Let’s FIGHT for our Marriages!

Hey, Sweet Things!

As you can see from our title today, our topic is fighting for our marriages! The video is much longer than usual this time around (almost 25 minutes) and very un-slick and unrehearsed. It comes to you with a ton of love, however. I hope you get a chance to view it and, God willing, find some encouragement from it. In the event that you don’t get time, I want to make sure I put some written information here that God could cause to be life changing for a number of you. We talk about a wider range of topics concerning marriage on the video but one of the things I tell you about is a Godly couple I recently met with a profound ministry to those who have been devastated by infidelity. It’s called Affair Recovery and you can learn all about it at www.AffairRecovery.com. Here’s a short bio:

• Affair Recovery is based in Austin, Texas, and is the first company to offer anonymous online group support worldwide for those impacted by infidelity.

• Rick Reynolds brings over 20 years of experience and insight to his role as president and founder of Affair Recovery. [I suggest reading “Rick’s Story online: “In 1984, my marriage was devastated when I betrayed my wife. We had no idea where to turn….” ]

• Rick has counseled over 2,000 couples in-person, and to date 500 couples have completed Affair Recovery’s new online courses.

• They help people heal from the pain of affairs and betrayal.

• All of our materials are created by clinical professionals many of whom have personally experienced infidelity.

• “The introduction of interactive online courses through AffairRecovery.com is a dream come true for me as a marriage counselor,” says Reynolds. “Every day I wondered how we could provide more people out there with the access and support they need, when they need it and in an affordable manner. More importantly, how we could create a community that supports and encourages one another through the recovery process. Now we’re making that happen every day with clients through our online solutions.”

As Rick and Stephanie say,
“”It’s not as hopeless as it feels.”

Wouldn’t it be something if the devil got caught in the snare that he hid for your marriage and you let God restore and redeem all you’ve been through? With God, all things are possible. Even life after betrayal.

Let me say one more thing before I close. I say it on the video but it’s crucial that I say it here, too. Be VERY CAUTIOUS about your comments to this post. We will also be moderating them very carefully so give us plenty of time to post them after you leave them. The purpose of this blog and this post is encouragement and edification in Christ. Please do not divulge secrets, name names, malign or slander, even if you think someone deserves to be outed. I say this with much love and compassion: if you are not in the frame of mind to RECEIVE encouragement and edification or not in the frame of mind to GIVE encouragement and edification, please forego leaving a comment this time around. By all means, participate through reading, listening, praying and considering. You are so loved here, even if you’re madder than a hornet at your spouse and at what you’d call the system.

Many of you on here are involved in various women’s ministries. I hope you are blessed and relieved to know that a Godly framework exists for you to recommend to many who feel hopeless after infidelity.

And in case it’s been a while since anyone said this to any of you, I am so sorry for the hurts that have come to you. God collects your every tear, knows your every fear, and He can take every piece of your fractured heart and create in you a new one. There is life on the other side of absolutely anything if we’re in Christ. Even something that we feel like will nearly kill us. That’s what resurrection power is all about: raising the dead.

I love you so dearly.

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268 Responses to “Let’s FIGHT for our Marriages!”

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Comments:

  1. 151
  2. 152

    Beth,
    Thank you (again) for listening and responding to the Holy Spirit’s lead.

    Five years ago I found out about a web of lies my husband had woven over 14 years of our then 16 year marriage. This summer we celebrated 21 years together! Following God in forgiving multiple accounts of infidelity has not been easy. However, my husband allowed himself to be transformed by God through that season of discovery and reconciliation. We have 5 sons that we desperately want to now walk before in such a way that they see and know the FREEDOM that is theirs in Christ. God is busy restoring the years the locust had eaten and our marriage is better than it has ever been. There are still bumps…and now they seem bigger because they seem to fall on the tender spots of my heart. However, I now know God in such an intimate way that I could never have imagined before; He has literally been my next breath at times. When appropriate we invest ourselves and our story in the lives of those who, thus far, seek us out (while safeguarding our sons). It’s not a pain I would choose or wish on anyone—but, I would not give back all the things God has shown me and taught me by going through it!

