A few weeks ago I went to a Taylor Swift concert here in Houston. I was given tickets at the very last minute so my roommate and I ran out the door and had an unexpected fun night out.
Do I think she’s a doll? Yes, I do. Do I think she’s a bit dramatic? Yes, I do. (I would have never thought that had I not gone to the concert, but the way she talked to her audience was quite humorous and very dramatic. For instance, she kept telling us how incredible and beautiful we were. I just laughed.) Do I think she’s a good role model for the little girls that are falling all over her? Yes, I do. She has a good head on her shoulders and thus far, her walk has matched up with her talk. She’s not gone crazy. I’m praying she stays grounded. You laugh, but I’m serious. Someone needs to say sane! And I say that in the most gracious way. She has a national platform and to see it destroyed would sadden me.
Before the concert I think I owned five of her songs. I knew most of her songs but that was mainly because she gets a lot of airtime on the radio. What I didn’t know, though, were a lot of the lyrics.
Are any of you like me? You think you know the lyrics to a certain song then you look them up and realize you were completely off base? That’s my life. I’m constantly making a fool out of myself in the lyrics department.
After the concert I ended up buying a few more songs that I thought were fun and also decided to look up some of the lyrics. I knew I was singing the wrong words and wanted to fix that. Yes, I annoy my own self.
Taylor has a cute song called “Fifteen”, and it’s all about a girl experiencing her freshman year of high school. She talks about the highs and lows that girls would typically experience.
After lacing themes of friends, first dates, first kisses and breakups throughout each verse, she begins each chorus by singing, “Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them…”
Taylor is right, is she not? If a fifteen-year-old girl heard the words I love you from a hunk of a boy, she’s going to believe him, no doubt. Those of us a few years ahead of that game know it will probably end in heartache (although those of us hopeless romantics would love to believe they end up as married high school sweethearts), but in the moment, that fifteen year old girl will be floating on cloud nine and will undoubtedly drown out every other voice that tries to whisper otherwise.
But what about the girl that never hears the words I love you from a boy? What if she never hears them period? From anyone?
What if I changed the lyrics of the chorus to “Cause when you’re fifteen and nobody tell you they love you, you’re gonna believe them…”
Our present day culture speaks a lot to the girls that have that heartache and breakup, but I think we forget the girls that never experience that. What about them? What about the girl that spends all four years of her high school career waiting for that special moment and doesn’t get it? Or better yet, all four years of her college career and doesn’t get it? Emotionally, this could be just as detrimental.
As time goes on, if you’re not grounded in Christ’s love, your belief system will become that of, “I’m not lovable.”
Since I happen to know that hearing I love you in high school from a boy isn’t the end all be all, and I certainly don’t advocate it, I’m not naive to the fact that, whether we choose to believe it or not, those words are being tossed around on a daily basis by students everywhere. In fact, they’re being tossed around carelessly by a lot of people. Those words hold a lot of weight and attachment with them.
I happen to be in the latter category. I was not the girl that experienced breakup after breakup. I lived vicariously through a lot of my friends that did experience that, which taught me a lot, but that wasn’t me.
To be very honest, it is so easy for me to write my own words to that song, and even at 26, believe that I am unlovable. If I am 26 and have yet to be chosen and hear those sweet words, am I unlovable? I know that is far from the truth, but Satan himself likes to feed that lie most consistently to me.
What I know now is that no human man can ever out-love Jesus. No human man can tell me I love you more than Jesus whispers and satisfies me with His love. But I have to believe that and claim that. That is the tricky part, transferring that knowledge from my head to my heart. No man will ever know me greater than Jesus does and yet love me just the same.
But, I am old enough to know that doesn’t always take away the sting of desiring that human love. In fact, I might argue that the older you get, if the Lord has placed that desire in your heart, the more it stings. Is it wrong to desire that? Is it wrong to desire marriage? Not at all, unless it becomes a stronghold or idol in your life, lest we forget, the Lord ordained marriage and said it was a good thing. However, as we mature and become more like Christ, my prayer is that we would let the Lord tend to that sting and replace it with joy. That is the beauty of getting older; you know how to tend to that sting when it rises up in you.
