Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweet Things!
My Valentine of 30 years is in the next room sawing logs. He’ll hear the dogs barking pretty soon and come stumbling out of the room with his hair looking a little Mohawkish from sleeping hard on both sides. Mine, on the other hand, has that Tina Turner look this morning. He’ll then holler something out the back door at Star and Geli that I’ll wish the neighbors hadn’t heard, especially when he sees that they’ve dug a flower bed to China. I do dearly love that man. He keeps me honest.
Our first Valentine’s Day together had us dating about four months. I was completely smitten by how gorgeous he was and by how much money he’d spend on a date. Daddy’s money. I didn’t care. I didn’t even have to pay my own way to the movie. He was one of those rare people in a State college that actually had some cash in his pocket. But here’s where he got me. On our first real date, he took me to dinner then afterward said, “Why don’t we go have a cup of coffee?” We went to an all-night diner and drank weak coffee (all I could handle at the time; I wasn’t the pro I am now) out of heavy off-white cups sitting in heavy off-white saucers that clunked when you set the cup down. Every time the waitress poured a refill, it sloshed over the edge and pooled into the saucer and I thought how my Pappaw used to finish his off by tipping it and slurping loudly out of it. The young man that sat before me was a conversationalist. A beautiful one at that. And I was in love. Turned out, he was the only person I’d ever met that was as messed up as me. Order the tux. Rent the dress. It’s a match made in…Heaven.
My first Valentine’s present from Keith was a fishing pole. I was taken aback. You should have seen what the man got me for Christmas two months earlier. Where had the romance gone? A fishing pole. A green and black one. Not even my colors. He was also the only one at the PKA house with a bass boat I might add. He loaded me, that ugly flat boat and a pair of fishing poles up with all the promise of Abraham and headed us to Canyon Lake, not too far from our university. I hated what I had on. After a short set of lessons in keeping with his short fuse, he said, “OK, now give it a shot. You’re wide open. Just don’t hit that limb right over there.” And suddenly that limb was all on earth I could focus on. I kept looking at it and mumbling, “Don’t hit that limb right over there, don’t hit that limb right over there, don’t hit that limb right over there,” then I performed my very first…and last…fishing cast and hit that limb square on as if I’d spent my life training for it. That hideous lure spun around that branch for ten solid minutes while Keith said a string of somethings that I should have broken up with him for.
He never did get that outdoors woman he wanted. I never did get that church boy.
But here we are. Every day’s a new day. Some days I’m not sure we’ll make it. Other days eternity doesn’t sound long enough to know him. We’re both such messed up people that we’ve each been married to half a dozen spouses that all somehow looked alike. Today we’re Mohawk Man (you might say “Spike”) and Tina Turner.
So, what’s love got to do with it? Got to do with it?
A ton. You keep praying for it every single day of your marriage and you will it again till you feel it again. And one February night, like our last night, you just might be sitting on the floor with your three-year-old grandson playing cars while your man’s sitting in his easy chair with your nine-day-old granddaughter in his enormous hands and you’ll see tears streaming down his cheeks as he looks at her. And so many hard times will fade away like the morning mist. They’ll probably be back tomorrow and you might wonder how you’re going to make it, but you just decide to keep on. You just keep making the choice and hope he will, too. Because, make no mistake, it takes two.
I’ve never done anything harder than marriage. Nor anything that forced more change in my badly-needed-change life.
I love Keith Moore. Again today. He is my life-long Valentine. He’s who I long to hear say those words of Mr. Darcy to Miss Elizabeth Bennett, “You have bewitched me.” That’s so much better than, “You’ve been such a witch to me.” No, he’s never said that. But, Lord, don’t let me be the kind of woman that makes him think it.
I also have an eternity-long Valentine who reigns in the Heavens. He is breathtakingly handsome and will spend more on a date than any man alive. Daddy’s riches. I pray this day that you will thoroughly savor your Valentine, whether he is flesh and blood in all his wonderful imperfections in front of your eyes, or veiled from sight in such gleaming perfections that you couldn’t live through a glance of Him if He showed up at your table. You are your Beloved’s and His desire is toward you. Song of Songs 7:10. If you don’t have a romantic interest in your life this year, let Jesus woo you today. Read what He’s like in Psalm 45. Take a long walk with him. Or go get yourself some flowers from Him. I dare you to. That’s His money in your pocket. Journal a long time to Him and tell Him your hopes and dreams. He’s more vividly real than anything you can touch with your fingertips or see with your eyes, Beloved One.
Jesus, woo her this day. Make her feel so tended to that she wonders how anyone else on earth could sense you today.
Happy Valentine’s Day, my dear sisters.
Here’s what I thought would be fun today. As your comment, tell a brief account of your most memorable Valentine whether it was something sweet, hilarious, or infuriating. I can’t wait to read them. I love you and think you are such a blast.
PS – This is Amanda. I just showed my mom this picture and she demanded that I post it here immediately. Here are my two February Valentines.
“He never did get that outdoor girl he wanted and I never got that church boy.” That is my relationship EXACTLY. When I start agonizing over our differences, the Lord will gently remind me that it was those differences that made me run into His arms. I so love to read 1 Cor 13 often as a reminder of what love is.
