You guys on our Scripture memory team were ON IT yesterday and I am so proud of you! I tried to wait up last night until I’d brought in 2000 comments but I was about 45 short when I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. In fact, picture your Siesta Mama in bed, head propped up on a pillow, dozing off over and over again with her fingers on the key board of her laptop. (I’d have never gotten away with that if my man had been home but, alas, he was not.) I finally shut it down and gave way to my dreams. Those of you on our Scripture memory team who didn’t get a chance to sign in and record your verses, be sure to return to yesterday’s first post and do so.
As for the rest of us, I hope we will have a very interesting topic today. Most of you will remember that I did a survey on insecurity several months ago. You responded by the droves and brought insight no amount of book research (beyond the Word) could have rivaled. God has stayed on me about the topic and I have a pretty good idea that He’s got something up His holy sleeve but I don’t want to make forecasts. I just want to keep taking the next step with His lead. This is the next step. I told you at that time that I’d probably look to you for more insight on the topic down the road and we’re officially down the road. I’m pretty sure this won’t be the last you’ll hear on this blog about it either.
So here’s the premise followed by the question. I believe insecurity has the capacity to make a fool out of a woman like maybe nothing else on the planet (except the devil, of course). This is especially true in relationships but it also rears its head in our work lives and our serving lives. My bottom line is that we better deal with this issue or these are the kinds of things it makes us do. If insecurity has never made a fool of you, then please don’t comment on this post, but if it has, let us know in a paragraph exactly HOW. Some ground rules:
*Make all comments ANONYMOUS so that I can freely use the information and quote it. If you don’t want to take the chance of being quoted or your story being told (on video or in print or at a speaking engagement), please kindly refrain from commenting. Keep in mind that I am blatantly asking for your examples for the expressed purpose of sharing them to help others.
*Think back all the way to middle school or high school or college or maybe think back only to yesterday. The more varied the examples, the better.
*I’m hoping for everything from serious examples of how insecurity can make a fool of a person to hilarious ones so don’t feel like, if your best story is silly, that it doesn’t fit the post. You know me! I love silly!
Somewhere along the way I’m probably going to do a post for men only so we can get their insight on insecurity, so keep an eye out on that. I’ll need your help enlisting them at the time. We’ve done that before on a different topic and it was so intriguing. For now though, it’s women only on this topic.
OK, Siestas, fess up! Has insecurity ever made a fool of you?
I’ve spent most of my life being insecure about one thing or another!
My hair, weight, teeth, clothes, not being smart, or talented or funny…too many plates to try to constantly “keep in the air” like a circus act.
Whenever my mom would get “fed up” and leave for a few hours, I always felt like I had to make up for whatever was bugging her…so I cleaned and cooked and “behaved” when she came home.
I messed up in 2nd grade “reading” a book and have felt stupid ever since.
I never went to college because I was afraid of being stupid in front of really smart people.
I would always beg my brothers to get my salad at the salad bar for me when we went out to eat on Sundays after church. I didn’t want people to look at me doing anything for fear I’d make a mess, drop something or just look silly.
Guys were never really interested in me. I usually got my girlfriends hand-me-down boyfriends. (Case in point, my husband wanted to date my friend but she wouldn’t go out with him because she knew I was interested in him and told him so.) Soooo, he asked me out.
Much later, when he asked me to marry him I was afraid (due to my lack of dating experience) that he would be the only one to ever ask…so I said yes even though I wasn’t in love with him then. The fact that he loves me and has loved me very much and has consistently put up with all my insecurities has definitely contributed to our almost 30 years of marriage. (I’ve never told him any of this!) I do love him dearly and he is a wonderful Godly man. We have struggled through and have a really GREAT marriage. Maybe that initial insecurity about never being asked was a good thing in this instance!! 🙂
I still struggle though…with what other people think of me…I’m 47 years old for pity sake and I still want everyone to love me!
Thanks for the opportunity to share anonymously! I would never do so if I had to put my name to it!
My insecurity has caused me to do many foolish things throughout the years. When I was younger (age 15) I gave away my virginity to an older High School boy who I thought would “love” me for doing so. Wrong!!!
A few years back (8 years) when I had just joined a new Church and was a new member in the choir, some of the women that I most admired invited me to go out for coffee after rehearsal. Belonging to a Baptist Church was new to me and our family was not used to praying out loud. Well as the coffee and desserts came to the table they immediately asked me to pray before eating. I was scared that I would say the wrong thing and my mind went blank. I think there was silence for what felt like 5 minutes while I stumbled for something to say. I know I said something stupid and even made a joke during the prayer! I have no idea what that was all about–a joke. Who would do that! I went home in tears and told my husband that they would never invite me again. They didn’t. However, when one of the woman was doing a Beth Moore Bible Study she asked me to be a prayer leader. She told me that she always prayed before facilitating a study and she truly felt God was calling me to be a prayer leader. I have been a prayer warrior ever since. Is God not good. Those sisters who I went to Coffee with that evening have become some of my closest friends. When I told them about my insecurity about the “prayer incident” not one of them even remembered it. See what the devil does to discourage us!!
