Let’s FIGHT for our Marriages!

Hey, Sweet Things!

As you can see from our title today, our topic is fighting for our marriages! The video is much longer than usual this time around (almost 25 minutes) and very un-slick and unrehearsed. It comes to you with a ton of love, however. I hope you get a chance to view it and, God willing, find some encouragement from it. In the event that you don’t get time, I want to make sure I put some written information here that God could cause to be life changing for a number of you. We talk about a wider range of topics concerning marriage on the video but one of the things I tell you about is a Godly couple I recently met with a profound ministry to those who have been devastated by infidelity. It’s called Affair Recovery and you can learn all about it at www.AffairRecovery.com. Here’s a short bio:

• Affair Recovery is based in Austin, Texas, and is the first company to offer anonymous online group support worldwide for those impacted by infidelity.

• Rick Reynolds brings over 20 years of experience and insight to his role as president and founder of Affair Recovery. [I suggest reading “Rick’s Story online: “In 1984, my marriage was devastated when I betrayed my wife. We had no idea where to turn….” ]

• Rick has counseled over 2,000 couples in-person, and to date 500 couples have completed Affair Recovery’s new online courses.

• They help people heal from the pain of affairs and betrayal.

• All of our materials are created by clinical professionals many of whom have personally experienced infidelity.

• “The introduction of interactive online courses through AffairRecovery.com is a dream come true for me as a marriage counselor,” says Reynolds. “Every day I wondered how we could provide more people out there with the access and support they need, when they need it and in an affordable manner. More importantly, how we could create a community that supports and encourages one another through the recovery process. Now we’re making that happen every day with clients through our online solutions.”

As Rick and Stephanie say,
“”It’s not as hopeless as it feels.”

Wouldn’t it be something if the devil got caught in the snare that he hid for your marriage and you let God restore and redeem all you’ve been through? With God, all things are possible. Even life after betrayal.

Let me say one more thing before I close. I say it on the video but it’s crucial that I say it here, too. Be VERY CAUTIOUS about your comments to this post. We will also be moderating them very carefully so give us plenty of time to post them after you leave them. The purpose of this blog and this post is encouragement and edification in Christ. Please do not divulge secrets, name names, malign or slander, even if you think someone deserves to be outed. I say this with much love and compassion: if you are not in the frame of mind to RECEIVE encouragement and edification or not in the frame of mind to GIVE encouragement and edification, please forego leaving a comment this time around. By all means, participate through reading, listening, praying and considering. You are so loved here, even if you’re madder than a hornet at your spouse and at what you’d call the system.

Many of you on here are involved in various women’s ministries. I hope you are blessed and relieved to know that a Godly framework exists for you to recommend to many who feel hopeless after infidelity.

And in case it’s been a while since anyone said this to any of you, I am so sorry for the hurts that have come to you. God collects your every tear, knows your every fear, and He can take every piece of your fractured heart and create in you a new one. There is life on the other side of absolutely anything if we’re in Christ. Even something that we feel like will nearly kill us. That’s what resurrection power is all about: raising the dead.

I love you so dearly.


273 Responses to “Let’s FIGHT for our Marriages!”

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  1. 101

    Holy Spirit inspired. Thank you. This is just the Word from our Heavenly Father I needed. How easy it is to give up; but if only I began to fight with the power of the Holy Spirit. And as you stated to “pray scripture”. A short video with a powerful message; sharper than a two-edged sword. Thank you one million times.

  2. 102
    Traci says:

    I believed with all my heart in the “The Fairy Tale Marriage.” Isn’t this what society teaches us? I was devastated to learn my husband was having an affair…not with a woman, but with alcohol. It was a battle of lies. I couldn’t believe a couple who were dedicated to each other (or so it seemed), and were both submerged in serving in ministry within the church. We had no idea where to turn or how to survive with two children under the age of 4. Addiction has become the ugliest word to me.

    To learn the best recovery programs only have less than a 10% recovery rate and the costs are astronomical. We did not have the source that Beth is passing on. Sadly, my husband could not get help on his own, so I packed his clothes and told him I could no longer handle his lies and the pain they were causing. Trust me that I know they were hurting him just as bad. We had been married 10 years and were so lost. As he was picked up and driven away I instantly became a single mom. I ran to my room, fell to my knees, and begged God to restore our marriage, to restore my husband, and to do what was needed in me.

    He was gone 6 weeks as he was admitted to a recovery program (it felt like 6 years). On his way home I was once again on my knees asking God how He could restore what had been tore apart? I was not convinced my husband could really be changed. I asked God what was to happen? I heard as loud in my ears as if He was sitting right next to me, “You, are to love him unconditionally as I have loved you unconditionally.” This statement was not received easily. Why was I the one who had to love? It wasn’t me who had done this to our lives and our children’s. Obviously I had some issues that needed to be taken care of that I promise you took many years. IT HAS BEEN A LONG HARD FIGHT!

    My husband has been sober 13 years, and in November we will celebrate 23 years of marriage. We have lived in the Grace and Mercy of God each and every day. Sadly, 3 years ago we were presented with one word that has presented our lives with another difficult battle – cancer. I was diagnosed with breast cancer Dec. 2008. I am fighting so hard and my husband is right along my side. My husband is loving me unconditionally just as Christ has loved him. 

    It doesn’t seem fair that we have had to deal with so many challenges (a few I did not list due to space restriction). We have learned that God is faithful through our obedience and trust in Him. He has loved us so. We have had great support through our church but we failed to seek biblical counseling. I support it and highly encourage it no matter what situation, or sin your marriage is facing.

    Isaiah 61 has been the chapter that has ministered to me in so many ways. Verse 3 I have treasured – “To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

    As Beth encouraged we must use the Word to pray over our Siestas no matter what we are facing in our marriages. I just read further in Isaiah chapter 61, verse 7 – “Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; Everlasting joy shall be theirs. (NKJV)

    Hold tight to each other, stay in the Word, and through Him you will find victory! He will be glorified!

    • 102.1
      Lurianne says:

      Dear Traci,

      I’m so glad you shared Isaiah 61:3. If you interested, I would like to share a song with you about that verse. Kindly forward me an e-mail address and I will gladly forward you the mp3 version. Thank you for your sharing your story. God is so wonderful and even though my marriage is going through a tough time, it is so encouraging to hear how God works in other people life’s, restoring marriages and holding us up when we need His presence to desperately.

      Siestas love

  3. 103
    Sharon says:

    Perhaps you referred to this Scripture in your video??? My computer froze the video before I could finish watching it. So… just in case… I find that I MUST post this Word that God’s said concerning this so clearly right here:

    “Remember the LORD, who is great and awesome, and FIGHT FOR your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” (Neh 4:14b)

    Life’s a fight! Marriage is a fight! But it shouldn’t be a fight ‘against’…. instead a fight ‘for’ what Satan’s hope is against. His hope is to divide and destroy us. We’re all in a fight…. we must simply often remind ourselves what we’re to be fighting “for” when the enemy comes against us!

