“For this is what the master, the LORD, the Holy One of Israel says: “If you repented and patiently waited for me, you would be delivered; if you calmly trusted in me you would find strength, but you are unwilling.” Isaiah 30:15
“How are you doing?” my sweet friend asked me a couple days ago. In that setting and at that moment I knew she was asking in a genuine, tell-me-how-you-really-are kind of way. Within two seconds my guard came down and I shared my heart with her.
I began to tell her that not too many days before that, I had shed some tears over all the emotions running through me and in that moment, though all I wanted to do was text or call my closest friends, instead, I talked everything out with Jesus and it was good. It was one of those moments that I knew turning to anything else but Him would have been worthless and nothing anyone would have said would have been helpful. It wasn’t a self-pity moment; it was an honest, this-is-where-I’m-at-Lord conversation that was passed its due date. Thankfully, our emotions don’t define our relationship with Christ, but they are a part of our relationship with Him.
Looking back, I think He just wanted me for Himself.
I confessed to her that for no good reason, I’ve apparently lost my ability to write anything the past few months. That the thought of writing a blog post is nearly daunting and the little blue “W” icon at the bottom of my computer stares blankly at me all day long. That every time I start clicking on the keyboard, I get a few paragraphs in and end up trashing the whole thing because it’s just not good, or helpful, for lack of a better word.
Looking back, I think He just wanted me for Himself.
I shared with her that for the first time ever in my life, as I’m discerning who I can trust with the secrets of my heart, I’ve kept my mouth shut. That somewhere along the way I’ve seemed to have lost all communication capabilities that include both small talk and deep talk and that’s a quandary for someone who is usually an open book.
Looking back, I think He just wanted me for Himself.
I admitted to her that it has been a disheartening season, somewhat lonely, and I don’t know how to communicate that to someone without sounding like a Debbie Downer, but it’s my reality. That sometimes (ahem, most times) in ministry you don’t have it all together but somewhere along the way I’ve believed the lie that people expect you to have it all together. When in reality, people relate to your messiness, not your perfection.
Looking back, I think He just wanted me for Himself.
In the middle of the conversation the word silent struck a chord and I realized that’s exactly the season I’ve been in. A quiet season. Me and Jesus. And you know what? That’s okay. While our temptation is to flee the seasons we loathe, sometimes even the ability to put vocabulary to our seasons helps us to be content while moving us a step forward.
In my own life, and maybe I’m not alone, I’m really good at multi-tasking. I can pour out my heart to both God and man and I enjoy doing both. But over and over again we’re told to pour out our hearts to God, for HE is our refuge, not man. Somewhere along the way I’ve adopted the idea that as I’m waiting on God, I feel that sharing my heart to others will fix it; that in striving for someone to just hear me, all will be well, but it’s in resting in the shadow of the Almighty, in quietly whispering to Him my innermost thoughts that He renews me. Often living in the shadow means that you’re out of sight; and in our flesh we equate out of sight with out of mind, but that’s a lie. Because you and I are safest in His shadow, in quietly waiting on Him, because sister, I can guarantee that you and I are never off of His mind.
Maybe our most profound seasons looking back will be the one’s where it was just you and Jesus, just me and Jesus, because those are the seasons He’s doing a new thing. Those are the intimate seasons no one can take from you. It’s those seasons that you couldn’t explain to someone if you tried. Though we may looked detached, we are more attached to our Creator than ever, and there is joy!
Like my friend shared with me that evening, “Sometimes if we’re seeking and asking the Lord to speak to us and He appears to be quiet, it may be because He just wants to be with us.”
And if I’m learning one thing right now, it’s learning to calmly trust Him.
Looking back I can see clearly now, He’s wanted me for Himself.
And it is well with me.
