OK, so yesterday Melissa and I didn’t get to take our traditional daily long-walk when she’s home that always includes all manner of theological banter until way late in the afternoon. Big mistake. Border Collie’s can’t wait to get their daily exercise until 5:00 PM. By that time their obsessive compulsive disorder has overrun their people-pleasing demeanors and they are like walking a forty-pound squirrel on a leash while it’s raining acorns. Star does just fine on a walk…unless there is one iota of external stimuli. Like a person walking by. Or a car passing. Or a bird tweeting. At which point, she begins her raw rendition of the canine spastic zigzag. I have never once said, “Heel!” to Star without prefacing it with, “Oh, no.”
Just about the time the theological pot thickened and Melissa and I were perhaps taking ourselves a tad too seriously, Star needed to…well…you know. Not number one. “Hold up,” I said to Melissa while I waited until Star made a deposit in at least four different spots including the sidewalk. So, I held tight to the leash while pulling the black plastic bag out of my back pocket with one hand. Yes, I am a rule keeper. Keith always has all sorts of ideas what to do with it besides bag it but I refuse to act like I’m listening to whose porch he wants to put it on and only on rarest occasion fail to stifle a grin. He’s awful.
“OK, Honey, go ahead.” So Melissa picked up the doctrinal treatment where she’d left off and we got back in step. Only it was admittedly a bit more awkward with the heavy black bag dangling in my right hand. And it was an eternity to the next trash bin. Then she saw it. Star, that is. A bald dude with kind of a paunchy stomach (I’m visual. I need you to picture it) who looked to be in his late thirties and like he may not have had a girlfriend since ’73, walking some variety of a bull dog. No, not just walking. Training. He’d take about four steps then halt the dog and give it a treat. For crying out loud, man! Get on with it!
Then they got about five feet from us. It was more than Star could take. Off she went. Me behind her. Legs flying. Not hers. Bag now swinging. Jostling. Smacking me on right shoulder. Left shoulder. Upper arm. Lower arm. Trying to hit Star with bag. Miss dog. Spill part of bag.
By the time we recovered, Melissa could no longer remember what she was talking about. All she knew was that “something stinks.”
I think it was me.
ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- oh my, ha-ha-ha
I know what you mean about a dog not getting walked at their needed time of day. That was a perfect description of my dog….except a 60lb squerrel on a leash while raining acorns.
The love we have for our dogs!
Becky/Brentwood
Ha! Is there every a dull moment??
Rebecca
Lol! I feel your pain, Beth! I have a beautiful retriever mix who was a “willful child” for 14 years. Then last year we got attacked by a neighbor’s dog, and since then she doesn’t leave my side (and still isn’t crazy about leaving the yard). But almost 15 now, she’s still the sweetest pup you’d ever want.
Thanks for sharing,
Michele in Liverpool, NY
Jackie, I’m praying for your granddaughter and your whole family. What devastating, heart-wrenching news. Beth said it well: may Satan be sorry… and may Jesus be fully glorified and redeem it all.
believing Him ~
Linda
Beth!!!! I thought you said, Melissa had to go, and that you had Melissa’s potty!!! I thought, surely Melissa wouldn’t want you to tell all of us. (I know we are family, but this is a little personal!) Then, I re-read and whew.. I’m so glad to know you only have sweet puppy poo on you and not “someone” elses. wink wink. (I think I need to slow down when I read from now on)
Love you, Jacquelyn in S.D
Dear Jackie – we siestas join Beth in prayer for your family and your dear grandaughter – I am so sorry. As Beth said, “May Satan be sorry.”
That had to be the funniest thing I have ever read! I laughed until I cried! I am at home tonight by myself (husband and children are watching the Sugar Bowl with some friends). I am watching “One Night with the King” (the Esther movie). I can’t help myself. I am doing your new Bible study and I Love it! Esther has always intrigued me. Thank you for writing it for all of us!
Regina D.