    Fight FOR your homes! Fight FOR your wives (or your spouses)! Fight FOR your sons and your daughters! Fight FOR your (sisters and) brothers!

    Thanks so much, Beth, for your very needy reminder!

    • 103.1
      Valerie says:

      Sharon, I was trying to find that Scripture in Neh. just a a few days ago. I love that and pray that all of us will fight for our families & like Beth said “Make the devil sorry he ever messed with us.”

  4. 104
    JL says:

    Dearest Beth (my siesta mama),

    I just found out about my husband’s pornography and sexual addiction one week ago. Since we are both in unique ministries, I felt I had no where to turn. The hurt, the betrayal, the lies, the devastation to my heart has been difficult. God reached down, in His grace and mercy, and helped me to really listen (without condemning) to the truth that was happening in secret in our marriage, the entire years of our marriage. Only by God’s grace was I able to show Christ’s love at that moment when he finally admitted his addiction.

    Now the emotions are setting in, and it is so difficult. I want this marriage to heal, but how? Where do I go, what do I do?

    So, I opened up the blog AND there it was, some HOPE, somewhere to turn, siestas that are encouraging, that have gone through the same, and are in continual healing. PRAISE GOD!!!

    Right now is the first time I have cried real tears for myself and my marriage. I’ve been in survival mode. For the first time, I feel I have some type of direction.

    PLEASE siestas, pray for us, it is so painful for both of us. When in ministry, who do you turn to?

    So, thank you Siesta Mama, I could use a hug from a ‘mama’ about now, but I know I am getting one from my “Father” in heaven. Jesus will not let go of my right hand, He is gripping me, and He loves me and my husband both. He has shone His light onto the darkness and is breaking a bondage that satan wanted to use to destroy. But my God is HUGE and bigger and is already the victor!

    I think I should probably print this out, because tomorrow is a new day, and this is one day at a time stuff, or I should say, one thought at a time stuff.

    Thank you dear Beth. God heard my cry, you heard His voice, and I pray that our healing can begin. It’s only been one week . . . . and despair can be a tear away.

    I will constantly be ‘tearing down the wallpaper of lies that satan will throw’ and wallpapering my mind with HIS TRUTH!!! That is my first and foremost survival tactic :).

    Thanks and blessings to you and your husband for sharing your truth.

    I kept wanting to write to you personally this past week sharing with you about this devastating hurt and how God used your studies, about how God used the SSMT, to help me to memorize just the right scriptures to bring me through this hurtful time. God prepared me to handle that moment and each day this past week.

    My verses have sustained me, been my lifeline, and God has spoken personally and directly into my Spirit with His Word from just these verses. Wow . . . Since financial difficulties will not allow me to attend the SSMT, please KNOW that this ministry helped me overcome the desire to leave and run. Thank you God!

    • 104.1
      Robin says:

      Help can be found at http://newlife.com/emb/. Praying for you! Listen New Life on podcast or radio and you will find out you are not alone, and there is help out there. The Books “Every Man’s Battle” and “Every Heart Restored” are also very helpful.

    • 104.2
      Destee says:

      Lifting you and your husband up right now in prayer sister. ((((big hugs)))) I’ll also add you to my prayer list =)

    • 104.3
      JL says:

      JL – I just want to encourage you. Our marriage battled pornography as well and we were also in ministry. There were times when I felt like the situation was completely hopeless. But our journey over the last four years has shown that God’s redemptive work has no boundaries and our marriage today is proof of that. As we began to find good resources for Christian marriages struggling with pornography, we felt compelled to compile a list of resources for others. The numbers of couples struggling in our churches is mind boggling. We created http://www.porntopurity.com to be that resource and it has grown to include lists of resources, blogs for husbands and wives, podcasts and more. We try to encourage those who email us to let them know they are not alone, there is hope and victory is possible.

    • 104.4
      Nikki B says:

      Sweet JL,
      I have walked this out while in ministry as have some other precious friends and we will be happy to pour into you. I know how lonely and isolated you feel. There is hope and there is a supportive body around you. Fear not.
      Love to you and hugging you from here,

    • 104.5
      Lin says:

      Hey…I’ve only read a couple comments on here but yours is one of them. I just want to encourage you in your pain…my husband was a porn addict for 11 years or so…we have been on the healing journey for about a year now. He is doing the hard work to break free, and there is light at the end of the tunnel for us. We were also active in church ministry and have had to step away from most of it to focus on our marriage. I just read a book called “Hope After Betrayal” by Meg Wilson…an excellent God centered book that truly is helpful. I would love to come along side you in your pain…I get it. Let me know…[email protected].

    • 104.6
      Joan says:

      JL, I hear your pain and your great sorrow, but I hear your faith and love of Jesus so much louder! May you know his peace in your darkest moments and know that I as well as so many other siestas are in prayer for you daily. I love you siesta!

  5. 105
    rhonda says:

    I have not seen the video yet, but like so many others, I found the timing uncanny. Just this weekend the Lord dealt with me about deciding if I was going to fight with my man, as I had been for weeks, or fight for him. If I was going to use my words to lecture and berate, or if I was going to use them to lift him up before Christ. I look forward to seeing the video (as soon as I can get all these men chidlren in bed:))

  6. 106
    Hurting says:

    I am going through this right now. I need prayer. Worst of all, my husband is deployed and is asking for us to separate when he comes home. I can’t hardly breathe most days. I ran into this blog because God reminded me about Beth doing a study on Him being a weaver. I wanted to find the promises of him weaving us back together. I googled Beth Moore and this is what popped up. Amazing isn’t He!

    I’m scared at the idea of losing my marriage more than I am hurt at the loss of faithfulness. I said for better or worse and I mean it. My heart is on God. I know He has a plan for this bump in the road.

    Please, pray for my husband’s heart to turn back home. I don’t want to lose him.

    • 106.1
      Kristie says:

      Hurting, I want you to know that I have been right where you are with in the last 5 years. Though you may not feel it now there IS HOPE. Jeremiah 29:11 is the verse that got me through SO MUCH on my journey. After my husbands 18 month tour in Iraq he came home & we were separated for another year. Finally God brought us back together, which was my desire. 2 1/2 years passed and things were going very well, so I thought. Then IT happened again. Now we have been separated since June 20, 2010. I am not sure why God still allows me to be married. I have felt the release but the provision for this to pass has not come yet. Which leaves me waiting on God and HIS timing.

      Recently God has been showing me just how wonderful and powerful HE is. And how FAITHFUL HE IS as MY HUSBAND. HE has provided me a house to live in, when I didn’t have the income to support it. Then because I trusted and knew that HE would provide the income to support this and everything else that comes along with it HE brought that job (start Nov. 7).

      I have been remembering all the ‘down’ days where I wondered will things ever get better? How am I going to do this on my own? There is so little hope I can’t even remember what it is like to have hope, what is it? I now hear songs on the radio that I broke down to and cried out to Jesus to and I thank HIM that HE saw me through. I am now a much stronger person b/c of HIM. “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!”

