Hey, everybody. I so often wish you could meet the stellar women I get to serve alongside at Living Proof, especially because they serve this blog community every workday in one way or another. They are such incredible women of God and slack-jawing graces to this former pit-dweller. I want you to meet one of them today and hear her very moving story. If you’ve ever mailed a letter to Living Proof, in all likelihood, you have been touched by her. Nancy Mattingly is one of the best friends I have in this world. We have known one another for thirty years, our paths crossing often then ultimately converging in ministry. When we were very young moms, she’d come to my home once a month for a prayer breakfast with other women just like us and we’d sit cross-legged on that den floor, our Bibles wide-open, and seek Jesus with everything we had. We are both fitness junkies. She bikes and runs. I wear out an elliptical and hike. We’re both teachers by trade and by calling. We love music and we love it loud.
Nancy heads up correspondence at Living Proof Ministries. She heads it up because I hand-chose her. And I did so because she is wise and warm and wonderful and witty and compassionate and strong and loving. You cannot know her and miss being touched by her. The gift she has been to me is beyond estimation. My heart fell into my feet in ministry when I realized that the letters and needs filling up our LPM mailbox were more than one person could manage. I wanted to respond personally to the women who wrote in. I wanted them to know I’d heard their stories. I wanted to pray for them in response letters and give them verses that might resonate with their circumstances and challenges. I came to a point that I flat-out could not keep up with the correspondence and still write and teach Bible studies. I needed someone I could trust to the bone to head up that crucial position here at LPM.
And that was Nancy. She has cried with you, laughed with you, written you, prayed for you, pored over every word you’ve mailed to this address, and shared many of your stories with me and with our staff. I love her so much. And you would love her, too. We have been through so much together as a ministry staff. We rejoice together and weep together, laugh till our sides split together and bawl our eyes out together. We have each had several turns being the one who needed rallying around the most. We’ve stood by one another through such a variety of things that I wouldn’t know where to stop a list of categories. But we, as a staff of very close friends, have never been through anything harder than the story you are about to hear. I can hardly type these words to you without crying. I knew that one day – and sooner than later – Nancy would share this story because I know the woman of God she is. I knew God would be outrageously glorified. I knew that this would turn back on the devil and make him sorry he messed with her and her family. And so it begins.
Please meet one of the dearest people on earth to me and to all of us here at Living Proof. This is our friend, Nancy. She has a story to tell you because we at this ministry have not had the luxury of naivetĂ©. We have hurt. And we know that you have hurt. And, because of Jesus, we have hope. And we want you to have hope. We believe that our stories and journeys have been entrusted to us so that we can do what we’ve been called to do: serve women. Serve you. So, today, this is how we will do it.
From Nancy:
Late in 2013, I was compelled to find a particular sign I’d seen a while back. I really didnât understand why, but just knew I wanted it for our family. I needed it. It simply said âit is well with my soulâ. I bought the very last one the store had, brought it home, placed it on the hearth, and announced to my people, âthis is our word for 2014.â
Little did I know how much I would need that reminder.
Every day.
January 28th, 2014 was a day that we will never forget, getting the news that our beloved firstborn son had taken his own life. And just like that, he was gone. And we had so many questions that will not be answered this side of heaven.
I canât even put into words what shock we were in. Disbelief. Pain. My husband and I were at home that day, while all of Houston was shut down for an âice stormâ that never really came to fruition. Our Living Proof Tuesday night Bible study was cancelled for that evening. Â Otherwise, I would have been right there serving with my coworkers. Looking back on it, the cancellation was such a personal gift from Jesus because it put me home with my man where we received the news together. We had just finished some chicken and wild rice soup, and were watching a movie.
The doorbell rings, and I go to answer it.
Two policemen were at our door asking for my husband. (You would typically think something terrible immediately, seeing police at your door, however I didnât, as we had been dealing with the police in the last month over a stolen bicycle. So, for some reason, I thought it had to do with the bike, and cheerily welcomed them in.) It was then that they told us the devastating news of Kyle.
No words.
“If Your revelation hadn’t delighted me so, I would have given up when the hard times came.” Psalm 119:92, The Message
Shock can begin immediately and with a vengeance. And it did. We both had such severe issues, but tried to listen to all the police were telling us. Once they left, I remember that we sat on the couch, held hands, and my very strong husband prayed. Oh, how we needed Jesus! In that moment, and in the days to comeâŠ.
And He was there.
He supernaturally held us through the longest of days and nights.
Through the terrible phone calls to our other children, all living out of town.
Through arranging international travel to get our daughter home from Hong Kong where she had moved just 2 weeks earlier to nanny some children of special missionary friends.
Through the pacing and the arranging and the decisions and the deep desire to go to bed. Then we’d finally get there only to lay there, unable to sleep.
But God Was There.
Whatever kind of believer you are before tragedy happens, you get to decide again after the tragedy: do I believe? And the answer for me was absolutely yes. I had nowhere else to go but my Jesus.
“This I know: God is for me.” Psalm 56:9
People are interesting, especially in the ways they process crises. Some trickled into our home as the news spread. Even in the midst of the first few hours of our new reality, we were able to find humor. And since humor is best shared, I had a dear, beloved life-long friend with whom to share it. We got bent-over tickled over one specific incident, and I realized even then that it was just another grace gift from the Lord. It was a brief respite from the overwhelming grief.
And it set the tone of the year, where we would dance:Â between the waves of deepest grief, and the pockets of joy.
I also found that, throughout my grief, I had to balance my sadness and loss, my overwhelming sense of failure as a mother, and my fear and anxiety for my family
WITH
the obvious care and tending the Lord was doing, the gratitude I had in all that He had given us through our children, and especially through Kyle himself.
