You guys on our Scripture memory team were ON IT yesterday and I am so proud of you! I tried to wait up last night until I’d brought in 2000 comments but I was about 45 short when I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. In fact, picture your Siesta Mama in bed, head propped up on a pillow, dozing off over and over again with her fingers on the key board of her laptop. (I’d have never gotten away with that if my man had been home but, alas, he was not.) I finally shut it down and gave way to my dreams. Those of you on our Scripture memory team who didn’t get a chance to sign in and record your verses, be sure to return to yesterday’s first post and do so.
As for the rest of us, I hope we will have a very interesting topic today. Most of you will remember that I did a survey on insecurity several months ago. You responded by the droves and brought insight no amount of book research (beyond the Word) could have rivaled. God has stayed on me about the topic and I have a pretty good idea that He’s got something up His holy sleeve but I don’t want to make forecasts. I just want to keep taking the next step with His lead. This is the next step. I told you at that time that I’d probably look to you for more insight on the topic down the road and we’re officially down the road. I’m pretty sure this won’t be the last you’ll hear on this blog about it either.
So here’s the premise followed by the question. I believe insecurity has the capacity to make a fool out of a woman like maybe nothing else on the planet (except the devil, of course). This is especially true in relationships but it also rears its head in our work lives and our serving lives. My bottom line is that we better deal with this issue or these are the kinds of things it makes us do. If insecurity has never made a fool of you, then please don’t comment on this post, but if it has, let us know in a paragraph exactly HOW. Some ground rules:
*Make all comments ANONYMOUS so that I can freely use the information and quote it. If you don’t want to take the chance of being quoted or your story being told (on video or in print or at a speaking engagement), please kindly refrain from commenting. Keep in mind that I am blatantly asking for your examples for the expressed purpose of sharing them to help others.
*Think back all the way to middle school or high school or college or maybe think back only to yesterday. The more varied the examples, the better.
*I’m hoping for everything from serious examples of how insecurity can make a fool of a person to hilarious ones so don’t feel like, if your best story is silly, that it doesn’t fit the post. You know me! I love silly!
Somewhere along the way I’m probably going to do a post for men only so we can get their insight on insecurity, so keep an eye out on that. I’ll need your help enlisting them at the time. We’ve done that before on a different topic and it was so intriguing. For now though, it’s women only on this topic.
OK, Siestas, fess up! Has insecurity ever made a fool of you?
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Hindsight makes me see the insecurity so clearly, and unmasks my sick mentality that needed so much healing….
I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 41 yrs old. Tumor was large…took up a large part of my tiny breast. Because of my relatively young age at diagnosis, Plastic Surgeon suggested mastectomy and a “tummy tuck” procedure to make me breasts of my own tissue. I was THRILLED, because I thought I would finally be a beautiful woman with a flat belly AND new perky breasts! ( I thought, “What a great reward for getting breast cancer!”) Seven days post op, the breast tissue lost its blood supply and died, so I was left with huge mastectomy scars for months. After chemo ended, that same plastic surgeon then suggests he could take my THIGHS (the “saddlebag” part that had caused me so much anxiety all my life) and make THEM my new breasts! Oh the joy! You mean I could have those new breasts you promised AND lose those ugly hips I always hated?? I happily went for it, and thanked God for finally loving me enough to give me the body I had always wanted!
Unfortunately (yet again) seven days later, the same blood supply failure issue happened AGAIN to the new (thigh) breasts and this surgery failed as well! I had allowed all this cutting to be done to my now cancer-free body just so that I would look “oh so fine”…and again I was left with this even more deformed and ugly body that I was so disgusted to look at! So, (you might ask) why did I return to that same surgeon after the first surgery was clearly a failure? Because I wanted him to like me! I wanted him to think I was his coolest patient ever! I wanted to look so hot, that both of us would be thrilled with the final outcome of his work. I wanted to finally shed the chubby, fat thighed, small breasted exterior, and I obviously would go to any length to get it. What a fool I was! I couldn’t even tell anyone what happened because it all sounded so ludicrous, and I sounded like such a shallow idiot in the process! TEN surgeries later, now sporting very deformed, very scarred belly and legs, implants, and horrendous mastectomy scars, I am convinced that all of it happened to throw me straight in to the arms of our Savior. Through YOUR teaching me through all of your wonderful studies Beth, I finally know now that “The King is enthralled with my beauty!”
How can I thank you for leading me so lovingly through all He wanted you to teach me?
Words will never be enough, Beth Moore…..never!
Praise His Perfect name… I Love Him so!
Goodness insecurity has always been HUGE in my life! I am in my 40’s so definitely better but I am a huge people pleaser and I was very focused on social stuff in my 20’s… when I found the Lord in my early 30’s I felt as if I was freed from all of that… but soon I realized I just transfered my stuff to the Christian arena… my thoughts now are… well if they knew that they would think I wasn’t a Christian… which I realize is crazy but it will still overtake me… there is something about the Evangelical South that feeds on this (or maybe my insecurity) everything always seems focused on sin management instead of a heart change! That is where your ministry is freeing to me! It has so helped me because you are real! Thank You!
It is amazing that this is the subject of your blog. I had a scheduled appointment this evening to get my haircut and had “confession” with my hairdresser…well don’t we all? I have been going to her for twenty years now. She was only 20 when I started going to her and I was around 25. I had to confess to her that I was saw her at a local theme park and I literally knocked my husband out of the way and turned around to go the other way so that she would not see me. Goodness, my hair was pulled back in a ponytail and what would she think! I was so insecure with the way I felt and looked. I had such preconceived ideas of how beautiful she was and how much “less” I felt than her. I have never shared that story with her. She is now a mother of three and still beautiful but a “mom” and I see her as a real person – not someone on a pedestal. I now look back at picture of twenty years ago and besides the big, permed hair…. and can only imagine ever getting into those “skinny jeans” and having a tight face without wrinkles, gray hair etc. but my heart hurts as I think about so many “MISSED OPPORTUNITIES” because of all the insecurities I carried with me. Thank the Lord, I can share with her now…that true beauty is within and shines through and I would never imagine running the other way if I ran into her now.
