Ask Curtis: Part II

Thanks for all the great questions ladies! Obviously, since there were so many questions, I won’t be able to answer them all. So we will stick to those most frequently asked. Which means we will start with the question I hear most often.

What’s it like to be Beth Moore’s son-in-law?

It is everything you think it would be and then a thousand times better. In her Mother’s Day card I wrote that I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world, except maybe more hair. But the truth is I wouldn’t even trade her for more hair (and if you knew how much hair I had when I met her and how little I have now, you would know that means I love her a lot). Beth would be an amazing mother-in-law even if she was just “Beth” and not “Beth Moore.” The great spiritual conversations and Bible trivia matches are just the cherries on top. She is my favorite teacher, a gifted author, but an even better mother. And I’m incredibly proud to be her son.

How can I help my husband grow in his relationship with God and step up as the spiritual leader?

This is difficult to answer since each question was asked by a specific woman with a specific husband who has a specific personality and history. How you encourage your husband will depend a lot on your relationship history. I told Amanda last night that if for some reason I spiritually relaxed to the point of deadness that she should confront me quickly and harshly. Loudly. With weapons. Why? Because that’s who I am. That’s who I told her I was when we met and were married. If you have seen your husband have a passion for Christ, but is now colder than a penguin with a popsicle, confront him. Don’t worry about offending him. He needs to be offended.

However, if your husband has never shown the kind of faith you are praying for, be gentle. First Peter 3:1-3 says “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” Peter was specifically writing to women with unbelieving husbands, but I think the principle applies to this situation. You will never win him over with an argument, and deep faith is not the result of well-reasoned rhetoric. Continue to pray, be respectful, and be faithful.

With those things said, here are a couple of things to remember:

1) Show him that being a Christian is something you “do,” not just something “you are.” In our current church culture it is very easy to believe the main point of Christianity is to (a) be in church, and (c) behave. Help him see there is action to be a part of. Find a mission trip where he can build stuff. Is there a widow in your church who needs a handy man for a few projects? A fatherless boy in the youth ministry who could use a fishing trip? Men aren’t drawn to deep faith because they feel like being “men” is something you have to do outside of church and not inside. Show him differently.

2) Make sure that your vision of a spiritual leader is not too narrow. He may never look like your pastor or Bible study leader. He’s probably not wired the same way. Don’t confuse helping him be everything God wants him to be with helping him be everything you want him to be. Be encouraged. God is at work in your husband. It may just progress a little slower than you would like.

I’m having a difficult time with my teenage son. He doesn’t want to go to church. What should I do?

Ask yourself three questions:
1) Does he pay the mortgage?
2) Does he buy the groceries?
3) Does he pay for his own health insurance?

If the answer to any of these questions is “no,” then you make him go. I myself was a church kid who at age 15 did not want to go to church. I thank God everyday that my parents made me go. Just like skipping school was not an option, skipping church was not either. I think most teenagers go through a stage where going to church is not their favorite thing. Had my parents given me the option to stay home, I would have not been in the place where God began to draw me toward him.

Hey! What about all the single ladies? Why does it seem like we have to do all the work in starting the relationship?

When it comes to dating, men are delicate creatures. It’s true. Men fear two things: (1) being alone, and (2) failure. He risks both with dating. At some point in every man’s life he has pursued a woman and she has rejected him. Thus, like the caveman he is, he learns that being pursued is easier than pursuing. Therefore, many men are content to let the woman do all the work because it’s less risky.

Think of the pursuit like a dance. He will take a step and you respond with a step. This encourages him and rewards his bold first move. He will take another step and you again respond to his step. That, my friends, is a dance. If he asks you to “grab a coffee” with him and you say you can’t because you have to feed your sister’s birds, he’ll quit the dance. Or, if he sees you are willing to make all the first steps, he may be content to let you drag him all over the dance floor. That may sound alright at first, but it will leave you both empty a month later.

Why are men so bad at communication?

We’re not. We just do it differently. Next time you’re in a social setting, notice how the men have no trouble talking with other men and the women have no trouble talking to other women. I think men express themselves more easily in “doing” and women express themselves in “saying.” Going to work, mowing the yard, and taking the family out to dinner are “I love you” from him. I think you’ll find that you and your husband are often saying the same thing. You are just speaking a different language.

What Bible Studies do you recommend for men?

If you are looking for an in-depth Bible study similar to Beth’s, I recommend Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. It is the same size as Beth’s and takes about as long each day to do. I think that may be a little more than most men are ready or willing to chew. If your man is at the beginning stages of a consistent Bible study time, he is who I had in mind when we put out Drive Thru the Bible and Deepening a Father’s Heart. (Amanda adds: I can’t link directly to anything in our online store for some reason, but you can find both of them there.) Finally, I always recommend John Eldredge’s resources for men. God has used his writing to help and heal broken parts of me over the last few years. Plus, he’s the person I would most like to spend an afternoon fly fishing with.

