You guys on our Scripture memory team were ON IT yesterday and I am so proud of you! I tried to wait up last night until I’d brought in 2000 comments but I was about 45 short when I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. In fact, picture your Siesta Mama in bed, head propped up on a pillow, dozing off over and over again with her fingers on the key board of her laptop. (I’d have never gotten away with that if my man had been home but, alas, he was not.) I finally shut it down and gave way to my dreams. Those of you on our Scripture memory team who didn’t get a chance to sign in and record your verses, be sure to return to yesterday’s first post and do so.
As for the rest of us, I hope we will have a very interesting topic today. Most of you will remember that I did a survey on insecurity several months ago. You responded by the droves and brought insight no amount of book research (beyond the Word) could have rivaled. God has stayed on me about the topic and I have a pretty good idea that He’s got something up His holy sleeve but I don’t want to make forecasts. I just want to keep taking the next step with His lead. This is the next step. I told you at that time that I’d probably look to you for more insight on the topic down the road and we’re officially down the road. I’m pretty sure this won’t be the last you’ll hear on this blog about it either.
So here’s the premise followed by the question. I believe insecurity has the capacity to make a fool out of a woman like maybe nothing else on the planet (except the devil, of course). This is especially true in relationships but it also rears its head in our work lives and our serving lives. My bottom line is that we better deal with this issue or these are the kinds of things it makes us do. If insecurity has never made a fool of you, then please don’t comment on this post, but if it has, let us know in a paragraph exactly HOW. Some ground rules:
*Make all comments ANONYMOUS so that I can freely use the information and quote it. If you don’t want to take the chance of being quoted or your story being told (on video or in print or at a speaking engagement), please kindly refrain from commenting. Keep in mind that I am blatantly asking for your examples for the expressed purpose of sharing them to help others.
*Think back all the way to middle school or high school or college or maybe think back only to yesterday. The more varied the examples, the better.
*I’m hoping for everything from serious examples of how insecurity can make a fool of a person to hilarious ones so don’t feel like, if your best story is silly, that it doesn’t fit the post. You know me! I love silly!
Somewhere along the way I’m probably going to do a post for men only so we can get their insight on insecurity, so keep an eye out on that. I’ll need your help enlisting them at the time. We’ve done that before on a different topic and it was so intriguing. For now though, it’s women only on this topic.
OK, Siestas, fess up! Has insecurity ever made a fool of you?
I personally have a hard time “really laughing”. I can’t allow myself to really laugh. Guess I just need to keep myself from being a fool to others. And then about a year ago, I watched a TV show that made me “really laugh” and I snorted as I laughed. Now I find when I laugh I snort, so I am even more afraid to laugh for being a fool. so trivial
I went from weighing 125 lbs to 250 because of my insecurities. It has definitely made a fool out of me.
With regard to Christian service:
I set out to use my gifts for my local church. I knew what God had called me to do, but in a meeting full of utter confusion, human feelings got in the way. Two people decided to speak for God, instead of dealing with the issues they supposedly had seen come up.
Instead of moving on, I spent a lot of time defending myself. Insecurity and questioning my own gifts, left me writing too many letters to too many who frankly didn’t care and wouldn’t address the issues anyway.
Finally God directed me to move on.
To work on forgiving (and it is work) but to move on.
I should have held on to what I know to be true, and done that right away, but insecurity caused me to want to defend, to say I did nothing incorrect in my service(and I hadn’t). If I had only seen how much better off I am now. I would have saved stamps, and saved myself from looking frantic.
There was no need, God has a plan for me and I am now confident in it.
I read through some of the posts, but not all. It sounds like most are from high school and college, so let me just say that even at 35 I do the dumbest stuff out of insecurity!! I have a wonderful group of Christian female friends, but let me tell you, I still get jealous if some of them hang out with out me!! And I know that is so stupid and ridiculous, but it makes me feel rejected. Sometimes I have foolishly commented on this, and they love me anyway but it is so embarrassing to know I am this immature even now!! I tell myself “grow up!!”
I was the “it” girl. Tall,thin, pretty,pure,cheerleader,homecoming queen,best dressed,etc. I became a christian at 18…then found “success” in ministry. I married the successful ministry leader right after college and headed to seminary. I was divorced 2 yrs. later. Why would God allow this? My anger towards God plunged me into the worst sexual immorality, drugs, and financial nightmare known to man. I even began speaking with foreign accents to maintain the mask of being someone I was not. The facade continued for about 25 yrs, until 2 yrs.ago when I attempted suicide. God miraculously saved my life. The masks have been shattered and taken off one by one. The road has been excruciating, but He is doing healing that is nothing short of a miracle. I am in the midst of trusting and believing God to save my 3rd marriage and to teach me how to be the mother I was meant to be. I have never known the true Healer in my 30 yrs.as a believer like I do now. You see,you don’t have to be shy,overweight,single, abused,etc. to be insecure. You just have to buy into the lie that you are somebody other than who God says you are. It is one of satan’s biggest lies…but not bigger than our God!
