For the first installment of Gay’s story, click here.
My beloved Sisters, it is my great honor to bring you my sister, Gay’s, second installment in her mind-blowing, God-glorifying story of redemption. By all means, let your friends and relatives know to watch for these installments if they could really use this hope. Boy, have I ever been desperate for it in my own wrestling matches with the enemy. You do not need to worry that I am going to vacate the blog until her series reaches its conclusion. No such luck! I’ll still be right here in the middle of things. I also want you to know that her story in many ways is part of mine and my story in many ways is part of hers. As God would have it, our stories grow from the same roots and braid their ways like vines up the same tree. Before I send you forward to read this wonderful second portion of her story, many of you are requesting another livestream and I’m in the mood for another one myself! Aren’t they a blast?? We’ll do one next week – perhaps Wednesday so that I can give my solid attentions to Tuesday night Bible study. I’ll let you know the day and time several days in advance so we can plan. OK, my beloved fellow sojourners, I’ll turn this over now to Gay! I love you so much, my dearest older sister. God’s glory radiates all over you. Thank you for sowing into this blog community. They are so dear to me.
I sat on the side of our bed in 1986 and said to my husband, Tut, “I think I’ve got a drinking problem.”
Ladies, before I move on I want you to re-read that sentence and let the weight of the year 1986 sink in all the way down to your toes. I finally quit drinking, after profound suffering, in 2009, TWENTY-THREE YEARS after God gave me the first word of warning.
The single most significant event in my life to that date had occurred just six short months before: the birth of our first born son, our sweet, red-haired, smart as a whip Zachary. I was 31 years old. Mind you, I had not drunk a drop of alcohol during the entire pregnancy, not one. Yet a few months later I was beginning the most difficult conversation of my life. One that I would continue to have for the rest of my life, even in sobriety. I had an urgency inside of me once Zach was born to be responsible. Now, I have an inkling that most people, especially women, decide to be responsible before 31 years of age. But not me. To this day, I don’t know why I had a wild streak down my back that wouldn’t quit. I was a rebel from the time I can remember and wild as a March hare. I either didn’t think I would get caught or gave no consideration whatsoever to the consequences. I wasn’t scared of the devil himself and I sure wasn’t scared of my parents! Then.
Tut and I had been married 2-1/2 years at that time and we had a good marriage although not devoid of problems, mostly growing pains. Neither one of us had been raised in terribly functional homes and we were simply doing what we knew to do. We were partners, “teamies,” crazy about each other and we were drinking buddies. We drank every single night if we needed to or not and that was just the way we lived for most of our married life. I heard the words “drinking problem” come out of my mouth and I feared they were true but Tut casually disagreed and I was looking for any reason to believe otherwise. So I shut up and kept drinking, beer and wine thankfully, which wreaked little havoc in our lives other than the war that was beginning inside my head. Am I alcoholic, like those OTHER people who have to go to meetings or am I making a big deal over nothing? Surely I am overreacting. I should be able to control my drinking. After all, I’m me! I’m smart and fairly attractive and married and daughter of Al and Aletha Green who raised me in church where I gave my heart to Jesus, was baptized at 9 years old, sang in the choir and went to G.A.’s (a young girls’ mission organization). I know right from wrong and drinking excessively is wrong, especially when I have a child to raise. So there. Problem solved. I’ll cut down. I will control.
Five years later, age 36, I was sitting at my computer at the Fortune 500 company I had been employed by for many years, where I was well respected and performed with excellence. My head was spinning and fuzzy. I was accustomed to working with a hangover, it didn’t even phase me, but this particular morning I couldn’t think of ANYTHING except for the fact that I was baffled at this dad blasted drinking problem and the fact that it would not go away! I picked up the phone, dialed Charter Hospital of Sugar Land and made an appointment to be assessed by a substance abuse counselor. It was a radical move! After being accepted into the first of a long string of out-patient programs that I would not finish, I walked into my first AA meeting and received my first AA book which we most affectionately call the Big Book, not to be confused with the Good Book. I was scared to death to walk into my first meeting, afraid that I might see someone I knew or they would see me and think that I was alcoholic. I didn’t hear a word in that meeting but took the book home and began to read in the privacy of my own home, with a tall glass of vodka and cranberry juice. The Big Book was written in 1939 and sounded, well, hokey to me. In fact, it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever read in my life! I slammed it shut, gulped down the last of my drink, felt the love (the love it had for me, the love I had for it, and the love I had for myself), the elusive warm and fuzzy “everything is right with the world” magic of the first drink and I put that dang book out for my next garage sale.
