heart. Thank you for your comment.
I could not help but think of J. Vernon McGee’s commentary the whole time I read your entry. I have all 5+ volumes…unbelievable stuff. So raw, so inspiring, so authentic….
Thanks for your words in a lesson today!
I knew that I needed to print this out when I skimmed it so that I could take time to discover the ‘meat’ of your words.
A few years ago when it seemed as if everything in my life as conspiring against me, I spent a lot of time in varying types of conversations with God. Some of my friends were shocked when I told them I sometimes just screamed at Him.
There more than a few times that I had to apologize for my fits of fury, but more than anything I had the sensation that He much preferred my honest fury and questioning than a ‘publican’s prattle’ that was fake. This was part of a long relationship that we had and was one where I was confident enough of His caring for me that I could even take my non-trusting self before Him. That was the point that He was able to teach me and lead me through the mess.
Those dark days of pain and lament are behind me now, but just as going through a crisis with a friend or loved one can bring a new richness to the relationship, so did those days bring a new depth to the relationship I have with God. I trust Him in new ways because He allowed me to be honest in my feelings before Him and never, ever stopped caring for me.
Shannon,
I am going to have to go and pick that article up at the Library tomorrow. I’ve never even heard of it. I thought maybe you were referencing the Prophetic Imagination but I still couldn’t really place it. Okay, so one more thing. I just had to tell you that I read your entire blog log the other day and I seriously laughed so hard I cried. Colin can attest to it. I was actually reading it out loud to him. Anyway, take care girl. Good luck with that giving up TV stuff. Now I know what you’re really lamenting about. LOL.
I started a business 3 years ago and I know that God led me to do it.
I got my husband involved it was a Coffeeshop and Bookstore and the Lord gave me Jer.29:11 . We set that shop up I wrote this Bible verse on the wall and several more and we had a small Christian section of books and we gave away Bibles. The first day open, the first hour open a lady came in asking for prayer and I stopped and prayed with her.
Of course we had very little money to start this venture but we did it and I just knew that we were going to prosper. The christian section of the store grew and we kept giving away the Bibles, except last summer we realized it wasn’t going to be enough money and more was going out than coming in and illness had struck both myself and my husband,
I was standing on the beach lamenting, God why did You give me this dream then not prosper us ? why did you let us loose all this money ? You promised me that You would prosper me. He answered,” but I did go study the verse better.”
I did and found out how wrong I was. We did prosper we gave away almost 3,000 Bibles in the 3 years we were open and we paid for almost 90% of them with our money from the store.
I did lament and I still do when I find myself now in very difficult money problems and I cry out and say enough and then He says maybe a little longer ,so I am hanging in and really trying not to lament so much but when it gets to the end of the money I say Why?
I don’t regret the 3 years we met some of the most wonderful Christians that I have ever known ,and for that God prospered us and I hope that we were able to spread His Word to souls who might never set foot in a church but has one of our Bibles .
Love in Christ,
Glenda
Melissa,
Thank you once again for challenging us!! What a perfect time to think about such a subject! Father, YOU are AMAZING and your timing is PERFECT!!!
One of the BIGGEST things I have learned over these past few years gleaning from your Mama is how to pray. I have for years read about how we need to be praying, etc. but never was given the tools to put it to good practice. When I did Living Beyond Yourself- it was revolutionary for me because I FINALLY understood how to pray. I think if we apply the thought process of pouring out; 1.) Establishing who God is, His authority, etc. 2.) Confess our wicked ways- then we can ask to have Him pour into us His fruit of the Spirit and then I think we are in a better posture to lament. You know what I mean? If we haven’t done the “ground work” so to speak of confession then it seems to me we aren’t in a place to even go before the throne and lament. It is a heart issue and if we’re confessed up then I think we would be able to lament with a clear and “fair” conscience before the Lord of Heaven and Earth.
I’ve had to do this (lament) a time or two and I have applied those very principles and have felt complete ease about going before the throne (yet it was ever before my mind WHO God was and that I needed to have complete reverance for Him). I am certainly not perfect at it and I probably missed some things but like I said, coupling that way of praying with the other stick of dynamite (scripture) it was wonderful!!! It was a very healing process of communing with my Savior and at the same time “sitting with my feelings”.