Believing and leaning into truth means believing that you are loved by the One who knows you the best and loves you the most. It means that there is redemption, healing and hope for the girl who has given everything away and is left with a broken heart. That the Lord still desires His best for you. And for the girl who has yet to experience the butterflies, it means there is hope for you, too, and for whatever reason, the Lord has protected you thus far. He is most definitely not holding out on you. Be thankful for that.
Believing the truth means that you are wise enough not to jump at the first chance you have to marry the first guy that asks you on a date out of your fear of being alone. There may be a few good (and bad), dates here and there, but that doesn’t mean you have to marry any of them. Not every single guy you lay your eyes on will be your future husband. Give yourself the freedom to get to know them as a friend without the pressure of trying to win them over so you can be their wife one day. We all do it out of insecurity and fear, do we not? The minute I see a single guy as a potential future husband, is the minute I clam up and don’t act like myself. By setting that aside and shifting our thinking, it’s amazing how the chains fall off and the pressure decreases.
At then end of the day, although culture and media will tell you otherwise, your identity is still found in Christ alone, not in whom you’ve dated or whom you haven’t. You’ll do greater things than date the quarterback of the football team. Praise the Lord.
And for the record, you are dearly loved. And so am I.
“The LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jeremiah 31:3
Lindsee,
As a mom of an almost-fifteen year-old daughter, I am so glad you wrote this post. Such wisdom!
Last year my daughter read a book by Justin Lookadoo, titled “Dateable; Are you? Are they?” It really helped her realize that it is so much more important to spend your teen years developing strong friendships with girls and yes, boys, rather than bouncing from one teenage romance to the next. I’ve recommended this book to other moms with teen daughters or sons.
Love,
Adrienne
Adrienne,
Thank you for the book info! I just ordered it for my 13 year old daughter who currently thinks that boys are the reason for living. Hopefully after reading this book, she will see things differently.
Thank you for your encouragement! I already have my make-up done for work and then I read this and almost ruined my make-up. But seriously I really needed to hear this. Whether you’re a teen or in your forties and your husband has left you for another woman(which is my situation) you always wonder if you’ll ever really be loved. I have to constantly remind myself Jesus loves me. I so desperately want to show others how much He loves them too and when I get stuck thinking of myself then I’m useless to help them. Is Satan distracting me from a beautiful time of year to enjoy family and friends and show others the real reason for Christmas? I think he is and I’m determined to practice the disciplines God has taught me the last few years of Bible study, prayer, and Scripture memory. I won’t let Satan (or my own flesh) defeat me. This was very important for me to hear. The story is much too long to tell here but God really used what you said to knock some sense back into me. Thank you.
Amen and Amen and Amen.
As a 30 something who never heard a man (other than Dad) say “I love you” until I was 37 I can totally relate.
It’s so hard because while I know God loves me it’s hard to feel that FEELING of love from Him all of the time.
My current boyfriend tells me all the time that I am loveable and that many, many other men would find me so. It’s still a struggle to believe sometimes. Yet I know from past experience believing that I am unlovable can cause me to cling to things and relationships that I shouldn’t cling to. So I’m working my way through that journey, day by day.
Thanks so much for posting this!
Deb
Lindsee, this is beautiful. This is so true of any of our expectations in life that are not fulfilled in “our” time or “our” way. You are so right … the key is turning it all over to our Knight in Shining Armor and honestly saying, “I want it your way; not mine.” That is when God does His glorious thing. I am about to celebrate my 25th anniversary … but do I always “feel” loved? Not a chance! People are too human (and rightly so!). Yes, we have to realize that no spouse, no parent, no child, etc is perfect (including ourselves, lest we forget – ha!)… only God’s love is perfect. That is what gives us true peace, joy, love above our circumstances. And no person will ever “complete us” … no spouse, no parent, no child … only God. We won’t leave this world clasping anyone’s hand but our Savior’s.
My darling Lindsee,
God has the right guy for you and the right time. I only repeat what you said above, “We know He loves us” and His timing is perfect.
I want an invitation to the wedding when the time comes.
Love you and all the hard working ladies there.