The “functioning years” rocked on through elementary school, middle school, the birth of Zach’s brother, Joshua, my parents’ move to Sugar Land, membership at a prominent neighborhood church, teaching preschool Sunday School, PTO, Cub Scouts, basketball, soccer, the Houston Rockets winning the NBA championship two years in a row (I had to put that in!), 9/11, etc. I stopped at the liquor store right after work every day, never missed even one day and never repeated the same liquor store in one week. I bought a pint of vodka, never more than that because I knew I would finish the bottle no matter what size it was. I either poured myself a drink in the car or simply twisted off the cap and drank it straight from the bottle. I couldn’t wait to get home which was only about 2 miles. I floated in and out of AA meetings yet never ever thought any of that stuff applied to ME. I was living my life right (except for this pesky drinking problem which I was trying my best to HIDE). I was doing the right things. I came from a good family. I went to work every day and never drank before or at work. I kept the laundry done, family fed and got the kids to school. I taught Sunday School, for Pete’s sake. I prayed to God many times to take away my desire to drink alcohol but, for reasons I know NOW but did not know THEN, He didn’t. I would arise hopeful each morning only to make the decision to quit tomorrow over and over and over again until tomorrow never came.
On August 7, 1998, my mother died right in front of our eyes. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer three years prior to that and somehow I thought I was prepared. I was a little, ok a LOT, mad at God because I had gotten on my knees many times and prayed that He would spare my mother’s life yet … He didn’t. We didn’t only lose our mother that dreaded day but we lost our glue. All five of us scattered to the wind and dealt with her loss in our own way. I drank. It worked. It took away the pain and if your mother had just died, you would drink too!!! I gave up trying to control my drinking the day my mother died. It seemed acceptable under those circumstances. I was too sad, too lonely and, frankly, too broken without her. I had talked to her 6 times a day on the phone and seen her daily for 8 years. She had raised Zachary while I was working and had come back to life herself at the news of our expecting another baby. Josh’s middle name is Cage after Micajah Rountree, my mother’s father, because I wanted to name him after HER. She wasn’t perfect but she was Mom and we adored her. She was the Queen of Everything. I still feel her loss deeply and I’m fighting back an all-out cry as I write this — but I’m not drinking (ha!). Praise Jesus of Heaven and Earth!!
That was the beginning of the end. It was when I stopped caring if I controlled or not. I am quite sure that the devil was jumping for joy on that day! He’d gotten me and he was about to carry me away. That was August of 1998 and I finally put down my last drink on April 19, 2009, more than ten full years later. Ten years of dwelling in the pit, ten years of spiraling out of control, ten years of the descent into the maelstrom. Hell.