Because I lived in a house with an alchoholic parent – insecurity became my lifestyle. I never believed that my parents loved me. I thought that if they did love me they would stop the drinking. My father drank – my mother threatened suicide weekly when I was 8-12. All I wanted was to be loved and to FEEL loved. So my insecurity manifested into “flirting”. I “dated” at age 11 – was married at 17 [for 34 years to the same man – praise God – until he died]. But then even after salvation – I was a “subtle flirt”. I flirted with anyone and everyone who would give me a second look. I believed the lie of the devil that said – “in order to be valuable you must be desirable.” I carried that BOX [Pit series] with me always. I slept with it and petted it, and did not let go of it until about a year ago [for good] after God used your Pit series example to show it to me. Then – He had to pry it out of my hands and replace it with His TRUTH! Your Danial series session #1 – about a “Babylonian mentality” boosted God’s truth – and I have to say I have changed my clothes and my ways!!! I no longer flirt [even as a single person again] because now I KNOW where my love and value IS – it is in my Savior, Jesus alone! He is enough. The devil likes to attempt to bring it up again – but God and you did a great job defeating that lie! Thank you!!…. And His TRUTH lives on!
Yep, fool. I had sex with this guy that told me he was not having sex with me because he was getting back at his girlfriend. NOT! They had a fight. And, because I am attractive to him and he with me and lonely, I just let it happen. I think so little of myself and sometimes don’t care. Sometimes it’s just hard to care when you feel insecure. Take care of that insecurity first at any price.
I feel like a fool and feel like certain people are thinking “she’s acting like a fool” when I am vunerable because I fear rejection greatly. Sometimes I might want to speak to someone BIG in the ministry or my boss. What if I don’t ask the right question intelligently. They may look at me like I’m an idiot or think I am too needy or too personally. So, if these people look at me like I’m some bug then I walk away like an idiot or a fool.
UNBELIEF IN GOD’S LOVE, NOW THAT IS ACTING A FOOL.
Oh does this question bring back a memory to my mind! Never have I felt more the fool than I did my first day of Grade 12! You see I had gotten engaged that summer(the night before my 17th birthday actually). As summer progressed I realized two things a) I was way too young and b) this guy was bad news. So the night before I started my senior year of high school I broke up with him. Sounds good so far right? Well I had allowed myself to become so wrapped up in him and who he thought I was I had no idea who I was without him. I was a mess thinking I was worthless and had no value outside of this person. Here’s where I made a fool of myself… I got to school that morning to be told that the computer had randomly chose me to have my ‘perfect class schedule’ destroyed and it spewed out a new one that I had to follow. Well I burst into tears, ran to the principal’s office and begged him to put it back. He did but that didn’t help much. I cried all day at school and within hours after the school day ended had begged my boyfriend to take me back. I ‘lost’ my entire last year of school to this person. I can never get that back, all because I was too insecure to discover who I was without him. The story has a happy ending… I broke up with him for real 6 weeks after graduation, I never even picked out a wedding dress. God has blessed me with a wonderfully supportive man with whom I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage this summer and I know who I am now. But that day 18 years ago I was a fool who just about gave her life away because of insecurity and fear of the unknown. How gracious is our God that he protected me and renewed my confidence? Amen and Amen!
Ok, I’m insecure with my emotions. I act out to avoid feeling what I really feel. For example the anxiety builds up so much inside of me I burst out against whoever is closest, usually my husband or my kids.
I can relate totally to the woman who said she passed up her true love because of insecurity. I was so scared to feel my feelings that I ran completely in the other direction from the man best suited for me. Into the arms of the man I am now married to. Not what God chose for me. I know that God can and is honoring me for honoring the covenant I made with him and my husband, it has not been and easy road. Sometimes regret rares it’s ugly head.
This past summer we were invited to a BBQ and I was to make the dessert. Priding myself on being the neighborhood Bri Vandecamp ( desperate housewives) as the other’s have nicknamed me I had to make one of my very best. After a whirling day with a new baby and a migraine I had my husband go to the store and buy a premade dessert. I transferred it onto my plate and headed to the party. One guy at the party was going crazy over the wonderful dessert and simply said infront of everyone ” These are great! Good job!” to wich I said Thanks. And I felt the high of approval. If only my husband hadn’t chimed in ” they are from the grocery store”
I was made the fool!! and was caught. Why could I not have just said I had a crazy day and yes they are from the grocery store??
will I ever learn this lesson??
I can’t say insecurity has made a fool of me – it’s more like it has prevented me from stepping out to do many things, like:
-host a Bible study – who would come?
-have a party – who would come?
-invite folks over – what if they say no?
-approach a group of women – who would want to talk to me?
I think you get the idea. By the way, I am a married, successful business woman, that no one would suspect this of. Hope this helps.
I wasn’t cute and thin as a teenager. I’m still not. But as a young woman I just wanted to have a boyfriend and be “cool”. I often drank too much and on one occasion woke up the next morning sans clothes in a strange bed. Fortunately there was no one with me and there were passed out people everywhere in the house. I had to wake someone up to find out where my clothes were. Apparently I had gotten sick all over them. Great way to be popular! On another occasion of drinking to excess I allowed myself to go too far with a boy I hardly knew. It wouldn’t even be a year later, at 21 that Christ would save me from such a destructive life of needing to belong. I finally belonged to the only One who could truly make me feel beautiful.
