What I Would Have Told Myself 10 Years Ago

The other day I received a notification on facebook inviting me to join a group for my high school ten-year reunion.

Initially, I shuddered.

Before I go any further, I do realize that I am still young and have years ahead of me, God willing, but a ten-year high school reunion seemed light years away when I graduated. So, the fact that it is very much upon us is straight up weird to me. And yes, I just said straight up.

The little red notification box got my mind spinning in all sorts of directions.

One very interesting thing about my generation is that facebook was released the year we graduated. Although I didn’t actually get a facebook account until a couple years later, I’ve essentially had facebook since I graduated.

That means that not a lot is left to my imagination. Since I walked across that stage to accept my diploma, I know who has gotten married, had babies, started their own businesses, traveled the world, moved to a different state, gotten divorced, and even, sadly, passed away. When you graduate in a class of 700, a lot can happen in ten years. I don’t often wonder about my fellow classmates because I see their faces pop up on my news feed.

However, if I’m being really honest, the other direction my mind immediately went was negative.

I’m pretty sure if I dug around enough, somewhere I could find a paper written on what my ten years after graduation would look like. I know without a doubt it included a husband and kids on there, and here we are ten years later, and that’s a far cry from reality.

What is it about having a spouse and kids that make you feel validated in front of others and worthless if you don’t? Oh, the enemy sure is crafty.

Do I know better? I absolutely do. I know from the depths of my soul and heart that a spouse and kids are simply a gift from God, same as having a job, or a ministry. If I put my identity in those things alone, I’m bound to lose my identity at some point.

But the weirdest thing for me is that I was that girl in high school. I was the girl that didn’t date at all, and in my ugly flesh, I wanted things to be different ten years later. But they’re just not. And that’s what rose up in me as I clicked on that notification.

Did it wound my pride just a little? You bet it did.

Because the truth is, inside every grown woman, there’s still a 7th grade girl that wants to be the pursued, adored and chosen one. As girls, we want to feel special and loved. As grown ups, we still have crushes, we just don’t admit and giggle about them like we used to.

This past Tuesday night we launched Bible study! It was an amazing night with an exceptional word. Because of a few jobs I’ve been given for those specific evenings, I am unable to take notes. This note-taker about had a fit when I realized I wouldn’t be putting any pen to paper, but once I got over it, I was able to listen and receive. Although I tend to have an elephant brain, there is still so much I don’t remember. But one thing I know for certain is that not one of the 4,000 ladies could have walked out of there without the faithful truth that we are chosen and loved by God.

That isn’t just a mushy, make you feel good comment, it’s a fresh, biblical reality we all needed to hear.

I would know, because I’m that grown woman who desires to be pursued, chosen and adored. And the truth is, according to 1 Thessalonians 1:4, I already am.

If I could go back, I would have told myself ten years ago that although in ten years life may not look like I dreamed or expected, the way the Lord has engineered my circumstances up until now are better than I could have engineered them. I would have told myself to chill out, that having a husband and children, though a legitimate desire of my heart, doesn’t mean I’ve arrived. I would have told myself that God indeed writes a better story than I can or ever will.

Every time I’ve tried to go after something myself the past ten years, God has thwarted my plan. Every time I’ve tried to hold onto something that wasn’t of Him, He’s snatched it right out of my hands. Every time I’ve pretended to be in control, He’s proven to me that He is faithful, and I’d rather Him be in control, even if I’m perplexed by what He’s doing. Every time I’ve doubted His goodness, I’m reminded that even when circumstances aren’t necessarily good, He is working all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

I don’t know if I’ll attend my ten-year reunion. To be honest, I’m still that insecure high school girl that is waiting to see who ends up going, and then I’ll make my decision. Husband-less. Child-less. I still have a God who’s been exceedingly faithful to me even when I’ve been completely faithless.

It’s been a good ten years.

I’m praying for immeasurably more to the glory of God for the next ten years.

Only the Lord knows what I’ll be writing then.

Hindsight is always 20/20, is it not?

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178 Responses to “What I Would Have Told Myself 10 Years Ago”

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Comments:

  1. 51
    Jill says:

    Lindsey, so true, so honest. I am with you.
    Ps I didn’t go to my 10 yr. because of just those same reasons.

  2. 52
    sunshinedays says:

    Lindsee – I have had more than just my 10 year reunion. I didn’t have any desire to attend that reunion because high school was not my favorite time. Now – a few years later – I’m looking forward to our next reunion. I’ve reconnected with some people on Facebook. I’m still not married, but I still have a few years between now and the next reunion, so who knows what might happen? I may be older than you are by quite a few years, but your words always speak to my “still single” heart and remind me that in your words a “grown woman who desires to be pursued, chosen and adored. And the truth is, according to 1 Thessalonians 1:4, I already am.” Thank you.

