by Melissa Moore
Do you ever have those days that you just feel sort of disillusioned by life? I mean, most of the time I feel content and satisfied with my life. After all, I have an incredible job that I absolutely love and an amazing family that I adore but every once in a while I get this nagging and empty feeling that something just isnāt quite right. Iām not talking about the kind of day when you are plagued by an argument you had with a good friend or family member or even the kind of day when youāve dropped your car keys one too many times. I am talking about the kind of day when nothing in particular is wrong but, still, there is an overwhelming restlessness deep down in your soul. Then again, perhaps I am the only Christian who still experiences disheartening days when, in the midst of so much, I canāt figure out what is missing.
I think that this struggle may be due to the tension between living in the midst of an already but not yet kingdom. The tension of living in an already but not yet kingdom is not just theological in nature, for it plays out in everyday life experience. In one sense we already experience the realities of the kingdom of God but in another sense we still wrestle with the flawed kingdom of humankind. For example, we have been set free from the law of sin and death and so no longer have to carry the burden of guilt or the fear of everlasting punishment. Sometimes, however, the ānot yetā nature of the kingdom is overwhelming. For all practical purposes we still fear physical death even though we know that we will rise with Christ on the final day to reign with him forever and ever. We still mourn, even though we now do so as those who have hope for final resurrection. We can rejoice in the liberating freedom that we have now in this life because of our forgiveness of sin and our identification with Christ. At the same time, however, we long to be rid of the sin that plagues us individually and the sin that plagues our world on an everyday basis. Though we have been fully redeemed, we have not yet experienced our redemption in full.
So I guess what I mean is that, even though I know full well that I am called to be an ambassador for Jesus Christ on this earth since the kingdom has not yet been fully consummated, every once in a while my soul is just flat restless. As I was reading Jesusā farewell discourse to his disciples this morning (John 13-17), I couldnāt help but feel their pain. After washing his disciplesā feet, Jesus all at once tells them, āMy children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot comeā (John 14:33). This is brutal news for the disciples who had spent countless mind-boggling and miraculous days with God himself! But Jesus, the ultimate comforter, then tells them, āDo not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Fatherās house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for youā¦I will come back and take you to be with meā (14:1-3). I donāt know about you, but even though I love my life and feel burdened to continue spreading the good news of the gospel, I canāt wait to see the place that Jesus has prepared for us. I canāt wait to see heaven opened with all its brilliance. And, most of all, I canāt wait for the presence of God to finally be with men; I mean, for him to actually dwell with us!
Sometimes life is just plain hard and it seems that the suffering switch has been turned on to the highest degree. Other times we are puzzled by relationships or difficult job circumstances. And, then, there are other times that something just feels a bit off deep down in our hearts. Nothing in particular has gone wrong. Maybe it is quite the opposite. Maybe everything has gone right and that haunting, restless feeling still lurks behind and mocks us! What is that about? Arenāt Christians supposed to be content in every situation? Joyful at all times? I find it interesting that the same man who urged us to be content and joyful in every situation also told us that he struggled with desiring to depart and be in the Lordās presence. Though he found it necessary to press on and do the Lordās work on earth, he said, āTo live is Christ and to die is gainā¦I am torn between the twoā (Philippians 1:21-26). Maybe it isnāt so bad, then, to recognize every once in a while that we are truly longing for a better country, a heavenly country, one that is being prepared for us by the nail-scarred hands of the resurrected Christ.
Let us hold fast to the promise that we will reign with King Jesus, in perfected, holy, and unblemished resurrected bodies, forever and ever in the new kingdom and let us rejoice that our names are written in heaven (Luke 10:20).
āHoly, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to comeā
Revelation 4:8.
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
Oh, man…..thank you, thank you, thank you!!! So well said.