    God led us to a couple of wonderful Christian resources. I would highly recommend anyone whose marriage is in trouble to consider going to A New Beginnings weekend. Visit http://www.savemymarriage.com If you just want to strengthen your marriage, see if a church in your area offers A Dynamic Marriage 8 week course. Time invested in your marriage, especially if you have children, is NEVER wasted. God will give back more than you can possibly imagine.

    (I do not get anything from either of those resources…that are honestly places we turned when we didn’t know where to go. Thanks!)

    Blessings.

  3. 153
    Anonymous says:

    Beth, I felt like you were talking straight to me. I needed to hear that message today. God uses you in such powerful ways and I am so thankful for you! My husband and I are going through marriage counseling right now because of his infidelity, but I feel such a peace that God will restore our marriage. When I found out about the affair, I didn’t even know I could hurt so badly, but God is healing our marriage every day. You are so right that Christian counseling is worth every penny. We sought help as soon as the affair came to light and it has meant so much. God is so good and so faithful. I am so thankful to have Him to keep me going!

    Thank you for your willingness to talk about tough issues! May God continue to bless you! I pray for you and thank you for praying for us!

  4. 154
    C says:

    I’m also amazed at the timing of this post. Just over a week ago I was ready to throw in the towel of hope for my marriage, then this post came. I was going to stay in it, but only because I knew that’s what was expected of me as a Christian. I love my husband dearly, but he too, has struggled with porn off and on for many years. We’ve been married for 5 years. I found out (discovered) the addiction only 2 months after marriage. We’ve battled it off and on all this time, but never have sought help because of the fear of judgement and condemnation we may receive. I’m very excited to say we’re now scheduled for counseling. It’s a very long and hard process but I so long to see my husband free. I know he wants it, but this is a stronghold that is NOT easy to overcome. I would love to see more church ministries available for men to feel they can come and receive help and be embraced with love and forgiveness with no judgements. God has helped me tremendously through this as He also orchestrated perfect timing in my going through Living Beyond Yourself. He has shown me SOO many things about how we can show agape love for someone only if we’re allowing God to show His agape through us! We, in and of ourselves, are incapable of agape, but God longs to show others His agape through us. I’m so thankful for Living Proof ministries and your ministry Siesta Mama!!!

    • 154.1
      Michele says:

      Dear C,

      I just want to encourage you to hang in there through this stronghold. This problem is demonic and Satan wants you to give up and throw in the towel….DON’T!!! I completely understand how you may be feeling right now, I have been through the same issues for 20 years. God is the great redeemer and we know that He wants us all to have freedom from this bondage. So we can rest in that even when we are fearful. I will be praying for you as I know the pain, but I also know the redemption Christ can and will bring when we trust Him with it.
      I love you sister!
      M

    • 154.2
      Fearless J. says:

      I know of a couple who went through this issue. They now lead a ministry to reach out to other couples who are currently battleing this issue.

  5. 155
    Bonnie says:

    Thank-you Beth for shareing. Satan is attacking our marriages and like you said it is not going to get any better. I have done several of your Bible Studies, I have prayed for sometime and will continue to pray that the LOrd will lead and direct you to do a Bible study on Marriage.I pray for you and your ministry often. May God richly bless you and your team.

  6. 156
    Anonymous says:

    Dear Beth:
    first may I say how nice it is to hear you say “your Moma”? I lost my mother at 19 (and even at 56, I miss her dearly). Thank you so much for your heartfelt encouragement to fight for our marriages. Even the little hurts need resolve to forgive sometimes. I pray for the fortitude that you described. Thank God for the Holy Spirit who will show us the way.

  7. 157
    Callie says:

    I’ve been married a mere four weeks, which seems slight compared to the marriages that have lasted decades. But I know that these first few years are critical and that we are setting patterns for the rest of our lives. Getting married is truly one of the scariest things I’ve ever done – it was humbling to recite vows that I knew I couldn’t keep (with my own strength). Thank you for these encouraging words.

    Callie @ A Chance To Die

  8. 158
    Becky says:

    Thank you so much Beth for being a champion of great marriages and for your transparency that a great marriage takes work. John and Henry’s book is a great resource! Another great resource is 1-800-NEW-LIFE where you can find a Christian Counselor in your area. John and Henry are co-hosts on New Life Live and give solid Biblical answers to some of life’s tough questions.