  3. 53
    lynda rickey says:

    Lindsee, What a beautiful and genuine post. Girlfriend, I can relate because I too was that same girl (husband-less, child-less)at my reunions. It has taken me many years to be content with my own singleness and God’s plan for my life and knowing and trusting in His faithfulness. He is such a loving and merciful God. I am not sorry I attended any of my reunions. We were all kids together and I have such sweet memories of my classmates. Deep down we are all still those beautiful, sweet, insecure, naive, ambitious dreamers that played together and dreamed of changing the world. Love ya Lindsee, Lynda

  4. 54
    Eileen says:

    Hi there! I was like you in high school. Never dated. Then I graduated and gave my life over to Jesus all about the same time. Then I watched all my friends get married and have children. And still I waited. Not until I was 50 did I marry my sole mate. He was lovely. We got on so well. When I was 56 he died, suddenly. I’m now almost 59 and can say God is good ALL of the time. One really can joy in Him through the trials knowing that our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory! But boy does the enemy try to rob of that joy if he can. One thing I learnt and continue to learn from my husband and from the Lord is to be content. My husband was content and secure in who he was a fellow who lived so in the present. Perhaps that is why he got to ride into eternity (he had a widow-maker heart attack while out mountain biking … died instantly … they say he didn’t know what hit him) while I’m left to be made more ready for that glory that lies ahead. I’m now involved in organizing Bible studies for our little church … we’ve done a few of Beth’s. I don’t know exactly what God has in store but I do know that I must be about my Father’s business!!

    By the way, I’m so happy I waited for the right guy … even if the wait was so long and it was for such a short time. Many people are amazed when I tell them about how we got on … they say I got 5 years of prime time with my guy which a lot of ladies don’t get in 50 years of marriage. God knows what is best for each of us if we can only believe that.

    • 54.1
      Lindsee says:

      Eileen! What a story! Girlfriend, I have no doubt He will use it to bring glory to Himself. Your perspective and attitude are encouraging to me. I’m asking Him to do immeasurably MORE in your life this year, Sister! Thank you so much for sharing that with us. It is not lost on me!

    • 54.2
      Laura Jackson says:

      Eileen, Wow, what a story!
      I’m a single, 32 year old woman, and reading your story, while sad, encouraged me that waiting for the right one is worth it, even if it doesn’t happen until 50.
      Saying a prayer for you tonight.

  5. 55

    To this one I look…
    Lindslee Lou…
    Humble, Contrite & Trembles at His Word
    Isaiah 66:2
    You are always falling forward on a very Good God.
    And He’s got you in a tight place.
    Psalm 46:1 my NASB margin says:
    God is abundantly available in tight places.
    Your post evoked in me something I wasn’t expecting.
    You see, I feel the same way about ministry validation. I think I look like a loser. My husband and I lost our “ministry,”—church positions—and God is detaching me from anything that brings me joy other than Him. Am I more concerned for the Glory of God or my own? And that’s where I think the world of you, living for His Glory, and embracing what He has for you, even though it hurts and is hard. You honor Him so! Love you girl!

  6. 56
    Dee Dee says:

    Lindsee-I wish I had gotten that truth when I was your age and especially in high school. God is our portion and our very great reward!! I vote you don’t go to your reunion! Mine was yuck! Yours may be different and I know you will be prayed up and I will pray for you sweet girl! Love, Dee Dee

  7. 57
    Susie Handy says:

    Susie, Swampers, LA

    Press on, Lindsee! Abide in Him, darlin’.

  8. 58
    Shirlea says:

    Sweet Lindsee,

    I’m in a totally different generation than you – will celebrate my 50th anniversary with my sweetheart in April – but your posts are some of my favorites! I loved the message from Eileen and she said it so well. She had 5 wonderful years with the man God chose for her and that’s more than so many people have with spouses of many years. My hubby and I have had many “peaks” and “valleys” but believe me, it has all been worth it. And, I do know this for sure. God has a plan for your life that is beyond your comprehension. You are gifted, your are adorable, and you are anointed. Most of all, you are greatly loved by the King of Kings. I can’t wait to follow your story, precious girl. LPM is blessed beyond measure to have you on staff! You are speaking to many many girls and women out there – of all ages!! May God continue to bless you and keep you in His care.

    • 58.1
      Lindsee says:

      Congratulations, Shirlea! Fifty years is nothing short of a miracle in this day and age. May the Lord give you many more years together. And THANK YOU for your very sweet words. I read and received every single one of them. Much love!

  9. 59
    vanessa says:

    Lindsee you’re awesome! Great post! And go to your ten yr.! I went to mine and only stayed an hour but it was fun. Enjoy it girl. Life is short!

  10. 60
    Margie says:

    Lindsee,

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wept over that high school girl I was. I graduated in the mid-80’s and still, even now, feel the hurt that I felt back then. I was terribly bullied and abused by a group of mean guys. Every single day I endured humiliation and degradation…. every day for years. Not one peer, not one adult ever stepped in to stand up for me. Part of my healing over the years has been to “talk” to that young girl I was and tell her tenderly that it won’t be for nothing……that God redeems what the devil steals….that one day she will truly understand He was there all along in those dreadful years and in all the consequential, self-destructive years that followed in an attempt to feel alive and worthy of love……that her now tender heart for the wounded and fierce spirit for the Truth would come out of those ashes.
    God is good indeed. Any chance we all have to speak truth to the hearts of young girls is of utmost, eternal value.
    God bless your ministry, Lindsee.
    Margie

    • 60.1
      Lindsee says:

      Margie, I am so sorry that happened to you. Praise God who IS our great redeemer. YOU are loved, Sister!