I thanked Him for the gift of 32 years with my son. I was grateful, so grateful, for the outlandish gifts my other children were to me. I marveled at this man I had been married to for 34 years and at his ability to articulate all that we were going through. And, I was actually able to see that my son, my beautiful son, was free from what had tormented him.
I could certainly praise my Jesus for that.
Oh, but the loss! And the sheer gut-wrenching longing that he would have received the help so eagerly offered him instead of deciding to be finishedâŠ
“I will offer You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and will worship the Lord.” Psalm 116:17
Can I tell you a bit about my son?
He was a delight from his first moments of breath on this planet. He was full of energy, and when I say âfullâ, I mean over-the-top action all the time. He took me out of my comfort zone in those first years with his outgoing personality and zest for life. Heâd talk to every person we passed during our days of doing life together while I would tend to be quieter and shyer. Oh, but not Kyle. He ran hard after everything that delighted him. And made some noise doing it. He had such a generous heart and an impish grin that really did let you know trouble was coming. School became a mix of many victories and many areas to work on. Though he was definitely high maintenance, he was also highly entertaining. And the joy, oh mercy, the joy! We knew a full measure of joy with this son of ours, and at the same time, we knew our desperate need of Jesus, too.
That truly became our story later in his adult years. While, on the one hand, we watched God give him such beautiful opportunities to share his love of the outdoors with others, we also saw such a need for Jesus to rescue him from his depression and sadness in his last several years. Kyle was a mountain man⊠a very successful mountain guide, ice climber, avalanche educator, and, in the slower months and on the side, he did rope-access work on those huge windmills. He was well-respected in every capacity.
Gosh, even today, the loss can overwhelm meâŠ
“For He Himself is our peace.” Ephesians 2:14
Early on in the loss of Kyle, I made a deliberate decision not to hide. To be honest, I truly wanted to hide but even more so I wanted to see God glorified through some measure of this grief. So, I would post a picture or two on various social medias and share some words. I would do anything to keep some other mother from this kind of devastation but I don’t begin to know how.  What I can do, however, is just trust God to work through my willingness to share. He alone can make anything good out of this story. I realized early on in our loss, that as hard as my husband and I worked to help Kyle – to encourage him and guide him and certainly to love him – that he was an adult and made his own decisions.
While I never, ever would have chosen this story for my precious family, I do get to choose what I do with it. And I get to praise my Jesus. I get to believe Him, even if I’m overwhelmingly sad, grieving, or undone. Bless His holy name.
Thank you for understanding that many aspects of our experience, we simply think are too sacred, too private for sharing or discussing. But what I can say is this: if someone you love is isolating himself/herself, do everything in your power to reach out to the person and pull him/her back into a safe circle of loved ones. I have seen the damage done by the enemy when he draws people in crisis away from their safe place, their safe people. Of course, we did do everything we knew to do in our own circumstance. Just looking back, I so wish I could have changed this outcome.
*May I just enter a note here to those of you who are personally dealing with deep depression, mental illness, chaos in your home or a lack of hope for any reason? Please seek help. And continue to get it. Donât isolate yourself. Believe those who love you when they tell you how valuable and wonderful you are and how much you have to offer. Listen to them and not just to your own thoughts. Trust Jesus. Make plans for tomorrow. Dare to hope.
Do. Not. Do. This. Devastation.To. Your. People.
God has a plan. For you. And itâs good.
“I say: the Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:24
I really cannot tell my story without the obvious truth that without God, Jesus, and His Word, I would have been a literal mess. (Of course many days I was, and am, still a mess, even with Him.) And I canât talk about my faith walk without telling you that Beth and I have been friends for 30 years, and truly, no one on this planet has helped me in my faith journey more than she has. She truly has taught me how to do life as a Christ-follower. By watching her, studying with her, living my life around her life, I have gleaned such treasures of the kingdom. And I am so grateful. (Understatement of the year) Her hard pursuit of Christ, and her lavish love of her Savior have encouraged me, and strengthened me, and I am quite sure compelled me to want the same. My love of Jesus, and people, is spurred on by hers. And if I said thank you every day for the rest of my life, it would not be enough. (I know many of you feel the same way about her and what she has meant to your faith life.) Beth, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! My heart beats even stronger for Jesus because of you, and I cannot imagine my life without Him, or you. Thank you for caring so deeply for our loss, and hurt. And thank you so much for letting me tell a bit of our story here. What a grace gift. We do not want this to be our story, but since it is, we want the Lord to receive all the glory for what Heâs done. For Who He is. Thank you for the space to do just that.
If I may, and with Beth’s complete support and agreement, I just want to address a thought or misconception I have heard from time to time: that, if you are in ministry like Beth is, or work with someone as wonderful as my coworkers, you have no problems. Or, at least, that is what some people have suggested throughout the years. Often people ask how wonderful it is to work here. Donât get me wrong, it truly is. These people at Living Proof Ministries are my family and I dearly love each and every one. We have had so many blasts together. However, being in full-time ministry certainly does not negate any troubles coming your way. All of us here at Living Proof have them. We have heartbreaks and disappointments and burdens just like you do. Ministry does not add a bonus protective-coating on you and your family. It does not mean that you or your loved ones wonât go through the pit of deep despair. I wish it meant that you wonât ever live out your worst nightmare, but it doesn’t. P R A Y for your Bible teachers, your church leaders, your pastors, your ministry teams, worship leaders! Honestly, when you think of them, pray for them! I know it would mean so much to them. You have no idea what they may be suffering privately.
 âOn the day I called, You answered me; You increased strength within me.â Psalm 138:3
I still have so many questions, so few answersâŠ..yet, I can rest in what I do know, what I am sure of:
*God is faithful. He has been in the past, and He will be in the future. So that must mean He is faithful today as well. With Him, I can do today.