    I am soooo excited for James to be released and our Bible study group is too! We are praying for you as you continue to impact the lives of so many with God’s Word!!

  9. 159
    Laura Cron says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this…I really needed to hear this message~ in this season of my life.

  10. 160
    Kelly Rogers says:

    Infedelity rocked my world, but God is my Rock! He alone is the reason I am still married. I prayed that God would show me the reasons I should love and forgive the man I had loved for so long, and He did. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

  11. 161
    Dee says:

    Thank you, Beth, for addressing this issue. I ask for prayer because as of two years ago this month my husband and I separated. To this day I do don’t know where he is nor is there any communication, although I try several times a week to get in touch with him. I do not know if there is infidelity involved or not. I do know that I serve The Risen Savior who is Omnipresent and where I can’t go, He can! I pray daily for a melted heart as our Heavenly Father wraps
    His loving arms around my husband. He is our only hope! My trust and future are in His hands!

    • 161.1
      Janet says:

      I can relate. Seven months ago I went home and my husband of 1.5 years was gone. I haven’t heard from him or seen him since. Two weeks ago I was served divorce papers. I just keep asking God for guidance and healing. God has a plan and is in control, my heart is broken…..I just have to keep the faith that something good will come of this! I will pray for you!I just want my husband to come home! I believe we can work anything out but I don’t even know why he left.

  12. 162
    Laura says:

    Thank you so much for your encouraging message. As much as I appreciate it, however, God has been stirring something inside me regarding this topic to the point that I can’t hold my tongue any longer. Yes, I know what the Word says about marriage. I know what my pastors and my bible studies say about it. And I appreciate very much, Beth, the fact that you are one of the few teachers I have ever heard make the distinction between a difficult marriage and an abusive marriage. Your message in one of your videos about “If you are in an abusive marriage, RUN out the door and get some Godly counseling” probably literally saved my life. But it literally hurts my heart to think that there are other women out there in the place where I was, subjected to mental and physical abuse, and yet still being told by the church and its pastors that marriage is a sacred vow and you have to stick it out through the hard times. I don’t think the Church in general does enough to reach out to women in abusive relationships. In the pursuit of saving marriages, there are women and children who suffer in silence because so many preachers and teachers do not offer the caveat of “this does not apply to you if you are being abused.” I sat and wept in solitude more than once because I thought if I left my husband I was being disobedient to God, and it was not until he attempted to kill me in front of my 8 and 10 year old that I finally had the strength to walk out the door of my marriage and still be able to walk into a church without hanging my head in shame. Please if there is any way for you to get this message out to pastors and those in authority – making blanket statements about making marriage work no matter what can be extremely discouraging if you don’t stress that in some situations you just can’t. I don’t know if you can post this or even consider it relevant but this has become a burning passion in my heart – reaching out to other women who have been subjected to years of abuse in the misguided pursuit of obedience. Much prayer and quiet time with God and finally finding a Christian counselor to work with has helped me so much, but I think it would be very helpful if this point were made more often.

  13. 163
    Madelin says:

    THANK YOU for your transparency in ministry and willingness to follow the Spirits leading. You have an uncanning way to nail with a velvet hammer the most sensitive or difficult content. You balance truth & love with precision calling us to step up and be godly women. I will be sharing the love with some whom the Lord laid on my heart while watching and reading the posts.

    You are the bestest Siesta Mama in the whole wide world and we love you dearly.
    {{group hug}}

  14. 164
    Kelli says:

    I would just like to offer a few words of encouragement to anyone thinking of forgiving a cheating spouse. I am so sorry for your pain of betrayal. I can tell you that if you have even a tiny desire to try to work it out, hang on! Don’t let your marriage go without a fight. I had an affair recently after only 2 years married and one daughter together. I can tell you that my husband’s unconditional love for me has been a life changing event. It has brought me back to the Lord because it’s been the closest living proof to me of the love God has for us. I believe my husbands acceptance of me, after what I’ve done, has saved my life, literally. The path of destruction I was on and have been on and off of my whole life is rooted in childhood sexual abuse. His fight for me has provided the safe place for me to face these hurts and “break free” from them! I thank you Beth Moore for that bible study. It came to me in perfect time. I am Praying for all hurt by infidelity.

