OK, so yesterday Melissa and I didn’t get to take our traditional daily long-walk when she’s home that always includes all manner of theological banter until way late in the afternoon. Big mistake. Border Collie’s can’t wait to get their daily exercise until 5:00 PM. By that time their obsessive compulsive disorder has overrun their people-pleasing demeanors and they are like walking a forty-pound squirrel on a leash while it’s raining acorns. Star does just fine on a walk…unless there is one iota of external stimuli. Like a person walking by. Or a car passing. Or a bird tweeting. At which point, she begins her raw rendition of the canine spastic zigzag. I have never once said, “Heel!” to Star without prefacing it with, “Oh, no.”
Just about the time the theological pot thickened and Melissa and I were perhaps taking ourselves a tad too seriously, Star needed to…well…you know. Not number one. “Hold up,” I said to Melissa while I waited until Star made a deposit in at least four different spots including the sidewalk. So, I held tight to the leash while pulling the black plastic bag out of my back pocket with one hand. Yes, I am a rule keeper. Keith always has all sorts of ideas what to do with it besides bag it but I refuse to act like I’m listening to whose porch he wants to put it on and only on rarest occasion fail to stifle a grin. He’s awful.
“OK, Honey, go ahead.” So Melissa picked up the doctrinal treatment where she’d left off and we got back in step. Only it was admittedly a bit more awkward with the heavy black bag dangling in my right hand. And it was an eternity to the next trash bin. Then she saw it. Star, that is. A bald dude with kind of a paunchy stomach (I’m visual. I need you to picture it) who looked to be in his late thirties and like he may not have had a girlfriend since ’73, walking some variety of a bull dog. No, not just walking. Training. He’d take about four steps then halt the dog and give it a treat. For crying out loud, man! Get on with it!
Then they got about five feet from us. It was more than Star could take. Off she went. Me behind her. Legs flying. Not hers. Bag now swinging. Jostling. Smacking me on right shoulder. Left shoulder. Upper arm. Lower arm. Trying to hit Star with bag. Miss dog. Spill part of bag.
By the time we recovered, Melissa could no longer remember what she was talking about. All she knew was that “something stinks.”
I think it was me.
Wow! Puppies at heart still!! My 7yr old weim STILL pulls 🙂 I recommend short leashes, trust me, i have a burn on my leg from those retractable things (weim and choc. lab playing with random leg in the way doesn’t mix) we too have our daily walks, and if not look out house… this is with a large yard too 😉
Mine only seems to get the best of me now when we turn the corner for home, i can almost feel my shoulder loosing it 🙂 haha…
Thanks for the laugh, and reminding us of how wonderful these 4 legged blessings that touch our lives are super hysterical at times 🙂
We are in the looking mode for a new puppy-our faithful part border collie friend will be 15 soon. Part of me wants a new puppy-the isn’t looking forward to toddler antics. I hope I can keep a positive attutude.
On another note-I’ve been waiting for a posting where this is appropriate. The week before Christmas, my hair, by my standards, was out of control. I looked at it one morning and realized, really it looks very nice, just BIG. I thought Beth Moore would like my hair today, but I need it shorter- four days til my haircut. I told my friend that I had Beth Moore hair-she agreed and laughed. I told my hair dresser, it’s growing out really nicely, but it’s too big. Her co-worker, who goes to my church, said “Have you ever heard of Beth Moore?” I laughed. So, please don’t take this wrong- I love your hair. It’s just that I’m a bit of a meloncholic, introvert, who pays for her natural chestnut tresses from the midwest!
We all love you here.
Nancy
Columbus,IN
This is totally random and has nothing to do with your post, (although I love how you painted the perfect picture). I was right there with you! I simply cannot get it out of my mind how sweet you were on New Year’s Eve with the solo sisters. I wasn’t solo this year, but was in the past and to read how you kept responding to those women made my heart melt. Your compassion and love touched me more than you will ever know. I’ve told you a million times, but THANK YOU for your obedience.
Love you,
Angie xoxo
p.s. I hope you get another chance to have that talk with Melissa!