      • Mary says:

        Isa 61 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me [Margie], for the LORD has anointed me [Margie], to bring good news to the poor. He has sent Me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent Me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD’s favor has come…To all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for His own glory… You will be called priests of the LORD, ministers of our God. ..Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours…For I, the LORD, love justice. I hate robbery and wrongdoing. I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering and make an everlasting covenant with them… NLT

  11. 61
    Angie Sarich says:

    Hey Sweet Linds :)

    What you wrote connected with me, and somedays I am right there with ya wanting to have a husband and kids…
    but I’m learning the Lord’s leading is not always a direction, sometimes there is more we have to grow in to become who we will be…
    It’s important to really have a solid foundation with God first and foremost, I’m so thankful for the guidance at my new church, my Pastor’s wife and I had a conversation one night and I let her know who I might be interested in, and I got a straight, ” NO” from her, and while that isn’t typically what you think someone would say to a thirty something…she had no problem doing so.
    ” I don’t want to see you get into a relationship, and then take another six months to get out of it.”
    So I had to receive that I will not date until I am really strong in my walk, and God is the voice in every area of my life…
    I’m learning that the man who comes into my life must be at the same level as me, and I understand why waiting for that guy is crucial, because God wants the best for us, and we want to give the best to the lives we lead.
    I was supposed to be married 12-12-12…and looking back now, I know that I wasn’t marrying the man God would have been proud of me for marrying…I’m a teacher and leader in the making…and I need a husband that will be a leader…and that man is worth waiting for.
    I am proud of you Linds, you have a good family that supports you and good friends to do life with…You just keep waiting for the Lord in this, and He will make all of your life beautiful…:)
    xo
    ang

  12. 62
    Cary says:

    Lindsee, Your blog posts are always so profound. I’m so glad God has you at LPM blessing some of us “older girls”. I have a 7th grade daughter who will be thirteen this spring and I pray that God uses her like he is using you. I’m praying for God to give you the desires of your heart but in the meantime, I am so glad that you are using your gifts in an eternal way for young girls as well as older married girls. Blessings and hugs !

  13. 63
    Renee' says:

    Hi Lindsee,
    I just wanted to tell you thanks so much for this post. I needed badly to hear it, and even more so to own it.

    At 49, I am 21 years ahead of you. Still single and childless. There was a time in the not-so-distant past that, had I known I wouldn’t have kids, I would have committed suicide. That’s how bad I yearned for kids. Thankfully, that all-consuming desire has abated somewhat, as I am still kicking. I keep looking at it from the standpoint that (a) I deserve it as much as the next person does. but also (b) what’s wrong with me that God did not give me children? All of this adds up to my being really angry with God for about 10 years now. Fairly angry for probably 10 years before that.

    For you it seems to have strengthened your faith. Sadly, it has all but destroyed mine. Don’t get me wrong, I pray all of the time. Hoping those will be answered more satisfactorily than the innumerable other. I hope I can get to where you are. I’m uncertain how. No idea, actually.

    I know this won’t make it through moderation, but I wanted to thank you sincerely. And to say that I hope that there are some young women in similar situations as yours who will feel hope and peace when they read your post. I wish I could have heard your message as a teenager. I hope to internalize it at 49! Wish me luck!

    -Renee’

    • 63.1
      Lindsee says:

      Renee, no wishing you luck! I am praying for you right now. Listen, this comment will totally make it through moderation because you were just being honest. I don’t want anyone to think that my faith is perfect, nor that it has never gotten worn out, because girl, IT HAS! My faith waivers constantly, I just have to fight to keep it. My head and my heart don’t always match up and I’ve had my fair share of angry and frustrating days! Thankfully, I have a group of friends around me that encourage me to seek the Lord and let it strengthen my faith as opposed to being discouraged. So, thank you for sharing! He has immeasurably more for you, too. I’m believing God for you!

    • 63.2
      Laura Jackson says:

      Oh, Renee, I appreciate your honesty and know how you feel!

    • 63.3
      Laura Deibel says:

      You are in my prayers, Renee’. I’ve added you to my prayer journal and will ask my sisters in Christ to lift you up, too. I struggle with life daily, but when I give it to the Lord…I have hope and joy again.

      Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

      • Renee' says:

        Hi Laura, you rock! I need to work on doing that too. Thank you for your reply. Y’all made me cry good tears!

    • 63.4
      Jana says:

      Renee, I went through a crisis of faith for about two years not that long ago. I want to encourage you to keep walking, praying, and seeking God. I haven’t received answers to my “why” questions, but feel a peace knowing His will and plan is greater than my own. Please know I and many others will be praying for you!
      Blessings Sweet Sister

      • Renee' says:

        Hi Jana, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I hope I can get to where you are! Much thanks for the prayers–They will not be wasted on me, as our Siesta-mama might say!

  14. 64

    God must have someone extra special for you. And it’s going to be fun watching it eventually play out before our blogger eyes. And I imagine Mama Beth is on the look-out for your Mr. Right! I know this may not help much … but the older you are becoming a wife, a mother … the less mistakes you will make. Older and wiser. I was way too young to marry … 18 … yes. I’d give anything to go back and make less mistakes. Thankful for God’s grace. Thankfully, I wasn’t a mother until 29 … (and you wouldn’t believe the tears I cried thinking I’d never be a mother!)

    Praying for you!