Sondra
Dear Lindsee,
Tears streaming down my face as I read your post. This brought back a time when I was 14. I looked at my Daddy and asked him if he loved me? He looked me straight in the face and told me I’d never given him a reason to. That hurt can sometimes feel like a sword. I have yet to meet the one I am perhaps to marry someday God willing. But I have a Daddy in heaven that loves me with an everlasting love. Thanks for that reminder girlfriend. Love ya…
Oh, Sweet Girl, I’m so sorry that was said to you. You don’t have to earn your real Daddy’s love! There’s a quote by AW Tozer that says something to the effect of: because God’s love is uncaused, I simply can’t make Him quit 🙂
wow…thanks for sharing that quote Kathy :), it’s awesome!
Dear Kathy,
Thanks for sharing that quote. All I can say is Amen and Amen… Blessings to you…
P.S. Lindsee
I’m so old I don’t even know who Taylor Swift is!!!
Taylor Swift, according to Wikipedia, is “an American country pop singer-songwriter, musician and actress.” She’s my favorite singer in the whole existence of life. Though, I’ve only lived 15 years, so I guess I haven’t listened to as much music as other people have haha. (:
Fantastic, Lindsee! Great words of wisdom, truth and encouragement. I’m sure many will be blessed today because of your post.
Wow! A big amen! You have quite a head on your shoulders for 26. What a perfect person to be in this position of ministry. I will pray for your message to really be heard!
Bettie, Wendell, NC
“Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart”. Colossians 4:2 (NLT)
I cannot begin to tell you how much this post means to me. I desperately needed to hear these words, and it truly came at the perfect timing. I could read this over and over again. But most importantly, this is truth. Jesus is the only Man who will ever be able to satisfy me with His love. How grateful I am for that!
Thank you again Lindsee for this post. Your passion & love for Christ is contagious!
Lindsee, THANK YOU for this blog. I was just about done reading through my blogs when this new post turned up in my google reader and boy am I glad I took the time to read it. I, too, am that girl who went through high school, college and university who is now a 33 year old woman, who has NEVER heard those words from that one special boy. It’s hard to put into words sometimes to those who are married or constantly in relationships, how it feels to know that you desire marriage and a family, yet know that you are waiting on the Lord for the fulfillment of your heart. All the while trying to keep satan’s mind games at bay – and telling yourself you are loved and lovable, even if not one guy has ever verbally said it. Thank you for helping others ‘see’ and reassuring me that i am not alone. And that I am on the right track in my commitment to a fasted lifestyle in this area. Instead I choose NOT to idolize the institution, but to dedicate my heart to the Lord completely and trust in His good plan for me. Even when its hard! God bless xo
Hey Lindsee! Thanks for your post. I know that feeling. I didn’t really date in high school and I only had a few short lived relationships in college. I got married when I was 35 to an awesome guy. Looking back, I am so glad I was older when I found the right guy. I really learned a lot about myself without the distraction of trying to impress a boyfriend. You are a cute girl and I know one day you will find your match. I know it’s hard to wait, but trust me, God is growing a boy into a man for you!
I needed to hear this today – thank you.
Absolutely beautiful!
Great blog! and I love Taylor too. 🙂
Thanks Lindsee that was a sweet word to one who has felt this sting for many years.
God bless you : )
Lindsee, this is wonderful. I’m printing it out to share with my daughters 10 and 6. You are so precious. Thank you for writing it!
Lindsee, you have such great insight and to just be 26! What I would have done to know what you know and not have gone through some of the things I did in my past. There’s comfort in knowing that I am not the only one that Satan attacks saying I’m unlovable. However there is so much MORE COMFORT in knowing Jesus is my Savior and He loves me with an everlasting love. There is no condemnation in His love. There is no limit to His love for me. He loves me….flaws and all! I wake up everyday so thankful for His grace and mercy that He allows me another day to spend with Him and learn about Him. Thank you for opening and sharing your heart.
Amen!
AMEN!!! This is so true!It is even hard for us married women (whose husbands’ love language is not “words of affirmation”) to believe it when we don’t hear it either. Even though I am learning to “hear” in his love langauge, there is something powerful about having those words spoken to you. This is a lie that Satan attacks ANYONE with – not just unmarried women. And it still comes down to what you said about claiming what is TRUE! Taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ, and intentionally thinking things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtueous,and praiseworthy. God LOVES ME!