Hi Beth and Siestas!
Thanks for the laugh! That story ranks right up there with the one about the screaming man on the plane (from Get Out of that Pit). I almost die laughing every time I read that story! My husband has heard it every time we have flown on a plane! Anyway, what an interesting way to start the New Year- mine started off with me dropping a plate on my lip- don’t even ask! Thanks for the refreshment today!
Beth, thank you for the best laugh I will probably have all day…laughed until I cried!! Sorry it was at your expense 🙂
Do you think the way he was treating his dog could be the reason for not having a girlfriend since ’73? Just a thought 🙂
Our little group will start Esther on the 11th…CAN NOT WAIT!! Love you…..
Can I just say I have index card envy? The siesta with the pink ones? I have the colorful pens, and I have had to add stickers, but I really wish I was writing on cute pink cards!
Also, I have made a commitment to a year long study and so Esther has to wait. However, I did get the audio CD’s for Christmas, oh happy day, and have been enjoying them as a preview for the real deal in video form.
Can I just say I have not stopped giggling over the “pantie” comment in the first CD. That is some honesty girlfriend and my teenage daughters would tell you that there mom still has lots of room for improvement in the “line” dept.
I can so relate to your story Beth. I have two Corgis that act the same way as Star. There are times I wonder if I have entered some kind of sleigh pulling contest with my two dogs. I suppose I haven’t since I live in Florida. Yes, I have stunk too and it wasn’t from a hard workout of my own.
Terrie
Thanks for making me laugh right out loud at my computer desk.
Anita
Gardner,Kansas
Beth,
Your stories thrive at keepin’ it real, honey. So nice to know that someone who seemingly has it all together has those days…just like the rest of us.
Blessings!
Iva Waycross, GA
Bless your stinky heart!!!
Okay, this is HYSTERICAL!!!!!! Thanks for the humor Beth 🙂 🙂
I have a spastic yellow lab who does that run/dash thing! It can really give you an upper body workout! 😉
I have found that the doggie gentle lead is the best thing going. He is trained and lives to please but sometimes his little doggy brain gets overwhelmed with the stimuli and he can’t hold it in anymore!
God bless and thanks for the laugh! Way to go Star!!! 🙂
Love,
Esther
Oh, how I can relate! My year old golden loses his mind when we walk. We have a lot of wind in our neck of the Texas woods and he chases everything that blows. I honestly don’t know how I keep my arm in its socket.
We must have a lot of smokers in our neighborhood and we are trying to help him break the nicotene habit.
He has no self-esteem issues. He believes everyone he sees wants to pet him. He lunges at them in love, but they think he wants to eat them.
But I am happy to announce that he is a gentleman and only does number one on walks. :o)
Melissa Clark,
Welcome to Siestaville !! Hope you keep checking in with us 🙂
Beth,that was TOOO funny. God really does have a sense of humor !
I LOVE that you and Melissa have your theological talks 🙂
Alicia
Beth,
I read the story of your dog yesterday and ended up dreaming about your dog last night (except she was my dog).
I felt strongly pushed by the Lord to give you a word of encouragement. I’ve longed to tell you this face to face while sharing a pot of coffee but I’m thinking it may be on the other side of eternity before that happens. Nonetheless, I’ve longed to tell you that no other person (besides my husband) has had a greater spiritual impact on my life than you. It was in Minneapolis in 2000 at a Woman of Faith event that I heard you talk about how much we are loved by the Lord. I’d been a Christian since I was 17 and a pastor’s wife but it was at that moment that I really got it. I heard that Lord really speak over my heart and I finally understood how much I was loved by Him. And then it has been your love for Jesus that has set the example in my life of what it means to be in love with Him. You gave me a picture of what a relationship with Jesus could look like. I find myself falling more in love with Him everyday and I’m so grateful to you for being vulnerable enough to share your life and share your story. When you have shared about what your walk with Jesus has looked like, I thought “I want that. I want to know Jesus like that.”
I think Satan must want to tear you down and discourage you but I want to say with my whole heart “You changed me. You gave me Jesus in a way no once else did. Thank you!!!”