There are times when I feel as though I can live from “crisis to crisis” much easier, as God is so close and His peace is incomparable to anything this life has to offer. Doing the “day to day” is challenging….then I feel abnormal…like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way….Living for Christ is sometimes harder than dying for Christ…
For me, that is when God gently reminds me that He has given me the spirtual weapons to fight the battle that rages around me daily, and in this season of my life, He wants me to “get in the battle”..I am to glorify God and as John Piper says, “God is most glorified in me, when I am most satisfied in Him”.
or its the “end of another bible study” blues!!!!!
Thank you, Melissa. That so hits home with me. When I feel that way, I never quite understand why. I am glad that I am not the only one to have those feelings.
Amen, Melissa!
Just did the last session to Jesus the One and Only with my Bible study group. He will come back–hallelujah!
Maranatha–come quickly, Lord Jesus!
Joanne
P.S. So fun to hear from you!
James 1:2-4- He talks about rejoicing in our challenges,and while I TRY to do this, it can be hard…I too long to be in that heavenly place sometimes, away from the suffereing and earthly baggage we deal with here. I can totally relate to this post. Thanks for sharing your heart with us today. Sometimes I feel “ungrateful” for wanting this earthly journey to end soon, but dang, it can be HARD!! Great to see you posting Melissa- we love to hear from you! Have a great week!
Amen.
What else needs to be said. š
Anticipating HIM!
steph.
Wow Melissa that was so good…it blessed me SO MUCH..can’t thank you enough for sharing that!!
I have felt the exact same way!
Val
Hey Melissa,
What a great reflection! You have articulated something that I have been feeling off and on during this season of my life. I’m glad to know I’m not alone. š
Your mom once compared our transition from earth to heaven to the act of taking off one coat and replacing it with another (I think it was the Daniel study?). Well, on days like the one you described, I get an urge to strip off this coat and move on to the next one, if you know what I mean.
But, lately as I have been asking God to prepare my heart for Christmas, He has given me a whole new perspective on those longings for a heavenly country. In a strange way, longings like those give us a glimpse of what our precious Savior gave up to come to earth in the lowly form of a baby to save us. What he and the Father must have felt just prior to the Incarnation! He emptied himself of his equality with God to take on the form of a human body constrained by the very restlessness you describe. That’s what’s been getting me through the day like the one you described!
Love,
Missy
I know exactly how you feel. I’m at a point now where I’m bogged down with work and family and while I want to be faithful and finish the work He has for me, I can’t help but long for the day when I will be with Him face to face and be able to rest in His glory.
Oh, Melissa. Your post really resonates with me today. I’ve felt so homesick for heaven lately and long for Jesus to come and whisk me away. I want him to hold me and tell me stories. I want to see my grandpa and grandma, dear friends, and MY SON again.
I think that restlessness you speak of is the inconvenience of living out of a suitcase until we get to go to our real homes. It can’t come soon enough, can it?!
Thanks for your words!
Amen and amen! I thought I was the only one who had those kinds of days! š I can’t wait for that day when we will be with him. One of my favorite verses is: Rev. 21:3
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.”
This blog ROCKS! Thanks everyone!!
As I’m sure you’ll hear again and again, you are NOT the only Christian that feels this way sometimes! I, too, have a wonderful life…not perfect, certainly, but wonderful just the same. I think that the unsettled, restless feeling that we feel sometimes is a reminder that we’re not there yet, that there are SO MANY OTHERS that need to be told what awaits. If we didn’t feel the restlessness, I think we would get complacent and comfortable; we would be less motivated to stay focused on the goal and finish the race well.
Beth, Amanda, Melissa,
Thank you all for the hard work you do on this blog spot. It is truly a source of blessing for many people including myself. If you choose not to display this on the site I will understand. If you don’t please have all of your praying friends to lift her up.I have a daughter who is 19, she is the sweetest thing you have ever met. Always bubbly, always the life of the party. She had made a commitment to remain a virgin until marriage. Her sister was married and praise God she made the same commitment and kept it until her wedding day. Well a few months ago my youngest daughter had her virginity taken away from her. She has not dealt with this very well. On Thursday she will meet with the attorneys to go forward and press charges against this young man. We want God’s will done in this situation. That is why I am asking all of our sistas to pray for her Thursday at 9:00 a.m.. I know that with God’s help she can make the right decision.
