The other day I received a notification on facebook inviting me to join a group for my high school ten-year reunion.
Initially, I shuddered.
Before I go any further, I do realize that I am still young and have years ahead of me, God willing, but a ten-year high school reunion seemed light years away when I graduated. So, the fact that it is very much upon us is straight up weird to me. And yes, I just said straight up.
The little red notification box got my mind spinning in all sorts of directions.
One very interesting thing about my generation is that facebook was released the year we graduated. Although I didn’t actually get a facebook account until a couple years later, I’ve essentially had facebook since I graduated.
That means that not a lot is left to my imagination. Since I walked across that stage to accept my diploma, I know who has gotten married, had babies, started their own businesses, traveled the world, moved to a different state, gotten divorced, and even, sadly, passed away. When you graduate in a class of 700, a lot can happen in ten years. I don’t often wonder about my fellow classmates because I see their faces pop up on my news feed.
However, if I’m being really honest, the other direction my mind immediately went was negative.
I’m pretty sure if I dug around enough, somewhere I could find a paper written on what my ten years after graduation would look like. I know without a doubt it included a husband and kids on there, and here we are ten years later, and that’s a far cry from reality.
What is it about having a spouse and kids that make you feel validated in front of others and worthless if you don’t? Oh, the enemy sure is crafty.
Do I know better? I absolutely do. I know from the depths of my soul and heart that a spouse and kids are simply a gift from God, same as having a job, or a ministry. If I put my identity in those things alone, I’m bound to lose my identity at some point.
But the weirdest thing for me is that I was that girl in high school. I was the girl that didn’t date at all, and in my ugly flesh, I wanted things to be different ten years later. But they’re just not. And that’s what rose up in me as I clicked on that notification.
Did it wound my pride just a little? You bet it did.
Because the truth is, inside every grown woman, there’s still a 7th grade girl that wants to be the pursued, adored and chosen one. As girls, we want to feel special and loved. As grown ups, we still have crushes, we just don’t admit and giggle about them like we used to.
This past Tuesday night we launched Bible study! It was an amazing night with an exceptional word. Because of a few jobs I’ve been given for those specific evenings, I am unable to take notes. This note-taker about had a fit when I realized I wouldn’t be putting any pen to paper, but once I got over it, I was able to listen and receive. Although I tend to have an elephant brain, there is still so much I don’t remember. But one thing I know for certain is that not one of the 4,000 ladies could have walked out of there without the faithful truth that we are chosen and loved by God.
That isn’t just a mushy, make you feel good comment, it’s a fresh, biblical reality we all needed to hear.
I would know, because I’m that grown woman who desires to be pursued, chosen and adored. And the truth is, according to 1 Thessalonians 1:4, I already am.
If I could go back, I would have told myself ten years ago that although in ten years life may not look like I dreamed or expected, the way the Lord has engineered my circumstances up until now are better than I could have engineered them. I would have told myself to chill out, that having a husband and children, though a legitimate desire of my heart, doesn’t mean I’ve arrived. I would have told myself that God indeed writes a better story than I can or ever will.
Every time I’ve tried to go after something myself the past ten years, God has thwarted my plan. Every time I’ve tried to hold onto something that wasn’t of Him, He’s snatched it right out of my hands. Every time I’ve pretended to be in control, He’s proven to me that He is faithful, and I’d rather Him be in control, even if I’m perplexed by what He’s doing. Every time I’ve doubted His goodness, I’m reminded that even when circumstances aren’t necessarily good, He is working all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
I don’t know if I’ll attend my ten-year reunion. To be honest, I’m still that insecure high school girl that is waiting to see who ends up going, and then I’ll make my decision. Husband-less. Child-less. I still have a God who’s been exceedingly faithful to me even when I’ve been completely faithless.
It’s been a good ten years.
I’m praying for immeasurably more to the glory of God for the next ten years.
Only the Lord knows what I’ll be writing then.
Hindsight is always 20/20, is it not?
Lindsee, what a pleasant reminder to wait patiently for the Lord! This encouraged me! I’m 26 and not married either, and unfortunately there’s not even the slightest hope of a guy in my future right now. God is teaching me that I don’t need a good man in my life to define me or make me equal to my peers. But it’s hard watching your friends find their “happily ever after”. I feel so left behind. But your words remind me that God is providentially directing my life as He is yours, and that in His time “all things will work together for good, for His glory.” Until then, Jesus will be and remain “my sweet heart!” Bless you for your honesty and encouragement!!!
