Hey, You Darling Things! I’ve thought about you a billion times!
I have finally had enough of a break to tackle pulling my thoughts together and telling you a little of the story that led up to surgery. Because, you know your Siesta Mama. There is ALWAYS a story. I don’t do a danged thing without drama.
I was all ready to write you this post several days ago and we got some hard news about the diagnosis of a young, tremendously loved pastor in the DFW area that sent a whole lot of us for a loop. I never could pull it together that day. I would have traded my outcome for his in a heartbeat but that’s not the way it works. I also well know that God has every intention of showing Himself mighty and all glorious in this family’s life and in the lives of all who love them and have committed to sit like watchmen of the wall in their behalf.
There is no way I can emphasize strongly enough that the outcome of the story I am about to share with you has nothing to do with God’s extravagant love for me, the right kind of praying, or the fact that “He’s not finished with me yet.” He loves us all extravagantly, whatever the outcome of medical tests. He does not play favorites. He hears each desperate cry and esteems the groanings of our souls. He doesn’t let our lives be touched or even ravaged by disease because we didn’t get our words exactly right or because we yelped, “Help my unbelief!” He’s not a mean, distant God playing Monopoly with human lives. And He’s not finished with a single one of us or we wouldn’t be drawing terrestrial air into our lungs and coursing our eyes over words on a computer screen. The fact is, He has a sovereign plan that is for good and not evil and He is writing a story of on-going redemption with each of our lives. Our lives are woven together through seasons. It’s one person’s season to experience this. And another person’s season to experience that. Neither is loved more. Neither is more dispensible.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (KJV)
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 sums up the segment in a few simple, powerful words:
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time.
His time. His time. His time. HIS TIME.
It was not my season or His time for me to walk the road of cancer treatment. But, make no mistake. God went WAY out of His way to increase my awakenness to that road from a very personal vantage point. Cancer is so widespread that it has not been a stranger to any of us. Many of us are well acquainted with it through the journey of very close loved ones. I never missed one of my mom’s rounds of chemo-therapy and, like each of my brothers and sisters, was right by her side when that journey ended and gave way to eternity. Like you, I’ve also stood alongside good friends in treatment, many of whom God raised back to their feet with a fresh anointing. Countless times I’ve received letters from those I’ve never seen face-to-face who chose to walk faithfully with God through His Word amid an ordeal they could neither understand…nor perhaps survive. In all my years in women’s ministry, these have been the pieces of correspondence I’ve most highly esteemed: women who have studied and sought God faithfully, as much as that day’s condition would allow, all the way Home. OR, unimaginably, to their child’s final Home. Even long before my recent ordeal, I respected no one more than these.
Here is how I happened to brush coattails with a few of them:
Three years ago, amid blood tests for other much less threatening maladies, I had a result come back that raised my regular doctor’s eyebrows. Since that test is notorious for false-positives, he told me not to be alarmed but, nonetheless, to let a specialist check it out. I did and was told, after testing, that I had no coinciding malignancy that they could find and to just have my regular doctor keep an eye on it.
He did. The count remained elevated and then began creeping up. I’d been having my annual women’s exam with his physician’s assistant, a gentle spirited, smart woman I find less unnerving. In August, the doctor overseeing the exams said, “Beth, I still don’t like what those test results are doing. I just want you to be in the hands of a really good OB-GYN.” He sent me to a well-respected woman doctor that I was crazy about. She is my most recent hero. She is a fellow lover of Scripture and seeker of Christ. She determined to approach my situation entirely from scratch, repeating every single test, to see what turned up. Suddenly, in October the blood test indicator they’d been watching more than doubled in number and she called my cell. She was completely calm but I had well-remembered what the specialist had told me three years earlier, “Now, when it starts doubling, we start getting worried.”
Over the next week, I had biopsies, MRI’s, ultrasounds, etc. The end result was abnormalities in the ovaries with relatively small growths on each. One side hosted a simple cyst and they were unalarmed by it. The other side was more suspect. In my new GYN’s wise determination, she sent me straightaway to a highly esteemed gynecological oncologist in Houston’s world famous medical center. She contacted the doctor herself and was kind enough to make my appointment for me, saying, “Beth, this is who I would go to if I were in exactly your same situation.”