Oh, you got me. You spoke about spending money like it is your Dad’s. My word, it hit me like a rock…that is exactly what I do. I grew up in all kinds of dysfunction, no boundaries and such. I use to take the money out of my dad’s pocket while his pants hung on the hook in the bathroom. Sometimes there would be a couple grand in there (he was not an honest man and all that implies.)and I knew he would not miss it. I almost never got caught either. Never saw it as stealing, after all, he got it by ill-be-gotten means, so what was the big deal? But it was a big deal! I still treat money as no big deal. There will always be more, you just grab some out of the pocket. Thing is, there is no more pocket. I don’t steal money, I just spend my dad’s…borrow money that I know I can’t pay back (think credit cards)…oh, my word! This is my Father’s money that I have been spending. I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone but me and my Abba, but it all just makes me weep. I’ve always known that everything I have is His. I just was never able to get out of the bondage of financial stress. I never made the connection before…I must sound like a babbling fool! Praise Him for opening my eyes this day after Valentines day. This is a gift that goes way deeper then my late earthly dad’s pockets ever did.
Sorry this isn’t very Valentines-ish…but oh how healing of my heart it is!
I am gonna go into my prayer closet (think the shower!) and have a good cry with my Abba!
Love,
Mair
Good Morning Beth!!!
I just wanted to share with you that you have impacted my life in so manys ways….there just isn’t enough time to tell you. BUT, once again you have been used by God to speak to me. You see, I wanted so much to have a “church boy” also. Thanks for sharing your life with us…GOD BLESS YOU!!!!
BIG HUGS TO YOU,
Teresa
Livingston, TN
Hi Beth!
Check out my blog entry, “Dear Beth Moore…” http://maples-oneboy-onegirl.blogspot.com/ (2nd entry down…)
My sweet Biblestudy girls wanted to share with you. Happy Valentine’s Day!
21 years ago, I married the man who led me to The Man on Valentine’s Day. My “birthday” was Valentine’s Day 1987, and my wedding day was Valentine’s Day, 1988. It fell on a Sunday and we were united as man and wife during the worship service in a little church in Ottumwa, Iowa. I’ll never forget the way John looked at me when he first saw me in white satin, and I look forward to the day when I will behold my Savior as I’m dressed in white linen. What a love story!
My most memorable Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to do with my husband (of 37 years) but of an event. 12 years ago this Valentine’s Day I was in surgery with stage 3 cancer, having a bi-lateral mastectomy. I knew I wouldn’t probably see my surgeon (or I’d be too groggy) to wish him a Happy Valentine’s Day so I had my husband use a red sharpie and draw a little heart on one of the breasts to be removed. Later I told him I was sorry hadn’t gotten to see him before the surgery started and he replied, “Oh, yes you did, you were talking up a storm!” I was too afraid to ask him what I was saying, I can only imagine! Needless to say, after 12 years of God’s healing grace I am still here to enjoy Valentine’s with my wonderful husband, four children and four grandchildren. God is good!
What a post!!!!!!!! First, love that picture…..some “special” valentines!!!!
Second, I was trying to think of a “memorable” Valentine’s Day….can’t think of one. But….this one should go in the book to remember…..my special guy, my husband, slept on the couch all day yesterday….not feeling well at all. No flu, just a very bad cold. He certainly was out of it……And if you think Mama Beth that you have a “spike”, you should have seen his hair….he needs a hair cut, has curly hair and it was allllll messed up. All I could do was smile at one point and think, “he’s all mine”. Sleeping, moaning, coughing, messed up……
Hope everyone had a special valentine’s Day!!
Blessings,
Bible Bunny in No MI……
It’s snowing again and the temp is in the 20’s. Of course that’s a heat wave compared to last month….
I appreciated what you have to say,Beth, but can’t ever imagine having what you and Keith have. I am trapped in a mediocre marriage. I’ve tried. He won’t go to counseling. He’s selfish. I’ve prayed and prayed and changed myself. I can’t say how I feel to him anymore. He just claims it makes him feel more inadequate. I know God can change things, but I’m losing hope that He ever will. Man has free will and He can’t force my husband to be different. I feel so empty today and hopeless today.
On Valentine’s Day 1989, I broke up with a boyfriend. On the 20th anniversary of that breakup, I am married to that same guy, and expecting our second child! I told him yesterday morning, “happy 20th anniversary of breaking up with me, I forgive you!.”
Beth,
This is my second post but I just had to tell you about the Valentine card that was waiting on my pillow last night as I crawled into bed. I guess this is the most memorable. My husband is good to remember special days but it may be almost midnight before he delivers the card, present, etc. Anyway, I sat in bed, opened my card and inside was a poem that read as follows:
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Your lips are like Rubies,
And your Slanket is too!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
(Included was a computerized picture of a ruby slanket) Ha!
My slanket is to be delivered UPS on Monday. He was tracking it to Atlanta, but it only made it to Doraville (nearby city). I just about fell off the bed laughing. But seriously, I can hardly wait to get it. Do you know the reading and Bible studying I can do with this thing. I’ve always been cold natured and can hardly wait to warm up with it. I know my tenth grade daughter will be sneaking it away from me as she is quite the reader herself. We’ve had a great laugh … my husband the poet … NOT … but I’m so proud to be the owner soon of a ruby-colored slanket.
Love to you and your precious family. Your fellow slanketer!!
I loved the part where you talked about how hard marriage can be and then you had that sweet moment with your precious grandchildren.
Family. It’s what it’s about. Starting with our heavenly Father and then on to our families.