I can’t begin to tell you what an inspiration your letter was to me. I have been feeling that restless feeling since yesterday, although mine has a reason behind it. I was a smoker. A few months ago I tried to fast cigarettes for a day, I failed. This convicted me of the fact that cigarettes had control of me, had become an addiction and an idol in my life. I had been wrestling with God over this for the last year. I started a weaning off program 11 days ago. I am down to 5 cigarettes a day with 13 days to go. It has been hard. I had prayed for deliverance but the Holy Spirit had told me that it would not be through deliverance that I would be set free. Since beginning this journey to complete freedom God has given me revelation after revelation. I now have empathy and compassion for those suffering from addictions that I didn’t have before. I have had to admit that I am a drug addict(legalized drug, but still a drug). There are many people at work and church who are watching me walk this walk. Yesterday and today have been the most difficult so far. I have wanted to give up, I’ve broken down, and cried out to God to help me. Your letter Melissa has inspired me to press in and press through with Him by my side. The mere fact that He has written my name in heaven, is reason enough for me to not give up. He never gave up on me, and I will not give up on Him. Thank you Melissa, for sharing your thoughts and allowing God to use your words to give me the strength to not give up.
Be Blessed,
Deborah
Melissa- thanks for this thought- provoking post. I often think on just this topic…
Two years ago a physician at Cleveland Clinic told me that based on my neurological symptoms there was no diagnosis other than ALS for me. That was a 3-5 year death sentence.
I couldn’t so much as look at my three children (ages 5,3,1)for three weeks without sobbing.
Things shifted for me when I examined this very concept. It became less about a diagnosis… more about CHRIST! About who He is- today!
Thankfully, my physician was incorrect. I have neurological lyme disease… and though some days still consist of a battle- my prognosis is much better.
I try to live every moment now being and doing all HE wants me to be/do. Sometimes that is service, sometimes obedience, sometimes just resting in Him.
I love Him.So So So Much Melissa. And I love that you, Amanda, and Beth do to.
Amen Sweet Siesta…enjoyed reading this so much. You are wise beyond your years.
blessings
Amen, siesta! You are not the only one. We’ve been studying faith-based suffering in our Sunday School classes this quarter and the only “answer” we’ve found is that it will not be over until we go HOME! Lord, come quickly!
I dont think I have ever understood something so clearly when someone is describing a feeling. Sometimes you feel like your explaining but people just arent getting it exactly. As I read this blog I actually could feel in my spirit exactly what you were saying. I have felt that way a lot but just always ignored it thinking it’s just me. Thanks for your honesty.
Amen…all creation groaning…and me, too–for Jesus!
Love to read your heart in words.
Many Blessings upon you, favored child of God!
Holly
Amen, Melissa. Thank you.
Thank you Melissa for that thought and insight! It is ironic that you write what you do b/c I have felt the same way over the last few months. There has been an overwhelming desire to go on home and be with the Lord forever, but then a pull to stay due to so many of my loved ones that still need to accept Him as Savior. Some day sweet siesta, some day!! God Bless you!
š
Amy Hagedorn
Melissa, beautiful!! I want to comment on how much you all mean to me. Sharing the family moments, new spiritual insights, funny “spittle” times and so much more. I am your mother’s age and at your age, my sister’s ex-husband murdered her and my mother and disabled my father. Who a few years later, joined his family. I chose not to marry and have my own children since I was raising my sister’s. I married after my sister’s children were grown. My niece’s 2 boys call me “gran-ma A.” A true joy!!! However, I miss my birth family…I have experienced such joy sharing in yours. God has so truly blessed you all with so many gifts. You then turn around and bless me, and others, by your sacrifical love to the Siestas!! You share your time, share your heart and share your home and families. It means so much to me, and others like, that never had or no longer have the joy of our family. I deeply cherish the gifts you all – Melissa, Amanda and Beth – so freely give. May God’s riches overflow to the ministry and your family. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing…I have actually felt exactly this way today…so it was nice to hear someone else did as well!! I also enjoyed hearing about your thanksgiving activities…and would love to know more about Colin…..
