Just Taking A Little Walk

OK, so yesterday Melissa and I didn’t get to take our traditional daily long-walk when she’s home that always includes all manner of theological banter until way late in the afternoon. Big mistake. Border Collie’s can’t wait to get their daily exercise until 5:00 PM. By that time their obsessive compulsive disorder has overrun their people-pleasing demeanors and they are like walking a forty-pound squirrel on a leash while it’s raining acorns. Star does just fine on a walk…unless there is one iota of external stimuli. Like a person walking by. Or a car passing. Or a bird tweeting. At which point, she begins her raw rendition of the canine spastic zigzag. I have never once said, “Heel!” to Star without prefacing it with, “Oh, no.”

Just about the time the theological pot thickened and Melissa and I were perhaps taking ourselves a tad too seriously, Star needed to…well…you know. Not number one. “Hold up,” I said to Melissa while I waited until Star made a deposit in at least four different spots including the sidewalk. So, I held tight to the leash while pulling the black plastic bag out of my back pocket with one hand. Yes, I am a rule keeper. Keith always has all sorts of ideas what to do with it besides bag it but I refuse to act like I’m listening to whose porch he wants to put it on and only on rarest occasion fail to stifle a grin. He’s awful.

“OK, Honey, go ahead.” So Melissa picked up the doctrinal treatment where she’d left off and we got back in step. Only it was admittedly a bit more awkward with the heavy black bag dangling in my right hand. And it was an eternity to the next trash bin. Then she saw it. Star, that is. A bald dude with kind of a paunchy stomach (I’m visual. I need you to picture it) who looked to be in his late thirties and like he may not have had a girlfriend since ’73, walking some variety of a bull dog. No, not just walking. Training. He’d take about four steps then halt the dog and give it a treat. For crying out loud, man! Get on with it!

Then they got about five feet from us. It was more than Star could take. Off she went. Me behind her. Legs flying. Not hers. Bag now swinging. Jostling. Smacking me on right shoulder. Left shoulder. Upper arm. Lower arm. Trying to hit Star with bag. Miss dog. Spill part of bag.

By the time we recovered, Melissa could no longer remember what she was talking about. All she knew was that “something stinks.”

I think it was me.


200 Responses to “Just Taking A Little Walk”

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  1. 1
    Joanne (The Simple Wife) says:

    Oh dear. Or is it oh doo?!

  2. 2
    kaci says:

    All I can say is I LOVE YOUR STORIES! While I love your intellect and passion about studying the word, I am equally in love with your humor and love of life. I myself just this week did a really stupid thing by willingly bringing home a new puppy. I even begged for it. My husband said it was a bad idea, we had our hands full already, but NO, I DIDN’T LISTEN! I begged, pleaded, cried a little until he gave in. I had the darling thing less than 8 hours when I tried every way I could think of to convince the kids we should give it back. Didn’t happen. So, if I should find myself in your shoes anytime soon, what I’ll have to remember is DROP THE BAG!
    Thanks so much for the laughs!

    kaci in norman

  3. 3
    Steve & Angela says:

    I am still stitting here chuckling. OUT LOUD mind you. I was so excited to find you HAVE A BLOG and it is REALLY YOU! Yes I to am an exlimation mark!!! in action.. GOD Bless and Happy New Year!!

  4. 4
    Moose Mama says:

    I love my dogs, but sometimes…I love my cats more. Litter boxes…that’s all I’m saying!!

    Melana in Wyoming

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    That story is hilarious! Only, it's not a story, it's your life. ๐Ÿ™‚ ha ha ha I needed this good laugh. I was just telling a friend about the Marley & Me movie and how it ended so sad. Don't go see it….huge tears will flow.


  6. 6
    Heather in CA says:

    That was hilarious! I must tell you 2 things…
    1. Being one that is almost considered “late 30’s” You are barely born in ’73….never mind, now I get it***grin***
    2. Target does not carry spiral bound index cards….I’m heading to the grocery store! Of all places..???

  7. 7
    Kim Safina says:

    The Journey Continues ~

    Beth ~ YOU CRACK ME UP!!!
    I think all of us Siesta’s are picturing the scene… LOL

    ” A man’s harvest in life will depend entirely on what he sows”

    No, you don’t stink ~~~ You just bring us Siesta’s and I am sure your family too, LOTS OF LAUGHING OUT LOUD ~
    Be Joyful… without the bag!
    With “Heaven Bound” blessings,
    Kim Safina

  8. 8
    Georgia Jan says:

    Beth: I absolutely LOVE your stories and because I am so visual and you are so descriptive – it works!!!