I love how God works in our lives… even if it causes some humiliation.
I was so insecure with myself and who I thought I should be that I went as far as flashing a bunch of boys on my school bus because I thought that they would think I was cool for doing it. Well, the boys thought it was cool but not my real friends who sat back and watched me as I made a fool of myself. There was another girl that asked me to do it with her who, I wasn’t friends with at all, but she was very popular and I wanted to fit in. Oh, and when I say flashed, I just mean that we lifted our shirts and showed our bras. I now believe that God knew I was going to be faced with this choice of whether to flash or not, and He figured in case I didn’t make the right choice, He would try to save a little of my dignity.
So I have flashed all these teenage boys, my friends think I’m ridiculous for trying to fit in so badly and I think to myself, “Oh well, it was just my bra and its not like everyone knows or will even find out for that matter… Right?” WRONG!!! About 3 days later God arranges for my mom to go to a little cafe to get something to eat where she just so happens to run into… yes, my bus driver! My bus driver of course tells her everything and I got the biggest (but much needed) lecture of my life. After that I was pulled out of public school and put into a private school where I met and later married the love of my life. I still have days where I struggle with my insecurities and feel like I don’t add up but then I remind myself that God loves me for who I am right now and in the end that’s all that really matters.
Insecurity is my middle name. One example that comes to mind is that I avoid small groups\bible studies in group – in short anything that requires speaking. I will attend events, lecture styles but nothing wants me to speak. There’s this voice in my head that always says “shut up you have nothing of value to say”. Consequently, I will not share anything and can become totally emotionless when talking. I am fine one on one but not in groups. Others always look like they have it together – not me.
I know that I can put a sentence together and for goodness I have a Master’s degree so I am not stupid but I can’t get over thinking so little of myself.
Wow, what to tell or where to begin. I suppose one of the times I was a fool that haunts me the most is when I “offered” myself to a man who had dumped me. I felt like the reason he dumped me was because I hadn’t given him “all” of me. Well, the more I thought about it the more I thought I couldn’t live without him. So, I went to him and just flat offered myself to him. To my devastation at the time, he did not take the offer–he didn’t do it in a mean manner, he just knew it was wrong–boy was God watching out for me–still, I was totally humiliated and felt like I had had the ultimate rejection. it embarrasses me horribly whenever I think about it. I have never told anybody–I pray he hasn’t, but who knows.
There are many, many more times I have acted like a fool, but this is the one that haunts me the most. I totally put God to the side and was willing to do whatever to be accepted and loved. I wish I could say this happened when I was in my teens or 20s, but it happened well into my 30s. Why does insecurity get worse the more you wait for something–like someone to love you?
I’m sorry I accidentally commented WITH my ID – PLEASE don’t post that one!
There’s countless times insecurity has caused me to do something really really stupid in my adult life. But memories of my insecurity making a fool out of me stand out in my mind more in high school and college… like being too insecure to go to a party or out with friends without drinking. Drinking made me more relaxed and comfortable, which in turn, yes, led to many foolish actions and decisions made.
I remember one time in particluar a boyfriend had broken up with me for another girl, and I so badly didn’t want to be around them at a dance, that I drank waaaay too much, and ended up throwing up in a trash can right in front of him. And then I passed out. In the trash can. Upside down. Hiney in the air. My girlfriend had to pick me up out of there and carry me to the car.
If I’d been less insecure, I’d have not even needed to go out to a dance in front of him and his friends, or for sure would have never needed to drink to do it.
(You know, to this day, I can’t stand the taste of alcohol because of how sick I got from it that very night!)
Thank you Jesus for your mercy and forgiveness!
I’m too insecure to say no to people when they ask me to do something. So I end up doing way more than one person should be capable of, and stressing myself out, and my husband out, and even my dog out. (not really about the dog, but it made for good dramatic effect).
I’d love to be secure enough in myself that I could say no to people sometimes, and not worry that they wouldn’t like or accept me if I did.
Beth,
WE WOMEN NEED A GROUP HUG!!!
I work for a small mission organization, assisting the ministry’s founders. This summer I traveled with them to the various countries in which we work. On one occasion, a pastor unexpectedly called on me to share something with the congregation. I was unprepared and I panicked. I had nothing to say; my mind was a complete blank. Okay, the foreign language, understandable. But I couldn’t even come up with something in English! Despite encouragements from the crowd, I refused to go up front. I was nearly in tears, just at the thought of it.
Someone finally stepped in for me, but the real insecurities came afterward. The enemy assaulted my mind with so many thoughts of inadequacy and failure — how I don’t measure up to my position in ministry, how someone else would be better, how I’m not an asset to the ministry, how I’ve disappointed people…
I was so discouraged…but I learned a lot from that experience. Sometimes I’m amazed at how much more God teaches me through my failures than my victories.
But He goes above and beyond; He replaces those insecurities with a confidence that can be found only in Him. Sometimes it feels more like drilling a tooth to rid it of rottenness and replacing it with a solid filling. It may be a painful process, but if we hang in there with God, the end result is healthier.
Oh, Beth, I could tell you some things about insecurity. I missed out on the survey. I’m very proud to be the daughter of an Air Force veteran. However, a drawback of military life is always being the “new kid on the block”. The kids at school always had their own friends and I felt like an outsider (which I was) in any group of which I was a part. To make matters worse, I have some health problems that did not allow me to participate in sports–which is always a big thing in school. There were many kids that said they were my friend, but when the rubber met the road, I was used for their amusement.
At home, it was just as bad. I was always compared to other kids (“why can’t you be like_____?). I was never nice enough, pretty enough, not enough talent, or good enough. What’s more, my brother participated in multiple sports and my parents made a big deal out of that. If I got an award for something, it paled in comparison to his awards.
When we relocated for the last time, I enrolled in a school in which my Senior class was comprised of kids that had been together for all 12 years of school. While some reached out to me, there were many that did not.