  15. 65
    Becky says:

    This was a wonderful thing to read and so timely. Just this past week I got an invitation to my 15 year class reunion. I’m still single while all my friends are married and have children. I was the same as you in high school and it is comforting to know that I’m not alone. I’ve had a dream my entire life to be a wife and mother but I have come to learn that everything happens for a reason and if God wants that for me, it will happen but in His time, not mine. And if not, well then, i will just love and cherish my niece and nephews and children if my friends. God Bless!

  16. 66
    Kenin says:

    Lindsee, thank you for sharing such a tender piece of your heart here. I found myself completely broken last night about this very thing. It’s always refreshing to know that I am not alone! This week I was introduced to the song “Just To Get To Me” by Unspoken. It blessed me & reminded me of God’s goodness & plans for my life-If you haven’t heard it, you should check it out!!

  17. 67
    Tracie says:

    Oh Lindsee, I could just squeeze your stuffins’ out. Your honesty is endearing. I appreciate it so. Aren’t we all , deep down still that 7th grade little girl? I don’t know if we ever out grow that. Maybe it’s because God has set that desire in our hearts, to be truly loved, sought after and adored. I’m 37, married and a mom and I still have that deep longing that only He can fill. I guess it’s meant to be that way.

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You are such a pleasure.

    Little secret , this time of singleness is a beautiful gift…..in hindsight of course ;) I wished I hadn’t wasted so much time wishing/waiting/wondering about Mr. Right and really looked at the freedom and blessing it was to be set apart for a season……..all this said in hindsight ……of course :)

    Bless you sweet sister!!

    • 67.1
      Lindsee says:

      Oh yes, sweet Tracie! I’ve been known often to thank God for my singleness and the freedom it brings, for sure. But I never want to get so comfortable with it that I’m selfish with my freedom, you know? But yes, not miserable here, just a legitimate desire. Blessings right back on you!

      • Tracie says:

        Funny little side note. When I was your age I had a marriage and child , I was a worship leader and taught college Sunday school…..still something was so lacking in the church I was in. Confession: silly confession: I used to wish/daydream….. If I could only work for a ministry like Beth Moore’s LOL. So I was wishing for exactly what you have when I was your age! Too funny huh?

        Awesome that God has a such a special, set apart plan for each of our individual lives. Neat to share our experiences though. No matter which side of the coin, we’re all “in this thang together”. Brings me great comfort. :)

  18. 68
    Desiree says:

    Lindsee-I will be out of school 28 years this spring, which is completely unbelievable. I never thought I would still be single after all this time! I am mom to an adorable first-grader in my old age, which is not easy , but I am believing God that He has it all planned out! Hang in there-you are still really young. (I have not been to any Reunions-I figure it would be a letdown kind of like prom. It might be fun to go with another single though.)

  19. 69
    Texas in the Mountains says:

    “I would know, because I’m that grown woman who desires to be pursued, chosen and adored. And the truth is, according to 1 Thessalonians 1:4, I already am.”

    Lindsee, you are so far ahead of the curve to know this! Hold fast, sister!

  20. 70
    Deborah Mott says:

    Thank you for ur honesty! I have been married for about 32 years. My husband tells me regularly he loves me and he pursues me and still I doubt and feel insecure and feel inside as you have expressed! Marriage has not taken it away but i continue to pray that the LORD will soon! I look at pictures of me and know I am not ugly ugly yet inside I rarely feel beautiful. I am in Gods Word more than anyone I know personally. Yet I struggle to make it every day and in fact almost died Dec 8th after surgery! There is a part of me struggling to believe all Gods Promises are true bc my life has been Soooo hard and I am so tired! Thx for this blog and a place to express my shattered heart that needs so mended! I am reading Mended and in forward discovered author came to Christ via Breaking Free Bible Study. The LORD used both I Will Carry You and Breaking Free in HUGE WAYS IN MY LIFE! Yet I still am a work in progress. Sometimes it is hard to deep down believe God is good and His plan is better than what we so desperately want! I am ready for real transformation and know if HE doesn’t perform in me what needs done, I am in deep and am dead in that deep soon… How long O LORD???? Pain to passion? All these promises yet hope deferred makes the heart sick and I am sick! My faith feels at risk! I am ashamed to admit it but it is true that it is Soooo hard to choose TRUTH OVER FEELINGS N CIRCUNSTANCES!!!!! Year after year, decades later… Why ? So long? What am I missing? Is He punishing me? Read a quote this week about seeing CHRIST BETWEEN ME AND CIRCUMSTANCES/ feelings… Need more faith to pull it off anymore. In trial of life and know will be blessed if endure the hardships. So hard when so alone sometimes in middle of dark nights…. Thx for listening. In Christ, Deborah

  21. 71
    Caitlin says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. I can’t tell you how much it spoke to my heart this morning!!

  22. 72
    Deana says:

    Thanks for sharing! Definitely words that resonated with my heart…

  23. 73
    Kay says:

    Yay Lindsee! You are walking in the truth. God is the only one who truly chooses, pursues and adores us in the way that we need to be chosen, pursued and adored.
    Any honest person who is married with kids, will tell you there is no fairy tale life to be found except for the life that Jesus gives.