Fast forward to August, 2009. I was sitting on a park bench outside a Methodist Church in Pasadena, Texas in the early warmth of a beautiful summer morning. It was beautiful instead of South Texas hot because I was grateful to be alive. As I let the sun shine down on my face, I thanked God for my life and four months of sobriety. It was a miracle! A dark car with tinted windows drove up slowly in front of me and the window lowered only halfway. The woman inside spoke quietly, “I’m looking for an AA meeting.” I said, “This is it. Don’t be scared. I’ll go in with you.” She parked and joined me on that bench for a good five minutes before we walked inside. Her name was Diane and she shared with me that she had come to realize she had a serious drinking problem. She was married to a man she loved like crazy and had a son about twelve years old. She said, “I know the stories of some alcoholics, the losses they suffer and the bottoms they have to reach. I love my husband and son so much and I don’t want that to happen to me, to our family. I know I’m alcoholic and I want to stop now.” I was able to tell her in a nutshell what God had done in my life and was continuing to do through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. We walked into that meeting together and I introduced her to my sponsor. She was no longer quiet but felt welcomed and accepted. I had breakfast with Diane and our mutual sponsor on New Years Eve Day 2011, just a month ago. She’s been sober 2-1/2 years now and her family is stronger than ever before. She never picked up another drink after she walked with me through those doors. She found God in that room and never looked back. He’s so good, isn’t He? Everyone doesn’t have to pound the hot concrete with bare feet, somehow they are able to listen to the early warnings and learn from the journeys of others. They are able to humble themselves enough to listen and apply. They are able to see God intersect their lives long before the madness begins. And have life, and have it to the full.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 New International Version (NIV)
I want to thank you for your testimony, it came in the perfect moment. I am sure our Wondeful Lord had it all planned like this. My husband is currently dealing with a co-worker with a drinking problem. Several months ago, the company offered her all the help she needed. They would pay for counseling, find AA meetings close to her home, counseling for her entire family, but she refused. She signed a paper saying that she did not want any of the help they offered her that she would do it on her own. Yesterday my husband had to fire her, much to his regret. She was drunk at work several times, and was not able to do her job any more. My husband was heart broken. He shared the Gospel with her many times (in secret, he is not allowed to do it at work). About one week before the desion was made I showed my husband the first part of your testimony and he found hope knowing that no matter what, God will continue to give her opportunities to come to him. Yesterday, when she was not his employee any more, he shared the Gospel with her one more time, she told him she wants to come to church with us, and she asked him to help her. She wants us to come and visit her to talk more about God. Please pray for her. That she can look up and see the light, love and glory of our God. He son is now in jail, and I don’t know what is going to happen to him. Her name is Lilian Lopez. Thank you God, I know you hear our prayers and that your perfect will will be upon her. Thank you sisters for your payers, and thank you again Gay for your testimony of the Glory and mercy or our God.
Once again – you’ve blessed my socks off! Thank you, Gay, for your willingness, courage & joy! Heaven is blessed by you today!
Thank you for bravely sharing the story of God’s miraculous work in your life.
Ah….the functioning years. I remember them well. All the years I ‘got’ to live in denial too. All the years comparing myself and finding myself ‘not as bad’ as other alcoholics. Until I was.
Recovering alcoholic here. Nice to meet you. We already know much about each other. 😉
I was terrified about opening up about my story of alcoholism (as well as abusive relationships) for quite some time. But then, that’s my story of healing. That’s my story of hope. God was there when I hit rock bottom and never let go once I did. (And yes. I say “I’ve been to hell. And I’m not goin’ back”
And it’s true. No matter how bad things get, God really does use it all for good. I am constantly amazed by His presence and work in my life — and in others.
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for your honesty, openness, and willingness. The more we share our experience, strength, and hope the more the message is out there for those still suffering.
Much Love,
Deb
Gay .. Thank you for sharing your story. Your transparency and authenticity is refreshing and honoring to our God. Love hearing what God is doing in and through your life. So excited to read your next post!
God is using you to inspire and encourage others. I’m so thankful you are willing to share your story.
Dear Gay,
Thank you, once again, for such a beautiful post. Your story is so powerful! Thank you for being so real with all of us. I definitely believe what you are sharing with us is being used to help heal someone else of their disease of addiction. I pray you are always bold with your story and that you are blessed for sharing it.
I look forward to the next installment. Until then, know that you are being carried to the Throne in many prayers. You are loved here.
Shelly
Thank you, Gay, for your beautiful words of life. I’m not a drinker, never have been, because I could see how it messed up people’s minds and that didn’t seem fun to me.
I also took to heart all the MADD brochures with the pictures of family members, mostly young people, who were killed by alcoholics behind the wheel.
Our kids knew that we didn’t drink and why.