Thanks again for the encouragement to dig deeper and for the “jump start” into new things to discuss and discover with our Father.
Keep on keepin’ on!!
Love you ladies!!! :0)
Deb Wordhouse- Grand Rapids, MI
Melissa, can we have coffee? This is so deep for blog posts. Since we can’t have coffee, I will try to make my words few.
For years I struggled with being transparent, even with God. Needless to say I was bound by fear and self-condemnation.
It has been a long journey to freedom and transparency with God and others. Perhaps the story that follows is the beginning place on my journey to freedom. It began with a Lament.
I was 20 weeks pregnant and learned that my baby had died. Since that was one of my worst fears, I didn’t think I would be able to survive it sanely. About a week after I had delivered her, I stood outside on my back porch early in the morning. I had numbly survived a whole week! But this particular morning the pain and suffering found its voice. Did I dare question God? I did. I looked at the blue sky, and breathed in the sweet smell of spring flowers in bloom. I saw the fresh green leaves on the trees, and I said, “God, Your word says that You are real and that no man is without excuse because of the evidence found in creation. I see the trees, I smell the flowers. Your word also says that You will cause all things to work for my good and that You are a Good Shepherd. But I don’t believe that because my Good Shepherd would not have led me here, to this place! If You are my Good Shepherd, I need You to show me.”
Tearfully, I turned around and went inside. I hadn’t walked 15 feet when there was a knock on my door… and I was on the edge of a miracle. Standing at my door, at 7 in the morning, was an older lady I hardly knew. She said, ” I was driving down the road when the Holy Spirit told me to come to you. Did I hear Him right?”
Of course she did! We sat on the same porch where only seconds ago I had lamented for the first time.
The miracle? She had been up since 4:30am praying for me….she had been praying Psalm 23! And she then proceeded to tell me what a Good Shepherd my Lord is, verse by verse. She had NO idea what I had just cried out to the Lord.
The most precious thing to me is that He let me Lament, and He heard my heart’s cry, and He answered even before I dared utter the words. She must have been in my driveway before I even got the words out of my mouth!
Words cannot express what that did to my faith. No matter what I have been through since, I always KNOW that He is my Shepherd. My Sweet, Sweet Shepherd, who can be trusted!
“Lament is a cry to God”.
I read your entire blog…every word. And I am thinking that worship is sometimes about praising our God that He hears my cry.
Thank-you for sharing your study and insight on this.
Melana in Wyoming
What insight you shed on lamenting before God, I have certainly done more than my fair share of crossing the line with God, the second I do it, He convicts me, and I sorrowfully repent willingly. I know it is because I know without a shadow of a doubt the grace He will bestow upon me even in the midst of uttering words of no worth to Him. I don’t have that assurance from anyone but my Savior when I step over that boundary. Perhaps the stronger our walk with Him, the easier it is to completely disrobe our emotions in His presence even when they are agony and despair(ie: hell.) I do think our laments pale in comparison with His, and when we recognize this, our lamenting(especially when we have crossed the line) and repenting often turns to rejoicing in our sufferings because that is what Romans tells us will ultimately restore our hope.
Knoxville, TN
You know I often have “moments” with God about life, about my husband, about coworkers, about family. I guess I had rather get my frustrations out with God, who can actually do something about the situation than others who can’t. Many times He asks me to change, but other times I sense He changes others. No, not because I “lift” them up, but because I am sensitive to the situations.
All through scripture He highlights His different roles in our lives. He is holy, He is God, He is omniscient, but He is also Father. I think/feel we get caught up in one role and forget the other roles God has. We are to respect Him by being holy, but ask questions as we would our earthly father. I also have to believe that God desires us to “lament”, but productively, if that is possible. Tell him what’s on your mind and heart, BUT also thank him for allowing you to do so. We are supposed to thank him in the bad times as well as the good times. Why is it we feel so guilty for the bad times when we are promised we will have these bad times. We are promised we will grow in these bad times….who hasn’t grown as a result of a “good lament”?
