Thanks for allowing me take a few days before I attempted to put something so indescribable into actual words. I had to ponder the experience in my heart before I could even think about typing. Good thing I had 36 of hours of travel before me, right? Friday was the climactic moment of our trip, the day when Compassion’s child sponsorship program was fully realized and finally personalized for each one of us. We had the incredible opportunity to meet our precious sponsor children in the flesh along with a translator so that we could communicate with them. It was a day filled with laughter and tears. I really had underestimated what this particular day would mean to me. It was an incredible thing to actually see their faces and to touch their skin. All of the sudden everything became so very real. My two India sponsor-kids, Manot and Pramila, along with their two Fathers, had traveled over a day’s journey just to see me.
I have to type it again. They had traveled over twenty-four hours just to see me.
When I learned that the four of them along with translators from their village had traveled such a distance, it really intimidated me and made me feel a little bit insecure. I thought, “Are they annoyed that they had to come all this way just to see me- I am so not worth it?” Since they knew absolutely no English I asked via the translator, “Are they exhausted from the long journey?” The translator then went back and forth with them and with a huge smile on his face, he said, “No, they’re just really excited.” And I took a deep breath, opened my heart, and let it all soak in.
Here is a picture of the five of us:
The four of them were dressed in their Sunday best. It was almost enough to deceive me into thinking that they really weren’t all that poor. I was thinking in my mind, “Why didn’t Compassion give me one of the kids from the slums we visited, they seemed like they needed sponsorship more.” A little bit skeptical, I asked our near-omniscient Compassion India guide Jaiashree if she had been to the village where my children were from.
She answered, “Yes.”
And that was all she said.
And so I pulled the whole persistent widow act and said, “O-kkkaaayyy, so tell me about it. Compare it to some of the villages and slums we’ve already visited. I want a picture in my mind of where my kids actually live.”
And she said, “I can’t compare them.”
I responded, “Jaiashree, what do you mean you can’t compare them?”
And then she said words in her unforgettable accent that will continue to haunt me forever: “They are much poorer, Melissa. Poorer than any of the slums we’ve seen this week. They are very, very poor.”
Ouch. Why did she have to say it like that and why do I always have to ask so many questions?
I wanted to scream at someone but instead I just shook my head and said softly, “Don’t tell me that. Don’t break my heart.”
I came to find out that my kids live in mud-huts. Their village has absolutely no electricity. I have to clarify this because even some of the poorest slums in the city have some electricity simply because of the accessibility that comes with being in close proximity to a city. Their village needs potable water, for they often have to revert to drinking out of filthy water holes. After speaking to one of the Dads through a translator, I discovered that he makes $17 a month. In the very best of circumstances. Since he is a daily laborer, some months he doesn’t get any work at all. He supports a family of five. If you do the math assuming the very best scenario $17 is a little over half of $32, the price I pay each month to sponsor a child though Compassion. Talk about humbling. It is almost double what he makes a month. Again, this is assuming he gets work. I found this terribly discouraging and humbling but also very encouraging. Let me explain. The sobering part of the math breakdown is that $32 is about how much I spend on Starbucks coffee per week. And $32 is less than the price Colin and I pay for dinner on a handful of nights per week. Sometimes we pay less but several times a week we pay more. On the other hand, that my $32 is almost twice what a sole-supporter of a family of five makes per month demonstrates how effective my contribution can really be. In the long run, considering I keep up sponsorship for the years to come, my contribution truly can break the cycle of poverty in a child’s life. Relatively speaking, it is huge.
Now back to our day. If you read my post from last week, then you know that we took the children to a place called “Science City”. The kids had a blast and directly after we got off the seriously disturbing Gondola ride we set off for lunch. We took the entire crew to eat in a food-court at an upscale mall in Calcutta. I hate to use the word “upscale” because the mall itself would have been a very typical mall in the States. This was an enlightening time for me because I was able to ask a number of direct and personal questions through our translator, both to the children and their Fathers. My two kids are from the same village so their Fathers were actually friends, which was really neat. I asked them if they had ever been to Calcutta. One of the Fathers answered, “I am a poor man, I do not have enough money to come to the city.” I was shocked to find out that not even one of them, including the two Fathers in their mid-forties, had ever even been to a city before. It was their very first time and they were like little kids. They were having a blast. Some of my fellow bloggers had different experiences watching their kids eating the food we bought for them. Apparently some of the kids were overwhelmed or maybe even intimidated by the amount of food they were served. *Not mine* They ate for a solid hour. I was done with my pizza in less than ten minutes. But, they just kept eating and eating. I asked them how the food was and they just had these huge beaming smiles stretching across their faces. They absolutely loved the food and were literally the last ones to finish.