I was just thinking about this very thing today right as I picked my children up from the bus stop. Even in that exciting moment of having my kids back home and hugging their precious necks, I noticed that there was a deep longing within my soul. A feeling familiar and easily recognizable.
I long for the return of Jesus. I find myself fasting and praying on a regular basis for His glorious appearance. But, until then or until He takes me home…I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.Phil 3:14
Blessings,
Brittnie
OH, WOW! That is exactly how I feel today. I didn’t know others felt it, too. I have never heard anyone speak about it. Yes, I am blessed, but something seems amiss. Thank you.
Eyes full of tears….how well you put feelings into words. Bless you, Melissa.
I’ve had those days of longing, days of the suffering switch turned on, days of trying to shove the square peg into the round hole, days of wondering why this…. One day our faith will be sight–Praise You, Jesus!
Melissa,
Your message speaks directly to my heart this day. My dear Mother loved the Lord with all her heart, soul, and strenth, and yesterday morning she left us to go be with Him for eternity. It comforts us to know that she is seeing and experiencing glorious things that we can barely fathom, and we look forward to the day that we are all reunited in Heaven.
Blessings to you,
Lany
Yes…come Lord Jesus!
Good one, Melissa. Thanks.
Thanks for this post, Melissa. It’s so relevant to my life right now.
My heart echo’s yours – Come, Lord Jesus, Come!
Melissa,
WOW, I can so relate to that. I feel that so much. I am raising four children, and there are moments that I struggle with the sin they will face, and how I want Jesus to come now, and with knowing my calling is to raise them in His Word. I totally understand what you are saying. Thank you for saying it. Press on!
Oh yes Melissa, I know exactly what you are talking about.
Perfectly worded Melissa. You put into words what so many of us have felt but can’t express. I was planning on speaking tomorrow night to my Bible study ladies about perseverence in their walk, recognizing that it’s tough at times…but there’s a promise ahead. This fits so perfectly that I think I will share it with them. Thank you.
Ditto. I totally understand what you’re talking about. It happens to me almost on a daily basis. Of course, I’m really unhealthy (emotionally) but I’m getting better. Or at least I hope I am. I’ve been in recovery for 2 years! I better be improving or I’m going to get really mad!
Amen, Amen, Amen! I love reading this blog and particularly love seeing how close you girls are with your precious mother. My sister and mom and I are super close and after spending 11 days together, just the three of us, in Italy this summer only reinforced the special bond we share. So I am writing to say “Thanks You” for this blog and for all that you all do with LPM. I have done several of Beth’s studies and have loved them all! I also wanted to see if I could send you some of my cards. I am an artist and mother of four in Charlotte, NC. The Lord called me to use my talent to paint with scripture. It has been such a joy to see what He has dne to bless this adventure! My company is called Multiple Blessings, named for our four children and each card is a print of my original watercolor. (www.multipleblessings.net if you want to see it) I also have Fill In The Blank Thank You notes for kids with scripture, Christmas photo cards and Gift Tags, and other Christian products. I would love to send your family a sampling to enjoy to say thanks for all that you do. Can you e-mail and let me know the best place to send this? Many thanks again for touching so many lives through LPM. I would love to know when and if Beth plans a trip to Charlotte or somewhere nearby…I would love to hear her speak in person.
In Christ,
Caroline
Melissa,
I do so understand what you are saying…I can tell you that this past year (since May 31st) our family life has been under the hardest trial of our entire lives…Sometimes I want to say “Come quickly, Lord Jesus” but there are still so many that I want to take with me…..So HE SAYS, MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT….I must labor until His Perfect Will is accomplished in this earth…..Our son has had a brain tumor that has kept us on our knees; but you know what??? What did I expect? Aren’t we to rejoice in the “fiery trials” to Look forward to that coming City??? I refuse to give in to the enemy that would say, “Miracles do not happen today”. I can tell you that they DO…..We have witnessed them and Praise God He is still on the throne and looking out for all our needs so just Rejoice….He is so worthy of all our Praise whatever the situation….Melissa, You have a heart for God and He will give you the desires of your heart…Rejoice for He is with you……Thank you for sharing your heart….