Alabama
So glad you all are dog people. My daughter and her 3 dogs still live at home. Seven weeks ago I was awakened at 5:00am to the sound of two of the dogs fighting. I tried to separate them and got a very serious bite on my finger (partial amputation which could be repaired and broken bone). I was AMAZED at the people who said “You got rid of the dog didn’t you?”
Of COURSE I DIDN’T. It was not the dog’s fault, it was mine for putting my hand in the way when she was trying to defend herself. She still sleeps in the bed with us.
LOVE the pictures your words paint.
kiss the pups for me.
Love, LINDA
I think I know Star’s excitedness sounds like my beagle! And now I have a Heeler to walk too! With the 2 of them it gets pretty interesting! But I can’t say I have gotten as dirty as you did 😀
I think My husband has had some of Keith’s ideas too! But I too am a rule follower 😉
Ewww! I’m so sorry…you poor thing!
Nothing keeps me remembering my own humanity like my pet! We have a cat that chews on everything from my [brand new, I might add] leather handbag to our clothes to the cords on our electronics. It’s almost comical. My husband has fixed the laptop battery cord, a lamp, and our surround sound speakers, so there’s black tape on them all…lol! I don’t love that cat this much, I’m telling you, I don’t… I am SO learning patience and perseverance.
Hi Beth, this is my first visit to your blog, and what a treat!! I have to tell ya, laughing that hard isn’t good when you have a sinus infection, and even your teeth hurt!!! Ouchie..But it brought back fond memories of my dear red border collie who had some chow in him. He was great in his day!!! We have pugs now. Walking is their bag, but chasing squirrels, well that gives them all the exercise they need!!! Blessings,
Bevie
Only Christian Sisters can take a story like this one, laugh and put some sharing inside of it and then to read Jackie’s comment and yours, Beth. I am tearing up–yes, may Satan be sorry. Praying for your family, Jackie, ’cause I love you Sister much in Christ. Praying for that young ‘un. Jesus come soon.
Beth- That was just funny! I am not sure which part was funnier the bald dude or visualizing you being pulled by Star.
Lisa- Congrats on finding out that you are expecting #3. I found out earlier this year that I am expecting #3 and it was unexpected news. I went to the dr because of stomach pains and came home to tell my hubby I was pregnant. He said well that explains the stomach pains LOL!
However, I am trying to convince myself it will work taking a 3 month old in Sept to Deeper Still in Orlando. Someone tell me I am right 🙂
Cara
Hi, Beth
I just found out about this blog tonight. I haven’t really ever done this but, I am excited.
I went for a walk today and it was freezing and windy, it would have been great to have seen you running down the rode behind your dog.
I just got done reading Get out of that pit and I want to say Thank you for all you do. It opened my eyes to see that I was in a pit and I never want to be in one again. Gods timing is awesome.
Love,
Melissa Clark
Marysville Ca.
No one knows the hilarity of your story unless you have walked a dog with a pooper scooper bag. I didn’t realize how much I would miss my dog BO until he was gone. He was always happy to see me, was happy to walk anytime I wanted to walk, and he listened as I walked and talked to the Lord. Dogs are a woman’s best friend and they can teach you a lot about unconditional love.
Oh Beth – you CRACK ME UP!!! I tried to read it to my husband and ended up laughing so hard, I think he thought we were both crazy!
Beth,
We love you and thank God for you everyday!
Angela
Mansfield, TX
Hey Beth,
That is the funniest story..I am sitting here in my chair laughing hysterically while my family looks at me like I am crazy. My daughter says, “Are you reading Beth’s blog again?” Thanks for the laugh!
Stacy
Hi, Beth
I am the same way about pens, journals, any type of office supplies. I’ve got one journal I use to take notes at church and it has a special pen, my personal journal has a special pen, my prayer journal has a special pen–I think you get my drift. If what I’ve written doesn’t look quite right, I’ll tear the page out and re-write it. Is that OCD, or what?