Oh, Beth – you had me laughing out loud and as I have read through the comments, I have laughed, cried, and done battle over the innocent ones whom Satan tries to devour. I am so thankful we can all share in the journey here together and draw strength both from each other and our prayers. Thank you for your obedience.
Julie in Alabama
What a riot! Have you seen the movie Marley & Me? They had a few scenes where Marley pulled her owners and a dog trainer around. Too funny! On second thought, you may not want to see it. We saw it on Christmas day and my husband had to pull his hat over his eyes so he could gain his composure and hide his tears. I, of course, didn't mind letting the world see and I bawled like a baby. We have an old yellow lab too so it was hard to watch.
About your incident…I always tie the bag shut with a knot when I carry it and hope that it's enough to keep it contained. It's such a humiliating thing carrying a bag of dog poo much less carrying a bog of dog poo on you. 🙂
Hi Beth,
Thanks for the laughter. I sure needed that.
Also I want to thank you for being real and sharing that you struggle with things. I am so thankful for God and His Word that can change our lives.
Blessed New Year to you and your family.
Ok. I’ve just watched the Wising Up video where you talked about being honest and how we say we are lol when really we are just amused…I”m telling you, right now I’m laughing out loud! In October our dog of 12 years died, and it was comforting to me what you had shared about Beany. We just got a new dog yesterday, so we are back in the dog life too. Thanks for the laugh! Love you!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
Beth, thank you for the laughter! I still laugh (sometimes out loud) about your blog concerning the church service you attended that was so good you would have thrown your shoe if someone would have thrown it back. In fact, since I read that, I’ve been using it myself to describe something good (as in “This chocolate cake is so good I’d throw my shoe if someone would throw it back.”)
P.S. I hope the Lord has applied His healing balm to your hurt feelings (you mentioned in previous blog). I’ve been praying for you.
Hugs,
Betty R. – Laurinburg, NC
If you haven’t seen the movie “Marley and Me”, take the girls and go see it together. You’ll love it! Happy New Year!
Jan in NC
Oh my. Dogs you gotta love ’em. They teach us humility in sooo many “fun” ways. 🙂
When you started talking about the other dog my first thought was oh no. lol I’ve got one of those goofy dogs too that ANY bit of stimulus and I’m going for a drag. We have to be careful not to use the word walk or ride in front of her. If she hears it she starts whining and circling by the door! 🙂 She loves a good drag, er I mean, walk around the block. lol
You have a good day Beth!
Melissa
I love your stories…hahaha
Oh my! That is hysterical! I can so picture it – what Kodak moment! I am curious about how the other dog reacted and his master? LOL Thanks for the smile!
love-n-hugs,
We are in the process of training our own little border collie (16 weeks) and boy can I relate to the whole walk experience. I know exactly how to pray for you as I venture out every day for our expercise and p**p break. Blessings!
HA!!!!!!!!
Awwll.. that is so funny!
I have a PLEASANTLY PLUMP CHIHUAHUA that I JUST sent off to be with a friend for the next four months (as I have an internship at CMT in Nashville starting the 12th)
It was so great to hear your puppy stories…. as I MISS MINE SO MUCH!! It was soooo hard to let her go. I sent a prayer request out to all my friends for her. I’m so scared she will think I’m abandoning her or forget me. Afterall…she’s my FIRST BORN!!! LOL
But then God places people like you in my path to delight me! (Even if ya do stink… *wink*wink*)
Blessings Ma’am!!!
Putting off the inevitable housecleaning and thoroughly enjoying not only your post, but these comments! First off, I’m typing my verses (experimenting with the right font/color combo) and using the ring linky thing! But more amazing than that is the way God is using the verses ALREADY to renew my heart/mind. I’m doing some key word studying too, which has been rich! Thanks for issuing the challenge! Our women’s group will probably start Esther by the end of the month or beginning of February and we’re very excited! Also, know that my prayers are with Kathy’s precious granddaughter.
Last night my husband went and saw Marley and Me–armed with my kleenexes in hand. It motivated me to come home and hug, and then blog about my dog!
