Because Any of Us Can be Had

I penned the creative writing below a number of years ago as I reflected on my own miserable season of sifting by Satan. I was wrecked almost beyond repair by what I’d experienced because I’d never been taught that a believer could love Jesus deeply with a pure heart and serve Him with sincere devotion and yet be flabbergastingly seduced by the enemy. 2 Corinthians 11:3 had said it all along but I’d missed it.

But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

I loved Jesus. I wasn’t looking for trouble. But make no mistake. Trouble was looking for me. By God’s grace, I’ve been called to teach. After what I experienced, I made it my goal to teach anybody who would listen what can happen, how to avoid it and how to find the way back if you didn’t. I love the Body of Christ. I want us to make it. I don’t want what caught me off guard many years ago to catch you off guard. Redemption for me is warning you so you can learn in the Bible classroom what I was forced to learn on the most despairing field trip of my life. I want us all to know what can transpire if we’re not alert, fortified and accountable and how critical it is to be on vigilant guard over our souls. I want my brothers and sisters warned about what can happen if we self-treat our woundedness, brokenness and stress and the unmet needs and wants of our bodies and souls in the dark instead of letting Jesus treat them in the light. I also long for people to know that we can never fall so far into a black hole that Jesus can’t pull us out. We can never be so addicted that Jesus can’t deliver us and set us free. We can never be so messed up and used up that God can never use us again. We can never go so far from all that is holy and right and true that the Father would no longer welcome us home with a fresh clean robe and kisses.

Fortification starts with knowing we can all be had.


“My name is Had. You may know me, but you may not know my new name.  You may have no idea what I’ve been through because I do my best to look the same. Oh, I’m scared to death of you. I used to be just like you. I once held my head up high without propping it on my Bible.

I was well respected back then. I even respected myself. I was wholeheartedly devoted to God, and if the truth be known, somewhere deep inside I was sometimes the slightest bit proud of my devotion. Then I’d repent because I knew that I was wrong, and I didn’t want to be wrong. Not ever.

People looked up to me. And life looked good from up there. I felt good about who I was. That was before I was Had. Strangely, I no longer remember my old name. I just remember I liked it. I liked who I was. I wish I could go back. I wish I’d just wake up. But I fear I’m wide awake. I’ve had a nightmare. And the nightmare was me. Had.

If I could really talk to you, if you could really listen, I’d tell you I have no idea how all this happened. Honestly, I was just like you. I didn’t plan to be Had. I didn’t want to be Had. One day I hadn’t, then the next day I had.

Oh, I know now where I went wrong. I rewound that nightmare a thousand times, stopping it right at the point where I departed the trail of good sense. The way ahead didn’t look wrong. It just looked different. Strange, he didn’t look like the devil in that original scene. But every time I replayed it, he dropped another piece of his masquerade. When he finally took off his mask, he was laughing at me. Nothing seems funny anymore. I’ll never laugh again as long as he’s laughing.

If only I could go back. I would see it this time! I’d walk around the trap camouflaged by the brush, and I would not be Had. I would be Proud. Was that my old name? Proud? I can’t even remember who I was anymore. I thought I was Good. Not Proud. But I don’t know anymore.

Would you believe I never heard the trap shut? Too many voices were shouting in my head. I just knew I had got stuck somewhere unfamiliar, and soon I didn’t like the scenery anymore. I wanted to go home. My ankle didn’t even hurt at first. Not until the infection set in. Then I thought I would die.

I lay like a whimpering doe while the wolf howled in the darkness. I got scared. I pulled the brush over me and hid. Then I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I had to get out of there or I was sure it would kill me. I didn’t belong there. I refused to die there.

I pulled and pulled at that trap, but the foothold wouldn’t budge. The blood gushed. I had no way out. I screamed for God. I told Him where I was and the shape I was in. And He came for me.

The infection is gone. He put something on it and cleaned it up instantly. As He inspected my shattered ankle, I kept waiting for Him to say, ‘You deserved this, you know. You’ve been Had.’ Because I did and I know and I have. He hasn’t said it yet. I don’t know whether He will or not. I don’t know how much to trust Him yet. I’ve never known Him from this side. My leg still hurts. God says it will heal with time. But I fear that I will always walk with a limp.