Melissa, I sense that you are not the “touchy-feely” type. Well, I am not either….very far from it! I can so identify with this lesson. Scripture is hard to understand….one place says one thing and another place says something else. It is not until you truly dig in that you discover the true gift we have in scripture….everything fits together perfectly. This is one of the true gifts LPM offers as a ministry…biblical literacy based on the Bible, not doctrine or denomination theology.
Well done, thank you
Tami in LA, I wish we could have coffee as well. Thanks for sharing some of your story. I love to hear people recount instances when they know that they know that they know God has ordained them. And it sounds like that was one of those in your life. Blessings to you.
Thank you for your kind words, Melissa.
I cannot begin to keep up with you or Ms. Shannon :-)…but it is nothing but an act of grace and more than just that..a miracle that GOD birthed in me a passion to love HIS word…but to dig deeper and to understand how perfectly awesome HE is from beginning to end.
I don’t have the NT counterpart by Frank Thielman. Right now I’m reading Craig Keener and Gordon Fee. Keener is amazing with all of his documentations!
I’m one of those weird theological eggs….a reformed/charismatic along the lines of Matt Chandler, with just wanting to love GOD and to share HIS truth. Too many like myself got started in some pretty bad doctrines.
Women need your Mom and you…love, spirit and truth….all beckoning us to come to the table and sit with our King…
Thank you so much for what you bring to the ministry.
Love and blessings to you,
Teri
This comment will be anonymous. I would like to share about a hard time in my life.
Three years ago my husband went hunting for a week in a very remote part of Alaska which meant very little communication between us. Satellite phones don’t work well. The 2nd day he was gone I found many porn sites on our computer. I was absolutely devastated. The pain was very intense. And I had a week to feel it alone. It was a Sunday afternoon and I cried and prayed for hours. Then I put on sunglasses and went to Sunday evening service. I couldn’t even listen to the sermon but I was so glad I was there. To be in God’s house with God’s people and hearing God’s Word. The perfect place to lament. (My whole existence was a lament).
Well, God did some amazing things in me over that week. It is actually now one of my favorite weeks of my life. Isn’t that strange? Maybe because He was so there for me.
And we are still married. We had to get a new computer because I trashed that one. And my husband probably hasn’t looked at porn since.
So I’m not sure if this is lament but your post made me think of it. And I wanted to tell you about God’s greatness when we go to Him in our deepest pain.
Thanks Melissa.
A wonderful, thought-provoking post. Thank you!
Lament is the precursor to confession, I think. Lament begins with the truth as I see it…my view of the world and its injustices. It presents my view to God, literally and symbolically inviting his response. Lament that simply vents and then slams the door shut before the Lord can speak back is not helpful, but lament that cries out to God and waits can lead to confession, which is agreement with God. And agreement with God is a very good thing!
Confession without lamentation allows God’s touch only on the surface. Lamentation without confession opens up the deep places but refuses God access. But lamentation, followed by listening, followed by confession (agreeing with what God said) leads to attachment and love and praise and redemption.
Another thought: I’m convinced that we interact with God the way we interact with people. If we stuff our emotions and present a stoic face to people, we might also easily do the same to God and call it reverence. If we emote freely all over everyone, we might also use God as an emotional barf bag and call it lamentation. In reality, though, either of those might merely be self-indulgence to which we have attached the Biblical concepts of reverence or lament as a way to justify doing what we want to do and what comes naturally. Not a pretty picture, but one I find in myself all too often!
I’m glad you posted this. It is VERY relevant to me right now in my relationship with God. I have been struggling with the opposite extreme from you. I’m new at ‘walking with God’ on a daily basis, and the enemy really throws me for a loop with “feelings”. Boy, I can really ‘pour it out’ to God, because He’s taught me to do that, but I get in trouble with ‘remembering’ who He is and trusting Him to deal with what I poured out. I know that He is reading my heart, not my lips, so if my heart is saying it, I’d better confess that to Him and quickly treat that ‘feeling’ with Truth or else I could act on that…Ugh! Anyway, I ask God to help me move closer to your extreme, trusting He will be enough no matter how I feel. Love you!