“I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62: 1-2, 5-8
Lindsee, thank you for being transparent with us, what you are going through, and drawing near to Him in it encourages me…your verse at the top of the post also reminded me of a song we sing at my church…I think it goes, “Find rest, my soul, in Christ alone. Know His power, in quietness and trust. When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with You above the storm. Father, You are King over the flood. I will be still, and know that You are God.”
Thanks my sisters, this is such a joy to ponder! What a sweet time of fellowship, even my birthday 7/24/52, so this post on 7/24/14 is quite a bonus God-Stop for my journal,!!! PRAISE THE LORD! also Psalm 62 on the day I turn 62 ! Wow! love&prayers xoxo cb
Your post hit me between the eyes! I attended Beth’s event a few weeks ago and have been searching for someone to just listen to me, to see me, to know I’m struggling and you know what? NOTHING!!! So I got angry. Hurt. Felt no one cared. Til now. You made me realize that God wants me for Himself. He wants me to run to Him! Even if I did have the chance to spill my guts to someone I really don’t think I could. Too much shame. Too prideful. But as Beth taught me – God knows. God cares. GOD SEES ME! And I am FOUND! I think He and I will be having some conversations soon 🙂
Thank you for sharing!!!
That was good. thanks 🙂
Thank you so much. I needed to hear this.
LIndsee, you are so precious. I love your words. I love your caring heart. I love that you have that special ability to express the very depth of your soul, and in turn, touch the lives of others. Your words spoke to me, as I too have been going through a season of “quietness and trust”. God is using you in mighty way my dear, as you share your gifts He has given you. Bless you my sister in Christ.
I think learning that He wants us to Himself is a treasure and sacred secret that can change us and have significant impact on our lives. Learning to calmly trust Him – that is a most valuable lesson that will take you through many circumstances down the road. Isn’t it awesome to have a Holy Almighty God choose to reveal these things to you?
I just wanted to say “thank you”! I haven’t understood this season that I am in. I haven’t understood why God will not answer. As I read your post, it was as if you gave voice to my own life, to my season, to all I have been feeling and experiencing, right down to the wanting to call someone but then not doing it. Sometimes I break down and call my most trusted Jesus-friend becuase I need someone to pray with me and remind me of what I know, but usually I just say to The Lord, “Lord….No one but You can do anything about it. No one but you can fix this, so it’s pointless to even talk to anyone but You.” Maybe you’re right….maybe He just wants me for Himself..and He knew I needed this today! Thank you for being brave enough to write it.
Oh how God spoke to me as I was reading this blog! He brought this verse( “I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62: 1-2, 5-8) to me a couple of years ago while praying for a difficult situation, I meditated on it over and over! Kept it on my heart! Waited patiently! God wanted me to Himself! 🙂 Presently Im going through a very tough time with my daughter and remembered this verse! and now you quoted it in your blog ! WOW God moment! Bless you!
Beautiful piece.
Amen, Lindsee. You took the words out of my mouth for my season although I can’t see as clearly as you can. Thank you for sharing what you’ve sensed God putting on your heart. Praying for you tonight.
Lindsee Love,
So grateful, sweet friend. Jesus used your words to remind me of the truth that He’s in relentless pursuit of his kiddos even when the circumstances don’t align with our version of best. He’s always at the helm and knows how he plans to use us for His glory and grants his children perfect Shalom.
Forever learning to trust in Him.
Sending a BIG virtual hug your way and rooting for you on the sidelines. Xx
-Claire
lindsee, that was so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. May you continue to rest in His still, loving embrace. Praying Christ continues to stir your heart allowing His gentle encouragement to flow through your capable hands. Praying for a heightened awareness of His voice for you today.
Lindsee,
LPM certainly listened to divine direction in hiring you. You are perfectly messy and I so appreciate your honesty about where you have been. Being 54, married to a non-believer, mentoring my three girls 20, 18 and 17 through their spiritual journey, I have so learned to go alone to Him. In my marriage we don’t share Him and with all of my Christian sisters, they are all married to believers. But with Him, it never matters. Thank you for sharing. You are loved by so many faces you have not and may never see, but you are loved and appreciated.