I overheard one woman pay a compliment to another woman on how classy her outfit was and nice she looked. I went and copied the outfit, and the first time I wore it and looked at myself in khaki capris and a black tank top, I wanted to gag. What looked good on her, looked awful on me, as I’m not a GAP kind of person and I have never worn khaki pants since.
I’ve danced around this all afternoon, however as the former reigning Empress of the land of Insecurity, I am compelled to share in hopes that someone will be helped. The biggest example that comes to mind is one Christmas when I was about 14 or 15. All I wanted that year was a birthstone ring (my birthstone is diamond). Christmas day came and there was a little box with my name on it. I was so excited to open it and find the perfect ring. There wasn’t time to have it sized before Christmas and my dad wanted to be sure it was there for me to open on that day. I was told that it would be sized and returned to me, so I gave it back. Long story short I never saw the ring again and it was never spoken of again. So when God the “Father” entered the picture I was (and sometimes still am) hesitant to freely accept the good things God does for me for because I’m always afraid He’ll take it back and I’ll never see it again. That goes for relationships, dreams and desires, goals… It’s kept me from doing more with my life. It’s gotten better and God and I are working on it. So glad He’s got the patience of…well… God! :o)
I’ve felt insecure most of my life, and have done many foolish things – I may supply a couple of different answers from silly to serious.
One that stands out – I was a fairly new Christian, fairly new mom, in a new church. I was so young, naive, and insecure about everything. My husband was in the military, stationed overseas, and I was a member of a “couples” Sunday school class when Valentine’s Day rolled around.
Since I was the only “single” in the couple’s class, I volunteered to cook the special banquet dinner for about 50-75 people. I had NO EXPERIENCE cooking for that many people, but assumed (ahem…) that I could handle it.
The class bought beautiful bacon-wrapped steaks, baked potatoes, and fixins for a tossed salad. How hard could that be? And of course, I wanted no help – I could handle it.
I tossed all the steaks in the broiler of the fellowship hall – about a hour before they should have gone in.
The baking sheets were monstrous, and I could barely move a loaded one by myself. When I pulled one out, grease splattered, a fire grew, the smoke alarms went off. Thankfully, the fire stayed in the oven, and the only bad outcome was leathery meat. But the story circulated for months, and always brought a great chuckle to everyone. I just wanted them to like me.
Now, years and years later, I can honestly laugh about it, but for many months after it happened, I was so humiliated.
How much insecurities have kept me from accomplishments and enjoying God’s best in life is something God Himself only knows. Everything from education goals to relationships with others (especially my children) and ministry opportunities have been affected. That ever-present and unceasing false system of reason has been a constant companion to a major degree and repeatedly imprisoned me to the point of exhaustion and total foolishness.
Enter Jesus–Who with His grace and truth, ease of freedom and precious Holy Spirit is renewing this shackeled mind, replacing the false system with that which is utterly and altogether lovely. Am I “prone to wander” toward what is still a familiar path of insecutity? Absolutely, but with a greater hesitation than I have ever known. I am more secure now than I have ever been and able to recognize His praise-worthy Self everywhere. Incidentally, Scripture memorization helps abundantly, doing exactly what it is supposed to do with an insecure mind! Renew it!
In addition to my earlier post, The person who thought she was the most insecure person there every has been…What I am struggling with still, is relating to people at church. I feel strong and secure when it’s me and God. I have confidence and security. When I get around people, work isn’t so bad, but just plain friendships at chruch seem to weaken me. If I’m around people too long, I start feeling worse about myself. My church is full of insecure people who can be hurtful and there is alot of competition in ministry, and an overwhelming lack of encouragement. (My church is abnormally abnormal. We don’t attract healthy people). I have compassion for them, but have to keep a distance, because I too am insecure. I’m more of a people pleaser who is “too nice”.
I really want to leave, but God’s not allowing it. My husband is in leadership.
I just keep doing your bible study’s. Only 7 or 8 women will come out of 75. I can see my church is a huge ministry opportunity to help and teach insecure women if I could break through to them, but I think my own insecurity is in the way.
Sometimes you don’t know if you are really the insecure one, or it’s someone else’s insecurity you are blaming yourself for.
Just thought I’d let you in with my head and it could help with your next study.
Ok, so unfortunately, my example is more recent. As background, I’ve used my gift of singing to help in leading worship since I was in high school. Yet this gift from the Lord has seemed to cause more stressing than blessing in my life, let me tell you.
We attend a larger church now, and it’s been hard to get into the music ministry as there are many talented people in our church. Well, a few months ago the worship leader found me in the halls and said he’d heard my husband was a good singer (which he is, but he’s never used it in ministry). I confirmed what the minister had said, but sad that it wasn’t me he had heard about, I added that I too sang. He asked if my hubby would like to sing during the service sometime. I told him that I’d talk to my husband, but said he was currently teaching Sunday School and wouldn’t be able to serve at this point in time. The minister then proceded to ask if I’d like to sing this coming Sunday. I was floored! Even though, it seemed I was sort of second best, of course, I would sing. Then I was nervous.