Before Keith and I knew it, we were walking through the glass doors of M.D. Anderson’s department of gynecological oncology. (The name of the facility might mean little to you but it speaks scary volumes to anyone familiar with our great medical center.) To say it was sobering for this couple of 31 years is an understatement. You know I’m drawn like a magnet to women, though. In no time at all, I got distracted by the others. I stared at every woman in that waiting room, wondering about her story and wishing I could say something to minister to her. I texted my staff to pray for them. Of course, right about then, I was in their same exact shoes and I don’t doubt some of them were having similar thoughts toward Keith and me.
Finally, my name was called and I got my vitals taken and they needed to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. Lord have mercy. Talk about a scary diagnosis! For just a few seconds it wildly amused me then I got taken to the examining room and left all alone with my thoughts for a while. There I was, on the examining table under a paper sheet and my Scripture spiral. I was shocked by the sight of my new doctor. She was, or at least she looked, slightly under 40, had long brown hair, sparkling blue eyes, and darling. Keith quipped later, “Your surgeon is ten.” We both laughed. “Our surgeon is one of the best in the entire medical center,” I said. “Even if she’s ten.”
While on that examining table, I said, “I feel like all of this is going to be perfectly fine. I think God’s just forcing me to have a much needed ______________________(I still can’t say the word in mixed company. It starts with an “H” and rhymes a tad with tonsillectomy). I’m not looking for trouble here. I’ve got enough drama in my life without this. I’m sure this will be fine. Don’t you think?”
She very graciously replied, “I’ll tell you what I think. I think I’d like for you to get dressed and meet me in my office and let’s talk.”
WHOA.
That was really the first moment I thought something really might be up. I did as she said and sat right at that table in her office with the plastic model of women’s organs on it and a box of Kleenex.
WOW.
And I thought of all of you. Of so many women who have taken those exact steps. Who have also waited at a doctor’s table with a box of Kleenex on it.
A nurse stuck her head in and asked if I wanted her to call in my husband. I am so embarrassed to tell you that I didn’t. From the look of the plastic model on the table, clearly we were about to talk about unmentionables and I am really modest…and, yes, in front of my husband. What if they ended up asking me if I was having anything that felt like gas pain? I’d be forced to say, “NO! NEVER! NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! NOT ONCE.”
About 20 minutes later, she and her resident sat down at the table where I’d just been sitting quietly before the Lord and reading every single thing in eyeshot in her office. (I have a terrible habit of doing that. If it’s out in plain sight, it’s game. I can’t even help myself. I’m a rabid reader. And let’s not talk about nosey.) She went through four possible outcomes for me, drawing diagrams with a blue ink pen as she went.
At one point, she put her elbow on the table, leaned across at me, and said, “Mrs. Moore, I think we’re going to come away from this with a good outcome but I will also tell you that you need to be here and you are in the right place.” She told me I’d have to have a complete you-know-what then explained, “While you are under anesthesia, I will literally send each piece of tissue off to pathology and wait on results then proceed accordingly.”
And that’s what we did. On December 7th Keith and Amanda checked me into the world renown M.D. Anderson Cancer Hospital for surgery with an oncology team toward a “Possible Staging for Ovarian Cancer.” While I was on the table, they ran into a few complications and had to call another surgeon in on it to check another part of the body (and if you think I’m going to name it, you are out of your ever-loving mind.) Over the course of the next several hours, one by one, the pathology reports came back benign. There is no possible way I can express my gratitude to God for His purposed will for this time, although He would have been (LISTEN TO THIS CAREFULLY!) just as faithful and just as loving and good if I would have turned out with Stage 4. That could as easily happen the next go-round as it happened to some of you dear Siestas the last go-round. I’m not saying that to make you feel better. It is what I believe to the core of my soul.