My mom and dad divorced after 20 years and even though it’s been almost 19 years since then my heart still grieves. I grieve about those beautiful shared moments together with my children or my sisters kids they are missing out on together. They have both remarried~thankfully really nice, loving people and in that way I couldn’t be more blessed but it’s the work, struggle and final ability to look back at a long life together and sit back and enjoy what you two made and the family that was produced because the two of you came together. That’s what I want out of my marriage. It’s nearly 14 years strong and though it hasn’t been easy it want those moments together with my man and our grandchildren!
What a precious picture of those children! I could eat them up and they aren’t even my children/grandchildren!
Valentine’s Day has always been a very special day to me. Because it was special to my daddy – he LOVED pampering “his girls”. (My mom, sister and I) He would give us roses and a box of Russell Stover, uniquely special to each of us. For 30 years he kept up the tradition until his early death. Now I send out Valentines to all of my loved ones. It’s my way to celebrating the day.
Wow…what great words. i know i am a day late, but just read this post. i sent the link to some married and some single friends…with the comment that “the very one who sweeps us off our feet may also be the one who knocks them out from under us from time to time.” Praise the Lord for seeing us all through those times and for making a love relationship REAL through the power of HIS unconditional love!
Feburary 14, 2000, was my first date with my now husband of almost 5 years. Yesterday, was our ninth Valentine’s day together. This one was very different because we had a 4 month old baby girl with us. I kept thinking how much things have changed these last nine years and I just see God’s hand on us the entire way. We are so blessed!
I always love it when you talk about your relationship with Keith. My hubby and I have quite the dysfunctional history ourselves.. and only Christ Jesus Himself could utterly and completely change and redeem our stubborn hearts and lives!!!
Beth, I also wanted to mention that I recognize your new memory verse from Breaking Free. I was just reviewing Week 10: The Display of His Splendor (GLORY!!!).. and God gave me Isaiah 61:3 as a LIFE VERSE for our family. So that will be my memory verse that I’ll be posting. I cannot tell you how thoroughly excited I am about what God can do with a life, and with a family! I’m literally crying over it… it is ONLY HIM for sure. Thank you for sharing your heart with ours… and look at those precious, little VALENTINES!!!
Loving Him and loving others through Him ~
Linda
Oh, Miss Beth — I have been dying to tell someone about this, and here you have given me the perfect opportunity! So like the Father… I am 34, never married and only dated one person ever before. Valentine’s Day has always been a little hard. This year, this very week, has been the most amazing. I got flowers on Tuesday. From an anonymous sender who said only, “You are loved.” And at the same time as my brain was in a frenzy trying to think of who on earth would send them, a still voice in my heart said, “Does it matter? I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Oh, I can’t even describe to you the feeling I had that day, and it has continued until now! He blows my mind. I love him so!
I have to say 2009 has actually been the best year so far in my 13 year “love affair” with my husband. We spent 3 years trying to figure each other out, then added a new baby to the mix and things just about spun out of control. We have spent the last 10 years raising two boys (now 8 and 4) and dealing with all of our life interruptions. I would say that the movie “Fireproof” had a profound impact on us. Two christians trying to make marriage work is hard but the one difference in our communication is that no matter what we went through we would not give up. This year my husband saw his part and has started to pick up the slack….He has began to do the “love dare” and is like a new man. On Friday he began my 2009 Valentine’s by hiding special cards for me all day long. I think he bought a total of 6 cards for me. In each card he wrote me a sweet note. At the end of the day he presented me with three special gifts. I would say this is the best year yet because of his ability to show his love to me.
Tonya in PC, FL
I think this year might have been my fvaorite V’day…and ironically there was nothing romantic about it…it was just happy. My baby ate her first pancake, my “big girl” went on her first waterslide at our local rec center. It was precious. I guess this is just one of those years where my husband and I love on out girls instead of focussing on each other..and it’s so uniting to love on them together!
I’m 41 and have never been married, but I’ve had lots of fun and memorable Valentine’s. One that sticks out in my memory is this… Many years ago I had a great group of single, Christian friends who I hung out with (most are married now). One Valentine’s three of my good guy friends and I hung out eating, watching a movie, cutting up and having fun. Afterwards I came home, took off my makeup, got in my pjs and was going to relax a bit before going to bed (I had to work the next day). Then I get a phone call from one of the guys saying they needed to come over for a minute (made up some story). I told them NO..how in the world could I let them see me with no makeup! 😉 They wouldn’t take no for an answer and hung up. I was irritated a little bit. Well…here comes these 3 manly guys into my apartment with 3red roses and the sweetest and funniest card for ME! They each had written something in it. I was totally shocked and SOOOO touched and will never forget that. I still have the card, and we still talk from time to time. 🙂
Loved your sharing about you and your man. And love that pic of Jackson and little sis! Jackson has the BEST smile..it just lights up his whole face!
Love u! 🙂
What a hoot your story was.
I think my most memorable Valentine was just a few years ago. We don’t spend much (if anything) on Valentine’s gifts, but I wanted to give my husband something I created. I’m NOT a crafty person so this was a challenge.
His grandpa had died a couple of years before (at the age of 96)and my husband would sometimes mention how much it hurt not to have something to remember him by. They were very close. I decided to make some calls and within a couple of weeks I managed to have his grandpa’s old watch and an old tobacco can (his grandpa smoked a pipe…always had one resting on his lips). Although it sounds kind of yucky, his days of stuffing a pipe full of tobacco were something everyone remembered about him. I put the watch, tobacco can and a few pictures in a memory frame. When my kids saw it my daughter said, “I think it’s gonna make him cry.” I gave it to him at dinner on Valentine’s Day. He welled up with tears as he looked at it and before he could even say anything, my daughter looked at me and whispered, “See, I told you you’d make him cry.”