    That Melissa is one smart youngun. My son Jeremy and I have these theological discussions too, and every now and then he will “let me in” and give me a little crumb and say, “wow – Mom, good point,” but that is ALL I get from the doctoral minister…but hey…I could squeeze him to pieces – and he is 27!!! I still get so excited when I happen to run into him in town at a restaurant or something and say “that’s my boy!”

    Speaking of stinkin’, the air where I live is THICK today with the odor of chicken manure as Farmer Peake (across from our farm) has fertilized all 250 of his acres…

    So something stinks here too – and it is NOT me ๐Ÿ™‚ But boy is is strong…so if it WAS me, I could blame it on the chicken manure ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love y’all
    Georgia Jan

    My word verification is gagging…not kidding…or is it tragging…whatever – it’s hilarious –

  9. 9
    Kristen says:

    Oh my mercy… the visual I have!
    Note to self: Next time I walk my dog, bring twisty ties for the “goodie” bag!

  10. 10
    Lina says:

    Oh my gosh I’m laughing out loud! You said: “I waited until Star made a deposit in at least four different spots including the sidewalk.” My six year old yellow Lab Shelby (looks just like Marley in the movie) does the exact same thing…my husband calls it the walk-around-Sally! This is what he says: “For cryin’ out loud Shelby, do you HAVE TO DO the walk-around-Sally right NOW?”

    Dogs. You gotta love ’em.

  11. 11
    Ashton says:

    Beth, you bring so much joy to people! I get a blast, laughing reading the comments in this blog!! fun!!!!!!! WHOOHOO!
    love, alli

  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    Okay, I have to say this about the dog story – this is why some of us own cats! You scoop out the box every couple of days, and you’re good to go.

    On the other hand, my cat is hyperactive, feisty and loves to play “tag” so if you want to see a 33-year-old woman absolutely making a fool of herself, you can come to my house and watch me get chased all over the apartment by a seven-pound kitty. I don’t know if I could live through that kind of enthusiasm from a forty-pound dog.


  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    I am laughing out loud at that story! So sorry I missed the entertainment!

  14. 14
    The McLain Family says:

    Enjoyed the laugh. Our walks are a litle different. Our baggy consists of more of the size of a grocery bag. My “Zoey” is a 135lb great dane. Needless to say, her “deposits” are a two hand job.

  15. 15
    Jackie says:

    Hi Beth — I so enjoyed the chuckle you gave me with this post. I needed to laugh badly, as I found out two days ago that my 5 year old granddaughter has been sexually molested. I used YOU as an example to my daughter of a life abused but used fully by God. Thank you so very much for sharing your personal journey so freely. It has helped this family come through some really hard days.

  16. 16
    Beth says:

    Jackie, I am so sorry. I pray that Jesus will become her everything…not just in spite of what happened but strangely as a result. To be okay, people like her and me have to have JESUS. May Satan be sorry.

  17. 17
    Tammy says:

    ok sweet Mama Beth I am trying hard to not laugh…but I am laughing so hard my sides hurt. You said to be visual and well all I can see is legs flying and was your hair all right after that and what did the guy and the other dog do? Now this is making it hard to focas on my memory verse…..sheesh.. I hope your walk goes better tomorrow.

    love ya
    Tammy S.

  18. 18
    Luv2Praise says:

    This is what I love about “Blogland”! You start out talking about walking dogs, deep theological discussions, dog doodoo, and segway into discussions of new babies coming, OCD note takers, spirituality, verse memorizations, etc. I feel like I am having a big tea party with all my girlfriends! The funny thing about it all is we all understand the conversations and keep right on moving! You are my type of women!

    I had two border collies while growing up and loved them dearly. Unfortunately my boys are both highly allergic to dogs and cats. We have had to have pets such as goldfish, hamsters and snails. Yes, I said snails. They were just desperate for a pet! When the hampster died we buried it in the backyard and had a prayer service. We then went for a family walk and the boys wanted to dig it back up to see if God had taken him to heaven yet. I had to tell them that we would check on him after their nap. Needless to say I had to dig him up and bury him elsewhere before they woke up. I just loved their total trust that God was going to take their little friend to Heaven.

    Sorry I really segwayed on that one!

    Congratulations on your pregnancy Lisa. You will be in my prayers.

    Thanks Beth for another wonderful uplifting blog. You always make me laugh. And about that “hurt” you were feeling around the holidays. I hate it when that happens! I hope that we can be there for you and each other at these times. As God would want us to be uplifting to each other.

    Thanks to you all and Happy New Year! Lori

  19. 19
    Kara says:

    Hi Beth!

    Thanks for that, it was a little humor for me after a bad evening. Please keep me and my family in prayer. Thanks.

  20. 20
    Megan says:

    I (unknowingly) stepped in dog poop on my way in to meet my future in-laws for the first time. Moments after shaking my hand, my father-in-law was rinsing my shoe in the utility sink while my mother-in-law was wiping the carpet, and I was trying to summon my secret powers to turn back time or invisible!