Hi Lindsee,
I too am in the same situation as you, married to a man who isn’t seeking the Lord. I find it very challenging at times to follow what the Lord is calling me too when the man that I am one with is going a different way but the Lord has been speaking to me about being His bride. We are in a supernatural marriage to an incredible man who always loves, cherishes and supports us. You are not alone. 🙂
This touched my heart! Praise Him!
^_^
Thank you for the heartfelt update. Your willingness to be vulnerable is such a blessing because it breaks into the places of my own vulnerability. In places I find myself waiting on the Lord, I can see with an encouraged perspective that they become places where I can give Him myself and it can be a sweet time for just Him and me to share. May He bless you with joy through your time with Him.
Lindsee, thank you for writing this post. I needed this at this word at this very moment.
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Yes, sometimes we must only speak with Him in our journey, and then God will give us the words He wants us to share.
The Perfect Response:
In one of Beth’s series she shared a struggle with God and He asked her ‘what is the worst that could happen?’ A Christian friend was recently diagnosed with aggressive stage four brain cancer. Surgery removed half the tumors but further surgery could also incapacitate him. He has a wife and very young son. A fellow Elder, to encourage him, also asked the young man ‘what is the worst that could happen?’ Admittedly the Elder expected no perfect answer. However much prayer had gone forth for the young man, especially for his attitude and courage as he and his family face the cup God has laid before him. The young man’s response: ‘The worst that could happen is that I might forget that I am in the hands of a God who loves me.’ Deut. 8 states that God tests us that we might find out what is in our hearts. Cancer is the enemy of his body but fear and lack of trust is the enemy of his soul and spirit. My heart became proud and rejoiced in the Lord to hear this young man’s proclamation of courage, trust and faith.
Hi Mike, LPM has also prayed for a friend with an aggressive brain tumor, and truly the fight is for faith. It sounds like this young man has proved his faith genuine!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I like to talk to 2 buddies, they are great prayer warriors. But your blog and verse remind me who I am to be with and trust….Him. Love the thought that He just wants to be with me. Unconditionally. Trials with our adult daughter, but He knows it. Never not a parent no matter their age. He has this….
This is right where I’m living these days.
Oh thank you Lindsey for being open and honest! You gave me some clarity and food for thought In my season. Hang in there sista! We have Him to get us through…utterly dependable, loving and gracious, merciful savior, what more could we need!
Such good words, Lindsee. Some things are just for Jesus and you to work through together, like some are just for me and Jesus. I think it adds to the intimacy of the relationship. Beautiful.
Wow Lindsee! I needed to hear that. So often, I do want to run to my friends to have them pray for me. Yes, I know that is good. But like you said. Maybe he just wants me for himself! Thank you! Bless you for your thoughts and encouragement for me today.
This expresses the exact season that I am in right now. At first my reaction was to panic and then I pouted, then I tried fighting but now I am just resting and relishing. After all my pathetic attempts to hold onto the last season I was in, I now don’t care if I accomplish anything or go anywhere for Jesus. I don’t care who thinks what of me. I just want to stay with Him in the throne room. It feels so good. All my love
Beautiful. Thank you. I loathe my current season. But it is exactly as you stated: time for me and God. This unexpected season of loneliness is time for me to be with God. Thank you for the encouragement! Be blessed.
Didn’t get around to reading this til July 29. What perfect timing that you wrote this the day before Beth taught at LPL Denver about Jesus as our One and Only!! Blends perfectly with that theme and I’m striving to make Jesus just that, my One and Only. Thank you!
Lindsee, I enjoyed meeting you at the end of the Denver Living Proof Live event last weekend and am praying for you sweet sister! Thank you for sharing your heart so purely…
I am praising the Lord for your sharing right now, Lindsee. Your words spoke right to my heart. I have been thinking Jesus is wanting more of me right now than ever before. He is wanting me to allow Him to do a work in me. I am being so blessed, but also greatly tried. With the point of reference in my mind being: “He wants me for Himself” is so encouraging. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting this into words for me, too. Until He comes.
Perfect. Really. That sums it up. Because even though I’m exhausted, I have no desire to talk with anyone….except my Lord and my God. I’d prefer to spend days on end with Him right now, being renewed and refreshed. But that is not His way. Instead, like you, it is my job to serve. And serve I will, in the hopes that He will shine brighter, not me. Because I got nothing on my own. But in Him I have everything.
Lindsee, your thoughts give me something to chew on. You are describing very much where I am and have been in this season of my life. It has seemed for so long to be without definition, clarity, tempted to think it might be the end but you remind me it is something more. I just couldn’t see it before. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Oh Lindsee, I am a mother of 3 daughters and I just feel like hugging you right now. I am so glad when you know you are with Jesus, and that it is okay to be still with him. I am not a very still person so I find it very hard to just breathe in Jesus and just be. I am way too frantic and energy filled for that. Please know that when Jesus is quiet, sometimes he is waiting for you to do the talking, for you to remind yourself why you are who you are, and to remind you that God loves you so much that he needs you to believe it, maybe he is quiet until you say, “Yes Father, I am worthwhile, I am here for Your purpose and I may not see it now, but can’t wait for the adventure with you to continue. Please keep the faith and remember. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. Romans 8:28. Bless you Lindsee.
Thank you for being so honest in Texas love your sister in Oregon
Oh Lindsee! This is oh so what I needed to hear today! Thank you SO much for allowing the Holy Spirit to talk to me through your words!
Lindsee –
It’s been several days since you posted and I first read this. I re-read it today and must tell you it is such a blessing. Thanks for sharing so sweetly and honestly.
Thank you so much, this helped to clarify some of my own feelings.
Such a good word. There is nothing wrong with your pen. You so aptly describe my heart in a way I never can. So sweet to have the gift of words & communication – and girl you do. Your words touch my heart strings and remind me there is nothing new in what I go through but what is common to man – I am not alone.
Thank you for this post and for your honesty, Lindsee. I have been going through the exact same feelings lately, but you articulated it so well in that Jesus wants us for Himself. And sometimes this is isolating for a time and people don’t understand, but the benefit of stepping away from people for a deepened relationship with The Lord has so many more benefits. God is faithful and He is always at work. I read this post the day you posted it and I have it starred to come back to!
The Lord is good! Before reading this post, I heard Him telling me to be patient and He brought to my memory an old chorus I sang in church as a child–
“He who dwells in the secret place of the most high,
Shall abide under the shadow of the almighty,
He who dwells in the secret place of the most high,
Shall abide under the shadow of the almighty,
And I will say of The Lord,
He is my refuge,
And my Fortress,
My God in Him will I trust.”
I asked Him for confirmation that I had heard His voice clearly minutes before reading your post. He does want us for Himself. Your post has been a huge blessing to me today!
This is me, one hundred percent, right now. In fact, it was just a few days ago when I was feeling so frustrated and irritated with the people who have been closest to me that I really cried out to God. It was a long conversation of me just spouting everything out that I have known for so long was meant for God and not to be tucked away inside or even shared with other ladies who I trust. Finally, in that intimate moment, I gave my years of hurt to Him. I handed everything over, the raw truth of everything, and I felt so free. I have been so much more diligent about being in His word lately and speaking with Him in prayer, but most importantly just being in His presence. I listened to a teaching today that said that every person has to go through a stage where it is just you and God, and that that can be one of the sweetest times for a girl like me. God has confirmed that right now, today, in this season of my life, I am His and no one else’s. He wants all of me and all of me is what I am going to give to Him. And, oh, I know the outcome, along with the process, will be ever so sweet!