Nancy
Oh Melissa,
You are so right. I often think of the very scriptures you quoted when I am feeling unsatisfied with this world. Just little things, like wanting to improve my home or preserve family memories (by scrapbooking) seem overwhelming at times and I think – will I even be here in 15-20 years to enjoy these things? I am longing for a heavenly home! Thank you for the reminder.
Kristen
All I can say is..WOW. How incredible that you were able to pen the exact way I feel at so many different times. (I thought it was just hormones or I was losing my mind. LOL) It is a gift to have this deep longing, knowing there is so, so much more beyond what we have in this world. You brought tears to my eyes, just reading your post. It is having this heartache that just won’t go away. Aching for home, for those who may never go home and wondering if God aches for us in this same way. Do you think He does? Thanks for sharing, what a beautiful thing to have such a sweet sister in Christ, even though we have never met.
Your sister,
Cindy
Oh, my dear Melissa,
No, you are not the “only one” who feels this way at times, that is for sure.
As I was just E-mailing a sister in Christ, I am so glad that Jesus is always with us, and even when we cannot pray for ourselves, that He will intercede for us. [Hebrews 7:24-25]
And, if there has ever been a time in my life in which I honestly simply pray that Jesus would come back to get us who are in Christ
“right now”, it has been over these past several months.
It seems as if “everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong” in my immediate family, as well as in my extended family. Within just these past 4 months, my Dad, my cousin Harry, and my 2nd cousin, Terry, have all been diagnosed with aggressive forms of cancer, all of the sudden. And, if that isn’t enough, I have been having involuntary movements, and weakness in my muscles that are not easily diagnose-able conditions, and yet they cause me pain and cause me to have a very difficult time finding a job that I can handle…
However, I honestly feel that it has caused me to realize “on the hot pavement [mind you, though, it is actually “freezing pavement” at this moment in time up here- at 19 F, with a wind chill of 11 F – ha!] of real life”, that GOD REALLY IS GOOD, and really DOES CARE FOR ME/US, and LOVES ME/US beyond any earthly comparison.
As, when I wake up each morning, I have come to the realization that I have no other choice but to beg the Lord to help me get out of bed many days, and I know that I NEED HIM, to help me to simply get through my day, sometimes moment by moment. And, I have also come to realize that I am SO grateful for my family and close friends [face to face, E-mail, and Lifeway Forum sisters]. And, along with our sweet Savior, I know that these dear people have been interceding on my/our behalf on a regular basis; and that is nothing short of a miracle from God; true friends that I may not even meet until we all get to Heaven; what a beautiful gift, and I thank Him for them every day…
And, ever since I went to your Mom’s “Beloved Disciple” study in Houston from January to March of 2003, while I lived down there, I will never forget the parts in it where she wrote about and talked about the book of Revelation where God speaks to John about what Heaven looks like, and how that even now, we can simply choose to “lay our burdens down at Jesus’ feet”… [I try my best to do that daily.] And, I must be very visual, too, as your Mom appears to be, as all of those words came to life for me; describing the brilliant colors, the 24 elders, and His Throne, and the flashes of lightning all around it…
Oh yeah, I wanna be there, too. But, I know that He will only come when Father God orders Him to come down, and I know that He will only allow me to come to Him [through death] when the time is “just right”…
And, so, instead of begging Him simply “to take me Home” during difficult trials, as I did for a little while after my salvation; I choose to ask God each morning please help me through every moment of my day, and to help me to see the Godstops [Savoring the Observable Presence of God; from “Believing God”] in my every day life. And, having lived in the Chicago area for a while yourself, I’m sure that you saw some of the most beautiful colors on the trees in the Fall, and I have been trying to cherish every little thing that He shows and teaches to me, whether it be through nature, through church or a Bible study, or through just sensing His Loving Presence surrounding me, I just want to get to know Him more and more and more …
In Christ’s mighty Love,
Jennifer O.