*God has been so very near to us. (And I pray the same for you and your family, no matter what you are going through, that His presence with you will be palpable.) And, at times, when I do not feel Him near?  I know without a doubt that Heâs still here with me.
*God’s Word still remains. And is for us in every circumstance. Not one Scripture fell off the page. It stands secure.
*God has never left us nor forsaken us. And I have found that, no matter what, I get to trust Him.
“Give the Lord the glory due His name; worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness.” Psalm 29:2
Looking back, I canât really believe we have survived. Truthfully, Iâm not sure how we did, except Jesus. (Side note here: the Body of Christ – and community – Â is a beautiful thing, especially in times of loss and devastation. Our people came from far and wide to help us, support us, and just grieve with us. Our deepest thanks to each and every person who supported us and prayed for us in these challenging times, sent cards, brought food, texted, emailed, phoned…)
We still miss our son every day. Every Single Day. Some days the pain is too deep for words. But our perspective now is more eternal than ever before. In our ordinary lives, we have this glimpse of eternity, with our son waiting on the other side, and we long for that. And we long for Him: our Jesus. And He is the Only One to satisfy that longing. Let Him do that for you today.
“for You are their magnificent strength…” Psalm 89:17
Thank you for listening. We at LPM care so very much for each of you and truly want to see you find full freedom and victory in Jesus. No matter what comes your way, choose Him. He is so very faithful.
With Love,
Nancy
Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t begin to imagine the horrors & devastation of the last year for you & your family. Two of my daughters-in-law have lost brothers to suicide. One of the mothers is continuing to have much turmoil in dealing with her great loss, even after 10 years. Even though Jesus is a very real part of our entire family & theirs, it seems that satan continues to whisper his lies to her. I will send your story to my daughter-in-law & let her decide if it can possibly offer encouragement to her mom. May God continue to offer you comfort & peace as you remember your sweet son & the joy he brought into your family, & may He continue to be praised & glorified as you share your pain with others.
I can certainly understand her turmoil. oh, how sorry I am to hear that two of your beloveds have experienced such pain and loss! The fight is real, and it’s so hard to love so deeply then lose them. so so hardâŠ.Thank you for your kind words, may God bless you.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My tears for you are from knowing what should have been preventable It has been 5 yrs since our adult son passed away. He was very successful & well loved & respected but alcohol leading to severe type 1 diabetes cost him his life. I wouldn’t wish the pain of that news on any parent. Without the Lord we could not go on. You will be OK by God’s grace but through many tears to come because love for a child does not die. My prayers for you & your family.
Oh, Jeanie, I am so sorry your heart knows this loss too. So devastating, right? Yet in the darkest of places, His light still shone. And kept us. Stayed us. And gave us just a glimmer of hope. Praying His hope for you this day. Thank you for your kind words. and prayers.
Nancy,
Thank You for telling your story and sharing Kyle with all of us here. Five years ago on March 18, my 3 children lost their father to suicide. He was also 32 years old. At the time I truly was not walking in faith. However, without a doubt I knew that we needed Jesus in our midst to get through the heartache we felt. My children at the time were 11,9 and 3. We have gone through some rocky roads, but they are now thriving 16, 14 and 8. Praise the Lord He heals wounds so deep no one can see and comforts us when nobody is watching.
If any one is suffering in silence, please seek someone for help. You are never alone in this world. As my pastor says, as long as you have breathe in your lungs, God is not done with you yet- you have a purpose!
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalms 46:10.
You and your family will be in my prayers.
Oh, ElizabethâŠ.my heart just fell to my gutâŠ.I am so sorry to read the words that tell me you understand our pain. so very sorry. I already know you are hero in the faith – this – “Praise the Lord He heals wounds so deep no one can see and comforts us when nobody is watching.” Beautiful. and yes, praise Him. For your hope. for my hope. I am praying for you and those three precious children. May they fully know God’s great hope.
The courage and transparency of your testimony is God glorifying. Glory is at stake Romans 8:18. LPM, I think you wrote this to me …and it really helped me. I say it to you with that hope.
I pray you feel the LOVE OF GOD RIGHT THROUGH YOUR HEART…and your Spirit lifted by His SPIRIT …(from Hillsong How I Long For You).
I read this blog before I went to sleep last night and briefly responded. Our responses seem so inadequate and risky bc I sure do not want to add to your pain! I woke during the night still grieving with you and trying to pray for you and trying to put myself in your position and the heart break….as I think of how hard and seemingly unbearable such a loss would be…. I pray all the prayers going up from your testimony will lift you above the grief and give needed reprieve!
How hard! Your ministry to people like me that have fought for life regularly and fought to believe God for redemption has and is significant! How like the enemy to try to undermind your confidence… giftings and try to bring forth lies and division between you and God. Blessed are those not offended….So glad your heart is steadfast on trusting God. In those moments where you are attacked unmercifully and tempted to believe lies… I pray GOD KEEP YOU BELIEVING HIS GOODNESS despite this loss! Please know your help to “countless” hurting people has been used mightily …. I say this bc it is true in my life and I’m sure many many others! May the LORD comfort and carry you! In His Love, 1 John 4:16
Sweet Nancy. What a beautiful story. Filled with sorrow and pain but redemption none the less. I work in mental health and have fought my own battles with depression so your story just speaks volumes to me. And as a parent if two special needs kids who are both really struggling right now and as a mom who doesn’t always understand or even pretend to understand why God doesn’t take away their trials and pain regardless of countless hours of prayer and begging – Well my heart just cozies up to yours knowing that although my mom grief is very different, I’m certainly not alone. Big hugs to you and your family. You are brave and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this piece of your life with us. It means so much to me.
No, Stephanie, you are indeed not alone. And I am praying for you. right now. For His strength and hope to be yours. in every moment.
