The Day I Became a Food Diva

Food makes us unique. Am I right or am I right?

Sometimes we hate it, sometimes we love it. Some of us live to eat (that would be me) and some of us eat to live (those would be those that view food as fuel for your body and that’s it). Our lives revolve around food and the table. It’s where community happens. To eat in front of somebody is an intimate thing, and not always so attractive, if I do say so myself. Food is so central to our living.

A couple years ago for some medical reasons my roommate was put on a yeast free diet. Let me put that into simple laymen terms: IT MEANS NO BREAD OR SUGAR. OR ANYTHING GOOD IN LIFE.  None. Zip. Nada. Not for you. To support her, we joined her in this adventure. We literally went through our refrigerator and pantry and gave away anything and everything with yeast in it to remove temptation. People thought we were crazy, and well, we did too. We went to the store and never made it out of the produce section except for a brief jaunt to the meat counter to pick up some grass-fed protein. One look into our shopping cart and we looked like three health nuts.

And it was nuts. And horrible in every way. Just imagine three girls living together while simultaneously not eating BREAD or SUGAR. Or anything good and noble. For a week, we were the three hangry (where hunger and anger collide) roommates. It’s a miracle we made it out still liking each other. I have sympathy for you that have to endure a gluten-free life or some other dietary restrictions for health reasons. I wish it were different for you in every way.

We made it one week before her doctor decided maybe she should take a different route because it was really, really, really hard . You may have heard the angels singing when I received a text one day saying the detox had officially ended. A big sigh of relief. Only problem was we still didn’t have any good food in our home. Lame.

We resumed our normal, mainly healthy eating with a bowl of ice cream and some thin mints thrown in every now and then. Life was good.

Fast forward three years to today. For 28 days I’ve put myself on a detox with a few of my coworkers that includes no caffeine, no dairy, no sugar, and no social life.

I’m kidding. But really.

The first three days I hated myself. My head felt like it was going to explode and all I wanted was an iced latte from Starbucks. (I’d be lying if I said I haven’t craved one every day since. But the cravings, well, they’re getting a little better.) While it’s not been near as rough as the yeast free torture, it’s still a lot of preparation and more often than not, while our co-workers head off to Mexican food for lunch, we stay back and eat our lettuce wraps. It’s all so appetizing, really.

Yesterday, however, we decided to join our coworkers at lunch. We discussed just eating a salad at said restaurant, but then decided it wouldn’t be worth it to pay $9 for one when we had all the supplies to make it ourselves and bring it along. So that’s exactly what we did. Seems legit, right?

That is until the table was served their food and simultaneously while Melissa had just asked me how it was going and I was feeling really positive about the entire 28 days, each of us pulled a paper plate (mine was particularly mangled) and a Ziploc baggie with our own hand tossed salad inside and dumped it on our ever so fancy paper plates IN A RESTAURANT.

Did you hear me? The three divas took a paper plate and a Ziploc baggie of salad and lost all of our dignity. And we died laughing while my face turned the color of a tomato. (Tomatoes, incidentally, were not allowed on this Phase.)

Food makes you do weird things, y’all. And sometimes instead of sharing our opinions on certain matters, or our circumstances that are getting us down, we just need to share the funny things in life. The random moments. The things that make us laugh until we cry.

Please tell me we’re not alone and that you’re weird too. I’m certain I’ll feel a little more sane.

Also, tomorrow is the 4th of July. I’m proud to be an American. And I’ll be proud to eat a hotdog. Or a hamburger. Or whatever food our country feasts on. And I won’t feel bad about it in the least.

Happy almost 4th of July, friends. I hope you celebrate with lots of cookies, chips, hotdogs, hamburgers, guacamole and maybe even a cake. Grin.

Share

29 Responses to “The Day I Became a Food Diva”

If you'd like your own pic by your comment, go to Gravatar.com. Click the first button "Get your gravatar today ->", and it will walk you through a simple process to select a picture.

Comments:

  1. 1
    Crystal says:

    any chance it was the Fast Metabolism Diet? i did it, too!