I'm so insecure about this that I almost chose not to share it, however, after reading through many of the comments that the other siestas were bold enough to share, I've decided tell you.
It's crazy how insecure I am, but I feel like I'm very good at hiding it (I've had a lifetime of practice.) I'm very ashamed about it & I don't want anyone to know. I would never EVER share this with anyone face to face. I don't want anyone to pity me or to think that I just want someone to 'feel sorry for me' so I'm good at keeping things to myself. You all will be the first to hear of this.
To begin with, here's a little background. I'm in my late thirties & I'm single. I grew up with & still currently have, a dad that doesn't like me or any member of my family. He's never said he loves me & I've never heard him say it to anyone else in my family, including my Mom. I don't know if any of my feelings stem from that, but I sometimes wonder. Anyway, I have always had a mindset that guys don't like me. I've reached a point in my life where I really think there's something wrong with me because I'm not married. I know other people have wondered it, too. I have a friend at work that was telling her boyfriend about me (probably to have him to fix me up with one of his friends) & after she finished telling him he said "she sounds great, but why is she 38 years old & still single? Is she ugly?" She said she told him I was very pretty & then she said she showed him my picture & he said "WOW!, well, there has to be something else wrong with her then." I really want to get married & have children, but remember, there would have to be a guy to like me before that & that's not going to happen. Usually when it comes to guys, I run like a scared bunny. I don't want to feel the rejection that I know is coming. I've read many posts about siestas that have made the wrong decision with the first guy that comes along, but with me, I don't let them get that close. I already know in advance that they won't like me so I don't even strike up a conversation with them. If a guy starts the conversation, I don't say a lot in return because I'm so insecure.
So here's where I made a fool of myself. About 4 years ago, my cousin fixed me up with a guy to go on a date. –the last one I've been on, by the way– I was SO stupid to think that MAYBE this guy MIGHT like me that I went out & spend a ton of money on a new outfit, accessories, & shoes. I also had my hair & my nails done. Whan an idiot I was!! We had the one date & then I never heard from him again. That was so foolish of me to spend that money. I never told anyone how much money I spent & how much effort I put into that date. It makes me feel stuipd that I did that.
Beth, I have a college degree, & a very respected job. One would think that I should be able to take some pride in that. I have friends & family tell me all the time that I'm a wonderful person & one of the best people they know. That should make me feel good, right? Then why, oh why, is it that because I don't feel like I have a man that REALLY loves me, that I feel so worthless?
WOW! This subject hits right at home with me. My years in elementary and middle school were pure torment for me. I was a little boy crazy and received alot of attention from them, as a result of that girls were very mean to me and held that against me. I was given a reputation that I was not proud of. A very embarassing moment for me I’ll never forget was, for one week all the girls in 7th grade refused to eat lunch with me or play with me at recess. I sat by myself except for one little boy who probably felt sorry for me would come and sit by me for lunch. That reputation followed me alot longer than I would have imagined.
But.. Praise God, he used those girls in my life. I would come to find out through Beth’s Bible Study, Breaking Free! Satan had me believing all those lies that those girls were saying about me, and in turn saved me from giving it all away and saving myself for my husband. (I couldn’t possibly do what they were saying I was doing because then I really was what they said I was.)I never understood until God revealed this to me through the Bible Study. Those voices in my head continued through my marriage and affected my husband and I for many years, something satan I’m sure intended. But I now know the truth! Thank You Jesus!! I will not be made a fool of again in this area of my life with God’s help. My husband and I celebrated our 20th Anniversary this past summer and sorry satan but we are more in love now than we were 20 years ago.
This doesn’t sound like the rest of them but I tell it anyways. I have always had a fear (insecurity)of public speaking. Not just public speaking but even in a group like sunday school or just friends. It’s ridiclous! So, one time I was the team mom for my daughter’s soccer team. We were at the ‘end of season’ party and I had to present the coach with the team gift and was required to say something of importance. Try as I might, I could not find anyone else to take this role from me! We were in a crowded room, very crowded, and the coach was at the opposite end of the room from me. My time is coming to present the gift and say the all important words and my heart starts pounding and I’m thinking “This is ridiclous. Just get on with it” So, I need to get by a few people and you know how you lightly tap someone and say “Excuse Me.”, well, instead of tapping this poor man on the back, I GRABBED HIS REAR! Don’t ask me how that happened! As I walk past I’m now thinking, “Did I really just do that?” So, I make my way to the coach and his wife turns the camcorder right in my FACE and I lean across the table and say “Earl”, the coaches name was Matt!!! What on earth. I have no idea what I said after that, but I guess I could ask to watch the video? The funniest part is I have an extremely jealous husband and didn’t tell him any of this. One day, while I was sharing with a friend and we were laughing about it she suggested I tell him. I finally got up the courage to do so and he literally rolled in the floor laughing!! Is that an insecurity story you might have been looking for?
Yes! I remember being told in high school that my yellow sweater didn’t look that great on me. 🙁 I haven’t worn yellow since!!!! And I’m 37 now!
I would say that insecurity in college lead me to premarital sex with someone I knew was no good for me. I was insecure in my girlhood. He was my first boyfriend. I knew better, but I acted foolish, because I thought he was the only one who would ever love me.
