Last week I was looking through the drawers of an old desk in our den that has become a catch-all of sorts through the years. Maybe you have one of those, too. It’s where you stick everything you really want to keep but have no time to file. I was searching for a picture of our house the year we bought it so that I could work it into a decoupage of our many years here. Ultimately, I found the picture elsewhere but I stumbled on a treasure while rummaging around in that drawer that sent me into a tailspin of memories.
First, the back-story because I bet some of you can relate.
I well remember being in the throes of family life and wondering from season to season whether or not we’d even make it. Or, if we made it, would we be glad we did?? Life is hard as it is. It’s even harder when two people have as many problems as we did. Both Keith and I brought heaps of issues into our marriage. Some we fell victim to. Some we inherited. Some we created. Some we earned through our own sinfulness and stubbornness. Some we passed right on to our beloved children, God forgive us. Like many of you, the odds were stacked against us and I knew – I’m saying I absolutely KNEW – that Jesus was the only way we were going to make it. Furthermore, He was not likely to do it without us.
The quandary was how we were going to head a certain direction if my man didn’t necessarily want to take the lead. What happens, sisters, when you (who are moms) feel strongly that your children need to be led a certain strong (Biblical) direction but you do not want to usurp your husband? And he’s not feeling so led? Even as I pose that question, I know full well that our simple blog format is not big enough to come up with crystal-clear, no-fail answers to those loaded questions. Yet, it’s part of our family story and a part my man does not mind me sharing. He’s never been much for bull. Or pretense, if you like that word better. Keith walked the aisle as a public profession of faith and was baptized right before we got engaged and, as clearly as I knew, that’s all that mattered. That might explain the timing. Grin. It was real. But it was also a prerequisite.
My man is a believer in Jesus Christ. He bears fruit of the Holy Spirit’s activity. He has often prayed over me and over our family with a power that left me bug-eyed and bereft of natural explanation. But he has still been very much his own man with his own idea of how he wanted to practice his faith. He was a maverick. He’s still a maverick. The harder you push him, the slower he goes. He sets his own pace or he walks alone. He is also God’s chosen man for me…and my chosen man before God. I cannot imagine my life without the likes of Ivan Keith Moore.
Rewind 15 or so years to those days when we had young adolescents under our roof who not only needed human direction (which both parents gave), they needed divine intervention. So did their parents, and in the worst way.
I did lots of reading in those days just like I do now. I’d read about how many godly homes practiced what they called a “family altar time.” They prayed together on a regular basis and maybe the parents even led in a family devotion. We didn’t do anything like that except when we were in a full-on crisis. (I am so thankful that we did it then, needless to say. I don’t want to be harder on us than our history really calls for.) We did a little more moderate version of “the family that prays together stays together.” Keith and I prayed at mealtime with our kids and, then, on numerous other occasions when something called for an extra measure of attention. I guess one of the most spiritual things we did along the way was simply ask for forgiveness when we were idiots to them or in front of them.
I’d long-since been practicing a morning quiet time and certainly prayed for my family members then but I knew that the greater victory in our family was somehow going to involve all of us…some how, on some level. I’d learned through the years that guilt-tripping your husband into spiritual leadership wasn’t going to bear much fruit or last over the long haul. And let me just go ahead and say the embarrassingly obvious. Would the man ever have done it consistently like I thought it should be done???? Could he have lived up to whatever expectation I had? I assure you, this man got more than he bargained for when he married. He had not signed up for all of this.
So, what was a woman to do?
I was stuck on the whole family altar thing. I’d convinced myself that it was the key. (I’m not saying it was. I’m just saying that I believed to the bone that it was.) “Family altar” was the buzz phrase of all the families that seemed to be doing it right. (It’s interesting how spiritual terms have fads, isn’t it?) So I figured out how we could have an adaptable experience without Keith being forced to take charge of it or me taking authority over him in the eyes of my children (or, as importantly, in his own eyes).
I got an idea.