  24. 74
    Chrissy says:

    Five years ago, I could have written that blog entry. I didn’t attend my reunion because of the very same reasons. I remember lying in bed at night and praying (actually begging)God to change my heart if he didn’t want me to be married or have children. I just knew I was supposed to be married. I would say, “look at these people that have been married two or three times- they don’t even know what Biblical marriage is! I want to do marriage YOUR way. Please give me the chance.” Well, that He did. In his own time. Shortly before my 31st birthday, I married the man that God had been preparing me for quite a while. He was more than I had prayed for. He had qualities I didn’t know I needed. Stay faithful, dear one. He will too.

  25. 75
    Suzanne G. says:

    What a beautifully written post which touches the hearts of women who have been there! Your post includes every thought I have had pass through my head at one time or another. How wonderful it is to look back and see God had a much better plan than me….one husband and seven children many years later. His plan was perfect:)
    God Bless You Lindsee

  26. 76
    Marcie says:

    Beautiful. I’m 48 and have been divorced for 4 1/2 years and thought I would be remarried by now. I struggle with some of the same things you are describing. Although divorce is never of God, he is doing some interesting things with my life that may never have happened otherwise. I’m working on contentment and satisfaction with God alone. Thank you for the honesty.

  27. 77
    D'Anna says:

    Lindsee,
    I am that girl too. I still feel like that seventh grade girl — too often unfortunately. Just a note, you have such an amazing faith and reading your posts reminds me so much of my own journey. I too waited patiently on my christian husband and family. It is such an amazing story that I wish I had the space to tell. I met my husband at 33, married at 34, had our first child at 37, second at 38 and third this past December at 41. I can’t wait to hear how your story unfolds and the testimony of God’s faithfulness.

  28. 78
    Rena says:

    I can so relate to what you’ve written! I will be celebrating my 40th wedding anniversary in June, as well as my 40th year after graduation from high school, and I have yet to go to one of my reunions. So many insecurities as a woman when I compare myself to all the others who obviously have it together :) I have 4 kids and 4 grandkids, and a husband in ministry, yet I still don’t feel “grown-up” and “successful” in the eyes of the world. Thank you for sharing what you did. I wish I could give you a hug!

  29. 79
    Martha Helen says:

    Hey Lindsee

    I haven’t read through all the comments so maybe someone else has already said this to you but at the end of your post it struck me when you said you are husband-less and child-less.. God has given you that “lack” in the human realm so that HE can fulfill it.. He is your husband! “For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is His name;” (Isa. 54:5) And He has given you “children” in the young girls that you spiritually mentor and parent.

    I cannot imagine why you have not been “snagged” by some handsome godly man.. you are beautiful in every way from what I can tell via social media world. :) And I can only imagine the difficulty that it would be to dance in the tension of that unmet desire. It is honest to say it is a struggle and a heartache, even though you know all the “right things” to do with it and about it. To keep your heart alive and tender and HOPEFUL is beautiful and maybe the most difficult response to an unmet desire.

    I am about your age I’m guessing because my 10 yr highschool reunion would have just passed (although I don’t think our school did one? or I wasn’t invited.. eeeps). I am married and just gave birth to my second-born, a son. So I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling. I can only say that I didn’t date much at all before I met my husband in college and then fell head over heels when we met. We have nearly seven years of marriage behind us and I have to say, very much of that time was filled with some deep pain. God, in His great wisdom, allowed us to go through some difficult and painful struggles to teach me that HE is my husband, my everything, my life. It’s perhaps the most painful and lonely thing to be lonely in your marriage. To be not adored or pursued by the only man who is supposed/able to do that! But that is how God taught me that He is my everything. Now my husband and I are breaking through to some beautiful things, and he is a WONDERFUL husband, but we couldn’t have gotten here without first learning those difficult painful lessons and being given the gift of a desire unmet.

    Trust Him and the journey, as I know you are. So I should say, CONTINUE to trust Him. Continue on.. you are a BEAUTIFUL woman and I pray He has a mighty man of God set aside for you and that you get to see Him fulfill that so precious and beautiful godly desire of yours. It is beautiful to see, as so many women in our world today no longer aspire to marriage and motherhood! May God be your everything and grant you your heart’s desire!

    Many blessings on you sweet “friend”
    Martha

    • 79.1
      Lindsee says:

      Martha, thank you for your sweet words and sharing a part of your story. They encouraged me and built up my faith, no doubt! He is up to something and I just don’t have eyes yet to see it, but I believe it. Blessings right back on you!

  30. 80
    Joni says:

    I’ve always been an “approval hound” and wore myself out trying to live up to everyone’s expectations; and if I couldn’t meet them, I just masked over my inability–and walked around in guilt and shame for 48 years. When you’re a child of God, deceit doesn’t sit well in the soul. After my panic disorder surfaced in 2002, I read Brennan Manning’s book, Ruthless Trust. There was a sentence he had written that I immediately copied and began to pray for myself. “Lord, free me from the tyranny of the approval and disapproval of others that I may find my delight simply and solely in pleasing you.” That’s what Life with God is about–finding our delight in Him and the heck with what other people think about us. BTW, if you go to your reunion, you won’t be going alone. Your “Husband” will go before you AND will be with you, too. :)

    • 80.1
      Lindsee says:

      Oh, that is GOOD. Thank you for sharing that with me!