    • 164.1
      Connie says:

      Thank you for your post. My husband has been gone 3 years. My oldest son lives with him and her in Oklahoma now (from California). No texting or talking to me from either. Feel the Lord gave me an answer for that (I represent the light and the light hates darkness). Long story. Yesterday I bought a Thanksgiving card for hubby and son, but wasn’t sure to send it or not. Now reading your post, I think It’s meant to be. To keep showing love even though I have been ignored, disrespected and all the rest. My family is torn apart and it happened so fast. I printed out your post and will keep it close to remember to show love. God bless. Stay faithful. Connie

  15. 165
    Crystal says:

    I have been married to my husband for nine years, in relationship for fifteen. A year ago it came out,by God’s kindness and grace that my worst fears were trt my husband. He has indirectly admitted to multiple betrayals with no remorse. By wise counsil,scripture and a close mentor,I felt it was God’s will for me to stay and it was clear the areas I had failed to be true to my first love…Christ. There is much more,perhaps I may share later. For now,please know that God’s Grace is sufficient and He is faithful. He will not give you more than you can bare. Bloom where you are planted,if you are not unsafe or in a physically abusive situation. Have common sense. He had a plan for you. And I appreciate prayer. His way is hardly the easy route…but His way is full of purity wisdom beauty and grace. God bless.

  16. 166
    Cheryl says:

    Beth, Thank you so much for the encouragement in this video. My marriage was on a path of destruction when God shined his light on my husband’s infidelity. I never thought that I could make it through that, but God’s grace is abundant and his love carries us. God restored our marriage and made it stronger than ever. Christian counseling helped us immensely, but prayer is what got me through.

    Thank you for always being an encourager and for sharing God’s word with so many! You are a blessing!

  17. 167
    Carolyn says:

    I know this will be read before you post it, so feel free to delete it altogether, but I don’t know where else to ask this question.
    I’ve read many of the posts here and am amazed at how God has worked in all the lives and marriages. Here’s my dilemma. I’m a fraud and I’m so tired of pretending. A friend of mine, who is young enough to be my daughter, became a believer shortly before getting married. I didn’t meet her til a year or so later. I did, however, know her husband. As a young person he and his parents attended the same church I did, but he claimed he never really believed in God. Anyway, he and my friend “J” married. No one, who should have known better, counselled her to do otherwise. “J” and I became friends and the roller coaster began. She and her husband fought frequently because she was not the person he’d fallen in love with. She tried desperately to get him to church and he pushed her away. She had an affair. Things hit the fan. Supposedly it was a one-time thing, then I found out differently. Her husband forwarded an email he’d discovered she’d written to her lover talking about a trip they were going to take together. (She’d told me she was going to visit a friend.) I did not handle the deception very well at all. They broke it off. However, it really was an on-again, off-again deal. It happens that I know the wife of the man she was having an affair with. (he’d been good friends with my sister when they were in school. We took her on vacation with us. We were with her the night her father died. Though she and my sister had drifted apart in their closeness, we still had a history.) To shorten a very long story. “J”s husband filed for a dissolution – I was with “J” in the courtroom. I felt physically ill. I tried to be there for her, though I probably failed. It was a very draining friendship. She and the guy supposedly took a break from each other for a year, but ended up getting married three years ago. They had a very private ceremony – I’m glad I was not invited as I couldn’t have gone. How could I be happy for her? I honestly don’t mean to be judging, but I suppose I am. Now she’s pregnant and I’ve been invited to the baby shower. It makes me sick to think about it. I don’t want to involved in her life anymore. Am I a terrible person? Am I judging? Do I want revenge? I don’t know. If God can forgive her/them, why can’t I? They’ve asked forgiveness, her husband is saved, they are involved in their church….everything seems to have worked out. Please help. I guess I’m still angry over the affair and the lies and the divorce and subseqent marriage and now a baby? really? I’m just a friend. I shouldn’t care this much! shouldn’t I be happy for her? Doesn’t she deserve some happiness? How many pounds of flesh do I want? I know God has forgiven my sins, why am I having such a hard time extending the same? As I said, I’m a fraud and I’m tired of pretending. I don’t want to go to this baby shower and pretend I’m happy. but I don’t want to hurt her either. Everyone else who claimed to be “J”s friend has forgiven her and moved on, they are happy for her. They also were not nearly as close to her as I…but does that give me an excuse? I’m not looking for excuses to feel the way I do. It’s like a nightmare and I’d really like it go away. I rather hope no one else reads this because I don’t wany anyone to think I sit in judgment of anyone else. I know that I am always one bad choice away from an affair or any other destructive decision. God has required transparency from me for the last 11 years, but if I show any transparency to “J” I’m afraid I would destroy her with the ugliness that is still in me.
    Wow, this whole thing is like a run-on sentence. I don’t know if I made any sense. I didn’t know where else to ask my questions. Even though my email is required you don’t know how badly I would like to just be “anonymous” and not let anyone know what a horrible person I am.