I set up a little altar area on the hearth in our den. It had a journal for recording any prayer requests that members of our family wanted to share. It was solid gold to me. Sometimes they’d write “unspoken” and you know what that does to a nosy mother. What they didn’t realize is that, most of the time, Mom had already figured out that “unspoken” request. I also set out an age-appropriate devotional book on the hearth.Here is a picture of our makeshift “family altar.” The only reason I have this picture is because our dogs loved to lay on the cushion that I’d set out. We used to say they were having their quiet times.
I also got up earlier than the rest of the household in the morning and chose a verse for that day for our family. Most often I’d select it from my own time with God but sometimes circumstances dictated the choice. I’d write the Scripture with a Sharpie on an index card then lay it out on the altar. Everybody in our family was invited to kneel at that altar one at a time when they first got up in the morning. (Well, OK, only Keith was really “invited.” The girls were strongly urged. As their mother, I could full well take that authority over them.) After they read the verse, they were asked to sign the index card.
So, this is what I found the other day in that old desk drawer: Scripture card after Scripture card after Scripture card after Scripture card.
Some of them were signed by all four of us:
It was okay to be a little silly and even throw in an occasional nickname. Keith alone knows why he tagged Amanda as “Rooter” when she was a little kid. Most of our nicknames have morphed into much weirder tags in recent years.
A number of times Keith opted out and that had to be fine, too.We weren’t his boss.
On occasion, it would just be two of us:
Or another two of us:
Sometimes I’d add a little extra encouragement because it would break my heart wide-open with love to see those young teenage girls taking their turns at that altar in their jammies.
One girl obviously didn’t get to see that encouragement that morning.Laughing. I love them both so much.
It was a very imperfect shot at the whole thing. In fact, I can’t convey strongly enough that I hope you’ll receive this only as a simple short story in the lives of God and a family of four Moores. It’s not meant to be an example of a discipline you should take up. It was too messy to turn into a science. It’s just what worked for a season for us. We still made it on the grace of God alone.
I glance back over my shoulder at those turbulent years and recall a home bulging with hormones and woes, fears and foes, maybe too many yeses and not enough nos. Like every woman, I wish I could cut and paste our family story into all that sparkles and nothing that stinks. Like most women, there are a few things I wish I could blot out. Maybe more than most women, I have some sizable regrets. But, that day last week when I went looking for a photograph in that old desk drawer, I found a whole handful of our family life, held it close to my heart, and remembered.
Deuteronomy 4:23 “Be careful not to forget…”
1 Chronicles 16:12 “Remember the wonders He has done…”
Oh, how this post encouraged me. So many times I have tried to push and prod my man into spiritual leadership. Oh, what greater joy when it is the Spirit that leads! I love that you found those notecards. What a beautiful memory and idea for this young mom of two girls!
To God be the Glory, Great Things HE hath done . . . . . .Thanks Beth for the testimony of what God has done and continues to do in the life of your family. Praise the Lord!
Beth, have you ever written a study on biblical submission? When you talked about the quandary of wanting to follow your man, who didn’t necessarily want to lead (despite being a committed, fruit-bearing Christ-follower), it got me thinkin’. Or, if you haven’t done a study on submission, are there specific resources you recommend? I work in Women’s Ministry…in Montana…where we have lots of Maverick Men. 😉
Oh, I love those cards and those signatures . . . even the ones that are absent. I remember from some cassette tape I listened to of yours while I went for walks years ago about those cards. Funny how we walk together.
You do not know how this has blessed me! I have so many regrets over the raising of our children. My husband and I are professing believers and took our children to church and Sunday School as they were growing up. But due to an undiagnosed mental illness, we had a lot of anger issues in our family. We did the best that we knew how, but many times I was playing peacemaker between my husband and the children.
Thank the Lord they are each sold out for Jesus as young adults. I say they turned out so well in spite of us.
So to know that even the Moores had issues throughout their lives, helps me to realize that God uses us despite our shortcomings. Thank you, Beth, for being real with us.