“my heart just cozies up to yoursâŠ.” love this. I feel it too. We survived something huge. and are surviving. God bless you, sister in the faith. God bless you big.
Nancy,
Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot even begin to imagine the depths or the breaths of your pain. Thank you for sharing that we have a choice in what to believe about God in and through the face of tragedy. Praying for you and your family in a special way today as you continue to live life without your beautiful boy.
Thank you, Jeanette, for your sweet words. and prayers. They mean so much. God bless you deeply.
Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your story! God bless you for allowing your pain to be for His glory.
Depression runs in our family as well. God has given me victory but my son still battles it daily. I am praying that I can help him through it. He has been called into full time ministry so this is doubly difficult for him to deal with. Suicides also run in our family. I pray for him…I am so burdened for him. I don’t want him to become so overwhelmed with it all that he can’t see any light.
What amazed me when I opened up about dealing with depression is how many people opened up to me about theirs. God uses all of our pain where we can be an encouragement to others–if we allow Him to guide us.
I will be praying for you. You have no idea how many you have blessed by opening up, being vulnerable and sharing this. Thank you.
We as women have been superbly, undeniably blessed by all of you at Living Proof. We would be remiss in thinking that your lives are all “glamorous” and you live protected lives. Nothing could be further from the truth. What you do is hard work. Ministering to women is messy. It drains emotionally and physically. Thank you all for your sacrifice and willingness to serve. You all are dearly loved more than you know—even though we don’t know each of you individually. Thank you for your unending encouragement and may God strengthen and encourage you as well.
Your Sister in Christ,
Sheila
Thank you for your gracious words, Sheila, just thank youâŠ.blessed by your encouragement and understanding. God bless you.
Nancy,
Thank you for your willingness to “Praise Jesus in this storm”! I know The Lord will reach many people through this awful tragedy. My family too went through this tragedy. My sister -in-law died of depression, that’s what I like to call it. The word, “suicide”…brings so much more pain and emotions I never knew existed! I have a fairly large Italian family, and my sister-in-law left 2 sons and two twin teenage daughters. Ten months after this horrific tragedy, one of my high school friends also died of depression. Speaking at two funerals on the same subject, is too much! As I read your story, I cried with you! I can relate to your willingness to choose to believe God in and through this! Though it is hard, and many days I’m “not feeling it”… I still choose to believe Him to be faithful!!!
MUCH LOVE
Yes, agreed that it is just too much – and so sad to hear of your losses. So very sorry. I pray for those left behind, especially the children. Hard enough to process this as an adult, but children, Lord, please have mercy! I am praying for you and these you love.
Thank you for being brave and loving enough to put this loss out there for others to learn from and be blessed by. Your story is such a strong vivid reminder of the beautiful and incomprehensible ways that we are loved and supported by the Almighty.
I don’t know how other folks deal with these tragedies in their lives without God. It’s hard enough some days even when you know He’s there!
Blessings to you, your family, and all who dealt with the loss of your beloved young man.
Thank you so much, Beth. God bless you for your kindness. (and I don’t know either, how those without Him survive such devastation! i can only hope and pray they turn to Him!)
Oh Nancy, thank you so much for sharing! My sister’s only son took his own life this past Christmas Eve following our family Christmas get-to-gather. Such shock and grief for our family! He left behind a beautiful wife and precious 6 year old daughter, whom he loved very much! So much of your story is like theirs. I will definitely share this post with her; knowing it will bring her encouragement and comfort hearing from someone “who has been there”.
Nancy, may The Lord continue to strengthen, comfort, and hide you in the shadow of His wings! Our Lord is Faithful! What a testimony of your faithfulness to Him during these difficult days and He is using your story to encourage others!
Thank you Beth and the staff at LPM! Your ministry has touched my life beyond measure! Beth,
you are my mentor through the Bible Studies. Your love and passion for Jesus and His Word
has set a flame in my soul as well!
Janet
Janet, oh, how I hurt for you, and your family! i just literally gasped out loud reading your comment. Please hug your sister for me, and tell her I am praying for her. God be so very near, and do what only You can do in a broken heartâŠ.
Nancy, He has made you brave. Thank you so much for sharing your story; I’ve prayed for you and your precious family since reading your words last night. Kyle was such a handsome man, and I bet he was the most darling little boy! [It is obvious He has gone before you and is making the rough places smooth; He has shattered the doors of bronze and cut through their iron bars. He is giving you treasures of darkness and hidden wealth of secret places in order that you may know it is Him, the LORD, the God of Israel who has called you by name. –from Isaiah 45:2-3]
Melanie, thank you so much – your comment made me grinâŠ.he was indeed the cutest little boy. Absolutely darling. And so full of joy. Thank you for caring.
Nancy,
This is one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. Every life is so precious. Our hearts and prayers are still with you.
Thank you so much, Michelle. Your prayers mean so much to us.
Your well spoken words touch my heart with encouragement to hold on to what we know to be true in times of real trouble and pain. Our Savior redeems all.
Thank you for sharing,
God bless you today with all that you need to continue in faithfulness to Jesus.
Susan
Thank you, SusanâŠ.so kind.
NANCY!?!! – God’s timing/your article about Kyle was like a sledgehammer to my heart – I sat here reading your words that for the most part could have been penned by me, and I KNOW YOUR PAIN!!. I KNOW YOUR PRAISE!!. I KNOW every emotion you have had and currently still experience.
You see, my 33-year-old son, Cole, chose to take his life – July 13, 2014. He would have been 34 years old in August. Although very gifted and talented, he suffered from chronic depression/anxiety since he was a young boy. We, too, as his family can look back and see times (many) when we could have done things differently, (an understatement to be sure), but we have learned to also accept the fact that Cole was a grown man; this was his decision, between him and God. We could not and cannot know the depths of his torment.