However, I am a pray-er. A praying woman. And I have a list of folks to pray for who are in bondage to the “demon alcohol.” Some are extended family, some are spouses of friends. I also see way too much alcohol(one bottle would be too much for me) in my grown & married-with-children son’s and daughter’s cabinets and refrigerators to be stupid enough to believe that they are “okay”. Your words are like gold, a rich treasure pointing the way to freedom. I will be forwarding these segments as God directs to family and friends. Thank you, so much, Gay. I wonder if you will publish them in a book or booklet at some point?
Oh Gay. As I read this I was given such hope. We are praying friend’s mom who, even after a serious health crisis will not admit her addiction to alcohol.
Thank you so much for opening your heart to us.
Thanking God for you!
Stephanie
Thanks again, Gay, for sharing your story. For those of us dealing with someone with a substance abuse problem, it can be so discouraging to wonder why they can’t seem to figure out and accept that they have a problem. Who knows how long it will take for them to figure out that they need help? And then who knows how long it will take for them to get help, help that actually works and lasts after many set backs?
You are a living testimony to me to keep on praying and not give up! You are helping me to see inside my loved one’s head just a little bit, to realize that what seems simple and obvious to me is not so simple and obvious for the one caught in addiction. We look forward to hearing more about how God broke through to you. Peace be with you!
Oh, Gay, how much I love and appreciate your willingness to share your redemption story. Thank you, thank you. I am a redeemed drug user and am now leading your little sister’s Bible study on James to a group of 20 ladies at a renewal center here in Greenville, SC. I am going to print your story and share with them next Thursday evening. Praising the Lord for and with you! Press on, my sweet sista!
I’m ready for Installment No. 3. Couldn’t put it down. God bless you!! Praise the Lord! Gay, you are helping so many!
Hi Gay, bless you for your transparency!! I am convinced that true ministry to the body comes out of our own sharing the truth of what we go through. People can relate and realize they are not alone and there is HOPE!!! The journey of how we got from point A to point B is what it is about. You will see many set free as a result of your willingness to put yourself out there. I finally shared my story in a book and posted on my blog after 50 years of holding it inside and am amazed at the doors it has opened to hurting women. Keep up the good work!!! ♥♥
You make me brave, Gay. Thank you for your honesty and courage. I simply want to hug your neck, beautiful lady! 🙂
I love it that God gave you friends to be accountable to and to celebrate with!
Thank you Gay for being an Ambassador for Christ and for sharing your story with us! You are indeed a wonderful writer who has so much to teach us all! May you continue to be abundantly blessed!
Thank you so much for sharing your story…your sharing WILL be a help to others!! Psalm 51!! He has created a clean heart within you!! Also..Psalm 62.7 “On God rests my salvation and glory: my mighty rock, my refuge is God” ESV
Gay, I have been waiting eagerly for the next installment — your story is such an inspiration to me. I have been “away from church” for awhile, and have never stepped up to “serve” even when I WAS in church. The fact that you taught Sunday School while you were still drinking …. well, it tells me that certainly the Lord can use little ole me, who is not an alcoholic, but has so many other ISSUES that I have let drag me down and keep me from STEPPING OUT IN FAITH …. all the “what-ifs” …. fear …. more fear ….God is so good and He DOES care about me….Thank you Jesus for loving me, and thank you for Gay and her courage in telling her story!
You are so courageous! Thank you for sharing with such honesty and bravery.
Love to you,
Sarah
Gay, so much proof of what God can do in a life! I’m loving your story and thank you so much for sharing it with the blog community! I woe truly love to meet you one day!!! Praying for you still…
Beautiful…thank you, Gay. I think my heart actually leaped when I saw this was updated! I can’t until the next part. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Beth, Is there a book in the making?. I shared your blog with a friend from church. Her sister could tell the same story. She has come near death several times. Only God has kept her from insanity or death and still she drinks. She is such a precious lady. Whoever called it “demon rum” certainly had it pegged correctly.
People in addictions need our support, not censure. There but for the grace of God…
What troubles me is that there are so many church goers who believe they are Christians but who talk so glibly about “NEEDING” a glass of wine or casually drink.
God help these families.