I have been doing Beth’s Bible Study on Paul. Oh, how I loved this morning’s devotion on submission. It brought back precious memories. The best advise I think I ever received about marriage was from a dear old lady, Sister Nelson who has long ago gone to be with the Lord, but her advise to me continues to live on in me. Her advise to me was:
“Let a man THINK he is boss and you can have the world with a fence around it.” Then she would shake her finger at me and say, “Now I didn’t say, let him be boss. I said to let him THINK he is boss.”
I took her advise and have now been married to my wonderful husband, Fred for almost 46 years and can now tell you that I am living proof of what Sister Nelson told me. I have the world with a fence around it with a wonderful Christain husband of almost 46 years to share it with.
The way you share your life is so comforting and encouraging. It means more to so many women than you know. Thank you for being real. Love you!
Too cool:) I love the word love and I love those cards. My husband and I are not even there yet, but that means there’s a whole lotta journey ahead of us. I’m just praying that the end result will be very glorifying to Him. Seeing my husband grow spiritually in an answer to prayer always surprises me, but it shouldn’t! The Lord is happy I asked at all:) Love Him and him (my husband:)
I John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear has torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
I John 4:19 We love Him because He first loved us.
KJV
Beth–I can’t tell you how comforting this story is to me, as we are battling evil bombarding our 14 and 17 yr. old girls right now. This idea sounds perfect for us and I am implementing my own version of it in tablet form. God has inpired me through you for many years now and I am so grateful! You and your precious family are in my prayers! Thank you and praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Deb
I love this post. I have a 9 month old little girl and this is such a great witness for young moms. I hope to have drawers stuffed full of scripture memorized with my little blessing(s)!
Beth ~ thank you for sharing a glimpse into your sweet home. It came at a perfect time for me, a time for the Lord to remind me, we are not the only family going through “it” You shared your family, not only went through it, but came through it. In a time I am finding myself flat on my face constantly, on behalf of my 19 year old son, and feeling like I am the only mother in my “circle of friends who’s heart is busting wide open, because her son, is the only one making bad decisions. Your post has reminded me, I am not alone, perfect families dont exist, but God’s grace does. So, for now I will remain on my face before the Lord for my son, and praise Him, when this trial is over and we can give Glory to God!
You have NO IDEA how much I needed to read this today. I know you posted it as something funny… but I have tears pouring down my face.
I’m a Seminary student, my husband is a pastor, and we have two kids(9&11), and I have so, so often had exactly these thoughts in my head. I’m so scared that we’re messing up our kids. Every attempt to teach them the Bible in any kind of disciplined way fizzles out in a matter of days. I don’t want to be the one taking the lead, but my husband won’t. Anyway. I know your girls are now amazing, God-fearing, Bible-studying women. There is hope!
Thank you so much.
Beth,
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. Being a first time mom,and being from a family of all girls, to a 4 year old boy… I sometimes wonder if I’m doing this whole thing right. On all accounts, as a mom and as a mom to a boy no less. I have no idea what I’m doing, I know that. I didn’t have a good example, so I’m flying by the seat of my pants at times. I tend to let the thought of it all weigh me down and I find myself questioning, “Am I doing as scripture says and training him up in the Lord so that he won’t turn from it when he is old?” It tears at my heart and I so often believe satan’s lies and convince myself I’m failing at it, even though I know I’m not.
I often times stay awake at night praying not only for my son, but for the Lord to convince my husband to boldly & confidently take his place once again as the spiritual leader of our family. I know that it will happen, but it sure can be exhausting at times while waiting. The Lord is so good to give us strength to carry on.
This post was such a word of encouragement to me, Beth. I hope to one day be in a place where we can look back on our family life and see where the Lord has brought us in Him together as a family. Oh what a joy that must be for you. Would you have believed your daughter would be your pastor’s wife one day? 🙂 It’s so exciting and it is just the encouragement I need to carry on & bringing my family with me!
