If you were to ask me what my favorite part about working in ministry is, it wouldn’t take me two seconds to tell you that meeting up with girls one-on-one is easily at the top of my list and is such a delightful privilege. I am a naturally relational person, so I can never get enough face time. These meet ups don’t happen near as often as I’d like, but sweet mercy these girls are busy!
A few weeks ago I got together with one of my regulars (I sound like a barista greeting a customer) and it happened to be just a couple weeks after she and her boyfriend broke up. Typically we start out by shooting the breeze, but I didn’t let one minute pass before I made her spill the every last bean. It goes without saying that she’d been having a hard time and I wanted her to know I was all ears, but I was also hoping I could bring some encouragement to her.
Listen, I may not have an expert advice when it comes to dating relationships, but I’ve lived vicariously through enough of them that I feel like I could write a book.
Ironically, two close friends of mine had also been through recent break-ups, so this topic was very fresh to me.
After she lamented the details of the break-up and the sadness she felt along with the negative thoughts towards him (don’t judge, we’ve all done it), I made her tell me the one thing she missed most about him.
I know, why in the world would I make her rehash such a fresh wound? But, I had a goal in mind.
It took her a minute to come up with the one thing (I only wanted her to tell me one so as to not throw her back into a tizzy), but when she did, she admitted to the fact that she missed being adored by him.
Oh, I so get that. Don’t we all?
What girl doesn’t long to be adored? Chosen? Known? Cherished? Loved? Valued?
When we know what we’re missing, it has the potential to hurt even worse.
After she was able to express what she missed most, I challenged her to get a journal and tell the Lord all these things. I know journaling may come natural to some of us, but if it isn’t routine for you, then this discipline wouldn’t be your first instinct.
If being adored is what she missed most, then why can’t she ask the Lord to reveal to her ways He adores her? And then receive that. And so on and so forth.
I realize it sounds like I’m preaching to the single girls of the blog, but I want you to know first and foremost, I’m preaching to myself. After challenging her to do this, I had to get honest with myself and what I was lacking and ask the Lord to fill that longing with Himself. However, this isn’t just a post for the single, this is a post for you, the reader.
This past Sunday we had a guest preacher and he talked about Immanuel, God with us. It goes without saying that this was appropriate for the Christmas season that is now upon us, whether we’re ready or not. One thing he said that I haven’t stopped thinking about is, “We know the power of “with” because we know what it feels like to be “without”. Amen and amen.
A week ago I sat at a funeral of a man I’ve known since I was little, two days before Thanksgiving. Talk about hard. Although that family has the hope of Christ, it doesn’t take away the sting of moving on in life without him. We know the power of with because we know the power of without.
If I’m being honest, and well, I’ve never learned anything from anybody that had it all together, so I don’t want to pretend that I do, I can tell you that whenever Thanksgiving hits, everything in my flesh wants to have a pity party. It all stems from my selfish desires of not having what I want. Y’all, I’m weak.
However, as I was getting ready the morning of Thanksgiving, and I’m almost certain it was while I was applying my mascara, I heard the Lord whisper in my heart, Lindsee, be thankful for this day. You don’t know what future Thanksgivings hold. Simply put, be thankful for that day, this Thanksgiving and don’t complain about one thing I’m without.
Why? Because I don’t know what the rest of my Thanksgivings will hold. And quite frankly, throwing a fit isn’t going to change anything. I learned that as a little girl when I wanted to rent a movie in the worst way. I threw the biggest fit right there in the middle of Randall’s and walked out empty handed. How am I supposed to enjoy the future if I can’t delight in the present? It may seem like the silliest, most elementary revelation to you, but it did wonders for me. I enjoyed every minute of that day. And it was good.
What do you find yourself lacking? What do you find yourself most longing for? What is something that you miss? I could be wrong, but I think it’s safe to say that the holidays can be some of the most painful days for some, and some of the most joyful days for some.
Maybe it is your singleness. Maybe you’ve just lost a loved one. Maybe your marriage isn’t all roses and sunshine. Maybe your family is falling apart. Maybe you find yourself unemployed. Maybe you feel lost in a big crowd. Maybe you’re lonely. Maybe your health is spiraling out of control.
This I know: He sees you. He hears you. What do you need Him to be? Tell Him. Cry out to Him. Be honest with Him. He knows your longings, as they are never hidden from Him. Ask Him to delight in you along the way, then receive it, however big or small it may seem. He is always mindful of you. You are dearly loved.