I can just imagine the scene with your dog. I’ve got a beagle that loves to go (we have to spell go and walk). When I put my walking shoes on she gets so excited she shakes, jumps, barks, howls…I wish you could see it. She is such a comical little dog, but soooo sweet. I saw “Marley and Me”–it’s so good, and yes, I cried like a baby. I told my friend that I forgot my kleenex, she said to get extra napkins-I used every one of them.
Lisa, congratulations on your pregnancy–may God bless you during this special time and may God bless this special child.
We have a group in our church that will be starting “Esther” Sunday night, but I won’t get to be a part of it due to a prior commitment. I’ll catch it the next time it’s done. However, on Wednesday nights, I’ll be teaching a New Christians class for children. I’m so excited-I can hardly wait!
Blessings to all you wonderful siestas–I’m so glad to be a part of you
Sheri
Oh my goodness… Crack me up! Too funny.
I think you need the dog whisperer. (GRIN)
BTW, My man & boy are doing well and joyfully serving the Lord with enthusiasm in India. :o)
Thanks for the prayers.
Anna
“A bald dude with kind of a paunchy stomach (I’m visual. I need you to picture it) who looked to be in his late thirties and like he may not have had a girlfriend since ’73”
=( i know i wasn’t there, but surely looks shouldn’t be the biggest qualifier for deserving a girlfriend or boyfriend.
That’s funny kinda reminds me of a similiar story except the dog did I say( pit bull)and fightin roosters were chasing me! Well I about died and yes you know did the number 2! I work home-health which I love!:) you should pray for me from time to time and you wouldn’t believe some of my stories!!!!! 🙂
Kelly Jo
Albany Kentucky
I really needed to laugh ’til my sides ached….Thanks Beth, for the virtual “walk with dog/Melissa” today.
et in Wyoming, Iowa
Oh Beth! You crack me up! First of all, your descriptive words gave me a perfect mental picture of what happened…and I was laughing out loud! I bet something did stink!!!
This post is so timely because my Mom and Dad have been on a “Dog Whisperer” kick lately… They tape and watch every show and have even read Cesar’s book! They are trying shamelessly to instill his dog training techniques into their 2 English Springer Spaniels… It is a riot! But your post reminded me of how much we love our animals…and how we are willing to do anything for them, even carry their No.2!!!!
Much love to you- So sorry to hear that something hurt you during the Holidays. But praise the Lord that God has used us and our Scriptures to encourage you. What a blessing to know that!
We do love you here in Siestaville and don’t know what we’d do without you! Thank you for keeping it real.
Love,
Tara
My best dog poo story . . . I had taken my weiner dog on a walk and she did her business halfway through the neighborhood. I put “the business” in the bag and put the bag in my coat pocket. Unbeknownst to me, the lining of my coat pocket was ripped so the poo bag fell in between the lining and outer layer of the coat. Three days later (yep, three whole days), we finally figured out where the smell in the hall closet was coming from.
I just want to thank everyone for making me feel better about my notecard neatness fetish. I really can’t help it. I have actually recopied ENTIRE journals to another one because some of the entries were messy. I know, that’s nuts! I usually put a hole punch in my index cards and then use a binder ring so I can easily remove one and put another in it’s place. I am trying hard to overcome this….
I am praying for all the needs listed here. That precious granddaughter, the one injured in service, the Travolta family.
I am so glad the Lord has ordained this blog for His Glory and His people.
Seeking Him,
Beth Herring
Beth, I love how you’re getting all responsive to our comments!!! It’s so cool!! Maybe that’s cause you’re moderating? My condolences re: the poop.
Love, Anna
Jackie, please know I am praying for your family and your little grand daughter!
Melana
This gives new meaning to the phrase, “Have a little talk with Jesus…” I love it!
I’m a first-time mommy in my 40’s… after 23 years of marriage and thinking it was just the two of us, we welcomed our gift 11 weeks early but he’s now so healthy and growing strong – God has such a great sense of humor!
Our precious boy keeps us laughing all the time.”