I’m 52 years old and called to a life of women’s ministry. God has gone to many lengths to allow and appoint me to experiences common to women. I endured the same kind of troubled childhoods as many of you. I’ve been abused, oppressed, and scared to death. I attended three different high schools and battled the same kinds of adolescent ups and downs as most of you. I’ve been a help and a hypocrite. Smart and almost too stupid to live. I got news just weeks away from marriage that I would not be able to conceive children without medical intervention. I had to tell my Catholic husband-to-be that I might not be able to have children. Then, I experienced what it was like to have a big surprise pregnancy one month into marriage. Then crawl aboard the roller coaster of a lifetime.
I know what it’s like to have severe marital problems and to sink into defeat and despair. I know what it’s like to be told after a terrible ordeal years ago that I was suffering from depression and to be under a doctor’s care for it for a year. (No, I will not get into matters of medication versus no-medication here on the blog. After serious prayer, those conversations should be had with the experts and the course each should take is based on her own unique conditions.) I know what it’s like to have a troubled child and to be on speed dial with the school. I know what it’s like to let a child go. To feel like a total failure. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. God has called me, and so many others in women’s ministry, to experience a broad spectrum of women’s issues so I can grow more equipped to do His will toward those I serve. And it is my privilege.
I had the honor of being in M.D. Anderson Cancer Hospital from Monday to Thursday of that wild week and to meet some of the most honorable people I’ve ever encountered. Those nurses up on that floor feel
called
to be there in every sense of the word. I couldn’t tell how many of them were Christians since they hold their cards pretty tight and take care of all their patients as if each is the most important one, regardless of belief system. I can tell you, however, that whether or not they believed in Christ, they were His hands. Many of us can’t imagine facing people day in and day out suffering from various stages of cancer yet these nurses testified to being “drawn” to it. They were there because they wanted to be there. As far as I know, I was the only one on our entire wing of the floor with a completely benign report. When my veins collapsed, someone was summoned from the “IV team” of the hospital and the first thing she did when she came in my room was look among the bags hanging from the rod for what kind of chemo I was on. “I’m not on one,” I said.
I began to realize at that time just how unusual my situation was, in that particular hospital or, at the very least, on that floor. I knew – and I know – that God caused me to visit that hospital for specific reasons. It may take me months to discover all of them. This I know: I am not the same. We have been scared, sobered, and shaken out of slumber. I have prayed and cried and interceded for the others multiple times and lifted every doctor’s name and every nurse’s name before the Lord over and over. You will grin to know that, right before I left, I took my spiral index cards from our Scripture memory team and prayed my verses silently outside each room on my wing.
When I went back for my first check up yesterday (still can’t drive, have to ask someone to do something for me constantly!), I went down to the chapel to see if I could speak to the chaplain. I didn’t find her but I did kneel at that altar and pray for the others. And for that hospital. To see it, not as a place for cancer but, as a place of healing. And only God can truly heal. Needless to say, it is a secular institution and everyone is treated with dignity and the best of medical care but God went out of His way to show me that Christ was right there, walking up and down those halls. Several really wild things happened to me as reminders. One was at pre-op on Friday when my blood was taken in a tiny little cubicle with a dentist-type chair in it and a thin shower curtain pulled around it. Right before me on the wall was a simple piece of printer paper taped to the wall with the most powerful prayer for healing in Jesus’ Name I’ve about ever seen in my entire life. I was so astonished, I didn’t know what to do. I tried to talk to the technician about it but she remained silent. Maybe she wasn’t the one who posted it. Or maybe she was, but protocol insisted upon nothing more than that. I have no idea but it was huge to me. Gratitude and hope filled my heart. I knew Christ was there and I knew He loved every person in that facility whether they regarded Him or not.
(That was the morning of Deeper Still in OKC. By the way, you guys had NO IDEA what you were really praying healing over me for on Saturday afternoon. It was for much more than my herniated disk! I was stunned at the way God orchestrated that and I assure you that the moment wasn’t wasted on me).