      There were times where I didn’t want to go to church b/c my husband went there with me, he sat there beside me (the day he left). God had me change where I sat. No that didn’t really make it easier especially when they would talk about LOVE & MARRIAGE & FAMILY. There were many times where I would sit there and weep through out the service and many times where I couldn’t handle it & had to get up & leave. I say that to say: stick with it. Keep going, don’t stop! God will give you the right people to see you through this!!!


  7. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Beth, Once again God has used you to encourage me in the area of marriage. While we have not had infidelity in our marriage we certainly have had some hardtimes. Anyway, just knowing that it is normal,I mean the ups and downs and that we are not alone is so encouraging. Also know that God does care and does restore and make ones marriage stronger is so incrediable encouraging to me. Thank you and praise God for what He is going to do.

  8. 108
    Amy says:

    Thank you for your words of encouragement for women in all stages of marriage. My husband and I are in the midst of a divorce that I do not want. It seems daily I try to think of the words I can say to make him change his mind. I needed so much to hear, once again, that only God can work in his life. Your memory challenge has been instrumental in giving me encouragement and strength as my family walks through this time. Thank you.

  9. 109
    sweet anonymous says:

    As a single person sometimes it’s easy to forget that it’s now always greener on the other side. I’ve been praying for you dear married Siesta’s. I pray that Jesus’ arms will be felt by so many hurting hearts..

  10. 110
    Jennifer says:

    Dear Beth, we are a small group of ladies in Central Queenland Australia who have been meeting now through “A Woman’s Heart” and now “Patriachs” (5th DVD) and want to convey to you our love and heartfelt thanks for being used of God to teach from His Word. When you look at the Camera, know that we ozy girls are looking right back at ya and answer you and laugh and cry when theoccasions presents itself. I just know we would fit right in to one of your classes as we have become part american/texan I’m sure. We were hungry for God’s word when we found you and our hunger increases with each lesson we view and study. God bless you Beth, from jennifer, Lesley, Merryn & Val. btw, we are in the process of beginning other classes, some one on one and other where just 2 or 3 come.

  11. 111
    Rhonda Shepard says:

    I’m not a big reader but wanted to share a resource/book for women who are suffering from broken relationships. It’s called “The Little Black Dress” ~Wounded Heart, Healing God. Written by Robyn Light. It’s available at Amazon. The author has been in the field of trauma work (Oklahoma City bombing, 9/11 and others)and is very strong professionally but when her husband leaves her, she begins starving herself and is in deep depression. A friend stops by to lift her spirits, bringing some bags with her containing a black dress, rhinestones and gloves. She instructs her friend to put the dress on, quoting scripture and telling her how much God loves her, how beautiful she is, and that God has a purpose for her life. This gives her the courage to begin healing. The end result is that after she heals, she later invites several women to her home and has a “Little Black Dress” party. Women shared their stories of loss and heartache. Some were motivated to restore broken relationships. It’s a wonderful gift book. The back of the book gives instructions on how to give a Little Black Dress party. With the heartache out there,I see parties popping up all over the nation! Women dressing up, sharing their hearts and how the Lord has healed them. A true testimony of God’s love and the value of authentic friendships.

    • 111.1
      Mary says:

      I love this idea! Thank you so much, Rhonda, for telling us about “The Little Black Dress – Wounded Heart, Healing God.” The title itself speaks volumes.

  12. 112
    Blair Landwehr says:

    First and Foremost, I would like to give the author of my life the credit he deserves for simply being Our LORD. You oh LORD are my everything. I would like to give encouragement to all the women reading this, especially those who are in a time of separation from your her spouse. I am 27 years old and I have been married for 2 and half years. We have spent more time separated than married. Probably the toughest thing I have ever typed, just now. I have lived in every emotion possible over this time in our lives. Currently the LORD has brought me to a place I thought would be a sheer miracle. By the way, I believed in miracles but the kind that happen to other people and certainly not a woman like myself. I am here to say, I am in the middle of one of the greatest miracles I could have not even dreamed. Our father is shaping our lives into one that could only be his craftsmanship. I am here to say to all of you women who believe In miracles but say, oh those kind of things can’t happen for me. I am here to say, change your thoughts. Oh my beloved sisters, I am in a situation in marriage that to any eye is more than likely over. My eyes have even said that before. Please, I plead with you to seek your heavenly father as if you have never before. I have not much to show from the world’s perspective of hope but I have chosen to put-on a pair of new eyes. Eyes that aren’t of this world but eyes of his. Please understand that there is a battle going on in our spiritual realm for your marriage right this very minute. I like to believe angels Have those large foam fingers on with my name on it and the 1 sticking up. I know the same for you. He is faithful. He is steadfast. He is Hope. Your marriage is worth fighting for. No matter if it seems like the only thing to do is tuck your tail and run. DO NOT. Pray instead. Call upon those women who you know have your best interest at heart and have a love for the LORD. Even when it seems like publicizing this could only make it worse. It will not. Pray. Pray. PRAY. Beloved sister, when all else seems to be worthless. Pray. What better a testament to our heavenly father than to have a situation that the world and many of it’s population would believe is hopeless. Put your faith in the author of HOPE. I am sending all my love to you and please know, YOU ARE HIS.

    • 112.1
      Melissa says:

      Blair I just want you to know I am in a very similar situation. 26 years old have only been married 1.5 years and I believe with all of my heart God is going to completely restore our marriage and it will be so much stronger because of this trial. I will be praying for you and please DONT GIVE UP! God has given you an amazing testimony all for his honor and glory!

  13. 113
    Emilee says:

    I am 12 and I obviously haven’t been married, but I wanted to share some encouragement for people going through difficulties and praying for the people w/ the difficult marriage seasons~ no matter how long. I have had someone I {or my parents} barely {Barely being the keyword here! We didn’t know his name.} knew confront us w/ his marriage struggles. He was going to file for divorce. Our family {among others} started praying last December and now their marriage is restored and growing. We are so joyful! We are now becoming closer and closer friends with them and delight in spending time with them. No matter how hopeless you are- No matter how many times it brings you tears- God IS bigger and He answers prayer- In His timing. {{A song that brought me comfort ( and still does 🙂 ) during that time was Sanctus Real’s ”Lead Me”.}}

    • 113.1
      Annie says:

      Emilee, I am 44 and if I had HALF the faith that you do I would probably be in a much better place. I am AMAZED at your maturity and faith. I pray that my 12 year old and other children have the faith you do! Amazing! Feel free to pray for my marriage too! 🙂 We need it!

    • 113.2
      Emily says:

      WOW!!! Your faith is a delight to my heart. I am struggling in my marriage. My husband and I both love each other completely and we both are willing to do anything to save our marriage. We are both on our face before our God, praying for healing, hope and health. God is our Redeemer and I know without fail His plans to give us hope and a future are truth. Please lift us in your prayers. We are ever grateful.