Thankfully, I had a good friend who pointed out the ridiculousness of that lie.
At 16, I once drove faster and faster on a dark road because a car was close behind me and I thought it belonged to a popular older boy. Instead of pulling over and letting thew car pass, I continued to accelerate, while becoming more nervous by the minute because I didn’t want him to make fun of me for being uncool and driving slow. It ended up in me getting a ticket and I was so ashamed because I then looked reckless and couldn’t even explain the real reason for my driving. I felt so ashamed and stupid and disappointing to my parents and completely frustrated with myself.
When I was in jr. high I was riding a bus on a field trip and was sitting near the popular girls. They were singing along to some popular song and I joined in even though I was not too familiar with the song. One girl loudly pointed out that I didn’t know the words and made quite a spectacle over my blunders- lots of laughter. I have a masters degree in orchestral instrument performance and to this day, I am freaked out about singing in front of people.
For me, this is really putting it out there but……here goes! I have always had dark circles under my eyes — it’s hereditary. I do my best to cover them up, but I’m always self conscious about them, always checking the mirror — do they look bad today? Once I was at the beach with some friends and a guy commented about my dark circles and said “you really need to do something about that!” To this day I still remember that. I will not go out of the house without make-up on. Even when I’m just going to stay at home I will still do the whole make-up thing. I always take notice of people and whether THEY have dark circles or not — most people it seems to me do NOT. Why do I have to have them? I also blush VERY easily (for seemingly no reason) and so often people will say, “Oh look, she’s turning red” — that only makes it worse and I get even redder. I try not to worry about it; there seems to be no way I can control it — it just happens. But it still bothers me ALOT. I just pray that I can get my mind off of MYSELF and my supposed “defects”, be secure in who I am in Christ, and grow in my faith, instead of staying a baby Christian who can’t get past herself so she can be used by God.
when i was in middle school i was extremely made fun of, at first it was because i was different-i hated blending in, but after getting made fun of for trying to be unique, i tried harder and harder to blend in, which only made me ridiculed more (sheesh that was a long sentence).
throughout middle school, i grew apart from my family, had zero friends, fell away from God, and tried to kill myself. as much as that experience hurt, i don’t wish it happened any other way. those horrible memories have made me more empathetic towards others who are getting made fun of for being different.
i really believe God is using those experiences in my life for big things. i feel called to become a youth minister for middle school girls who are inevitably going to come across the same things i went through. this major could change, i’m only 19 and my major changes weekly, but i want to use these experiences to bring God glory.
insecurites happen, it’s like Satan’s way of trying to knock us away from God and start to doubt His power. lately, i’m learning to trust in God more and not beat myself up over how things went, after all, He already had the outcome planned, so why should i fret over how i messed up when in fact i did exactly what was needed.
Beth, I am 42 and have never been married. I’m a size 6 and have always been told I’m pretty (not in a cocky way) and people always say the same thing – “we cannot believe you are not married”. I was voted Most Popular and many other things in school. However, there is one thing I cannot get out of my mind…..I was totally in love with the first guy I ever dated (we were 17), and he broke up with me after 4 months of dating. Gave me a vague reason…I was sweet but he wanted to date others. The truth got back to me though: “She doesn’t talk enough, she’s actually boring”. I’ve spent 25 years traveling the world and doing a million other cool “interesting” things so one person would realize I am not boring! Good grief, he is married with a family and I never see the guy. Why should I care what he thinks? But I do somehow. I can’t even let myself date a guy for long because after about 4 months I find myself breaking up, thinking he’s going to break up with me anyway when he finds out how boring I am. I’m crying as I write this. By the grace of God, I’ve kept myself pure and had always hoped to marry a virgin man but I wonder often if I’ve waited too long. Please pray for me and all these other women. We love you.
I did not read through all of the comments but wow…how I can identify with so many of my siesta sisters!
I’ve acted a fool so many times over the years because my life has been marked by incredible insecurity.
I can add a high school story as many other ladies have. In high school I was SO insecure due to the fact that I had been made terrible fun of in elementary and Jr. High. So one night I was out with my best friend at a local lake and we met up with some guys and all drank a bit and went skinny dipping together. This was SO very stupid to do because these guys were much older than my friend and I and we could have gotten hurt (raped?! being under the influence of alchohol) by so willingly drinking and dropping our clothes. This decision was done completely out of insecurity.
Now as a woman I still struggle with insecurities in my relationships with other women. It is a problem with idol worship for me and I am ashamed but am working on it.
Insecurity could have been my middle name for many years. Praise God for opening the eyes of my heart to the damage my insecurities caused in my earthly relationships, in my relationship with Him, and in my relationship with myself.
Thank goodness we can remain anonymous right now because this is pretty humiliating…. actually it is UGLY humiliating!
Okay, now for the goods. Do I have the guts to write this? I’ll do it for God’s glory, trusting that He will use it further His Kingdom.
For as long as I can remember, I have fixated on girls or women I thought had it all together. Now, these were not women in Hollywood or on magazine covers. They were girls/women who were in my community.
