The Life of a Minister’s Wife

Part One

The Life of a Ministers Wife – part 1 from stephen proctor on Vimeo.

Part Two

The Life of a Ministers Wife – part 2 from stephen proctor on Vimeo.

Part Three

The Life of a Ministers Wife – part 3 from stephen proctor on Vimeo.

Many thanks to Stephen Proctor for these videos and to Rich Kalonick for our recap video. Thank you for serving us with your gifts!


184 Responses to “The Life of a Minister’s Wife”

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  1. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Our pastors’ wives are so precious. It makes my heart hurt to think they have gone though these kinds of emotions. I can relate somewhat as a career teacher/educator, and how people put big expectations upon us as well. I will remember these posts when I see the “first ladies” of our church, and offer up a special prayer for them. Thank you Beth, for doing this event for these very special people.

  2. 52
    laurieboozer says:

    As I watched the videos and read the comments, tears just welled up in my eyes. It just breaks my heart to get a glimpse of their pain. It gives me even more specific ways to pray for these women. Had to chuckle on the “we’d smoke something if we could” comment. I know that there are also many minister’s wives who are out there thriving and serving, but we all get weary at times. May we lavish some love and mercy on these previous women!

  3. 53
    Shelly says:

    Absolutely overwhelmed by your comments ladies. May you be a group for which we unceasingly pray…

  4. 54
    ღஜღ Bridget ღஜღ says:

    I have to say that My Mother-in-law was a Pastor’s wife (they just recently retired) and I had been dating their son since about 2001 and up had been attending their church.. well It wasn’t just the pastor’s wife that is often talked about in the sermon.. I ened up living with them for 2.5 years while my then fiance served in Japan and Iraq and I couldn’t tell you how many stories were told about my life and things I had done or said.. I have great respect for a pastor’s family as a whole because while I only did it for about 4 years I could not imagine do it all my life. it was hard as some of the things I would have rather they just been left alone. And I was “suppose” to dress a certain way etc.

  5. 55
    ღஜღ Bridget ღஜღ says:

    I have to say that My Mother-in-law was a Pastor’s wife (they just recently retired) and I had been dating their son since about 2001 and up had been attending their church.. well It wasn’t just the pastor’s wife that is often talked about in the sermon.. I ened up living with them for 2.5 years while my then fiance served in Japan and Iraq and I couldn’t tell you how many stories were told about my life and things I had done or said.. I have great respect for a pastor’s family as a whole because while I only did it for about 4 years I could not imagine doing it all my life. it was hard as some of the things I would have rather they just been left alone. I also could not dress like the rest of the teenagers in my church with their jeans and tshirts I wore stalkings and heels and dress suits much like my mother in law..

  6. 56
    Sacha says:

    Those comments from the pastor’s wives have left me speechless. First of all, I want to thank them for being so candid and for sharing them with us. And now, like so many others I want to go pour out alot of love on the wives of our pastors at our church. And I will be more diligent about praying for them all. Thank you for sharing all of this with us!

  7. 57
    Anonymous says:

    As a pastor’s wife, I can relate to these videos on many, many levels. Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone.

  8. 58
    Anonymous says:

    as a minister’s kid, i just watched and nodded my head throughout all the videos. i have never known so many back-stabbing, vindictive people but through the church, the very ones that are suppose to be drawing in the lost. why would anyone want to be a part of that?

    i have also seen pastors brought to a breaking point, that they become emotionally unstable and turn on their staff. they can confide in no one but their wives. what a large burden to bear.

  9. 59
    Anonymous says:

    I read these comments and weep. I couldhave written them all. I am sooo tired of serving 24/7. People don’t realize how many families are sacrificed to the “church” . My husband works 80-90 hours a week, and has little time left for us. He is exhausted, frustrated and severely underpaid. If i could go back, I would never choose this road again.

  10. 60
    Taria M. says:

    I will be praying for all minister’s wives! Many thanks for all the women who shared their hurts and frustrations! I know that I personally had no idea! You are all such special and amazing women! May we all have a new apprecaition for what goes in behind the scenes, and deep in these women’s hearts!

  11. 61
    Dee says:

    Thank you so very much for this insight into the life of the minister’s wife. I am humbled by their thoughts. It gives me a new perspective. We have an interim pastor right now, and his wife is such a blessing. I surely want to be faithful to pray for these ladies. Deidra

  12. 62
    su says:

    Wow, I don’t know what I expected but that sure wasn’t it. I guess I’m naive. Thank you for opening my eyes.

  13. 63
    Jen @ Rolling Through Looneyville says:

    Thanks so much for posting this. As a pastor’s wife, it’s just so freeing to know that if I feel any of this at times, (and I have), that it doesn’t make me alone or less of a believer.

    Or unworthy of the calling my husband has.

    Thank you again.

  14. 64
    Scott says:

    What powerful videos. I am a minister’s wife and can agree with every comment made. Unfortunately, the comments that were positive, I have to admit, my first thought was, “Well, they haven’t been in ministry long enough.”. It is truly a very lonely path sometimes. One that is critiqued at every turn. However, I wasn’t guaranteed a bed of roses when we were called. Blessed are the persecuted for my name’s sake!

  15. 65
    Anonymous says:

    Thank you very, very much for sharing this. It was a much needed perspective, really an eye opener. Thank you again for bringing these things out into the light.

  16. 66
    Anonymous says:

    Wow. I’m deeply humbled. Breathless and without words, really. Grateful more than I can express for the daily sacrifice and service you willingly give. I’ll now pray for pastors’ wives with new zeal, empathy, and fervor. Thank you.

  17. 67
    Melissa says:

    Props to Stephen Proctor and to the vulnerability of these women.

  18. 68
    Longmeadow Mama says:

    I had no idea. My eyes have been opened, and my heart has been flooded with compassion.


  19. 69
    shannon says:

    I LOVE YOU TRACY B. (my pastor’s wife gsbc)

  20. 70
    Anonymous says:

    I originally read this post (watched the videos) about 4 hours ago. I’m back because the minister’s wives comments in the videos have haunted me and caused me to examine my heart in how I have treated our pastor’s wife. If I wasn’t at work I’d be down on my knees asking the Lord’s forgiveness.

    Thank you, Beth and LPM, for heeding the Lord’s call to put on this conference for minister’s wives and thank you for sharing with the rest of us some of their challenges. I stand convicted.

  21. 71
    Anonymous says:

    This really hit my heart. I struggle with my husband’s work associates and how intimately my husband knows them just because they work so closely day in and day out.

    It is a real struggle. My scripture cards have really helped me not fear and to replace the negative thoughts with God’s thoughts.

  22. 72
    Kay - Bluebird Sightings says:

    I’m a pastor’s wife who commented on the original but was not able to attend the conference. Thanks for giving us a taste. Thank you also to the many women who have left sweet and merciful comments today. Be sure to spread those on to your pastor’s wife; she needs them. To the commentor who said she had tried to invite their pastor and his wife over for dinner several times without success, don’t give up. Sometimes we ministry families do indeed confuse people’s sincere invitations with just another invitation to “talk church.” Assure the wife that you just want to hang out and get to know them personally. Steer away from church talk as much as possible and you will probably make a great friend. I’m going to specifically pray that your efforts go well and are well received by your pastor and his wife.

    Thanks Beth and Amanda for sharing this little bit about ministers’ wives. It is a peculiar role, but such a blessing too.

  23. 73
    Anonymous says:

    you were right.
    we should know these things.
    we should pray more, love more, and remember our pastor’s families more often.

  24. 74
    Anonymous says:

    Oh wow! I am in tears from laughing and crying. Thank you for posting these comments. From a PW: THANK YOU!!! I don’t have time to watch the other 2 videos b/c I have to leave for “church” soon…and don’t want my eyes to be swollen! LOL B/c ALL PW’s know that everyone will want to know what is WRONG??? ha ha ha LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!! Can’t wait to watch the other 2 videos.

  25. 75
    Anonymous says:

    All these comments are right on… true! To all those women out there who hold us up in prayer – thank you so very much!

  26. 76
    Mindy says:

    Thank you for sharing these. I wish I could have went to the conference!

    From a pastors wife!

  27. 77
    Anonymous says:

    I’m going to comment anonymously today…many of those comments on the video I echo in my heart. I’m afraid that one day, I’m going to burst. Like the first anonymous I’m tired of my husband treating those he “ministers” to better than he does me and my daughter. Part of me wants to call him out on it in front of everyone. I know this sounds bitter and angry. It is something I have to pray about daily. Sometimes I wonder if I married the right person…I’m so tired of it all. I’m so tired of not being “myself”.

  28. 78
    Mr. and Mrs. D says:

    I am not a minister’s wife, but I have always had a heart for them and what it must be like.

    I noticed that many, many wives said their marriages were under attack.

    Campus Crusade for Christ’s Family Life department offers FREE conferences to their A Weekend to Remember for pastors and their wives.

    This could be a huge blessing to our pastors and their wives.

    You can google it for more info.

  29. 79
    Anonymous says:

    Thank you for sharing this post. I am not a pastor’s wife but I felt so much compassion as I read through their comments. The comment that really got me was “sometimes sheep bite.” Oh, ladies (myself included), may we learn how to use our mouths in ways that are more pleasing to our Father….to edify and encourage one another.

  30. 80
    Anonymous says:

    I hate so much I wasn’t able to attend this conference but thankfully, it was because I was at a retreat with the women from my own congregation whom I love dearly – and I’m pretty certain love me back.

    I hope this was a time for to refocus on the positives of ministry. There are so very many wonderful things about serving Christ by loving His people even when they don’t seem to appreciate the time and emotional energy we pour into it.

    When I get discouraged, I claim Hebrews 12:3-4 which says, “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.”

    I’m not at all diminishing the difficulties, believe me, I’ve experienced a belly full. But truly, this life is about perspective. If God wasn’t continually giving me a fresh dose of that, I would have begged Luke to quit a long time ago. As it is, if he told me he was leaving ministry I would curl up in a ball and die!

  31. 81
    Anonymous says:

    I thank you all who expressed such honest feelings. You have opened many eyes ~ including my own. I pray for all of you, and will now be more mindful of finding ways to encourage the ministers wives in my own church.

  32. 82
    Tiffany says:

    Wow. Can I just say that while reading all of those comments I could agree with almost all of them. The woman who commented about having it hard to share her husband with emotionally needy women. That is hard for anyone to see. Thank you again ladies for this. And thank you for the encouragement and eficiation that is so needed!!!! Sometimes we feel completely lonely and that we have no one to turn to help share our burdens.



  33. 83
    Leslie Young says:

    I am completely overwhelmed. I am literally turning off my computer this minute and going hug my minister’s wife! I love her so much, and I’m pretty sure she knows it, but I feel a holy compulsion to remind her RIGHT NOW!

  34. 84
    Anonymous says:

    thank you.

  35. 85
    Kristy says:

    Oh how my heart goes out to all these women!

  36. 86
    Dara says:

    Wow. I’m not a minister’s wife, but as I read each statement, I could see how true they were. I pray we – as the Body of Christ – learn to grow up IN HIM in all things… that we will not be takers from our pastors, their wives, and their children… but that we will be givers to them, instead. I pray this changes our prayer lives where our pastors are concerned.

    Thanks so much for this eye opening post.

  37. 87
    Lyn says:

    I am not a ministers wife. Watching these videos brought tears to my eyes.
    Thank you for sharing these.

  38. 88
    Anonymous says:

    Tears are pouring down my face as I think of my mother, a pastor’s wife. The children (like me) see and feel a lot of the same. Don’t think for a minute they don’t. I’m 40 and the memories get the best of me sometimes. Oh, the stories! God sees and knows! As a young teen, I just knew by the Holy Spirit within me, that I had to always press toward the mark. God is faithful. (Oh, I didn’t marry a pastor. God answered that prayer.) I’m still serving him. I’ve beat the odds. Praise God!

  39. 89
    Katie says:

    I have had great concern for my own pastor wife, pastor family for that matter. As much as I appreciate the insight, I would also like to know what I can do to help support my pastor family. I pray and give words of encouragement but sometimes I would like to do more but don’t know what.

  40. 90
    hisfivefooter says:

    This was timely. The best way Satan can get in is from the inside out, not so noticable. I have seen the way the body of Christ acts, both good and bad. I come from a family with pastors for over 8 generations. I can remember my grandmother taking off her shoes and pounding them together to shake the dust from her feet because the church they were ministering at would not accept the Gospel. My favorite comment out of those was “Sometimes sheep bite”. God forgive us for the way we have acted and help us to help our shepherds instead of hindering them.
    Lisa in Kirkland, WA

  41. 91
    Anonymous says:

    Thank you. It is very lonely place sometimes. Reading these comments, reminds me that I am not alone, and makes it a little less lonely.

  42. 92
    Moose Mama says:

    My husband was a minister for many years. I remember many of those feelings…and then some. My sweet husband was more supportive to me than I was to him, I think. He let so much just slide off of him, in situations where I wanted to be “loud”.

    I need to affirm my pastor’s wives more.


  43. 93


  44. 94
    Anonymous says:

    Thank you for posting these. It helps so much to know that we are not alone–loneliness is a common struggle for me. Even other minister’s wives (at least in the tradition in which my husband serves) are often stand-off-ish to one another. I don’t get it!

    Beth, you certainly have the heart to minister to us and I thank my God for you and your ministry! I’ll take more of your ministering any time the Lord leads you! 🙂

  45. 95
    Iamblessed says:

    I never knew it was so hard and lonely to be a minister’s wife. Thank you for sharing. It has opened up a new avenue of prayer for me.

  46. 96
    Georgia Jan says:

    Amanda: I LOVED THESE while there, and I am so glad to have the privilege to read them again, and I love the soulful music that accompanies them. When I was at the conference this weekend, these heartfelt thoughts from my peers touched me beyond measure and I literally WEPT (and laughed…)!

    This conference was hands down the best I have ever attended. You could tell it was much prayed for.

    I have never felt so safe and so loved and the prayer time for the widow of Rev. Winters was a time I will never forget. To hear 1,200 women praying together!

    Beth’s messages and the worship time with Travis were so on. I loved the hymn sing on Saturday morning!

    I sure love y’all and this blog community is so great!

    Georgia Jan

  47. 97
    Amanda May says:

    I’m not a Minister’s wife, but I now have a whole new appreciation for the sacrifices they make…wow!! Thank you so much for sharing!

  48. 98
    Talk About It says:

    I have been a Pastor’s wife for twenty five years. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done (next to being married and being a mother) – but I would not trade any of it. We have been in many churches – many “killer” churches, I can honestly say that it has been worth the journey (years at our current Sr. pastor position)to be where we are today. I want to encourage you fellow sisters – it is not an easy road, but if God has called your husband – put your feet in his shoes, walk his shoes to the closet (praying all the while) and KNOW, you are called too. This is not a job – it is a calling, if it wasn’t I would never have made it this far.

    My heart has been burdened for our staff wives, thanks for the videos Beth – amazing. I plan to show them to my pastor, husband, keeper of my heart, and hopefully to the church. How timely.

    ONWARD Christian Soldiers!!!

  49. 99
    Carolina Light says:

    Wow. I have a whole new perspective on ministers’ wives. Thank you for the insight.

  50. 100
    tealovingmom says:

    Thank you, dear pastor’s wives, for sharing your heart with us. I know I am not alone in saying that all YOU do for your congregations is so appreciated and valued. You are so, so dearly loved first and foremost by your heavenly Father, and also by the women like me you so faithfully serve. I loved reading these posts…now I have more specific direction on how to pray for my pastor’s wife and all pastor’s wives in general.


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