      Blessings of Christ to you and your family, today and always!

  14. 114
    Tanya says:

    Please, please, please pray for a non-Christian couple I know, for salvation and for their marriage that has been and continues to be rocked by infidelity.

  15. 115
    RaeLeen Bustin says:

    R says… You will never know how much I needed this subject! After 25 years of marriage, and full-time ministry, my husband divorced me and married the young lady that he was having an affair with. It was so devestating that all I could do was call out to God continually. For months I went to bed listening to Beth’s teaching on my ipod. I have been a part of the Siesta Scripture group since it started. I have to make myself concentrate on Scripture to make it. I am also in Christian counseling. I am now a single mom, working nights to support my children. I would never have made it without Jesus and Living Proof! I now have an experience with Jesus that I never had before. My children are hurting very deeply. Would Rick Reynolds have material for my situation since my x is already remarried. I plan to attend SSMT in January. I love you Beth!

  16. 116
    Amy says:

    I am a product of AffairRecovery.com and cannot recommend it enough! my husband caught me in an affair back in April and if it were not for Rick and the tools and resources he has provided I don’t know where we would be. still married probably, but not near as far into our healing and recovery as we are at this point. we went to EMS weekend as a couple and I just completed the Hope for Healing group.
    I think in our culture today it’s more ‘acceptable’, for lack of a better word, for men to struggle with infidelity,but if a women is unfaithful it’s a whole other level of scandal. there are so many resources for unfaithful men, and as a wife and mom who has struggled for years with my infidelity and romance addiction (a term I learned through AR), its invaluable to have a place like ARC.

  17. 117
    Jenni Trent says:

    My marriage was ripped apart by infidelity and divorce two years ago. I began praying for my marriage to be restored and took a stand for my marriage, despite being as a single mother of 3 young children. There was enormous pressure to give-up and move on. But, God. My husband was brought home in a “suddenly” when he was hit by a car and broke both wrists last February. We were referred to Affair Recovery and attended the “EMS” Seminar in June. We remarried on our 16th anniversary in July. Since then, we are both actively doing several of the online courses. Neither of us wanted to bury the baggage, but deal with it. It has helped us work through a lot of what Rick calls “short-term instability that leads to long-term intimacy.” I can testify this is a Christ-centered ministry, addressing the actual roots of our issue as the unfaithful and betrayed, which are wrong thinking and our deceived selves. These courses truly teach specifically to how God alone heals and renews our mind of infidelity. To face the battle of keeping my thoughts captive to Christ, I still carry in my purse a print out of Rick’s relapse prevention thought plan with applicable Scriptures. Thank you, Affair Recovery, for what you have done to prepare our hearts and minds for God to work His miracles and mighty healing.

  18. 118
    Ann C says:

    Having endured an abusive marriage in my 20’s, I appreciate you admonishing us to separate in cases of abuse. So many leaders are afraid to stand up and say it. I am now married to a wonderful man who loves me very much. We have our struggles, but thanks be to God, never loose hope that we will work through them.

    I bought the book and cant wait to start it! Thank you for sharing your heart.

  19. 119
    Michele says:

    Beth, Thank You for posting all this information.
    Wanted you to know you prayed over me and my marriage, today, on our anniversary! Thank You!! (You gave us a gift!)

  20. 120
    Melissa says:

    I praise God for this! Beth, thank you. On the night of the 25th (day before you posted this video) my husband told me he was done with our marriage. I am in the position of him being unwilling to work on it. I am so broken and hurt and am running to the Father as fast and hard as I am able. I just started the Believing God Bible study at church and I was confessing not even a week ago to God that I don’t trust Him with everything and that I don’t know how to. I am choosing to trust God with everything and with my marriage and my sweet little boys. I know that He is in control and is for my marriage.

    God will carry me…
    I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. (Isaiah 46:4)

  21. 121
    Alison says:

    Beth, Thank you for listening to the Holy Spirit. His timing is always perfect.

    I have begged God to release me from my painful (not abusive) marriage many times, and He has graciously spoken His word of forgiveness and restoration and Hope every time, over and over.

    Most recently He has vividly shown me my marriage–and my man who does not walk with the Lord–are like the fortressed city of Jericho. And I am the child(ren) of Israel. The first time my marriage fell apart over betrayal, and we separated, was that first time around. The years that have followed, I’ve marched around again. And now, seven years later–I’m not making this up, I promise–the toughest challenge of all came. I am marching around 7 times this year, and I’m in that fourth time around, you know? Can you imagine it? 7 Times around an entire city. And today we are going around SEVEN TIMES! And we are only half way done. I would have wanted to throw in the towel. And I did want to throw in the towel this year. I was really done this time. But God said so sweetly this last week, ‘Just keep marching around that wall, Alison. ITS GONNA COME DOWN!!!’

    I’ve been so encouraged by a song. Music speaks to me every time. The Music Inspired by the Story has a song about Jericho called Bring Us Home. I’m Believing,God, girls! You believe Him too!! That wall is gonna come down!

    • 121.1
      Jennifer T says:

      Alison –
      That is the EXACT same imagery the Lord gave me years ago for my man/our marriage! Big walls are DUST in the presence of our mighty God!!! Prayin’ with you on your march and blowing a trumpet of victory with you, girl!!

  22. 122

    Hi there. I have been growing in God since my husband had an affair with his secretary. God stopped me in my tracks pursuing the info needed for divorce. He told me to wait. I would not go back for anything. My husband became so cruel and difficult. I see now it was to justify himself. He really is a wonderful person underneath the hardness of heart. I could write a book, of course, of all I have learned…God has not told me to divorce. I do question my hearing correctly since it has been almost 3 years. I have seen changes in my husband that I know is God. I am so very thankful to God for handling me with grace and love. He has taught me that He is omniscient and not me!! I cannot afford counseling, so God has been my Counselor. This is a wonderful ministry. I know so many men do not want to be known. My husband will not really talk to me about this. We are separated. It is too long to describe. He is not being near as ugly as he was. I am praying right now for God to open the door to communication. I am missing a home SEC game to be here if God’s timing is right. I am confident in myself through Jesus. He will not forsake me. He will guide and teach me. He will give me wisdom and direction. I am trying to be obedient as I wait. Still, Satan makes me question my hearing from God from time to time. Satan is not omniscient, omnipresent, nor omnipotent. My God is!! God took me to Ezekiel 36 2 1/2 years ago. This is a promise to me to soften hearts for His glory. Praise be to God forever and ever. Wisdom and power are his! I cried just this morning in prayer. It is not because I am weak because God’s strength is mine especially in my tender times. It is because God has softened my heart. I thank God for bringing this out for us to face hardened hearts for His glory. Amen!

  23. 123
    Andrea says:

    Hi everyone,

    I’m so glad this post is here. I’m not able to view the video right now but wanted to share some encouragement I received last weekend at church. My pastor was talking about relationships and here is the jist of the message I received while at service:

    Eventhough we experience hurt, eventhough we all have hang-ups, God can turn those things in our lives around for HIS glory. Yes, this is true for even my life – and yours.