Well, that Sunday I sang. It seemed to go well, but I’ve never been asked back! There have been other new singers brought up front who’ve been asked back numerous times, but never me. I’ve even seen the minister in the halls at church, and he hasn’t said anything. It’s caused me on numerous occassions to struggle during worship at church. I just can’t seem to shake that I haven’t been asked back! And what’s worse, after complimenting one of the other new singers on what a great job she did (as she’s been asked back several times), I’ve mentioned that I’ve never been asked back and I don’t know why. How awful was that! It’s not her fault, but I definately put her in a tough place.
Anyways, there’s my most recent insecurity blunder. Insecurity definately makes me look like a silly child not getting her way sometimes.
Ho boy! Let me count the ways. I believe this to be a very important subject – insecurity among females; I’m ever so glad you’re taking it on, Beth! Throughout much of my life I suffered from a blushing phobia. Especially sitting around a table or feeling “trapped” in a situation where it wouldn’t be appropriate/convenient to hop up under the pretense of going to the restroom or back to the snack table, etc. Inappropriate blushing is very humiliating, whereas blushing when appropriate can be endearing. Ones self esteem suffers greatly, esp. when it’s with folks you must deal with ongoingly, such as coworkers for instance. The only recourse is to “pretend” it’s not happening, like ignoring the pink elephant in the room. Much prayer plus maturity (realizing “it’s not about me”) finally pretty much wiped it out. Not sure if I’ve ever shared this in depth with anyone to this day (other than Jesus).
Growing up an Army brat I never knew anything other than being insecure in every situation. I wanted to have friends and be liked (who doesn’t?), so from 4th grade on I thought this meant doing whatever I had to in order to fit in. That meant letting boys, and sometimes girls, talk me into things I didn’t really understand, but I didn’t want to say no or I thought I wouldn’t be liked. I thought sleeping with guys was what I had to do to fit in, so in high school I did. Mix alcohol in there and I was Queen of Fools – unfortunately, I still put that crown back on even as an adult. My insecurity led me down a path where I found myself 18 and pregnant and placing my baby for adoption (an entirely separate topic.)
I went on to get married and I have a great husband and beautiful children, but I am still so insecure in most every situation, especially with other men, and with being intimate with my husband. The saddest part is that I grew up in church, and was taught right from wrong, but my insecurity was so overwhelming and I never felt like I could talk to anyone about it. I’m 36 and I still feel this way. I desperately want to overcome this for myself and for my children.
Thank you Beth for your help!
When I was 15 years old I wore a new lime green and black plaid shirt and had lime green earrings to match. (sounds horrible now!) I felt so smart and snazzy. Then, in Biology class the boy behind me said, “Nice shirt, I can’t believe you actually wear that out in public.” Because of my insecurity, I never wore that shirt again and have not forgotten the comment.
Insecurity has made me do a lot of stupid things in my life. As a young child my Mom died and my Dad remarried quite quickly and began a new family. Although I never felt unloved, I always felt that there were conditions on the love I got. So as a young woman I set out to get love…any way I could. I wound up hurting myself and many others in the process. Praise Jesus that when I was 20 years old he reached out and saved me (for although I had been raised in the church, I was not walking wirh Jesus). He poured out his unconditional love into my heart and has healed me on so many levels. But as I was reading all of the stories on your blog and feeling so happy that I had been rescued from my insecurities, God hit me on the head and showed me my appalling behavior from YESTERDAY that was the result of insecurity. (lol I love my God so much. He never lets me get away with any pride…I am constantly feasting on Crow!) Just yesterday I had a meltdown at Bible study no less… when I realised that I was to have several older, well repected ladies join MY group. I felt unworthy to have them in my group and started in on all of the reasons why I should not be the one teaching. But I have claimed 2 Cor 3:5-7 and 1 Tim 4:12 and I will not let insecurity get in the way of the job that God has called me to!
I have dealt with insecurity since a young teen. Last year I met someone I now consider to be my best friend. Knowing she has my back in prayer and friendship is great therapy for my soul.
There are times though when I find myself falling back into old insecurity patterns. Like someone else on here, I sent a needy email to this friend one weekend.
Instead of condemnation, she wrote back saying “she was no longer going to have to worry since I was such a worry wort I worried enough for the both of us.” Not only did it make me laugh, but helped to open my eyes to how foolish I had sounded, not only in the email, but at other times too.
When I was huge pregnant with our first child my husband and I were at Sea World. I asked my husband to go see the Water Ski show. He said no. I kept on. Finally, he relented. We went to the ski show and lo and behold there were bikini clad women all over the place. I just sat there and cried. My sweet husband said, “I told you I didn’t want to come”. During the same pregnancy I called him at work one day only to accuse him of wishing he was married to his thin fellow employee…he totally did not know what I was talking about. I cried. Hormones and insecurity got the best of me on both occasions. It was not the best me, but it was memorable 🙂
Insecurity is the biggest weapon the enemy has used in my life. Sometimes he still succeeds in tricking me into believing lies, but praise Jesus for His kindness and mercy! He reveals the truth to me! I am so thankful my life is in His hands!