How do I know you are loved? Because as I recently heard a gifted teacher say, love sends and comes for you, love initiates, love stays and love sacrifices. God did all of that by sending His one and only son for you. He sent. He came. He sacrificed. And friend, He’s not going anywhere. It’s a promise.
“God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” 1 John 4:9-10
“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Psalm 8:3-4
“Lord, my every desire is known to You; my sighing is not hidden from You.” Psalm 38:9
Printing this and handing it out to my High School small group.
Girl. You. Can. Preach.
Love to u…
Thank you, Lindsee, thank you. This is wise counsel and can be powerful for us all. I’m going to start this today. The timing simply couldn’t have been better. Thank you for throwing this life jacket out to me.
We can easily substitute the word adored for loved in the saying, “We will never be more adored than we already are now”
Thank you. I am part of a very small church plant. I have been for 12+ years. I have seen friends and strangers come and go for a while. I have seen my marriage be set free and my heart healed from the love of Jesus that flows through my church family. But we are lacking so much in our child care and child watch program. I have kids that need scripture and teaching but i do not want to be their teacher on a Sunday…i want to be taught. i am wanting to be adored enough by God for Him to fix my pastor…ha ha….just my flesh speaking brutal truth.
Your post reminded me that the nursery and Sunday school program at my church is not off of God’s radar and I am adored by Him and He pursues me….he understands the loss I feel and that is enough.
Lord help me trust you. Help me!
Lindsee, thanks for posting this today! It spoke wonders to me at exactly the time I needed it to! Bless you!
Kristin
I love you Lindsee. You are spot-on today! Thanks for the encouragement today and everyday!
I struggle with this sometimes because I live alone and have a lot of alone time, so I do get lonely. I wonder where the line is, because God’s grace is sufficient for all our needs, so if I am lonely, does that simply mean I am not trusting or seeking Him enough? And of course I overanalyze it all.
Oh Michele, I have thought this a million times over, and overanalyze as well. And I hear you because I get lonely too! I don’t think we’re alone in this, though. I think even in our seeking and trusting we can get lonely, after all, we are human so we have to give ourselves a little grace. But, it’s what we do with the loneliness and where we take it that matters. I don’t know if that even helps or makes sense. I’m just thinking out loud! You are so loved here.
I can definitely relate to the loneliness you mention. This time of year is usually the most difficult for me. I’m trying hard to have a different perspective this year. I even decided to put up a tree in my home for the first time since I’ve been here (9 years). I’m so glad I did. I’m sure I’ll have my moments, but right now I feel ok.
Michelle, girlfriend I live in a house busting at the seams with people and I STILL get lonely. And I wonder the very same thing that you do…is it because I am not trusting the Lord? Is it because I am trying to find my fulfillment outside of Him?
Girl, I am lifting you up in prayer tonight.
Thanks,
I was a few paragraphs in when I realized this was for me. My sister-in-law died 6 months ago today. She was the 1st to share Jesus with me and mentored me when I became a Christian. I miss her dearly, but am so thankful I have a Father in Heaven that sees me and knows what I need, before I do.
Janine, I am so sorry about your sister-in-law, but so grateful for the legacy she left and the way she shared Jesus with you and mentored you. What a priceless gift! Blessings to you.
Lindsee,
This was absolutely amazing!! A word I so badly needed to hear! I am 27 and single and it is HARD!! Patience isn’t my strong suit. Anyways, thank you for your precious advice and wisdom. I can’t wait to go home after work, throw on some comfy sweats and journal my little heart out!!
Praying for you!! XoXo
Could you please update the front page of this site with sweet Lindsey’s face as a contributor to our blog…
As I read her life story I would love to pray over a lovely face and rejoice in her growth.
Thanks 🙂
Oh yes, please update!
I was so blessed by this Lindsee! Thanks for sharing.
Lindsee-this was so well put and beautifully written, and could not have been written at a better time for me. Sometimes the Lord knows when you need to hear something. I haven’t checked the blog in awhile and had a few minutes at work today to just catch up. This little gem just smacked me in the face, as I had a brutal conversation with my sister on this issue. I’ve been alone for a long time now and it sometimes physically hurts, not just as an ache. She challenged me to lay it before the Lord, which is so necessary, and He used you to solidify it for me today. Thank you for that.:)
Lindsee – what a wonderful post. What a wonderful gift you have of sharing God’s heart and your heart through the avenue of words. I’ll be the first one – if and when the Lord ever directs you to write a book – to stand in line to buy it. In the meantime, I’m relishing what God pours through you on this here blog.