The insecurity revealed itself in the fact that I would befriend these people (I usually just fixated on one at a time – and it usually lasted about a year before I would move on to someone else) for the mere desire of finding out EVERYTHING I could about how they lived so I could mimic them.
As a teen, I would do my hair and makeup like them, wear the types of clothes they wore, hold my pencil and try to write the way they did, be involved in the same activities,etc.
As a grown woman, I have done the same thing. Only I would start expecting my husband and children to be how I imagined those of my fixation to be. I just wanted to badly to like who I was and I was convinced the only way I could do that was to try to be just like someone else. I thought happiness would be found in being a perfect reflection of someone who had it all together and I was convinced that would never happen my just being myself. In fact, I tried to be like so many other people that I had no idea WHO I was. I just knew I did whoever I was way below par.
God’s timing has proved impecible once again because as I write, I am in the second week of the Esther study which our Heavenly Father is using to perform an extreme makeover on my heart and soul. He is teaching me that if I neglect being the individual He created me to be, I am also missing out on His purpose for my life. What a WASTE! No one can do what God put ME on this earth to do. He is also teaching me that the good ol’ saying is true: it’s better to be a first-rate version of one’s self than a second-rate version of someone else.
Thanks for the opportunity to be authentic and transparent. May the LORD bless whatever His plans are for you in this endeavor.
Your sister in Christ.
Insecurity and fear were constant companions to me in my young adult years and did make a fool of me often. The unconditional love I needed just wasn’t there in my family. My parents were alcoholics and we weren’t a Christian family. I turned to drinking and smoking and sex at a young age to fill the whole in my heart. I have been married twice and have two wonderful sons. Due to all of the wrong sexual relationships I have had, I had to have a hysterectomy at the age of 27 because I had cervical dysplasia. My insecurity was so bad that I thought having a breast augmentation was the answer to my physical problems, so I did that too. Both of my children came to the Lord before I did and in fact my oldest son led me to the Lord 8 years ago as well as my husband. Praise Jesus, He is healing my heart and giving me purpose and confidence in Him now. I feel finally free to share this with people, knowing that so many women are in prison because of their insecurity and nowhere to go with it. Jesus makes us FREE to be forgiven and renewed by His mercy and able live outside of the Pit. These things in my life were allowed by my Lord for the sake of someone else. Thanks Beth for all the ways you have taught me to live Free in Christ.
Something that I am VERY insecure about is being classified as a “dumb blonde”. I know I am not, I have a good head on my shoulders. Yet sometimes when I make a comment that makes total sense to me in context to the conversation, people who do not get it make a “blonde” joke, not really meaning to be mean, but it hurts. The thing is, my mind races during conversation, one thought leads to another and then a comment pops out about thought 3 when the other person is still on the first thought, thinking I’m an idiot. Satan really knows how to make me insecure and mad that people do not understand my thoughts and classify me by my hair color.
I jumped at the chance of a relationship only to find out the guy just wants to be friends & wants to pursue a relationship with someone else. My insecurity made me want to be liked so badly it certainly was embarrassing
Insecurity led me to make a choice that I am still to this day ashamed of. My husband & I were high school sweethearts and always knew we were forever. A few days before our wedding, he was very nervous and distant about his upcoming graduate schooling and how he was going to be a husband as well. I took this VERY personally and felt like he didn't really want to marry me. I talked him into having sex with me 2 days before our wedding, something both of us had promised each other & God that we would save for our wedding night. It was awful & our wedding day, honeymoon, and first few years of marriage were overshadowed by the enormous guilt & shame we both felt. We had both confessed our sin to God & were forgiven, but once again my insecurity led me to doubt that God really forgave me and punish myself (and my husband) over and over again. We have finally broken free of the cycle of shame and are on the path of healing our marriage. God has redeemed me and healed me! Amen!
I didn’t have a lot of issues with insecurity until I dated this Christian guy for almost 5 years. At the time I was average weight, but wanted to lose about 10-15 more pounds. In his past (his teen years before Christ) he had been sexually active with many 15-17 year old girls. His experiences then caused him to have unrealistic expectations of what a woman’s (not a teenage girl’s) body should look like. He told me that I had all the qualities he was looking for in a wife….and proceeded to give me his checklist:
Loves the Lord…check
Wants to serve others…check
Comes from a Godly home…check
Will be a wonderful mom…check
Knows how to make a home…check
Cooks…check
etc.
And I can still remember his words to this day. “But I just can’t get past the physical. I’ve tried, but that’s a really big thing for me. I want someone with the whole package.” He wanted a Victoria’s Secret model with the character of the virgin Mary and the homemaking skills of Martha Stewart.
I’m crying as I type this. I haven’t dated anyone seriously since him. I’ve had a series of first dates, but when they don’t call back, I attribute this to my not having the “whole package” that men want. Insecurity has kept me from being as outgoing as I used to be. I want to sit in the back row and hide. It hurts less that way.