Then, I come to your site and read your dog post.
What gifts from God!!
Hey Beth,
TOO FUNNY! Thank you so much for being real and willing to share your life with others!
Trusting Him Completely,
Nancy in SC
I think your dog and my dog are probably relatives…..
Just this morning he went spazoid over the neighbor’s adorable little puppy. Nearly pulled my arm out of its socket (and the same bag of you-know-what went flying).
My question is, once you’ve picked up the you-know-what from it’s original “deposit”, and SAID you-know-what gets plopped around due to over-excited flailings, are you obligated to pick it up again?
Or does the original “pick up” cover all subsequent “droppings”?
Oh brother….I’m blogging about poop.
That was stinking hilarious! Bahwah! ha ha ha (pun intended~ tee hee)
You are too funny. Thank you. I needed a laugh this morning.
OH, MY!!!! So glad you are REAL… 🙂 And really glad I have a CAT! LOL
Blessings on you in the New Year!
That’s hilarious.
I have two dogs, an old, blind, diabetic, cocker spaniel named Bailey, and a jack russell terrier mix who belongs to my daughter who has moved back home. Sadie is awful. Just awful. You name it, if its awful, she’s done it, but then today, she did the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen her do. Bailey was out in the yard and I was trying to call him back in, but being blind and old, he was confused, so Sadie went and got him and led him back into the house. Amazing! Normally she just beats Bailey up!
I don’t care what anybody says, I think all dogs go to heaven. Even the awful ones.
That’s not sound theology, is it?
Oh, my gosh that is HILARIOUS! Thanks for the smile this afternoon!
You, Sweet One, are a HOOT and a half! 🙂 🙂 🙂
I already knew you were a normal gal just like the rest of us, but now I’m certain!!!!
You have tickled the insides of my soul with this story!
Rebecca
Beth,
I’m sorry I didn’t read the post first where you said your feelings had been really hurt! I was skimming through and missed something crucial. YES, it is crucial to women when their feelings are hurt (and alot of men as well).
Sweet Precious Siesta, I am praying for you right now about this even though I don’t have a clue what was said or who said it.
(In my flesh nature I would backslap them for you, but my new nature would not allow it)
Just a week ago someone I hardly know in my little town of only 3240 people give or take a few, said something awfully meanspirited.
She told me someone from “my church” said or “may” have said that I sure had gained alot of weight lately…I looked like I weighed at least 100 pounds more than I used to. They were sure it was not true..just some gossip.
I would love to tell you I rose above it and prayed and read and spoke scripture. However, I did not.
I had me an old fashion “snot slinging, ugly cry”. But, then I prayed and I’m still praying because there is some truth to the gaining of weight and I haven’t been taking care of myself (that’s why I chose ROMANS 12:1 to commit to memory.)
Also, we can encourage, speak the truth in love, etc., but sometimes we have to make sure we are coming from a spirit of true agape love before we go speaking out something.
Alot of time it is truth, but we are more than happy to speak it out of a sense of meaness or a need to be right. Right truth…WRONG heart.
Well, this is too long already so if you don’t post it to the blog I understand.
BUT, I wanted you to know that I pray over your hurt feelings that GOD, HIMSELF will soothe them and you will find everything in HIM…and that the person who hurt you…GOD would convict their heart and show them the error of their ways
Blessings and love for all you are and have been in my loving walk with HIM,
Teri S.
Dear Beth – this has nothing to do with this particular post and for that I am sorry, but I just had to send you a message from my sweet Bobby. This morning I was watching the intro to Esther. About half way through my husband got up and was sitting there watching with me. After it was over, I lovingly looked at him and said “Baby, it’s TOUGH being a woman!”. He wanted me to let you know “it’s tough living with one too!”. ha!
I’m so excited about Esther! Other than Believing God, I don’t think I’ve ever thought a bible study was written JUST for me!
Love you. Rebecca
What a good belly laugh that was for me!! I have to admit that reading your blog is one of my favorite things to do. I LOVE YOU!! How can you be so cute, funny and anointed too??!!! You must be God’s favorite. Oh, I forgot, I’m His favorite!! Isn’t it nice that He’s God and we can all be His favorite?!!
oh my goodness! I am laughing out loud!