I could go on and on with this – and have for too long already – but I’ll wrap up with one last thing. After such a great report, Amanda and Keith could not wait to come in and see their healthy patient. They waited for hours after surgery to finally come in and see me and, by the time they got there, I’d been out for five hours. Instead of finding Miss Perky, I was as sick as a dog. I cannot remember ever feeling as badly as I did the first forty-eight hours after surgery. I just had a bad reaction to the general, I suppose. I was so nauseated, I could not lift my head but my system was too empty for any kind of relief. Amanda said it looked like I’d been resuscitated from the dead about five minutes earlier. Anyway, by the time I really began to wake up and have clear thoughts, still sick as a dog, a nurse walked into my hospital room and over to the dry erase marker board across from my bed. She grabbed one of the markers and said, “These are your nurses for today.” And, to Amanda’s and my complete astonishment, this is what she wrote on the board:
Nurse: Grace
Nurse’s assistant: Mercy
At that moment, I knew I wasn’t just there to meet with an oncologist. I was there to meet with God.
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16
He’s too much, isn’t He?
Could you use a little comic relief? See all those numbers below the nurses’ names? Those are calculations of my “output.” This is a tad uncomfortable for someone so modest to capitalize on but, in my family, we’re willing to throw ourselves and each other under the bus any old day if it gets a laugh. Leave it to my man to get totally into the numbers. NO, I did NOT let him ever empty the measuring bowl in the tiny bathroom but, much to my embarrassment, had to report it each time so it could be recorded. Keith loved it. You can obvious see that I really had to go the first time and he was so proud of me. What you can’t see on the marker board is his running commentary from then on. He wrote stuff like, “Two measly ounces,” and “Way to go!” and…well, I better stop there. I’ve told you before that he’s the colorful type. Amid throwing up, Amanda, Keith and I had some really funny moments when I nearly laughed my stitches out. Maybe another post. Or MAYBE you’ve just about had it with this one!
OK, I’m finishing up! I’ll shut up after this summation. In the aftermath of our ordeal, people have asked me over and over again how I felt it would come out and I told them what I’ll tell you: I just did not know. One day I’d think my daily Bible reading indicated that I would be spared from a malignancy. The next day I’d think I only had two weeks to live. I quit trying to read Scripture like a crystal ball and, instead, just entrusted myself to God for His perfect will and felt peace either way. I have said to Him over and over in matters concerning my loved ones, “Deliver us from everything but Your glory, Lord.” That’s what I asked this time, too. “Deliver us from evil, Lord, and from temptation but do not deliver us from Your prized glory.”
I have walked with God long enough to know that it may have been as much His will for me to enter into a road of common suffering as to come out of that surgery without cancer. He would choose whatever brought Him the most glory and me and those around me the most good. My family went through so much during the several months leading up to surgery. No matter how you slice it, it was scary. You don’t get handed over to an oncologist and take it lightly even if the doctor tells you that she really does think it will turn out okay. These are sobering matters.
We are the better for this. Easy for us to say, you might be thinking. I won’t be going to chemo next week. But I promise you this: I would if I’d had to and, Lord help me, with my Bible in tow. I won’t just lapse into business as usual. I will not let this experience be wasted on me. And, if, on some future date, my news is very different, so many of you will have been my inspiration.
I love you dearly and thank you for caring.
Thanks for telling your story…I just read Karen Kingsbury's story about her husband's strokes, an amazing and miraculous story. Funny thing, she needed a security escort out to her car late one night after visiting him in the hospital. She said, "God sent me a West African man named Courage." Beautiful…and reminded me of your nurses Grace and Mercy:)
On Nov. 3, 2009, I had a routine hysterectomy done laproscopically for fibroid tumors. Because of the size of the tumors, my doctor morcillated (cut up) my uterus to avoid cutting me and prolonging my recovery. Later, we found out that one of the tumors was a rare, aggressive form of cancer. At this point, it had been diced up in my abdomen creating "spillage" of cancer cells. I also (through the grace of God) found myself at MD Anderson for an appt on 12/8/09. What an amazing place! I have since been undergoing an intense treatment of chemotherapy. While my doctors are not very optimistic here, my GOD is good! He reminds me daily that he has this. He has shown me such love and mercy and has given me such strength that I didn't know I had. I am 41 years old, a wife and a lucky Mother of an 8-yr old boy. I have experienced such love and grace during this journey. I praise God for every step and every day. I can hardly wait to see what He has planned for me. Much love and understanding to you, Beth. You're right, no matter the diagnosis, He is in control and loves us all equally! Thank you for sharing your story,
Michelle
Chattanooga, TN
On Nov. 3, 2009, I had a routine hysterectomy done laproscopically for fibroid tumors. Because of the size of the tumors, my doctor morcillated (cut up) my uterus to avoid cutting me and prolonging my recovery. Later, we found out that one of the tumors was a rare, aggressive form of cancer. At this point, it had been diced up in my abdomen creating "spillage" of cancer cells. I also (through the grace of God) found myself at MD Anderson for an appt on 12/8/09. What an amazing place! I have since been undergoing an intense treatment of chemotherapy. While my doctors are not very optimistic here, my GOD is good! He reminds me daily that he has this. He has shown me such love and mercy and has given me such strength that I didn't know I had. I am 41 years old, a wife and a lucky Mother of an 8-yr old boy. I have experienced such love and grace during this journey. I praise God for every step and every day. I can hardly wait to see what He has planned for me. Much love and understanding to you, Beth. You're right, no matter the diagnosis, He is in control and loves us all equally! Thank you for sharing your story,
Michelle
Beth,
“Thank God for walking alongside you through this trial. You truly are an inspiration and you shared your story to encourage each of us ladies to seek God in every aspect of our lives especially when are health is threatened. I also experienced emergency surgery on December 3rd, 2009 for a ruptured appendix at age 47yr, I had complications and remained in the hospital 5 days with peritonitis and another three weeks of antibiotics…God has a way of getting our attention! He certainly had a sense of humor with you & your Nurse’s Grace & Mercy.
I am a nurse so it was difficult to be the patient, but more difficult was bein dependent on others (I can be dependent on God…we all know He’s the Only One…)when as a wife. mother, nurturer, we as women are the caregivers. It requires much more to allow someone to care for you especially when yo’re an independent woman.
Love ya & Glad Your Well…
Patsy
Muy buen artículo! Me gustó leerlo y me sirvió, muchas gracias. En el caso de que sea tu interés, yo tengo un sitio con mucha información sobre Reducir Abdomen.
Dearest Beth, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am 43 years old and just had to undergo a complete hysterectomy last Tuesday and, by the GRACE of God, I am doing very well. In October last year, I had to have an emergency appendectomy but my surgeon was baffled because my appendix appeared normal when he removed it but every symptom pointed to appendicitis. However, my pathology report came back that my appendix was covered with endometriosis and it had infiltrated the muscle wall. I was immediately referred to my OB-GYN who did a diagnostic laproscopy in March. He was very concerned that if it had infiltrated my appendix that it could possibly be on my bowel/intestines. Praise God, it wasn’t on my bowel/intestines but my ovaries and uterus were completely covered so next… complete hysterectomy. I had my follow-up appointment yesterday and found out that everything was benign.. SINGING PRAISES!! I have learned from my past experiences, especially after losing my wonderful husband 4 years ago to brain cancer, never to ask “Why me?” because I fully trust in Him and know that there is a reason. For me, during my recovery time at home, I found so much peace and comfort in my Bible studies that I did (BTW- one of them is your Daniel study we’re doing at my church on Wednesday evenings – AWESOME study!!) and continue to do during this time. I truly know in my heart that He needed me to just “be still and know that He is God” and He is in control. As a single mom of two beautiful young girls, I do not always make the time for Him as I need to do. He drew me in very close to Him during my surgery and recovery time and truly showed me what I’d been missing!! He also has brought women into my life who have also experienced this early “change” in life and now to know that one of my spiritual mentors, YOU, has also gone through this and the other changes to come with it, brings me great peace and comfort because I know I am not alone. Oh… how He loves us!! Bless you Beth and I hope you are doing well.
I remembered having read this back when you posted it and I revisited it today because I’m having a total hysterectomy Tuesday. I’m 46, so I, too, am on the younger side for this surgery. Thank you for the encouraging (and humorous) look at what I will be facing. There is some suspicion of cancer but the surgeon will send every piece, intact, to pathology.
I have felt God’s peace throughout this entire process and am so very grateful. I truly have never felt closer to Him!
On a semi-related note, my husband bought me an iPad for the hospital stay and my convalescence since it’s far lighter than my Bible or even our laptop, yet stores a wealth of books, Bibles, games, movies, etc. I was thrilled to find the Breaking Free Bible study as an iPad app! Guess what I’ll be doing in the hospital?!
Thank you, again, Beth for sharing!
Dear Beth,
You may not remember this, but when you returned from MD Anderson and posted this originally, I commented back that my dear friend Janice was, at that moment, on her way to that very hospital to undergo treatment for the cancer that was aggressively advancing in her.
You responded back that you were indeed praying for her, and then all those wonderful Siestas said that they, too, were holding her up in prayer.
Janice will be leaving us at any minute. Even as I type this, I have my phone sitting next to me, waiting for the call that I know will come. She has fought so hard! She just suffered the last massive seizure about 3 hours ago, and her brain is not showing any sign of life. But she’s going out like a lady, and I can’t help but imagine what she will be experiencing soon….seeing Jesus with her own eyes! I got to say goodbye to her last week (we live a couple of hours away and can’t be right there with her) and she looked at peace. Jesus just does that, doesn’t He?
It made me remember that you thought enough to pray for her. Thank you for that. I have no idea if you’ll even see this post, but I wanted to put it up here, just in case.
“For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that WHAT IS MORTAL MAY BE SWALLOWED UP BY LIFE.” Not death, LIFE. Hallelujah.
Sitting here with tears. THANK YOU. I remember reading this when it was originally posted, but it hits me in a different place when suddenly I’m the main character in the story.
Sweet Beth, my post could read exactly the same. After being watched for over a year, multiple ultrasounds, appointments, extremely elevated blood tests, I am scheduled for a total hysterectomy on March 22nd, two weeks tomorrow. This week another ultrasound is scheduled. I meet with the oncologist on Friday. A mass that has continued to grow, the size of an apple last time it was checked in early January, is in my left ovary, and I have another blockage in my fallopian tubes. This Friday a decision will be made whether I should have treatment prior to surgery. Nothing prepared me for the phone call that said, “This is the Durham Cancer Center calling for Mrs. Brown”. My brain didn’t computer cancer combined with my name.
At this point a cancer diagnosis is still yet to be confirmed. They are being cautious and aggressive at the same time. I’ve been praying that when I go for the ultrasound this Wednesday the mass cannot be found. I know it is possible, but regardless, I will still trust the Lord.
Thank you for sharing all your feelings and responses. They have mirrored mine. The roller coaster of emotions takes my breath away. I want to desperately believe that whatever path God allows me to walk, I will bring glory to Him.
At the same time, on December 24th, I was at the hospital enduring three neddle biopsy’s to my right breast because of suspicious results following a mammogram and ultrasound. Those results came back inconclusive and I am scheduled for a repeat of those tests in June. I would have pushed for sooner, but there is just so much “other” going on.
The straw that broke the camels back, and truly it is a small thing in the scheme of all that is going on, but without going into detail I tore tendens in my ring finger on my left hand. Because it wasn’t a pressing matter with all this other concern, I didn’t seek medical attention immediately. It still remains swollen months later and unable to straighten. My Dr. says it will be like this for life now as it wasn’t attended to when the accident happened. I can’t even begin to get my wedding rings on, and to me, that visual breaks my heart as it speaks to the struggle our marriage is going through. It’s just all so hard. BUT GOD!!
Just this morning I was watching a song video on You Tube. It is titled, “With You” and was sung by Mark Willard. (It’s recorded at the conclusion of the movie, “Facing the Giants”.) As the lyrics finished a quote appeared on the screen. I do not know whom to give credit, but it read: “When you are DOWN to nothing…God is UP to something. Faith SEES the invisible…And RECEIVES the impossible.” AMEN.
I do not know what the days, weeks, months ahead hold. I do not know how God will answer my prayers as my wants and His desires don’t always agree. I do know that already He has often overwhelmed me with His presence and given indescribeable peace to this little “Much Afraid”. I will continue to trust. Thank you for encouraging my heart this morning. There have been many tears as I’ve read this post, but I can trust Jesus.
Singing from a place I’ve never been before, in the middle of my miracle,
Joy
Dear Beth,
I wanted to come back and leave a further update. Since writing the comment above, I have had both the ultrasound and spent 3 hours at the Cancer Center. The oncologist feels that everything is pointing towards cancer, so my surgery has been moved to a more specialized facility about an hours drive from my home, with the date of surgery yet to be determined, but within a months time. It has been decided that, like was done for you, they will remove the mass and biopsy it immediately, then decide how to proceed. If warranted they will continue with a total hysterectomy and check lymph nodes etc. as well.
Friday was a difficult day, but Saturday the Lord graciously gave me these verses during my quiet time with Him: “the LORD my God has brought me to this place and He, goes before me looking for the best places…guiding me…He has watched my every step through this great wilderness…the LORD my God is with me, and I have lacked nothing.” (From Deut.1:31,33 Deut.2:7)
Trusting, waiting, praying, and resting in knowing that God is in contol,
Joy
I am waiting for results from a biopsy. As I laid in bed this morning, the Lord brought you to mind and I knew you had to have a truth to give to speak into the waiting. Thank you for writing what is on your heart and mind. The waiting has reminded me all over again I trust in Him and not my circumstances. When I started my Scripture memory cards at the beginnning of this year, this is not where I thought I would be. Yet again, I am reminded He is faithful, and above all else, I want His glory. So thankful to not be in control, and to put my trust in Him and not %’s or resutls.
Swimming in Grace,
Kathi
Oh, Kathi, we ask God this moment to cause those results to come back completely benign. Just this AM I was reading in Deuteronomy where God told His people to move forward without fear or (the ESV used the word) dread. That word “dread” spoke so loudly to me. We humans suffer so badly from it. Lord, deliver us please.
Let us know the results, Sister!
Precious Sister,
You have been ministering to my heart through your studies for so many years!Your sharing of this season meets me right where I am now!The Lord is so good!
I’ve had many issues over the last 16 years and have heard the Lord saying “Trust Me” in each diagnosis and each “confusion”!
My Rheumatologist ordered an MRI for diagnosing my ongoing back pain.I felt such peace as the hours before my MRI I was watching the last DVD of Psalms of ascent and the Lord gave me a Word Psalm 126:5,6! I felt a praise and prayer assignment and it was such a prcious time with the Lord that I did’t want it to end, even though it had lasted 2 hrs,! I know they thought I was a little wacky,which I am,proudly!!!:):):)We have that in common as well as being from Texas myself!!!They found a mass in my uterus at this time and my Rheumatologist sent me to a GYN. She did a biopsy in the office but felt it was a begnign tumor. She ordered another ultrasound just to cover all bases. She called my home days later with the news it was malignant. It was cancer.She referred me to a Gynocology Oncology Surgeon as we were on the phone! Boy,things can move fast at these times!
I am scheduled for surgery in 1 1/2 weeks. Now I wish things were faster and the Lord is reminding me to trust His timing!
Thank you Beth for sharing your story!Grace & Mercy,wow…that’s what I know the Lord will provide! He has always been faithful and I know He will be faithful in this another season!I want to give Him the glory in it all! My gyn doctor said to me “Marcy,in all my years of practice I have never seen a diagnosis come in this way, I said it’God sending His rescue team!!!I’m bragging on Him all the time and when I go to the fearin’ I CHOOSE to go to the Faithin’!!!
Love In Him,
Marcy
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I see that it has been four years since you walked through this experience. .I’m facing a hysterectomy in 2 days and and have been quite anxious over it. You words have given me great comfort in the middle of the night. I remember reading this post after you had written it and was reminded of reading again tonight. I guess what is somewhat unnerving is the fact that I am alone and will be recovering with Jesus and me …. Often my story. He is my husband and has provided and taken care of me many other times while alone. Please keep me in your prayers for April 24 for knowledge, understanding, and wisdom for all who will be attending to me and for a quick recovery. Thank you Beth for sharing painful and private moments for encouragement. God Bless you for having a Heart like His! I love and appreciate your ministry so much!