  2. 2
    Tilda says:

    Lindsee, you are brave, and funny!

  3. 3
    Diana A. says:

    Ah the 20’s … yup the years where we get caught up in fads… been there done that… cabbage diet, apple-cider diet, broth diet, and of course weight watchers.

    I do feel for you… hope you get the results you seek.

    Happy July 4th, we just celebrated July 1st – Canada’s Day! May your day be full of fun and freedom!!!

  4. 4
    Mary G says:

    Hi Lindsee,
    I had gastric bypass on June 2nd. I was on a liquid diet for two weeks before and two weeks after. An entire month! So yes I feel your pain somewhat. I then progressed to soft with lots of cottage cheese and yogurt and am finally on solid foods. The good news is I have lost 43 lbs so far and I’ve gone from three blood pressure meds to one. The bad news is I had no idea there were so many pizza commercials! Torture…It’s crazy feeling so full on so little, but a good thing too…Hope you have a great 4th! Blessings to you. Mary

  5. 5
    Kristi Walker says:

    We are fully vegan and, basically, unicorns down here in the South where fried chicken is a vegetable. We eat sugar, though. We try to keep it organic, but sometimes I have to have an Oreo. (they’re totally vegan, ya’ll!)

    I thought the transition from carnivore to herbivore would be tragic, but I was pleasantly surprised. We’re marinating some tofu and veggies for the grill tomorrow and adding some baked beans, salad, watermelon, strawberries and vegan ice cream (there is such a thing and it’s kind of fab!)as the side show. :)

    Happy 4th of July, everyone! May peace be the order of the day. Prayers for those who don’t have enough to eat and for those who have war surrounding them right now.

    Kristi

  6. 6
    Deborah Mott says:

    Is your 28 days ended? If not, will it be hard to stay “pure” when every one else is feasting! You could find yourself “hangry” (where hunger and anger collide)again! I love this new combo word of yours…it may just stick and people may start using it. Then you could be the originator of this new word. Fun. Reminds me of Paul with the GOD TAUGHT= “Theodidaktoi” that Beth just taught us In Children of the Day page 95

    Yes, I have been “WEIRD” when it comes to food. Recently try to eat Back to Garden foods…mostly organic and GMO free. But I am not a purist in this just think it is the most GOD CREATED and you really can’t get better than what GOD made! To bad I didn’t learn this sooner as I have been on CRAZY extreme diets in my lifetime…I needed to be GOD TAUGHT in the food department so I won’t be HANGRY! :-)

    Even though it is not the question you really asked about….thought I would end on a happy note: the topic of food and the fourth: Let’s face it Fourth of July food is the most like Fair food of all the holidays, in my opinion anyway. And Fair food can be the best and most enjoyed and maybe the worst for us? All the food for every holiday is great and delicious but the Fourth, to me, is a combo of picnic and fair food and is usually simple “American traditional made” and happy foods and the fireworks on the 4th are over the top! All good things to enjoy…do these foods fit in this category? SO many opinions on what is good and what is not. That is a problem (what is “acceptable/good and what is not” varies person to person) with food and then body image in America. Today was at my mom’s and she had a show on talking about how 50% of parents surveyed say they feel JUDGED by what they allow their children to eat. SO it seems Americans have strong opinions on food and what is and is not best. Food affects the body and mind and emotions and it affects our health in general and our self perceptions…There is SO much obesity in America and so much obsession over food in general! The show talked about the pressure on 8 year olds to be a certain weight and the sadness of this.

    I LONG FOR HEAVEN where all food will be GOOD and all happiness will be satisfied and we will all be so beautiful and acceptable and LOVED..>!!!! His Banqueting Table will be “out of this world” “heavenly” and His Banner over us LOVE!

    PS: Fourth of July…(It ranks just below Christmas and Resurrection Day as my favorite holidays. It is also my Salvation BD! I love that the Day we celebrate freedom as Americans I celebrate freedom spiritually: Reborn and New!) A foreTASTE of Heaven…taste and see that the LORD is GOOD…. and HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!