In the early days soon after, I cried out to God “LORD, we have prayed for years, prayed for Cole’s healing and happiness, why didn’t you heal him?”……and gentle words were impressed upon my soul: “Child, he IS healed and here with me.” His words put me on the right perspective path.
I work from home, totally isolated every day all day until my husband comes home from work at night. I question my purpose, my total identity, and how I can help others who, God forbid, experience this tragedy after me. Yet God told me “you are right where you need to be…” and I feel that two words hover beyond that sentence: ‘for now’.
You see, Nancy, your words hit me like a sledgehammer, because they specifically were words for me to read: as validation from God that I am right where I need to be, experiencing the same raw emotions as you do, gut-wrenching sadness and loss, delight in the midst of agony that my son is with his true Father (yes, Cole was a believer)…that He and I have been together in this little room/office since July 2014 working through all the pain.
Just know that I am so sorry for you and your family’s pain, yet your words came at just the right time for me and my family, if that makes sense. One day I hope to be that light in some way to someone else.
God is good.
With love,
Amy Jobe Frahm
Oh, Amy, how sorry i am for your loss! You are still very much in the thick of that first year, which is brutalâŠ.Know that I am praying for you right now, and asking God to surround you with His peace, and comfort. May He truly bless you with these in the midst of your pain. Thank you, though, for bravely commenting – I am blessed to know that this testimony is helping you in some small way. Focus on what you know, dear sister, on Who you know, and rest in Him. much loveâŠ.
Nancy,
Thank you for such tender transparency. I’m sitting here trying to type, but the screen keeps moving in and out of focus with my tears. Trusting Jesus to bring such beauty from such brokenness. You are right – no Believer is immune from deep grief, but thankfully, we all have access to the deep well of Living Water to drink fully of His life and healing. One moment at a time. Much love and hugs, sweet Sister.
oh, Paulette, such a blessing your words are to meâŠ.thank you. God bless you.
Nancy, thank you for sharing your story. It touched my heart so deeply. I, too, have had family loss by suicide. My nephew and then his mother (my sister). It hurts deeply. My sister knew Jesus, unsure about my nephew. I live with an alcoholic who is headed to his fourth DUI if he doesn’t stop (ugh..). Unsure where my life is headed at the moment. I don’t believe in divorce, just very frustrated.
Thank you for giving me words of hope. My hope rests in Jesus and only Him.
Diana, I just don’t even know what to sayâŠ.I’m so very sorry for your loss of your nephew and also your sister. And your situation now, well, I just pray God’s very own peace into your life and situation. May He comfort you, and guide your every step. God bless you, thank you for sharing.
Dear Nancy,
I am so sorry for such a painful loss. And so grateful that you shared your story. I talked with you briefly at the first SSMT celebration event, and you were so sweet to me. Thank-you for sharing; I believe and pray your words will be powerful light to someone who is hurting so deeply.
I will pray for God to continue to hold you and your family so tightly that His presence is palpable, and to bring so much beauty from this situation.
Much love,
Adrienne
Thank you so much, Adrienne, for your kindness and your prayers.
Nancy,
I’m so thankful that you allowed God to lead you to share your story with us. I have a small canvas painting with “It is Well With My Soul” written across it, and it serves as a daily reminder of God’s faithfulness and grace through both the best and worst of times. I need the reminder every day as my marriage and family are currently under attack. When I read your words, the sorrow intertwined with the comfort that only our loving God can provide, your pain covered by his unfailing promises, I am strengthened. I’m in my first few months of following the LPM blog and a first-time Siesta. I cannot even put into words how much this has meant in such a short time. I praise God over and over for all of you! May God continue to hold you close in his loving, all powerful arms and love you as only He can!
Well, first of all Dawn, welcome to this beautiful community! This is such a great group of people here, and we are just nuts about them! You may enjoy going back in the archives and reading the various posts to get to know Beth and all the siestas better. I am so sorry to hear you are in such a tough place right now, but I thank you for sharing. I am praying right now that God will bring a breakthrough in your situation, and victory will come, in Jesus’ name! God bless you, precious sister.
Wow! I really have no other words except to say thank you for sharing. Love and prayers to your family! You don’t know how much your words have helped me today.
God bless you, Melany, and thank you for your sweet words. I hope and pray that the Lord ministers to you in a very personal way.
Nancy, I’m so thankful to meet you and grateful that you shared such an agonizing part of your life. A friend of mine had a son who also took his own life. It’s just so agonizing that words can’t quite explain it. It’s agonizing to watch someone hurt so bad. I admire your faith in Our Creator. I admire my girlfriend’s faith and courage not to hide either. She started a support group that meets monthly for survivors of suicide.
Blessings to you and your family and the whole Living Proof staff. God has used Beth and all of you to grow my relationship with Christ. Thank you all so very much!
Love you all and pray for you daily.
Thank you, Dana, for your support and encouragement. I hurt for your friend, but am thankful that she is close to the Lord, and able to share her story to help others. God bless you, and thank you so much for your prayers.
Nancy – One of my sweetest memories of all you wonderful LPM girls is when we worked Beth’s books/products table when y’all came to Georgia for the “So Long Insecurity” Conference. I’m telling you – you won my heart that day. You are a precious lady, full of the kindness of Jesus.
Thank you for sharing Kyle’s story with us and for the passionate and beautiful way you did so, to bring hope for others to see that even in the darkest places we can still see the light of God’s grace.
May Jesus hold you so tightly as you re-live everything through this time of sharing. Thank you for comforting others with the comfort you and your family received. 2 Corinthians 1:4
I sure love you!
GJ
PS – Thank you Beth for all you do and for giving Nancy this time to share. You are a treasure.