You see, I wrestled with the devil, and he gave me a new name. My name is Had.”


–”Had” by Beth Moore from the book When Godly People do Ungodly Things


47 Responses to “Because Any of Us Can be Had”

If you'd like your own pic by your comment, go to Click the first button "Get your gravatar today ->", and it will walk you through a simple process to select a picture.


  1. 1
    Heather says:

    Thank you so much for these encouraging words today! I, too, have had my own season of sifting, even though God had called me close to Him early in my life. I rejoice daily that He loves me still and that in the aftermath of those scary days, He brought me closer to Him than I ever thought imaginable. Thank you for your transparency and for reminding us that even though we can be had, there is always a way back. Praise the Lord we serve a loving and gracious God, who rescues us from the enemy and our own crazy selves.

  2. 2
    Susan says:

    Thank you for this post. I’ve watched this twice recently of those publicly serving Jesus and wondered how and then I pray that He will keep me from being had. That’s a big fear because I love Him so, but I know that I’ve been had before (maybe just not on a public level but still been had). Praise Him for 1 John 1:9. And may He keep me from judging others but to lift up those who have been had.

  3. 3
    Deb says:

    This helps me and I’m sure others to know that we are not alone when we are led astray by the devil, all while loving Jesus wholeheartedly. Oh, the regret and the longing to go back and take a different path, recognize the trap, and Satan behind it all. It is sickening to know he laughed at my weakness for years. So much regret and many tears to know I can’t change the past. The good news is forgiveness of course, but also that I will never be Proud again, recognizing my depravity, and total dependence on Christ alone for my eternal salvation.

  4. 4
    Kristine Roach says:

    Oh my friend, this was me 9 years ago. In my confusion of being a wife, mother, worship leader, bible study teacher, and christian I found myself at a loss for identity. I felt alone and useless. I felt abandoned by many including God. I believed that it was possible that I was NOT a “real” Christian. Knowing His Word well I remembered that those He loves He chastens so I set out on MY mission to prove that He loved me. I sinned greatly, I had multiple affairs, I was using drugs, and telling lies to cover it all up. Then, August 2009 happened, that is the month my husband finally found out what I was up to. That day changed my life, I lost much and many and it wasn’t until 2013 that I FINALLY understood the why and looked UP to where my help comes from.

    Today I am free, free of that feeling that I am not a “real” Christian, free from the chains of sexual sin, free from the feeling that I am abandoned because He shows me everyday that I am FULLY His and everything I ever needed to know was found in John 3:16-17.

    I was Had too but I DID NOT stay there because we serve a God who leaves the 99 in search of the 1. He broke my legs and placed me on His shoulders until I healed, now I KNOW His voice in a whole new way and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

    GBY my friend and THANK YOU for sharing this, I needed the reminder!

    • 4.1
      Sharon says:

      Kristine, Thank-you for your honesty. May the Good Good Heavenly Father bless you abundantly. He will always love you,and He is and always will be your Father. Go in His name and declare His faithfulness, There is no-one who restores and forgives like He does. Our God reigns.

  5. 5
    Dana Hoebeke says:

    Beth, this story ministered so much to me when I first did your study and year and half ago. I could hardly get through it, I just sobbed…like the deep guttural cries of knowing so intimately what it feels like to be had.
    It is a journey I will never forget, but by God’s overwhelming, crushing grace I am able to view it through forgiven and redeemed eyes.
    He’s given me a new name, a new purpose, a message to share and so much hunger for His Word! Such undeserved beautiful grace!
    Thank you for writing that study, over 10 years later it was exactly what I needed in that raw, vulnerable time!

  6. 6

    I had a horrible wilderness season or “dark night of the soul” about 7 years ago. Your book was very helpful as it happened. Although it was beyond horrible, I learned COMPASSION101 and I’ll never be the same. I think I am finally healed the most I have ever been by just being able to say that. The Lord sent me to your conference last year and asked me to write a book. It’s for those new to the Holy Spirit to accelerate them to be ready for revival. With the ways the Lord has me in awe, I believe revival is coming soon. Blessings!

