Well, it happened. Jackson came home with an assignment on his first day of preschool. The directions were attached to a large piece of white construction paper. I was supposed to help Jackson make a banner using our family name. We could trace our hand prints, glue things on it, use pictures, or do whatever we wanted to tell our family’s story. They kids would get to present their banners to the class. Having just been on a great vacation to Wyoming that produced tons of fun pictures, I thought we should put them to good use. I’ve always loved making collages, so this would be fun.
Then the questions started bombarding my mind. Does this need to look like a child did it, or do they really want me to do it? The directions said it would go on the wall, so maybe it’s supposed to be part of the room decor and it needs to look nice.
Being a first-time preschool parent, I’d never been faced with this dilemma before. BigMama’s stories about Caroline’s Fiesta float came to mind. If I err, do I want to err on the side of not good enough or too good? My perfectionist tendencies overtook my willingness to submit myself to my three-year-old’s creative genius and it came out like this.
I’m so ashamed. I did let Jackson pick out the pictures, though. And he sat beside me and cut scraps of paper while I did the work. Not that that makes it okay.
Curtis is the one who takes Jackson to school, so I called him just minutes after I knew he would have dropped him off. “Did you see the other posters?” I begged him to tell me they all looked like ours. He’d only glimpsed a corner of one and couldn’t tell. “The teacher said it looked nice.”
Nice. Is that good or bad?
As I entered the wing of classrooms to pick him up yesterday afternoon, I was faced with the humiliation of my life. There on the wall of the hallway – not inside the classroom as I had thought – the children’s artwork was prominently displayed. It took .5 seconds for me to realize that one of these things is not like the others. Every other poster had hand prints. Every other poster had evidence of a three-year-old’s art skills. Every other poster was right and ours was wrong! Wrong in big, bold letters, with brightly colored polkadot scrap paper and obnoxious Disney pictures. Wrong with our named spelled out for everyone to see! Wrong with the faces of our family, so that the horrible mother who is too OCD to do crafts with her son can be easily identified! Oh the horror!
Seriously, I’ve never been more embarrassed. All I could say to the teachers was a mild thank you as they returned my boy to me. I didn’t dare make eye contact in case I was about to get in big trouble and have to go to the principal’s office. I scurried away as fast as one can with a baby on the right hip and a leaping, bounding child holding the left hand.
I have no idea how long those posters are going to greet every single person who passes through the hallway, but I am praying to our merciful Lord that He will see that I’ve learned my lesson and let them come down soon. I don’t know how long I can bear to face my public shame!
Please, someone, comfort me in my time of trouble and tell me I’m not alone. Did you do something really dumb when your kid was in school?
I called my mom as soon as I got in the car. She was both embarrassed for me and pleased to have been given such a great laugh at my expense. I had just been to my first Motherwise meeting that morning and she said, “Honey, one day when your kids are grown and you’re helping lead something like Motherwise, that’s the story you’re going to share.” She’s probably right. But if anyone would like to go ahead and learn my lesson now, then be my guest.
Just like you, Amanda, remembering Travis's story ( I missed it – b/c I was heading up the Simulcast at our church) I am putting into immeadiate practice a point your mother made in the simulcast.
I believe it is Chryil in the greek or something – I don't have my notes in front of me but it means writhing or twisting in waiting for a desire to become delight. Well my Pastor spoke a Word over me the other night about something he was receiving from God about me and my future, trouble was, he left it at that, and NOW I don't know what he means- simply he thinks definitly that I have something about my future concerning God and that he usually dosen't tell people this, especially women. I am thinking it has to do with study or doctrine or something (he said that I should not just facilitate a simulcast but I should teach a study?! Yikes!) I was just blown away becasue on Sat. morning your mother gave us that point, twist in praise! And SATURDAY NIGHT AT CHURCH GOD GAVE ME A REASON TO!
WHAT ON EARTH (LITERALLY) IS GOD UP TO?!
I just get to wait and praise as I wait.
Learning is forever, you are such a great family. Learn with Joy – is there nothing better than a relationship with God!
Amanda,
Bless your heart you made me laugh too ( sorry its at your expense)
I have a FOURTH grader and last year THEY were supposed to make their scrapbooks for the field trips they took.
Knowing quite well how mothers can be, the school sent home a notice adressing the issue. In big bold letters it said "DO NOT HELP YOUR CHILD WITH THEIR SCRAPBOOKS, THIS MUST LOOK LIKE A FOURTH GRADER DID IT. DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON FANCY EMBELISHMENTS. YOUR CHILD WILL NOT RECEICE A BETTER GRADE IF YOU DO!