Lindsee,
I am enjoying getting to know you through this blog! I wish sometimes that I lived in Texas and we could hang out a get coffee.. anyways, I just wanted to encourage you and let you know that I am praying for you. Be thankful for this time that you have to give so much time and energy to the Lord. With marriage and children that time and energy is greatly reduced!
I would encourage you to consider going to your ten year reunion and go being “missional minded”. You probably know those people in your class that are not serving the Lord. Make a point to pray for them and an opportunity to share Jesus with them at the reunion. Think of it as a missions trip of sorts! 🙂 You never know what kinds of seeds you are planting among nonbelievers. And maybe the Lord has used you strategically by keeping you “husband-less and child-less” in this season to be in a place to lead souls to Him!
Mel Ann Sullivan, millry, AL
If any of you lacks wisdom he must ask God who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. Bit if he asks he nuts believe and not doubt because he who doubts is like a wave of the see blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord for he is double-minded and unstable in all he does.
James 1:8 NLT
I felt the same way when I received notice of a ten year,reunion.
Hihh school was not a fun time for me. Thankful for how the Lord walked me,through that time.
Needed this right this moment. Thank you, Lindsee. At 22 years old, just out of college, launching a teaching career, my 10 year reunion still feels ages away, but you put words to the cries of my heart. Every day is a battle to not surrender to the lies as I watch friend after friend get engaged and married and the baby-having is only beginning! I am blessed by your honesty and your ministry. Your post has driven me to the throne of grace to seeking God’s everlasting love and affection.
early this month i had a wonderful mom/son talk w/my 34-yr old single son. his plan for 2013 is to purposefully seek God to help him prepare to meet his soulmate this year. I look forward to meeting her, too. I’ve been praying for her for 34 years.
Thanks for sharing from your heart….know that the LORD is working through you…and that His plans are more wondrous than you can ever, imagine.
Lindsee,
Thank you so much for your words. My 10 year HS reunion has come and gone. I went – both husband-less and child-less. I had a good time getting reacquainted with some old friends. It was a hard time for me in fighting comparison, which I wholeheartedly believe is the thief of joy. I’ve been in this singleness phase for what seems like forever. My friends have moved into the phase of having multiple children and I am still not even close to a husband. It so often feels like I’m 4 phases behind everyone else. That is not truth. Thank you for reminding me of Truth. I’m right on track with what God has for me, just as you are, girl! I also wanted to share a poem that is published in the book Gift Wrapped by God. It’s gotten me through many a lonely night. I wish I knew the author of this poem so I could share that, but I don’t. Here it is:
Waiting
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
The Master gently said, “Child, you must wait!”
“Wait? You say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked and am claiming your Word.
“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.
“And, Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I’ve been asking and this is my cry;
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate.
Once again my Master replied, “You must wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting… for what?”
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.”
“I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
All you seek I could give you and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want – but you wouldn’t know ME.
“You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;
You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
“You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save… (for a start)
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.
“The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.
“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh the loss! if I lost what I’m doing in you!
“So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT.”
Love to you, sister. Keep on loving that great God of ours and telling the world what He is doing for you!
Thank you! beautiful
… so, i’m definitely crying at my work desk! boy, did i need to read this! such a perfect reminder of how faithful our Father is!
WOW this is lovely. Just what I needed. (almost 26yrs married, and still often feel that basic need to be adored, special, or just appreciated some days)
Oh girl, I have been there. I am also the girl who did not date, who still does not date. (This is more the Lord’s decision than mine…I’m holding out for my husband as I have been since I was 16 and serving the Lord with a (usually) grateful heart but I have no idea if the Lord wants me to be a wife/mother or not. Oh, the joys of singleness!)
Anyway, I attended my 10 year reunion last year and I had a lot of the same feelings that you did. There is something weird about being around a TON of people who have ended up with the life you pictured for yourself, but do not have (marriage, babies, etc.) The Lord is faithful though, and if you decide to go, I think He will bless you! It is a great reminder that our identities need not be tied up in these things. It takes God-confidence to know that who you are as a woman in Christ is enough! All these earthly things that identify us in different ways are not what matter. I ended up having a lot of fun with friends that I went with (yes, I made sure I had buddies going b/c who want to go to this stuff alone?), meeting lots of people’s awkward husbands/wives and enjoying some genuine moments with a few people that I really do care about from high school.
Thanks for sharing honestly from your perspective on this blog. I LOVE hearing from another single gal. Let’s face it, most people in women’s ministry are married with children and I think that is fabulous because that is a huge part of the population they serve. But it’s wonderful hear from a single woman’s voice who “gets it.” 🙂 Hugs, love and prayers for you and your life and your ministry! Praying His blessings on you, from a sister in Christ!