The biggest way I made a fool of myself was by allowing myself to stay in a very physically abusive relationship. He and I were both involved in selling drugs, too. I wanted to be loved so badly by someone that I stayed with Him. I left when he threatened our child’s life in a very scary way. She thankfully wasn’t hurt and since she was a baby then, she doesn’t remember it. About a year after I left him I became a Christian. Jesus has completely changed my life!!! It looks nothing like it did so long ago when I was in that horrible situation – and neither do I. I’m so glad I met him when I did. He was with me through everything – the childhood sexual and emotional abuse, my former way of life as a drug dealer, and all that physical abuse. He pulled me from the grave and made me new!
Today, I do still struggle with insecurity, mainly in the area of what others think of me. I always think they secretly dislike me or think badly of me. I honestly think most people would be very surprised to know this about me. Thankfully, the Lord is teaching me to battle lies with the truth. It is getting easier with practice. I love my life of learning and growing up in Him! It truly is an adventure – and I wouldn’t want it any other way!
We lived in North Dakota when i was in Jr.High. I had to walk to the bus stop and wait for the bus to come. In the winter it would be very cold, freezing! Many days below zero. You know so cold that your nose hair freeze! My mom would would insist that i wear long johns under my jeans but i would refuse. I was so afraid that i would get laughed at in the locker room at school when i had to change into my PE clothes.
Wow! Where to start…I have felt insecure for the past 23 years. It began in junior high. I started drinking at a young age. I want to fit in with my friends. I lost my virginity at age 14. That is one of my biggest regrets. I will not be able to tell my daughter that I saved myself for marriage. I thought at 14 I knew everything there was to know about love. I remember him telling me to call my best friend and tell her that I had “done it” first. Soon after entering high school, I met my husband. We have been together for 19 years, 12 of which we have been married. We had premarital sex for years. I wish I could say we waited. I have never felt truly secure in who I am until now. I have found it in the Lord. I am just thankful to say that in the last six months we have joined a church, I was finally baptized at the age of 35 after being saved ironically the summer before I lost my virginity. I am blessed to have 2 children that I am now raising to know God, something that my parents didn’t do for me. I wish I had grasped a hold of the security of Jesus years ago, but PRAISE GOD that it is never to late.
Blessings to you all!
I have my insecurity to thank for giving me a few completely unnecessary, but painful, broken hearts. Because I was so desperate to prove to myself and to the world that I was acceptable, I dated men with whom I was in no way compatible, and worst of all, convinced myself that I was in love with them. In retrospect I can see that they weren’t the type of men that I would have wanted to love me, but I couldn’t see that at the time because my self-image was so damaged by their rejection! The most frightening part of it all for me is knowing that if one of them had asked, I would have given him my hand, and it would have been disastrous–all because I needed approval so badly. Thanks be to God, He spared me from that, and in the end, He did the finding for me despite myself. (And what a PHENOMENAL job He did!)
Ok, so I have a silly one.
I was a freshman in high school and had a huge crush on a senior and really wanted him to notice me. Me and my friends found out where him and his friends hung out in the mornings so that we could always make a point to walk past them. On a very rainy day I decided that maybe if I dressed up really nice with some high hill shoes and walk by he would definitely notice me. Well, as soon as me and my friends came in from outside and began walking down the hall, of course my shoes were wet and slick and I busted it right in front of him with my school books flying through the air. He definitely noticed me, but not in the way I had hoped. I was devastated and so embarrased. I never walked down that hallway in the mornings again.
My insecurity was just screaming out for someone, ANYONE, to notice me. And, I was just crazy enough to follow it down some pretty foolish paths.
Insecurity has made a fool of me more times than I know a number for.
Even all the way up to yesterday. I HATE being insecure and I cry out continually to be strong in HIM. And He gives it to me…when I abide.
Honestly, the minute I pull away from my Abba, my security is the first thing to go. And Praise Him for it.
I hope He’s leading you to a full blown Bible Study in this arena, Mama Beth. I guarantee it would end up being one of your best sellers.
We moved around alot so i was always the new kid in school. I was very shy, insecure, and had a hard time making friends. When i started dating my now husband he was not a christian, I was. I was raised in a christian home. I knew that dating a none christian was not a good idea but as i said, i had a hard time making friends and he liked me. But when he started to loose interest i started to give in a little bit here and there physically until i gave in completely. I hated myself for it but also felt like that was the only way i could keep him. Well we did get married, he did become a Christian and we have now been married 25 yrs. But to this day i have regretted what i did. I guess i blame myself because i was the christian i should have known better but because i was insecure i gave in thinking that was the only way i could keep him interested.