Much Love,
Hollie♫
Beth,
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. Being a first time mom,and being from a family of all girls, to a 4 year old boy… I sometimes wonder if I’m doing this whole thing right. On all accounts, as a mom and as a mom to a boy no less. I have no idea what I’m doing, I know that. I didn’t have a good example, so I’m flying by the seat of my pants at times. I tend to let the thought of it all weigh me down and I find myself questioning, “Am I doing as scripture says and training him up in the Lord so that he won’t turn from it when he is old?” It tears at my heart and I so often believe satan’s lies and convince myself I’m failing at it, even though I know I’m not.
I often times stay awake at night praying not only for my son, but for the Lord to convince my husband to boldly & confidently take his place once again as the spiritual leader of our family. I know that it will happen, but it sure can be exhausting at times while waiting. The Lord is so good to give us strength to carry on.
This post was such a word of encouragement to me, Beth. I hope to one day be in a place where we can look back on our family life and see where the Lord has brought us in Him together as a family. Oh what a joy that must be for you. Would you have believed your daughter would be your pastor’s wife one day? 🙂 It’s so exciting and it is just the encouragement I need to carry on & bringing my family with me!
Much Love,
Hollie♫
That was a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing and thank you for all you do to help people grow closer to Him!!
I have been trying to do this with my girls, ages 13, 9, and 6. Are they too young? How do you “strongly urge” them without flat out insisting? We have pretty much neglacted it completely now. I must try again… Thanks for the example and the glimpse of the reward!! Love you!
Hey Beth,
I just finished watching you on Life Today. You said “Blessed are you when what happens naturally for others happens supernaturally for you.” Many of us who follow you have had the privilege of understanding that all too well. So many people around us have those perfect children. When a child who for whatever the reasons has been a challenge comes to GOD, the feeling is pure joy and delight!
Sue
When it takes a miracle for God to use you, you are BLESSED because you have the chance to see God move in a way others will never see.
Hello Beth,
This quote, and the message that went with it, touched my heart greatly. I married my husband ten years ago with the plan to have children and live happily ever after…. Well things did not gone according to my plan, but I believe that God had a different plan. A better plan if you would. In January I lost my seventh pregnancy, and told my husband that I could not do it anymore. I would love to tell you that I was a pillar of faith, but that would be a lie. There were days that all I could pray was, “God help me,” and He did every time. It was then we decided to adopt. I had always prayed that if God wanted us to adopt that He would bring us the baby, well He did. After returning to work I emailed a friend and told her that we had lost the baby and that we were going to adopt. A moment later my phone rang, it was my friend. She worked with someone whose boyfriend had a teenage daughter that was pregnant and they wanted to put the baby up for adoption. They were getting ready to meet with families, but she had told them all about me and my husband so they wanted to meet with us first. I would also like to note that my friend is not a Christian, but she thought so much of my husband and I that she really wanted them to meet us. We met with them and they liked us and wanted us to parent the baby. The birth mom changed her mind a month later, but her dad asked us to keep praying that he felt that God wanted this baby with us. I prayed every day for her, for the baby and for God’s will to be done. A month before her due date I got a call that she had changed her mind again and still wanted us to be the parents. Isaac was born on June 22, 2011 and we brought him home on June 26th. We named him Isaac, because he was the child that God had for us and because he will bring us much joy and laughter. I am so thankful that God gave us Isaac. He is a beautiful baby boy and I am so excited to be part of the plan that God has for his life. No life did not turn out as I had planned, but then I would not have Isaac and that I could not even imagine. Thank you for your message and for your ministry.
God Bless,
Shannon
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jer 29:11 NIV
Dear Beth,
This blessed my heart more than I could even put into words! You have given hope and encouragement to a mom who’s looking on the horizon and seeing those “turbulent teen years” quickly dawning!
GOD is using you in such a mighty way, and for His glory! Praying for you!
and here’s a hug too! Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! 🙂
tammi
Psalm 37:5
New Living Translation (NLT)
Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
Thanks, Beth, for the encouragement to continue to pray for my husband, whom I have yet to meet. 🙂 And for my children who have yet to be born! What a privilege…