Ask Curtis: Part II

Thanks for all the great questions ladies! Obviously, since there were so many questions, I won’t be able to answer them all. So we will stick to those most frequently asked. Which means we will start with the question I hear most often.

What’s it like to be Beth Moore’s son-in-law?

It is everything you think it would be and then a thousand times better. In her Mother’s Day card I wrote that I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world, except maybe more hair. But the truth is I wouldn’t even trade her for more hair (and if you knew how much hair I had when I met her and how little I have now, you would know that means I love her a lot). Beth would be an amazing mother-in-law even if she was just “Beth” and not “Beth Moore.” The great spiritual conversations and Bible trivia matches are just the cherries on top. She is my favorite teacher, a gifted author, but an even better mother. And I’m incredibly proud to be her son.

How can I help my husband grow in his relationship with God and step up as the spiritual leader?

This is difficult to answer since each question was asked by a specific woman with a specific husband who has a specific personality and history. How you encourage your husband will depend a lot on your relationship history. I told Amanda last night that if for some reason I spiritually relaxed to the point of deadness that she should confront me quickly and harshly. Loudly. With weapons. Why? Because that’s who I am. That’s who I told her I was when we met and were married. If you have seen your husband have a passion for Christ, but is now colder than a penguin with a popsicle, confront him. Don’t worry about offending him. He needs to be offended.

However, if your husband has never shown the kind of faith you are praying for, be gentle. First Peter 3:1-3 says “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” Peter was specifically writing to women with unbelieving husbands, but I think the principle applies to this situation. You will never win him over with an argument, and deep faith is not the result of well-reasoned rhetoric. Continue to pray, be respectful, and be faithful.

With those things said, here are a couple of things to remember:

1) Show him that being a Christian is something you “do,” not just something “you are.” In our current church culture it is very easy to believe the main point of Christianity is to (a) be in church, and (c) behave. Help him see there is action to be a part of. Find a mission trip where he can build stuff. Is there a widow in your church who needs a handy man for a few projects? A fatherless boy in the youth ministry who could use a fishing trip? Men aren’t drawn to deep faith because they feel like being “men” is something you have to do outside of church and not inside. Show him differently.

2) Make sure that your vision of a spiritual leader is not too narrow. He may never look like your pastor or Bible study leader. He’s probably not wired the same way. Don’t confuse helping him be everything God wants him to be with helping him be everything you want him to be. Be encouraged. God is at work in your husband. It may just progress a little slower than you would like.

I’m having a difficult time with my teenage son. He doesn’t want to go to church. What should I do?

Ask yourself three questions:
1) Does he pay the mortgage?
2) Does he buy the groceries?
3) Does he pay for his own health insurance?

If the answer to any of these questions is “no,” then you make him go. I myself was a church kid who at age 15 did not want to go to church. I thank God everyday that my parents made me go. Just like skipping school was not an option, skipping church was not either. I think most teenagers go through a stage where going to church is not their favorite thing. Had my parents given me the option to stay home, I would have not been in the place where God began to draw me toward him.

Hey! What about all the single ladies? Why does it seem like we have to do all the work in starting the relationship?

When it comes to dating, men are delicate creatures. It’s true. Men fear two things: (1) being alone, and (2) failure. He risks both with dating. At some point in every man’s life he has pursued a woman and she has rejected him. Thus, like the caveman he is, he learns that being pursued is easier than pursuing. Therefore, many men are content to let the woman do all the work because it’s less risky.

Think of the pursuit like a dance. He will take a step and you respond with a step. This encourages him and rewards his bold first move. He will take another step and you again respond to his step. That, my friends, is a dance. If he asks you to “grab a coffee” with him and you say you can’t because you have to feed your sister’s birds, he’ll quit the dance. Or, if he sees you are willing to make all the first steps, he may be content to let you drag him all over the dance floor. That may sound alright at first, but it will leave you both empty a month later.

Why are men so bad at communication?

We’re not. We just do it differently. Next time you’re in a social setting, notice how the men have no trouble talking with other men and the women have no trouble talking to other women. I think men express themselves more easily in “doing” and women express themselves in “saying.” Going to work, mowing the yard, and taking the family out to dinner are “I love you” from him. I think you’ll find that you and your husband are often saying the same thing. You are just speaking a different language.

What Bible Studies do you recommend for men?

If you are looking for an in-depth Bible study similar to Beth’s, I recommend Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. It is the same size as Beth’s and takes about as long each day to do. I think that may be a little more than most men are ready or willing to chew. If your man is at the beginning stages of a consistent Bible study time, he is who I had in mind when we put out Drive Thru the Bible and Deepening a Father’s Heart. (Amanda adds: I can’t link directly to anything in our online store for some reason, but you can find both of them there.) Finally, I always recommend John Eldredge’s resources for men. God has used his writing to help and heal broken parts of me over the last few years. Plus, he’s the person I would most like to spend an afternoon fly fishing with.

Thanks for all the questions. Sorry we didn’t have time to get to all of them. Now, go kiss your man and give him a gift certificate to Bass Pro Shop.



54 Responses to “Ask Curtis: Part II”

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  1. 51
    darla says:

    awesome answers! and he will certainly love the giftcard to Bass Pro!

  2. 52
    Praying Paula says:

    Wow, how amazing…

    I love the insight of the here and now in just the time I need it.

    I never know how God will answer prayers…just wonder with a bit of excitement of how He’s going to reply and with whom…

    God Bless, Dear Curtis!

  3. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Thanks. The one about the single girls was dead on. I think I’ve been guilty lately of taking on the first steps. And you’re right, it doesn’t work (empty is such a good word for it) and is best to walk the other way from guys who are willing to let you “drag them all over the dance floor”.

  4. 54

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