I have a friend whom I am very insecure around. She has no idea I feel this way but she is a very mature child of God and it just seems that every time I’m around her I feel like I have to watch every thing I say or do. That she might not like me anymore because I’m not Godly enough or don’t say the right things. I know she would be so upset that I feel this way and I value her friendship very much but I have found myself not doing things with her or even calling her like I used to because of this. I know it’s silly and I need to let God work with me in this area.
I thought of something this morning from years ago. I couldn’t figure out why it came to mind, because it really didn’t seem that significant at the time. It must have been for this. Cause I thought of what I’d have done if I had had more confidence at the time. I was in a horse show and it was time to pass out the ribbons. Now in 4-H everyone gets a ribbon. It’s just a matter of what color. The lowest scores get white ribbons and the next highest reds and then blues. Of course if you’re really good you get a reserve champion or champion. We were all in a line waiting for our number to be called. There was one number that was called for a white ribbon that no one came forward for and it was close to my number but not my number. There was a boy in that class who really had it in for me. Always did and he suggested that maybe they wrote it down wrong and it was my number. I knew I deserved a better ribbon than that. I should have asked them to see if they had my number on there sheet anywhere else, but being too insecure for that I took the white ribbon and left the arena. That’s what you do once you receive your ribbon. As I was riding my horse around outside the arena I heard my actual number called and it was for a blue ribbon. I wanted so bad to be able to have that blue ribbon but in my insecurity I refused to stand up for myself. I don’t know if that’s a good example. It seems a little prideful in some ways, but I think I let that boy make a fool of me.
Prior to high school I was always the girl who had personality – to make up for lack of looks. So I read all the magazines, did the hair and make up thing and passed on mom shopping for my clothes, I was more than ready for high school. Strange thing is, regardless of looks and compliments coming my way, the old self-image still held the reins, so it was always a matter of time before boys got a whiff of the insecurity and boy did they take advantage! I wasn’t acting a fool, I was the real deal! 20 yrs after high school, I still have to be on my toes… and it was only through God that I learned that’s so not who I am in His Eyes.
Yes! I have really never had anyone throughout my life to put me down, all ladies and men have been very supportive of me, especially my family. But Satan makes me so very insecure in doing just minute things so that I’m a very indecisive person. It is hard for me to make up my mind about little things because I have this feeling as if I might be wrong, even though I know I’m 100% right. This is something God has pointed out to me and I’m trying to get better at recogmizing.
Insecurity made a fool out of me by so many missed opportunities. Due to my own perceptions of where I thought I would be in the areas of both my personal & professional life, also my physical appearance (mainly weight) I chose to isolate myself for several years especially after being hurt by others. Leading myself to believe that even though I had ALLOWED MYSELF to remain in defeat for several years after being hurt by a few, that EVERYONE was going to hurt me in that way. Working on being more trusting of others and less insecure. Studying and applying God's Word in my life these past six years has been beneifical in this "healing" process.
Oh, I have a funny story. When my husband and I were first dating, I felt right away that he was the one. However, I had a lot of family and personal dysfunction that made me insecure. I felt like everyone else came from a normal family. Ha, ha, ha – this makes me laugh now even thinking about that falsehood.
Anyway, I decided that I needed to "confess" to him all of my family and personal dysfunction. Don't get me wrong, there was a lot to tell. I reasoned that a person should know what they are "getting into" with me before getting serious. However, I was very afraid that he would literally run away from me when he heard the story. So I came up with a plan.
He had recently purchased this inflatable raft and wanted to go "boating". It was the kind that had sides and two oars. We took it to this nearby park that had a big pond and put out into the water. I waited until we were all the way out in the middle to spring my news. I did this as it took FOREVER to row this thing and I surmised that even with frantic paddling, it would take us 5-10 minutes to get back to shore.
He had just picked up the oars to rest when I said I had something to tell him. I then proceeded to unload all of my historical dysfunction onto the poor man – all at once. Being insecure about it, I felt this was a great sacrifice to tell him and risk his response. This now seems so self centered to me (smile) – I wasnt worried about how he would feel, just how I would feel!
Anyway, he listened to the whole thing quite faithfully and then told me he would need to think about it. We rowed to shore and a park ranger "pulled us over" to tell us that we had boated illegally as we didn't have life vests on. Oh, the humiliation.
And the ending? After a few days, my boyfriend/husband told me that he had thought about it and was sorry the whole thing had happened to me. And that he still wanted to date me. But that seriously – we (my family & I) were all crazy. Oh well, can't say he wasnt warned! Smile.
As a young girl in middle school… I seemed to “develop” a little later than others… other girls were having their periods and “growing” and I just didn’t seem to be where they were. I HATED changing in the locker room… I mean, I had NOTHING! haha! I was teased because I wore thick round glasses and just hated middle school all together. I can remember girls asking me if I had started my period yet and I would lie and say yes because I was so insecure and thought that I would be thought of as weird or “uncool” if I hadn’t yet. Which sadly would’ve been the case. Now… sadly… I am the EXACT opposite! The “girls” are definitely there now! Is this God’s sense of humor – haha!