  7. 7
    Ann Thiede says:

    Wow, Beth. Wow. Another book I need to read. I like to take the scripture “Beware you who stand lest you fall” seriously. No one is immune from his nasty attacks. God in His great mercy showed me the ugliness of pride years ago reading through Isaiah.

    Thank you. I always appreciate the encouragement He gives through you.

  8. 8
    Mary in NH says:

    Gods timing is perfect, Beth! I was HAD last week. Our family was in the midst of a drama that we thought we shut the door on years ago. On the way to a wake, my dear husband asked me a heart felt question and rather than share my heart, I shut down. Not going there, not offering any God blessed insight from my past. I even wondered in that moment who spoke for me, I knew those words weren’t mine. That night I traveled the old, familiar path, stuffing my feelings with wrong choices. And I woke up the next day, knowing I’d been HAD again. But my Good, Good Father was waiting for me.

  9. 9
    Myra Renaud says:

    Thank you for such encouraging words. Would love a copy to share with my two daughters, both active duty Military. We all need a reminder in our lives of God’s beautiful grace. We could share it and have some wonderful discussions!

  10. 10
    Carolyn T says:

    Dear Beth,
    This message spoke to me (as it does to countless others), and I am sending it to my sis-in-law who has been fighting addiction for years. Thank you for listening to Jesus! I’d love to share Audicious w/ her!

  11. 11
    Summer says:

    Thank you a million times for this wonderful and inspiring piece!! I too have been had and rescued undeservingly. I would cherish a copy of you work!

  12. 12
    Kim vinesett says:

    Would love to read! Thank you for you love and teaching! You are a blessing to all of us.

  13. 13
    Gwen E. says:

    Thank you for your ministry!!! We are blessed and encouraged because of you!

  14. 14
    Becky Moore says:

    Thank you, Beth … that would be AUDACIOUS!

  15. 15
    Ann Cates says:

    Thank you Beth! This is so insightful.

  16. 16
    Lori says:

    I’m in an unsettling season of life with blessings happening all around me; children getting married, graduating college, having my first grandchild. However, our church was shook up drastically several years ago, our parents are requiring more assistance and I struggle everyday to remember that Jesus is my all in all. He can fill my every need. He loves me unconditionally and he will never leave me. I know these things, but am clinging to Him as my lifeline. Thank you for the many resources God has allowed you to pen. I’m working through “Breaking Free” on my own right now and waiting for God to show me the next step he wants me to take for him.

  17. 17
    Mary Jane Schwab says:

    God rescued me. I am your sister for, you see, my name was Had, too. I walk with a limp but I can also run , jump and leap for joy! God gets the glory… It was all Him! He found me, He carried me, He treated me and He stays with me through my physical therapy. PT is ongoing but it is making me stronger! Praise God!

  18. 18
    Cynthia Bailey says:

    Sarah has been “had” & she’s coming “home”!!! Pray with us that she get’s on that plane “Thursday”!!! “Audacious” for HIM would be a wonderful “gift” for her new beginning!!! <3

  19. 19
    Julie Behnke says:

    Last night at my Bible study we were talking about Genesis 3 when Eve was deceived. I was wondering how she felt about God before her fall. Did she truly love Him? Fear Him? Trust Him? Now, after reading this, I see she could have and most likely did. But, she was Had. Thank you for sharing. I’m going to save this for future reference. You are a powerful writer Beth. I pray I will never be Had. Well, maybe I have been before…I pray it will never happen again. Love you dear Sister.

  20. 20
    Rebecca says:

    I’ve been walking, since the beginning of this year, under this unwanted name ‘Had’. satan has been a daily attacker and caused me, many times, to not even recognize myself. But Jesus comes to me while I sleep and pours his grace and his blood over me so that when I awaken I have a clear picture of my identity in Him. I need more & more of Jesus. Please pray that I will grab hold of his hand and he will know me, not by the ugly name ‘Had’, but by ‘dear Sister’.