One of my goals after college was to remain single and go to my 10-year high school reunion alone! Something about being independent, I guess. So I did that and had lots of fun. I found that after that many years, people are getting more laid back and just enjoy chatting and catching up. And who else can say one of their accomplishments is working with BETH MOORE?!!!
Thank you for this piece. Left high school about ten years ago too and things haven’t turned out the way I envisaged. It is good to know that in whatever may or may not be happening now,God is working out the best. Ours is to follow as he leads us one step at a time.
I was that girl-wanting oh so badly to have a Godly husband to love and honor and serve and some little ones to face the joy and challenge of raising up in God’s kingdom. I saw myself starting all that by the age of 25…which honestly was a couple years later than I would have liked, but I could wait for God if needed. Haha!
I hit my 10 yr high school reunion mark with not the littlest sign of any of my desires happening! Except….a promise. In my early 20’s, God had promised me a family. And I believed Him. And then, He either took away even the smallest desire for any man or He took away all the good men for 5 whole years. Seriously, I had no desire to date anyone. There was not one man that interested me.
Until I met my now husband. The only problem was he lived hundreds of miles away (we met thru his mom whom I went to church with). As our friendship grew through email & phone, and one face to face meeting, my frusteration grew. Here was a guy I was actually interested in and I couldn’t even date him. Arrrggggghhhh!
But God had a plan, and as I hit what would have been my 12 year high school reunion (if such a thing existed), I got married (5 1/2 months ago!). God had a promise for me, and I chose to wait for it because I knew that His plan would far exceed any plan I had ever dreamed of.
Godly husband? Check. A house full of little ones? I’ll let you know when they start coming along 🙂
Lindsee, there is someone special in this world chosen just for you. Until then, go to your reunion! I had my 30th reunion this summer and my bff’s and I decided that we’d go solo as our husbands just don’t enjoy it anyway! We had a ball and they were just as happy!
Lindsee,
This has been a wonderful thread to read. I was on the other side of the coin. I was popular and pursued in HS, married way way way too young, at 18 and stayed married for 25 years to a man who was psychologically unwell. And, I was so young when we met, I didn’t know it. Or, at least didn’t realize the extent of his mental illness until well into our years together and after our sons were born. By the time I realized he was so sick, not only sick, but mean, hateful, hurtful…..it was, in my mind, too late. Our marriage ended eventually, and what seemed like the worst tragedy ever, has turned into a blessing. We really needed to be away from the hurtfulness he inflicted on us. My boys, thankfully, blossomed and are doing well.
You said something that resonated with me, “I’ve been known often to thank God for my singleness and the freedom it brings, for sure. But I never want to get so comfortable with it that I’m selfish with my freedom, you know?” Oh, yes, I do know……
After my divorce I reveled in my singleness, not to date, but to simply “be” and heal and rest and….I loved it so much! Absolutely loved it. BUT, there came a time when I was healed and felt healthy and good and I realized I didn’t want to be alone forever. I wanted to love again. I didn’t want to be so comfortable in my singleness that I cut myself off from another human being entering my life to love, and grow with. So, I prayed. I told God I was ready and open to whatever he had in mind, if he had a man in mind to enter my life, I was ready…..
And, the most wonderful man did. We were both visiting the same woman in the hospital. She told us that it helped her to sleep if we talked. It made her feel like she was surrounded by family. So, we talked. I knitted and we talked some more. That’s how I got to know this man, who he was and see his character in action, caring for our mutual friend selflessly.
I’m 52 now and have had the wonderful gift of falling in love at this age, to a godly man, one who shares my faith, not ridicules it. Who wants the best for me, not just himself.
Your singleness is a gift. You are becoming who you are, without clinging to the “wrong” person too young, without letting another person sway your choices and direction. You are becoming that strong, solid, woman who will be a true gift to the man who enters your life and will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
It has been my opinion for a long time that we don’t “become” who we are until we are about 28. I tell my boys that’s the magic age to at least wait for, before committing to someone. Had I waited, I most like would never have chosen the first man I married too young. It was more of a young girl’s fear of being on her own, than a mature woman’s decision for a life partner.
Lindsee, I look at you and cannot imagine it not happening for you. Thank you for your honesty. Look at how your post has resonated with so many.
Ps139:1 (niv)
O Lord you search me and you know me.