Dear Melissa:
I raised two sons, now ages 28 and 23. When my oldest was at the age where he started spending the night with friends, I remember getting a phone call from another mom telling me how well behaved he was at their house. I remember being surprised and relieved at the same time, because this son was the one that gave me so many challenges.
Around this same period of time, I read an article that made a profound impression on me, and this article came to my mind when I read your post tonight. It said that children do the worst of their “acting out” at home. That’s because they feel safe at home – unconditionally loved. Even though they are kids, they carry tremendous pressures outside of the home – having to behave, etc. They can act out and say some atrocious things at home because they know that tomorrow, as parents we are still going to love them.
My best friend growing up was never allowed to speak freely with her parents. At the age of 17, she married a boy just to get out of the house. Within a year, she was divorced. Even as a young adult, I appreciated how my mother would let me “vent” – how I could talk to her about things. I had this open relationship with her until the day she died!
These were the things I thought about when reading your post. How we can come to God with anything. Even if we have to “act out” at times, He will still love us come tomorrow.
A good word – thank you Melissa!
Janan
Houston, TX
This was really powerful. Thank you. I’ve had a lot to ‘lament’ in the past several years and the Psalms have really helped me to see that it was OK to do so. Blessings to you.
Wow! I had to read this one about three times to actually get the whole thing. Because there was so much and because I was seeing how I had to practically work out what this looks like in my life this past fall. I have tended to be someone who doesn’t really express that kind of emotion to God, but my life got to the point where I could not do that anymore. The events boiled over into a form of lament, that I didn’t really know what it was at the time.
But, having gone through all of that recently, I must say that lament is soemthign we’re sorely missing in Christianity today. I honestly (now) believe that it is a vital part of being honest in our relationship with God.
Wow, this is really where the “rubber meets the road” as they say. I love that you bring up the questions and then invite us to wrestle them out with you, as we ask our Savior and our God to show us Himself as the Answer in each of our lives/hearts. And to hear the answers and experiences of other sisters.
For me, I think I have longed for a lament, but was not quite sure what that was, to be able to be TOTALLY honest and truthful without the fear of rejection or ridicule in the deepest places in my heart, even though knowing God loves me like no other. I will surely investigate and ponder this for a while……
Thanks Melissa.
karen :):)
Your discourse on “lament” surely fys in the face of the modern churches “Jesus keeps you happy and wealthy” self-serving Gospel. We suffer, we bleed, we groan in the Spirit and feel free to do it before a Holy, loving Father because we are bound in this robe of flesh. That’s our intimacy with Him. He is Holy and we are not that’s part of our revelation of reverence. Oh but the Savior gives us the power to rise again both now and then!
The Journey Continues ~
Melissa,
After dealing with a very difficult day, Your blessed & studious insight was a much needed read for me!!!
I actually dealt with the "tension of fearing and showing reverence to God while at the same time maintaining confidence to approach Him and voice our despair and unbelief to Him."
A darling 17 year old young woman was killed in an automobile accident this week. Her mother who is a dear friend attended my weekly bible study until she and her husband felt a calling to become missionaries. They lost a precious daughter and have so many gut wrenching questions and pain at this time!
And after receiving that news, my youngest sons roommate has been diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 20. This young Christian man continues to fight and blog his situation with such amazing force!
I am thankful to you Melissa for your words,biblical texts,books and love. You have NOT swung too far on the pendulum.
Life is REAL and Life goes quickly!!!
We all have "Boundaries to our protests" Yes, Lament is a cry to GOD! We all need to
BE REAL AND REVERENCE GOD!!!
Triumph is in our Midst~
With "Heaven Bound" blessings,
Kim Safina
http://www.kimsafinathejourneycontinues.blogspot.com
Wow !!! How thought provoking, Miss Melissa~
I guess I have generally been the “stuff the pain inside” kind of gal growing up … But, when I first heard your dear mother talk about our having permission to “pour out hearts out before God”, it REALLY hit me hard.