In college… I didn’t really date a whole lot (I met my fiance the summer BEFORE my senior year) ALL my friends seemed to be getting married or becoming engaged and I felt LEFT out… They are all 1-2 years younger than I and I felt dumb. Like “why is it not my turn yet?” My fiance (then boyfriend) hated me feeling like this because he felt like he was being pressured (which I hope he wasn’t) But, to give you an example… I had 4 friends get married over a course of 9 months. The next year, 2 of my friends were engaged and married… All of that doesn’t matter now that I’m planning my own wedding for May. But, it makes me so sad that I probably missed out on a lot of happiness with my friends for feeling “unworthy” of marriage or engagement.
Another example… and this is recent…
My future sister-in-law is going to school for photography. I LOVE photography and always have. I took classes in high school and have always loved it. I don’t know or think she does this intentionally, but I know that she’s learning things that I don’t know. I feel like she thinks I’m dumb and that my “business” isn’t as good as hers. OH MY GOSH – so insecure. I’ve been doing this on the side now for a year. My fiance brings up things like “well, my sister does this, you should try this.” or “she’s advertising this way, you need to also” It makes me so upset and I withdraw and just think that I’m not good enough. That my fiance doesn’t think I’m good enough. I want to THRIVE in my business… not hide. Not compare myself to others!
In my profession, insecurity makes a fool of me all too frequently. I am a healthcare provider. I feel that I do care for patients in my office full out with the compassion of Christ. Occassionally circumstances dictate that I enlist the care of another physician outside of my specialty. This typically entails a phone call to the other physician in which I speak directly to him/her with details regarding the case. But to avoid the possiblity of sounding foolish when conversating with this other doc, I avoid the phone call at all costs! I may have my staff call them and speak on my behalf; I may type a letter and FAX or mail it; I may write out a script for myself before making the phone call (when I can’t weasel out of it)! I have used smoke signals, messages in a bottle, and satellite signals to avoid this interaction! Just picture your family doctor hiding under his desk when asked to speak with your cardiologist all because he doesn’t feel that he can talk “heart” talk like the cardiologist…that’s ME you’re picturing!!!
This is total fear of failure and insecurity! I am simultaneously disgusted and humored by this!
My insecurities from junior high & highschool still have an effect on me today. The glasses, braces, 80's hair and being sooooo skinny did not help the situation at all. Looking back years later, I should have stood up for myself instead of letting those people push me down. God has a plan for everyone's life and I can see why I went through all that stuff then. Still to this day I have insecurities from that time (especially when I went to the highschool reunion)in my life, but I am a strong woman now. Isn't it ironic that the people that were made fun of in highschool made something of themselves, while many of the others are still trying to find themselves? The people that truly know me know my heart and that is what matters. I have learned to let things go. For example, the other day I was walking to my car from work. This lady standing outside looks at me from head to toe and then gives me this look. You all know that look, like something is wrong with you. I just said "hi" and smiled as I walked by, instead of looking the other way and wondering what the lady was thinking. We live in a world in which there is so much emphasis put on the way we look (lookitis), dress (stuffitis), fix our hair (hairsprayitis), etc, instead of on the heart of a person.
My insecurities led to a co-dependant homosexual relationship – years in the building, for sure. In absolutely no other way could I be a bigger fool. I still battle tendancies purely from my insecure thinking and desperation for love – a lifelong process being healed by Jesus and my relationship with HIM with me.
He heals every area of my broken life every day – constantly reminding my restored life and hope in Him.
I have a friend at church who is “Stunning”. If you looked up exotic and beautiful in the dictionary you would see her face. When I first started going there I would spot her from across the room and head in the other direction because I didn’t want to be seen standing next to her!!! Well the very first occasion we had to speak to each other was when I tripped coming down the stairs and almost rolled over the top of her! You guessed it, she is as beautiful inside as she is outside and I am so proud to call her my sister! I told her not long after how I avoided her and she just laughed and laughed. I have to admit, there are still times I want to kick her! LOL!!!
Insecurity. . .something we never seem to outgrow. In some ways, I feel more insecure now than I did when I was younger (I’m 47 yrs old). Right now it’s a spiritual insecurity I’m battling. I feel like I don’t measure up in my parenting skills (I feel judged by Christian friends who don’t allow their children to do certain things that we allow our kids to do, etc). My husband and I are mostly on the same page in our parenting. We pray about our decisions and try to weigh them very carefully. At what point does a person REST in God’s leading in our lives. Why do I worry and fret about what others think of me, if I’m at peace with what God thinks of me? This continues to be a battle of insecurity in my heart/mind. I think it makes me a fool when I think of how many hours I’ve wasted fretting over what other’s think of me.