When we got back to our hotel, we each went to various corners in the lobby to present our children with gift bags to take back home with them. I had a blast showing them pictures of my home, my friends, and my family. I tried to split up the pictures that I brought between the two families but the Fathers insisted upon putting them in one safe place so as not to lose any of them.
After playing with our children for about an hour or so, I realized that our leaders were signaling some message to us. Our time was coming to an end. We had been so busy anticipating meeting our sponsor children that for some reason we hadn’t even thought about the reality of having to say good-bye to them. As we hugged them good-bye for the last time my heart began to race and I noticed that Manot urgently kept saying something, the same line, over and over again to me. So, I beckoned the translator and I said, “Can you translate what he is trying to tell me?”
He is saying, “Please pray for us.”
Seriously, can one heart take it? That’s what nine-year-old Manot was trying to tell me. After all the gifts I had brought him. After all the food we had served him. After all the fun we had. This was his one urgent request:
“Please pray for us.”
I assured him through my tears that I would never ever stop praying for them.
That was the last verbal exchange we had before we said good-bye with oversized lumps in our throats and then we waved and waved and waved. I can’t count the times they looked back at me. They hung out of the window of the van, and we blew about a million kisses back and forth. As the van started to move, I felt my heart sink.
Will I ever see them again?
Will they make it?
Angie and I both looked at one another, each of us looking to the other for some much-needed consolation. I realized quickly I wasn’t going to get it from her. And she certainly wasn’t going to get it from me. We were both a mess. Both of our eyes were fixed on the van. We just kept watching it. Until the van was no longer in sight. With tears welling up in my eyes, I asked Angie if she thought we would ever see them again. Then we both broke down and lost it. That heartrending moment lingered for what seemed like forever.
And then I knew we needed comic relief so I reverted to my humor defense mechanism and said, “Considering our tolerance for curry, the reality of a return in the near future doesn’t look promising, does it?”
And so we conjured up half a smile through our tears. We just had to.
Here is a picture of the two of us in a moment far less intense than the one I just described.
I can’t tell you how badly I wish my two kids had electricity and wi-fi to go along with it. How bad I wish that they could read this post. I know I can write them but I want them to hear my heart right this very moment. I would say to them, “Manot, I love you. And Pramila, I love you. And I’m not just saying it because you need to hear it or because I know your parents probably don’t say it often. A week ago that might have been the case. But not today. Today I awoke with thoughts of you. Wondering what you are doing this very moment, so many thousands of miles away from me. Hearing the faint pitch of your sweet voices and your quirky laughter. Worrying about what you’re eating. If you drank enough water to be satisfied. Picturing you, Manot, smiling and kicking around a soccer ball in the hot sun and you, Pramila, scribbling on the new drawing pads we bought you. Your project leader told me that you are going to be a great artist. Mostly, I want you to know that I’m praying for you. Praying that you will live to declare how lavishly our God has loved you through the work of Jesus Christ on the cross. Praying that in spite of all that you may endure, that you will know that our God is good and that He loves you with all of His heart. Please pray for your Sponsor-Mom, too… she needs to remember how good God is in spite of all the hardship you’re facing as well.”
Oh, what a deep imprint Manot and Pramila have made on this hard heart of mine. And not just the two of them but all of the people, so deeply loved by God, in Calcutta and India at large who must fight for their survival, each and every day. I could never have prepared myself for all that I saw last week. For example, during one of my visits to a devastating slum, a half-clothed, poverty stricken crippled man with his back hunched over in a ninety-degree angle limped slowly over to me. He had purchased a coconut for me with whatever small amount of money he did have and then proceeded to slice the top open for me to drink so that I could be protected from the heat. And mind you, I was the one going back to the air-conditioned hotel. Not him. What was I supposed to do with that? And that is just one of about several hundred stories I could tell.
Because we each had experiences like this and because I am sure our eyes were about to glaze over, the leaders of our group called for a debriefing in lieu of a corporate lobotomy. During this debriefing they gave us a safe place to talk about what some of us were feeling and thinking. It was great but we really needed another entire week to hash it all out. I’ll never forget the words that Shaun Groves said before we left the debriefing. He asked us this question:
“Now that you know, what will you do?”