Therefore, I kept to myself and built walls around me to keep the pain out. The only one that I truly trust is Jesus. As I’ve gotten older, some of the walls have been broken, even now walls are still being torn down. Like the layers of an onion, they are being peeled back one by one.
17 years ago, during my sophomore year of college, I watched as all the girls I thought I wanted to be close friends with hooked up with cute guys, went out on dates, had visitors, received phone calls, etc. In my insecurity of trying to fit in and figure out a way to be liked too, I chose to give my virginity away one drunken night at a frat party…and then slept around at the next party…and the next.
The good news/bad news is that destructive behavior of trying to fit in and “belong” only lasted a month, because by then I was throwing up and obviously pregnant. I love my teenage daughter with all my heart and am so blessed to have her and an amazing man who married us both when she was three, but I never again want to change who God created me to be and compromise who I am just to fit in and be “accepted.”
My parents divorced when I was ten and I accepted Christ at 15 years old.
A side note, I would probably not be here today without Jesus. Thank you Lord.
Anyway, insecurity sideswiped me when I had my first real boyfriend. After having an absentee father who left our family and moved halfway across the world, and a mom who thought that ONLY a new man could solve her problems – I was starving for love.
My boyfriend convinced me through my insecurity that I was only worth loving if I gave in to having sex with him. I was a believer, I knew right and wrong and that God did not want this for my life but insecurity sucked me in and I learned one of those lessons you can only learn by going through the valley.
That was almost 20 years ago. I’m married with four kids and I still have regrets for giving into that insecurity. I’m hanging onto Him though. In the end, I am thankful for the journey and I’ll keep repenting and learning.
Insecurity has been such a nuisance in my life! Where do I start?
How about the time I didn’t go to my Senior Tea, a graduation function, because I was afraid I wouldn’t know which fork to use?
Or when I dropped out of community college for the 2nd time (because I had no idea what I wanted to do!) and didn’t tell anyone ’cause I was afraid of what others would think?
Then there’s the many times I lied to my husband about purchases I’d made, early on in our marriage, because I was afraid of his reaction? The many times I pushed him away, because life experiences had taught me “Men don’t stay-not for me anyway”? (Praise GOD my husband is made of stern stuff and never gave in!)
Not to mention the many, many times I said something stupid or hurt someone because of insecurity.
Or the more recent insecurity battle: fearing GOD will draw back from me because He’s angry with something I’ve said or done? Will he answer my prayers? Am I doing enough for him? Is my quiet time right enough to please him? Why would he want to meet with me when I make so many stinkin’ mistakes anyway? Do I love him enough to make him happy?
Praise Jesus, The ONE And ONLY for setting me free! Ah… sweet freedom. Now I may be insecure at times, but it just doesn’t rule over me. I just hold onto my FATHER with one hand and my SAVIOR with the other and push through. Recently, the Father has been teaching me about His love. What real agape is. That it’s my love he wants before my acts of service. So precious. Oh how I love My Beloved.
Mercy and Grace abound to me~and I am free indeed.
I’ve just “browsed” the first 200 responses. I’m just crying out to Jesus right now for all of us!
I’m not even sure where to start.
Background – saved at an early age, sporadic church attendance, NOT discipled really ,though. Was the chubby kid through elementary, but had great parents and family who offered a lot of reassurance. It’s just that the bad stuff you hear from your peers is just easier to believe I think. So I thinned up by jr. high. Became the cheerleader, smart girl – but not athletic, really – popular enough, though. But I never saw myself that way.
By 16 I was dating and not only did I become sexually active, but engaged. Praise God, He opened my eyes to that stupidity- My mom had been raised with that as her ambition and was married at 16, 10 months later was a mom, so I sort of thought that was what you were supposed to do.
Next I fell “in love” with the football star. But still thought of myself as a good girl, so didn’t have sex with him for a whole 3 months until I thought he was really serious about me. That was a Saturday. Monday I found out he had been cheating on me with another girl (who was also incredibly insecure!) After that, it just didn’t seem to matter anymore, so I slept with every guy I dated for any length of time.
When my parents divorced when I was 18, my world absolutely spun out of control. I found out my dad had numerous affairs. As the girl who always had friends envious of my ‘perfect’ family I was devastated. I started drinking and had several one night stands. I ended up pregnant and at 19 had an abortion. I was just too afraid to tell people I was pregnant – even though I knew abortion was wrong.
After that I started dating a guy from high school who had little spiritual background(I was in college and became a very successful professional – one way to battle the insecurity) We married when I was 20. We were okay for a while, but it didn’t take long for him to start cheating on me. It was one of those things I knew intuitively but couldn’t really prove.
As a result of trying to have our second child, the doctor put me on a diet. I lost 40 lbs., felt pretty, and I ended up having an affair with a ‘Christian’ man. I rationalized that relationship a bajillion ways but always knew it was wrong. He told me he loved me and I believed I loved him, but he didn’t want to lose his children. I even would pray and ask God to somehow help us be together. (Can I just stop the story long enough to say, “what an idiot”. So often I look back on that and say, “WHO WAS THAT GIRL?”)
When my lover began to not pay as much attention to me as I would like, I got his attention by flirting with ANOTHER guy and ended up meeting him for a one night stand. So, within a few weeks of that…I get pregnant, but with who’s child?(I want to throw up just remembering this stuff.) I had a second abortion. Let me just say that when I passed out on the table, I believe I witnessed some of what hell will be like. Horror movies don’t do justice to the faces of the demons.
I finally broke off the affair by nothing short of the Holy Spirit’s intervention. My husband and I eventually had a second child. When she was just a few months old, my older daughter who was 8, accepted Christ. THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING. She had been at VBS. When she told me, I cried and literally hit my knees. I began to seek the Lord and became a new creation. Unfortunately, my husband really was uncomfortable with the new me (go figure) and asked me for a divorce. Here is where the story changes, though. Shortly after the divorce, my younger sister moved in with him. (Yes, I live at a quaint little place called Dysfunction Junction, in the subdivision of JerrySpringerville.) I found out that she and he had been having an affair for who even knows how long. While soooo hurtful, and very weird, I was not sent reeling from the revelation, and God has restored and is using me in ways I can’t even begin to tell you. Even in loving my little sister without approving of what she is doing (8 years into the deal now – living with her sister’s ex-husband, not married, warping her nieces – think she might have a few insecurities of her own?)