I’ve posted a couple of things on here that I’ve never confessed EVER and it feels so freeing. I just want to say thank you for this safe place and for this sisterhood. And thanks Beth drawing it out of me 🙂
So heartbreaking to me because the seeds the enemy planted in me at a young age truly ruled my life until about 5 years ago. I was surrounded by alchoholism and insecurity that my own parents held which continued with me and my sister. I too, was the class clown, wanting everyones approval(expecially men).I have gone through wearing so much make up and having on so much hair spray that if I even pull out the pictures from those days I can smell the Aqua Net! I wore very reveiling clothes, had breast augmentation surgery, and ran around telling people about the LORD (I’m so embarrassed) can I just go hide now? It led me into a terrible eating disorder at 15 and then at 30 landed me in a hospital. The last 5 years the LORD has had me study “Who I am in Christ” and “Pride” I still stuggle with having the perfect house when I have friends over and making sure I don’t put this same pressure on my children to be “perfect” but through Him I LOVE MY LIFE and I LOVE the woman that I am “becoming” because of His mercy.
Making a fool of myself because of insecurity is the most accurate description because it is exactly how I feel when I do this (these two are some of most common examples of how it happens):
For example, I am tentative when I should not be and overly talkative when I shouldn’t be.
I am studying for a master’s degree in health care, and we have to do a lot of skills demonstration in front of the class or clinicians. In those cases I can barely say a word, and as a result look stupid. While when I am in a group of people that I know and am comfortable with, I will talk their ears off and frequently monopolize the conversations, which is inconsiderate. I realize that I am doing exactly the opposite of what would be appropriate to do. But it is like a switch that only turns on to either one extreme or the other, and it only rarely is where it’s supposed to…
I am fully convinced that it is the Lord who is leading you to investigate the insecurity problem, Beth. It is an answer to prayer! I’ve been searching for answers and solutions for so long, but I think I have a certain type of blinders on that prevent me from being freed all the way. Thank you so much. I will pray that you hear the Lord clearly on this matter.
Insecurity has always played a big role in my life (and still does). I have always been overweight and I have some thick,curly hair like no other and always felt different from other kids growing up. I also came from a broken home. Because of these things, I always felt like I had to compensate to be like everyone else. I was constantly the worker bee, always hiding in the shadows cause everyone knows that’s where the ugly people belong. I never (still don’t) liked anything that brought me too much attention or focus. And please don’t think that it was because I was humble….no way! Just humiliated. Even now, with opportunity for some advancement in my job, I feel like I can’t do it because of having to constantly be in front of people and the spotlight being on me. I am so brainwashed on the fact that my appearance determines my worth that there are days that it is paralyzing….I am a slave to my insecurity.
When I was in high school I lived in a very modest house that was falling apart with plaster falling off wall, etc. I never let anyone in my house. If I was expecting friends, I stood at my door waiting to run to their car so they would not have a chance to come inside the house. One night while I was waiting for my friends, a car pulled into the driveway and I bolted out the door and flung open the car door. All the people inside the car looked at me in shock and one of the passengers said out, “We were just turning around in your driveway.” I had no idea who they were. I just said, “Okay” and I shut the door and ran back into my house. How embarrassing!
I have this constant anxiety about the house my man and I live in. Its never good enough and I have been so anxious about the situation for two years now. I started memorizing scripture about a year ago and I am slowly learning to take those thoughts captive. Praise the LORD!!! But, I think all of that roots from insecurity.
I was so insecure in my home growing up that I married at 19 just to get away from my parents. I love my man and he is THE BEST husband in the world, and he loves me to death… but its just that I only married him to get away from my alcholic dad and overbearing mom. I ask the Lord daily to help me love my man more. I want to love him with all my heart. All my decisions in life have been made because of insecurity. I want to be free!!!
Oh heavens yes!
I have acted the fool in relationships due to insecurity over and over again! I have made myself a slave to another person (agreeing with them about everything, doing any and all errands and dirty jobs for them, fawning over them, buying them gifts I know they would like)hoping to be indispensible to them…. and totally rationalizing and making excuses for them when they were rude to me. What a mess. Thanks be to God for His love which has made me free to love and serve others without any strings attached!
Yes, insecurity can tend to make me act like a fool. The funny thing is, the reason I’m insecure is that I’m afraid I will look like a fool whenever I do things. It keeps me from doing things that I enjoy greatly like going bowling or out to dinner or hanging out with friends. A lot of times I get so worried about whether or not I sound like a fool, that I start really sounding like a fool because I can’t think clearly. I’ve been told that this is called insecurity, or being shy, or self-conscious, but the way I usually label it is simply pride, though not in the way we normally define pride. When I focus so much on myself and what would make people think I’m cool it’s a form of idolatry, thinking about myself and who I am and what people think of me more than focusing on God and Who He is and how I can glorify Him through my actions. For me, the way to overcome insecurity is not to start thinking better of myself and my abilities, it’s to start thinking solely about God and what I can do to give Him glory with the abilities He has given me, and eventually perhaps, I will be able to see myself through His eyes, not in order to overcome insecurity, but in order to give Him praise and glory. Of course it’s easy to say all this, but I haven’t even come close to overcoming it.