You would think, that would be enough to scare the lights out of you not to do such a thing but I still had to fight it.
In the end God pulled me through and I am happy to say I only helped a tiny bit.
On the day of the big reveal, open house, it was more than obvious that most of the moms did not when the internal fight.
At least you learned. So onward you go!
Love
Geri
I know it's only a very minor consolation, Amanda, but that is a really cute poster.
Here's my goof for the week. This is my second week back teaching college English, and I'm trying to get back in the groove. I was reviewing some basic writing blunders with my students on Monday, and my list included "misspelled homophones."
Yes, I mispelled the term "mispelled homophones." And my students caught it before I did. I told my mother afterwards that this is the professional equivalent of slipping on a banana peel and falling on your rearend. You may laugh out loud about it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
Please don't worry. The school year will get better.
well i am still laughing about the maternity panty story. i love stories like that! 🙂 amanda, i do remember a project i had in 3rd grade. we had to draw a hot air balloon and decorate it. well my dad did the whole thing! it was awesome — the best one & i was so proud!
The humor that oozes from this family is just too much sometimes! I can just hear the tone in your voice as your re cap all of this for us. Our Lord sure has a sense of humor!!
I do the exact same thing with every home assignment and my child is now 7. Pure perfectionist here. Sometimes I let her have the whole project and other times I have to take over. I bet some of the mothers are jealous of your hard work!! Just take this home, laminate it and display it proudly. It's still a beautiful scrapbook of your son's childhood. And next time, just ask first! 🙂
What a precious story! As a mom of four (oldest is 22 yrs), take it from me…it is only the beginning. Gotta move on to the next project, the next child..treasure them! You are blessed!
Angela
Mansfield TX
Sweet Amanda,
I am sorry that happened to you on the first day of school. But let me tell you something….you are just ahead of the curve! Those other parents will learn and soon their child's project will be worthy of the Wall of Fame!! Don't beat yourself up too bad! I have been an educator way too long to know that the parents do the majority of the projects. We are ALL guilty!!
My son is now a freshman in high school so I am glad he does his own projects now!! Do them while you can because before too long our little ones grow up and they are much smarter than us!!
Blessings!!
Roxanne
PS You really did a great job!! I loved the background as well as the photos!!
Oh so funny!! Maybe there in lies the message for all of us who have done similar things or will do so eventually…..let's not take ourselves so seriously, and remember to take our Lord way more seriously!!! He loves us no matter what. Thanks for the chuckle!!
I can definitely comfort you, Amanda. My daughter started pre-school this week too. She too had a poster and I too "had" to intervene…they asked for her favorites to be prominently displayed. Favorite book, favorite friend, favorite place, favorite person…OK so when I asked her who her favorite person was she said, "Garrett!" Garrett?!? You mean the Garrett you see once a week in Sunday School?!?!?? So a few minutes elapsed and I asked, OK, Baby, so who else is your favorite person. "You," she whispered shyly. That's more like it I thought! You know whose name was on the poster as her favorite person…I'll give you a hint…it starts with "M" and ends with "Y"
Thanks for giving me an excuse to laugh over this!!!!
hope this makes you feel better, I know laughing over this has helped me 🙂
love,
Darcy
Sometimes it is so hard to let go and let our kids be themselves! I have found that for me it is that I am so afraid that they will be laughed at or criticized that I have used that as the excuse to step in and do it for them and save them (and I have to admit myself) any embarrassment. My daughter's first science project was like this. My husband and I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning meticulously putting her project together. I barely let her paint sprinkles on the background. The finished project looked like two grad students had put it together and was worthy of an adult presentation. I walked that perfect board into a classroom full of projects obviously completed by the kids complete with messy handwriting, messy mistakes and kid appropriate information. The shame and humiliation was overwhelming. Not only did I look like the crazy OCD mom, but I teach at her school. I know better! At least you had this lesson in prek!
Amanda, I'm a 2nd grade teacher and I think we all feel the same way…make good memories with your children, and that's exactly what you did with Jackson. Memories…it's a good thing between a mother and her sweet darlin boy.
Do you teach Jackson that "different" is perfectly fine and no one should be ashamed of being or acting different when that difference is not the product of sin? Then take that same lesson to heart! There's nothing wrong with what you did!
Oh my gosh, Amanda, I can SO see myself doing this! My daughter (oldest) started preschool 2 years ago and I had the same feelings about everything. I was constantly over-analzying, trying to impress the teacher, even in subtle ways, etc. You are not alone! I have had numbers of conversations with God about this and He always gently chides me and is so patient! You are not alone, sweetie!
Amanda – I am an elementary school teacher. Honey, I have seen it all. If Jackson's teacher has been around awhile, you're not the first and certainly won't be the last to enjoy homework more than your child. My habit is to nicely return the work and use the famous line from the MR. MOM movie, "You're doing it wrong." The parents are almost always so happy to have the opportunity to have a redo. Girl – ask. You'll feel so much better, and Jackson will remember that he made it. As a teacher, I just always think that this is a parent who truly cares about their child and wants them to have the very best. What's wrong with that? Nothing. You'll learn that "kid work" is so much more beautiful than "parent work."
the poster is DARLING and the story is HILARIOUS!! GREAT story telling skills there. Seriously. Made me laugh out loud all alone in my kitchen! I am single with no children, so I have nothing to offer you except to say, great job with the story! 🙂
Seriously, you have now been officially enrolled in the REAL school of motherhood! 🙂 We have ALL been through this…i guarantee you! I remember doing the EXACT same thing and feeling absolutely mortified when my divine design inspired family board was obviously not done by my 4-year-old (but, all the others were)! Girl, the feeling of controlling these projects will never. go. away… But, if you find a way to control the urge make sure you pass it on! 🙂
Oh dear, I share your pain.
I've done so many things like that it's improbably I shall ever live it down. Crafts done, eco-systems's under glass, shadowboxes to showcase the animal in question, book reports that had video's and songs made up to them. One of them a live action movie. Stop me, somebody…you don't know you blow it until you do. Next time, say gently to the teacher, "How should I help Jackson?" Remember other mom's will screw up with cupcakes, etc, party plans, you name it.. somebody might actually be doing their son's math or penmanship homework! Laugh at yourself, because everyone else will, and you might as well join them. This will make a great story later….
Love you! (and I'm laughing with you, not At you! Seriously…)
Lisa in Kirkland, WA
It's okay, Amanda. Remember that scripture about being able to comfort people with the comfort you have been comforted with? One day you are going to be able to bless someone else with this experience and have a good laugh. Just your transparency in sharing it was a blessing to me. Trust me, I am a teacher, you will not have to go to the principal's office. It is okay. How about a redo? You and Jackson make a new poster and see if you can trade them out.
This too shall pass…
🙂 Heidi Lindale, TX
Amanda, I think it looks awesome!!!! 😉 When I was in the 2nd grade, and had to draw for art class, my mom helped me all the time b/c I cannot draw….I mean not even a Mickey Mouse head. She helped me with every assignment.
Amanda, it's OK. I am a teacher not yet a mother. I know you mean well. You love your child so much you never want them to be hurt or embarrased. That's a Momma's love!
Amanda dear,
For what it is worth, I have been a kindergarten teacher for 34 years and I think your poster was totally appropriate! We teachers honestly see some of everything with an assignment like this, Amanda, and what we really want to see in it is that the children have a family who loves and cares for them!! Your poster certainly showed that, sweet Mama! You are too hard on yourself…but aren't we all?
Love to you and your dear family,
Fran
SO FUNNY!! SO FUNNY!! SO FUNNY!!
I can't stop laughing. Someday I'll share about how I brought in chocolate covered fruit pieces for snack (taking me till the midnight hour to finish making); while the other (smarter) moms showed up with a boxes of Cheetos.
And guess how many preschoolers liked chocolate covered fruit?
Exactly one. That's how many.
~But it sure does make for some great laughs later.
Warm in Alaska.
…and you thought preschool was for Jackson to learn a thing or two!!! Maybe preschool is as much for moms to prepare for school as it is for the kids.
Oh, thank you for a much needed laugh! Not AT you, mind you, but oh so WITH you! What a GORGEOUS poster – exactly as I would have done – and similar in nature to the paper I just "co"-wrote for my 6TH Grader (boy)!!! Why couldn't he put into words a focus statement about the book "Holes"?! Why couldn't he seem to write (as I so easily could, though not at his age), three supporting paragraphs with examples? And why is my husband laughing SO hard right now and saying "That's you, baby!"… Ok, the 3rd grader (girl) did win out and design her own poster this time – but only because it was done in class – not at home! WHERE were the Bible verses I so carefully printed in pretty fonts and colors?! Why didn't she use different colors for her lettering?! It's a learning process for us perfectionist, OCD Moms as it is for all of us. Lord, thank You for the laughter and for loving us just as we are! Thank You for Amanda and Jackson and for the all of the LPL ministry who bring us laughter, tears and yearnings to know and love You more through our shared experiences. Hold your head high, Siesta! Your poster will make wonderful memories in your "save" box!
Laughing hysterically —–
AND – Jackson is in pre-school —– time is going by too fast . . .
Thought of Beth this morning as we were at IAH leaving for vacation and saw the Rosetta Stone display . . .
Peace.
I am so sorry, but that is soooo FUNNY! 🙂
This reminded me of the story Travis told last weekend about helping his daughter with her "All About Me" project. Precious memories… and yes, one day you WILL laugh! 🙂
Well ………. IT IS super cute! So smile and go with it, girl 🙂
I made a poster once for my oldest child in Kindergarten that was IDENTICAL except with a big obnoxious McKay. The other projects were so understated and screamed of "I made it myself". Mine had computer printed balloon captions with witty sayings to describe each scene. Did I not think the photoshop would give us away?
All the teacher would say is, "Wow. I mean really, wow." Mortification doesn't even begin to cover it..
So, yes. I feel you…:)
I am a kindergarten teacher and what I see is in Jackson's project is the love that surrounds your family. It is a beautiful poster that you will cherish. Please keep it once it is returned to you not for the embarrassing memories but for the sweet memories you displayed on it. You are a good mom and it shows!
Did you hear Travis' story about Lilly Kate's art project? We've ALL been there done that. On the bright side, you got yours out of the way in PRE-school! Count yourself fortunate, your sweet boy didn't know better… my 9 year old did last year!
Blessings,
Carolynn
Amanda, you didn't hear Travis' story from the simulcast. He did the same thing but just laid it all out for the child who proceeded to put it back together their way. I had a mini heart to heart with my 17 year old. Always have to be careful to let your kids be themselves. The process from conception and on is a growing up and away from you. Let go a little at a time, it makes college goodbyes so much easier!
My story is similar, but with my Dad instead of Mom. When I was in grade school, my Dad wanted to "help" with my science project. Not only did he help, he spent hours in his workshop, building an elaborate project that was not only beyond my skills, it was also something I barely understood. He managed to teach me how it worked, just in time for the big Science Fair at school. I had to stand there, knowing full well that I did not create this project, and then had to explain to the judges how it worked. When my project tied for a 3rd place ribbon, the other students were ruthless. They knew my engineer Dad made the project while their home-made projects went without a ribbon. I remember how unhappy, embarrassed and humiliated I felt, knowing I did not deserve the ribbon or the praise. My Dad's intentions were good, but the end result was not.
Because of this, I was a total hands-off kind of Mom myself! My children did the work 100% of the time as they grew up.
You are NOT alone!
My kids are all grown now and live on their own. While I know that you feel embarrassed I think your motivation was in the right place, and it was obvious that you did this to share the joy that being the Jones family is to you; and to celebrate that with your child. Don't kick yourself about it; far better that you did what you did than the parents who don't even care what their kids are doing….Be happy that you can spend that time with your child in such an endeavor…Life is too short for regrets. Have a blest day.
Amanda,
My son was supposed to take something yummy to share with his assigned secret Buddy. He didn't say anything to me. When I picked him up his teacher imformed me he brought 3 pieces of Exlax to share. This was back in the 70's when things weren't packaged so well. My son thought it was like Hersey's little squares. It was up in the kitchen cabinet. Most of the kids brought cookies or hard candy. I was so embarrassed but glad the Teacher inspected the goodies, or they would have been sharing more than they wanted that little boy's mother would have been so upset.
Oh Amanda. There are so many kids in this world who have parents that either don't care or are too overwhelmed by other things to help with homework. Jackson and his preschool friends are blessed beyond belief. Give yourself a pat on the back.
It doensn't end with pre-school. I remember my daughter and my neice had science fair project in 6th grade and I am embarrased to say that my sister in law and I probably learned more than they did. I think we spent months working on it and when I say we I mean the grown-ups while the girls looked on. I think we all want to go re-live our school experiences so we interfere. They won 1st place. I still feel like we cheated. I can totally relate to the JONES poster!
Funny, how God works! My little girl is in 4k this year, and the day you posted this she came home with an "It's all about Me" poster to make. Normally, I'm like you, very OCD and perfectionist—-I can't tell you how much this has gotten me into trouble. Anyway, I fought back doing the poster for her the whole time, but after it was completed it was all her own work. She was very proud of it and I was too! Thank you for reminding me to let my Jada be Jada!
Amber Ploof
Girlfriend, don't be so hard on yourself. It is what it is. We've all been there; we all strive for perfection especially for our children. God's grace is new everyday…grace yourself a bit!!!
fonldy,
kim
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (many times!) My 'children' are 20 yoa & 13 yoa 7 I HAVE improved over time, but it is STILL a struggle. Keep it to look back on and remember these times because they pass tooooooo quickly.
BTW–it's CDO (in alphabetical order as it SHOULD be). Hang in there!!
Nancy in GA
Hey Amanda – Don't feel bad~it is so hard to let our children BE….
My daughter, who is 13 – was just chosen by her teammates to be one of the middle school cross country team captains….when she told me the news – I proceeded to spill out all of these great(I thought) ideas about encouraging through bible verses and other various ways….when she stopped me and told me very plainly, and rightly so, how she intended on proceeding in this role…nothing like being put in your place again, and again….It's a hard lesson to learn…Take Care ~Jesus loves you!
I am a kindred spirit with OCD inspiration as well. Maybe this will help you feel better… After opening up a preschool program as a ministry of our church and desiring to be one of excellence, I sent home parent evaluations at the end of the first school year. Thankfully we received much praise and were so excited. Then there it was – a comment in the suggestions for improvement – "The art projects looked too perfect, maybe you could allow for more individuality and showing off of their true preschool skills" My heart sank but I realized she was right. I had been so concerned about teaching them how and where to color, doing all the cutting, helping them with the glue, and even showing them even exactly where to place their wiggle eyes than now many of their projects were not even worthy of keeping because they showed very little of the student's actual creativity. I learned a BIG Lesson! Thank God for His grace to cover all, whether big or small, and that we can leave them at the cross and not have to carry around guilt. Save your project for a great memory and someday you can share your story with Jackson and have a good laugh over it together! 🙂
Oh Amanda that was so funny and sweet. My little one just turned 4 a few months ago, and is about to start preschool next week. I don't think he could make a collage all by himself! I would have helped him too! Don't be so hard on yourself!
Too cute!
Amanda,
Electronic correspondence drops a lot of connotation that is normally transmitted in direct conversation, so it's hard to tell if you are just venting or seriously freaking out.
Either way, here is what I sense – the enemy wants to steal your joy of being a first time preschool mom. Don't let him!
The thought that you are a failure or not doing a good job is a LIE from the pit of hell!
You are obviously a wonderful, loving parent doing the best you can. While I totally identify with overanalyzing a situation to death, you need to get you some Scripture verses and start rebuking those thoughts of doubt and shame!
Enjoy your kids – right where they are!
Amanda,
I would say you had a 50/50 chance at getting it right. Some schools we have been in the kids did their own stuff that young; but then others it was a competion to see what parent poster was the best. No Worries you did great!
LIfe lessons are painful but when we learn from them, it's worth it.
So easy for me to eagerly write advise to you but always remember that children go to school to LEARN! If we do everything for them, how can THEY learn. Who knows the balance between too much help and too little–a learning time for parents too!
Here's an idea, let Jackson do a poster all by himself for your hallway!!!
You're wonderful Amanda, praying you can laugh about it then spend your energy on more important things!! Thanks so very much for this blog and being so open with us. GOD Bless you sweet one.
Amanda,
I know what you are going through but I took the other path. I let Heather do it herself and it looked awful but I am not artistic. Most of the kids looked great because the moms did the work for the kids. I can remember science fair projects are antoher deal though my husband worked with Heather (Heather watching and daddy doing) on science projects. Heather is now 21 and grown and has been over indulged and very spoiled and expects us (her partents) to keep on taking care of things for her.
I can tell you that some of Heather's friends had moms that would do term papers for their kids. I mean from start to finish. In one such case mom spent all night typing the term paper and the kid didn't think it was good enough and tore it up. The mom says I will call your teacher and get an extention and re-type the paper. They didn't have a computer so she had to re-type the paper.
The lesson I think God is trying to teach us is that it is OK to let your child fail. We learn better from our own mistakes than trying to prevent your child from failing. I know that Heather is out there and I am now waiting for the big crash. She is going to fall and fall hard but I know she has to figure out life herself.
Amanda, just find a happy balance or your son will be 21 and you will still be doing projects for him.
God Bless,
Lori in Tennessee
Laughed out loud… do not have children myself, but read these responses out loud to a friend last night after an awful day at work, and we laughed so hard we cried. Favorites by far were your story, the kite, the pirate costume, Farm Day, and the dear Mom who recreated her son's science experiment after throwing away his notes…
Makes me smile that God probably has hanging somewhere in heaven all our little rag tag efforts…things he could have done perfectly himself, but he preferred it this way…and beams to confused angels I'm sure…"Isn't this one just beautiful!?!" while they shake their heads in wonder how he could love such little ragtags (as my grandmother would say) Guessing heaven is full of our glitter smudged and crooked little, paint smudged efforts…
Love your blog Amanda — you are a gifted writer