Holidays – as much as I adore them – the sights, the sounds, the smells, the tastes, all the memory-making; are also laced with sadness (if I choose to focus on it; which I try not to) because while I may be Warm in Alaska, I am Warm and Without Immediate Family In Alaska.
Except, of course, for the birds in my own dear nest.
But I miss getting to be the fawning sister, the adoring aunt, the devoted daughter. So, I just try to keep my mind on the straight and narrow (b/c a pity party with eggnog is still a pity party) and reach out to the people where I live who need that sister’s touch, the aunt’s joy, the daughter’s care – and let Jesus use me Right. Here.
So much to do, best go. Thanks for your words. And I’m sure you’d making a smashingly great barista ~
Dear Lindsee,
This time of year brings this out in all of us. We are mindful of the loved ones now celebrating thier second lie in Heaven while we are missing them so much. I long to have grandkids. All the ladies talk often about thier pricless grandkids and my kids never married. Every year that goes by it looks more and more likely I will never have any grandkids. I get my grandkid fix by teaching 5 preschoolers every Sunday.
This is where God wants us at this time in our lives and being content in this is not always easy when it is natural to pine for what you do not have.
We are all prone to throw fits at this time of year and even more often as the holidays get closer and our schedules start filling up.
Bless you Lindsee! I have a Christian son who works in the great outdoors climbing poles in oil country here in Dakota country and he would love to marry and have a family but so far it has not happened for him either but he is going on in life knowing he is in God’s will for the moment. That is all we are granted in life anyway! I have a daughter working on her masters degree and she just turned 40 and has no prospects of marriage in her near future either but again waiting on God and His will!
Love across miles!
Betty
I so needed this word today! I am 39 years old and single and frankley the holidays are hard for me. I have not been praying as I should and haven’t been in the word as I should either. He’s what I’m craving and this word is what I needed spoken into my heart today. Much love to you!
Thank you! It was the reminder I needed today.
Amen. Girl, you can preach!
Hi Beth, I just finished reading “so long insecurity”. thank you for writing that book. there is much in there that I need to let God use to change my heart. to soak in the fact that just because I was touched inappropriately as a youth does not mean I have to let the insecurity from that dominate my life anymore. the wrong messages that I have believed all these years are not true and I can throw them away. God has true messages for me that I can count on and live by. thank you too for the message above. I am single (again) and lonely. it helped when you wrote “love sends and comes for ME, love initiates, love stays and love sacrifices.” you have a gift for writing to the heart of women and touching us in ways that we need the touch of Jesus. healing and tenderness. love in its true form. thank you, Beth.
Alisha Turner
Blessed by this! Thank you so much 🙂
Thank you so much for these encouraging words. I have been praying and searching for the right words for my daughter. She is in college and recently broke up with her boyfriend of five years. It has been difficult, but I look forward to sharing this message with her when she is home for Christmas.
Your thoughts remind me of John Piper’s, The Dangerous Duty of Delight. For me, the realization and then the experienced reality of how much God delights in me and how delighted He makes me has been so life changing. Rejoicing with you that you have had influence in this young lady’s life and for the wisdom and truth you’ve shared with us here!
Great post Lindsee! This really hit home for me. I’m 29, single and recently lost my mother very unexpectedly. She was a strong believer and is certainly rejoicing in heaven with the Lord now! But we were super close and this is my first experience with grief in my entire life. My older siblings are married and “done” having their children (3 each). I am now facing the rest of my life knowing that whatever the Lord plans for me, my mother won’t be here for it. It is the deepest sorrow I have ever known. I am clinging to my hope in the Lord like never before. Thanks for the encouragement through your post. Much love from a sister in Christ.
Laura, I am so sorry. Praying the Lord reveals Himself to you specifically this week in a way you know that could only be Him. Much love right back to you, Sister!
Laura, I have written your name down and will be praying for you these next few weeks- for you to feel so loved and cherished by Jesus and for Him to bring you such peace, comfort, and joy during these difficult days. He sees you and knows your heart.
And Lindsee, loved this post- I had very similar feelings waking up on Thanksgiving morning and God was so faithful to provide His presence during a more lonely and quieter day than usual. Thanks again for sharing 🙂
I’m 64…..thank you is not enough!
Wow! Thanks for so beautifully sharing your heart, Lindsee! I love Psalm 8:3-4! We’re never alone in our feeling of aloneness! And we’re always on God’s mind. He’s crazy about us! Don’t you love that?
Lindsee,
Thank you so much for posting this. This is exactly what I needed to hear this season! As someone who is pushing 30 and also single, it is so refreshing to hear spiritual wisdom from another Christian woman who understands the loneliness that singleness can bring. This is something that I feel is really lacking in the Christian realm. I really appreciate your honesty and your encouragement. God bless!