I also wanted to mention that I saw part of in interview with Taylor where she said that, as a public figure, she is obligated to be a GOOD role model – and that she thinks that people whom children look up to like this are accountable for the example they set. Yep, she’s making good choices on purpose!
Thanks for this great post.
Latisha
confessionsofamartha.blogspot.com
Hello, my life. Can I just say I’m glad I’m not a hormonal fifteen year old again? My heart has been tended to by a merciful Savior who saw each lonely moment. And yet, as a single twenty-year old, I wear the “rejected” or “unlovable” title more times than I care to admit. My heart breaks for girls who feel that same sting that I once felt, and still feel on occasions. It can be debilitating until we realize He is enough. I’m so grateful that He is faithful to satisfy my heart. Thanks, Lindsee!
I did not hear those words as a child, at least not in a healthy way.
The only person I was close to was my grandmother, and we never said it. The last time I saw her alive, when I stopped to say goodbye to her before leaving for my last semester of college, I told her I loved her for the first time. She didn’t say it back. I knew she loved me, because I felt safe around her, but I wished I could have heard her say it.
When I came to know God in my 30’s, Isaiah 43.4 became a very important verse to me, because it is the only place where God says it outright. These days He is teaching me to see it throughout His Word and in life, but especially early on, I clung to that verse.
I still do not take those words lightly, and I am skeptical of anyone who uses them early in a relationship. But even at 42 yrs old, as I learn that Jesus MUST be the unparalleled love of my life, I still hope there is a guy out there who will one day say those words to me.
It is sad that in our drama-diving society, people through those words around so often. If you “love” a piece of chocolate so intensely, what words will you have left to define real love?
*throw, sorry
Thank you Lindsee. I printed this for my daughter, she is a freshman.
Great truth! Posted it on facebook for my staff girls and all my sweet sisters, who doubt they are loved.
Thanks, Lindsee!
You are awesome, Lindsee! Thanks for this great post! I am the mom of a twelve year old beauty who loves Jesus and adores Taylor Swift. Her room is plastered in posters of Taylor, and right alongside them a picture of Jesus (with the words underneath saying, “come, follow me…”) For my daughter’s recent 12th birthday, she wanted a guitar, and to see Taylor in concert. We were blessed to see Taylor in Portland a couple months ago. She really rocked and I was impressed; my daughter and I had a blast! I too am praying that Taylor will continue to take seriously her role model-status for young girls. I am also praying that my daughter’s young heart will continue to be filled up with the love of Christ every day so that her confidence and security will remain fixed in Him, and no one else. Thanks again for a fun post; Bless you, sister!
Thanks, Lindsee. I like what you said about the beauty of getting older. We do learn how to tend to the sting, and thank goodness because it is not something that goes away or gets easier. I’m 28 and in your boat, and holding out hope that it will be worth the wait!
Love this post! Just shared it on facebook even–thanks for this! I am 35 and married, but I totally get what you’re saying–and want my children to know this Truth as well!
Thanks for posting this. I am almost 28, and have never been asked out or pursued, nor have I heard “I love you” (from anyone aside from family). It is really hard sometimes not to feel like something is dreadfully wrong with me, to keep waiting and hoping and trusting God as I move forward with a life that so many seem to put in the insignificant/boring category purely based on my long-term single status. (It’s at least a little encouraging to see that I’m not alone here in reading these comments.) And very encouraging to be reminded that my worth and identity must be found in Christ, not the opinions of anyone around me! On a more random note, I’m a Taylor Swift fan as well, and found her concert to be enjoyably dramatic! 🙂
Lindsey, you are not alone. I know it is hard to dismiss those thoughts from the enemy, but it is good that you remind yourself of the truth about your value in Christ.
WoW! Such great words of wisdom from someone so YOUNG!?!
Lindsee, you are leaps and bounds ahead of many women. I am glad you are here in Siesta blogland, and have a place to be such an encourager.