Southern Wisconsin
Melissa, how often I have felt what you described and just thought I was a “bad” Christian because I felt such a restlessness when I KNEW GOD was blessing my socks off. Now I see it is a longing to be with the One who is blessing me. What a different meaning it all has now. I can call it “homesick” now instead of ungratefullness.
Thank you soooo much!
Tammy in Montana
Hi, Melissa,
So good to read your writing. I’ve read the book, Things Unseen, which touches on some of the things you have said. The basic idea of that book is that God has put eternity in our hearts and it’s that longing for eternity that makes us restless even when life is at its best. If we look at it in that light, we can rejoice when we feel like this because it proves our hearts truly belong to Christ. :o)
Wooooo! Bring it! I have been feeling this dis-ease you describe for the past few months. It is often hard to be in that place. Thanks for giving voice to it in such a powerful way.
Hey Melissa,
Thanks for your comments and honest longings. I often feel the same way; almost guilty for “wanting something more” when I have been walking with Jesus for some time now and have heard that as believers we should be content/happy. Then I read a lot of John Eldredge’s writings and in his book, The Journey of Desire, he speaks directly to this angst. He quotes Pascal (which I won’t type all of it), but in a nutshell (and much less poetic) he says that man is so great that his greatness is in knowing that he is miserable…..the “miseries of a dethroned monarch”. I love that phrase. We are not what we were meant to be. “Should a king in exile pretend he is happy there? Should he not seek his own country? His miseries are his ally; they urge him on.” He then talks about Romans 8:18 -25. Well, I could go on and on, but you’ll have to read the book! It’s one of my favorites…Thanks for all you do; hang in there! It’s great to hear from you!
Much love,
Cindy R.
Thank you, Melissa for this amazing post! It just goes to show… The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! You are such a blessing and I look forward to getting to know you better through this blog!
Much love,
Angie xoxo
That was Awesome Melissa! Thank you! Gosh I have those days ALL the time! I had never really thought about it like that! That makes so much sense!
It is so funny..I just watched the 7th DVD in Believing God today where your Mom talked about this ministry being your families heritage! I have had that on my heart all day long… then I just smiled when I read the blog post! God certainly has set you and Amanda apart for something special! We are blessed to reap some of the benefits! I am thankful to God for you and your family!
God Bless! Emmy : )
Thank you so much for your letter and no I don’t think you are alone in what you are feeling. You have a wonderful way of describing exactly what I am enduring right now. Thank you so much for sharing and please don’t ever stop! Blessings to you!
Love,
Lori Wright
P.S. I am currently doing the series A Womans Heart and I am learning so much and I am falling deeper in love with the God who created me and you. Thank you all for the good work you are doing for Christ. May you be richly blessed by HIM!
WOW! This is SUCH a timely reminder for me on so many levels. May God continue to stir in you this longing and bless you with SUCH a gift of writing. Thank you for sharing your heart – Sunshine
you put into words what the silences in my heart can’t…
thank you š
Melissa,
An apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and you, my dear, have followed in the footsteps of your mom and big sister. But in your own unique way. God has given you a tremendous gift. Oh, to have been your age and been that honest with myself about what I really felt. But instead felt like I had to live the perfect Christian life in my own strength and fell flat on my self righteous face. Keep up the transparency, the searching, the love for God’s word that is so obvious. You help encourage us older (not too old though) women to just keep it real. Thanks for your words of truth to us and sharing a great insight.
Love, Beth
Amen Girl!
That restlessness in my heart brings a spark of hope. A hope and a dream about a land that is there right now. A river that runs clear before the great and mighty throne.
How I long to see His face.
Come Lord Jesus COME!
I hope Holly reads this she could really use it right now.