  21. 21
    Andrea R says:

    That is TOOOOO FUNNY! I’m a visual person too so to visualize this situation is hysterical! I’m so excited about having a Jesus year and memorizing scripture. That’s always been a weak spot of mine. Thanks for the push Beth!

  22. 22
    GentillyIzzie says:

    So being the visual person I am and having one of those dogs who tends to act a little ADHD at times while on the leash(the good thing is she is about the size of a squirrel) that is way to funny. I have now had my ab workout for the day with a good laugh.

    ps. Siestas just took a phone call from a family member. I have a cousin in Afghanistan who was injured by a land mine day before yesterday. Details are sketchy but he is alive. His name is Chris please keep he and his family in your prayers

  23. 23
    HavingaBall says:

    It’s a comfort to know I’m not the only one with a dog who has a mind of it’s own! Thanks for sharing! They’re still such blessings!

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Beth…I am so glad I don’t have the only crazy dog out there!

  25. 25
    Dana N says:

    Oh my goodness!! I needed a really good laugh today!

  26. 26
    Lynann says:

    I am laughing so hard right know. I have a visual of all this in my mind. Beth all I can say is I know how you feel. I get pulled around like that almost all day long by dogs that weigh more thatn I do. I work in an animal clinic so I also wear alot of things too! Beth have you ever heard of a gentle leader? It is one of the greatest invention ever made. You might ask your vet about it.

    Love and prayers,

  27. 27
    Melinda says:


    From one rule keeper (or would that be drool-keeper??) to another!


  28. 28
    Lisa says:

    Oh, how funny!! We have a lab/collie mix that weighs in at about 100 lbs. And, he won’t be a year old until February! Needless to say, he walks us.
    But, Praise the Lord, the walk wasn’t boring!!


  29. 29
    jenlovesthelord says:

    LOL!!!!!!!! That’s to funny. You have no idea how much I needed that laugh today. Been in a major pity party today ๐Ÿ™

  30. 30
    Kimberly and Grace says:

    OK…too funny! Thanks for the visual. I only wish I could join you all on your theological walks. How fun must that be…seriously! I would love it!

    We cannot have a dog because my dear husband is terribly allergic, even to hypoallegenic dogs. Grace wants one so bad. So, I went online and looked up hairless dogs. I found an American hairless terrior. It’s acutally cute and gives us an option (hopefully) for a future pet!

    Happy New Year to all!


  31. 31
    Shelia in Alaska says:

    I have been “house” sitting for the last year and a half for various houses. With almost every house/apartment/etc there are dogs/cats/both. My friends tell me that with the experiences I have had, I should write a book. I would have to change the pets and owners names to protect the embarassed. Maybe you should write a dog book, too, Beth.

  32. 32
    fuzzytop says:

    SO hilarious!!! What is it with border collies?? We have 8 (that’s not a typo – I do mean 8) dogs and the border collie (named Missy, short for Mischief) is the only one that does stuff like that…. Hope you are bubble-bathed back to normal :o)


  33. 33
    donna says:

    Loved the story! we have a very spoiled untrained French Britney. He is by nature a bird dog and does not walk well on a leash! He loves walks though. We have to spell the word “walk” because if he hears someone say the word “walk” its all over! He goes crazy jumping and barking and running back and forth to the door until you take him out!

  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    I had to smile, here is another New Years dog story or two; one was our daughter’s dog was out doing her not number one at the peak of our daughter New Years Eve party. She found a skunk or the skunk found her and before my daughter realize the skunk situation she had opened the patio door and called for her dog to come in from the dark which she really wanted to do because deep down inside she is a people pleaser and was shocked at the skunk in the first place, so mid call her dog came flying indto the house an with it the whole skunk aroma, my daughter had at least 25 guest who were quick to groan and cover their mouths while a couple of the chaps pulled out their Iphones and google de-skunk smelling solutions; on face book people are teasing and saying her party stank, or they had stinking good time..
    The same night our little poodle dropped her plastic up stairs water dish down the stairs came down after it picked it up and took it to my husband with brown eyes pleading for a drink; our son and his wife own a labradoodle who we were watching while they were at my daughters stinking party and the bigger dog had drained all the water dishes in the house… we had to smile at that one.