One other thing – I STILL struggle with wanting people’s approval – I’ve spent WAAAAYYYYY too much on clothes, makeup, bags, etc…’cause I didn’t have the nice things when I was a kid. I have to really stay in prayer over this whole human approval thing.
Just this week we started the Esther study (I’m not the leader who blew that poor sweet thing off about the blog!!!) One of the older saints in our church who has come to several studies didn’t come to this one or the last one I facilitated. I had just about worked myself into a frenzy about her not liking me. Turns out she started teaching Sunday School again and was afraid she couldn’t keep up with the homework. Good grief.
Okay, forgot to post Anonymous! Egads! Amanda, can you delete my name without deleting the post? You have my permission, sorry! I worked so hard on that too! Thanks!
Picture this . . . a 5’2″ 110lb college junior coming back to her apartment around midnight after working until close at the university library. The apartment complex takes up several blocks and is not in the best area of town. She has to walk across a large grassy area to get to the back door of her apartment building. She turns off the ignition. She reaches into her pocket to ready her pepper spray. She turns the headlights off. She quickly locks and then slams the car door and begins her trek across the yard. She walks quickly turning in circles with her arm fully extended finger on the pepper spray. Halfway through the yard she gives a test spray . . . just in case. She finally reaches the door. Her hands are shaking as she desperately shoves her key into the lock. Her journey is not over. She takes the stairs two at a time, again rattling her key into the lock. She is finally safely inside her apartment.
I’m sure I gave some of the neighbors a good laugh. If anyone ever saw me trapsing across the yard circling around with my pepper spray, I’m guessing they weren’t feeling so safe!!!
Growing up, I only felt valued based on my appearance and my performance (on the basketball court or softball field). After a failed marriage in my early twenties (someone who was physically & emotionally abusive because I didn't live up to his beauty standards), I eventually met a nice, handsome man who seemed to like me. He was from a wealthy family and I was from a small, country town where we lived from paycheck to paycheck. Obviously,I didn't feel worthy of his love because I didn't have enough money. His mother wouldn't even let me step foot in their home because of my lack of social status.
This is very difficult to say, but I began embezzeling money from the office where I was employed. I was eventually caught and restitution was made. But not without many embarrassing, shameful interactions with people who I had worked with and respected, and who had respected me prior to this incident. Also, I had to confide in my parents because I didn't want my boyfriend to know. Twenty-five years later and much self-loathing that I can't seem to overcome, that boyfriend is now my husband and he still has no idea of the incident.
Inferiority has made a fool out of me in countless ways: loss of friends, a disappointment to my family, and certainly loss of self-respect.
I have long believed that insecurity and pride are the same coin, different sides. The problem is the focus on SELF above all else. When I think “I can’t do what GOD is calling me to do because I don’t think I’m good enough, pretty enough, or people will laugh at me, not like me, etc.” I am focused on myself, and I am also putting my opinion of myself above GOD’s, and that is just plain arrogant. If GOD calls em to do it, even if I am afraid, I need to trust HIS opinion of me more than my own.
So I will say that insecurity has made a fool of me every time I have not followed through on something I sensed the Holy Spirit was calling me to.
I honestly believe that the role of our earthly fathers in our lives makes an enourmous impact on our own insecurity as women. And, that does not mean only if our fathers abused us in some way, but also if he just did not value us in any real way.
My dad was and is a good man, and I know that he loves me. But, as a child growing up, he never showed that to me–never made time for me, never listened to me, never played an active role in parenting me in any way I can remember. He was present, but absent. As a result, I began to crave the attention and affection of boys in my youth and then men in my adult life. This led to many, many, many mistakes and sexually damaging experiences and situations in my life.
Over time, the Lord healed those wounds and finally helped me to not only forgive the men who had taken advantage of me, but also to forgive myself for allowing those things to happen.
I have prayed with and mentored many women since that time who have stories and experiences similar to mine, and one thing that I have found that has helped enormously in overcoming these wounds is to realize that we too often project the character of our earthly fathers onto our Heavenly Father. Somehow we correlate the two in our minds, and we believe that God also has no interest in us, that He is too busy, or that He simply is present but absent. I believe the first step in overcoming much of our insecurity in this area is first, forgiving our earthly fathers for their lack of “fathering,” and secondly, through scripture, take hold of a genuine understanding of who God is–and He is not the same as our earthly fathers.
I know that every time one of us makes a fool or ourselves out of our own insecurity, our Heavenly Father aches for us–much as we ache for our own children when they make fools of themselves before others. Can’t you just see Him there, willing us to come to Him, to know Him and to BELIEVE we are his–to finally stop believing what the world and what the enemy wants us to believe about ourselves.
Insecurity has driven me to every extreme in the book. Fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being unworthy, regret rooted in fear… You name it and I have experienced it.
Insecurity drove me to pretend to be someone I was not for the first – yes count them, 8 years of our marriage. I got the skinny on the ex-wife, ex-girlfriend and then I worked my head off “spinning plates in the air” trying to be the perfect wife/lover/mother/girlfriend/you-name-it… All the while I was dying inside.
I would emote regularly with high drama and histrionics – asking my husband, “Do you love me?” His answer was always, “Yes.”
My response: “WHY?” (And I did not want a simple answer. I wanted a bullet pointed list of reasons why he would not leave me.)
His answer… Always… “Because you are my wife.”
It was on then – let me tell you. I would keep him up all night crying, weeping and demanding reasons which he would never give me. Crazy – yes, scary – yes, Jesus’ love broke those chains for me… Now I have to choose Him everday and I am free.
Beth… I don’t know if this is wisdom or insecurity. But within the last three weeks I have learned my husband has been involved in an emotional affair (long distance/online) with another woman. I have asked for firm boundaries that he has agreed to… but right now as he sleeps, I am reviewing his cell phone usage on the internet to make sure that he has not called her again since I confronted her by telephone two weeks ago.