Gay your words have blessed me beyond measure this day. The Lord brought something to my rememberbance through your words. About 3 years into marriage my mother in law passed suddenly. We weren’t particularly close but I shed more tears than my spouse. His way was to grieve in silence. He choose to “act out” going full on in the direction of rebellion and irresponsibility. His siblings and family scattered to the winds dealing with the loss as best they could.
After a serious betrayal the question of WHY?? burns deep within without any real answers that makes sense. Some time later he shared with me that his mother was the “glue” and after she passed he no longer cared. Throw caution to the wind finally he could do what he wanted and when he wanted. While she was alive he never wanted to disappoint or bring shame to his mother. But suddenly everything changed. Your words have helped me to understand his words all these years later.
Thank you for courageously sharing your testimony to the faithfulness of God. It reminds us that in some cases it takes time but is not any less transformative and authentic. God knows what he is doing whether it is a instant deliverance or over time.
Bless You Courageous Warrior for the Lord. In the spirit I can just hear all the chains of bondage being broken and captives set free by your testimony world over. (not literal but in my spirit)
All For HIS GLORY
Ms. Gay,
So thankful for your continued writing!! Though not with alcohol, I have known the feeling of “I’ll just start tomorrow.” Still rejoicing with the Father over this victory!
much love,
rachel
Your story is miraculous and your words are eloquent. Blessings.
Beloved Gay I am thankful to read this today. I had shared on your installment 1 how I have dealt with this stronghold, it’s not easy for me. Just as I came home from work I had thought about getting off the ramp and getting some beer. I thought “you know Karen the minute you are on that road you will regret even driving that direction” That is the intersection you mentioned in your blog, where the devil is cocked and loaded to take you out. My pastor this week spoke on our authority as Children of God, I have exercised that authority the best I can at this moment until the next thought. Those thoughts are fewer and far between because I no longer at the stage of being mad I can’t be normal like everyone else. I keep in mind what Beth said about a friendly captive doesn’t stay friendly. This addiction is a Killer and from that Big Book, I have a copy too the first time I read about what alcohol does to your brain, that is real side effects no one mentions when you you first start the friendly happy hour. One thing I regret is all the days searching on the Internet for a hang over cure…..sickens me the hours spent in my pit. I want you to know I am encouraged by your testimony and at 43 I am taming the mustang inside of me too. It feels good. To the ladies who prayed for me, please continue as they are not wasted because I no longer doubt my path. Thanks so much for reading and I will be praying for you too sister. Have a great weekend!
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your tranparency is amazing to me. You are so dearly loved sweet sister.
Thank you for sharing. Continuing to pray.
Your story is reminding me over and over again of “Breaking Free”…the old version and the new version. I always knew Beth had taught it from the heart, but your story is brining so much of that study to life. WOW!
Dear Gay,
what hope your story brings. my precious daughter-in-law, Megan, confessed to me 2 week before leaving my dear son, that she really ‘should’ start going back to AA meetings. I guess the pull was too strong because she left him and is in a huge spiral down with her drinking. they were not married even at year at that point. my heart breaks for him, but it breaks for her too. I see dear Megan woven all through out your story. thank you for sharing. God can do miracles. She was only a year and a half old in the Lord before satan snatched away the seed in her heart. HE alone can bring her back. thank you s much for sharing.
blessings to you. abundantly.
jackie
Thank you. More than you can know, thank you. I was just thinking it is a miracle of miracles how God intends to use all things for his glory. It never ceases to take my breath away how he means ALL things. Thank you for the glory you are bringing him through your story.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I have lived alot of your story. Truly by the Grace of God,I have been sober since May 23,2003. I found God in the rooms of AA.On my 1rst Sobriety Birthday,a Christian Counselor gave me my first Beth Moore book. I love God with all my heart, and desire to be obedient to His word. Thank you for sharing, I look forward to your next blog.Blessings!
Gay, I am so grateful that you are sharing your story of recovery, deliverance, and new life, with us. This is a subject that, let me just say, kept someone very dear to me in captivity for a very long time and he has now walked in victory for 15 months (praise God!) The Lord bless and keep you. He is surely already using you to bring Himself glory as I have already praised Him half a dozen times while reading your posts for His unmatched ability and willingness to take us from our “pits” and bring us into “the land of the LIVING!”