2009 Valentine’s Day will be memorable since it was the first date in the two years we have been separated from a 10 year full of memories relationship before that and with God’s help there will be many more dates to come. I prepared his favorite meal of prime rib, mashed potatoes, stuffed mushrooms, etc and he invited me to eat with him and then we went to a hockey game rooting for our favorite team, complete with cow bell in hand to make lots of noise. then we stayed up into the wee hours talking.
I have been reading through alot of the post here hoping upon hope that a valentine memory would come trying to let it be a true memory and not something I embellished in the telling ( I am good at that).
We are married 33 years come April and I know we have had at least that many Valentines days together (neither of us checked out for any of them). But to have one rise to the surface hasn’t happened.
I think that is partly because we don’t go into it in a big way and much as I would love to have Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, I react in a negative way to it, so boxes of Chocolate are out. He squirms with Chick Flicks to the point the poor man is uncomfortable. So I become uncomfortable for his discomfort.
Inspite of that I have to say:
My kind husband tries to woo me regularly. Kind of like my heavenly father; if I would open my eyes to see it, it is there waiting to be discovered.
We go out regularly for coffee dates as well as dinner dates, he holds me when that is all I can cope with, he rubs my back and neck if I look miserable and stiff. He cleans up in the house whenever things get beyond my normal level of daily living; he always opens the car door for me and holds me arm as we navigate icey paths together. He lets me spend or not spend what I want or need, he smiles at my silliness, and comes home whether I am in a good mood or a bad mood everynight.
He is my right arm and perfect for me in so many ways. Common interests are few, he and I could not be more opposite if we set out to be. But He loves me all the time no matter what. I love him in the easy days and the not so easy days. I look forward to seeing his truck turn into the driveway at supper hour when we are both in from the days work. He cradles our grandchildren as tenderly as he cradled our children, and yes me when all I could do was cry at times.
He is a man of very few words, I hate it when I am so busy I miss the ones he speaks, because they are usually worth stopping and hearing. He doesn’t fill the air with anger or nonsense; his language is always clean and pure. He loves God deeply, he is wise and wonderful, he could have written many of the books I devour to “improve” my understanding of God’s words; it never fails I ask him out of the blue “What do you think __________meant with that when it was recorded all thouse thousands of years ago?” Give him a minute or two and he usually says in a quiet deep voice the answer I find later that night in a study help note in the study bible.
He isn’t a splashy dresser, mother nature has been kind to him as he ages, gravity has had no effect on any part of his body, He is as straight and toned as he was 35 years ago when we met. (I on the other hand am somewhat more cushioned and curvier than back in 1974). His bright blue eyes still twinkle just at the right time and his smile is slow to show up but splits his face when it does. He can still make me laugh and cry, he can still frustrate me and yet make be feel I am the most special lady this side of heaven.
So one special memory sorry it didn’t happen but it gave me a chance to remind myself of why I married him and How God in all His wisdom knew that this was the perfect partner for me.
Hope the days celebrations to the same for all of you wonderful women of God.
I have been reading through alot of the post here hoping upon hope that a valentine memory would come trying to let it be a true memory and not something I embellished in the telling ( I am good at that).
We are married 33 years come April and I know we have had at least that many Valentines days together (neither of us checked out for any of them). But to have one rise to the surface hasn’t happened.
I think that is partly because we don’t go into it in a big way and much as I would love to have Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, I react in a negative way to it, so boxes of Chocolate are out. He squirms with Chick Flicks to the point the poor man is uncomfortable. So I become uncomfortable for his discomfort.
Inspite of that I have to say:
My kind husband tries to woo me regularly. Kind of like my heavenly father; if I would open my eyes to see it, it is there waiting to be discovered.
We go out regularly for coffee dates as well as dinner dates, he holds me when that is all I can cope with, he rubs my back and neck if I look miserable and stiff. He cleans up in the house whenever things get beyond my normal level of daily living; he always opens the car door for me and holds me arm as we navigate icey paths together. He lets me spend or not spend what I want or need, he smiles at my silliness, and comes home whether I am in a good mood or a bad mood everynight.
He is my right arm and perfect for me in so many ways. Common interests are few, he and I could not be more opposite if we set out to be. But He loves me all the time no matter what. I love him in the easy days and the not so easy days. I look forward to seeing his truck turn into the driveway at supper hour when we are both in from the days work. He cradles our grandchildren as tenderly as he cradled our children, and yes me when all I could do was cry at times.
He is a man of very few words, I hate it when I am so busy I miss the ones he speaks, because they are usually worth stopping and hearing. He doesn’t fill the air with anger or nonsense; his language is always clean and pure. He loves God deeply, he is wise and wonderful, he could have written many of the books I devour to “improve” my understanding of God’s words; it never fails I ask him out of the blue “What do you think __________meant with that when it was recorded all thouse thousands of years ago?” Give him a minute or two and he usually says in a quiet deep voice the answer I find later that night in a study help note in the study bible.