    • 167.1
      Terri Smith says:

      Carolyn,
      I don’t know if this is the correct answer, or if there even is a “correct” one, but I had to respond because the pain you are feeling is so very obvious in your post.

      I guess what I’m thinking is this: J’s past has now, indeed, passed. There is nothing you can do to change it. Maybe some of your discomfort and frustration and anger come from feeling that J has done all these wrong things and now, seemingly, has a happy marriage and a baby on the way, and it just doesn’t seem fair, does it? I only say this because I’ve faced situations similar to yours and I felt that way. I’ve come to believe that we will get what we deserve. If we come to the end of life rejecting Jesus, we will be judged. If we come to the end of life embracing Jesus, we will get what we deserve ONLY because He has declared us worthy. If J has done this, she is accepted in Christ just like you and me are. Maybe we haven’t committed J’s sins, but we are just as unworthy. Someone said that if the requirement is to touch the stars that it doesn’t matter if you’re at the bottom of the ocean or the top of a mountain. It’s unattainable. Maybe in our eyes, J is at the bottom of the ocean and we are on the top of the mountain. Still, none of us is able to reach the stars or, in other words, to do what it takes to save ourselves. Try in whatever way you can to keep on working at forgiving your friend. She needs you. And, I suspect, you need her. We’re all in the same boat together, dear sister.

  18. 168
    Pamela Payne says:

    Pamela Bishop, CA 1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. ESV

  19. 169
    Michele Bone says:

    First of all, I want to say that every word Beth shared is true! I went through this pain of infidelity years ago and I chose God’s path. I humbled myself before the Lord and spent almost 2 years on my knees before Him praying His word back to Him. What a work He performed in my life! I am so thankful for what He has done and so thankful that He gave me the wisdom and strength to fight for my family! He used the change in my spirit to bring my husband home and he has told me and others that the reason he wanted to come home (even though his life was still a mess at the time) is because of what He saw in my life! It has been a long, uphill battle but God has been by my side every painful step of the way. I have had to continue to forgive and my husband has had to forgvie me as well. We are still fighting for our marriage and are committed to make it work. I would not allow my heart to be hardened and I believed every word in the scriptures and prayed them to God…..I held them up to Him and told God I believed those words and would trust in faith, even thought the situation looked as bad as it could look and many others told me to give up……No way! I am so glad I waited upon the Lord!! He is so worth it, this life is so worth it and my 4 daughters are so worth it! May God be glorified in my life and my marriage!!! I love you all!

  20. 170
    Kay says:

    I appreciate any ministry that lifts couples up to God’s standard for marriage. We have become a throw away society, and so many people don’t realize what the part of their vows that say “or worse” really mean. They really only mean as long as it’s “better”. My husband struggled w/porn, and always was friendlier w/other women than he should have been. We saw several therapists, and tried the programs. What we ran into was the Christian therapists really didn’t seem to know much about addiction vs a one time affair. While the pain is very real no matter what the situation, an addict and the spouse of an addict deal w/this issue on an almost nonstop basis. I lived the nightmare of a husband who would attend therapy and say all the right things, and then continue doing the the addiction behind my back. We went to a secular therapist, and were told to stop pretending to be someone we weren’t, so my husband chose to leave me, and chose another woman. He wanted to be “true” to himself, and chose to embrace his affection for porn. I can’t begin to describe my hurt, bc the secular therapy world seems to understand more about porn addiction, but they aren’t going to remind us about our call to live a Christian life. I struggle now with how to forgive my husband, not so much the addiction, but for chosing it over his marriage. I will never stop praying for him, but I ask that you pray I will be able to learn how to accept and forgive what he is doing to me. I prayed for God to restore our marriage, but the divorce will be final soon. I so pray no other couple will have to go through what I have!

  21. 171
    Monica says:

    Separate,
    That’s hard when he is the sole provider and controls all the money.He abused my eldest daughter and she left at 17 and now lives in another state. I haven’t seen her since. My other daughter 19 just left with her boyfriend. My 17 year old son is leaving next year. I lost all my kids because of my abusive controlling husband.I have no relationship with my children and or their children.I don’t live in Texas and my family won’t help me out.I have nothing and if I leave I’m homeless.

  22. 172
    Leah Brannon says:

    I am a single twenty-five year old who one day hopes to be married. It is so discouraging to hear of so many marriages these days that end up in divorce. I know that is not the way God intended. I have heard so many times about the need to fight for the marriage, and feel I am equipped to do so. Thank you for sharing this Truth, Beth. I hope I don’t sound arrogant when I say I am ready to fight for marriage, even before I am married and facing some of these difficult circumstances. God forbid that I ever do! But, I know that if I do one day face this I will be equipped with the right knowledge, tools, and community of women to fight, and fight HARD! I will not let Satan win! May God’s love fill us completely and may He receive all the glory!

  23. 173
    Ruined 4 Him says:

    Hi Beth,

    I know it’s been a few days and posts but I just now have the time to comment. It’s God’s timing that I was thinking this week that it has been 20 years since my last affair…I can’t believe the incredible pit of sin and shame I inhabited for the first 11 years of marriage. Through the help of a godly, gifted counselor and the power of the Holy Spirit I “remembered” the trauma of my childhood which led to multiple affairs. When I had to tell my husband the truth, God again was faithful. My husband had his own baggage, was not an easy man to live with but as God would have it, he didn’t want a divorce. So we toughed it out in counseling and miracle of miracles, God restored my heart, my marriage and my family!
    I love that it’s His story to be used for His glory, we have had several opportunities to encourage couples going through similar situations. Every time we get the chance to share our story; for a split second I expect my husband to change his mind or for the shame and guilt come back but it doesn’t and I realize again, I’m free!
    Marriage is hard without all of our stuff, God is HUGE but we have to lay down our pride and let Him heal us and He is always faithful. I love that about Him.
    Thank you for sharing this ministry; I will pass it on to those in need.

    He just undoes me, Joni

  24. 174
    Angela says:

    In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen. Been married a long time. Ups and downs throughout. God is good! Pray over your family. If you don’t who will? Thanks, Beth. We love you too!

    Angela
    Mansfield, TX

    • 174.1
      Anonymous says:

      What a great post. Often this is such a private issue. My marriage suffered from infidelity 14 years ago. I had no idea where to turn for guidance or help. I actually plugged the word infidelity into a computer search to see if I could find any word to encourage me to stay in my marriage. All I found positive on the subject was one woman’s testimony of how God restored her marriage. I still thank God today that my computer search yielded something positive that encouraged me to stay and fight. So good to see with this post an abundance of proof for the suffering that God can work in this situation.

  25. 175
    Cathy Davis says:

    Amen and amen.

    I’m so grateful His mercies are new every morning. I wish my husband and I could have worked things out but God has a plan and a purpose. I am believing God for my life to come!

    There is beauty in the ashes.

  26. 176
    JUlie says:

    I’ve been standing for my marriage for 2 years today. My husband walked out suddenly after 23 years. He was my best friend God has shown me proof of the affair and “I love you” has been shared between them. She works for him. God has done amazing things in my life and this trial has deepened my relationship with him. My husband told me he wanted a divorce in June 2010 but didn’t initiate until Jan 2011. Paperwork delays on his part and confusion over process delayed filing until may. Continued delays on his part have continued. then the attack came in my stand…the court set a date? Status hearing and wrote that if paperwork and division of assets was complete they could grant divorce dec 5. What a sad state for our courts and country and overstepping of their rights? Forced to meet with attorney today. Last night I was given 1 Cor 5 ….my husband is a believer who is deceived and unrepentant. I am praying for wisdom and guidance to do Gods will.

    • 176.1
      Carol says:

      Julie, I am in the same situation. My husband had an affair after 22 years of marriage and now it has been 24 years and we are not yet divorced. I wanted to bury my head in the sand and pretend that maybe he was dead, then I wouldn’t have to deal with it. He continues his affair and we separated. He tried counseling for one session and decided it wasn’t worth it. He has even tried to choke me to death in an argument we had recently. I still feel guilty that we could not make it work. This has been the best thing that has happened to me as far as my faith with God goes. I’m truly blessed by Him and He is the only reason I am still here. I would have done anything to make my marriage work, but it takes three ‘you, your spouse, and God’. God and I were willing, but not my spouse. I am now at the point where I don’t want any spouse. I’m enjoying not answering or serving anyone but God, but yet that makes me feel selfish. All I do is to continue to give it up to God and His plan. I try to encourage other couples who are struggling with marriage problems to do whatever it takes to work it out, and I’ve found several resources, but it takes a willingness by everyone involved.

  27. 177
    Alison says:

    Jennifer, I’m sorry I missed this earlier! Thank you for the good word! DUST! I love that.

  28. 178
    MJR says:

    How I wish that I had known about this 10 years ago when my husband had several affairs. We had been married 25 years when this all happened. While we were attending marriage counseling, with an inept counselor, he was seeing yet another woman. How can that happen? We were working on our marriage from the affair with a friend of mine?? I was devastated. The lies that were told and the depth of his feelings for these woman were unreal. At times I wanted to kick him out but he said he wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t going to leave my house, as it wasn’t my fault. I do NOT believe that both husband and wife are responsible for the affairs. It was his chosing and his decisions. I still do not trust him and I still ache from the lies and the deceit. We are still together as I was not going to let satan win this battle. It has been a long road to get things back to where they were or even better. Am I there yet? Not by a long shot! It takes time to earn back respect and trust.

  29. 179
    Connie says:

    Pls pray for my marriage. My husband left 3 years ago for another woman. Moved from California to Oklahoma where she moved. My oldest son went with them. My youngest to Wyoming (both over 20). I’m alone after being married 24 years. A home schooling mom, etc…the enemy blew through our family like a tornado. My head is still spinning. Husband won’t talk to me, son now turned against me. It’s me and the dog in a converted garage. Lost home, animals, etc…Need a job. I’m 56 and starting over. Help!!! Connie

  30. 180
    Renee farrell says:

    I really enjoyed your message today Beth. My husband and I attended EMS at affair recovery September 2010.Rick and Stephanie are amazing by the power of the Holy Spirit. We are doing great in our marriage because of Grace and firgiveness. I would encourage anyone to check into this as Gids holy council

  31. 181
    lisa tapio says:

    Thank you Beth for this post. I am on my knees with dear friends who are currently fighting for their marriages!

    Thank you Jesus my husband & I are living proof! To God be the glory great things He has done! We are that couple you see out & about with 4 great kids that must have made all the right choices…after all just look we have been married for almost 22yrs…FAR FROM IT…we are that couple with 4 great kids we call our “beauty from ashes” we are married almost 22+yrs only because of Jesus & His restoration & healing in our marriage. WE ARE LIVING PROOF glory to GOD!

  32. 182
    Janine says:

    I am so glad you posted about affair recovery. Unfortunately my husband and I were in need of this kind of recovery. We attended one of the EMS weekends over a year ago. It was amazing. Unfortunately my husband is still struggling with wanting to work on our marriage, but being able to meet people who were in our same situation was huge for me. I also got to be a part of their Harboring Hope program which was crucial to my own personal healing. The work they do is very good and helpful. Praise God that you were able to hear and post this on your blog for more families to hear about and hopefully heal from this hard time.

  33. 183

    Tasty Tater Casserole!

    I’m telling u girls if u make it this yr, you’ll have to make it every yr thereafter!! They’ll be begging u for more. I always have to make a double recipe and there are NO LEFTOVERS! Here’s the recipe for a single casserole.