Gay,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am reminded of the verses I am memorizing in James (thanks to the new study) chapter 1:2. I can see that your trials have been difficult and hard, so difficult many of us many never understand. Thank God He is working in you to make you complete and mature. I am so blessed to see that what satan meant to use to destroy you God is using to help others. God is good and I feel honored that you have chosen to share your testimony with us. Thank you for your transparency and letting God’s light shine through you.
Thank you Gay for bearing your heart and soul to help others..I admire and appreciate your transparency and honesty. I have a nephew on drugs and am so sad and ask you to pray for him .. I know God is going to heal him and rescue him and I covet your prayers.. thank you for sharing your story. I wish you could come speak to our christian womens club in savannah .. prayers and blessings to you….
Holy moley! You are a GREAT WRITER. Apparently they run in the family. Have you read Mary Karr’s amazing memoir, “Lit” the third in her trilogy? Much of it would be familiar and it is also a story of Redemption. With several things you’ve said, I am reminded of lines from a song by Charlie Dodrill–Expression, “She recalled when she was 8 years old, she took a step into the Shepherd’s fold. She forgot that You’re the One who made her whole. She had led herself astray.” PS I heard Brennan Manning speak 22 years ago. He was the first signpost on a journey to true spiritual freedom–This Way>>
Gay,
Thank you so much for your 2nd installment. I’ve been looking forward to it. What a story of redemption that inspires us all.
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC
Dearest Gay,
I love reading your story. It is beyond words cool to see how God is working in your life and how you are able to pour His grace out onto others. I wish I was sitting next to you right now so I could give you a hug!
Love,
Marie
So grateful for your testimony! Thank you for risking it all and glorifying the One who paid it all!!! Ah, all glory to the Lover of our souls!!
Thank you again Gay for sharing your story to the glory of the Lord. Your sincere heart and willingness to be transparent are so endearing. Blessings and peace to you.
Gay,
I absolutely LOVE your testimony. Your words are so beautiful and richly annointed with God’s goodness. Thank you and looking forward to your next post. We are so blessed by you! Cindy
Wow!! Your sharing blesses me. You are so brave to share this. Is not our God wonderful? Thank you.
i.love.this.story. i couldn’t wait to read it. i saw that it was posted while i was at work, but didn’t get a chance to pull it up. gay, you write so well – it’s gripping prose. so glad you are sharing!
Thank you for sharing with us. God’s grace is amazing and He is enough for every problem we will ever face in this life. So glad to hear your story – keep on! May the Lord bless you abundantly.
Gay,
WOW!!!! AMAZING STORY!! Thank you for opening up your heart and being vunerable on this blog. Brought tears to my eyes…that could be any of us in that story. A few in my family have struggles with alcohol and don’t have the redeeming story like you…yet. It’s a reminder how the enemy can steal so quickly and to also never give up on someone. God is SO GOOD!
Tina
Your story is such an encouragement, Gay. Thank you for being willing to share it with us.
Gay – thank you for your honesty. And for sharing so much! You have no idea how much you are helping others right now.
Beth – thank you for allowing your sister space to tell her story. It is all too easy to not want to let the ‘real’ part of family out for all to see. I admire you even more for letting us share your sister.
Blessings and love
Kim
Dear Gay,
Although I never stopped praying for my family members who struggle with alcoholism I guess I’ve kind of given up hope they could walk in freedom I’m ashamed to say. You’ve given me hope Gay…there’s just no price tag on that. You are showing incredible courage. I don’t know you personally but is it strange to say I’m proud of you. I know I can’t imagine how proud your sister is of you..
I’m sure she’s about ready to burst wide open. Grin.
Blessings to you.
Thank your for your openness and for sharing. I can’t wait to hear the next installment. What a great God! Bless you.
Gay, you are a blessing to all of us. Thank you for sharing more of your story. I am looking forward to hearing more of your journey and God’s goodness and mercy in your life. He is so good!