Hester in OKC, OK
I just love you! You crack me up! Glad I am not the only person who can’t get her dog to heel! We flunked that part of puppy training school.
Much love!
Kristi B.
Oh Beth, I so needed that tonight. I have been dealing with my 17 year old hormone driven son who doesn’t understand why his girlfriend can’t stay the night or spend 20 hours a day with him. Don’t figure.
I have already filled out the personal leave papers at work for Deeper Still in Oklahoma City. That hope along with the Bible Memory and the different Bible studies will carry me through until December.
Thanks again for sharing your life with us. (I think this Bible memory team is way cool idea and I can’t even tell you how excited I am about it!!)
Love,
Jan in Topeka, KS
You all are too funny!
I smiled out loud Lisa, at what you said. Only because at my annual two days ago my doctor told me if we want anymore, NOW is the time — and all I could think was, “Is he crazy? Get pregnant at this weight?? I’d never lose it!” No thyroid, chasing 39, and 30 pounds overweight? Yeah. Me and Jenny Craig need to have a meetin first.
Oh, but another baby! I’m so happy for you!
Beth, hatin that stanky for you. I can just picture y’all flailing down the street. I bet your hair still looked good when it was over though. You’ve got good hair, my friend.
Sweet Jackie, Oh how I’m praying for your family and your precious grandaughter. and I won’t stop.
love everyone, and so happy to start the new year with you all,
lavonda
This was hilarious. I have no doggie story, but years ago when I worked at a middle school while doing lunch duty, I got pooped by a bird – all over my hair. Needless to say all the middle school teenagers got a laugh at my shocked, embarrazed face. I will NEVER forget that day.
What a wonderful post… I guess we all get a little stinky stuff on us from time to time with all that we manage to step into ( not talking animal here) I wonder how many times I have smelled bad to God..too many times I am afraid.
I know this post was a light hearted one, but this is what came out..maybe it has some underlying meaning for me?!
anyway,
It sounds like Star had a tad bit more fun than you!
looking forward to this year
love, Delilah
Ahh…Nothing like a doggie-doo story to cheer you up while working at 1:30 in the morning!! My black lab would give Star a fun for her money! In her puppy days, she would literally drag me all over the park with me scrambling to keep up and screaming “Heel! Slow down! Wait for me!” all the way!
And, I must say, I think I should get the prize for the notecard OCD…I remembered I needed to pick up a new notebook while I was at Sam’s, and there is no buying small packages there…I now have 12!! My 18 month old has been crayoning one while watching Blue’s Clues (he’s got his very own “handy, dandy notebook”!), but I can use all the pages I want in the other!!
Have a super weekend!
Ginny Lou
I needed a laugh…and well, that was STINKIN’ funny.
Oh my…I am seeing an American Funniest Home Video about now!!! Beth, thank you for your sense of humor (who says Christians can’t have fun)! LOL
Donna in AZ
I can picture it well — so funny!
I experienced a new thing while writing out my memory scripture. I used pencil but completely refrained from erasing and rewriting! It was not easy. I’m so glad to know I’m not alone in my OC-ness about things like that!
Jackie, I am so very sorry about your granddaughter and the heartache your family is experiencing. May God protect her precious heart, heal her soul, and lead her to plunder all that the enemy has tried to steal and destroy.
And Beth and Siestas – I was so disappointed that I missed the New Year’s Eve solo siestas post. I was busy making a chocolate cream pie for Thursday’s dinner and logged on just a little too late to participate. I loved reading all the comments. Thank you for sharing your evening with us. I loved the “year of the Boaz” – Amen! 🙂
Lisa in Ft. Worth
I just love you!
I love that you are visual because I could picture the whole thing!! You are too funny! I had a Lab that pulled me around like that. I took her for a walk when I was trying to induce labor with my first born (it worked)!
You so make me laugh! It’s refreshing to see that there are so many “visual” ladies on this blog!! It can take me a looong time to tell a story–no detail is too small.