    The reason I’m glad for this post is the reminder of those godly words that our Savior can turn the worst things around for His purpose, for His glory. God did something only He could do when he turned an infidelity into a healing ministry.

    Thanks Beth for sending this post out to us. Thank you, God, for the reminder that all things work for the greatness of your kingdom.

  24. 124
    Jennifer says:

    I love reading about (you) beautiful women who are fighting for your marriages in devestating circumstances. You all are beautiful examples for a single gal like me.

  25. 125
    Jen says:

    This is extremely long (and it’s actually condensed!) But I am hoping by reading this, that those of you out there going through rough times in your marriages will be inspired by the power of the Holy Spirit.

    About 8 months ago my husband came to me and said he wanted a divorce. He didn’t want to go to counseling or work it out in any way, just wanted out. He didn’t even seem like the same person as the one I knew and loved. This was a complete and utter shock to me, because we hadn’t been arguing or having problems at all. Totally out of the blue. Needless to say I was devastated. I couldn’t breathe. My chest literally ached. I called it heart pain. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know what to do. I found out a month later that he had met someone 2 weeks prior to that conversation and had been in contact with her every day since.

    I dove into God’s word, started journaling and doing everything I could to hear Him. I tried and tried to convince my husband to fight for our family and not to let the enemy rob us of what God had planned for us. Nothing was working. The girl he was seeing was on the other end telling him it would be okay, that he was “had to stay true to himself”… (I call her Satan’s helper)Her voice was much stronger to him than mine. I felt defeated.

    I felt like God was telling me to go and stay with my in-laws and wait to see what became of my marriage, but I was afraid to walk away. I was afraid that if I let go of what I thought was “control”, my marriage would end forever. I felt like I had to stay and fight.I believe it was breaking God’s heart to see me that way.

    Eventually, through my journaling, God gave me a scripture: Exodus 14:13-14 “…Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (In my mind I put my husband’s name in place of “Egyptians”)God wanted me to find REST in Him, surrender my desire to control the situation, and let Him take care of my husband. He is the only One that has the power to do so. My only power was prayer. Otherwise I was just standing in God’s way. I knew what I had to do.

    I left the state and went to stay with my in-laws (Satan fought me the whole way – he wanted me to feel like it was hopeless, that my husband was too far from God to come back. There were things that happened and things that were said, in the meantime that made me question my decision, but I eventually followed what God told me to do.) It was never so hard to follow God. I was in so much pain I just wanted to run, to give my husband his divorce and move on with my life. But I went anyway.I told my husband that I had to go. I would be praying for him, and that I prayed that he would find God and come get us.

    While I was gone God prevented me from getting a full time job or doing anything that would give my situation any type of permanency. I tried, but doors kept closing left and right. He just kept saying to be still. I got counseled by a woman pastor twice a week, fasted from secular music and tv, read my bible and journaled every night, and grew closer to God than I ever have been before. Through this process, God even revealed things to me about myself that He wanted ME to change. I felt renewed. I felt reborn. I felt cleansed. I felt protected. I felt peace that I had never experienced before. It changed me so much that it actually made me GRATEFUL for the situation!! I wouldn’t have traded that alone time with God for anything. (Even through this process, the enemy was fighting me, filling my head with anxiety and lies and I just had to keep saying, “No! You will NOT take my family from me! I will NOT let you do this! I will FIGHT for them and will NOT give up!”)

    In the meantime, God was taking care of my husband. My husband hit bottom. He couldn’t stand being away from our girls. He felt as though his identity had completely disappeared. He cried out to God, and finally listened. He called me and said specific things that were prayed over him (I’m talking word for word)… and told me that he broke things off with the girl. He told me that he missed us, I told him all about what God was doing on my end, and he let me pray for him.

    He came to visit a few weeks later and “came to get us”. My husband, me, and my girls all drove home together that weekend. When we got home it took about 6 weeks to readjust. We started counseling, and have since graduated. I have continued to grow in my relationship with God, and have learned to trust him with my husband and my situation. It has been hard to recover from the infidelity, and knowing that I shared my husband with someone else for a few months, but God has been faithful in walking me through it, and He has given my husband the words and inspired actions in my husband that have had healing affects on my heart. I can now honestly say I feel closer to my husband than ever before. We have a renewed peace between us. A renewed understanding. A renewed sense of God’s power. It is beyond amazing to the point that words cannot express.

    After a month or so of being back, God kept putting “40 days” on my heart and I started to wonder how long the girls and I had been gone. I counted the days. 40 days. 40 days from the day I left to the day I returned. How amazing is our God?

    I am now walking through a place of reflection and gratefulness that I have never felt before. I feel like David after he was told the prophecy by Nathan, when he cried out to God, “God, who am I and who is my family that you have brought us thus far?” I feel so incredibly blessed and so incredibly unworthy. God.

    I hope anyone who reads this can find some inspiration though my story. I don’t believe for one second that my marriage is more special than any of yours. God wants this same outcome for your marriage. He is beyond able!

    I do believe that marriages are at war. It is so much easier to run from the pain and give up when things seem hopeless. But our hope is not in our husbands. It is in God. We can’t change our husbands. But God can.

    God’s blessings to you all.

    • 125.1
      Jen says:

      I wanted to add:

      We are now one month away from our 8 year anniversary that almost never happened!!! Praise God!

  26. 126
    Out of the Fire says:

    I was caught in my affair earlier this year and in that moment, I was so lost and confused and had no idea how I was going to face the day no less ever smile again or feel joy. Thankfully my husband was and is a strong Christian man who at once forgave me and began praying for restoration in our marriage. Like you referenced in your video, your husband says “these men are having affairs with women”…. The only thing I could do at that point was turn to God. Yes, I was one of the Christian women seduced through my insecurities and loneliness by satan’s lies. I could not promise my husband that I would stay in our marriage, only that I was giving everything to God and would trust Him. It is so true how our tests become our “test”timony. I never thought it possible that God would change my heart, but through his grace He has. I have learned what Godly love truly is and have been able to view myself and my husband through His heavenly lens, not the world’s.

    But let me say that I feel that it is still such a forbidden topic to discuss. It’s the sin that is easier covered up. There are no support groups for unfaithful women, there are for the betrayed, but both in a marraige must find healing. In my loneliness I began searching online for resources to aid in our understanding of the affair: for me, how I could have done that when I was a Christian, and for my husband, helping him understand the drug of limerance and how I could go back again and again even though I knew it was wrong. In my search I found affairrecovery.com. We both attended EMS in May and I also befcame part of a Hope for Healing group, which is made up of other women who are walking the same path. Rick and that group of women have been a blessing from God to me. We were always there for each other, encouraging each other to keep walking and trusting in God’s promises. I cannot emphasize enough how instrumental AR was in our healing. Those ladies will forever be in my life and heart.