He continued by saying, “You’ve spent your words lavishly on the blog, now it’s time to spend your lives.” Talk about messing me up. And so it was to this tune that our re-entry began.
I will confess something about myself. You know that I’m going through an emotionally or spiritually trying time when I bust out one of the movies from “The Lord of the Rings” Trilogy. Other girls may bust out “Sleepless in Seattle” or even “Pride and Prejudice” but I bust out Tolkien. There was one awful season in my life when along with reading the books, I actually watched at least one of the films every night for two months. I wish I were exaggerating. You can ask my Dad because he was so ready for me to get a grip. I was totally hogging the television and he had deer-show watching needs that definitely were not being met. And, yeah, I know…spending three hours a night watching movies wasn’t exactly good stewardship of my time. But it’s the truth. I nearly have the entire Trilogy memorized. And that is saying a lot since most of the proper names sound exactly the same.
Well, yesterday, it happened again. This time my victim was “The Return of the King.” Have you ever seen it? Do you remember the last scene when Frodo unexpectedly boards the ship to sail to the Grey Havens? Throughout their life-threatening journey to Mordor, Frodo and Sam kept dreaming about such things like the taste of the strawberries on the Shire but when Frodo actually does get back to the Shire, for some reason, it is like he can’t fully enjoy the normal comforts that the Shire has to offer. I’ve always speculated about why exactly Frodo has to sail to the Grey Havens. I think that Frodo has just been through too much. His scars run too deep. After years of being back at the Shire they still haven’t healed. In the movie he asks the rhetorical question: “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? And then he explains, “There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep…they have taken hold.”
But I’m not a hobbit.
And this is real life.
I don’t get to sail off and escape from the white shores into a far green country under a swift sunrise with Gandalf.
Ironically, my life just happens to be deep in the heart of excessive American culture. And I’d by lying to you if I said I don’t enjoy it. The honest truth is that I know myself. I know that quickly normal life will pick back up and the temptation will be to forget all I have seen. To move forward without any change. While others around me may wish for me to hurry up and acclimate to normal life again, my fear is that I will too quickly move ahead. That I will forget all I have seen, heard, touched, smelled, and felt.
I know myself.
I’m just an All-American twenty-six year old girl, consumed with comfort, security, vanity, wealth, and materialism like the “best” of them. In light of who I know I am I feel compelled to ask that the Lord would perform a miracle on my behalf- that he would keep the emotional wounds that were carved during the past few weeks from healing. Now, I know you may think I’m a bit morbid, eccentric, or even just plain weird. But that’s okay, because I’ve been called far worse, I’m sure of it. So this is my prayer today- that time won’t have its typical way with me. That the sharp edge of the sting I feel deep in my soul won’t ever be dulled or alleviated.
With so much love and affection,
Melissa
P.S. Thank you for coming away with me to Calcutta. This blog community has floored me with its willingness to pray for us and also to get on board with what the Lord is doing through Compassion. I want you to know that your generosity has been noted. Those of you who are already sponsors with Compassion and are interested in visiting your sponsor child in the future should click here for more information. I know the trips might be costly and time-consuming but if the Lord paves the way or places it on your heart, then check it out. You are an amazing group of people and I am so honored to “know” you through blogland. Wouldn’t have missed it for the world. By the way, I also want you to head to read a post written by Patricia Jones, one of my new favorite people in the world. In my opinion, it is one of the most powerful posts from the entire trip.
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Melissa, I’d be willing to bet that there’s not one person whose heart and life hasn’t been changed by going on the journey with you all to India! And if there is, then their heart must be made of steel. I was completey humbled by the experience, the words of all the blogger, and the faces of the people of India!! I’m praying for your new normal, because something tells me your life will never be the same!
Thank you for sharing….there is nothing more eye opening to our own materialism and focus than to leave America and see the world and see others who cling to God…while we cling to our things and grab God when we think we need Him. Thank you for the reality check and the transparency. It made me refocus!
thanks so much for sharing your heart and thoughts from your trip. I pray that we can also see, feel and hear through your words what you all experienced and be wrecked ourselves. And so much so that we act and are changed.
Please, please don’t ever lose this feeling! You may have been a reluctant missionary, but you are missionary now. Nothing can ever change that unless you allow it. The harvest is truly plentous, but the laborer are practically non-existant in light of the need.
Blessings
Your blog and Angie’s are the only two I’ve had time to follow during this trip. I told my husband that I feel like I’ve had spiritual open heart surgery. I don’t want to get over it, either.