I just don’t trust him right now, and it hurts badly. Deeply…
I have run… not walked, but run to personal/pastoral counseling and all but demanded he seek marriage counseling with me. So far the answer is no.
I have confessed my neglect of him… I have done everything I know to do – and since this has been out in the open I have had his undivided attention, but my heart and my mind wonder if he is thinking about her.
This is so raw… i’m so sorry to put it out there like this. My daughter overheard us the day I found out the extent of their relationship and all but gave me permission to throw a wall-eyed fit… I said, “I must be gracious to him as my Lord has been gracious to me…” But, my flesh wants so badly to take up this violation and wear it around my neck like a badge – I’M WOUNDED…
It is a conscious choice everyday not to lose my mind over this and instead to walk in faith and humility trusting my Lord to untangle this mess.
Insecurity cows me into a victim mentality when I am hurt.
Insecurity and inferiority……a part of my daily life. I truly don’t know who I am without it.
I heard a song on a Disney CD yesterday that my daughter was listening to and the words rang true with me:
“Who is this girl I see, staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show, who I am inside?”
Beth,
I am seeing a very godly woman counselor for the overwhelming life of insecurity I’ve led. I would strongly suggest others like myself to seek godly counseling.
She is helping so much!
One thing I know is that those who have preyed upon woman and children and have abused us “It would be better if they were thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than for them to cause one of His little ones to sin.” Luke 17:2
Even in my darkest shame, a man used me emotionally and sexually, God was right there every second holding me. He wouldn’t let satan win!!!!!
God knows why we do what we do. It mainly comes from our childhood, The way our parents treated us. I was made fun of and had no one that loved me like I was supposed to be loved. So all my childhood through to adulthood I depended on God to be my Father, Mother, Best Friend, Husband and Protector.
God kept me to Himself every second and didn’t let satan destroy me. I praise Him so much and I am so glad and thankful He put a love for Him and a strong dependency and trust in Him.
Insecurity……….feeling everything is my fault, for not doing, or doing, for not saying, or saying, for not being able to make everything okay………. or not being okay myself. So wanting closeness in relationships, but shutting off if getting too close, for fear that they will really know who I am and I will not be enough…….. or good enough……….or strong enough………. or worth enough. Have lived so long like this…… But there is a song by Carolyn Arends that has really ministered to me—–“Big deal, so what, I won’t be the first to mess things up, big deal, its all right, at least I’ll know I’ve tried, Big deal, its okay…… I’ll get it right someday….. Such a freedom to know God is smiling on me and loving me, just as I am right now…….. and He really always has………. and always will……….
Insecurities are rooted in feelings of deprivation, as if there is not enough to go around, that everyone else will get their portion and none will be left for me. I remember this feeling since childhood.Insecurities have made me fickle, ambivlant, vulnerable and addicted. Most friends don’t believe I am so insecure, but I have had to search deep and get real honest with God about my need to please, my need for acceptance and my need to always be right. What an ego these insecure emotions have created in me! God has shown me that the actual thing I think is so weak in me – my feeling of worthiness – is in fact, the culprit of my selfish ego — I want to be accepted and appreciated by others at any cost. As God peels away the old self, I see myself letting go of these habits, but truly, they raise their ugly head all too easily. I have stayed in bad relationships due to insecurities, bad jobs, bad friendships, unhealthy coping skills, all because I did not believe that I was a child of the Living King. I did not feel worthy. People see me as a strong woman, but only lately — since I’ve let God be the LORD of my life, have I felt true strength — the strength to turn the other cheek, keep quiet, be humble, look for the good in the face of bad, see the love instead of the hate, find the beauty past the ugliness. God is the God of restoration, of renewal, and He wants our undivided devotion. For all those years, my insecurities in MYSELF left me so ineffective, so clingy, that I was a burden to myself and everybody around me. Now everyday I feel new joy from the Lord, everyday He draws me to a new height. Oh yes, I slip, I stumble, I tip toe around that pit now and then, but ladies, He will not let me forget what it was like to try to be perfect without Him. He has hemmed me in, and I am His. Glory!!!
Yes, Satan did lots of work on me and my heart. It got broken due to the loss of a special relationship that broke up way back in 1992, with no specific reason. So, unknowingly, I listened to the enemy for many years…
Unfortunately, Satan brought a great insecurity to me, which, in turn, caused me to become shy-er than I already was, and I became frightened of reading my Bible, much less checking out any “Bible Studies, whatsoever.” However, this was prior to my being
“dragged, kicking and screaming” [almost literally],to listen to the first session of your [Miss Beth], first online Bible study by a colleague of mine.
This is partly due to the church I grew up in [and, sadly, yes, it was/is a true Christian church]. I felt extremely insecure when it came to learning to even take my Bible off the shelf, much less having any interest in learning from It, outside of church, as we were taught that “only the pastors or the readers at church were allowed to read the precious and Most Holy Book.” It came across to me, that It was meant to be a “Holy Book” in which we placed birth and death notices in.
Thankfully, nowadays, that particular denomination has begun to encourage its members to study God’s Word, regularly.
However, once I tried out the first session of that particular online Bible study, I was “hooked” into wanting to learn more and more from It; praise God!
And, I have often thanked the lady who helped “drag me” into checking into that study, as it; along with lots of Godstops [many small ones, and 2 that I consider to be “miracles from God], and 1.5 more of your in-depth Bible studies, caused me to realize that there was a whole lot more that I was “missing” in my life, which, in other’s eyes, would have appeared to be “just great”. I had a job that I really enjoyed, and had a safe home to live in at the time. However, the Holy Spirit knew better, and kept trying to break through the walls that I had unknowingly placed around my heart. And, once Father God did “break through these walls”, I felt this Love that was like no other love. And, I knew almost instantly that it had to be God’s Love …
And, shortly thereafter, questions came rushing through my mind and heart. And, I came to realize that I “wasn’t good enough for Him,” and yet, I knew that I REALLY needed to find out what this
“thing that was missing in my life” was. And, thanks be to God for keeping after me, I found out that this “something missing” was not an “it”, but a “who”, namely, Jesus…
And, since it concerned me so much, I went on a desperate search for help. And, within less than 24hours, I was blessed enough to find someone who was able to help me figure out the answers that I needed to know, and this very humble, yet knowledge-able lady, brought me to accepting Christ Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior !
Hallelujah !!!
And, now, of all “crazy things”, the Holy Spirit has been using me to plant enough spiritual seeds into a handful of people, 2 older than me, and 3 younger; so much so that they sought me out to find out “what it was/is that I had/have” in my life that makes me feel deeply peaceful and as joyful as I can be, without even knowing that He really “has been working in my life” in ways that un-believers can somehow “see”, even though I still feel very shaky in my faith at times.
And yet, He, the Most High God, has allowed little ‘ole me, [just a babe in Christ, myself], to help lead these dear ones to salvation in Christ Jesus! What a turn-around, hey?
And, I still cannot stand to not be trying to learn new things from God’s glorious Bible !
What a magnificent God we serve !!!
=)
Insecurity — oh, my what this emotion has caused me to do.
Most recently, I allowed my insecurity impact a friendship that was, for lack of a better term, toxic.
As her comments to me became more and more mean and spiteful, I
made more excuses for her bad behavior. I was so afraid of losing her friendship — but then it wasn’t really friendship, was it. When I finally broke free, she showed her true colors. Sadly, this insecurity caused me to miss out on some awesome stuff the Lord had happening for me.
I still deal with insecurity, but I’m learning to look to God first and pay attention to those red flagw
Insecurity is… the maddening agony of LOVINGLY “giving of yourself” to your husband who would rather sleep elsewhere for over a year due to supposedly PTSD/midlife crisis. Being in constant prayer all in dire hopes that you are living in God’s will to “stand firm” for your marriage/family and not being made a fool of. Praise GOD for His everlasting peace.
When I feel insecure I can’t stand silence so I talk and end up regretting what I say. Talk about putting your foot in your mouth. And then I think that everyone knows that the reason I spoke up was that I felt insecure so then my insecurity grows even more. A vicious circle.
I check my husbands ex-girlfriends myspace, to compare families. I try to stay away, but sometimes I can’t. When she posts new pictures, I look. It’s stupid.
It’s made a fool out of me more times then I care to remember. Due to sexual abuse I suffered as a child, I grew very insecure about things. I don’t have a boyfriend due to my MAJOR insecurity issue in that part of my life. I don’t have many friends due to the insecurity that I about who I am as a person.
Wow. I’m deeply touched and can totally relate to some many of the comments. Seems like there’s many of us that need some serious guidance/healing via the Holy Spirit on this one. I’ll try to make this brief. Insecurity has effected my whole life and continues to do so. My parents were divorced when I was young. My mother was a believer (dad was not), she was mentally ill, died from cancer when I was 11 yrs. old. My father went from marriage to marriage, most of which were extremely unhealthy. There was no structure, no security, no peace, and no Jesus in my life during my childhood. I was suicidal, depressed on and off, searching for love in places I shouldn’t have been, and it’s truly the grace of God that I’m writing this. I married my high school sweetheart, been married for 15 years and we have 2 kids. I was always extremely controlling and have improved in this area, but still would like to do better. It hit me recently that it was probably partially due to my instable childhood. I came to Christ only 2 years ago. I’m at this “in between” point in my life and feel like I can’t talk to my old girlfriends about things because they just don’t understand (I want to get counsel and confide in people who are believers), and I feel shame/embarassment/insecurity with people I know in my bible study/ church. My whole environment outside of my church is unsaved. EVERYTIME I go to my small group weekly bible study, I am driving home in the car beating myself up saying “Oh, I shouldn’t have said that.” OR, I hope they didn’t take offense. This is one area of insecurity; I have others. I know I’m a new creation in Christ. I don’t know if this is just me having the problem, if this is spiritual warfare or what. I pray about this, yet it continues to creep up from time to time.
I went to college to be a music teacher/choir director. I went through the music ed program. I got all the way to student teaching, and was shot down by my supervisor from the university, telling me that my music skills were not strong enough, and I should just graduate with out the education degree… which is what I did… with a bachelor of arts with a music emphasis.
Though I have musical talent, love singing and worshiping God, I have been afraid to use my musical skills at all since then. I have been too insecure about them, because I felt shot down by “someone who would know” whether I was really talented or not.
I was finally talked into singing special music for church, and after a lot of urging, became a part of a worship team.
I have helped play the piano when our usual piano player is gone, and helped lead worship from there, when asked. But have made myself extremely sick over doing it, because I wanted to be perfect.
Any time I screw up, make a mistake, say something wrong or do something wrong when I am singing or playing, I beat myself up, become withdrawn, and shut down.
These past two years I was encouraged by our minister of worship, and our associate pastor to help out by being a leader of one of the 4 worship teams we have. I refused a couple of times, siting being too busy, and having young kids.
I finally have started leading one of the teams. I am trying to be perfect at it, but I can’t. I feel my skills aren’t strong enough to help lead our congregation in worship. I am afraid I am “in the way” of what God is wanting to do. I seek friends assurance and approval and advice. Then kick myself for being too “needy.”
I have been gifted by God in the area of music. Because of my experiences in college, I am fearful of using it. I am afraid I am going to do something wrong, and it has almost immobilized me at times. I know that God is working with me on it. I know that I don’t have to be this insecure about the skills that God has given me.
I am leading my team again this weekend. I am still scared about it. I am trying not to get too twisted up in knots. But I am obsessing about the power point words for the congregation, what I am going to wear, what I am going to say, if I should pray, should I read scripture…
Every time I find myself obsessing, I am trying to constantly give it over to God. He is helping me through it, and I am getting better each time I lead. I am praying that this week I will actually be able to worship as I lead, rather than be so focused on technicalities and how I am doing that I mechanically sing rather than truly engage my heart in worship.