About 5 years ago in high school, I acted impulsively with my then steady boyfriend and made the “big” mistake. Which happened repeatedly until the breakup, which led to behavior that I am now most definitely ashamed of. Yes, there are many people out there worse than I was in high school and college, but I was a BIG LETDOWN to myself. I acted ways I never dreamed of acting, did things that never should have happened until I was in a covenant marriage with a man of God. Thank God He forgave me, but it is still a struggle for me with this insecurity of feeling like I have no self-worth because of my past actions. It makes me very insecure about finding the man God wants me to be with and how he might not want me because of what I’ve done. To me sometimes, I’m just not worth it. But He’s revealing to me that I am worth everything to Him, and that’s all that matters. I’ve gotten better at putting my life and future into His hands. 🙂
Oh yeah…the phone calls to your hubby during the day when he is in a meeting–then you say, “Do ya love me?” HAHA … funny now, but…poor guy!!
Does insecurity make a fool out of me? Only just about every day.
More often than not it is in the mistaken assumption that my friends care far less about me than I do about them. So when my life gets bumpy I don’t ask for help until things are far worse than they needed to be.
the post with this time stamp:
January 16, 2009 10:42 AM
really speaks for me …
Only thing different I see is that my dad was not around.. he was an alcoholic and gave up his family instead of giving up the alcohol. For most of my life I have been searching for what I thought was love… I wanted a “man” to pay attention to me… and I thought that if I gave him what he wanted then he would stick around. It never seemed to work but I kept trying. The most horrific time was when I met someone at a college party… ended up spending the night with him to have him ask my name the next morning. Talk about feeling like a fool. Needless to say, I never heard from him again.
I praise our most loving Father for never giving up on me… I am too doing Believing God and so love when you said that the seamstress has to hold the fabric in order to mend it… I love knowing that He has actually held me in his most powerful hands to knit me back together. Today – I have a wonderful husband (both heavenly and earthly) that I know loves me unconditionally … but too suffer from NO sexual desire… I want it to change but … then again I think a part of me doesn’t… I don’t know – maybe I’ve learned to turn the tables and keep him asking for more so he will stay… I’m sure another form of insecurity.
sigh… the deep roots of rejection…
Absolutely!! As a new Realtor, I was asked by a Lawyer to come speak to a class one night at the community college. I planned what I was going to say about buying a new home. Oh man, my words didn’t come out at all, I mean almost NOTHING,the class wasn’t big but there were people 30 years older than I was. I was so intimidated I said NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!(Didn’t pick up any clients or customers that night!)
I got a horrible one. I was horribly sheltered as a child/teen- not healthy. When my mother got sick and needed to go to the hospital, my older sister- the one with the college degree no less, had me (teenager) putting baggies in paper bags for the ambulance ride in case Mama vomited. Now I am 52, much wiser, but still deal daily with being insecure, have LOTS of trouble making small talk, can’t talk to a group of people, like in a class. My friends understand me, and I can talk to them, but I feel like I am using them.
I’ve never had a lot of friends. I was very shy growing up. I had a few friends but as we grew older, we grew apart, then my family moved to another state. I’m 49 now, and have no friends (I mean zero!). There are a few people at work that I talk to, and I have family but no actual friends. I’ve always been insecure socially. I can’t make small talk, and I feel that whatever I say in a social situation will make me appear stupid and silly, that what I say is not as important as what everyone else talks about. To try to cover up my insecurities, I’ve created a rude outspoken attitude. No-one really knows the real me because I cover it up (cover me up). I’m very good in my chosen career, but when it comes to my personal life, I’m very lonely.
Insecurity keeps me from sharing of myself and keeps me from reaching out. All my four decades of life have shown me that I can have a friend who is interested in me only as long as it takes for a third friend to show up….and then they leave me in the dust. I don’t mind having mutual friends or my friends having other friends. It just always seems that I am no one’s “first choice”, even when I was married, quite honestly. I don’t feel sorry for myself, but I have gotten to distancing myself greatly and I know that is not what God has called me to as a Christian. Insecurity at times renders me incapable of “trying”. Also, I am much more financially lower on the rung than anyone I know… and after seeing the show-places their homes are, I just can’t risk them seeing my own home, just imagining the shock and disappointment on their faces brings me sorrow. But God meets my needs, his grace is sufficient. My kids are healthy, and we wake up breathing each day.
Just this week insecurity has gotten the best of me!! I drive a carpool for my kids after school several days a week. The other boy that I drive home just turned 13 where my kids are 6 & 9. My nine year old son has Aspergers Syndrome which has alot to do w/ lack of social skills. He is quite annoying to other kids, talks incessantly about trains & says things that don't even make sense sometimes. This kid who rides w/ us has been VERY nice for the past 2.5 years. As of this week he did not come out to ride. I had to send my daughter in to get him. He said to her, "Do I have to?" There is another lady he can ride w/ on other days. When he got in the car, I could tell he was mad & he said to my son, "Move." My son's foot was in the way of his instrument. Then he did not talk almost the whole way home. Yesterday he did not speak much except to say in response to something my son said, "That has nothing to do w/ it." (in a rude way) Today my son was asking again (second day in a row) if he could go to Hobby Lobby to buy some train stuff. The kid said, (At least I think he said) "I thought you went through all this yesterday." There was alot of commotion in the car, but in my son's defense said very nicely, "What did you say?" He said, "Oh I said that Chacha (our dog) jumped up there yesterday." That is not what I heard & that is not what my daughter & son heard. I am distraught!!! I think he does not want to ride w/ us anymore & that he must not like us anymore. I feel in absolute chaos & panicky inside about it. I want him to like me & my children. He is just a teenager & I am a 40 year old mom for cryin' out loud! Talk about insecurity! My sword is in my sheath!!! Yikes!