    • 80.2
      Sandy Bowers says:

      Joni,

      That quote really speaks to me. Thank you so much for sharing. Going to copy it down right now! Blessings Siesta!

    • 80.3
      Martha Williams says:

      Martha from NC

      Love the quote. I am 69 years old, married 47 years with children and grandchildren and still struggle with the “approval” issue. Too long, dear Lord. Let this be the year to lessen this desire for any approval other than Yours.

      Thank you for sharing.

  31. 81
    Linda in Corpus Christi says:

    how do i get to the Siesta scripture memory blog??

  32. 82
    Tiffany Olson says:

    I did not attend my 10 year for pretty much the same reason. I didn’t regret it. 10 years was just too soon for me. This was 1998 and Facebook was very new to me. I wasn’t ready. I went to the 20 however and had a total blast!! I got married at 30 1st kid at 33 second at 35. It’s kind of the joke amongst my friends that I’m the oldest Jane with the youngest kids… (:

    Gods plan for me was different than others. Gettin ready for my 25th next summer! Been married 12 years! Gods plan was and is perfect’

  33. 83
    Susan Bilberry says:

    Lindsee, I am 51 yrs young….haaaa, and I just want to tell you that your post was one of the most sincerest, purest, honest, thought – provoking posts I have read in a while. And that is saying a lot, because…I l-o-v-e our Beth’s blogs a lot…..

    High school, for a lot of us, was a very trying time…whether that be due to popularity, boyfriends, grades, or whatever. Your forthcoming in your post will help so many of us deal with current and past issues. God has you right where you need to be….helping our young women see their worth where it counts!! Reminding them of what is important and why!! Living Proof is so lucky to have you, and we are all blessed that you share so openly with all of us, at all of our ages, as we are all women….and still little girls inside.

    Thank you, sweet Lindsee!!

  34. 84
    Cyndy says:

    Oh, Lindsee! I just want to give you a hug!!! I never went to a high school reunion because I felt like all I had to show for my life was a husband and kids! I was sure all the other women would have exciting careers and adventures and I would look like the failure. Don’t misunderstand, I love my husband and kids. I was a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. I loved every minute of it and through God’s grace was successful. Funny the hold high school peer pressure still has on you even when you are many years removed from it!

    • 84.1
      Lindsee says:

      Cyndy, isn’t it funny that the enemy uses against us whatever we “don’t have”? It’s so twisted. And makes me realize more and more the truth that Christ is our only measure of worth. Blessings!

  35. 85
    Elizabeth says:

    Elizabeth from Columbus, Tx:
    “The Lord thunders at the head of his army; his forces are beyond number and mighty are those who obey his command.” Joel 2:11 NIV

  36. 86
    Diana A. says:

    Put on your finest-highest RED shoes, place your Confidence in Christ Jesus, and walk triumphantly into that reunion!!!

    Girl you are more than a Conqueror over past inferiorities!

    You are a CHILD of GOD and that alone is Something!!!

    Witty girls, who are loved from the inside are ALWAYS the ones who people admire and respect – You are that Witty, Charming, Beautiful WOMAN!!!

    May you dazzle them with the Glory of God upon you that they speak of you (on facebook)for years to come … “Did you see Lindsee, wasn’t she the most amazing person! These past 10 years have been Good to that GIRL!!!”

    Always leave them wanting more… ;D

  37. 87
    Steph says:

    Lindsee,

    Such a good post. I recently experienced many of the same feeling. No it isn’t my 10 year reunion, it is my 20 year high school reunion this year and I’m still the single girl. Through Facebook and sites like classmate.com (pre-Facebook connection site) I have watched my friends get married, have children, get divorced, re-married, seen them succeed and live out their dreams. I’m single, back in school after getting laid off and feel like I’m in a holding pattern. I know God is working, but right now it is hard to see the plan.

    Thank yu for the reminder that we are “not less than” just because we don’t fit the stereotype of wat the world says we should be.

    Steph

  38. 88
    Abby says:

    I think there are an equal amount of women out there who are strapped down with a husband and kids who would love to trade places with you. Let’s assume you’re 28 (18 plus 10 yrs), that’s young. By that age I was single-again after a husband left me after only a short time married at 21. I was forced to give up the married life and live as a single-again woman for the rest of my 20’s. First it was painful, guild-ridden, awkward and confusing with the role reversal. Then I chose to look to God for his ultimalte plan. I focused on career, and created a young adult group in my church for single 20 to 35 yr olds and invited a lot of workmates, some who found the Lord there. Eventually I met my now husband and had my first child at 33. Looking back I’m thrilled I got to be single and indepdenent in my 20`s, to retain my figure and have the most fun every. Once marriage and children arrive life became full of mundane work and restrictions. So why am I telling you this? So you will look at how blessed you are, so you will use your gifts to bless others and bring them into the Kingdom and so you will not live with black and white thinking. Life is grey.