    Another blessing in my life has been participating in a Bible study based on your book “When Godly People do ungodly Things”. WOW, how I wish I had been part of that before I fell into satan’s trap. I feel such passion and fire in the depth of my soul, as a result of the last year of my life, to be there for other women who have or are being tempted to go down that very lonely, destructive road. It’s wonderful to see leaders in the Christian community ready to talk about it, bring it to the open, and love people through the pain becasue it is painful, for all involved, but our God is greater than our pain. I encourage everyone to cry out to Him! He has worked a miracle in my life and marriage.

  27. 127

    I have seen marriages where one spouse is a strong believer, but the other spouse is not, or has other beliefs all together.

    This scripture encourages…
    Wives, fit in with your husband’s plans; for then if they refuse to listen when you talk to them about the Lord, they will be won by your respectful, pure behavior. Your godly lives will speak to them better than any words.
    1 Peter 3:1-2

  28. 128
    Carol Hulin says:

    Beth, Thank You…
    Long before I was a Christian, I lived in a common-law relationship. Now, I have been single for many years. I’d forgotten the complexities of marriage. You have reminded me of that and will be praying for my friends, family and Siestas,that they will know Jesus at the center of their marriages and will seek help when necessary…

  29. 129
    Amanda says:

    I thought I would post to encourage those of you who are contemplating what kind of help and support to get for yourselves and/or your marriages, I found out two years ago about my spouses affairs and subsequently, sexual addiction. I decided to stay and fight for our marriage because of my spouses yearning to heal himself and our marriage from the devastation his infidelity had caused. I’ve taken every single one of the courses offered by affairrecovery.com. I also spent countless hours before choosing them researching online for specialized help for those recovering from affairs/sexual addiction, it is slim pickin’s ladies…I wanted the best help to heal for myself so my baby didn’t suffer from a mama who turned into a bitter, cold witch…and I wanted the best help for my marriage to protect against relapse. Affairrecovery.com has been amazing, for me, my marriage, and my spouse. I felt safe, supported and educated to the point where I could feel confident that my decision to stay in my marriage was the healthy and Godly choice for me and my baby (that is part of the battle…should I stay or should I go??? How do you know???)

    You can check out their online courses at http://affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses — for those who are “in the market”.

    My husband and I went to the affairrecovery.com weekend retreat —http://affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/ems-weekend-retreats — I recommend this also. It’s warm, comforting, hopeful…and educational on a topic that most therapists have no clue how to handle (the first Christian therapist we found was so hateful to my spouse in the first session that I actually left feeling sorry for him!)

    I personally believe the more the better in terms of affair recovery, it usually took years of childhood ick balled up into destructive and confusing adult patterns to get there, it takes a concerted effort and a lot of help to root out the causes and heal these wounds as to not do a repeat 5 years down the road. And also not pass along these wounds to our children. 🙁

    I’m thankful for the work God has done in me, my marriage and my spouse through Rick and his team at affairrecovery.com.

  30. 130
    Kim Vest says:

    Miss Beth, I wonder if I met you if I would just burst out in tears:) My husband, Greg and I have a beautiful marriage filled with IT, but still we want the Lord’s favor to help us to be more forgiving people. Thank you for this wonderful reminder!
    Love to you, Miss Beth,

  31. 131
    Kristi Walker says:

    My sweet siestas,

    I have read these posts over and over the last few days. I cannot tell you how often my heart has been burdened for marriages in the last 6 years. I have told my story here, so I won’t go over it again, but please know that so many of us truly understand the depth of your hurt. My heart genuinely aches for BOTH sides of this coin…the one who was crushed from the infidelity, as well as the one who was, or is, lost in it.

    I am praying for every family and every heart that is broken. Ladies, we have a King who was sent to bind that broken heart up. A King who understands what betrayal feels like and how it hurts. There is restoration! There is hope! Fight, girls! Fight with every weapon at your disposal! You have the most power weapon in the history of the entire universe right at your fingertips! Put on your armor and fight like you’ve never fought before! Don’t allow our enemy to take what is NOT his to take! And remember every single day that Jesus is right there beside you…loving you, healing you, carrying you and HE IS ABLE!

    It may sound trite right now…frankly, I remember that feeling. I was so sure that no one could understand the depth of my hurt and just how lost I felt. But, I was wrong. Just read these posts! So many are hurting…and so many marriages have been redeemed and filled with abundant life and love! I am one of those that have a marriage that is better now than before.

    I am almost overwhelmed with love and compassion for each of you who are hurting right now. My marriage is absolute proof that HE IS ABLE and what’s more…HE IS WILLING! Trust Him like you’ve never trusted Him before. He thinks you’re worth it and He is always faithful!

    I love you guys and I hope we have a cafe in heaven, ladies. I can’t wait to share a cup of coffee and our love stories of Jesus with one another!


  32. 132
    Alisha says:

    Girls. I am the result of a HEALED marriage from infidelity. I can attest to what Beth said as being TRUTH. FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!!! FIGHT WITH PRAYER AND HIS WORD!!!! God is so much bigger than this situation. He is your strength and refuge and healer. God is for you and your marriage. If your willing He is able. To God be the glory.

  33. 133
    adrienne says:

    While totally exhausted, middle of the night, nursing a baby who wanted to stay awake, I walked her out to my husband so that I could get some rest, only to find him in the midst of porn. He says it isn’t truly cheating, although he is well versed in the bible. That was the beginning of years of devestation and what has ultimately sent me into a tail spin, severe insecurity, and feeling just plain unloved.

  34. 134
    Anonymous says:

    Thank you for sharing this resource. I have been the one in our marriage who was involved in a long emotional affair. Fortunately God has given my husband the ability to stay with me and fight for our marriage. However, after two years of it all bring over, very little healing has taken place as we have not gone to counseling. My husband has been ashamed of admitting this to anyone, thinking they will think bad of him. It is also very painful for him to even think of. My prayer is that maybe this will be something he will be willing to be a part of and our marriage can not simply be intact, but can be whole again!

    Thank you!!

  35. 135
    Courtney says:

    Beth, I wanted to give you yet another confirmation of the Holy Spirit’s leading in posting this video! I was driving today for work and looked over and saw a secondhand bookstore in a strip mall that I’ve never noticed before. Having had our Borders go out of business, I’ve been missing a good bookstore browse. So I stopped in…
    Well, in a large store with several hundred shelves of books, there were maybe 4 or 5 “Christian living” shelves. Wouldn’t you know it, that God planted a copy of “How People Change” right there FOR ME! It was $4 and is now on MY bookshelf. 🙂
    I had never heard of that book before you mentioned it and then the Lord “randomly” puts it right in my way. His ways are higher than ours…I love when the Holy Spirit leads even in the smallest of the things–like buying a book…
    He is good.
    Love. Love. Love.