Insecurity has caused me to make so many mistakes that I could write a book–but I’ll try to contain myself 🙂
As a result of my insecurities, I had a habit of looking for signs in other’s behavior that said, “I’m about to hurt you somehow”. Whether I felt criticism coming or thought the other person was angry with me or whatever, when i sensed it I would go into defensive mode and either retreat (emotionally or physically) or strike first. How many, many times have I hurt people needlessly?? I shudder to think how I may have caused a sister or brother to stumble because of my behavior.
Another very serious problem was mhy willingness to do just about anything to keep my best friend. I just can’t bring myself to disclose some of the things I did, even anonymously, but suffice it to say that I did some very shameful things. I don’t think anyone else ever knew unless she told, but I know and I am embarrassed even now, 35 years later. Lord, help!
We just never know the silent pain that people bear. Folks who seem so happy and “together” can be bearing some really heavy burdens. I believe that realization has helped me learn tolerance for others. And now that God has helped me deal with these things, the experience has helped me minister to others more effectively.
Praise Him!!
Like most (if not all of the others), insecurity has made a fool out of me more times that I can remember. So, when I feel insecure, I will talk my head off. I guess it is my feeble attempt to get people to like me and help me get over my insecurity. Instead, I end up looking like a fool who has to comment on everything and looks like a know-it-all.
Before I was married, my insecurities let me to do things I never intended to do outside marriage. I thought that it would help me; instead it just compounded my insecurities. Praise God, He led me to a man who loves me for all my flaws.
I have two insecurity stories–one is on the lighter side and one is pretty dark.
Security over my appearance (weight issues, etc.) caused me to foolishly marry a man I KNEW wasn’t God’s best for me. I accepted his offer because I didn’t think there would be another. Six years into our marriage, he called me while he was out of town, and he confessed to having had several affairs as well as being addicted to drugs, porn, and gambling. He also told me he wanted a divorce and was never coming home. He kept his word. I have never seen him again. He didn’t even show up at court for the divorce he filed against me. I was a BIG fool.
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In high school, I so wanted to be found beautiful, and like many teenage girls I watched all sorts of romantic movies. One movie (can’t remember which one now) made a big deal about how pretty a girl’s eyes looked in candlelight. So, I stole into the bathroom with a box of matches, and proceeded to shine the light in my eyes. In doing so, I singed off some of my eyebrows and my heavily “sprayed” 80’s bangs! HA!
I have a church friend who sends me into a tailspin of insecurity on 2 levels. First, on a personal “she has more friends than me and everyone likes her better” level, which is foolish enough, but then on a mom level of “I need to keep up with her or my kids are going to be left behind and it will be all my fault” level. So if I spend any time with her, I feel like I need to go out and get my kids more toys (please) or enroll my kids in more activities (seriously, no). I’m embarrassed by still dealing with thoughts of relief when she isn’t there on a Sunday or a get-together. Just goes to show, every hour I need Thee.
How often I have said to my ladies that I am so embarrassed at some of the things I have done out of insecurity!! Once I took my car to the garage to get fixed and I went inside to let them know I was there and give instructions. . . and I saw some men I knew and paniced and ran out to my car. When I “came to” I realized I had no idea what I was supposed to do, or where to go. I just sat there in the car till the mechanic came out and gave me instructions. And this was not in a city where noone knows each other, but in our small town!! Other times I have talked incessantly, laughed ridiculously, or been so shy and quiet I was a pain to be with. Soooooo many times!!
I just had a revelation moment here. I read this post of yours earlier and went about my business. Then I was just doing my Esther study and read the sentence “When the seemingly unshakeable shakes, we’re twice as shaken.” I realized that to most of my family and friends, I am the “unshakeable” in their lives. I spend SO much time making sure they all think I have it together so they can lean on me. It’s exhausting, and I didn’t even know I was doing it until this moment. I must sound like an idiot, insisting I’m fine when clearly I shouldn’t be sometimes. Yikes.
Hope this fits in with what you mean. In JR. High, I didn’t know where I “fit in”. I was friends with the “popular” girls and some “not so popular” girls. I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I so wanted a boy to like me. One day the boys had a grab *** day, as they called it, and all the girls got grabbed all day long, and all day long you heard girls carry on and scream and yell and the boys laugh and laugh. Instead of a day, it turned into many days. Finally, I asked my Mom for advise. Her advise was that I should ignore them, that they were only trying to get a reaction out of me. So, that is what I did, ignored them. Then, the consequence of that was that my “popular” friends wrote me a note saying I was a “slut” and that I liked it and they were disgusted with me, signed however, anonymously of course. I was just so devastated, I really never got over it. I became so insecure and unsure of myself from that moment on that I made poor choices later in life. One was that at 14 I met a boy, was flattered by his attention and gave in to his advances, and even thought I enjoyed it. I put my whole life into him and abandoned any kind of friendships with girls. Needless to say, I got pregnant, we were married, I was a month away from 16, had 2 more children with him before I was 20. He was a controlling domineering man, and finally, it ended in divorce with him leaving shortly after my youngest was diagnosed with cancer. I now however enjoy security in my Lord Jesus Christ, who loves me. But, insecurity is really a problem that continues today with young girls. I think it may even be worse, with so many pressures they have. Thanks for looking into this subject.