  39. 89
    Dawn says:

    Lindsee, you are just too precious to me! God has a purpose for your life baby girl! trust in that honey, don’t let the enemy tell you different. I admit I listened when I shouldn’t have and I missed 2 of my reunions. I still have the 25th to go. There’s just something about missing that 10 year mark.
    Please go and be confident in Christ that you are walking His plan and have a blast!
    Your Siesta in Christ:)

  40. 90
    Rachael says:

    I can’t even begin to describe what a blessing reading this blog was to me today. I received the blog post through my email yesterday and I was going to read it right then but changed my mind and I am glad I did. My high school reunion is coming up this year as well and I feel like we might be the same exact person. I was the girl who find date as well, the girl always expected to have a husband and family by now. I’ve watched friend after friend, some older but most younger get engaged and married and here I am doing my best to trust in The Lord that he is in complete control. I actually just left a friends wedding shower and as usual after such events I was doing a pretty good job of throwing myself one heck of a pity party when I checked my email on phone and saw the blog still in my inbox. Thank you so much for being so transparent and for sharing your heart. Know that I was blessed because of your faithfulness today!!!

  41. 91
    Mary Jane says:

    Lindsee, Please think about attending your reunion. People need Jesus and you may be the one He can use to reach them.

    I was married at 18 years old and had 3 kids by the time I was 27. But I didn’t come to know Jesus until I was 32 yrs. Had I only had my husband and kids, my life would have been good, but eternal life would not have been mine. Now that I have come to know Jesus, so have my husband and kids.

    Just a thought. Thanks so much for sharing this sweet blog.
    Mary Jane

    • 91.1
      Lindsee says:

      Oh, Mary Jane! I have not counted it out completely. Knowing me, I’ll probably end up going! But I’ll keep y’all updated for sure. And yes, nothing is sweeter than the assurance of salvation through Jesus!

    • 91.2
      Dawn says:

      Mary Jane, your story is alot like mine. I only had two children and was 32 when I was saved, Praise God! Just scrolled down and seen your post; wanted to share:)
      Blessings,
      Dawn

  42. 92
    Rozanne says:

    Oh my, dear sisters!
    You are you! Chosen and bearing the mark of Christ! Unique, beautiful, a work in progress. Aren’t we all? It begins before time, when God knew he would place you in this generation and allow life to unfurl in these particular ways. I pray you have health and the love of family and friends. You have the only love that really matters, the love of your Heavenly Father, your Abba.
    I believe He knows your needs and your hearts desires and He is perfects us through the trials, as James 1 tells us. ” consider it pure joy, my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking in anything.”
    I know that is hard to hear again, because you must be thinking, how much more must I persevere? A tree is pruned to bear much fruit. Pruning shears hurt.
    There is a time of sifting and harvest. I think of Luke 22 when Jesus says, “Simon, Simon, satan has asked to sift you as wheat, BUT I HAVE PRAYED that your faith not fail and when you turn back encourage your brothers.” Jesus prays for us. Faith is what Jesus valued for Peter more than the physical/emotional well-being. He knew Peter would turn back. We will, too, and encourage our sisters. We know from Romans ” we don’t always pray as we ought, but the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express”. Imagine that! Trust that! Trust Him! You know the character of God. He is love, truth, wise, merciful and full of grace.He is all these things, because He cannot be different than He is. He is faithful even when we are not.
    Is this a time to surrender all we are or have or desire to the One who knows? I don’t have answers, but I do know that when you surrender and don’t wrestle Him back for it, you find peace as He upholds you. Trust from this day forward in His Provision and give Him thanks and Praise. Let His purposes be fulfilled in your lives that it may give Him glory and you will know that it was worth it, to have Him show Himself through you.
    Your God is faithful! I know you are, too. I will be praying for each of you.

  43. 93
    Sasha says:

    Lindsee girl,

    I write this from a very tiny apartment in Seattle; I moved here 18 months ago and circumstantially all has not been well – I’m single, 33. I’ve been unemployed for six months, I don’t qualify for unemployment, I have few to no friends, I don’t know how I will pay rent in two weeks – I don’t tell you this for sympathy, but just to let you know that in the midst of the goo (no matter what that looks like for all of us) I hope that this can be encouraging to you:
    God is good. Not a snake.
    That has become a huge part of my prayer life lately; so often the enemy would love for us to be tempted to worship a false identity that is wrapped in the statuses that this world would glorify and have us have our identity in anything but Team Dad (I’m not saying that is where you are at, I’m simply speaking generally); there are days when I am weary and reminded of the story that Jesus tells in Luke – If a child goes to his father and asks for a loaf of bread will the father give him a stone? a snake? No way. God is good. Not a snake. In this way, I continuously preach to myself that even though things look not great and feel super not great, my God is good. Not a snake. Sometimes I’m so undone that’s all I can utter. And so for you, sweet one, I am praying (and I’ve got all the time in the world to pray for the peoples right now! Haha! Woot) that you will continue trusting Him. He is brilliant in His timing and ONLY wants the most excellent for you, and in the waiting we are hard called to sink deeply into His heart so that when the circumstances do change, we will know who we are and who He is despite the waves or the calm. After all, we wait on Him and not the thing, right? As King Jesus says “Yes. No.or Later” I wonder what He is doing in your Now… Oh and the adventure of His heart! I love the Spurgeon quote “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.”
    God is good. Not a snake.

    • 93.1
      Lindsee says:

      Sasha, that’s a good word. Thank you for taking the time to type that out and share that with me. Jonah 2:8 hit me fresh today, “Those who cling to worthless idols forsake faithful love.” Amen. How many idols have I tried to cling to only to forsake the One faithful love. Was so convicting to me, in the best way possible! Jesus IS better. Praying right now that God would provide for you, Sister. And not just in rent, but in a job, friends and things you don’t even know to pray for. He is faithful!