Thank you so much for this. I soooooo needed this today. I was just about to send out invites to my pity party & for no reason other than I just feel down on myself because I feel I can’t do anything right! Boy do I ever let satan get a foothold on me!!
Thanks again, I am always blessed by your posts 🙂
timing… timing… timing… Oh, I know others have said this, but seriously. My boyfriend and I are not doing well, and he is deciding on whether or not we will be working through more things. At almost 30 years old, I am just weary on so many levels. My relationship with God is only barely starting to improve, so it feels so cruel to me. Thanksgiving with my family was so awful this year… the holidays have turned into dread. This has helped more than I can say. Just a glimmer of hope. And more desperate prayers lifted.
Thanks for writing this, Lindsee!
The timing on this was absolutely divine providence for me – and as I can see, many others! 🙂 Sometimes loneliness can get the best of me (especially lately). God’s been working in me, though, and I am so thankful for little encouragements like these that He uses to help me. Thank you Jesus!
Lindsee, thank YOU for being such a faithful servant and writing this post. I know this post was written for me in this moment. I finished the post and instantly knew that was just what I was longing for – to feel the ways in which He adores me and delights in me. It’s so easy to hear it when other people tell us that He loves us and adores us. But do we REALLY believe it? Do we feel it? That is what I want – to feel it, to know it deep down in my bones. Thank you 🙂
I love how God’s Word can hit home with so many different people in all different circumstances. The Lord has been revealing to me that I need to simplify my life and be content. Your words were just what I needed to hear. God bless you and your ministry!
Lindsee,
Your heart (and singing-voice:)) are so beautiful to see from afar! I had tears streaming down my face before I was halfway through this, in deep joy as I receive again the reality that our Faithful Father knows the message we need to hear, when we need to hear it to relinquish the mental resistance to full surrender. So good. Love you, girl. This was truly AWEsome.
Leisel, thank you for your sweet words. It’s been fun seeing you from afar as well! You are such an encourager and a joy!
Thank you for your words very well expressed, Lindsey. And I think pouring your heart out to God through journaling does help (though I don’t do this enough).
I, too, am single and struggle with loneliness at times like some of the siestas previously wrote. Sometimes I have “major bouts” with it. Recently I came across this quote: “Uneasy is the heart until it rests in Thee.” (St. Augastine) That sounds so right and I do love those times where I’m resting contently in the arms of God. But I also know we are not meant to be alone, that we are made for relationships with others. But if it’s not there when I need it … it can get so hard! I told God recently that I will be glad when I am in heaven so I won’t have to deal with this loneliness anymore … it never seems to get easier.
Lindsee,
You have moved me beyond words. I am in the midst of the darkest days of my life, but I am determined to not let the enemy have the victory over this. John 10:10 has never been more real to me as it has this past year.
Thank you for reminding me that even in darkness, He is my light, even though lonely, I am not alone, even though no longer feeling adored, He adores me today, tomorrow and for all eternity.
Bless you, Lindsee!!
Yes, He does Peggy. Although I don’t know what dark days you are facing, I am asking the Lord right now to lift some of that darkness today and give you a little bit of sunshine. You are loved!
OK, so I just HAVE to share this with you all!!! The year of our wedding I got a chain email about a little old man and his wife and this game that they used to play SHMILY. No one knew what the letters meant, but they knew that the couple would leave them around the house for each other to find, in the flour canister, on the last square of toilet paper, written in the fog on the bathroom mirror after a shower, you name it they would leave it for the other one to find. When the old woman died the ribbon over her casket read SHMILY. And as the old man stood next to her at the end of her days he sang a song over her body explaining the meaning of the letters. See How Much I Love You. (The song was way better than just that, but I’m trying to give you the Reader’s Digest version.)
When I got married, my husband and I decided to adopt this tradition with each other. I’ve come out to my car with the front windshield fully scraped and my rear window frosted over still with SHMILY written in it backwards so that I could see it in the rear-view mirror! He’s left it for me on my meal planning notebook halfway through the notebook… it took me a year to find it! I only know that because he had the presence of mind to date it! 🙂
But now, I have a similar “game” with Jesus. One morning I was pressed for time for my devotions so I did a little Bible roulette and opened my Bible to a “random” page. I ended up in the Psalms where I read “Show me Your love in wonderous ways, O Lord.” and that thought just struck me. I prayed so fervently that morning, “Lord, I know that you show me You love me all the time. But many times I miss it. Today, will you show me Your love in a wonderous way?”