He isn’t a splashy dresser, mother nature has been kind to him as he ages, gravity has had no effect on any part of his body, He is as straight and toned as he was 35 years ago when we met. (I on the other hand am somewhat more cushioned and curvier than back in 1974). His bright blue eyes still twinkle just at the right time and his smile is slow to show up but splits his face when it does. He can still make me laugh and cry, he can still frustrate me and yet make be feel I am the most special lady this side of heaven.
So one special memory sorry it didn’t happen but it gave me a chance to remind myself of why I married him and How God in all His wisdom knew that this was the perfect partner for me.
Hope the days celebrations to the same for all of you wonderful women of God.
Thank you so much for the reminder of choosing/willing to love my husband even when it seems like I can’t. A little background: my husband and I have been married for 7 years our oldest child is 4 and our fourth bundle of joy is expected in 2 weeks. He is a youth minister and also works a full time job and I am a stay at home mom.
We attempted a date last night for valentine’s day (we get out about once every 6 months). I say attempted b/c while we caught up with each other’s lives sitting in the mini van in the parking lot I ended up in tears and asked to go home. I don’t want to get into details but the conversation included my husband confessing some sin and I was hurt.
This morning I decided to stay home from church “to get some rest”. I remembered I had recently found the LPM Blog and looked at your website hoping for something to encourage me. As I read your Valentine’s day entry I started to cry again. I realized I could be used by God to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem and show my husband mercy today. I threw on some clothes and makeup and met him as sunday school let out. This simple gesture to him softened him and has opened the door for us to forgive and move on. Thank you for your encouraging work.
The first 18 months of our marriage we lived in San Antonio Texas, was a looong way from home in Missouri for 2 very young adults. Fast forward 20 years and 3 sons later to Valentine’s Day 2006. I was at work and the florist delivered the most beautiful bouquet of yellow roses but the card was the best part. My hubby had written to his “yellow rose of texas” I STILL DO and will forever. WOW did I love him that day !
I can’t recount a story like you Ms. Beth; and I’m catching up on all the posts I missed over the weekend b/c we moved into our first home. So I’ll say this is my best Valentine year. As I type, my hard-working-Pastor-husband is napping from a long morning, and my 10month old son who is supposed to be napping is babbling away to himself and his jungle friends on his bumper pad in the crib; and I’m in our bonus room…a room I’m lucky to have. Just as we closed on the house, God blessed my husband with a salary increase. Since I’m not brining in any income right now, as I worry about meeting our needs, I can feel God’s blessings on us and I know that I know He loves me and always will.
Beth..I had absolutely no intention of posting on this one yet again and I hope that I am not over-stepping my bounds as I want to give some encouragement to the Anonymous Siesta who is seriously struggling with her marriage. If you do not post this one, I totally understand. I have come to care about the women on this blog, the ones with or without faces as just true sisters in Christ and I laugh and cry with all of them. I get so much encouragement from them.
I just want to say to the anonymous siesta that posted near the end of the second page to hang in there. I do not say these words lightly b/c I know how hard it is to hang in there. I am not saying it from a happy perfect marriage. We have a blended family and according to statistics should be divorced, but not according to God. I don’t know all the circumstances, but I would say to her to take care of herself through God and don’t give up. Believe me, my husband does not do devotionals (he calls them self-help books), he is definitely not doing “The Love Dare,” although the movie hit very very close to home (aside from the fact that I would probably drop over before I flirt with another man-why do that to myself? and he is not doing any love dare or praying for this marriage). We tried joint Christian counseling at a very good, godly place, but guess what? He quit. You know what, I switched counselors and I see a lady now and she is helping me cope. I did not quit. I did not nag him for quitting, although it hurt so bad. I felt that he did not care enough about our marriage, especially since he puts effort into other things and church things at that. But, it is not for me to convict him. He does have a free-will and it does no no good whatsoever to force a man to get counseling. Now, I don’t mean this if there is abuse involved. At that point, I would remove myself and force counseling. I could see after a few sessions that my husband’s heart was not in it and he had divulged all he was going to. I gave him the opportunity to get out and he took it. I was upset, but it was not worth the resentment that he was starting to harbor. It just made me realize even more how much I needed to depend on God.
I am so not qualified to give advice, I can only share what I have experienced and it touched me to see your post b/c I have been there this year. I have felt so hopeless and I am just now slowly pulling out of it. I have been giving it over to God, He has been showing me things. I read His word, which is the best encouragement.
Sweetie, just hang in there, take care of yourself. Sometimes, we get so far gone and distraught with our marriages and husbands that it is all we can do to say “God, give me the strength to pray for my marriage and God give me the strength to want this marriage to work b/c I am so tired.” I’ve done that a lot lately and GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE STRENGTH, A LITTLE EACH DAY, AS MUCH AS I NEED FOR THAT MOMENT. He will do the same for you.
I am not going to get into specifics, but just know that if you take care of yourself through God, keep praying, keep reading what He has to say, through His word, go to a Christian counselor (one that is very pro- marriage), Christian mentor, whoever you can trust…then God will reveal all the details to you. He will show you what to do. Hey, even without the counselor. God will provide you with the means to continue doing your part, regardless of your husband’s attitude. Don’t give in to a mediocre marriage and know that it takes time. I would NEVER get on here and say this if I had not been through this.