Any prayers for this weekend would be hugely appreciated…
Thanks so much for this Beth!
First serious boyfriend I had, ever… was after I became a Christian in college.
He seemed the perfect Christian guy… except within a very short time, we started to get physical. We didn’t go all the way, but that was only by a technicality. We dated for the whole school year, and by the following summer I knew things were getting worse between us, but I was so insecure about how I looked and my value at all (though I was a Christian, I was a baby, and didn’t know who I really was in Christ) I didn’t want to let him go.
There was another girl “waiting in the wings” to date him that he made me very aware of. Finally at the end of the summer I broke up with him (finally got the back bone to do it). But the weekend after that, I spent some time with him, and was so desperate for love, that I slept with him. Afterwards he told me that the “girl in the wings” was #5 for him and I was #6… as I was still in the bed with him.
Talk about being humiliated. As soon as we got home, I hid for days.. but it took me a whole year to get over him.
My whole life was marked by insecurity … only just now learning to see myself differently in my 40’s.
Here’s the first foolish thing that came to mind.
Insecurity at 16 years old led me to make out with a total stranger in public at a reception full of adults in the room–including my parents! No conversation, no chit chat … just right to kissing. Yikes!
Oh how I longed to be wanted.
My insecurity has had such a profound effect on my life in spite of the fact that I pretty much behaved myself and avoided sexual sin and other overtly destructive behaviors. Coming from a healthy, loving Christian home should have given me a very secure heart, right? Battling with weight issues (always a ‘chubby kid’)perhaps laid the groundwork, but there has always been a nagging fear that everyone else around me was so much ‘better’ than I was. Even in my successes, I secretly wondered how long it would be before people discovered that I really wasn’t very smart or talented.
The insecurity extended to how I believed God actually saw me – and that He must, therefore, love the missionaries/speakers/singers/more talented/thinner/smarter/prettier, etc. more than He loved me. Such a secret belief to carry around – and most of the time I didn’t even acknowledge it because I could hardly bear to think about being inferior in the eyes of the God I loved. This has kept me from using my spiritual gift of mercy the way I should have – ‘why would someone want ME to comfort/care for them?’. It has caused friction in relationships (from my defensive reations), tension in my marrage(as I look to see if my husband really thinks I am worth working things out with), and discontent in my heart. I am beginning to see myself the way God says in His Word that He sees me – but what a deep, difficult, and intimate process it continues to be.
In college, I was dating who I thought to be the love of my life for 2 years. He broke up with me because he wasn’t ready to have a serious relationship at that time in his life (understandable, but I was devestated). Being insecure, I broke into his email account to see if he was seeing someone else. I was coming up with all kinds of reasons why he’d break up with me OTHER than the truth he’d told. He could tell I was in his email and that ended any chance of us ever reuniting down the road as planned. 10 years later I still regret it.
I think insecurity rears it’s ugly head more often than I would like to admit. So often I am pulled into a conversation that I should walk away from but end up laughing and gossiping with co-workers because I seek their approval.
As a young youth pastor’s wife I was so nervous when my husband and I were asked to be chaperones at the high school’s homecoming dance. I wanted to be looked on as being cool, so I made sure my dress and shoes were cute…and of course I worked on my hair. The 80’s were the days of big hair, and I really wanted to be sure my hair stayed ‘big’ all night, so I used extra hairspray…in fact I used way too much extra hairspray that night. How did I know?…well instead of getting admiring glances and compliments I was the recipient of many disbelieving stares and questions like ‘Is your hair wet?’ or ‘What did you do to your hair?’ Oh’ the things we do to make others think we look good!
I didn’t realize that insecurity was effecting me until the Lord brought it to my attention. He showed me I had a tendency to “hold back” planting good seeds of kindness, love and grace b/c I was basing what I was going to sow on what I preceived other people’s body language to be. I had so much love and kindness and generosity to sow but I walked thru life barely doing anyone any good b/c I was basing my actions on their actions. I now realize that we don’t base how kind we are to others by anything anyone does. Our job is to sow good seeds wherever we go and by faith we know that good seeds will one day produce a good harvest. I never want someone else’s disinterst ever cause me to act disinterested. I love people and that love comes from God. If He is going to pour love into my heart then I am going to share it!
Insecurity made a fool out of me throughout my entire life by constantly wanting the “highlights” not the reality of other girls’/womens’ lives instead of enjoying the life I had/have:
Examples : When I was younger-teen age years to early 20s- physical looks-(skin, hair, and weight) clothing-(brand names-the clothes everyone had to have), friends-(the girl everyone wanted to be friends with), relationships-(wanting to be the girl every guy wanted to date)
Now that I am older: mid-20s throughout adulthood: the “perfect” home, “perfect” career, “perfect” husband (marriage), “perfect” children, “perfect” body,”perfect” relationships with family and friends, and material wealth.
Learning how to be happy for other women insteading of wanting the “highlights” of what I thought others had. Spend so much of my own life feeling I didn’t measure up to these unrealistic perceptions instead of forming “real” relationships with “real” women.
Ok, in my years that I chose to WALK out of God’s will, I became a jealous rage of my husband and one of his co-workers. I set-up a camera underneath our bed in the bedroom and recorded his conversations, I stalked her different hours of the day – SHE NEVER KNEW, and finally, i ended up going to her grandmother’s house and laying the law down to her. She was like HUH? I was the one that was making SOMETHING outta NOTHING. Talk about “ACTING A FOOL” – total fool light came on over my head. It was just my immaturity and INSECURITY that was causing me to be foolish. My husband still laughs about me being “inch high private eye” 9 years later!
I so desperately wanted a relation-
ship with a guy I went to high school with. We were dating but then he just stopped showing up when he was supposed to get me. It was always for a work reason so I accepted it. Sounds innocent enough? Yeah, he worked in computers and told me he had a client that was "connected" that was mad at him and that he was being chased. HOOK, LINE, & SINKER. So here I was praying for his safety…..Yeah, he was out with someone else…..his fiance.
I listened to Thorn in the Flesh a little while ago and realized what one of mine is………
For some reason God has seen fit to bless me with a ridiculous amount of insight and wisdom. It’s great when I am studying and He is speaking to me so clearly. It’s not so great when I can tell if someone really likes me or is just tolerating me. Now, I can accept that not everyone is going to love me or for that matter even like me, but it’s not good when you get insecure over it and obsess with wanting to know why and how you can change their mind.
Insecurity is what caused me to take my eyes off the LORD to begin with. I had ALWAYS been drawn to the LORD as early as I can remember living. I would hitch a ride to church with ANYONE that was willing to take me – neighbors, cousins, my brother’s girlfriend. I had a CRUMMY home life with my mother – she dealt with insecurity, battled depression, loneliness, etc. which led to a very bitter and abusive mother to me. Homelife was very scary and really hard. I CLUNG TO THE LORD. Along came this “bad boy/cool guy” that I was so drawn to – but mom said NO. The only other option was nice church boy – so I dated him all through high school and was so insecure that I couldn’t ever let him outta my sight. Needless to say, I was really young in my faith – we married – I was 20 and he was 23. BABIES I am telling you. He came from a very stable homelife – well educated and had grown up in the church. I was in church most of my life and ALWAYS drawn to the Word. It would just STAND OUT ON THE PAGE TO ME LIKE SOMEONE WAS SHINING A SPOTLIGHT ON IT. I KNEW THE WORD – DO NOT DIVORCE. As our marriage went on, he became more and more involved in his work and his other duties such as volunteer fireman and he had his friends that he built clocks with. He had all the security he needed – I on the other hand didn’t have a clue as to who I really was. We were both leaders in church, Sunday School teachers, choir, you name it – we did it. All of our vacations were spent on youth trips – leading them. Except – I was screaming on the inside – I needed a husband that would lead me. He was away from home working out of town a lot and I started flirting with the cute guy in another dept and one thing led to another and lets just say – I WAS HAD by the devil himself. IF ANYBODY IS READING THIS – please hear me – THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT GOD NEVER INTENDS FOR YOU SWEET ONE – AND THAT IS DIVORCE. Do not listen to the head games the deceitful one will parade in front of you. HE IS A LIAR. After having the affair with the cute guy that PAID ME SOME ATTENTION, I realized I meant nothing to him. Then along came the guy that my mom FORBID me to date in high school. I figured that I had already cheated on my husband — what was one more – I might as well go ahead and see what he was about. IN OVER MY HEAD – I KID YOU NOT. I left my husband, moved in with this bad boy/cool guy because his wife had just left him and he needed someone to HELP PAY THE RENT AND WHATEVER ELSE. The SHAME AND GUILT took over and I NEVER thougth that my husband could forgive me. So I opted to continue to listen to the lies that I was being fed.
Fifteen years later, I am married to this man who has verbally abused me, publicly shamed me, physically abused me, ALL because HE IS INSECURE. HIS EVERY BREATHE AND MOVEMENT IS GUIDED BY INSECURITY which causes GREAT STRESS in our marriage/life. I PRAY WITH ALL MY MIGHT THAT ANYONE WHO READS THIS HEARS MY PLEA.
However, God just happens to be in the restoration business. Know that I was pursued so heavily by GOD – everywhere I went. HE SHOWED UP with every bit of grace and mercy that He knew I would recognize. Many times I shamefully ran away thinking He could never have me back. The WORD I had grown up listening to and reading CONTINUED TO RESOUND IN MY HEART AND IN MY MIND. To my surprise, I WAS WRONG. He has loved me MEASURELESSY through the years and is putting me back together piece by piece. CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT LIVING PROOF MEANS TO me and my family. God has so worked through you on so many occasions. I AM SO GRATEFUL – still healing and still growing in God’s Word. It is my food – thank you LORD for never giving up on this hard headed child.
INSECURITY will steal from you what God so wanted to give you on a silver platter. Everything I ever wanted out of life – SECURITY, LOVE, KINDNESS, A WARM HOME ATMOSPHERE – I GAVE IT ALL UP because I gave into silly – unstable feelings that equated to the lies that I was being told. When Beth read a portion of Amanda/Curtis wedding vows – the part where he said to Amanda “I will fight for you” – I just bawled because he never fought for me. Willingly he just accepted what I was choosing to do – walk out on it all.
As you must already know, God’s mercies are NEW every day and this is a new day and as God would have it, my life is not over by any means and HIS Story – well, I plan to tell EVERYONE and ANYONE that has ears to hear. God has so blessed me with the most incredible gift of love and mercy when He gave me a baby girl and for her I will fight for her Father to come to full repentance as well as into a love relationship with the LORD Jesus. SHE deserves a GODLY Father and as long as I have breath in my body and prayers on my lips, I will pray these prayers for her Father over him. God has so graciously dealt with him and has brought him baby steps into faith and belief. Know that the abuse has stopped. Being grounded in the WORD and being obedient has created my confidence and security and KNOWING WHO I AM in CHRIST. Besides, there is no room for insecuirty any longer. I am confident that HIS Story will end greater than it started. It always does – He is the author of love, mercy, and grace and HIS story is not yet finished. Praise His name.
I found someone I highly esteem on FaceBook and wrote this person a thank you message because of an impact they had on my life. I was added to this person’s friend list much to my amazement. But because I don’t really “know” this person, they just had an impact on my life through a Divine connection, I am constantly insecure about being “defriended”.
Wanting so desperately to have the love from my father. I know he loved me, but he didn’t know how to show me. Instead I was emotionally abused by him and so was my mother. I was so insecure because of that. I wanted the love of a man and I gave in to sex because I thought that was what got a woman love.
I have been dealing with insecurity my whole life. In school, it was that all my friends were having a get-together and I wasn’t invited. Now, can you believe, I actually worry about that same thing, except it’s my children’s friends?! I’ve been dealing with major insecurity at work this week-feeling that I am way underqualified for the job I’ve been asked to do. My devotionals all this week have hit on trusting in God, but I’m still letting that ugly doubt rear its head.