I was having a yard sale that day so once my prayer time was over I was off and running, no time for breakfast even! Around ten I grabbed an apple out the fridge and when I bit into it there were THE most beautiful pink swirls in this apple!!! I’d never seen anything like it before or since! I was so amazed and awestruck! God had answered my prayer! It was certainly wonderous! I ate that apple with such gusto just ooohing and aaaahing over those pink swirls, I showed absolutely everyone that would look at them. Just as the apple was basically finished my husband walked past me towards the front door and I stopped him to look at the wonderful thing God had done in this apple. When I went to take another bite, right there staring me in the face was a HEART made out of those pink swirls. I’m not even kidding you!!! I even took a picture, it used to be on my blog, but doesn’t seem to be working today. After that I started noticing hearts and even smiley faces all over the place! Once I walked past the kitchen sink and when I glanced over at it there was a face smiling back at me from the bubbles in a dish that was soaking…and then it popped and was gone. Another time I went to step out onto my back porch and there was a smiley face made from a curved twig, a small leaf and one of the nails in the deck WINKING at me even! I have so many pictures of smiley faces made out of random every day things!
When I shared this story with my small group my friend Jennifer’s eyes were opened and she started seeing hearts everywhere! She gets at least one heart every day. Today her heart was on the side of a cement truck! That’s a new one! 🙂
My point in sharing all this, in case you were wondering, is how desperately God adores you. And if you’re willing to ask Him to show you His love in wonderous ways, He is MORE than willing to do it! He is desperate for you, did you know that? He really is. 🙂
Lindsee, this was a timely challenge. I am happily married, with kids….and still, and still there are dreams the loss of which I mourn. Must be part of the human condition. It’s tough when you discover that your kids are not mini- mes but the people God created them to be. My dangerously tender ego (studying Esther with Beth right now) needs some healing. Praise God that he knows and sees the desires of my heart and longs to minister to me there. The journalling has begun!
P.S. On the Esther theme, have you seen that Cyrus the Great’s famous ancient scroll proclaiming religious freedom is on it’s way to the USA on loan form the British Museum? I squealed when I saw it on the news.
Amen, Lindsee, Amen
I love when you wrote, “How am I supposed to enjoy the future if I can’t delight in the present?” That thought really struck me as God is taking me through some healing of hurts and pain that I struggle with this time of year. He is doing a great work in that area this week, and that thought, as well as the entire peace is very timely for me. Thank you for your obedience to write truthfully.
Good Job Lindsee, This has been a blessing to me today.
Thank you… this blessed me. God’s been showing me this very thing to me lately and you just reaffirmed it! I need all the reminders I can get!
Lindsee,
It is refreshing to hear a single woman’s view point. I have been single all my life and let’s just say I am 40+. I believe our married friends forget what it is like to be single. I also believe the advice you gave to your friend is key for us, married or single. Our God wants us to know we are loved, adored, chosen, cared for and sought after. No relationship, marriage included, will not fill the gap that only God can. Thanks for speaking truth and may God bless you today.
This post spoke to me in a big way! I’ve been distracted from some of the joy of the holidays because I’m single. Thank you for your wise advise and for helping me to refocus on what is truly important.
Lindsee,
As soon as I read your post my first thought was, God must be preparing an incredible Godly man for this woman. It is taking longer because God is making him extra special for you.
Love your posts! Keep them coming!
Thank you so very much for this. I can second that even if your home is bursting at the seams, loneliness can still reside. Every year I dread the holidays…thank you for reminding me that God is waiting to fill those places where my heart aches and bring joy to not only the holidays…but every day.
Blessings Lindsee.
Lindsee, I get you! thanks for talking from your heart, and being so down to earth and real for some of us that are not philosiphers, or deep thinkers. thanks for the post.
Beautiful. Thank you
Awesome stuff! I have 3 girls I mentor who are all single and this will definitely mister to their souls and it reminds me of that time WAAAAAAY back when I was single and helps me to relate better where they are at! AND it was a great reminder for me about WHO I AM IN CHRIST!!! And I needed that today! Cherished, Loved, PURSUED, WORTHY, ENOUGH, just as I am, for HIM! Thank you for this!!
I have not liked myself this morning and when I came to work and read this. WOW! Thank you Lord for using Lindsee to remind me who I am to you! And, help me today to make someone feel adored! I love all of you and would love to meet you all! You and Beth and the staff have blest me so much!
Beautiful, Lindsee!
Amazing words! Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for letting God use you in such a might way!
Thank You Lindsee, Very encouraging!