Thanks for all the questions. Sorry we didn’t have time to get to all of them. Now, go kiss your man and give him a gift certificate to Bass Pro Shop.



54 Responses to “Ask Curtis: Part II”

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  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    Amanda You have the bestest Hubby . He made me Laugh. He has a heart after Jesus.

  2. 2
    Megan O. says:

    Thanks for your insight, Curtis. You seem so wise and what you said about Beth brought a tiny little tear to my eye. 🙂 You all are such a great family.

  3. 3
    Warm in Alaska says:

    Thanks, Curtis, for wading into the deep, unchartered waters of Siestas’ Questions About Men Posed to a Man. Great job!

    Warm in Alaska (and I do declare I’m sure you’re earned yourself a gift cert to your nearest Bass Pro Shop. Enjoy it!)

  4. 4
    Ruthanne says:

    Great job, Curtis!

  5. 5
    Melody says:

    Ah, Bass Pro Shop. Pretty sure all he'd buy there is a camouflage crock pot for me. 😉

    Thanks for answering those questions Curtis! I LOVED loved your answer on teenagers. I am a stepmom to two boys, now 19 & 17. This conversation has come up MANY times over the years between my husband & I. We never really saw eye to eye, but my husband did always take my opinion into consideration. Of course there were many times they did miss (and now they don't come over our house at all, and I'm pretty sure church is a big reason why) but they knew what we stood for and church was a part of being in our home. Thank you for putting it so plainly though!!! I emailed it to my husband so he could have another man's point of view. 🙂

  6. 6
    Tracey says:

    Thanks Curtis! I agree! You did a great job answering so many. I felt so sorry for you and the pressure you must be feeling after all the comments posted, I didn’t even ask a question. But you came through like a rising star and glorified God, uplifted the women and esteemed the men in your answers. Thanks so much for being a godly husband, father, and son! I know Amanda appreciates it (especially after reading all those posts!)
    Have a great Memorial Day Weekend.
    God Bless our Troops and their families!

  7. 7
    Living day by day for Jesus says:

    Thanks Curtis! You are a pretty swell guy for submitting yourself to us! God bless!

  8. 8
    Kendra says:

    Curtis you are very witty and articulate and wise…no wonder Beth Moore likes you so much! Thanks for blogging-please do more.

  9. 9
    screamofcontinuousness says:

    I LOVE bass pro shops. I head straight for the stuffed animals and wind chimes section!!!


  10. 10
    jennyhope says:

    thanks Curtis! It seems confrontation in the walk with the Lord department always causes a fight. So, when I feel led I sure will prayerfully do that. I asked my man why he never asks me if I am in the word and etc and he says that he sees my relationship and sees me in the word everyday…well, great but it bothers me that I would have no accountabilty from him. Anyway, thank you!!

  11. 11
    HisTreasuredPossession says:

    Yeah!! thanks for some great feedback. Always glad to hear from you Curtis! Lord bless you and keep you and your sweet family!

    Happy Memorial Weekend!

  12. 12
    Dana says:

    Thanks! You were so sweet to answer those questions…and I read every one even though they didn’t all apply to me. I just loved reading your responses. I will go kiss my man now, but he wouldn’t know what to do with a gift certificate to Bass Pro Shop. He’s more of a Barnes and Noble kind of guy! 😉

  13. 13
    Susan says:

    Curtis, Welcome to the BLOG. It is good to hear the man’s side of things.

  14. 14
    Donita says:

    That’s good stuff right there!

  15. 15
    Tara G. says:

    Very wise.

    My dad loves Cabela’s. He finds a shirt he likes and he orders it in almost every color.

  16. 16
    Kim Safina says:

    The Journey Continues ~

    It is wonderful knowing that there are BASS PRO MEN with the love of Christ reaching out to this world! I got one in the kitchen right now making me some salad while singing praise songs “out of tune” precious! 🙂
    Thank you for sharing your mind and heart.
    With “Heaven Bound” blessings,
    Kim Safina

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:


    Now I know what study to shop for.


  18. 18
    Toknowhim says:

    Great answers…lots of wisdom…

    I think how you answered the first question about Beth was beautiful 🙂

    What a perfectly matched couple you and Amanda are…
    Looking forward to more questions answered 🙂

  19. 19
    Georgia Jan says:

    Curtis – Good answers young man – mighty fine answers! As a mom to 2 sons: one about your age, and one a little younger, and Gran Jan to a little boy, I love it that you said your parents made you go to church – how REFRESHING in this day and age. How affirming, and I hope the blog readers will heed that advice. It works!

    I’m “old school” and for some reason I thought that there were no more diplomas being issued from that institution, but you have obviously been raised by “old school” parents too, and Jackson and Annabeth will benefit from those boundaries and loving accountability.

    I had to laugh – as I was sitting here reading your precious and Biblical replies to the questions, my husband (also a pastor) was placing an order with Bass Pro!

    What a blessing you have been to my heart tonight! Your wife is so precious and thoughtful, and your Mother-in-law inspires me daily! And that sister-in-law is dear to my heart!

    Bless you young man,
    Georgia Jan

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    We love the insight and thoughtfulness of Curtis. He is quite a man of God to join all of us siestas!! Thank you, both Curtis and Amanda, for being so real with us!! We love you!

  21. 21
    texatheart says:

    Thanks for your answer with regard to the teenager not wanting to go to church. I never had to go to church. It was my choice. I lived for Sunday. So when my 17 year old announced he wasn’t going to church, I was baffled. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t want to go. I finally used the song, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” and as long as he is in this house he will attend. His heart has changed and he no longer fights me. It helps he is driving now. No church — no car for the week. Funny how priorities change!
    I am a single parent so it is nice to hear a man’s perspective to things we question.

  22. 22
    Shawna says:

    …Hit it outta the park Curtis…

    And I know that you fellas have a rough time with the receding hair issues, but one of my “secretly” favorite Bible stories as a kid was Elijah calling the bears on the crowd of punks who teased him for his bald head. (Yes, my Dad was bald — and YOU BET, we had that story in family devotions!) So don’t get down on yourself – and if anyone teases you… let ’em know that God’s not going to put up with any hair comments! And for those of you out there who think family devotions are boring – you aren’t looking hard enough!!! : )

    Blessings on you and Amanda


  23. 23
    Shellie Paparazzo says:

    Thanks, Curtis. I couldn’t even think of any questions to ask you, but your answers are very helpful. I have a husband who is seeking God, but doesn’t spend as much time in the Word as I would like and doesn’t read it to our kids. But it occurred to me that deeper study of God’s Word is my passion, not his, and I can’t make him be like me. He can only be the way God made him to be. That’s what it made me think of. He loves boy scouts and Christian camps, because he gets to do things with the kids.

  24. 24
    Lynnette says:

    Mr. Curtis Jones, good reading. Thanks for putting time and thought in your replies. Look forward to hearing more in the future. And would be fun if you and Mr. KeithMoore teamed up once for something like this again.

    Lynnette in Houston

  25. 25
    Marion says:

    That was fabulous Curtis! I think that no matter how much a woman knows her man, it’s always good to learn more about the way he thinks! Your comments made me feel as though I was reading parts of a John Eldredge book! Maybe your paths will cross and you’ll write a wonderful book together… all while you are fly fishing, of course!

  26. 26
    barbara head says:

    Thank you, Curtis, for some really good points. I can remember when I heard Beth say that one of her most liberating moments in her marriage was when she finally discovered that she was not in charge of her husband’s spirtual life. I took that to heart and decided right then that I would let God do His thing in my husband. I just kept praying that I would be a good example of a godly wife to him.

  27. 27
    su says:

    Thanks, Curtis. I enjoyed reading what you had to say. And your answers that remind us to regard our men as individuals was good. To trust that God is working. Loved the image of a penguin with a popsicle. So again, thanks for taking the time to minister to us.

  28. 28
    laytonfamily says:

    Thanks Curtis for taking the time.

    I can not agree more with John Eldredge books – my husband has read 3 and his eyes have been open greatly!

  29. 29
    valerie says:

    Although I didn't submit a question (I read all of them) I was very eager to read your answers. You did a great job!

    I am going to share this with a friend. When she and her husband were dating a few years ago, he attended church with her every Sunday. Now that they are married he never goes to church. They come from different denomination backgrounds and he has completely different views.

    She would love nothing more than for him to share the most important part of her life (a relationship with the Lord Jesus) and it's just not there.

    I thought your answer on that part was very good.

    Thanks again!
    God bless & have a wonderful holiday weekend.
    Valerie in Oklahoma

  30. 30
    Rhonda says:

    God has granted you much wisdom my friend. Thank you for speaking the truth in love.

  31. 31
    katiegfromtennessee says:

    Hey Curtis:)

    Thankyou for your insight:) I wrote down those Bible study references. I have heard of both:)

    Blessed day to you Curtis!


  32. 32
    Leslie Lauren says:

    Thank you so much, Curtis! I agree that this has been extremely helpful for me. It’d be great if you could come around monthly to keep our spirits high and to remind us of the ways in which we can be encouraged about our spouses. I’ve been saturating myself in the Lord over the past few months, and while my husband hasn’t taken a newfound interest in reading his Bible or praying, he HAS had some wonderful transformations occur which I see very plainly. He is more tender, and more often I see “twinkle” in his eyes when he looks at me. That’s a beautiful thing 🙂

    Anyway, thank you.

  33. 33
    Melissa Terry says:

    This is great; really enjoyed reading your answers. I vote for Part 3, 4, 5…. My vote is every week you answer more questions 🙂

    Bless you…

  34. 34
    jerriann says:

    “Ask Curtis” I’m thinking series! Hmm, Curtis, girls what do you think?

    Straight talking from the man on the women’s questions. I love it.

    I wonder if my man will do a straight talking series with me?

  35. 35
    Darla says:

    This might be weird but next time Curtis posts (please more…great insights!), can he post a picture of himself. I know what all you girls look like, but I’ve never seen him and I’d like to put a face with his words. Plus, I want to see this “loss of hair” thing. Just kidding!

  36. 36
    Theresa says:


    Thank you “Man”….I so appreciate the insight on our husband’s faith walk and where we fit in. It really confirmed what God has been showing me lately. I must remember to be an encourager in my actions and that some of the time that action is to be quiet and still. Thanks again Curtis and may God bless you and your family of four abundantly.


  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Experiencing God!!!
    LOVE IT! We have done i two times as a couple and two times I have led it for small groups!!!
    John Eldredge, Hmmm?
    Good to know this cause
    Men are wondering what to do for other men in this area.
    The men leaders are BEGGING to know what to do.
    Thank You for your sincere answers.
    andrea t.

  38. 38
    Nichole's Mom says:

    Great post!!! I love the questions to ask your kid, do you pay the mortgage… to funny! When our oldest daughter started getting in trouble we ran back to church! We made her go, no matter what. People would look at us cause she had such a mean face on… That is the same girl who went on a missions trip to India and is working on getting her RN so she can be a missionary in Africa!

    Isn’t God GREAT!!!?


  39. 39
    Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife says:

    Oh my gosh, Curtis.

    Being a pw, I’m totally quoting you on the MAKE YOUR KIDS GO TO CHURCH deal.

    Heard a guy on the radio not long idea who. He came here from another country and when asked his impression on the American family he said, “I’m impressed with how well the children have taught the parents to obey.”

    Mine will stay home over my cold, dead, stiffened body and that would be the case whether their daddy was preaching or not! :)))

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    You know in all of these words the same theme is shining through….the most difficult part of being married or being a part of any relationship…….. let the other person be themselves…..and accept them for being themselves!!

    Expectations….put them into perspective….don’t expect more than they can deliver. Remember, we don’t want them expecting more of us, so why do we expect more of them!

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Curtis may want to rethink the advice to help a widow, I encouraged my husband to help a widow of a fellow co-worker, and it ended disastrously for me. The word says to guard your heart, so if anyone wants their husband to help a widow, they should be right alongside him. I have to say tho God has done a work in my life, a work that needed to be done. He used the heartache and pain to make me into what I am still becoming!

  42. 42
    Traci says:

    Wow, funny, smart and a man of God. Amanda is very blessed.

  43. 43
    ems d says:

    ” Going to work, mowing the yard, and taking the family out to dinner are “I love you” from him” -Thank you,

  44. 44
    SuzieM says:

    I really appreciated Curtis taking the time to answer our questions – very helpful 🙂

    England, U.K.

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Thank you, thank you. I’m sorry but one last question… a dear Christian friend of mine just got engaged to a seemingly godly, attractive man from our church. Yes I’m happy for her, but seriously, this woman has slept with at least 4 boyfriends, including one married man. You HAVE to answer this, pleeeaaase: Is this seriously the kind of woman that Christian men want??? Just the fact that she’s pretty and sexual- that’s all men are looking for? Are . You . Kidding . Me???

  46. 46
    Tara says:


    I didn’t ask a question on the first post, but I did read all the questions that the Siestas posted…And I just have to say, GREAT JOB, MAN! Thanks for taking the time to answer these questions from a biblical and wise perspective. We hope to hear more from you in the future!

  47. 47
    Kristy says:

    Thanks Curtis. All of it was helpful to me.

  48. 48
    Cindy in Ferndale says:

    a BIG thumbs up….that was great!

  49. 49
    fuzzytop says:

    Great insights Curtis! Thanks Amanda for putting this Q&A in motion.


  50. 50
    Lindsee Lou says:

    Curtis, thank you so, so much for taking time to answer these questions for us. I especially gained much wisdom from the "single" question. Looking forward to more Q&A's from you, but if not, thanks so much for this one! Amanda is very blessed!

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