Keep listening to the truth of your Heavenly Father. Don’t settle for anything less than HIS absolute best for you. <3
I am here to testify.
I heard plenty of guys tell me that they loved me, but it was a physical love, not emotional.
I married at 28, out of loneliness. He’s a nice guy, but I settled. 21 years & 2 kids later, I’m still lonely.
And I’m married.
Sister, I pray that God so floods you with the experiential awareness of his lavish love that it saturates every empty nook and cranny in your soul and then overflows to those around you. I pray it ignites a new flame in your marriage and family, and that you see your husband and children in a new light, illuminated by the presence of the Jesus himself. And I pray that those primary relationships become solidly rooted and grounded in the love of Christ, and your heart becomes so abundantly full that your chest can barely contain it.
Oh, Lord, let it be. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Thank you Michele for your prayer! I too feel so lonely most of the time but am reminded daily that Jesus loves me, sees me and hear me, even tho I’m not sure my husband does.
I have to echo what “another anonymous says”. I have heard “I love you” from a man but it was as well a physical love and not emotional. I suffered a great deal due to that relationship (could write so much on that) and almost married him but thankfully I called it off four months prior to the wedding date. For those of you who have not yet heard those words…hold onto the Lord and be grateful because you have been spared a different kind of pain that I feel at times can be harder to get over. Lindsee you have such wisdom. I love reading your post.
amen! as the girl who married my high school sweetheart (the quarterback of the football team, no less) this still applies to my life so perfectly. though i was told “i love you” at 15, and eventually married that boy, there’s been plenty of heartache, and plenty of lies that i’ve clung to. my identity still needs to be in Christ alone, not my husband. it’s something i’ve only recently learned, and it’s something i have to fight for daily. the enemy is sneaky, he’ll use anything against us, but our God is infinitely more powerful. His Word demolishes strongholds and has power and authority to free us from our own minds. praise Jesus!
What a fabulous post Lindsee. So applicable to everyone. Thanks for sharing your heart with us.
Lindsee –
Wow – I am so impressed by your insight and sweet spirit. Having several singles in my immediate family, I pray over them, yearn over them and have asked God many times to bring them a wonderful godly mate. Periodically as I’ve prayed I’ve wondered what if it’s not God’s will for them to marry. Much as I desire it for them I want my prayers to line up with His will. It struck me recently that married or not they can find fulfillment in Him and in doing His will. So I’m now praying that they will truly KNOW Him and that will satisfy – married or not. Bless you dear Lindsee!
I have long loved that verse in Jeremiah that assures me God loves me with an everlasting love. No matter what age we are, we need to know it and be reminded often! Years ago as a young mom, I listened to Elisabeth Elliott’s radio program Gateway to Joy, which she began each day with saying Jeremiah 31:3, and when she said it, I believed it, and I hid those words in my heart. And on those days I don’t “feel” it, I remember verses like one I read in Psalm 12 today that remind me that the words of Jeremiah 31:3 about His everlasting love – are pure words, words that endure forever because they are God’s Word.
6 The words of the LORD are pure words,
Like silver tried in a furnace of earth,
Purified seven times.
7 You shall keep them, O LORD,
You shall preserve them from this generation forever.
Thank you so much Beth!! Your post brought tears to my eyes. I have been struggling with waiting..and not compromising in the wait. So many of my friends have..and you know, I am almost 30 and I just think, what if I never get married? It is hard not to settle when you fear that..thank you for what you said about 2/3 of the way through about God offering redemption no matter what our path has been. I have made mistakes in the past and you just reminded me that God still has his best in mind for me. I am going to print this out and put it on my fridge if you don’t mind 🙂 Thanks again
kari
Sorry! I thought it was beth. but it was lindsee! thank you lindsee 🙂
Beautiful post, Lindsee, very timely, encouraging and wise for young women who need to know who they are in Christ!