  36. 136
    Blair Landwehr says:

    Thank you for your beautiful story. I know it seems like one that is anything but beautiful. I cannot begin to tell you how it has encouraged me. I see that the Lord is taking what seems to be anything but something one would describe as good and turning it into a testament of who he is and the story of one his daughters and her faith.

  37. 137
    Hurting says:

    First I want to say that I am a christian who has had some struggles in my life with secret alcohol addiction and coming from a not so encouraging family where a lot of yelling has taken place. Unfortunately I seem to have taken on these traits as a mother but I want to break a generational bondage and satan constantly puts a roadblock in front of me. I am married for a second time and I have 2 stepchildren and 2 daughters of my own. All girls. My husband does not have the faith in me anymore that I can change because I have failed so many times before. I so desparately want my marriage and I want a softer heart. I did not even realize I was driving a wedge in my relationship. I have been in counsel for my addiction that I have been fighting for 3 months. I know I am powerless over alcohol and my family. I don’t always deal with life on lifes terms and doing it without the aid of alcohol or anything else compounds all my feelings. I have recently gave it all to God because I can not win this without him. At the moment my husband does not have a job and he has been doing some things here and there to make money while he tries to find work and that is the only reason he is in the house. He has told me my efforts are useless and that I will never change. He stays in the bedroom across the hall from me. I am hurting and in great need of prayer because I do not want this.

  38. 138
    Christy says:

    Thank you so much for stressing to women to be safe. I am a social worker who spent the last several years working with women and children in a domestic violence shelter. Women and children would come to us beaten and abused with hair raising stories and so often would go to their pastors for support and be told they needed to go back because they were going against God. It tears my heart out to watch these people go back, especially the children who always know what they are going back to. And often we never see them again once they are back in the hands of their abuser. So it does my heart good when I see someone in ministry get it right! Thank you!

  39. 139
    Pam says:

    Hey Ladies,

    Good morning, I just wanted to say the marraige can survive after an affair. My husband had a brief affair w/my (use to be) best friend in our 2nd year of marraige. Once he realized that wasnt what he wanted, he ask for forgiveness and I did. We have been married 26 years this year and we have never talked about that time in our life again. The hurt was very real, but the blessings have been so much more. Love My fellow Siesta’s

  40. 140
    Cindy says:

    It was 4.5 years ago when my own struggle with affair recovery started. My husband had caught me in a series of lies and betrayal, which eventually led me to have to disclose all of the secrets I had been keeping for so many years– multiple flirtatious relationships, illicit, inappropriate conversations, and two sexual affairs. I had been essentially living a double life, all the while attending church and actively participating in Bible studies. My life was a mess. And God, in His loving kindness, finally exposed me for what I truly was– a fake. And it wasn’t until I hit rock bottom in utter hopelessness and despair that I was able to begin the long process of healing. As I hit my knees that dreadful day that I had to confess the entire truth of my story to my husband, I realized that I had to want God more than I wanted my marriage. I had to be willing to accept the fact that my husband would probably divorce me if I told him the truth, but I had to want a relationship with God more than a relationship with my husband. And being extremely codependent at that time, I’ll just tell you, it was hard. But it was at that moment that I knew I had to let it go and trust God with the outcome. I completely surrendered my life to Jesus and allowed Him to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and start putting them back together for me.

    Two months later, I found Affair Recovery, and my husband and I enrolled in the online course together called “Marriage 911”. I can honestly tell you that if it hadn’t been for this course and for the patience, insight, and wisdom of Rick Reynolds, we would not be married today. And having other couples in the same situation as us who were able to openly discuss this very painful subject was tremendously helpful. I cannot recommend Affair Recovery enough! If you are in any kind of situation involving infidelity, GET HELP NOW!

    And I want to speak specifically to the women out there who might be trapped in an inappropriate relationship outside of marriage… PLEASE HEAR ME… there IS hope! You are NOT stuck. You can get out of this, but you must be willing to lose it all in order to gain it all, if that makes sense. Allow God to come into your life and fix what you’ve made a mess of. He will. It won’t be easy, and it might take a long time, but it will be worth it. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my own husband would forgive me and that we would have a restored, happy marriage EVER! My husband is not a forgiving person by nature. But by the grace of God, he DID forgive me.

    Today, I live a transparent life. There are no secrets. My husband has access to every single aspect of my life- what I do, where I go, who I talk to, etc. He knows it all. I used to consider that an invasion of privacy, probably because I had so much to hide. Now I consider it a blessing. There is so much peace and joy in being transparent and authentic with your spouse. I want to encourage you today, if you’re having a problem being honest with your husband, get help. You can be restored and you can be healed. With God, anything is possible!


  41. 141
    Valarie says:

    Praise Jesus for this ministry!

  42. 142
    Jennifer T says:

    Momma Beth, this subject is so important to me. SO important. Ages ago I heard you on a radio program teaching about how ‘baggage attracts baggage’ and I thought “nooo, no, no! My DH’s got all the baggage!” You can imagine the journey I’ve been on as the Lord has shown ME, then healed; then searched and shown ME more in me, then worked and healed… and it continues. (praise God!)
    My blessed man is a product of a broken marraige. His sisters have broken marriages. Then there’s us. We seem to knock on the door of separation about every 6 months. We’ve been married 13yrs this December. It’s been a hard and beautiful road. Anyway, what I’ve seen is that they (his wounded family) seems to operate as if forgiveness/reconcilliation would be the most offensive of all responses because that would CONDONE the infidelity and betrayal they’ve experienced. So they cling tightly to unforgiveness. And the gaps widen. And their bitterness grows so that you can almost feel it hanging in the air around them. It is so very, very sad. So far, all I’ve been able to offer is a listening ear and prayer. I am grateful to be able to give one sis-in-law the link you’ve shared. She is only about 5 months into her divorce which came swiftly… suddenly… unexpectedly with a heartbreaking affair. Again, such tender ground. So many nerves and open wounds fresh for injury. And healing. Come, Jesus… come, Jesus.
    Thanks for sharing this post and your heart for ME and MY marriage and for giving me a godly and hope-filled tool to share with my hurting family.

    • 142.1
      Emily says:

      Jennifer T….I feel like you are describing my husbands family. I pray that my husband and I can continue to respect each other and love each other, no matter what. Our road has not always been easy and it has not always been hard. But we both have tremendous love for the other and we want nothing more than to glorify God through all that we do. That alone speaks volumes of the man that I have been blessed with! 🙂

  43. 143
    B says:

    I attended an EMS counseling weekend through affair recovery and it has turned my life around. I had been in an affair with a man from my church for 2.5 years. I was miserable and hopeless, then my husband found out and the misery went to a whole new level. We were both broken and devastated and hopeless. At EMS I had a spiritual transformation, I realized how selfish and empty my life had always been and how I had tried to fill myself in every possible way…except God. The people at affair recovery really know how to step into the pain and brokenness of infidelity and put people on a journey of healing. Not just healing their marriages, but how to become a whole person in God. That blesses a lot more than just the marriage.