Thanks for making me laugh.
blessings,
Bobbie
You so should be a writer !
But wait. You ARE a writer.
: ) Write on . ; ) Get it , 70’s speak ?
Okay , I’m done.
I couldn’t a’ handled that swinging , thwopping against me , bag of … droppings. Uh uh.
TOO. FUNNY. I’m glad your life isn’t perfect now either. ( I mean this in an okay way . )
Still love you ,
Elizabeth in NM
hilarious!!! For the sake of research, could you elaborate on Keith’s alternative means of deposit disposal? (just kidding!!)
…and speaking of “good pens”… I think I’m dangerously approaching obsession level as far as I’m concerned.. suffice to say that with each pay day, my cubicle buddy says to me: “Right, Maria ! Time for your monthly journey to the stationery store!” You see, THAT stationery store is a pen lover’s paradise. There, I get to try all sorts of pen color and width, their grip and weight… (my personal favorite is rigorously blue medium-ballpoint!)… see.. I knew I’d go overboard with this comment, but there it is!
Love,
Maria Cristina
Dear Jackie,
I am praying with you too. My heart just aches for you all. We too just found out over Thanskgiving that my son had been molested when he was 8 to 9 yrs. old and waited till this year to tell us (he’s 16 now). It was bottled up in that poor boy all these years. As awful as this is I praise God that you found out early, I think healing comes a little easier and faster the sooner it is out in the open.
May God Bless you all with His Healing Power this year!
Angela Larson
Redmond, WA
Sure hope you went right home and soaked in a nice hot smelly bath(smelly yummy bubble bath that is)!!
Your Keith sounds a bit like my Jeff, always having these GREAT ideas who we can gift the package to!! Just Gross!!
Your word picture made me “bust a gut” laughin’ though!!
Sure hope you went right home and soaked in a nice hot smelly bath(smelly yummy bubble bath that is)!!
Your Keith sounds a bit like my Jeff, always having these GREAT ideas who we can gift the package to!! Just Gross!!
Your word picture made me “bust a gut” laughin’ though!!
Hi Beth
This story really encouraged me in a way you may not have expected. I was thrilled to hear that you walk and have spiritual conversations with your grown daughter. I have heard you say before that as a young girl Melissa was ‘a whirlwind’ and a ‘spirited child’- and I’ve got me one of those. She is just three and is lovely but can be a real handful who knows her own mind, and doesn’t respond to any punishment I’ve found!! As I was reading your blog I felt the Lord say to me “Stick with it kid, she’s gonna turn out just fine and be a strong woman for Christ!” –
Right now the nearest I get to a spiritual discussion is “Night baby- mummy loves you, daddy loves you, Jesus loves you” “Jesus doesn’t love me, he’s never even met me- where does Jesus live anyway?!” – You provided me with light at the end of the tunnel!
Your studies are really inspiring me to raise my two baby girls better, and I want to be the generation that makes a differnce for her children and her children’s children.
God Bless
Ems
Well, at least you can say your walk was not “uneventful”!!
That is one reason I do not have pets….I do not want to have to deal with their….ummm…business, so to speak!!
I have a mental picture of your ordeal and all I can say besides…” I’m so sorry” is “thank God I have a Yorkie!” You are hilarious!! Hope your next walk goes better.
Selina
Barbourville, KY.
I am so laughing with you! Our dog, a cocker spaniel, but a tad too intelligent at times that can drive me crazy. I mean I know that parents have to out think thier kids at times, but I have to my dog too.
We were on our walk which like Star, external stimuli is not good. Someone dropped a bag of old chicken pieces/bones on the road, and of course I was not going to let her have it. She fought a good fight all the way to the stop sign (about 1/8 mile with her pulling and tugging and looking back). We have different routes that we take each time. So, three days later on that route, she stops at that spot and does not move, just sits! Sitting is good but she is not getting the chicken left overs. I had to carry her all the way around the corner before she would walk again-hehe.