I’m coming up on 25 years out of high school and my life is NOTHING like I thought it would be 25 years ago. It is good and God is SO faithful, but my plans were obviously not God’s plan. To be honest, I still don’t understand at all why He didn’t answer my prayers the way I thought I wanted, but I live by faith that God’s purpose is being worked out. I believe, He needs me to be doing what I am doing and not what I thought I wanted to be doing to bring His kingdom glory. That is my true purpose in life!
Blessings! If you choose to go, I hope it is a wonderful experience for you!
Go to your reunion. You can always leave if you’re not having a good time.
I don’t know what God has in store for you, and it’s sad that society places such a high value on marrying and having children. I married the wrong man because I wasn’t willing to wait on God’s timing. I was 28 and the biological clock was beginning to tick, ever so faintly.
I sometimes wonder what God had in store for me all those years ago, had I not taken matters into my own hands.
Lindsee, you are loved and valued and still so young! One of these days, when you are least expecting it, you may very well meet the man God is preparing for you.
Dear Lindsee, What a wonderful, faith-filled heart that you have. Thank you for sharing. Maybe it was difficult,
but what comfort and faith you gave and then received. The comments are so touching. As Janet Paschal sings, “Just you wait cause He’s never late…just working His plan.” Stay in His Will and walk in His light. Let Him be your Portion!! He’s preparing a windfall of blessing unto you. Isaiah 43:19 (The Message)
Lindsee –
You have blessed my life in so many ways. LOVE your posts and your heart for Jesus. He is using you in MIGHTY ways to teach, even those of us years older than you!
I am praying a special blessing on you today! Keep loving Jesus, sister!
Love you tons from Michigan!
I SO IDENTIFY WITH THIS POST. !!!!! thanks for sharing, lindsee, and for the reminder.
when it feels like all of my friends are married and having their 3rd child, and well-meaning married friends like to tell me that my singleness is a blessing, it’s nice to to be encouraged by someone who is in very similar shoes to mine. thank you, thank you, thank you (:
(10 years…it makes me feel so…OLD! haha)
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Lindsee,
I will be attending my 20yr HS reunion this summer, if all goes as planned. I was not married at my 10yr. reunion, but was about to get engaged. Yes, I felt the same way during those years. All my friends are moving forward with marriage, children, houses. However, I am on the other side of this and it is wonderful, but oh so very hard. Some of your married friends might be a little jealous of your freedom. I would love to be able to just go for exercise or shop without coordinating schedules. Or, getting up 1-2 hours earlier to have your quiet time and then sometimes that can be interrupted when they are really young. I say this only to encourage you. Keep doing what you are doing. And, I will say this(even though I tired of hearing it when I was single) our timing is not God’s timing. It didn’t really help my tears, but friends, prayers, and chocolate help with tears. I had the whole Southeast US praying for a husband for me. I started to get a complex that something was seriously wrong with me:) My marriage is quite rocky now and only holding on by the third cord, God. I hope you go to the reunion and Rock it in a Fabulous Outfit. You never know there may be a connection there….
Hey Lindsee, so much here…I read through 1 Thess. 1 and 2 a couple of times this week, that part stuck out to me too, that I’m loved by God, chosen…I also want to be pursued, adored, and chosen; special to someone, and I’m totally blessed by the fact that He is a Someone, that kind of Someone:) Lindsee, to be truthful, I have thought a bunch about the fact that because I am a wife and a mom, I don’t have all kinds of free time for ministry and missions like I used to, or at least in the same way I used to do ministry and missions before marriage and babies. I have hobbies like painting or drawing or hiking or sewing that I just can’t devote as much time of my day to like I used to. I can’t hang out with friends as much as I used to. I could get all down about that, but I know that to be given a husband and children by that Lord is a wonderful gift indeed, and I think I would be thinking wrongly to wish for anyting different than what the Lord has seen fit to do in my life right thus far…you are on the flip side of that, you’re perspective is from a single woman’s vantage point. You are so beloved by God, Lindsee, and He has brought you here…You are right, He is totally Faithful, and He is able to write a better story for your life and my life than we ever could.((HUGS)) to you Lindsee.
Oops, typo and need to clarify…I think I would be thinking wrongly to wish for anything different than what the Lord has seen fit to do in my life thus far. omit “right” (He does everyting rightly:)
I sure can relate to your post. Time sure flies. I had my 20th high school reunion 3 years ago and guess what? I am the only girl from my class who has never been married and does not have kids. I must admit that at my age it is hard to deal with. I always thought that by 40 I would at least have a husband!! Our plans are not always God’s plans. We must make the best of our situations. Also, we must not let society make us feel inferior. Who said that marriage and kids validates someone? I believe Satan is the father behind that lie. Sure marriage and kids can be great, I am sure..however, it does not define us. If you decide to go to your reunion, have a great time. I went to mine and I am glad that I did…even if I was the ony single one!! We are in good company – Jesus, Paul, etc. 🙂
I don’t usually post although I read this blog weekly, however your words were so honest and beautifully written I had to just say….thank you for sharing with us.