Ah, Jan! I remember that experience, and loved every minute of it! You are dear to us, and I certainly thank you for your kind words, prayers, and encouragement. (should i salute you or something since you are the Mayor?!! grinning) much love.
Thank you for sharing Nancy. My daughter passed away in 2010 due to complications from AML and a stem cell transplant. She was as beautiful and wonderful as your son. She met her diagnosis with the strength that could only come from God. My prayer for you is that God shows you how he can use this for His Kingdom. He’s continually showing me how He has used Kristen’s death to bring others to faith. John 12:24 has been resonating with me during this Lenten season. “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” Thank you Lord for producing fruit from even the worst the world can throw at us!
Jill, I am so sorry for your loss. truly, it’s amazing our hearts can continue to beat, isn’t it?! I literally felt such painâŠ.I know you know. I love that verse in John, thank you for sharing. and praying. God bless you in the work you are doing for Him.
Oh, Nancy. My heart aches with you. Thank you for sharing what had to be the most painful thing you’ve ever written. Oh, that you can still believe in his goodness. That is a testimony of the greatness of our God. As a parent, what you’ve experienced is unthinkable to me. I’ve gone through other unthinkable situations with other friends. This Easter, I will be more thankful as I celebrate with my children. And I will love them more fully and accept them more fully…. And I will keep trusting God to protect them. Where else can we run but to Him?
Indeed, Lynn, where else can we run but to HimâŠ.thank you for your sweet words. It is as awful as imagined, yet somewhere in the midst of the deep darkness, is the Lord, and that’s when you realize you may survive. He is our only Hope. much love.
Thank you for sharing the hard stuff. I love your choice of words–pockets of joy. May they be multiplied in your life.
thank you so much. I am praying pockets of joy right back on you. really big pockets. đ
I have no words other than to say that my heart is both broken and restored by your story. You have blessed me more than you will ever know. God bless you!
Kimmie, thank you so much. God bless you.
Nancy my heart goes out to you and your faithfulness to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Our family in 2011 was given similar news that our 32 year old son had been murdered in our town of Charleston, SC. There is no explanation or words that we can use to explain the reaction to such news.
It Is Well With My Soul has been a balm to me and my broken heart repeatedly in these years that have followed. God is so good. He is the only answer to a situation like this.
May God continue to hold you close and daily lift you up in His love and grace.
Harriet, i just don’t know what to sayâŠ.i am so so sorry for your brutal loss of your beloved son. so sorry. I pray His supernatural peace to your heart. God bless you and your family.
Brave, beautiful and deeply from the heart & soul. Share, and share again. You both have such a calling to take us beyond where we are to a place of deliberate believing and knowing that the grace of God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. In the rising up, the falling down, he is with us.
Thank you hardly seems to be the right words here for all two of you do, but — I thank God for your ability to share and impact us from the deepest part of your soul so others may truly know him ~ soul to soul, heart to heart!
Love, hugs and blessings,
With a Rejoiceful Heart,
Lisa
Lisa, what a lovely comment, thank you so much for sharing. It is truly a joy to serve you, all of us at LPM LOVE YOU LADIES. Thank you for being so gracious to me in this post, in our loss. May God be honored.
I’m so humbled that you would share your tender, tragic, and beautiful story with us. I was truly touched and I’m so sad, but yet so happy that you look and look and point and point to the Lord. Thank you so very much. Truly a light shines in the darkness.
Thank you so much, truly, for your kind words. May God be praised, and honored.
Nancy, Thank you so much. For all of us that suffer, we are not alone. For all of us that would not choose what’s in our life. For all of us, that did what we knew to do. Praise Jesus. Trust in Him. He is good.
Thank you for your sweet comment, Laura. Jesus is indeed good. so very good. Praising Him today, no matter what.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Each and every one of us has a big hurt at some point in life, often several, and, most of the time, the only choice that we have in the hurt is how we will respond. You responded by falling back on Jesus and that is what needs to happen but, too often, does not. Almost 12 years ago my extended family hurt me & my immediate family very, very badly. My immediate reaction was to want to curl up in a ball & stay in bed that way. However, over time I learned to turn it all over to Jesus & He has redeemed every bit of the hurt. It doesn’t make the pain go away entirely but, in redeeming it, He has given it a purpose. That sounds to me like what He has done for you & your family through this awful, awful hurt. When you have a purpose in your pain you can, with God’s help, deal with it.
Cindy, thank you so much for sharing. Yes, i do think it helps to have purpose, something to DO with your pain and loss. Someone to serve through itâŠ..I am sorry for your own pain, but so grateful for the redemption that has come to you. God bless you.
Nancy, thank you for sharing. My sympathies — what you said, about 3/4 of the way through…about how we still have hurts, burdens, and disappointments as we walk with Christ in ministry – –thank you. In the past 4 years, God has raised me up to a level of ministry that I never expected. It has come too …because of a loss or an earthquake bur in the reconstruction and redemption, I am a new woman – eager to be ‘like BETH’…and now ‘NANCY’…I want to see my story used.
BTW – thank you- as I have written Beth 3x in the past 4 years and I believe you answered each of them — I have them saved in my scrapbook box. EAch time I wrote a letter, I pleaded with God that ‘Beth’ would be the one to see it — and each time, HE did not favor me with that ….but EACH time, the letters were returned with HEARTFELT encouragement that I treasured and saved. I was truly reading from a woman that DID care and it MEANT so much!
Thank you SO much.
Again, I will look forward to meeting your son in heaven! Amen.
Michelle Pritchard
Okeechobee, FL
Michelle, thank you for your sweet comment. And for caring for our loss. I appreciate your kind words and generosity of grace. May God truly bless you.
Nancy, thank you for sharing your pain, redemption, and eternal hope with us! Thank you for your faithful service to LPM and to the kingdom all these years. We praise God for you and for His beautiful handiwork in your family’s testimony!