I was in Auditing for ten years and every morning most of the group would get together in the Library (where the coffee pot was) for 10 to 15 minutes right at 8AM. Depending on who and how many were already in the room determined whether I could walk into the room. Why? I was too insecure to walk into the room and be the one everyone turned to look at and become the next topic of conversation. So I would sit in my office and act very busy, which sometimes gets taken as I was too stuck up to join the group. Then I would beat myself up mentally about not have the courage to join the group and speak up when I felt they were picking on me or someone else.
One time when I was very young and newly married my husband went to play basketball with his friends. We didn’t have cell phones back then and it got to be late. I was very mad / worried that he wasn’t home. I didn’t like being home by myself and although I didn’t think I would question what he was doing, I guess I did wonder. I got in my car and on my way to try and find him, saw his car at a local fast food restaurant. Poor guy, he was just eating with his friends after a game of basketball! I stopped at the curve, threw open the door and motioned for him to COME HERE NOW! You can imagine how embarrassed he was. (And if you knew my husband, you’d be doubly horrified! He is a very private person.)
I guess I was just insecure about him not wanting to be with me.
We have now been married for over 25 years and are very happy. We got over that night, but it still makes me cringe to think of how I acted.
We were studying “encouragement” and someone in my bible study said about why he doesn’t encourage others very well (His very words), “If I did, then where would that leave me”. I wondered about the things that I do or don’t do to love other people because I too, am insecure. I’m too busy protecting myself to pass a little more love around. When my insecurity makes me jealous of someone, I’m going to try and find a way to “diminish” them so I can be o.k. with myself. If I see something good in someone, my insecurity doesn’t want them to feel special for it because I’m not special. The result: Unloved people who walk around wondering if they matter to anybody, including me because insecure people find it hard to love back.
What happens when insecure feelings turn out to be true? For years I celebrated holidays with my husband’s family. I wanted to please them by being a perfect daughter-in-law. My father-in-law passed away a couple years ago and I was asked to care for my MIL who has Alzheimer’s. I answered without hesitation I would take her into our house but nine months later I needed help. I was thorn between my love for my husband and my health. When my SIL finally came for her mother she told her brother (my husband) that the family only tolerated me all these years. I had feelings when we all got together during holidays but nothing concrete, just feelings, how was I to know they hated me so. Why? Those insecurities turned out to be true. It is a heavy weight upon me to know that there are people who hate me.
I’m not sure how old I was when it changed (because I can remember my father dancing with me – both with my standing on his feet and with him holding me off the ground) but when my father decided I was no longer his sweet little girl, he went to an opposite extreme. Instead of being cute and sweet, I was fat, ugly, stupid… When I was 9 I remember my father reading my diary and telling me that if I ever wrote anything like what was in there again, he’d beat me. He never did beat me over my diary because I never wrote in it again, although he found other things. I stopped being allowed to think anything that didn’t fit within the confines of what he wanted and it was often tough to know exactly what he wanted. It made me incredibly fearful of anyone with any type of authority over me. Just seeing a police car parked in a parking lot could get my hands shaking… For a long time anxiety attacks were my almost constant companion. While Christ has gently and lovingly settled my heart and calmed most of my fears and has let me know in no uncertain terms just what He thinks of me (and none of it is negative!) I still worry about saying the wrong thing or “getting into trouble.” I can be very quick to get defensive and the smallest slight becomes a major insult in my mind. It has definitely made for some ruined relationships over the years. When I learned who my Heavenly Father is and learned who my earthly father should have been to me, I realized how wrong he was about who I am. It’s not perfect, there are still blips in my head but I can look people in the eye and if I have to talk to a police officer, I don’t want to cry (which is a good thing because I count a police officer and his family among my good friends).
OK here it goes. I definitely made a fool out of myself on this one. Had been married awhile and suspected hubby's unfaithfulness. The feeling went beyond suspecting to knowing but without real proof. Of course hubby denied any such thing. I prayed that God would reveal every hidden thing. God being faithful & true even if hubby wasn't orchestrated for me to find out.
Fast forward I now know who and where she lives. Hubby picks a fight as an excuse to get out of the house. When he didn't return for an extended time well pass reasonable bedtime I decided to drive to the woman's house. I found his car but didn't have the exact address. Foolish & enraged I knocked on several doors & ringing doorbells close to his car in hopes of confronting them. What I was going to say I hadn't figured out but was a woman on a mission, hormones, betrayal & anger rendered me blind to logic. Not a real smart thing to do ringing strangers door bells late at night looking my husband. Thank God no one called the police saying there is a mad woman knocking on doors looking for her husband. I never found him but had the seemingly brillian idea at the time to drive his car away leaving my car for him to find if or when he chose to come out. He didn't have the key to my car on his car ring I figured this would be priceless trying to explain since he thought I didn't know the truth.
I can heartily laugh now wondering what on earth was I thinking? Talking about making a fool of ones self in the name of love.
Thank You Jesus for watching over me and my foolish acts.