Blessings to you,
Patti Hayes
You are so right about people being never told they are loved especially teenagers. We so need to seek them out and let them know how special they are and point them to JESUS our Lord and Savior! HE truly makes us special!! I have not listened to much country music, but my little 6 yr old granddaughter does and she knows Taylor and loves her music! Love ya sister Beth! Jane
Good Word! Even being 38 and never been married… and having gone through a few good but not His Best options is worth waiting and believing HE is NOT holding out on us. He has good reasons and His timing is perfect; in the mean time He is clarifying our calling and purpose, purifying our hearts and healing our souls… Knowing Christ is worth the work, tears, aches, dreams… we feel and lay down… James 1:3… “to mature, and make us complete, lacking nothing!” So Worth it!
40+ years old and still needed to read this TODAY.
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC
Oh boy…I so identified with Taylor’s lyrics. I was a fifteen year old and wanted desparately to hear those words. I didn’t hear them from my parents. I didn’t know of the Lord’s love at that point either. And oh, the choices I made just to hear those three little words. I thank God that He got ahold of me before I made more dumb choices and showered me with His love and affection. I forget where it is in the Bible, but there’s a verse that says the Lord has my name tattooed on the palms of His hands…Imagine that, the Creator of the heavens and the earth, loves me so much that my names is tattooed on His hands, and even more mind-blowing, He gave His life on the cross for me.
Lindsee,
Although I can not relate to you about marriage and dating. I can relate to you about desire and a stinging heart. In fact, I just wrote about it on my blog. I was the girl who, at fifteen, believed not just the lies of boys but all kinds of pathetic lies. That is why I love my role as a girls youth leader. Anyway, I have been struggling with infertility for close to 4 years now and you are right, the older you get the more it stings. All that I want to say you dear sister, is that you are so loved and so precious and so beautiful (I have seen you on video blog!) I bet you are a blast to be around so when that dagger of loneliness gets you down remember that there are thousands of Siestas who rejoice for you! Hey let’s go grab a cup of coffee and talk about AMAZING our Lord Jesus is for replacing the sting with joy! 🙂
xoxo
Cindy
To Lindsee and all the other sweet women who wrote to say that you are still waiting for “I love you” and not wanting to compromise… I admire you.
My darling daughter walked your path for many long, lonely years, calling me every now and then and asking if there was something wrong with her. I cried with her as I told her no and tried to encourage her… and when friends told her she should date, I told her there was nothing wrong with waiting.
Last year, at the age of 33, she met an incredible young man who had so many of the qualities that her mamma prayed for in a life-mate for her. The years were painful at times and lonely, but oh the incredible things God will do for us if we wait for His timing.
I wish I could give you all a big hug right now and tell you that your mamma’s should be proud of you. Try not to doubt yourselves, but remember Zephaniah 3:17 if you do…
The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His Love, He will rejoice over you with singing.
Thank you, and SOOOO true. I didn’t hear those words until I was nearly 30. Now I have been happily married for nearly 19 years. I want to share this for all the young women i know who are waiting to hear them too.
Wonderful post. Let me encourage you with my story. I did not date until I met my husband and I was 45 years old. We dated for 3 years.(I can tell you that was hard waiting 3 more years to marry when you are 45) When we married I was 48. We have been married 4 wonderful years. He is a Godly man and my best friend. I am so glad I waited on the Lord. It was not easy to wait but when you wait for God’s best it is so different. Special, wonderful.
I love this. Thank you, Lindsee. I see the pressures my 13-year-old niece faces on an almost hourly basis, and it’s heartbreaking. She seems grounded at the moment, but that’s just been recent. And the influences in her immediate circle are atrocious.
Lindsee, Thanks so much for posting this! I’m 28 and share a similar story to yours. Its always nice to know that you’re not alone in your struggles! Thanks for the reminder not to let it get us down:) I pray God keeps blessing your heart with wisdom and joy and discernment! Jesus is most definitely the most fulfilling love we’ll ever have 😀
Beautifully stated. Thanks for sharing.
I’m with ya, sister. Even at nearly 45 yrs old, the sting of never having been genuinely loved by a man can, at times, be nauseating. I’ve only known the hurt of illegitimate “love” along the path of trying to create something that resembled being wanted. It’s one of the things I wonder if I’ll ever see God restore and bless. I try to “feel” loved by the one True Love of my life, but perhaps that will come when I finally see Him face to face, not here. I know that He is faithful and unchanging and always for me, so for now, I find peace in that truth.