  21. 21
    Janet says:

    So anxious to read to read the book!

  22. 22
    Marsha Householder says:

    I too have been “had.” And, it still hurts after all these years. Thank you so much for providing hope for so many. Love You!

  23. 23
    Angie Lewis says:

    Would love to win a copy of this book…

  24. 24
    Leanne says:

    It’s happened to me again. I’m so over all of it. The prayers, crying, asking God to help me. At this time He appears passive and not doing anything other than me making mistake after mistake. This was the very first bible study that I did I believe in 2004. I had a new baby and began at a new church and this was a bible study I had been invited to by an older woman. I had never heard of anything like this. I remember leaving and being soooo convicted but yet puffing my cigarette as furiously as a could all the way home. I began one study after another all the while everything being exposed and dying off. My first baby celebrated her 13th bday yesterday and I stumbled on this blog after a long time. Something else has gotten me, again, after I thought it was all behind me. I’m going to pick this bible study up today and go through it one more time. But I am so worn out and alone. I live in the Bible Belt, and a super trendy part at that. We have Jesus everywhere, but there’s so much passivity, cliques, and indifference I do life by myself.

    • 24.1
      Stephanie says:

      I will pray for you today, as you seek Him and His personal, tender touch in the midst of this battle, that He will give you the power to understand how very near He is. And how strong and loving He is, too. May He bless you with peace and hope today.


    • 24.2
      Karen Shivar says:

      My prayers for you Leanne. Prayers that God will send someone to help you, to encourage you, to walk beside you…a friend, a mentor, someone to trust. But, most of all praying that as you meet with Him, reading His Word and in prayer, you will feel His love and peace. Karen

  25. 25
    Diane Bailey says:

    And you never heard the trap close behind you … Isn’t that the truth for all of us. We don’t hear it because we don’t see it; because we were never looking for it. Like a hound dog on a trail we have one thing on our mind. And that one this is usually satisfying our wants of this world.

    But, Oh the love of Jesus. He never alows us be destroyed by the trap of our enemy. Even when we walk, and sometimes run, willingly, straight into it.

    Oh the Love of Jesus!

  26. 26
    Stephanie Bankhead says:

    I’m teaching a message on Sun to our church congregation on praying against temptation. This excerpt fits perfectly with my message and I plan on adding it to read to everyone. Thanks, Beth!

  27. 27
    Diana A. says:

    Could I suggest a new ending? Had – the Devil’s name he gave to me – but JESUS CHRIST, He called me REDEEMED!!

  28. 28
    Carolyn says:

    I really enjoyed reading ‘HAD’.
    I was truly blessed but haven’t read Audacious.

  29. 29
    Diane Thomas says:

    So thankful for your article on ‘I’ve been had.’
    Think it hits home to everyone. If haven’t
    already experienced it, chances are great
    one day you will. TXS for sharing!

  30. 30
    Andrea Honea says:

    If I don’t win it, I’m gonna buy it!!

  31. 31
    Mona says:

    Great words.

  32. 32
    Jjc says:

    Only a couple minutes to respond, but my favorite line, “I’ve never known Him from this side.” It struck something deep and hopeful within me. I’ve mulled this over a little today and prayed (lest we think it human effort), and seemingly having been in a sifting (rebellious?) season for quite some time, I had the thought that while I would agree if you can at all avoid such a season in obedience to God, by all means do so!

    But, if your pride, like mine, happens to die hard, then this season can be pure grace in God’s redemption of it, AND you. Although I don’t know who I am yet over here, or God too intimately yet from this side, He’s still a little scary, I know that I certainly am glad to have lost some of my pretense and (well meaning) Religious fervor. I have something quieter now, not quite yet content, but in the least not aimlessly grasping for status, accomplishment or to somehow “be ahead” of someone else (so silly when you think about the fact that it is all given, not earned, and received, not striven for.) A good word, dear Beth, and certainly provided (good) food for my thoughts.

  33. 33
    sharoni says:

    Just when you think you were the only one … along comes another who has been “Had.”
    Thank you for writing this poignant happening.
    learning to love those old scars ….