    Thanks, Lindsee….enjoyed this.

    • 6.1
      Lindsee says:

      Hi Deborah! The 28 days is not over, and fourth of July was tough. I may have given in a few times! Grin. But I did want to put out that I did not invent the word “Hangry”, it’s been around for a while, I just like to use it to explain my feelings every now and then. Laughing.

  7. 7
    katiegfromtennessee says:

    Lindsee, that is great, love the story:) I have to say that I have strived to eat to live, but more often than not, I have lived to eat. I have been there too. Here lately, my husband has been on a low carb diet. I have never been able to go completely without wheat containing foods. This is no exception. My husband eats at work or out for breakfast and lunch, so dinner is the only low carb meal I am in charge of most of the time. You would think it would be easy to go low carb for one meal a day, but it isn’t as easy as one would think:) Rice or bread or a cupcake inevitably ends up with my meal, but not his:) When I mess up though, I try to start again the next day, make better food choices. Considering my body as a temple, and myself as wanting to be a good steward of it helps. Wanting to be fully healthy helps. Sometimes though, it’s hard to pass up certain foods…Seriously, I think sugar is a strongly addictive food. It takes about three days to stop craving sugary foods when I decide not to eat sugar for awhile. Crazy stuff. I get you Lindsee girl:)

  8. 8
    Michelle Baylerian says:

    Oh my word Lindsee did you touch on a nerve!! For health reasons I went Gluten Free 5/13/13. If it weren’t for my younger daughter I never would have made it. Yes all the cleaning out of food EXCEPT at that point my husband & other daughter were not Gluten Free. Have had food sensitivity & this week food allergy testing. I made severely intolerant to CORN. It’s in everything. To keep this short, I’m still Gluten Free, but also no Corn, dairy, & very limited grains. I wish I could say all the health issues have resolved but they haven’t. It’s been a rough journey, BUT GOD!! The thing I’ve learned is never say you won’t do something because you have no idea what God is going to call you to do!!!
    Happy 4th of July to you as well :)

  9. 9
    Andrea S. says:

    Lindsee,
    Let me just say we were on the gluten free path, and I learned how to cook and bake gluten free, and we were reaching goals of healthy living with minimized medications….and then life happened and I was thrown off my routine and I feel miserable! We will be hitting the gluten free road on Monday after our company leaves and I’m not looking forward to the three days of pounding headaches from the detox, but I am looking forward to having food make me feel GOOD again!

    Happy 4th everyone! May we thank our Lord for how truly blessed we are to have our freedom!

    Blessings,
    Andrea

  10. 10
    Tami says:

    Welcome to my world!! I have celiac, so I eat gluten free all the time. It isn’t always a walk in the park, so thanks for helping me see some humor in it. ;)

  11. 11
    Mary Ann says:

    Just want to say Wow have you touched a nerve with this one. I grew up overeating at picnics and than being sick, have done the yeast free diet for a while. And struggle even with eating with people in my adult life. I have had people torment me over my eating habits and this is now my stronghold that God is trying to deliver me from. I just have to “let Him” have his way. Thanks for the post. I totally needed it. Happy 4th and lets all enjoy our Freedom.

    • 11.1
      Michelle Baylerian says:

      Mary Ann,
      When I saw the word “Stronghold” I had to reply to your comment. PLZ let God have His way & break down that stronghold!! I’m here to tell you that Hehas made me revisit my area a 2nd time and it is WAY harder. I had my breakthrough on June 20, 2014 while doing homework for Siesta Summmer Study of Children of the Day. A 4+ yr journey and it’s definitely not over. I hope I wasn’t too preachy but I’m so passionate about this area. Hold tight to His Hand, He will never let you go!!!

  12. 12
    Denise B says:

    Happy 4th ya’ll – yes, I am from the south with fried chicken, hot dogs with slaw and chilli and for the brave onions! However, I am gluten free, dairy free, sugar free and whatever else I could be free of! But I feel so good I can’t stand myself sometimes! God has used sickness in my life to get my attention, and I am fully focused on what He desires for me – to live healthy and well for His service and His glory! Do I hear an Amen? And I do not suffer from the lack of good food; I eat very well and enjoy every bite! Enjoy the holiday!