Thank you for being so open and honest with your feelings. God has given you a gift with words and you have used them well!! You have used words not to condemn anyone, but to encourage us to righteousness.
Just last night I was looking for a new Vera Bradley bag. WHY?? I don’t need another stupid tote bag, but they were awful cute. Nope . . . . I’m not letting myself get one. End of story.
Thank you, Melissa.
The Lord has tatooed ‘Compassion’ into your heart. I pray He does the same for me. Thank you for sharing a small part of your journey home. May God continue to do His mighty work in and through you Melissa. B His Girl
Melissa,
Even though I don’t know you personally, I have seen such a change in you. I have seen you become more real and honest, and there is a softer side of you that has emerged. It is amazing to see how God is working in you. I have followed your trip, also, and you have touched my heart. I can see God speaking/working in my heart…to reach out and touch others. Will it hurt? More than likely…but I need to remember how others are hurting. Thank you…thank you for being so encouraging and sharing so much of yourself. You have been such a blessing!
Cheri-Beri,
Your comment made me smile. I actually was given a Vera Bradley bag by a family member years ago for Christmas and never even used it once. I decided to give it to Pramila and she absolutely loved it. The tag was still on it when I put it in my suitcase, to my own shame. I was told they love bags or any storage container since most of them don’t have anything to contain their possessions. It was fun to be able to give it to her. It was very girly.
Much Love to you,
Melissa
Melissa,
I love you!! Everyday I would check the blog to see if we’ve heard from you and to see what else you could bring to life to me. You are an amazing lady and even though I am 42 years old, I want to be just like you. I always want to be like your mother, but today it’s the love you have for Christ and what you sacrificed to take us to India and experience what those children experience daily, that shows me how amazing you are.
Because of your blog and Pete’s blog, I have sponsored a child! Without you, I would have never done it.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Tammy
your honesty and humility has brought me to tears. this trip was beautiful and i’m so thankful for all of you for sharing your stories and your hearts.
Melissa,
I’m speechless. The beauty of your words lift my spirits and humble me all at the same time. Thank you for your raw honesty.
Remember, next time you and Colin are in Nashville please mark off some time for us. We’d love to hang out with each of you.
Brandi
Brandi,
I absolutely can’t wait to meet you. Thank you for your kind words to me. I hope your sweet family has such a fun today with all the celebration and whatnot and you can count on us coming to visit in Nashville.
Much Love to the Wilsons from Fitzpatricks.
Melissa, I’m speechless and that doesn’t happen often – in fact, almost never. Your words and pictures have touched my soul in such a very good way. I have found and sponsored Yogita – a precious child from India, and I am so excited.
Your words today remind me of one of my very favorite songs by Point of Grace.
I used to wish that I could rewrite history,
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased,
Then I could just pretend I never knew the me back then.
I used to pray that You would take this shame away, Hide all the evidence of who I’ve been,
But it’s the memory of he place You brought me from,
That keeps me on my knees and even though I’m free.
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are.
I am broken, torn apart.
Take the pieces of this heart,
And heal the wound but leave the scar
I have not lived a life that boasts of anything.
I don’t take pride in what I bring,
But I’ll build an altar with the rubble that You’ve found me in,
And every stone will sing,
Of what You can redeem
Heal the wound but leave the scar.
A reminder of how merciful You are.
I am broken, torn apart.
Take the pieces of this heart,
And heal the wound but leave the scar.
Don’t let me forget,
Everything You’ve done for me.
Don’t let me forget,
The beauty in the suffering
Heal the wound but leave the scar.
A reminder of how merciful You are.
I am broken, torn apart.
Take the pieces of this heart,
And heal the wound but leave the scar.
With His love!
onehappychic
crawford, texas
Hey Melissa,
Thank you for your vulnerability. I spent last summer in South Asia (not India but a nation nearby) and my heart will never be the same. Wading through day-to-day American life and it’s vehement ability to distract my heart from the brokenness Jesus allowed me to experience for His image bearers while there has really been tough. It really is a foreign way of living but each day, I realize more and more the great joy and fulfillment of choosing to be broken. It’s hard. I don’t have it figured out. But wow, the perspective it entails brings a newfound appreciation and beauty to every blessing we daily experience. What lavish love has been poured out on us! May we continue to labor and see that covenant blessing extended to the nations that His glory and praise may arise from every tribe, tongue, nation, and people. Again girl, thank you so much for your obedience and honesty. You bless me.