And you know, I have NEVER cared about V-Day. I’ve always thought it was silly, that is where I am like a guy. But, this year meant something b/c my husband has slowly turned a new leaf, had a change of heart after a loooong time of hard-heartedness and darkness. We are still very fragile and taking it one day at a time and trying to make that conscience effort. We had a little spat today after church b/c we did not agree on something. The bad attitudes and contempt were setting in and I just talked with him an hour ago and apologized for the way I treated him. Did he say he was sorry, no. He appreciated the effort I made and his attitude immediately changed. I don’t care though, it feels a lot better to be obedient and have God’s peace than to depend on my husband to give it to me. Ooo, I really hope that I did not overstep, I just want to encourage. Again, I don’t know the specifics and I know this is not the place for it. I just want you to know that I’ve just been where you are at and I am praying for you. Give your marriage completely over to God, every situation in it and the rest will fall in place. Regardless of what happens, our Lord Jesus will hold you up.
Moore girls– y’all are so my Valentines, along with all the other sweet sistas who post here. I thank y’all for laboring in the gospel of Jesus Christ with me. I never, ever come by here that my heart isn’t encouraged by my comrades in Christ. THANKS!
Hugs,
Shellie
My now husband arranged a dinner cruise and dinner for us the Saturday following Valentines Day. It was our first and I had long since grown cynical about this commercial, evil holiday that annually mocked me. I was excited for a new season after being married and divorce throughout the past 10 years.
We sat down to eat a fablous meal and notice the view as the captain points out various things for us to see. We are heading back to the dock and they announce one last event. A Raffle! I sighed, knowing I never win anything at these silly contests.
The third of the names are called and IT IS MINE!
I step to the front of the boat (a beatutiful yacht type thing) and am blindfolded for what is their greatet give away ever…or so they said.
They remove the blindfold and my man is down on one knee with a grin and a gorgeous grin.
I am pretty sure he asked,” Will you marry me…either way I screamed YES!”
The best day ever!
Beth, I have been married to my man for 20 years! He is still the love of my life even though the evil one has tried desperately to make sure it would go otherwise. We are determined to stay committed to each other and the love God gives us for each other. Understand when I say “the Love GOD GIVES us”… that’s the glue that keeps us together. We have renewed our covenant with one another several times on Valentine’s Day…did so again yesterday at a marriage conference with Jimmy and Karen Evans.
We should talk fish stories one day. My man is the “great white hunter”. There’s a story about a hook and lure in the top of ones head that you would laugh your head off when you heard it…hahahaha.
Isaac’s Mom
February is always such busy month that Valentines just ends up being another day. My birthday is Feb 11 so Feb 14 is I guess combined with it. My dear precious Grandmother (my Dad’s mother) was born Feb 14. She passed in Jan of 2003 so of course I thought of her and realize how much I miss her. Also I have a sister and brother with birthdays in Feb. Jan has lots of birthdays to celebrate also. My husband my second son and my daughter. So between Christmas and birthdays there usually isn’t any money left for Valentines. I would say the most romatic February was in 1981 when my man asked me to marry him. So many years ago. I pray that God will help me show my husband that everyday is a Valentine’s Day.
My very first Valentine card from my (now) Hubby read on the front of the card To My Favorite NIECE. Niece! I promptly called him at work to let him have it! He let me have it back! Three months later, we were hitched. We’ve both learned to be careful about letting each other ‘have it’. And we’re celebrating our 20th Valentine’s Day together this year.
The godliest man I’ve ever met finally won my heart in November of 2002. A few months later on Valentine’s day, I received a pack of 2 Reece’s cups taped to an index card in that said, “I’ve never had a girlfriend before, and my dad never bought my mom anything for Valentine’s day while I was growing up, so I hope this is an alright gift. You’re awesome, baby!”
That sealed it! We were married in ’04, and are serving the Lord and spanking two little children together. He’s the love of my dreams!
-Lacey
I just want to thank my fellow “Anonymous” sister in Christ for your encouragement. Your sweet, heartfelt post meant so much to me.
I am seeing a Christian counselor on my own, which has been helpful. She echoes your thoughts about taking care of myself and giving my marriage to God.
It’s so hard not to get discouraged. It’s been 17 years. There’s been no adultery, just a lack of emotional and spiritual intimacy that’s characterized our marriage. I feel so alone much of the time.
It’s comforting to hear your story and it was an encouragement to know someone relates to my struggle. Thank you so much! God Bless You! 🙂
Once, there was a little boy who grow up in a small Kansas town without much money. He had rarely been out-of-state and had never been out of the country, but he knew the he wanted to propose to his wife in Paris.
In a different town, there was a little who grew up with a family that moved every four years or so. She had lived in many different places around the US, and spent a year in Europe with her family. On a school trip to Paris she fell in love with Notre Dame cathedral and the city of Paris.
Flash forward a few years, and this boy and girl met in college … they lost touch … but they never forgot each other … God put them together again … and one day, that boy asked the girl where her favorite place in the world was, and she told him Notre Dame.
A few years ago, my husband flew me to Paris and proposed in the courtyard of Notre Dame the day before Valentine’s Day (he couldn’t wait the extra day, thank goodness!). It wasn’t so much the place, although how romantic, or the grand gesture, even though it was quite grand, but the thought that he put into it and how the pieces all fit so perfectly. Not only do I have a thoughtful husband who I love dearly, but a God who creates all the pieces so that they can fit together perfectly to give glory to Him.
Beth… you are such an inspiration and a joy… Thank you for sharing your life with us.
This one falls under the "infuriating" category, but you can cross-reference it with "scary"…
My most memorable Valentine's Day is so – for all the wrong reasons.