Thank you so much, Missy, for your sweet words. I am grateful for the opportunity to share, and ask that God be glorified. You are such a blessing, thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this Nancy. You and your family will be in my prayers. My family and I have been going through a series of disappointments that are in NO way comparable to your loss but I truly feel that God led me here today to be encouraged by your words. To be reminded that each and every day I have the choice of what to do in the wake of my circumstances, will I continue to believe in God’s faithfulness? It is a choice to be made every single new day and I am thankful that I can say YES! God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow! Praise our Lord he is faithful! Thank you again đ
Oh, how I thank you for these gracious words. You bless me, especially with your prayers. Praying for you and your family right now. May God move mightily in your situation. God bless you.
I so appreciate your prayers Nancy. Thank you again đ God bless!
Nancy,
I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide puts such a horrible twist on the loss of a loved one.
If you are ever in Austin on a Tuesday night we have a group for the loss of a loved one to suicide at the Christi Center. It is free and open to anyone who has this particular loss whether child, spouse, parent, friend, etc.
Prayers for you and your family for healing and peace.
Hi, Elaine, thank you for your comment. I so appreciate your care, and kind words. Thank you too for the invite, I appreciate your welcoming offer.
Nancy…thank you so much for sharing. Through your words I am reminded today just how faithful our God truly is.
Blessings,
Kimberly
Kimberly, thank you for your sweet comment. I am blessed to serve you, and remind you of God’s great faithfulness. His best to you.
Nancy,
I wish you were near to give you a warm hug. And I’d probably dampen your shoulder
with my tears. Thank you for sharing a very personal pain from your heart. My love goes out to you and all your family. We too have a son who struggles with depression, anxiety, discouragement, and has had suicidal thoughts. Just when you feel a “reprieve” the Spirit alerts me to do battle in prayer. My only solace has been the LORD and the comfort of His Word in those days of distress. He is Enough !! That helps me focus on HIM and put my son at the foot of the cross with trembling. God gave our son to us and He loves him more than we can ever know.
I teared up when I read of your signâŠIt Is Well With My SoulâŠOur church sings the contemporary version. I sing it out with a “lump in my throat” fighting to speak the words it is well with my soulâŠone of my favorite lines in the song is: ” the wind and storm still obey Him” He only gives no more than we can handle. And as in your walk; the grace to get throughâŠ..El Shaddai is His Name.
What would we do without our dear friends who God places around us for the valleys we all will face ? He shows up thru them time and time again. Praise His Name.
Again thank you for sharing your affliction with each of us. God be with you dear sister.
Until that day when you not only see the face of God , but the young man peeking behind HIs shoulder KyleâŠ.The reality of your mourning will turn to JOY !!!! He had led the “captive” Free
Looking forward to seeing you in heaven if not in the “clouds”âŠMaranatha
Warmly
kathy
Kathy, thank you for sharing, and for telling me of your son. I’ve stopped right now and prayed for him. Oh, how I hope and pray he finds his peace in the Lord. I pray for your heart, too. I know how difficult the daysâŠ.and nightsâŠcan be. May His peace literally be a banner over your household, and in your hearts. Stay in the Word, sister! May God richly bless you.
Ohhhh…….My heart just aches for you, Nancy…….God bless you and thank you for sharing your story with us. I will pray for continued healing and strength and peace for you and your husband and family through our Savior. May His blessings be upon you, Debbie
Thank you so much, Debbie, your kind words bless me. And I am humbled by your prayers. What a gift, thank you.
Nancy, I want to drive down to Houston and hug you. Thank you for sharing your heart. I hold it tenderly. It is so hard when adult children make decisions we don’t agree with or understand, especially ones we nor they can take back. You have encouraged me so much this year–through a correspondence in November with suggestions and prayers. You truly make a difference.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss, Your honesty, courage and faithfulness are such an encouragement.
I think of Ruth when she said, “I want your God to be my God.” I want your kind of faith, wisdom and maturity.
Blessings,
Terri
Terri, I am so touched by your comment, thank you sweet one. May God surround you with His very own peace and joy.
Nancy,
Thank you for sharing ABOUT your son! I love that you wanted us to know about the man that he was, and his zest for life and his love of the outdoors, and all such great things about him. I believe even this part of your response honours God because you are honouring your son as a person and celebrating all the good that was and continues to be. It also shows your depth of love for him and all that you have treasured up in your heart. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor 4:18) Praising God for resurrection power today, when all will be made right and what is currently unseen will be seen.
Bless you dear one…dear Mom…for your unconditional love of one unseen.
Amen!
Amy, thank you for your words, such kindness and compassion. May God be honored and praised, even in our suffering. God bless you, sister.
Nancy, What a Beautiful man your son Kyle!
He looks like his momma – such a tender sparkle.
So sorry for this turn in your path.
Thank you for your willingness to share so soon! Thank you for loving Beth so much to trust your story with all of us.
I want to give you a hug, hold your hand in prayer, to wipe your tears, but we will never meet here; know your story is precious and although I have not walked your path, I appreciate how quickly life can change.
Thank you Nancy! “May the GOD of Hope Fill you with all joy & peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with Hope by the Power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
You are too kind, Diana, thank you for your sweet comment. Looking to Jesus every day. I never don’t need Him. God bless you and yours.
You have told your story with such grace, love, and courage. There is a lot we don’t understand, and thankfully, we can still receive His peace in the midst of the pain. Blessings to you and your entire family.
thank you so much, Denise. I thank you for your kindness.