I think it was shortly thereafter that I started journaling directly to God, trying to pour out my heart before Him… And, I am So truly grateful to both your Mom for sharing Psalm 62:8-[Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.] with us during one Bible study or another, and for you reminding me of what the word “lamenting” really means to us as Christian women …
I have been going through some of the roughest times of my entire life over the past few years, but have really tried so hard to “keep hanging onto Jesus” through them… I have cried buckets of tears out before Him, which makes me almost wonder if the Crystal Sea that is written about in Rev. that is in Heaven has been made with OUR tears shed before our Lord ???
I’ve been doing a lot of wondering “why” God has allowed certain things to happen within my life recently, and have sometimes had a very difficult time sharing them with Him.
So, I think that I may be ready to start journaling to Him about these things, as I have been truly feeling “heart sick” lately, and you got it, I have not taken the time to pray to Him about these difficult things. Now I know that the Holy Spirit is guiding me to do this, and it hasn’t been just my imagination.
I know that I have been trying my very best to stay “key-chained to Jesus”, as your Mom used to say, but I guess He is trying to tell me that His comfort can only truly come to me now if I “get real with Him” about these painful situations; one being my dear Daddy’s passing through Heaven’s gates a year ago on March 24th. And, I know that it is due to the Leukemia that we didn’t learn about until he was in stage 4 of 4only 8 months before his passing. But, I don’t suppose that his being 77 years old helped a whole lot. However, I miss him so much sometimes, yet I have really been trying to allow my grieving process to see my Dad enjoying himself in Heaven, because I know that he is there, and Heaven is supposed to be so much more awesome than anything we have seen or done here on Earth…
And, as much as I wanted to stay in Houston almost 5 years ago now, I knew that the Lord was not simply “asking me” to move back to my home state of Wisconsin, He was “calling me to do so.” And, I am so very grateful that I listened and obeyed the Lord at that time, as I could have missed out on spending the last 4 years of my Dad’s life up here with him and my Mom … Praise the Lord !
In Christ’s Love,
Jennifer
Southern Wisconsin
….so much to say and think about. I figured God knows my every thought so I can’t necessarily fake it. If my heart attitude is shaking my fist at Him in “lament” he knows it so I try to let it all out in my private time only. He knows me inside and out so I will just be honest with Him. I always add a good dose of praise because HE alone is worthy, I love Him and He is always right and I really think He knows that my fist shaking, crying out to God aka “lamenting” is more for the frustration of sin in this world and the suffering it causes. Yet, alos, knowing all the while He is Sovereign and allows things to happen and could change things in an instant if He wanted.
We have some dear friends experiencing tremendous trial and we have been before the throne for the situation for months….it has changed me, transformed my prayer life,renewed my faith and deepened my love for our Savior and King….never have I seen or felt such tremendous love and never before have I dwelved into and “gotten” the psalms. It seems to me from the Scripts (couldn’t resist) that God desires our wrestling and thinking and conversing with Him. He didn’t smote Jer. because of His question yet in His sweet yet firm way chastised Him. I guess there is that balance. Anyhow, I think I am rambling now and getting too deep for my shallow end of the pool 🙂 Re: the Psalms there is a fantastic song out by Aaron Keyes, “Psalm 62” It is just lovely and worshipful and so Psalmish….check it out on youtube or itunes but if you want to hear it before you buy it on youtube. Thanks for the very thought provoking post!
AAAHHHHH!!!!! That is a sigh of relief…seriously how refreshing it is to think that my anger and frustration can be seen as worship…if expressed correctly! I always feel like I should stifle it away…but if we look at it as you have presented so well in your blog, then it most certainly can be worship…I am so in awe…THANK YOU for taking the time to study and research! God bless you girl!
If there is one scripture that is becoming sweeter to me with age, it is Mark 9:24… “Lord I believe, please help my unbelief.” I didn’t contribute to the favorite books post, because my favorite books list reads like a catalog of doubt “Disappointment with God” “Reaching for the Invisible God” “The Search for Significance”
But I have only ever found God bigger than all of my doubt and mindful that I am but dust. I am a WHY kind of person, and He knows it well. He made me that way! But no matter what I’m wrestling through with Him at the moment, I am reminded that I can never questions His love for me. The cross forever settled that. He didn’t leave me a list of steps to follow to reach Him, He can to me. Some days, I feel that’s all I have. But I have always found it more than enough.