Katie
Tulsa, OK
Melissa,
I don’t know how you did all that. Just reading your posts I sat here fighting back tears in the comfort of my own office. We are truly a blessed people for sure. I pray God will never allow me to get so comfotable that I lose sight of the hurt in the world.
You are such a deep thinker …. so in tune to God and His Spirit. I am better off since you have shared your spirit with me. Thanks and I am glad you made it back safe with images you will never forget. You are a changed woman….never to be the same. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.
Jan Witt
Melissa – you rock sista!
I have lived this experience through your eyes and your prolific writing, and your heart for Jesus shines through – thank you so much! I have welled up more than once – God is soooo smiling on you! 🙂 I am so grateful that you took this trip, not only for the impact that it had on your life, but on mine as well. I must shamefully admit that I have been a little slack when it comes to putting aside my hectic schedule and writing my sponsor child more diligently – but no more!! Your beautiful stories have re-inspired me and re-reminded me of the little life that is at the receiving-end of those letters. I only got part of the way through one of your posts – the one where you said that our sponsor child knows our names. (I tear-up now just thinking about it) and realized how selfish I had been! Your stunning stories and ability to relay what you had experienced have convicted me. You are so very blessed to have visited your children in-person! It is now my dream to visit my little Compassion girl in Ecuador one day as well!
Thanks again!
Blessings,
Natasha
Thanks, Melissa, for letting us tag along with you last week to Calcutta. Your words and the pictures have done a lot of work in a lot of hearts.
Bless you (and Lord, bless all of them),
Warm in Alaska.
Melissa,
I have cried for an entire week while following your journey. I hope you know how many people your trip has affected. I have heard it being talked about all over the place. I am so thankful that God is bringing much needed awareness to India!
BTW- when I go to India to pick up our daughter, I’d be happy to take your sponsor kids some “prizes” from you. (if you’d like)
Blessings,
Brittnie
Melissa,
I pray you never recover….Thank you for helping God to change my heart as well.
In Him,
Sarah Rader
Burlington,KY
I can’t tell you how God has penetrated my heart through your journey, Melissa. My heart is broken and I am ashamed to admit that after 10 years of sponsorship, I wrote my child only once! God forgive me! I can hardly even see through these tears to type this. The opportunity that I have wasted! Thankfully, today’s a new day! And it’s not too late. Bless you and your fellow bloggers for making such a difficult journey for each of us.
Btw, I had been planning to sponsor another child since you began blogging but I wasn’t necessarily thinking of a child in India. But when I saw that one particular face, that looks so much like my little guy, I knew he was the one!
Thank you so much, Melissa for putting into words what my heart feels so often these days.
My emotions are all over the board with what we Americans, pampered and spoiled think is hardship.
I’m angry and then just like you, I realize that I rely heavily on my own comforts and take most for granted.
I went to the National Day of Prayer website and then to the prayer wall to just check it out.
At first I was almost sick when people were praying things like, “Pray my boss notices I did a great job on a project and I get promoted and/or a raise”.
But, then I saw others from teens that wanted to die, commit suicide because of horrible family situations.
We have “everything” and nothing without a real love for Our Lord and the honest truth is – if you don’t love the least of these – you don’t love HIM.
You get it, Sweetheart and I love you for being honest.
Praying for you and your children,
Teri
CMNB,
Do not be ashamed. The truth is that it is really hard to realize that your sponsor child is anything more than a piece of paper. That is why it is so important to hear the stories from the people who actually have seen the children in person. It is a totally different ball-game when you realize these are not just our spiritual children and they are not just photos on a piece of a paper. They are real. And the money you pay every single month is seriously breathing life into them.
Be blessed and encouraged by your many years of sponsorship.
MMF
Praise the Lord that all went well! Your posts were so inspiring…esp. this last one, so thank you! I remember feeling everything you felt after returning from Africa last summer on a sponsorship trip. I even watched the LOTR after so I feel a bit of a connection. 🙂 I put the subtitles on and watched each one 2x over a course of a week so I could pause at certain parts and jot down the good lines…like the one you quoted. Maybe that will make you feel better to know. 🙂 Anyways, thanks again for sharing! Life may slowly “get back to normal for you,” but you will never be the same! I am so happy for your experience and jealous. 🙂 Your honest humility is so inspiring! I am even prayerfully considering sponsoring yet another child again myself now… 🙂
Melissa, your COMPASSIONATE heart shines off the pages of these blog posts about India! Thank you so much for sharing this trip with us.