    32 oz pkg cubed frozen potatoes
    1/2 cup butter (or margarine…sorry Beth!)
    1 tsp salt
    1/4 tsp pepper
    1 tbsp dry minced onion
    1 can cream of chicken soup
    16 oz sour cream
    2 cups sharp cheddar cheese grated

    Topping: 1/4 cup butter melted
    2 cups crunched up corn flakes (not the precrunched up ones, the actual cereal)

    Mix tog. everything except potatoes and topping. Add potatoes and mix again. Spray casserole dish (9×13) with Pam. Add potato mixture. Top with topping mixture.

    Cook uncovered 350 for 45 min or more until center is warm!

    (Side note: You can make up night b4 and refrigerate. Just don’t put on topping until right b4 you cook it. If refrigerated, you will need to increase cooking time until middle is nice and warm.)

    Yummers!!

  34. 184
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA June 15th
    Be still and know that I am God. KJV Ps. 46:10a

  35. 185
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA
    God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways. He does things beyond our understanding. NIV Job 37:5

  36. 186
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA July 15
    The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. KJV Deut. 31:8

  37. 187
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA August 1
    The Lord is good to all. He has compassion on all He has made. NIV Ps. 145:(

  38. 188
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. NIV Ps. 19:14

  39. 189
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA
    Ask and it will be given, seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened. NIV Luke 11:9

  40. 190
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA
    But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be My witnesses in Judea and in all of Samaria and to the ends of the earth. NIV Acts 1:8

  41. 191
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA
    In My Father’s house are many mansions. If it were not so I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you and if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto Myself, that where I am, you may be also.
    KJV John 14:1-3

  42. 192
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength. KJV Isaiah 30:15

  43. 193
    Bonnie says:

    Marietta, GA Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; Make known among the nations what He has done.
    NIV I Chron. 16:8

  44. 194
    D says:

    Beth,
    Thank You for this awesome post. Jesus shines through You always.

  45. 195
    Jennifer Rott says:

    “Blessed are the merciful~for they will be shown mercy.” Matthew 5:7 NLT

  46. 196
    R says:

    I have never posted anything on any blog before, but felt led by the Holy Spirit to share in hopes that someone may be lifted up & find courage from the Lord. I am a God follower and married to a spiritual man who also loves the Lord. However, along the lines of something Beth said once “we brought a matching set of baggage” into our marriage. The short version is out of prideful thinking that we were above such a thing we were not paying attention & Satan very much attacked our marriage by way of infidelity. We forgot that as much as God has a plan for our lives to glorify Him, Satan also has a plan to destroy us. Through counseling I know that disclosure comes in stages & that is how it happened. Every new blow was something I thought I could never live through but has proven to be the catalyst that finally set me truly free. Not free from my husband, but more importantly free from my own bondage of brokeness that I had allowed Satan to use against me for years. I had always lived a life of fear & now understand that it came from a warped view that somehow God’s love was conditional. Through this fire I have come to really understand the meaning of grace & mercy for me through Jesus and the true meaning of unconditional love. That understanding has allowed me to extend grace & mercy to the man I love, not excusing the sinful choice he made, only understanding that we are all broken & sinners redeemed by the blood of Christ. It is not an indication of who my husband is in Christ, only something he did. It took a major blow to humble my husband to the point of total submission to God for healing so we are able to praise God in this storm for never giving up on us even when we sometimes give up on ourselves. God has put wonderful professionals, church support groups, friends & family to help us work our way to restoration. At this point my trust & hope is not in my husband, but now & always is in the Lord who can do all things! My strength is not my own, but comes directly from the Lord. This journey is not one I wanted nor would wish on any family. The road is hard & often my heart feels like it may bleed out, but if we are faithful & trust God completely He will honor our obedience with the desire of our hearts~our family restored in Christ. Through this I have finally come to understand that God can use all things for His glory, but most importantly I know my way home & I am not afraid!

  47. 197
    Erna says:

    Morning Beth, thank you so much for your word, yes, Im still struggling with some issues of trust and resement which i truly thought was over but realize it comes and go to forgive is truly a battle, its been a year since the affair and it hit home close at has affected our family as a whole, i truly pray for restoration which I know god is still working in our marriage, flash backs are the worst especially he still fights with drinking its a battle Beth love the video, I hope to one day help others thank you, still fighting the fight.

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