  13. 13
    Heather says:

    Aahhh…food. A painful (literally) topic for me due to chronic GI dysfunction. But thanks for suffering along voluntarily and bringing a smile to my face.

  14. 14
    Tara G. says:

    I feel your pain. I have to cook dairy/egg/soy/gluten free for a family member. While we eat pretty healthy because of that, I totally make it for myself and the others who can eat it, too! :)

  15. 15
    Cyndy says:

    low-carb/practically no-carb h-e-double-toothpicks here. A hamburger just isn’t a hamburger without a bun.

  16. 16
    Melanie V. says:

    Hi Lindsee! You are definitely not alone in this. Just a few years ago I had some great roommates, and we did all sorts of crazy things with food, from a meal planning program (which saved us money!) to eating differently all together (something called Whole 30). It was definitely different, but gave me some “food for thought” – pun intended – to think about when it comes to eating. But seriously, I came to enjoy it.
    Thanks for sharing! Blessings to you!

  17. 17
    Gretchen says:

    I have been following The Daniel Plan (by Rick Warren and Dr’s Amen and Hyman). It. Has. Changed. My. Life. There is a companion cookbook that is extraordinary also, although you don’t need it to follow the plan. Initially, it was a lot of work (not hard, just work), but six full months in and it is pretty much part of my life. Can’t recommend it highly enough if you’ve got food issues, or if you just want to be more healthy.

  18. 18
    Diginee says:

    That was SOOOO funny! Surprised that we did not see an article about you all in the Chronicle – bringing your own food to a restaurant! Hum . . . .

  19. 19
    Beth says:

    You are not alone! I love cooking and eating Ian’s trying new meals, but I am a vegetarian so like you have to get creative and carefu about meals. I try to eat plant based real foods ala Michael pollan. Hard to do. I definitely think everyone finds my eating habits weird. But I am convinced they are healthy and good for my families’ bodies. I have done weight watchers for four years with a break for my second pregnancy and am happy to be at goal for over a year. It is worth it to feel so good! But it can feel like the world revolves around food :) and junk food :)

  20. 20
    Kim Goetz says:

    Must be different in Texas…in my state you can not bring outside food into any restaurant…good for you for sticking to your guns…

    • 20.1
      Lindsee says:

      Truth be told, I don’t think we’d bring it into any restaurant, but this is one we know, love and have been eating at for a long time so they know us a little better. But it still makes me laugh.

  21. 21
    Sarah says:

    I think we are all weird. It’s just with friends there’s enough grace to be yourself.

  22. 22
    jami says:

    I started crossfit a year and a half ago and LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
    The owner had a nutrition talk with us and said eat real food with ingredients you know.
    Then he said if we wanted to lose a few pounds we need to cut back on sugar and by sugar he meant sugar, bread, rice, pasta and potatoes. I thought I’d try to eat all the yummy things I could think of, but leave sugar, bread, rice, pasta and potatoes out as much as possible. I wasn’t crazy overboard and had pizza every once in a while and I have sugar in my coffee, honey, dressings etc., In a month and a half I had lost between 10-15 pounds and didn’t feel deprived. It was amazing to discover that at 52 years old.
    Then I tried the “Whole 30″ diet to kick it up a notch. I’m not a strong enough Christian to ever attempt that insanity again. Way too restrictive for me.
    You definitely have to find something you can make a lifestyle for it to truly be effective.

  23. 23
    Patti Reavis says:

    Patti, Clemmons, NC
    How funny! What a scene! Food is the center of all our Bible studies. In the summer we always have everyone bring some kind of salad – any kind. We get the best things.
    Thanks for the laugh! How sporting of you all to support your friend. I love that!

  24. 24
    Emma Roey says:

    Amen! I think almost every woman in the world can relate to this! Thanks for the laugh.

Leave a Reply

To receive a daily digest of comments on this post, enter your email address below: