“For this is what the master, the LORD, the Holy One of Israel says: “If you repented and patiently waited for me, you would be delivered; if you calmly trusted in me you would find strength, but you are unwilling.” Isaiah 30:15
“How are you doing?” my sweet friend asked me a couple days ago. In that setting and at that moment I knew she was asking in a genuine, tell-me-how-you-really-are kind of way. Within two seconds my guard came down and I shared my heart with her.
I began to tell her that not too many days before that, I had shed some tears over all the emotions running through me and in that moment, though all I wanted to do was text or call my closest friends, instead, I talked everything out with Jesus and it was good. It was one of those moments that I knew turning to anything else but Him would have been worthless and nothing anyone would have said would have been helpful. It wasn’t a self-pity moment; it was an honest, this-is-where-I’m-at-Lord conversation that was passed its due date. Thankfully, our emotions don’t define our relationship with Christ, but they are a part of our relationship with Him.
Looking back, I think He just wanted me for Himself.
I confessed to her that for no good reason, I’ve apparently lost my ability to write anything the past few months. That the thought of writing a blog post is nearly daunting and the little blue “W” icon at the bottom of my computer stares blankly at me all day long. That every time I start clicking on the keyboard, I get a few paragraphs in and end up trashing the whole thing because it’s just not good, or helpful, for lack of a better word.
Looking back, I think He just wanted me for Himself.
I shared with her that for the first time ever in my life, as I’m discerning who I can trust with the secrets of my heart, I’ve kept my mouth shut. That somewhere along the way I’ve seemed to have lost all communication capabilities that include both small talk and deep talk and that’s a quandary for someone who is usually an open book.
Looking back, I think He just wanted me for Himself.
I admitted to her that it has been a disheartening season, somewhat lonely, and I don’t know how to communicate that to someone without sounding like a Debbie Downer, but it’s my reality. That sometimes (ahem, most times) in ministry you don’t have it all together but somewhere along the way I’ve believed the lie that people expect you to have it all together. When in reality, people relate to your messiness, not your perfection.
Looking back, I think He just wanted me for Himself.
In the middle of the conversation the word silent struck a chord and I realized that’s exactly the season I’ve been in. A quiet season. Me and Jesus. And you know what? That’s okay. While our temptation is to flee the seasons we loathe, sometimes even the ability to put vocabulary to our seasons helps us to be content while moving us a step forward.
In my own life, and maybe I’m not alone, I’m really good at multi-tasking. I can pour out my heart to both God and man and I enjoy doing both. But over and over again we’re told to pour out our hearts to God, for HE is our refuge, not man. Somewhere along the way I’ve adopted the idea that as I’m waiting on God, I feel that sharing my heart to others will fix it; that in striving for someone to just hear me, all will be well, but it’s in resting in the shadow of the Almighty, in quietly whispering to Him my innermost thoughts that He renews me. Often living in the shadow means that you’re out of sight; and in our flesh we equate out of sight with out of mind, but that’s a lie. Because you and I are safest in His shadow, in quietly waiting on Him, because sister, I can guarantee that you and I are never off of His mind.
Maybe our most profound seasons looking back will be the one’s where it was just you and Jesus, just me and Jesus, because those are the seasons He’s doing a new thing. Those are the intimate seasons no one can take from you. It’s those seasons that you couldn’t explain to someone if you tried. Though we may looked detached, we are more attached to our Creator than ever, and there is joy!
Like my friend shared with me that evening, “Sometimes if we’re seeking and asking the Lord to speak to us and He appears to be quiet, it may be because He just wants to be with us.”
And if I’m learning one thing right now, it’s learning to calmly trust Him.
Looking back I can see clearly now, He’s wanted me for Himself.
And it is well with me.
“I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken. Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62: 1-2, 5-8
I can’t stress enough how these words that you have written seemed to have open my eyes. Thank you for being so transparent and vulnerable. The last 6 months of my life have been pretty dark (at least in one area of my life) because for reasons I still don’t understand a very special and important friendship was ended. Fast forward to this last weekend, I was able to go on a walk for almost an hour where it was just Him and I….FINALLY! (that is what I think God felt). I am still processing all of the things that He showed me, but this article rings so true and is absolutely right on time to help me in the process. He knows my heart is broken and He just wants to be with me….that brings tears to my eyes, knowing that these last 6 months or so I have been begging Him to tell me why, how do I move on from this, how do I trust others, and He just wanted to be with me.
Thank you a million times thank you!
Precious Lindsee,
You speak to us all, my special girl. I am a long-time student of Beth’s and fairly new fan of the lp blog. You are such an inspiration – and to all ages – as I read some of the replies to your blog messages, I see how God is using you. In my life…..in other lives. I am way older than you and you inspire me Keep doing what you are doing. Trusting God and following His voice. You are special. You are touching lives. You are making a difference. Stay with us, Lindsee. Stay faithful. You are a light in this dark world. Praise God for you young people who love the Lord with all of your heart and soul.
Shirlea, thank you for your super kind words. They blessed me this evening. Much love!
I second Shirlea’s words!
Good lesson. I am learning this as well. Thank you
Thank you for this post, Lindsee. I always love and relate to your writing but am terrible about getting out my computer to actually make a comment. (Twitter is often easier!) Your post resonates with me so much in this season. My husband passed away 7 months ago today (on Christmas Eve), and while I really feel like I’m coping about as well as you could expect a person to be at this stage of things, the loneliness is just hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t been there. And while I have friends who have been encouraging, close friendships are kind of a difficult thing to navigate for me, too. So thank you for sharing these reminders to uplift my heart today. Thank you for how you share yourself with us as well.
P.S. I also especially loved your “It Is Well” post. That song has been so encouraging to me, too. I actually am going to be singing it at church Sunday. . . a little outside my comfort zone to sing and play together, but it seems to be something God has been leading and opening a door for this time.
Oh, Ruth! I am so, so sorry for your loss. And at such a hard time. Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m praying right now that the Lord would anoint you on Sunday as you lead that special song. May you feel His nearness and pleasure! Much love.
Thank you so much, Lindsee!
Ruth, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband several years ago & still remember how incredibly difficult the 1st year was. It may not seem like it now, but the pain of his loss will soften with time – like the sharpness of a knife blade that becomes dull with time so it doesn’t hurt as much when it goes after your heart. As Lindsee so beautifully put it, our emotions are a part of our relationship with God. He knows your loneliness & sorrow, & He is with you. I pray that you will feel him holding you & that His peace & comfort will be balm for your spirit. I will be thinking of you.
Thank you, Linda! I just now saw your comment and appreciate your encouraging words and prayers.
I sooooo get this. Except for me it was the only way I would see Him face to face
is if everything else was chaos, He found me admidst the chaos.
And the relationship I have with Him now…I could only describe in lyrics
from “The More I Seek You”…
Once we stop going through the motions and realize
that need to be with Him….it all is so great.
Sidenote: Lindsee…as an old, ancient, veteran
of blog world with you…I just have to say I don’t think
you ever imagined that you would one day be writing here
on this blog…He is so good 🙂
Love you all to pieces!!
This is EXACTLY where I’ve been recently; only I couldn’t put words to it, so you did! Thank you! This is a new season for me that The Lord spoke over me 2 years ago and said I should embrace it. This is SUCH confirmation to me. Thank you!
Thank you for your post. Your writing carried God’s love.
Just loved reading your honest and heartfelt words. I am in that type of time with The Lord. We sit together and just be with each other. It is our quiet time together and so peaceful. This time of quiet and listening gives me a certain rest in my soul that only He can give. His grace is an overwhelming joy that only comes from Him. Thank you for sharing Lindsee. I’m glad you have this special time with Him!!!
Exactly where I am right now but so thankful I have Jesus! He is my everything!
Beth,
Thank you for honestly and whole-heartedly opening your heart to us. I’ve been a dump the last year that I cant explain to anyone or to drained to share with anyone. I’ve leaned on my Heavenly Father whole heartedly the last three years through major back surgery,lost of a closes friendship and lost of my dad this past August. You have opened my eyes to continue to stay in His Word and rest in His Presence.
I will lift you up in special prayer this week. I’m enjoying Children of the Day Bible Study.
Thank you. I so needed this at this season in my life!
Blessings on you!
Needed this tonight sweet blog friend:) God has seemed quiet lately but I keep pouring my heart out to Him, and I think He has loved every minute. I would want to call or text friends but no one would understand like my Heavenly Father. Hoping I get to meet you someday in person( we are the same age), but if not I’ll see you one day in Heaven and tell you how your posts help me know I’m not alone in my “lonely” season of life right now. Jesus loves you dearly and so do we.
Thank you, Beth. Encouraging words I needed to hear
I loved this post. Thanks for the reminder that some times, it’s just a quiet season…and that maybe He just wants us all for Himself. Perfect 🙂
Totally agree! The Lord has had to force me to rest in the past decade due to some physical issues, and the solitude and moments with Him I’ve gained, I have learned to cherish and miss if I rush thru my day, not making my time with him a priority. There is nothing wrong with being quiet. Please don’t yet anyone tell you there is. Remember the still, small voice that was God in the Old Testament? God was not in the great wind or the mighty storm, but the small voice. Sometimes, esp in today’s crazy plugged in world, we have to disconnect in order to hear His whisper. He does want you all to himself. Thanks for listening! God bless!
This is a beautiful and profound statement Lindsee: “Somewhere along the way I’ve adopted the idea that as I’m waiting on God, I feel that sharing my heart to others will fix it.”
This might just set me free today in my quiet time! You are wonderful Lindsee and I believe you sharing your vulnerability is quite timely and God will do a whole slew of things through the sharing of this post for others and for yourself. Thank you my sweet sister 🙂
Lindsee Lindsee Lindsee
What an amazing post! Thx!
Be still and KNOW that HE is God!.
Im in a hard place. My oldest and only living sister has
cancer and she is about to go into surgery right now.
Im in a very happy place too..My hubby and I have prayed
for grandchildren and we are about to be SuSu and Jimbo
of two identical twin girls!
have fun Lindsee..:}
Wow…This post is exactly what I needed to hear. Going through a new (and quite frankly sometimes scary) season in my life as I’m going to start college next month.(Would definitely appreciate your prayers.) 🙂 Sometimes I tend to forget that I just need to wait quietly for Him and trust that He will hold me together. You are so very loved, Lindsee! God speaks through your posts so clearly! I’ll keep you (and all my Siestas) in my prayers!
P.S. What version is Ps. 62:1-2, 5-8 in? I love it!
College is going to be such a sweet season for you, girl. Let the Lord use and shape you! And the version is the NLT. Many blessings!
Thank you so much Lindsee! Many blessings to you too!
I needed to read your message this morning. Thank you for sharing it!
I would say your season of quiet has passed as this was beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your heart with us and praise God for you following you calling to encourage others through writing.
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4
What a great reminder! Sometimes, Christ does want us just to Himself. The past few weeks, He placed on my heart, “Be still & listen.” I truly treasure these times. What amazing thoughts/lessons He has for me when I obey!Thank you Beth for sharing your heart & words with us.
Beth,
You don’t know how much I needed to hear this today. Feeling the same way. Have not had a real home for almost 4 years, moving from one location to another, waiting for the divorce to be final. He is teaching me so much and I am so impatient. His timing is perfect. He wants to be with me and I have a hard time being still and waiting.
Thank you Lindsee, I needed this so much!
Lindsee,
I needed to hear this! It is right where I am too! What a blessing for my morning. Thank you for waiting and trusting…and then sharing! You are loved!
Hello Lindsey!
I don’t often write back on blogs, but you’re entry today was just so poignant. How you are going through a season where Jesus wanted you for himself. Girl, I can so relate! He will allow you to feel isolated at times, just so you are forced to come in quiet. Sometimes to say nothing at all, to just “be” with him. I’m a very social person amd well past 50, so I can say “I’ve learned a little by this stage of life”.
One of the most difficult stages in the past years, he removed all my BFF’s through different circumstances. He took me deep into his word, because I had to learn something. In fact, the deepest things I’ve EVER learned were during “silent” times. Psalm 17:8 says
8 Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings.
When I studied what it meant to be kept as “the apple of your eye” I found out that it really means, “keep me as the little man in your eye”.
How close would you have to stand in front of someone to see your reflection I their eyes?
That’s how close he wants to keep us! So that we can feel the breath of his mouth as we look into his face! Now THAT is a position to pray. It has changed everything for me Lindsey. And he wants to keep me there, so I feel confident in saying “this is where I live!”. Psalm 27:4 says
One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
Yeah. I can live here. Just gazing at my Jesus!
Thanks again Lindsey for being so real in this post. God bless you!
These words describe exactly where I am right now. Being alone is something I have struggled learning how to do. In the past few months I have left an abusive marriage relationship and God called my mom home after a battle with cancer. God is so faithfully being the lover of my soul, my provider, my comforter, my strong tower. It doesn’t mean that it is not a difficult time because it is. Emotionally I am exhausted and sad but underlying all of that is a peacefulnessl that only God gives. I am spending more time in His word and recognizing Him in so many things around me. Thank you for allowing God to give you the words to describe this place.
Thank you Jesus…and Lindsee 😉
Thank you for revealing your heart. It helped me to understand ” where” I am at right now.
Hi Lindsee,
As with so many of the others that have written, your words and experience resounded with me. If there’s anything that Beth has taught me, it’s that God is always all about relationship. It’s always about getting our eyes off of people and what’s around us and directing our gaze at Him. And I too am in a season of talking less and less to other (even if they are good, sound-minded, Christian friends) and getting more comfortable talking to Him in a conversational way.
Thanks for your sharing and vulnerability. Blessings to you today!
PS: When I read the verses of Ps. 62 you typed out, I wondered to myself, “Why is this so familiar?” And then I remembered. Are you familiar with the Robbie Seay Band “Psalms” EPs? Sooo good! Love putting that playlist on repeat. Sometimes I’ve even turned the volume way low and let it play over me while I sleep.
Susan, I am familiar with Robbie’s albums! I love the Psalms EP’s as well.
Lindsee,
Your blogs mean so much to me! There have been so many instances when what you’ve written has closely mirrored my own journey and walk with Jesus. I have found encouragement in what you have to say and the open and honest way you express your thoughts. God is using your writing in my life in the same way that he uses the words of an uplifting, positive friend! Thanks for sharing.
Good morning Lindsee! I too am in a similar time of life. It’s about learning to lean on God instead of people of this world. I can relate to what Heidi wrote on the blog about BFFs. I am a social person and have tried for years to nurture a close relationship with women. I always feel left empty at some point and the friendship fizzles out. After losing my mother a few years back, I fell into a depressed season because I had lost my best friend too. I am learning, at almost 51, that God wants me to himself. Talk about my needing a two-by-four to get a message!
Thank you for being real and personal in your writing. Your post is certainly a God Stop for me. Keep writing Lindsee!
Lindsee,
Thank you for always being so real. The way you share your heart is so beautiful and ministers to so many. This post blessed me and I got emotional at this part:
“Maybe our most profound seasons looking back will be the one’s where it was just you and Jesus, just me and Jesus, because those are the seasons He’s doing a new thing. Those are the intimate seasons no one can take from you. It’s those seasons that you couldn’t explain to someone if you tried. Though we may looked detached, we are more attached to our Creator than ever, and there is joy!”
I am newly married and marriage is a HUGE blessing, so please hear that, but we have been walking a hard road very early. I don’t know where you are right now and what your desires are, but if you find yourself single, I tell my single friends to hold on to this time with God tightly because it is precious. God gave me 2 years just with Him before I had a short courtship and then was married. I think about that season with Him all the time now. As much as we desire human companionship, which isn’t bad at all, it is so wonderful when we can savor that intimacy and alone-time with God too, which you seem to really get and I didn’t get during it 🙂 Anyways, you are such a blessing and I hope that you are blessed today and this weekend!!!
Thank you for your sweet words, Kenin! They encouraged me this morning. Blessings on your weekend!
Down to the deepest parts of me, I know this journey. It has not been a pleasant one for me-my emotions have been all over the scale-but when I finally surrendered and just accepted this season in life, I have had a peace like I’ve never known before. That song you blogged about and referenced here has been a life saving declaration for me! And now to read your blog with its comments is so encouraging. Even when we’re called to be with just Him, many of us are going through that season together. Thank you for writing this.
Lindsee,
This is exactly what I’ve been going through for several years. It began in 2011 with the loss of a dear friendship. We had moved and as I’ve come to find out moving seems to be a qualifier of friendship. Someone I though was a close friend ended up not being. It was a painful and hurtful loss.
Then, on February 11, 2013 my father had a massive heart attack at the age of 66. For a week he lay in the hospital as we diligently asked God to spare his life. On February 17, God took him home. It was the thing that broke me. I no longer wanted to talk or write or communicate. The last year has been one of the most difficult emotionally and spiritually for me. But I knew God was doing something in me and have trusted that He indeed has been “working things for my good.” It wasn’t well with my soul at the time, but I knew it would be.
I’ve told a number of people that I felt like I’ve been in a quiet season learning to listen more and speak less. So when I read those words in your post, I knew they were for me. Thanks for being transparent and open. You are not alone. I am not alone. We do have a father who is faithful. I trust Him to see me through this season and know that when He is finished my heart will be mended and I will be whole.
Blessings friend,
Kimberly
I am so sorry for your loss, Kimberly! But thanking The Lord for His nearness to you. Much love!
When is th elast time you had a sabbatical? God has been calling me to a 6 week sabbatical so when I saw this article I thought of “resting” and “refueling” for His good work.
You are loved.
Make no doubt, God spoke through your words. I’ve been worried I was getting depressed, going to a dark place … After enduring several big losses right in a row I withdrew . Normally I would both talk to God and friends about the details of my life. Lately however, I have no urge to call a friend or even return their well intentioned efforts to reach out. Even more, I’ve lost my words and instead of praying, I read from the word and then ( chatty ol me) would spend the day quiet. No music distracting me, no girlfriend on the other end of the phone. Today you nailed it! He just wanted to spend some sweet quiet time with me… Helping me heal. That ah-ha immediately removed my fear that something must be wrong with me. Now I can settle into our Fathers lap and enjoy our time in a whole new way. Thank you for staying silent … Until He was ready to speak to you and to all of us through you.
Lacy <
What a great reminder “He is our refuge, not man”. I really needed to hear that today. Thank you so much for this post; it spoke to me and blessed me. Thank you so much!
Lindsee, thank you so much for these beautiful words that came from your heart. I felt so much love and strengthening from the Lord when I read what you posted. I just came out of this season of my life where it was only me and my Father in the valley and it’s such an encouragement to be reminded of His faithfulness. God bless you.
Hello Lindsee;
I can understand just how you feel about being quiet. Sometimes with me it’s been because the Lord has something HE wants to speak to me about in an area of my life that only HE and I know about and then down the road I’ve needed just what HE told me. HE was preparing me for the future. In my life today, He has told me that I’m resisting Him because I’m fearful of something that seems overwhelming to me. There isn’t anyone in my life to talk to about that deep fear. So I mention it here and ask for prayer. God is faithful even when I’m fearful. I want to overcome this so I can be more what the Lord would have me be.
“Blessed is she who has believed what the LORD has said to her will be accomplished!” Luke 1:45
Much love to you Lindsee!
I too struggle at times … we all do, it what we do in the struggle. You have found the best way, running to Jesus!
Thank you for your heart sharing!
I suggest you listen to Travis Cottrell “Just as I am” …OH MY how that hits me and wow’s me and causes to me run to Jesus every time I hear it!
Oh my goodness…this was written for me. My summer started out with a situation that required me to spend a lot of time in prayer and reading scripture and devotionals. Since then, I have spent a good amount of time continuing to focus on my relationship with God. I still have things I need to do to prepare for my quickly approaching new school year and my oldest daughter’s first year at college. Some family members think I’ve just been procrastinating, and I have felt that way somewhat. However, your post made me realize that maybe I needed this summer with Him to handle Abigail leaving for college, being the mother…and basically the only parent… I need to be for both girls, and starting my new school year spiritually refreshed. Thank you for making me feel better about myself…and the situation was their father cutting child support because Abigail graduated..prayer worked!
Lindsee, you communicated this beautifully! Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You are in my prayers. Thank you for all you do for LPM!
Lindsee, I have recently been where you are and am learning the lessons you are about times of silence with the Lord (and I am twice your age). So you are way ahead of me! God is teaching me too to just be with Him, and go to Him first, before running to my girlfriends, or even my husband. And I am finding His peace in that.
Thank you for being the voice of this LPM blog when Beth is busy. You have blessed me so much over the years with your wise insight (and your fun I-phone dumps). It’s true, we all have much to learn from each other’s walks with the Lord, no matter what our ages.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Lindsee. You are a blessing. I always treasure that special time with God.
This time is for You, Lord
A quiet time, a peaceful time
The time that my thoughts are on You
And I am still
Waiting, listening
Your love inside me overflowing
My heart searching, seeking You
Full of praise for You,
A time for being thankful
For Your creation, for Your care,
For all You do, just so many things
This is a time to express love for You,
Nothing can be better than what You
Have planned for our lives,
Nothing can bring true happiness,
Peace and joy like You
Nothing can take away the pain, sorrows,
Or heartaches of this world, but You
No earthly treasure could be worth what
You have for me now or in the future
Let us recognize who You are,
Because of Your greatness, powerfulness,
Strength, character and love.
You are a Holy, merciful God!~joyce
Well said! Thanks for sharing!!
Wow! Thank you Lindsee!
I get it!! What you wrote helped understand my own place and time that I find myself. Thanks for being honest!!
Isaiah 30:15 is the verse God gave me along with the one word of Strength. He has removed a lot of things and given some back but I have been craving the community that is promised in His Word. He has been trying to remind me that He loved me first and He loves me best. Quietness and Trust are not my strong points but I might “finally” be at the end of myself and willing to lean in and let Him be daddy. Thank you, Lindsee, for the reminder that “He just wants me for himself”.
Sweet, precious Lindsee,
No matter the season…or reason…always know how much we love you!! And if we could, we would all have a group hug!!
Thanks for sharing!!
Beautiful post. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing this journey. Your words have helped me find comfort in my own needed quiet moments. My husband chose to leave our marriage in March, completely out of the blue (to me) after 23 years of being in each other’s lives. I’ve retreated to hours upon hours upon hours alone with God. The Trinity has been revealed to me in a whole new way these months as God the Father, Son, and Spirit have ministered to my shattered heart with newly discovered aspects of Their character. However, recently I felt I needed to ‘get back to life’ more. Myself and my peeps were wanting Tress back. I started scheduling myself more with people, lunches, meetings, etc. After only two weeks, I have discovered I am just not ready. I was anxious, tired, and longing constantly for my time with the Lord. I love your words “He wants me to Himself”. He wants me to Himself to continue healing me and I want Him all to myself! So, I’ve canceled some outings and am crawling back into the lap of my Savior for some healing one-on-one time. Prayers to you Lindsee on your journey as well!