      • Sasha says:

        Linds,
        Amensies. He’s so bomb to show us in the kindest way where we may be idolizing; Yay repentance! I’ve learned to then ask “What am I seeking from this thing?” He shows me and 100% of the time its something I am not trusting or believing about Him; Dude. Grace. I’ve learned that if God is ‘witholding’ something that is as much of a gift from Him as when He is holding something out toward us. Seee… not a snake! Thanks for the prayers, sincerely.

  44. 94
    Stacy says:

    Lindsee,
    I read your post, and I could relate to your story! I was that girl, with one high school date, and I had the same feelings about attending my 10 year reunion. (It helped that I married a high school classmate–who was the very popular athlete–a football and baseball player. With his encouragement, I did attend with him, and we had a lovely time.) My expectations of what it would be like were not correct. Even now, at 48, I still have those desires you mentioned. But, I have finally found some peace with them. What would I have told myself? Be happy with who you are…follow your dreams…don’t try to please others…please God in words/actions…have balance and enjoy your life.

  45. 95
    Laura says:

    Lindsee
    Wow you could of been writing about my life. I wasn’t just the girl that didn’t date in high school I was the girl that got bullied and just like you I hoped that once high school was over it would all change and it has for the most part. However I still don’t date much, and now that I am a few years past my 10 year reunion (and no I didnt go) I’m still husbandless and childless, and at this point far from it. Just like you I know that these things are gifts and that my identity doesn’t come from them and that Jesus alone can fulfill my desires but there are just some days that I find it harder to remember.
    Thanks again for posting this entry. It’s good to know someone out there is dealing with the same things. Some times it can feel like your the only one. Especially when it hits you that your last single friend is married now too and of all your friends your the only one left that is still single.

  46. 96
    Julie says:

    Lindsee… I am only a few years older than you (just past my 15 year reunion) and I have to tell you that I could have written the first 1/2 of this. Especially the parts about wanting to be loved, needed and cared for. It’s my true heart’s desire here on earth. I’ve struggled with this more and more in the last 3 years (because other things in my life – including a 160 pound weight loss journey – did not produce this, or even a semblance of this companionship I long for.)

    I sit here in tears because I truly want this reassurance of something bigger. I want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what God’s purpose is for me here on earth. If it’s not to be married and have a child… that’s fine. I just want some reassurance that God has a plan for me. And that this plan doesn’t include the aloneness I feel each day.

  47. 97
    Sarah Bye says:

    Good word!

  48. 98
    Emily says:

    Lindsee, I could have written this post word-for-word a year ago when my 10 year reunion rolled around, and today.. I so get the tension that comes from clearly seeing how faithful God has been to me, and then in the same breath feeling the sting of “not feeling chosen”.. I did not expect to totally spaz about my 10 year, at all- but I did & felt like I totally jumped ship on “adult emily” and wound up back in the expectations and insecurities of my 17/18 year old self.. . the timing of it was “funny” because I SO wanted to have something to show for myself, and in my mind because I didn’t have certain things I felt so inadequate.. it was all a mess & I will not go to another one- but I will say this.. i did love seeing my HS friends & I did face my junk & it was so awkward- but not in a way that brought shame, but more so- made me laugh a lot.. I think for me, showing up was my way of allowing God to redeem the shame I felt going into it – and maybe even take claim that even though my life today looked like the worst-case-scenario to my 18 year old self, it’s not- and my 18 year old self really did not need to have such authority over my current identity/ self-worth… before hand, i told everyone I wouldn’t be there- I didn’t get the point, because of FB, i knew when my HS classmates went to the grocery store so what else would I possibly need to know, and why would I subject myself to the awkward small talk of avoiding the fact that we all already know everything…. & while those were completely legit reasons to not go- when I got honest, i realized my real motive for not attending would have been pride and insecurity.. all of this is to say, i went and survived- didn’t “thrive”- but I did survive it, and whether or not you can relate or your experience is different – i am learning that we all have these moments- and I pray that any language of Shame that satan is speaking to you- saying your alone in this , or not ______ enough would be replaced with truth -100% life-giving truth… sorry this is sooooo all over the place- just had to leave a comment because i have lived about 97% of the words you wrote…

  49. 99
    Traci winter says:

    Lindsee, thank you so much for that post! I graduated from high school 5 years ago and I am still in college. I look at all my friends on Facebook having babies and getting married or even just landing their dream job and starting their lives. I see all of this and I feel like that will never happen to me. I have a year left before I graduate and no man in sight. I try not to let it get me down but every now and again my insucrity grabs me. This is not where i thought i would be at this point in my life but it is good to know that there are other sisters in Christ that seem to feel the same way. We are right where God planned on us to be it might not have been are plan but it must be his. Thanks for the incerigement, it came when I really needed it!

  50. 100
    Myrna Robbins says:

    Lindsee, thank you for your honesty in sharing your feelings. It is refreshing to hear you are waiting on God’s best for you. Most young girls, no matter the generation had those same dreams. But msny of us did not wait for God’s best. He will exhalt you in due time.

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