  35. 35
    Anonymous says:

    As usual this story is so funny. I just love to read them. My two oldest children had a dog encounter today with our Aussie. They decided they would take her for a walk about a mile from home. What you need to know is that she gets car sick very easily. So why they decided to drive her some where to walk in beyond my understanding. Well anyway after there walk ( yes she got car sick on the way but they got her out in time.)on there way home my petite 18 yr old daughter claimed her right to drive home. (Now you have to visualize this.) My 19yr old 6’1″ son was sitting in the passenger seat of a dodge caravan with the dog that gets car sick between his legs. He was paranoid all the way home. The girl child told him not to worry unless Chocolate started licking frantically. Sooooo everytime that poor dog so much as move her tongue my son was freaking out and saying she was going to…well I am sure you could guess what. They did make it home ok but my daughter could not help giving her bro a hard time.
    Kim B. in AZ

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    Ya’ll crack me up! Yes, I am from the south and thankfully our dogs clean up their own doo in the woods! Won’t catch me with a black bag!

    By the way, how do ya’ll get your pictures on this thingy ya’ll all look so cute!

    One more thing I used to go to church with Travis and Angela way back before they were even Travis and Angela and loved worshiping with them.
    Lord bless,
    Nashville, TN

  37. 37
    Dancing Wallflower says:

    Sounds like an episode of the Dog Whisperer (Caesar Milan) show!!! LOL–You know I have never met anyone who could tell such a visual story that even I could smell something that stinks!!! LOL
    Kim from Jacksonville, Fl

  38. 38
    Lauri W. says:

    I’m praying too for Satan to be sorry for this one. May you summon strength from the One and Only to comfort your granddaughter and all those that love her.

    Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith–more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire–may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:3-7 (ESV)

    God bless you,

  39. 39
    Ginger from Alabama says:

    Absolutely too funny! I’m also a very visual person and I can “see” this all playing out! ๐Ÿ™‚

    blessings Beth!
    Ginger from Alabama

  40. 40
    beyond this moment says:

    I’m sorry, I can’t stop laughing. Isn’t that the way life is sometimes?

  41. 41
    Bonnie/Mom of 3 says:

    Oh Beth, you made me smile with your story. I’m not a dog walker (not patient enough); I make our dogs go out in our fenced backyard, but I have a lot of neighbors who do. They stop their dogs along our fence to greet our dogs. ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy New Year to you and your family!

  42. 42
    The Marquarts says:

    Thanks for sharing!! I needed the laugh!!

  43. 43
    Melissa Lynn says:

    I am so, so sorry about your granddaughter…precious angel! I will pray. I know what she is going thru from personal experience and my heart broke as I read your post. It has comforted me so much to understand that the Lord knows, He saw, He wept over what happened to her and has her tightly in His arms. Praise Him that she has you!!!
    Hold tightly to Him,
    Melissa, in Concord, CA

  44. 44
    The Marquarts says:

    Nana 2 four…type it, print it, and glue it on the index card!! and if for some reason you loose your cards, you’ll have them saved on your computer!! ..and someone else will be blessed with your old cards!! ;0)

    nothing wrong with a lil’ OCD!

  45. 45
    Karen says:

    Beth –
    You CRACK ME UP!!!! I just chuckled as I read about your “outing.” I think the bag jostling back and forth ON me would have been just TOO much!!! One question. Did you pick up the stinky “treasures” that fell back out of the bag????? ๐Ÿ™‚ (grin) Shew – what a walk!!

    Hoping your next walk is a little less adventurous,

  46. 46
    boutcrazy says:

    I love the fact that you are so real. We sometimes tend to put on that pedstal, but you won’t let us. You have to deal with “crap” just like the rest of us!

    Monday night – the kickoff to the Esther study at our church which I’m leading. I watched One Night with the King to get some visuals. I’ve learned so much from just your introduction! Thank you.

  47. 47
    Queen B says:

    Beth, I feel your “pet” angst! My loveable lab, Bo, has yet to meet a mailbox, dog or fellow walker whom he doesn’t love. I have recently lost 40 pounds. While doing my walk/intermittent run this summer with Bo, he took off rather unexpectedly downhill and my already loose pants began to slip. I was being pulled by a 105 pound lab on a retractable leash, shouting “Heel Bo! Heel!”, and trying to keep my pants up. Needless to say, my neighbors had quite a laugh and I purchased new pants (a smaller size) that very afternoon. When walking with Bo, I have to keep a clear head. I have tried to listen to your podcasts on my IPOD while walking, but it has proved to be nearly deadly. I get caught up in what you are saying and, heaven help me, if Bo’s attention is abruptly snagged by a squirrel- I am a gonner! Walking with a furry child is an adventure – for sure!

  48. 48
    Kathy Pink Bicycle Arkansas says:

    Oh Beth,

    I can see you now…..what a hoot!
    That’s why we love you….sharing these stories……

    Do your neighbors know who you are?

    Happy New Year….

  49. 49
  50. 50
    April in real life says:

    Thanks Beth… I needed a good laugh…sorry it was at your expense! I am a rule follower and visual person too… with an unruly dog… it wasn’t too hard to imagine! =) I am sure you are smelling like roses now!

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