When I was 22, I met who I thought was a very charming, responsible – and great looking guy. He worked for another company that consulted with ours on a project. After the project was over, he asked me out. After several rain checks, our "first date" landed on – you guessed it – Valentine's Day.
I even tried to push for another rain check, just so there was no undue pressure for romantic gestures due to the day, but he insisted. He said we'd keep it simple, with dinner & a movie. He wanted to cook dinner – and I am a sucker for a man that can cook, so we met at his place.
His two female neighbors had strewn perhaps, an entire garden's worth of rose petals all over the apartment, to help him out. So much for "no pressure romantically"…
That was quickly nipped in the bud, though, with the disturbing choice of movie that he threw on.
How in the world, this seemingly normal guy had the idea that showing "American Psycho" on a first date – on Valentine's – would be okay or NOT be a date killer…
(sorry. this story is so ridiculous, I can't avoid the puns.)
…I'll never know, because I didn't stick around to find out.
After I asked him to turn off the movie, he seemed upset. After having seen one of the first scenes, I was more than a little disturbed. Suddenly, I felt queasy about the whole thing, and left in a hurry – with a firm stance on no new dates on V-day – ever again.
You think Joseph ran fast? I could have hurdled him, and left him in the dust.
Fast forward 10 years, and I'm married to a wonderful man with an adamant stance on not celebrating Valentine's. He says he's not romantic. That's fine with me. He shows me he loves me every day of the year, so I don't expect a grand gesture to reaffirm it. I think I'm cured of the all-out V-day celebration thing, anyway.
The first Valentine I received from a boy other than my Dad was from my first boyfriend, who I have been happily married to for 12 years now. He wrote me a poem and mounted it on a piece of wood, which hangs on our bedroom wall today. In my own critical way, I proceeded to point out all the typos that he made. I have managed to tame my critical spirit somewhat since that Valentine’s Day 17 years ago. Not one of my prouder moments. Fortunately, he doesn’t remember it that way. Thank you Lord.
My husband is always the practical joker and has never even thought about roses for Valentine’s Day in all our 18 years, except once and he probably never will again!
He asked one year if I would like roses for Valentine’s Day. I told him “no” because since he had asked first, then it would not be the surprise it was supposed to be.
I have an office upstairs in our house. On Valentine’s Day, as I looked out my office window, there he came with a donzen long-stemed red roses. I thanked him for them and asked why he had gone ahead, especially since I am the budget queen and would never think of spending so much on flowers. He said because he loved me…..oh, so sweet. I proudly put the roses on our dining room table for all to see.
To my surprise, the VERY NEXT MORNING the roses were wilted and the pedals were falling off!!! I told him that he needed to take those roses back to whomever he had purchased them from because he needed to get his money back.
He looked at me with such a serious, straight face and said, “I can’t take them back. I guess that is what I get for stealing them out of the graveyard!” I could not believe it! I asked why he did it and he told me that he knew I would not want him to spend the money. Needless to say, I was furious!!
He let me rant and rave forever and then calmly told me that he really could not take them back because he had bought them from a guy selling them on the side of the road on the way home and had only paid $10.00 for them because he knew I would not want him to spend so much money!
It was a very memorable Valentine’s Day to say the least!
I left a comment earlier recounting one of the more hilarious events of my life, my most memorable Valentine’s Day, but I just now realized I failed to mention something eternally significant about that particular Valentine’s Day…it was the very next day that I met the ultimate Lover, the Lord Jesus Christ. We have been dancing together now for 23 years today.
My husband is a firefighter and if you are familiar with most of their work schedules you’ll know that they usually work 24 hours on and 48 hours off. It just so happened that my husband had to work Valentines day this year so that put me home by myself. I got really tickled when a friend of mine called me last night and asked me what my big plans were for Valentines dinner were to which I replied…
“I just sat down in front of my computer with a hot bowl of Beefaroni, some chips and dip, and a big tall glass of sweet tea!” =^)
I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentines! God Bless!
My children stole my heart from the very beginning, so much so that I now home school. Living on one salary has been difficult and my children, my husband and I give up material possessions to make this work. We have all the necessities but luxuries are few and far between. My children have learned the value of a dollar and how to save. This Valentine’s Day, just yesterday – my 14 year old daughter and 10 year old son gave me an ipod that they paid for! I love music and they wanted to thank me for “always being with them” and for teaching them. Their generosity and thoughtfulness are worth more to me than 10,000 ipods. We had dinner at home and then went to a star party at a local nature museum and had a blast. It was the best Valentine’s Day I have ever had!
Thank you for remembering those of us who the Lord has called to singleness – whether for now or forever. At 45 (in 5 days) and never married, no kids, this is a tough one this year. Thank you, also, for encouraging us to remember that even though we don’t get treated special by a man, we are dearly loved.
Romantic for sure! My husband of 5 years proposed to me with roses outside of my college-dorm window on a very snowy Valentines morning! Praise the Lord, we are happily married with 2 precious baby girls!