  44. 144

    I am so very glad to hear about this ministry. My husband had an affair for ten years with the same woman, and when I found out about the truth of it, we did an in-house separation for two years. We did end up divorcing, but I would tell everyone to do everything you can to stay together. Listen to Godly people, spend every moment as close to God as you can, and give yourselves the chance (chances) to grow back together again. I believe that many times ~ if both husband and wife are willing ~ you can create something new and beautiful together.

  45. 145
    Hope says:

    Reading these responses to your important post and video has been one of the most moving things I have ever read through on the Web. There is such a CLEAR chorus of praise and blessing to the Lord amidst SO many trials and so much understandable lamenting. It’s really extraordinary. I am convinced that the Devil is foiled by the transparent confessions of hearts that are bent and broken before GOD. WOW.

    Beth exhorted us to be encouraging, and I have prayed for 24 hours that my posting here would be an encouragement to someone; because I have what may seem like a strange version of infidelity to tell of, yet there is no question that it is a struggle with just that, infidelity. That and an addictive bondage that began long before I met my husband.
    My husband is a cross dresser.
    From all that a decade of marriage has required I learn about cross dressing in heterosexual men (the majority of cross-dressing men are actually heterosexual), I have seen that it is one of the more secretive betrayals within marriage (even when the wives know about it, it is so shameful to admit to anyone else); and while not as prevalent as pornography, this practice lags behind the more open discussions about pornography in the church. And yet I and thousands of women wrestle against the “other woman” who is, in fact, our husband himself.
    I have learned many things in the Lord through this ordeal. He has equipped me to hold boundaries that I am convicted are honoring to Him (in not engaging with the behavior) while enabling me IN HIS SPIRIT to love (agape) the man He has given me to love and respect. The Lord through His Word has transformed my mind (not finished yet!) to know that my worth and identity is first and foremost in Him, so that I am not crushed by insecurity (imagine your husband being jealous of your wearing the very nightgown you put on to look pretty for him).
    To date, he has not been willing to really get help. As a Christian man, he does not know where to turn; and as a person living in a deep pit, he is not yet truly willing to climb out. To say that it has been agonizing and difficult and isolating would be an understatement. But the fact that the LORD has shown me aspects of the Eternal truth of the calling of marriage and what it is to sow to the Spirit and how He has strengthened and guided me for this journey must be stated as well!
    May we seek Him and find Him in our marriages and in encouragement for others’ marriages, Siestas.

  46. 146
    Nancy says:

    Thank you for sharing this, sweet Beth. I have been going through much turmoil lately with my marriage. My husband has not committed infidelity yet, but he has confessed to coming close to it and our relationship has been fractured for a long, long time. I feel like it’s at a crossroad and don’t feel like he even wants things to work out. I know the timing of your post was the Lord’s and I know it is His desire for us to stay together. I will continue to press on and pray that the Lord performs a miracle. Again, I am thankful for you and your ministry to all of us. We love you!!

  47. 147
    Rhonda says:

    I know it’s been a few days since this blog was posted, but I still want to respond. I could not agree more that the enemy is after our Christian marriages. My husband of 41 1/2 years told me this summer he wanted a divorce. He was a Bible teacher in our church, and as recently as March performed a wedding ceremony for our nephew. He has counseled and married many young couples (& said divorce is not an option). He will not respond to the many Godly men and women who are trying to counsel with him. I have had to go back to work at 59. We are separated and he says he will file for divorce when my work insurance kicks in. He had been planning this for 2 years–all the while teaching in the church and living a lie in front of me. This is the last thing I would have ever believed would happen at this late stage of my life. So yes, Satan is delighting in tearing this marriage apart. I am fortunate to have many Godly men and women to pray for me, and pray for my husband. It has been devastating to me and my grown children. I just have to trust God is in control and has a plan, and none of this was a surprise to Him. Some days it’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. The pain of heart break is an actual physical pain. My future has such uncertainty to it. Scripture is my comfort & guide. It tells me God puts my tears in a bottle (Ps. 56:8), so in my case His bottle overrunneth!!! I pray. I hope. I wait. I try to believe so many who say “it will get better.” Thank you Beth for bringing this subject into the light of day. Praying along with all of you for the health of our marriages.

  48. 148
    Susan C. says:

    Hello Siesta Mama and fellow Siestas…

    I am thankful for this post. It was very timely for me. I read it several days ago, but am just now posting my comment.

    Our situation is unique… my husband is coming home from prison in 14 days. We’ve been apart for 5 & 1/2 years.

    We are both born-again Believers, but often fail in serving Christ and each other selflessly.

    We have many obstacles to overcome – employment for him, especially now with his record, we both have weight to lose (him 40, me 100) and we have a lot of credit card debt… just to name a few.

    I can feel in my heart some hardening, distance from the Lord, some bitterness and resentment over all that “I’ve” sacrificed these last years and some nervousness about us coming together.

    I know all of that is sin. Apathy beckons me.

    I would appreciate your prayers Siestaville.

    Gratefully yours,

    Susan C.

    • 148.1
      Beth says:

      You have our prayers, Susan. I am so touched that you would share this deep need. You are not alone here. And I am so grateful for our Scriptural confidence that God is gracious and capable of astounding miracles. In Him is full redemption.

  49. 149
    Sharoni says:

    WOW! It never ceases to amaze me how many are wounded from lack of fidelity. My marriage is so blessed, but my first was a nightmare of immense proportions, and infidelity was the least of it. However, I know that gut-wrenching pain and anguish and the train wreck of disaster that ensues. The LORD showed me over 27 years ago very clearly that the key to recovery and healing and continued health was forgiveness. We think it is not an easy thing, but in GOD’s grace, it really is. I cannot imagine life without walking in the beauty of His grace daily….moment by moment. Because all we are guaranteed are these moments. In another second, life could alter irrevocably….we never know. So, after 55 years I have learned to rest, really rest in His love and mercy and grace. When the LORD promised to fight for us, He meant it. When the LORD stated that “vengence is Mine,” He meant it. When the LORD tells us He loves us and He will restore what the locusts destroyed, or tried to, He means it.
    Ladies, please hear me…..forgiveness is the key to the heart of GOD in this. And yes, He will empower you to walk in it…it is a daily statement of “I will.” Sometimes when things look particularly ugly, it is a moment by moment commitment to “I will.”
    I love all ya’ll even tho we have not met in the flesh…we “knoweth” one another in spirit and are one. So, my heart feels your hearts and yes, there is another day to breathe and survive and eventually thrive. I live to testify to that fact. GOD is good….He heals and restores. Ok…you’re giving me tears now…so I close.
    Bless you in the Name of our LORD and Saviour, precious Jesus!

  50. 150
    Laurin says:

    I am always amazed how God puts things in my path to get His point across to me. I have felt a attack on my marriage lately unlike I’ve ever felt! And God just really spoke to me through Ms. Beth and it was so much affirmation for what He’s been trying to get through to me over the past few weeks. He amazes me!!

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