  34. 34
    Wilma White says:

    Thank you, thank you, Beth, for being brutally honest about your failure and ensuing pain. I too have been HAD, I too was a “good” Christian, wanting to be good, committed to the Lord, respected by many, faithful to my Bible reading and my church, and . . . I didn’t see it coming. My abysmal failure nearly destroyed me and I’m still trying to piece my life back together with God’s help. It’s been a long struggle through the brokenness–almost 20 years. This blog message helped me see more clearly what I need to do. Praise Him that when we are faithless, He remains faithful (2 Tim. 2:13). I’m also watching your weekly segments on TBN, and I’m so thankful for your ministry. Blessings on you.

  35. 35
    Nancy M says:

    Dear Sister in Christ Beth, Thank you for articulating so well what is on the hearts and minds of so many other Christ following women (and for that matter, even our men). A little over two years ago I was “had”, and the grief and the wound so painful and grievous I didn’t think I could or would ever get over it. I remember thinking if I fall on the floor I will never get up again. What was worse, as time went on, I struggled to stay on the path of righteous and holy behavior and found myself on more than several occasions saying things I would have never said prior to my wounding. And worse still I remembered that I had asked the LORD to “teach me to walk on the water,” and at the first sign of real hard testing I took my eyes of Jesus and promptly sunk. My heart hurt so bad that I honestly thought I heard my heart break, out loud, into a million pieces. But MY God in HIS mercy and grace has rescued me once again! Though it has taken time I am healing and as you mentioned at the Women’s Conference in Ontario this week end He covers us from head toe! I am free, forgiven, and I am His child! He is MY Savior and I love Him so. Beth, thank you for your obedience and willingness to reach out in truth to other women desiring to follow Christ. May He bless and protect mightily. Someday, when we are praising and basking in the glory at the throne of heaven I look forward to meeting you and giving you a heavenly hug. 🙂 N

  36. 36

    I so love you, Beth.

  37. 37

    Dear Beth,
    I too have been named “Had”. I have been had by pride, insecurities, lies, and constant pressure to submit to all of these feelings. I have waken to see that the trap is loose and now I am free to walk with Him, the truth and the light. I have come to realize that my voice had been stolen and now I am taking it back. The enemy doesn’t deserve my voice, God does. So, I have decided to begin writing. I am speaking the truth and hope others will hear my voice. Blessings and love to you,

  38. 38
    Rae says:

    Have I been had? Is it real and biblical for a man of God to tell you future pieces of your life and heal in the name of Jesus? I’m very confused.

    • 38.1
      Media says:

      Hi Rae, I’m sorry Beth doesn’t have a statement on this issue. We would recommend talking to your pastor or a trusted church leader. Blessings!

  39. 39
    Theresa Clark says:

    I read this post as my ladies Bible Study group was working through the Faithful, Abundant and True Bible Study with Kay, Priscilla and you, Beth. Your section so resonated with us about having the wool pulled over our eyes…being punk’d….and then this post comes up. Even though the Faithful, Abundant and True study is 5 years old, it is still relevant and the fact that now more than ever we need to be wise and discerning. I can’t wait to hear what you have to share with us in Nashville to help us grow closer to God, more like Jesus and leaning on the discernment of the Holy Spirit!

  40. 40
    Karen Englert says:

    I believe you just saved my life.

  41. 41
    Karen M. Roth says:

    I could have sworn that you just wrote about me and my life story. But Thanks to God I have a new name… It is Redeemed and Forgiven.

  42. 42
    briem says:

    Was had and camofauged, struggled with the need to be ike everyone ese. when realy due toillness that was an impossibiity. Decades ater and having a child with heath concerns, Its sti a struggle, but one I can appreciate and see the truth with God al things are possible, and weak is strong. But everyday thats a distinct pleasure to see and some days are harder to see it. Love Exodus 1414 just need to be still sometimes. Thanks for encouraging and sharing.Daiy choice not to fall back to that too.

Leave a Reply

To receive a daily digest of comments on this post, enter your email address below: