by Melissa Moore
Do you ever have those days that you just feel sort of disillusioned by life? I mean, most of the time I feel content and satisfied with my life. After all, I have an incredible job that I absolutely love and an amazing family that I adore but every once in a while I get this nagging and empty feeling that something just isn’t quite right. I’m not talking about the kind of day when you are plagued by an argument you had with a good friend or family member or even the kind of day when you’ve dropped your car keys one too many times. I am talking about the kind of day when nothing in particular is wrong but, still, there is an overwhelming restlessness deep down in your soul. Then again, perhaps I am the only Christian who still experiences disheartening days when, in the midst of so much, I can’t figure out what is missing.
I think that this struggle may be due to the tension between living in the midst of an already but not yet kingdom. The tension of living in an already but not yet kingdom is not just theological in nature, for it plays out in everyday life experience. In one sense we already experience the realities of the kingdom of God but in another sense we still wrestle with the flawed kingdom of humankind. For example, we have been set free from the law of sin and death and so no longer have to carry the burden of guilt or the fear of everlasting punishment. Sometimes, however, the “not yet” nature of the kingdom is overwhelming. For all practical purposes we still fear physical death even though we know that we will rise with Christ on the final day to reign with him forever and ever. We still mourn, even though we now do so as those who have hope for final resurrection. We can rejoice in the liberating freedom that we have now in this life because of our forgiveness of sin and our identification with Christ. At the same time, however, we long to be rid of the sin that plagues us individually and the sin that plagues our world on an everyday basis. Though we have been fully redeemed, we have not yet experienced our redemption in full.
So I guess what I mean is that, even though I know full well that I am called to be an ambassador for Jesus Christ on this earth since the kingdom has not yet been fully consummated, every once in a while my soul is just flat restless. As I was reading Jesus’ farewell discourse to his disciples this morning (John 13-17), I couldn’t help but feel their pain. After washing his disciples’ feet, Jesus all at once tells them, “My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come” (John 14:33). This is brutal news for the disciples who had spent countless mind-boggling and miraculous days with God himself! But Jesus, the ultimate comforter, then tells them, “Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you…I will come back and take you to be with me” (14:1-3). I don’t know about you, but even though I love my life and feel burdened to continue spreading the good news of the gospel, I can’t wait to see the place that Jesus has prepared for us. I can’t wait to see heaven opened with all its brilliance. And, most of all, I can’t wait for the presence of God to finally be with men; I mean, for him to actually dwell with us!
Sometimes life is just plain hard and it seems that the suffering switch has been turned on to the highest degree. Other times we are puzzled by relationships or difficult job circumstances. And, then, there are other times that something just feels a bit off deep down in our hearts. Nothing in particular has gone wrong. Maybe it is quite the opposite. Maybe everything has gone right and that haunting, restless feeling still lurks behind and mocks us! What is that about? Aren’t Christians supposed to be content in every situation? Joyful at all times? I find it interesting that the same man who urged us to be content and joyful in every situation also told us that he struggled with desiring to depart and be in the Lord’s presence. Though he found it necessary to press on and do the Lord’s work on earth, he said, “To live is Christ and to die is gain…I am torn between the two” (Philippians 1:21-26). Maybe it isn’t so bad, then, to recognize every once in a while that we are truly longing for a better country, a heavenly country, one that is being prepared for us by the nail-scarred hands of the resurrected Christ.
Let us hold fast to the promise that we will reign with King Jesus, in perfected, holy, and unblemished resurrected bodies, forever and ever in the new kingdom and let us rejoice that our names are written in heaven (Luke 10:20).
“Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come”
Revelation 4:8.
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
Oh Melissa,
Thankyou for putting into words what has been going on inside my soul for the last three days. I love how God uses others to help us identify what is going on. I am now going to rest in the beauty of the Lord’s peace until my restlessness goes away.
In His Peace and Love
Pam
I felt it, and you said it. I have a lot of friends who I’ve been trying to explain this to, but they don’t seem to understand. Think I’ll send them a link to this so maybe you can explain it to them. Thanks SO much!
Melissa,
Thank you so much for your blessed words! It reminds me of something the Lord spoke so clearly into my heart last winter – “This is NOT your home!” I needed to hear that reminder.
The last 4-5 months have been very difficult for me. I’ve had three major (aka stressful) life situations occur, topped off by anxiety-induced panic attacks. I started seeing a Christian counselor about a month ago and I am waiting patiently on the Lord for my deliverance from this pit. You words were a fresh new perspective that I haven’t allowed myself to meditate on in quite a while. What an encouragement for me to remember that my struggles here on earth are light and momentary and I will one day be fully restored with Him!
Amen, Siesta!
I recently read Randy Alcorn’s book, “Heaven”. It’s a must read! Now I can’t wait for Heaven – while tied to this earth and my love for life as God has granted it.
Thanks for the reminder that when things are a little off, it’s not just us, it’s our longing for Heaven.
Hi Girl!
I feel that way at times too, well, really, every day. I think that’s why Paul said he had to die to himself daily. When I look at world events and all the suffering that goes on, I can’t help but pray for Jesus to come and SOON!! Then, I think how much I love being here with my kids and my husband and feel deeply connected to planet earth – despite being a foreigner in a foreign land. All in all, I’d be lost if my soul should ever stop aching and longing for His presence. It’s Him that continually calls us home, knocks on the doors of our hearts and beckons our love. I love that and I love Him!!!
Blessings!
Monica
This was so well put! God intended for me to read this today. I struggle with this restlessness, too. I also have come to realize that maybe we need a little restlessness to urge us to pursue Him even more. Heaven help me if I ever become content enough that I no longer desire to grow in Christ!
Thanks for your precious words.
Blessings,
faithful chick
http://www.faithfulchick.blogspot.com
I am so in awe of our Lord and Savior. Just when you think that you are traveling alone He graciously brings another traveler along side and the walk seems somewhat lighter.
My son, actually stepson, passed on to glory in September. He was only 39 and had really struggled with his faith, he really felt that he had become an atheist. He would tell you that if you asked about his relationship with Jesus. His father and I prayed that he would not go home until he had the our son back in the palm of his mighty hand. Four days before he passed he went into a coma, I am certain that he was wrestling with God just as Jacob had and finally our son saw Jesus face to face.
On the day he passed we prayed that the Lord would give us “a sign” that he was home and in a sky so black that no shone and no visible way there was a very glorious and vibrant rainbow, huge, the widest rainbow we have ever witnessed AND it didn’t bow, it went straight up into heaven.
No we don’t mourn as others we have the gift and promise that our walk is not alone, He is with us, answers our deepest prayers and brings others alongside to help us walk.
Thank you so very much for your honesty and strength to serve!
You just spoke straight to my heart. Thank you for your transparency. I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one who has those restless days!
Have you ever read “Journey of Desire” by John Eldredge. He does a great job of pointing out what that restless feeling is about and giving an eternal perspective to it! Very good!!!!
When studying Moses, I found the word used for him as ‘fair’ in Acts is the idea of someone who is high born – from the city as opposed to the country. We are an uncommon, peculiar people and no doubt will never feel at home with what The Message refers to as “the natives”.
And yes, I want to go home. I’m just not sure if I want to today.
This was a fantastic post…Always a thrill hearing from you!
I never thought of those times in my life as something special as you’ve explained. When I get that feeling I try to analyze it too much and wonder what’s wrong with me, why am I feeling this way, is it my past? etc. Now I can call it what it is, homesickness for my heavenly dwelling. 🙂
I thought I was the only one who had those days, thanks for putting it into perspective. Melissa you are as gifed as your mother, taking what ever situation and allowing God to use it to bless and teach us. Amen
Cindy
Amen!
Melissa,
Such wisdom from one so young. I love this blog. It is so good to hear that I am not the only one who experiences a restlessnes and a longing for my future home, right now!!!
I am blessed to have a group of siestas to share my feeling with on a daily basis. We communicate via e-mail through the week and then get together on Wednesday for some in person loving and hugging.
We meet at a local restaurant every week before our bible study. We are finishing up A Woman’s Heart, God’s dwelling place. There are usually about 10 to 12 of us for the meal, including husbands and kids It is one big praise service. We do a lot of laughing and talking but when we join hands to ask the Lord blessings it is a very solemn and precious moment. I thank God for this hump-day revival. It helps to keep away the longings until that better day comes and we see our wonderful Lord and live with Him in Glory!!
I am glad you are finding time to add your spin to the blog. I already love reading your mother and sister’s post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
I was just sharing last night with an elder in our church how much us “newer” Christians appreciate knowing that people we think are so much more spiritual than we are suffer from some of the same afflictions we do (ok, that’s wordy & I don’t know if that makes sense).
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable with your bloggy siestas and sharing you with us. I’m sure I can speak for many on here when I say that I look forward to getting to know you.
Love ~ Cathy
Melissa,
This is something I have struggled with for many years. (I am 67 years old) It is comforting to know that someone that is involved in ministry as you are, can have these feelings of “is this all there is to that?” It is at these times that I question whether I have repented of everything I need to, have I dealt with my “stuff”. What more am I supposed to be doing?
And then as quick as it comes, it goes until the next time!
Maybe that longing is to remind us that this isn’t all there is and better things are coming, when we see Christ face to face.
Thank you for your good work.
Melissa,
I know just how you feel. I get an actual homesick feeling in the pit of my stomach even when I’m at home and I never understood it until I learned doing your Mom’s Bible studies that it’s our inner longer to go to our real home with the Lord! Thank you so much for sharing. You too are a gifted writer as well as your Mom and sister!
Michelle
Waco, TX
Thank you for sharing, Melissa. I can’t wait to see Him either and to actually be with Him. This earth is not our home and though we have much to be grateful for as I almost daily say to my friends,family and co-workers “This isn’t heaven!!!” Because of Jesus some day we’ll be there!!! Thank you for the reminder that it’s O.K. we struggle. And I am encouraged by all the blog sisters and their hearts. In Jesus’ Love Kathy Knoblock
I guess I always thought these days meant I was off somehow! Thanks for sharing your heart and giving me insight into my own ocassonally not quite right days.
Shari
We are not of this world truly, are we? Even though looking into the faces of our loved ones and our precious children is a blessing, the Spirit in us longs to be home. Home home.
A great reminder, thank you.
loved this post Melissa…
your beautiful weighty words well received…
longing with you all for another country…no longer a citizen here…
it’s what we were made for…
it’s the Day we live for…
I am not a citizen of this world longing to make it to heaven.
I am a citizen of Heaven trying to make it through this “suffering switch” as you say and it is so very hard for me right now but worth anything we have to go through…
You reminded me of the St. Augustine quote – “our hearts are restless till we find our REST in Thee” and it won’t be complete rest till we are in His Presence. I cannot even imagine seeing Him face to face forever…ooohh!
So we groan – Romans 8: 22-26 – with groanings too deep for words…
while all Creation groans for Him.
So, we’ll keep on asking Him to advance His Kingdom through us while we groan. And long for that day when the Heavens will be thrown open for me, for you, and we will be ushered into our beautiful God’s Presence. Oh!!
“we groan inwardly and
wa wait eagerly for our adoption,
the Redemption of our bodies”…
amen!
thank you for a beautiful post!
Thanks! You spoke my heart!
what a thinker you are Melissa. My uneasiness comes not from what you shared but not knowing him. I am trying hard to get it. But, I find myself avoiding him on a daily, weekly, yearly bases and I think if I am good, go to church and all that i will get it? Or, if i get tons of prayer I will get it? I bought a book i was intrigue with “All of Grace” by Spurgeon. I started reading it. it seems too simple! And I am too stubborn and not aware of the dangers that await me.
Ever since I read your blog
about having the desire for God’s
people to want to serve them –
and to create an awareness of the
gospel of Jesus Christ, I
have had this very feeling. It
seems like every where I turn, I
am receiving all kinds of
messages relating to this very
subject. In fact, our pastor
just gave a message
about “thirsting for God’s
people” and at times although I
have so much joy on the inside
and do feel complete – I
still long for that heavenly
dwelling as well as sharing the
message of Christ. Oh what a
day it will be.
Thanks for penning in such a
beautiful, wonderful way… your
words are simply refreshing.
Love you all you siestas so
much!! Alisa in Cheraw, SC
I often have those days,and long for His return! Living in a world so evil, Praise God this is not our home!
Come Lord Jesus!
Thank you Melissa for your words.
God Bless you and your family
Melissa, I’m with you. As far as lives go I am truly blessed, but I CANNOT wait to get to Heaven and be rid of all this flesh and its desires. I long for the day when I will serve my Lord with a pure heart and worship Him in spirit and in truth. I also can’t wait to spend time with the other believers that I never had the pleasure of knowing here on earth. Wanna do lunch in Heaven? 🙂 Thanks for sharing your heart.
I was so moved by the blog of Anonymous 8:31, her life has held so much sorrow and she has lived so unselfishly, in an age where natural parents do not put their children first. May God give her a large and loving “family” and may she share in the inheritance of those who fear His name. Shalom
Amen, siesta! What blessed hope we have in Him! I am lookin up!
Hi Melissa, Thank you for sharing that intimate feeling with us. I have personally been struggling with that type of feeling for some time. For me, at times, there seems to almost be a wrestling match within. I know that the Holy Spirit resides within, and I also know that sin part of me that exists. Those two living in the same place can cause some major unrest at times. I desire to be with the Lord and yearn for my divine home with Him. Yet, I live here and acknowledge His purpose for me now, at this time. My relationship with God is moving, we’re growing together, we’re relational and communicating . . . yet unrest and wrestling. I guess that part of me deep within will continue to have a type of restless yearning until I meet Him in the air or upon my death. Thank you for sharing with us. The realness in our relationships is so important. -JH
AMEN!!!!! I know exactly what you mean I just dont think I could have expressed any better than you! Thanks for sharing….it was something I totally needed to read today!…..Lexi
To Beth, Amanda, Melissa, and all my blog sisters,
“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”
I love that greeting – it’s my favorite way to start a letter – which means you’ll probably see it every time I leave a comment.
First, Melissa – you go girl! I was not going to get on here and gush all over your post – brilliant though it was – gushing just doesn’t seem to be your style, but the teacher in me had to congratulate you for a job well done.
Amanda, Due to reasons for which I take full responsibility, I have not always been very fond of this whole blog thing. God has been teaching me, and yes, sisters, some discipline has been a part of the process, so since the Thanksgiving post in particular, I’ve come to appreciate this blog for the tool that it is. I’m glad to be a part of the LPM blog sisterhood. Thanks, Amanda, for coming up with the idea.
Beth, your youngest daughter’s brilliant post on your oldest daughter’s brilliant blog was followed by your equally brilliant teaching, The Power of Words on Life Today. The three are connected because yesterday, (before I read Melissa’s post or heard your teaching today) I was pondering that very idea that we wouldn’t be completely free of our flesh and the propensity to hurt the feelings of others with our words until we’re raised incorruptible and in the glorious presence of our Lord Jesus Christ. I don’t know about anybody else, but I can’t wait!
To all my sisters, You’re probably familiar with The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. Well, my love language is affirming words. The reason I share this is because for the person whose primary love language is affirming words, negative words can be and often are as devestating as positive words are affirming.
While we wait for His appearing, I’m going to follow directions, and speak words in this lengthy comment that edify. Ladies, if you’re in need of affirmation or if you just need to hear God say the words, “I love you,” get out your Bible and start with the gospel of John. Romans 5:8 is another favorite, “But God demonstrated His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.”
I appoligize for the length of this, but it has been on my heart to leave a comment today.
Love and blessings to all of you,
Patti
A Florida Siesta who is now glad to be a part of the blog family
Dear Melissa,
Thank you so much for your words. As a lot of our fellow siesta have said you are not alone. I, myself, find I have had these same feelings. This past week starting the holiday season I seem to start having a long for something more in my life. I see close friends (couples) so much in love just simply the way they look at one another or hold hands. It makes me long for that in a relationship. I found myself this weekend on my way to a my friends house and I just started crying longing for something or someone. I have been single (divorced) for 9 almost 10yrs and my sons are almost grown. The holidays have away of making me feel alone. But then I realize I am not alone and that any time that I wish I can reach out and hold the only hand that matters and will get me through these times. Thank you so much for your words and blog. I know this blog is as much apart of God’s work as anything else. Because just when a person needs to read it the message reaches out and touches so many of us in that right moment. Thank you.
Your Siesta in Christ
Becky
Attalla, AL
Beth, Amanda & Melissa,
I LOVE this blog!!! I have been an avid reader for several months, but have never posted a comment until now. I’ve had some spiritually & emotionally dark days as a wife & new mom & God has used your specific words to loudly love on me & to encourage my heart (& to rebuke me ever so gently on occasion). Y’all have had me laughing & crying so many times. I love it! I thank God for y’all & for your ministry through this blog! Thank you!
-Sarah in Ohio
P.S. My Jackson is 18 mos. old & I too have a crazy golden retriever, Cooper, who has never met a stranger! 🙂
Melissa, when will you be writing a book, I’ll put my order in now.
Well said.
Amy in SC
I long for heaven, where everything that is wrong now will be made right.
Amen…and amen. I feel like I am walking through a wilderness while also experiencing some wonderous blessings. Thanks for the post.
I feel like that often!! We are in full time service as missionaries and we face this world in its rawest form much of the time. I do long for heaven. And yet, I feel so honored that I get to do what I do and feel the Lord’s presence so much. I can hardly imagine what it will be like when we really do dwell with Him in all his glory. WOW. Glory to HIM.
Melissa,
Oh I have felt like this so much recently. I know I am doing what God has called me to do for now (be a mommy and lead women’s Bible studies) but I feel like I want to do SO much more. Some days I want to just sell everything and be a missionary – my hubby doesn’t think that is such a great idea – LOL!!
God has such a specific plan for each of us and sometimes we are just where He needs us. We have to be still and listen to where He wants to use us next – oh the anticipation is half the fun 🙂
God bless sweet siesta – it is so good to hear from you again.
You are a true joy!!
Kim
Just a few days ago as I sat doing my “90 Days with the One and Only” devotion, I imagined what it will be like when we see Christ. To just put our head on His shoulder and sigh one last time. Because it will all be over then. All the pain, toil, suffering and “being torn” will be over. What sweet relief it will be! I sat there with my head on a pillow and imagined it was Christ’s shoulder. How I long for Him to come. Thank you, Melissa, for your inspiring words.
Wow, I can not believe that someone I have never even met can put my feelings in to words so eloquently. You described everything I feel at times. I have been having some of those restless days recently and now I am so blessed to know that I am not alone. Thanks Melissa for sharing from your heart. You have blessed me. I also thank you for your words of insight. You are truly your mom’s daughter. Blessings on your weekend.
Julie
There are days that my journaling just stalls…I know there is something I want, need, am looking for. At the end of my quiet time, I’ve just written, “come, Lord Jesus, come”.
I wonder how many of us fill that need, longing with food, addictions, bad behavior, tears?
Blessings,
Susan
I know exactly how you feel. I will cry on the way home from having dinner with some of the dearest girls I know – because I feel lonely. It’s hard to explain actually. But you can be surrounded by people that love you and care about you and have Fun with you, but in the midst of it all – you get why you feel “disconnected someone.” In the end – the only one who really “gets” me and “knows” me is my Lord. I am closer to no one else than my husband, but even still – it’s my God who knows me best. And isn’t that the way it should be! I love my God. I am in love with God. I yearn for my Heavenly home. But until then, I eagerly await and take deep breathes anticipating His return. Then I will be at home. Surrounded by all my lovely family. Glory!!!
I thought of another song that describes the “Meanwhile we grown” (MWG) syndrome. Stephen Curtis Chapman’s “We Are Not Home Yet.” I’ve always loved the bridge in that song that goes “let us not grow weary or too content to stay” ’cause we are not home yet!
And let’s not forget the precious hymn “When we all get to Heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be! When we all see Jesus we’ll sing and shout the victory! (Shout the victory!)” I love to sing that song in church and look all around me at the faces and imagine that glorious day. It’s about more than I can stand!
Love & blessings to LPM family & blog siestas!
Amen! Come Lord Jesus, come!
Melissa,
Thank you for sharing so openly with us. You are not alone and neither are we.
This year has been without a doubt the most difficult of my life. We lost both of our parents this summer, exactly one month a part to the day. Our mother fought cancer for four and a half years and our father had a massive stroke the day she passed.
earlier this week I did log on as I do everyday because this blog is such a blessing to me but I had the stomach flu and just read part of your entry. I have read it again and some of the other entries as well. Enough to know that even though I am “all alone” in this town as far as blood family is concerned I have many many in the family of God here and I have this wonderful blog with my siestas!
Oh I how I long to have Jesus come now! I am sturggling and I must confess that right now I am not counting it “pure joy” to go through this.
Thank you again to all three of you for being so honest and open with your sharing.
Thank you so much I am not he only one who has that longing deep inside.
I try and see these days as a longing for home. There are days where I feel like a kid away at camp. I am having fun here, but I know that at the end of the camp I am going home. Home is somewhere that has a nice bed rather than a bunk, where Mom cooks food that isn’t mass produced. Camp is good, like life on this earth is good, but Heaven well that is just where all the best stuff is just waiting on us to get home. Some of us have close family members, children, spouses, friends and people that we ache to see again, but more than that our Father is there waiting on us.
As a mother of a daughter with special needs life here can sometimes be heartwrenching, but knowing what is on the other side of those clouds makes it doable. I know that once we make it to that point she will be as perfect as I see her, and I have to say that just makes me ready for us all to be there together. Sometimes I imagine what it will be like when the trumpets sound and EVERY knee bows, wow what a day..
I have to say your thoughts made me cry. There is so much to do. The standards we set are so high. We keep pressing on, pushing through, for our friends, our kids our families,
ourselves. Sometimes I lose sight of the Glory. I forget I have something very real and so much better to look forward to. Something so wonderful it will humble me when I realize that I like Martha should be at His feet instead.
Thanks for the reminder,
Kathy
Melissa, I’ve had those days too. I pray that I have those longings more and that my teenage children have them as well. I don’t want to be content here — sure, I love my family and life is good, but I want more of Him.