Oh how funny! Happy New Year Beth! Please pray for me as I begin leading the Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed study this week. I’m excitied!
How hilarious it that?!!! I laughed so hard. After watching you through so many Bible Study videos and conferences, I can get the whole picture in my mind of you describing it. Oh, I laughed my head off!
#1 reason I don’t have a precious little dog… the dreaded, somewhat discreet, baggie.
Thank you for letting us see you be real.
By the way. Over Christmas I told my sister-in-law that you are coming to Portland, Or. in April.(Where she lives) Right on her due date of their 3rd son. Without batting a eye she said well, we’re going! So if you see two crazy ladies running out of the conference yelling, “Call a cab!”, don’t worry, it’s just us getting to have another wonderful miracle come forth. Hallelujah for babies! Can’t wait to get a WORD!
Sarah in Idaho
I needed that laugh today!! Sorry about the little black bag and the smell but feel better because it gave me a smile! 🙂
HYSTERICAL!!!!
Thanks for the laughs…I almost wet my pants I laughed so hard!
Love and Kisses,
Donna (the mom of twin boys!)
At least the contents of the bag did not spill on the man or his dog.
My memory verse is good for a situation like the one you endured:
Ps 29:11 NKJ The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace.
Beth,
So funny!!! I am a very visual person– I can just see you flying through the air!!!
I am sure Keith did not want to snuggle up close, did he?? Of course, when he comes home after hunting and smelling like the great outdoors he exects it,huh?
I know I can say that I am married to a man like that!
Your story is one for the Marmaduke
comic!
I am so glad I joined in on the Siestahood! I have needed this for some time! I'm battle weary!
I have had a knee-bending, heartbreaking 3 years! I am need of a JESUS year! Our daughter left home and has walked away from God(yes, I know He has not walked away from her, PTL!),but we haven't talked to her in almost a year–we don't even know where she is. During that time my husband was diagnosed with lymphoma and an antibody was attacking his RBCs. Every 30 days he was going in for blood transfusions until mid 2007, then the Lord started moving His
hand. My husband has not needed another transfusion and the antibody is gone!! The Lord is allowing his body to grow his own blood!
I feel like King David's men coming back home from fighting in Ziklag only to discover their wives were kidnapped, but they could not go on! I need me some JESUS Year!
Love & Blessings, Beth!
Miriam 🙂
Girlfriend, you have me cracking up here!!!! I have two beagle puppies and they are something else. Being totally stuck with over 60+ inches of snow has made things interesting. We used the snowblower to create a large puppy piddle path for them in the back yard. Of course, it’s not just for piddlin’ and when we have to take the snowblower around because of more snow, welllllll….things go flying!!!!!!! The snow is not a perfect white layer anymore. 🙂 thanks for the laugh this afternoon!
SO FUNNY! I LOVE that you are visual. Sometimes only “girls” understand that you need to understand the entire picture.
There is a lady in my neighborhood who walks her dog — I have encountered them twice while running and have been scared to death. I start praying for God to protect me. I think the dog is a Mastif. He looks like he would be over 6 feet tall on his back legs and his head looks as big as a lion (minus the mane). His sweet owner looks like she weighs all of 88 pounds — and that’s counting her really long, really curly and thick hair! If he decided to come after me ~ I’d be dog food — literally! 🙂
Starting Esther this week!! Can’t wait!
Love,
Leigh Ann in Macon, Ga.
Hi Mama Beth-
You are too funny. I absolutely love how you communicate in vivid Technicolor. As a result I can literally visualize what you are saying.
Last year I lost my 2 beloved cocker spaniels of 18yrs around the time that you did. I plan to adopt another dog soon. After reading this post and laughing hysterically, I realize how much I miss having a 4-legged family member around. So, I guess it's off the local pound to rescue 1 maybe 2 dogs.
Thanks for making us laugh, challenging us to go deeper still and fall madly in love with Jesus afresh.
With Love & Respect.
Maddy