Lindsee,
I can SO relate to what you are saying. At my ten year reunion, I was happily married and happily childless, which my husband and I were completely in agreement about. A year later I became a Christian and the desire to be a mom was birthed in me shortly thereafter. Almost nine years later, my 20 yr reunion was last fall and I’m still childless because my husband hasn’t yet changed his stance on it. I didn’t go because I didn’t want to deal with the questions about kids and the assumptions that it is due to infertility if I didn’t answer them.
I don’t regret not going per se, my closest friends weren’t going either and that made the decision easier. But I do wish I didn’t have the reason that I did, but I know that God will grant the desires of our hearts that He has put there in His timing and in His way. Praying that we both have peace until that glorious day!
Lindsee I know I commented a couple of days ago but I was thinking about your post again today and realized that I wasn’t planning on going to my 10 yr highschool reunion this year because I don’t have a career. Because I’m “just” a wife with two kids. I felt that most likely everyone else has these awesome careers. Isn’t it interesting how the enemy works??
Happen to read this post today..usually I read Beth’s, (sorry deary), but I was drawn here for a need that I have been dealing with, and all of these posts have been my answer. My story is a combination of what has been shared. Was married young (21?) went into it unsure, I had trusted the Lord with many things, but had I done this right?
A difficult transistion for me with a traveling husband, lonely and unsure if I’d WANT to be a mom. Waited a long 8 years to answer it. My faith grew, I studied the word and ‘worked’at marriage, it was very hard. FINALLY I thought, I’d better try this baby thing! My void then was filled with daughters and their lives, I LOVED having babies it turned out, and now I was crazy in love!
They are now wondering, after just finishing college and starting a new life path, these same things, will I marry, what happened to everyone..they have all married!.. and is it over for me…they seem to think already, they have missed it somehow. We have spurratic conversations and I encourage them with the Lord’s promises. Thank you all, young women for your stories, struggles, and triumphs of many kinds, I will be sharing your wonderful lives with them, (and perhap a poem..:p)that the Lord is indeed at work and has plans for them.
The Lord Bless you and keep you each!
Lindsee,
I read this blog from time to time, but I never post. Your message spoke to me so much that I couldn’t not comment. I too am 27-years-old and facing my 10 year HS reunion this year. This post is exactly how I feel after being in almost 10 weddings to date and attending endless baby showers, bachelorette parties, etc. I dated the same man for 10 years who was not right for me and we ended things a year ago. He is now having a baby with another woman. This has been a year for God to teach me it’s okay to be single and wait for the right one with his love and support, but as we both know that is very, very hard. I cry, I stress and wonder if it will ever happen. I have friends who also feel our anxiety, so I know we’re not alone in this sentiment. I was so touched by your ability to speak candidly and share your frustrations, which often no one is willing to do. I pray that all of us will meet the right one in God’s time. Go to the reunion…have fun and remember you are loved and your life is pretty fabulous serving the Lord and working with Beth Moore. Of course, I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but you should be proud of what you have accomplished and know the Lord has a plan for all of us.
Thank you for this post, so often I think that sometimes I am just completely alone in my situation or what I’m facing. Its comforting and encouraging to know that I am not and also how the Lord is working in each of your lives. The Lord is faithful even when I’m not. 2012 was the hard, very hard. With heart break that just kept getting worse at every turn, after I believed I would marry this man. And then there were funerals, countless funerals. And then I had a major job change as well and for a while didn’t have consistent income.
As much as that might sound like a list of complaints it actually is showing me that even though it was a rough year, I’m still here and have been taught many lessons through it all. God provided for me all along the way, whether that may have been financially or with friends and family support, HE always provided for me. Things have changed very drastically from a year and a half ago and although that may hurt a lot sometimes I’m looking forward to see what God has in store.
Thanks,
Rosemary
Karen, Knoxville, Tennessee
“So we fix our eyes on not what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)
Wow… Your article is awesome. I laughed, I cried, laughed some more… Thank you for letting the Lord use you in such an amazing way 🙂
Cathy, Charlottesville VA-2/15
LASB- Psalm 11:4-
“But the Lord is in his Holy Temple; the Lord still rules from heaven. He watches everyone closely, examining every person on earth.”
Juanita – Norfolk
NIV – Psalm 16:2
I said to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”