When I first returned from a 10-day mission trip in southern Mexico several years ago I was like you are now. I could not get the poverty off my mind. I thought of the Christian lady we visited whose home was just a little shanty made of wood and cardboard and the floor was simply packed dirt. She was dying with breast cancer as she lay on a cot in the very hot and humid shanty. As she fanned the flies away with a cardboard fan, she was all smiles as she testified of her salvation and assurance of eternal life. I’ll never forget it.
When I returned to the USA, I was so thankful for the tiny, very old house that we live in. Then….as happens….gradually I thought about the people in Mexico less and less as time passed by. How selfish I have become.
I know that I may not ever get back down to the bottom of Mexico to that same large city but how many poor people here in the USA do I pass by without a second glance? Do I shun people that don’t have the same standard of living that I do? Do richer people shun me because I live below their level? What hypocrites we can sometimes be! Myself included!
Your posts have gotten me to thinking about so much! Not just the responsibility I have to the people in foreign countries, but to those who may be my neighbors.
May God richly bless you for all you have done!
Marilyn…..in Mississippi
With tears flowing and a boulder in my throat ‘Thank You’ from the bottom of my heart for allowing us to travel along with you through our blog. God is reaching into the depths through your sharing. Wow…now I’m speechless!
Wow. Thank you so very much for writing to tell us of your experience on this trip. This is a trip most likely I will never be able to take, but through the blog I feel as though I have seen enough to know that God is calling me to help & sponsor a child. I have cried after reading every post you've written this week. My 2 year old asks, "Mommy, why are you sad?" and I ask her if she wants to help these beautiful children and she says "Yes!". Just this morning she was singing "Jesus loves the little children…all the children of the world!" How appropriate. I so often forget how blessed we are. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Melissa,
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this with us. I feel that I have been changed by this trip too, even though I have only traveled through the words and pictures of the bloggers.
I have two Compassion children that I dutifully pay for monthly, but I am now going to take a much more active role with them. I just didn’t realize my participation in their lives was so important to them.
I so much want to be focused on what really matters in life, but it is so easy to get distracted.
I am eager to read a book that one of the bloggers mentioned called The Hole in our Gospel, by Richard Stearnes.
God bless you!!!
Melissa
Asheville, NC
WOW, Melissa! Thank you for opening up your heart and your experience to us… for showing us that so many precious people have it far worse than we could ever imagine. Like the other siestas, I too, would rather sit here with tears coming down my face with a broken heart than be ignorant and never hear about those that need prayer and love.
You will be in my prayers – I know that He doesn’t want you to forget about the impact this trip had on you, the smiling faces, the sweet hands, the changes that have happened in your heart from a once in a lifetime experience. I pray that He will give you constant reminders to keep it fresh in your mind and your heart. Thank you again for sharing so much with us. Even though I’ll probably never meet you, I feel like I know you – praise Jesus for the relationships He helps us form without ever needing to talk. 🙂
May He bless you richly this week as you soak in each minute of your trip.
Melissa,
Thanks for your wonderful and inspiring posts from India. I looked at pics of all the children that need sponsors. I’m so torn. I am really drawn to young children to sponsor, but I’m 62, so I keep being morbid about not being around for them for very long too.
I’m hoping that God leads me to choose the “right” child.
Thanks again for sharing.
Paula Roswell, GA
melissa, i bawled through this just like the rest of your posts. i had to read the line that your kids had travelled for a day to see you about fifteen times. seriously. i’m praying for you…love you!
Nothing . . . I have nothing to say, but WOW. I don’t even have words to express what is going on in my heart and mind right now. I’ll be back to read and reread this post. Thank you Melissa!
Oh my, Melissa,
I must confess to having one of the absolute hardest hearts of anyone I know and it just broke all over my office while the tears came reading your post. In being obsessed with materialism and so focused on my own so-called “crises” each day, it is so easy to pretend that there aren’t others living in absolute poverty who are amazed by what we take for granted.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us through the blog. I can promise that I will never forgot it and will most certainly be ponying up my credit card number to Compassion very, very soon.
Casi
Thanks, Melissa, for allowing God to use you. I have laughed and cried with each post-would have never gotten in that gondola myself! Today I finally took action and sponsored a child in India. I am excited to begin writing to her and praying for her. I have floundered these past few years as a stay at home Mom whose children are grown. Now I can, in a small way, “mother” this precious child in India. What a blessing for me!