I have so enjoyed reading all these sweet comments. I am just sitting here on my couch laughing and crying.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Romance……..~By Linda Hogeland…. Feb.2009
(This poem came to me as I thought about Valentine’s Day and how people long for romance. Everyone can have true love and never be lonely again if they will simply surrender to the Masters call and give their hearts to Him)
I’ve felt the music in my heart
My feet have done the dance
My life’s been taken to extremes
As I have found romance
Nothing has remained the same
Everything is new
The sunlight has a brighter sheen
The grass now glistens with the dew
The air feels fresher as I breathe
The rose has fragrance sweet and rare
My senses now feel sharp and keen
My heart has been made free from care
I once was broken and cast down
My face was so forlorn
My hopes were dashed, my dreams had died
My faith from me was torn
But now my soul sings happy tunes
As down the path I trod
Romance has been a gift to me
And brought me close to God
Who knows me better than the one
That wooed me with his love?
He laid his life down for my sake
And gave me new life through his blood
I first resisted his sweet call
And wrestled with my fears
But he romanced me with his love
And I accepted through my tears
And soon he’ll whisk me far away
To mansions in the sky
I will his bride forever be
And never leave his side
Romance may seem a silly word ….
But I can tell you true
This same romance can change your life
And make you feel brand new!
My manly man would have a ball with your Keith. Anything that has to do with hunting God’s creation he is all about. Needless to say, opposites attract.
BUT, he is the most romantic, evah. My friends are always shocked to hear how creative and sentimental my guy can be. He makes every Valentines day beautiful. (He always totally outdoes me!)
Bethie,
Thank you for the beautiful description of our eternal Valentine. Like a breath of fresh air!
Every Valentine’s day is my favorite because my husband always writes me something wonderful.
This year it was this.
http://www.tablegrace.net/?p=885
I’ve been out of town with the kids in Dallas this weekend and just talked to my man about what he did this weekend. Even across the miles, he spoke my love language and did every single laundry pile in the house and went to a couple’s baby shower today-solo! Oh, PTL!!! And every bit of what you wrote just makes me want to love him all the more!
Love, Amy in OK
Anonymous Siesta,
I did not mean to post anonymously, I just felt your heartache and wanted to write back quick. Believe me when I tell you, you are far from the only one going through this, it is rampant. Satan really loves to attack marriages, because when he wins in ending a marriage, the effects can and do last for generations. I feel that aside from our youth, he is attacking marriage so fervently now and boy, does he have the resources to do it with all the stuff out there today. I’m in no way downing anyone who has had a divorce. I am a child of divorce and I love my parents and stepmom so much. My husband and his first wife divorced and now his son from that marriage is reeling(he is a teen now and the effects of this divorce that happened thirteen years ago is really getting him down and angry). My husband will always have the scar from being divorced. I completely understand where he is coming from. I’m glad to hear that you do have people. Again, hang in there. It’s seriously tough, but I’ve been in that courtroom, about to get divorced and God did an amazing work in me and my husband. It is not a fun place to be, it was hell on earth. Divorce looks good when you are hurt and sick and tired, but in the end, it’s better to work it out. I never thought we would take our marriage for granted after that, but we got in a mess after a year 1/2 of him traveling and me doing other things. We have not tended to our marriage and it caused a much bigger mess than I could have imagined. Most importantly, both of us slowly (slow fade) got away from Jesus, big mistake. We were both miserable. We have had tough times, but as I stated earlier, one of us was always strong in the Lord. This was a very scary place to be, both of us got away from Him. I kick myself for not being faithful, because I KNOW BETTER. I have been delivered from addiction, for crying out loud! Let me tell you, I’ve been on the ball now. I do not want to go back there and this was enough to scare the living daylights out of me. I am certain that God is working, even if you can’t see it right now.
I praise God for holding my marriage together and I have faith that it will continue to grow so long as we keep Him as the foundation. If we don’t, our marriage would end for sure. Also, I thank God for our youth. I see so much coming from them, they are strong warriors. I think they show our generation up all the time, much to my pure delight. Satan wants us to believe that our marriages and our youth are hopeless, not so. We can’t let him fool us! Some of the most passionate, faithful Christians I know are in the youth groups and some of the most powerful testimonies I’ve heard are in the marriage department. There is a reason Satan attacks!
BTW, you are very welcome…this has helped me too.
Your Sister in Christ,
Barbara Shrewsbury, Katy-TX
Bethmoore,
Just catching up on blogs from the weekend, and had to add to the Valentine blog. Over our years together my precious husband has surprised me with how romantic he could be! But this year has been different – my wonderful, loving spouse has Stage 4 cancer, which we found out four days before our 30th anniversary in November. He has been going through chemo and radiation since December. He starts chemo again tomorrow, Monday, and we will return to MD Anderson the following Monday, Feb. 23rd for more scans and tests to find out how the treatments have been working. So last Wednesday he announced that since we had not celebrated our anniversary and he wanted to do something special for Valentine’s Day, would it be possible to get away for the weekend? Through the magic of the internet, in one afternoon flights were arranged, hotel room reserved, and broadway show tickets purchased! On Friday (the 13th) we flew to New York City to celebrate our overdue anniversary and Valentine’s Day! NYC is our favorite vacation spot – we saw the musical Wicked, watched the skaters at Rockefeller Center, ate cheesecake at a deli, and just walked alot and spent “non-medical” time together….precious moments…then flew back this evening into the reality of a new chemo treatment tomorrow. So while this Valentine’s Day will definitely be one that I will always cherish, I’m hoping for a quiet day next year with my cancer- free husband, celebrating 31 years together! By the way, last year he taught the Daniel study at our church and came with me to the event in Bossier City, Louisiana – talking four other guys into attending with their wives…they all loved it!