Too many to list, so here are just the biggies:
1) I was very promiscuous – giving away my virginity at 14.
2) I have always felt fat (I’m not naturally a size 2 so I thought I must be obese). Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money, so my clothes were never “right.” That coupled with my weight issues led me to believe that no one would like me or want to be my friend if I didn’t have the perfect clothes and look a certain way. I racked up over $100,000 in credit card debt as a result and our family had to declare bankruptcy.
3) After I had my first child post-partum depression hit hard. I thought I could not be a good mother to my son and contemplated suicide several times. I was too afraid to admit it and seek help because I was afraid of being labeled “crazy.” After I had my second child it came back, but that time I got help through some medication and Christian counseling.
When I was in college, I would flirt with boys (athlete’s to be specific) for the attention. I loved being told I was beautiful by guys who were wanted by other women all over campus. How pathetic was I? I had no intention of having relationships with these men, I just wanted them to like me, call me, give me attention and ask me out so I could say no. I think I enjoyed the power of working hard for the attention and then turning them down.
I’m so thankful God forgives…
I had the opportunity to hang out with some blogging friends last August in San Antonio and I had looked forward to it for almost a year. When I got there and was actually face to face with these girls that old insecurity came rushing back. My mind just went nuts. “So and so likes her better because she is funnier on her blog.” “She must not like me because she is hanging out with them more.” “All of the rockstar bloggers are just their own clique.” It was terrible and caused me to with drawl from conversation, complain about silly things, and basically act like a fool. (So much so that I was happy to leave a day early.) Thankfully my strange behavior didn’t cause these girls to dislike me. I hate insecurity.
I was very foolish when I was dating. I thought if I engaged in sexual activity (not necessarily intercourse) with boys then they would fall in love with me. Especially the one I had loved all my life, but he stopped short of the final act and left me alone and sobbing. The next time I spoke to him he tried to make me understand what sinners we were, even quoted me a few scripture verses to prove it, telling me we should repent. It just made me angrier and I never wanted to talk to him again because I felt like he initiated the entire encounter.
Then I starting casually giving myself away to any man who showed me affection. I ended up with an unexpected pregnancy even though I had been using birth control at the time. I had no one to advise me about what to do, my family was so self absorbed at the time and paid little attention to me, so I made the decision to abort on my own. The father wanted to marry me but I didn’t want to get married under those circumstances.
After I had the abortion I saw the love of my life again at a distance but I was too insecure to reach out to him again because he had wounded me so much with his words. I was foolish to think that because he had enough honor to keep me pure that he wasn’t the one for me. I also felt so terrible about myself I gave up my dreams and tried to forget everything that had happened to me.
Whenever anyone talks about pro-life issues I just want to crawl in a hole. I wish I was not so insecure about what people would think of me because I made that choice. I want to help others but I’m afraid to tell anyone what really happened.
Insecurity has been apart of my life since I can remember. It is like the big elephant in the room that I don’t like to talk about. I come from a abusive past. I was molested by my cousin from the age of 7 until I was 18. I did not say anything cause of the retialaion I thought would happen. This is when my insecurity began.
So when I turned 18 I left home. I went to school to be a nurse and I so love it. I still deal with insecurity because I still battle with not feeling that I quite measure up with those around me. My insecurity has caused me to not share myself with others. I have not seriously dated in years because I am afraid and really feel that anyone would want to marry me because of my past. I am in Christian counseling now. GOD is doing a thing in my heart and I have begun to share my story not to really tell of it but to show what GOD can do. The pit he has pulled me out of is something that I cant explain. Thank you so much, Beth to get this discussion going. Insecurity affects so many of us girls and we do need healing.
I have felt insecure in my own church setting. Attending a huge church has some benefits, but you really see the beauties of the world there too. I have felt “small” on a number of occassions for not dressing “right” or hair not long and streaked, not having the right car, not having “cool” friends, not being in with “in crowd”, being a few pounds heavier than “them”. What a feeling to dislike your church because of a few that you preceive are looking at you differently. In fact I am sure no one is looking at me and if they are perhaps they are saying good things. What a total waste of my energy to think of church in this way.
The Lord was so gracious to give me a ladies ministry and in this I feel I made a huge fool of myself. There was someone I needed to ask to leave but due to my insecurity in making tough decisions I drove everyone crazy. This particular insecurity was an ugly form of self-centeredness. I was worried and distracted, not a good thing for the one that is supposed to make the decision. And not only did it hinder me but it also hindered her. I have learned through that that it is not only the arrogant and over-confident that can be self-centered.
Praise God He grabbed me, got my attention, I did the tough thing, and He opened the flood gates. During that time of procrastination I was feeling so dry.
I was so insecure in junior high school! A boy I had a crush on called me a “dog” so to show him that I was I actually put on a dog collar and wore my hair in really high pigtails to look like ears! Just thinking about it makes me cringe! What a fool I was to win the affection of a boy!