THANKS Melissa for this post, along with the others. I managed to read it with tears streaming down my face. It reminded me so of staying on a YWAM base in Mozambique in 2005 – no electricity/running water etc. but such a rewarding time. So many life-long, heartfelt friendships – one of the richest times in my marriage… love from Cape Town, South Africa
Melissa, Your blog totally reduced me to a flood of tears. I will pray that God does not heal your heart over what you saw, but I will also ask for prayer. I just received my sponor packet for my chld(actually a 13 year old girl) and am so eager to make contact with her and get aquainted. Andreia lives in Brazil and we share so many things in common…I mentioned our birthdays, asthma for a couple. I talked with a lady at Compassion International yesterday for some help and she was able to give me more info on her. Your post has helped me know what to say in my first letter to her…thank you for that. My prayer request is that I don’t always see Andreia as a “piece of paper” or an account number. I have a picture of her that I will keep visible at all times to remind me that she is real and a child of God. Our Bible group is doing “Daniel” for the second time in 3 years and I understand what you mean about living in a country of excess and Daniel is bringing it all back! How can we not be affected to some degree? I pray that our sponsor children will remind us to stay rooted and grounded in the Word and NOT in our culture. On a lighter note….since I am 64, maybe Andreia will refer to me as Sponsor-Grandmother or even tia Donna…I am so excited. God works in ways we can’t even imagine…if it had not been for your trip and blogs, I would not have the opportunity to help a child. Love you Melissa!!!
I am so profoundly moved by your post. I also read your friends and between the two….many tears.
My Lord, My God, How I pray I never forget these little ones. While we can't help everyone, Lord may we help those you have chosen for us to help. In Jesus name, Amen.
Melissa you are so blessed with the ability to put into words what and how you feel, and while you convict our hearts, you are so like your Mom in never making us feel guilty or condemned. You just awaken us to our real call here on earth. May we never forget that we as Americans live in Babylon.
I pray you get your rest and can hardly wait for your next post to come from this trip. I'm sure there will be more.
Blessings to you & Colin,
Bible Bunny in NO MI
I lived this moment and still have no idea how you captured it with words. Absolutely amazing!
By the way, is my “man card” in question for leaving a comment here?
Melissa, thank you for sharing your experiences. I never get enough of hearing about what Compassion is doing for kids around the world. You are so fortunate to have gotten to meet your kids… how I long to meet mine and just can’t make it happen. My other kids have never pushed the visiting issue, but I have a little girl in Uganda right now who writes every time of how much she hopes I will come to meet her and her family and see her home. After explaining what a great amount of money it would cost to go to Africa and how I just don’t have that much money, but if God wants us to meet, He will make it happen, she responded by telling me she is praying for God to triple my income so I can come and see her. A child whose family makes a dollar a day is praying for God to triple my income? Now that is humbling. (And no matter how impossible it looks to me right now, I have a feeling that somehow God’s going to be sending me to Africa someday… because that little girl has an awful lot of faith that He will…) Please keep us updated as you process your thoughts upon re-entry — that must surely be the hardest part of visiting, is the return.
Melissa,
I’m praying for you in your re-entry. I returned from my first trip to India in February ’08 a completely different woman from the one that left. Coming home is HARD. Relating to your husband who didn’t go is HARD. Eating out and realizing you could have just fed an entire village makes you suddenly lose your appetite.
Joy may be hard to find in the next few weeks. When it comes, sometimes you may feel guilty about it. But joy is okay.
From now on, you are responsible for what you know. You don’t have to go back to the person you used to be. But who you are is an amazing woman of God who just used her gifts and talents to open up a whole new world to both the readers of this blog and hundreds of little Indian children. Where you go from here is up to you.
But I can tell you that it was just a little over a year before I went back, and am planning to return in October. Once these beautiful people are under your skin, it’s hard to let go!
Praying for you and your sweet husband, that time will do nothing but strengthen your passion for each other, the Lord and the work left to be done.
Thank you for inviting us along on your journey. You are an amazing storyteller!
Pete, Shaun had the guts enough to comment yesterday so I think he paved the way for you. What is funny is that we actually do get male readers but they are just too afraid to comment. So I reckon you are more “manly” for your bravery.
Prairie Rose, your comment moved me. How fortunate are you to have a little girl from Uganda who loves you that much? It is just too much to bear. Blessings to you- MMF
Melissa,
I can tell you from experience that you will NEVER forget! I got back from Moldova 2 months ago, and I still feel like it was yesterday.
I have to tell you, the blogs definitely help! I love to go back and read my blogs from the trip, and look at all the pictures. It helps me remember everything that happened. I feel like everyday I remember something new! And, none of those kids have EVER been out of my mind. I am constantly thinking and praying for them! So glad you had fun!!