Dearest Nancy~ You are a treasured blessing! Thank you for sharing your story of your precious first born son. I’m so sorry for your loss and for what you and your family have suffered. One verse that came over me just after reading this is Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”. Sharing the story will help many thousands of people. As I read it, it brought back memories of my lowest times of depression that I struggled with more than a decade ago. God healed me through the power of His Word. After reading this, it made me realize I need to share that story more of my past and how the Lord completely healed me of any symptoms of “bipolar” and “psychotic” (or whatever the doctors told me I had). Only a few people know about that part of my past. Thank you so much for sharing your story again~ your humble heart and Beth’s humble heart always amaze me. I feel like getting on my face and apologizing to God for hiding any part of my past out of shame or whatever~ yet I’m in a cubicle at work, I may wait til I get home to do that. I agree some of the people who need the most prayers ~ especially scripture based prayers are those in ministry, as there is an enemy who hates the Body of Christ, probably especially those working full time for the Kingdom of God.
God bless you and bear much fruit through you, sweet sister! Love in Christ,
Amber Paulsen
Hey! Amber!
Your story is so much like mine!! To be diagnosed as having a mental illness carries such stigma. Yes, they said I was bipolar too and I was put on anti-psychotic drugs and I just got worse. Now I realize that if you are not diagnosed correctly the drugs may not help you!! No wonder!!
I was miraculously healed too and it was through the study of His Word! I was doing one of Beth’s studies and the Word just came alive! Don’t let anyone tell you it has no power!! Instead of waking each day in dread now I wake in excitement wondering what I can do for Jesus each day. I have no great formal education but am trying to do my memoirs telling of His divine grace that sustains and keeps me and you too! Bless you! I hope to meet you some day! What notes we could compare!!
Love you!
Betty M
PS if you’d like me email just reply to this!
Praise the Lord for your healing in Jesus name! Thanks for sharing this with me, Betty. Like you, the Lord has transformed me so much that I LOVE getting up in the early mornings and have so much joy. đ It’s amazing what He can do. I’m beginning to share my past more in order to help others and God to be glorified. God bless you, sister.
Amber, thank you so much for your comment, and for sharing a bit of your own experience. I truly long for God to be glorified through all of this, and your words encourage me. I love this verse in Genesis, it was one i clung to in the first days and weeks. God bless you, sister.
You have such a sweet heart, Nancy. Thank you for your comment and keep clinging to that verse. Last Friday during a prayer group, God told me to share my story of how He redeemed my life and my lowest times. I just said “Yes, Lord, use me” and spoke it in the mic. Some people said that it was powerful and one man I had never seen has been on medication for 30 years for mental disorders and he said my story helped him. God is so faithful.
Thank you for letting us all be blessed by reading this. I loved the Bible verses and sharing God’s faithfulness despite the pain. Praying for Psalm 147:3 to be very real in your life always.
Thank you for your sweet comment. God bless you, Jennifer.
Dear Nancy,
Thank you for sharing your story! May Christ continue to bless and strength you! I do not know exactly how to say what a testimony your story and faith is, but it moves a person at the core! I pray His blessing, peace, and presence for you and your family!
Love,
Jennifer
Jennifer, thank you for sharing your commentâŠour hope is for others to truly deepen their faith in Christ. To God be the glory. May He bless you and keep you.
Nancy,
Thank you for sharing your heart and God’s glory in the midst of such pain. I am so sorry. Mental illness is so hard, on the person who has it and on those who love him or her. May God continue to sustain you with His amazing love and grace!
Walking with you in faith,
Karen
Karen, thank you for your kind words. yes, indeed it is hard. Thankfully, God is good. and strong. and enough. God bless you, sister.
I am so happy to have heard some of your testimony surrounding this. I was glad to hear a little more about Kyle too!
May the Lord hold you always,
Kristina
Thank you so much, Kristina, God bless you.
Nancy, what a beautiful testimony! In 2008, my only nephew took his life at the age of 23…..a beautiful boy with so much promise! Our family was devastated! I know as an aunt, my grief bears no comparison to the grief of a mother….but my grief was real and raw! There were days when I felt my greatest accomplishment was just to breathe. But God!!!!! He was there every step of the way….aside from that I cannot imagine how anyone could survive such loss! Thank you for sharing your story with us! I have had to tell myself many times…..that this is not all there is….in the end…we win!! Prayers and Hugs for you!!!
Kathy, i am so sorry to hear about your only nephew. I’ve looked and looked at your words in this comment, and yes, i agree, the lost promise is so devastating to our hearts. We could SEE what could have been ahead for these dear ones, yet they couldn’t. And yes, in the end, we win – so true! I’m so thankful you, too, had the Lord to lean on. I am thankful you wrote, God bless you in each new day.
Nancy, God bless you! I celebrate the wonder and joy that Kyle has been and his memories will be. Your strength in Christ is palpable. Thank you for sharing such truth in God’s grace. I’m hugging you from out here in Portland, Oregon.
Thank you for your sweet and kind words, Sheri. I boast in the One that has sustained me. He is faithful. God bless you.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, your precious son and God’s faithfulness in your life. Much love to you <3
Thank you, LaDonna, God bless you.
Nancy,
I read this early in the day, and still have shivers of emotion that course over me from time to time. You see, the thing is; I was in that last Houston Bible Study – and we spoke each time – and I am sure hugged more than a few throughout the study. I may have asked, “how are you” – not to my shame, not looking into your eyes when you most likely said a soft “fine”. I offer my sincerest apology. You and Diane know, especially, how nuts I am over the ministry staff and your leader. It is my prayer that you receive an outpouring of nothing but what you know that it is a shower of blessings in different varieties of wrapping only God could have given you.
Most sincerely you and your entire family are held by us and by our Savior. With big love, Patti
Thank you, friend. No need to apologize, I am so blessed to serve through LPM, and it was life-giving to me to be among the women at the Bible study, study the Word, and serve Him. Thank you for caring so much, and supporting us all at LPM. much love.