Becca
http://beccaetaylor.blogspot.com
Melissa, I’m so thankful that you took us along with you on this incredible journey. And that God used you to cause me to latch on to my own special little gal in India. I think she is simply beautiful! Thank you and much love from my heart to yours.
Yolanda
wow. just WOW.
I feel so spoiled as I sit here with tears in my eyes drinking my clean bottled water. And I will never forget the words “Now that you know, what will you do?”
Thank you for refreshing me.
I can’t even begin to express how many ways and how very much your post touched me. I was sitting in tears reading about the environment your kids live in, how all they want is prayer… I pray that one day, God will open a door for me to be cut open and raw just as he did to you. I think every single one of us needs that, in this terribly materialistic, Me-Me-Me society we live in. I feel like I went on this trip with you guys and I am so thankful for that! I pray none of us ever forget what we saw through your eyes, and will make a decision to do something about it everyday.
Dearest Melissa,
Thank you for having the courage to do and face what so many of us are afraid to acknowledge actually exists. Your experience has changed my life. We’ve been sponsoring a precious little girl from India for several years. I confess, to my great shame, that I have mostly gone through the motions as her sponsor parent, feeling a sense of annoyance at times when it came time to send another letter, writing fast and furiously without much thought or heart. Shame on me. I had no idea how much it meant to these little ones to have us partnering with them. No clue at all that she’d cherish my letters, the ones written with a sense of satisfaction to check something else off the to-do list. I will never again treat this opportunity with such casual indifference. I have my next letter downstairs on the desk, waiting to be written. I can hardly wait. This time I’m putting it off because I want to make sure I say all the things I should have been saying all along. Like I love you and I believe in you and I am crazy about you and so is God. Oh, how I pray her little heart will sense the difference in my tone. Whether or not I ever meet Raja this side of heaven, I now have the joy of knowing our relationship is REAL. And someday she and I will praise God together for crossing our paths. Be blessed, Melissa!
Love,
Renee
Melissa:
Thank you for the beautiful words. My heart ached for you and the children.
Beth – I know you are soooo proud of Melissa! You did a great job raising them both! :o)
hey melissa,
so glad to know you made it home safely. i have been reading your entries and left speechless every time, not even knowing how to comment. (still don’t.)
-i loved hearing the laughter of those children in the video. priceless.
-i loved the conviction with which you wrote to us, and was encouraged and challenged by the things you were seeing and learning.
-thank you for being a part of the voice for these children and families who we otherwise would never have the chance to see their sweet faces and know their stories.
-several years ago as a college student the Lord began putting it on my heart to sponsor a child. the speaker at a weekend retreat event i attended brought with him several sponsor packets, so i raised my hand indicating that i was interested in receiving one. i was handed the LAST packet in the room, and nearly lost my breath when i saw that the girl i had been given to sponsor was from Tanzania, where my parents served as missionaries for 2 years. i was even more floored to learn after sharing the packet with my mom, that my sweet sponsor child, lizzy, lives in the SAME TOWN that my parents lived and worked in during their time in africa. my parents have always wanted to take my brother and i to Tanzania to see where they lived, and now i am praying that the Lord provides an opportunity for this to somehow happen so i can meet my sweet little girl! i can’t imagine the emotions of that moment of seeing them for the first time. what a treasure.
(ps…my brother and SIL had their baby 3 weeks ago, and this past thursday i got to meet my nephew for the first time. you were right…there is nothing like it. and i bawled like a baby when i left.)
Renee,
God bless you for your honest comment and for you generosity. You are precious.
Abby,
I could not believe all the coincidences that you wrote about. That is just amazing. And, p.s. congratulations on being an aunt. It is the best thing ever. I’m glad you know the feeling now.
I’m so glad you were given the gift of time with them- the memories are and will continue to be rich. I remember the day when my language teacher in Kyiv sat at my kitchen table, stunned- I had jumped up to take something out of the oven. She told me she thought Americans ate every meal at McDonald’s and didn’t know how to cook (the ability part could be questioned). And the time I took Sveta to a restaurant for the first time… God will help you find a balance for it all in your heart and mind in time. Blessings!
This is sooo beautiful…thank you for sharing from your heart. They are beautiful. I get this… about feeling this pain and yet wanting the pain to linger so you don’t forget, because which is worse…and I think it’s really a beautiful and a powerful place to be caught.